My advice. Stick it out. You are responsible for the kids and their happiness. They didn’t asked to be born. As a mother, your kids come first. They are used to the situation. As long as there is no verbal or physical abuse between you two, stick it out. Maybe see if he can get a different shift or job.
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We all make mistakes thinking things will get better, but if they haven’t by now they probably won’t. You are strong, make a plan and make your self happy as well. Family should support your decision if they want you to be happy. But that’s their problem. You have one life, live it xx
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It’s only a matter for you and your husband, but try to see if you can set up a regular 24hrs for just the 2 of you each week you need alone time before you split. Relationships are not easy and it sounds like you are lonely, my dad did nights and it caused my mum to leave. He probably still loves you with all his heart but you are both lonely.
If you do split. Talk to him about all the options the lack of support from your side and how to move forward to support your kids if you do separate. Even engage a councillor to help with a separation exploring areas you may not have thought of to make it easier for you both.
Honestly, I would stop having babies, get a day job, foster some independence, split the chores and awake time evenly (no inconsistencies allowed here) and find an equal percentage (not an amount) of each paycheck that is needed to cover all family needs. Save the remaining percentage individually. DO NOT give him sick days or free days. DO NOT budge on household responsibilities. DO NOT put your nest egg towards ‘little extras’ that come up. If you both uphold your part of the deal and no one uses their savings to skip out, then be equals and try to make it work. But don’t just sit there and do nothing to change this. You are powerless until you make yourself his equal.
When you give someone the power to feed you, you also give them the power to starve you
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You need to do what’s best for you and your children. You feel lost , you need support and you are not getting that. You need to be safe and happy within you. Know one knows your situation but you. Keep your head up sweetie. I pray you find peace in whatever you choose
You should go find a job on his hours, then maybe you’d understand what life is, you have a man that works( Maine, that makes him a keeper) and then he’s home all day( another keep) tell me again, why you unhappy???
Sometimes you have to really go through the bad to get to the good, four kids no job no family help, sounds like you need to think about what you would do? Because employers don’t go for my kids are sick they don’t care it will be alot harder to completely do it on your own and work and clean the house and pay day care, i would ask god to help you and your husband before you just leave!
If your not happy, you have to do what will make you happy. Don’t listen to your family. It’s your life, not there’s.
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You have babies all 5 and under! No wonder life is not wonderful and a bed of roses. Husband is working everyday to provide for those children food clothing and a roof over all of your heads. You say he works night shift is it 8hrs 12hrs? He im sure is tired also. Remember his job is demanding all day. You do have time for breaks to sit and play with your babies. Life is never guaranteed to be easy. Marriage is not either.
Take a breath and look at the man that puts on his pants everyday and goes to work to provide for his family. He is not going out with the guys or out drinking. What else does he do on his time off? Does he keep the yard straight and the vehicles maintained?
Your babies are so young they need mommy constantly and that is draining you and dad is working hard and draining him. I give you both credit for that. Your babies will soon grow up and will not need your constant attention. I hope that this is just not coming from being mommy out. You are exhausted and frustrated and probably feel life will always be like it is today. It will not. They grow up and become very capable of taking care of themselves.
Give your marriage a chance. Life will only be more difficult divorced.
This comes from a wife mother of 3 grown children and grandma of 2 with 1 on the way! And happily married for 42 years. Life will get easier. The first couple years of marriage are the hardest years.
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You and only you know the answer to this question. I can tell you that single mom life is hard, very hard. I was a single mom of 4 kiddos with little to no support for 4 years. I left due to extreme abuse so it was worth it for my children and me. To me, and this is just my opinion, it sounds like you both need to put more effort into reconnecting with each other and see what happens from there. There is no easy decision here and none of us will be able to offer the advice you are seeking. I wish your family the best possible outcome.
You are going through a similar story as of my life. Married for 5 years and i have 3 kids in a row. My husband does a night shift job too. I know it isnt easy even if it wasnt the choice you made. Im holding on because of my kids and because i think my kids will be safe with their own mom and dad no matter what the situation is. But things are upto you. Your life and your kids life have to be considered valuable in whatever the decision you make
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When you post on a forum asking if you should walk away from marriage.
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For what it’s worth I’d say try to hang on the roller coaster. Having kids so close together is hard! Get a part time job, and see if a family member can watch them while your at work. I get depressed being home 24/7 and need some kind of social interaction and friends to vent to! (I know going to work to socialize isn’t ideal but you would be making a little cash while you work) it also might help you feel like you have more of a purpose than just caring for kids all day.
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I would not leave with no ancher. How would you pay bills? You need to take a day, or even week and think. Alone. If you can’t pay for a hotel for a night or two away, then you should ride it out till you can. Because being unhappy sucks. Being a single parent sucks worse. IV been there. I know your unhappy but can it be fixed? Also, you both made the kids. You both are always involved no matter what… Just have your plan for what yo do when you do go. I wish you the best.
I don’t know if this is the case in your home but it is better to be a single parent rather than raising your children in a toxic environment.
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I’m sorry that your families are not more supportive as the mother of their grandchildren if nothing else X
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Not working no place to go w 4 kids…stick it out til they get a lil older.
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You guy’s are terrible
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It’s because he is awake in the night and you in the day, 2 different worlds! You don’t need a divorce, but he needs a day job 
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Wow family sounds ridiculous I feel sorry for you to be in that situation parents should have our backs no matter what !! If I were you, your happiness is the glue to your kids lives . You need to do what makes you happy despite what repercussions may become . This is where your strength ,courage ,and mana challenge you to become the best mother ,person,women and version you can be ! not only for you but for your kids aswell. Listen to your gut first and forget all else and act on it ! Stick it out ,know your worth and I guarantee you wont regret it !
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I think I’d cry having all those kids under 5. I can see why he’s working 24/7 he needs to provide while you don’t have a job.
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First ask yourself what is your definition of love. Is it a feeling? Is it a yearning? What is your definition. My definition is very clear. I am not a religious person but I do agree that Love is patient, love is kind, love is not boastful… you’ve heard the rest. Is your husband all these things? I can tell you already 3 things from just reading your post that makes you want to leave.
1.) You had many kids too close together in age and under five years. As much as a blessing as this is, it is a lot of work! And him being the sole provider has made you the sole caretaker. Maybe try changing your role in your relationship. I always suggest getting a per diem job. You get to work with other adults and gives you a break from your household. You will feel a sense of independence that you can’t get in your current role.
2.) your husband works nights. I’ve worked 12 hour Nightshift for 14 years and I can tell you that alone will put a strain in any relationship. Have him change to dayshift. Before you say that it is hard to do this, so is divorce. Take it from me. I left my husband for 5 years and got back together with him. While this is a rarity, I also made a decision to work on keeping our family together at all costs, minus infedelity. I have my own opinion on that but that’s a separate topic.
3. Your family knows too much of your business. Select a trusted person you can speak to and speak to them only. You sharing with your family who already gave you their views is not going to help as they already put an ultimatum. This only makes your decision a lot worse.
Bottom line, you have few things in common with your husband and it sounds like you’re in a role that takes care if everyone including your husband. Resolve all these issues first. There’s a lot of steps prior to divorce. You can separate, you can change the things I’ve mentioned. You can go on a a retreat or somewhere where you can think for a moment, what you really want to happen. Only you know your marriage and if it’s worth salvaging. You may be young or have married young. I believe we Women evolve every 6-8 years. You sound overwhelmed with a desire for change. Getting a divorce does not guarantee happiness. Good luck
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#1 There must be something there or you wouldn’t have consistently made babies with him for the last 5 years. #2 Being a single mother with no help from your family is hell…and they will sit back and judge every breath you take and tell you that you made your own bed. Been there and it is horrible for the kids. #3 you will get so stressed out that you are fair game to any fool that shows you a little attention and PRETENDS to love your children until it’s too late to walk away easily. Your are lonely…life is not better on the other side of the fence. And why should your husband be sentenced to a life of ramen noodles and tap water because you decided you didn’t love him and now most of his paycheck goes to child support? Take some college classes online and get a degree so you don’t have to live off government assistance and wreck your husbands life. Encourage your husband to get a day shift job. What you are considering impacts 5 other people besides you…and it is not all about you.
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Can you get a work at home job where you can save money to get out?
A happy mommy is more valuable. You ‘sticking it out’ is you sacrificing your life for the fantasy of someone else. There are millions of divorced families. What I mean by that is, if you stay because ‘it’s just what you do’ you are ignoring your whole self and sacrificing your needs and wants for what? Because social norms says the woman stays, divorce will harm the kids, etc. I say, if you move on you’ll 100% be more happy. Will have more energy, self confidence, and your kids will feel that. And they’ll see you as a strong willed brave role model. Even if you don’t have family to go to, there is somewhere you can go I’m sure. Start with your local women’s shelter. Not saying you’ll go there but tell them your situation and they will know where to guide you. And hell, maybe you will. That’s ok. That’s what you do for your babies if you know things are not good.
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If you both aren’t fighting for it maybe it’s time to let it go. It’s YOUR life and if it’s a mutual thing he should be okay in helping you out until you can get on your feet. Not every divorce or breakup gets nasty
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Never stay for the kids! That is not okay! That is teaching them to stay with someone regardless on how they feel about them! If you don’t have feelings like that for him anymore then leave!
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Having children is never a reason to stay in an unhappy relationship/marriage. There’s places you can go to get assistance with accommodation so screw the “family “ who said their homes aren’t open to you and the kids .
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Just understand love isn’t all the romance and butterflies. You have to really sit down, look past the frustrations and really dig deep to see if you still love him and want to be with him. Staying with him due to the kids will only cause harm to both your hearts in the long run.
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Never stay for the children… You deserve to be happy too 
but, have you talked to him about eventually changing jobs so you have more family time?? X
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If you are asking you already know.
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Talk it out girl. See how it can be fixed or get out. See what he has to say. Also he should look into changing to day shift
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I had a mental game in my head alot of good but there were bad times too. Lying cheating and I tried staying. 5years ago I walked away and now I’m the best I have ever felt. Dont stay because you feel you have to
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Go, and if family doesn’t want to help, them that’s their loss
Never stay for the kids. I’m a product of parents staying for the kids sake and let me tell you it’s not ok or worth it. I was the only kid I knew who’d beg her parents to divorce because it was so miserable. And now I won’t stay with a job or stay in a relationship I’m not happy with for anything. I’ve been a single mom and it’s hard but worth it. Your kids are watching way more than you think. Believe me. Don’t do that for them. Get yourself a job and as soon as you have one, go. I’m sorry your family is not supportive. People are so silly and judgy for no reason. You gotta take care of you and set an example for them. Good luck♥️
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Don’t let anyone bully you into staying in a bad marriage. Get out and since your family is unsupportive, they can go without regular visits or phone calls with the kids. How terrible of them.
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He provides? Does he abuse you physically, verbally? He works? Its a microwave generation prepare yourself with a job, income, set $ aside to for deposit on an apartment and car before you decide to leave because if not you’ll really be stuck
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Only you know what is best for you and your children. Search your heart. If you truly see no future together it is best to go. Just be respectful of your children and always remember no talking poorly about their parent. Prepare for your future don’t just go on a whim, be ready to be financially stable and able to support your babies. Good luck, may your future be bright!
If you feel like ur in a dead end marriage you can try n fix it or ask for divorce. You have to be happy for u n ur kids yes it’s hard but ur a strong start and beautiful woman and you can do anything you put your mind to. Good luck hun
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You have to consider what exactly is broke in the marriage before you decide. Is it petty stuff like he never does the dishes’ or is it more serious like “he spends money on gambling when he should be providing food for the family.” Our culture nowadays says if you aren’t happy then leave but in reality it isn’t your husband’s job to make you happy that’s on you not him. Honestly, make a pro and con list, talk to him in real terms and get him to talk about how he feels in your relationship/about the family and that will tell you whether you should stick it out and try and fix things or move on to someone who values family more.
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Just a thought…how happy are you going to be trying to work and pay bills with 4 kids . Daycare?? Get a plan and save before you make a move.
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Why are you unhappy? What is wrong with the relationship? In your description it is all about the circumstances. Agree with posts above pros and cons list. What are you expecting but you don’t have. What would make you happy. There are lots of stories where people leave and it is the best thing they did and are happy to talk about it. However, there are also lots of stories that we hear less of where people regretted it. Take some time to think. You’ve both had a hard and busy 5 years with 4 kids.
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My husband works nights, he has the entire time iv been with him, so our son has been with me most of the time and that’s normal. Make sure you make time for you two as a couple. Set an evening aside when the kids are in bed and really talk about it.
I actually feel bad for the man if he’s done northing wrong and he’s working for a living you want to leave and take the kids away from him? Leaving him even less chance to see them.
Having a partner on permanent nights is rough. But kids won’t be kids for long, personally we won’t be having more than two children because of our shift pattern.
Really think it out before you make a huge decisions because marriage is meant for life and I honestly think you need to try at these things before you throw it away. It’s hard when you barely see each other and you are burnt out from the kids but spend time alone with each other and reconnect
If he’s shit then he needs to be pulled up on it!!
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This post sounds pretty immature imo. Would you rather him work all night and come home take care of the kids and go back to work? You sound ungrateful. True love takes time and appreciation, it’s not this butterfly honeymoon feeling the movies make it out to be.
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If your serious about leaving the first step is a job but you might find that’s really all you needed is some time away. 4 kids in 5 years anyone would be insane.
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Go, you will find your own way and be happy. It may be difficult but it is so worth it. Best thing for your kids is to show that you love yourself and to be happy. And that isnt where you are
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So in 5 years you’ve had 4 kids. Your husband works nights and provides for the family so you can stay home and raise the kids. Other than “I don’t love him anymore” what exactly is he doing wrong? Marriage requires effort and supporting each other. It isn’t all sunshine and butterflies. Is there more to it than you’ve stated? If not then I agree you need to work on it more
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Leave. That is so unhealthy for your kids and if your family doesn’t agree who cares. Your mental health and happiness is more important than anything else bc if you’re not happy your kids won’t be. I was in the same position but for 13 years. I finally left and it’s been 3 years and I’m finally happy and so is my children.
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Definitely leave but try to do so as amicable as possible.
The children will be better to have a Happy Mum.
Don’t waste anymore years and remember you can still be friends you don’t have to turn into enemy’s.
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If ur not happy, then u need to move on. Theres no sense in forcing a relationship. However if u only got married because u were pregnant and u were forced into it, then why have more kids knowing he was working nights? Why not get a job and u both do different shifts so u can have ur independence and he can help out with the kids too. Theres always a way to figure things out. I think u are unhappy because he does work those shifts to provide for his family. U wont have to pay child care if u both work different hrs. Try that first. Make it work. Dont give up just because u are trying to ve selfish as to wanting help with the kids right after he comes home from work. Ive always been a single mom and worked nights myself and the father was never there, he was deported so I had to make the best of things. Atleast u have a man working and providing. I have nothing. Be greatful. U shouldnt have had more kids if u were feeling like that in the first place.
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I agree with most of what people are saying here (marriage shouldn’t be as impermanent as you make it seem). You haven’t really specified a reason you want a divorce, just that it’s been brought up. I’m not sure what you expected marriage to be like, but it’s not a romance movie. I would, instead of getting divorced, develop your own identity. Get a job, a hobby, develop a sense of self. You may just find that the divorce you wanted was because you’re bored in your life.
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I didn’t get to far before I saw red flags. I’ll say it once and I’ll say it again NEVER GET MARRIED JUST BECAUSE YOUR PREGNANT.
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Being a stay at home is hard and your probably feeling a little lost in yourself, try a find a little hobby that you can do for you, having kids that close together is a strain on any relationship and him working long nights and sleeping all day isn’t making you feel any better but that’s his job. Find that spark again that you had for eachother in the beginning, don’t give up so easily, work on what you had/have.
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You both know you have problems… Don’t look to each other but look outward together. Being a home mom is harder than most jobs. I know. I did it. You , the mom, could try having time just for you. Have a woman come in to your home to look after the kids while you do what ever…just what ever. It could be for 2 hour a day or more. Establish in your mind that you are not chained to your present way of life. This is true. Please realize that you have choices. Please realize that as a woman you have incredible power. Many women do not realize this. You now do. You and only you have the power to raise those kids to be good citizens because you are with them all their waking hours. Your spouse is doing his part in bringing home the bacon…food…housing. Yes it is tough. So this is where you find your metal. Take some courses in line etc. You are not a victim unless you choose to be. God Bless.
Soooo, where are you going if you leave? It sounds to me like you’re saying you’ve never loved the guy and only married him because of your family. That’s just you trying to shift the blame. Even if you felt pressured into marrying him, no one forced you to keep popping out babies like you’re in a race with the Duggars. If you wanna leave, then leave. But first you need a job, a place to go and child care arrangements while you work. And for Gods sakes, get on some kind of birth control.
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FROM THE OTHER SIDE (A 18YR MARRIED MAN’S PROSPECTIVE. 5 KIDS AS WELL)
If you have only been married for 5 years and your saying you don’t love him anymore and it’s a dead end marriage, WTF ARE YOU DOING WITH 4 KIDS??? That’s where the Mistake started. Those babies didn’t ask to be born, and now… You WANT to be selfish, because he works the night shift etc or whatever the reason is and break up the ONLY stability they have? You REALLY REALLY NEED to think this through, BEFORE you make any emotional based decisions. You resent him because you take care of the kids, you were pressured to get married because you got pregnant. You’ve made seriously poor choices. Unless he is hurting you, or your children… You have a RESPONSIBILITY to try and figure this out, without divorce.
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From experience I stayed married for 13 years because of our 4 kid’s i finally decided to move on its the hardest part of it is realizing I am going into this world a single mom with 4 kid’s I too was a stay at home mom and went back to work in July I have no advice except if you’re not happy and have exhausted all the options of reconcile then its time to go as for me we have tried 3 different times over 15 years and its just not working nothing has changed.
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You made some poor choices and there is no good solution for it. Why did you keep having babies wirh someone you didn’t even want to marry. The problem now is a divorce will hurt your children and bring a whole host of problems to their lives. My suggestion is that you stay in the marriage until your kids are grown. You screwed up. Don’t make them pay for it.
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I dont think you want a divorce I think you are feeling overwhelmed by looking after all the kids on your own
Have you thought about daycare a couple of hours a day just so you have a bit of your time
Because of. Being honest the only thing your husband does is work of a night time
Now if everyone was to divorce because the father wasn’t there for their kids I would he divorced my hubby works away from home I have five kids four oldest are boys youngest is a little girl I suffered pnd after two of the boys and my daughter I went toy go who referred me to private counciling and she reccomended I allow two hours a day for my sanity i call it my time out my oldest is 15 so he looks after his little sister for me the other four kids ages are
11,10,7,2
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You had 4 kids in 5 years with a man you don’t care about, what were you thinking?
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Never stay with someone just because you have kids to them if ur unhappy ur unhappy and kids see and feel more then u think they know mumma isn’t happy and a unhappy mumma isn’t a healthy mumma. If you gotta do everything yourself what the hell u need him for??? Better off on your on then to be alone in a relationship and as for your family that’s just toxic you don’t need them either
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Some of these comments are just sad. YOU DO NOT HAVE TO STAY WITH SOMEONE JUST BECAUSE YOU HAVE KIDS WITH THEM! Ur not selfish for wanting to be happy! Talk to him. You can’t make yourself love him. If you don’t, you don’t. Leaving will be hard but In the end if that’s what is best DO IT! Everyone deserves to be fucking happy.
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The moment you needed clarification…I think you know deep down inside
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If you are not happy, you family won’t be. Does your husband love you, I ask because you said it’s been brought up. If he doesn’t, then you need to end things on friendly terms. At least try. You can not let what others say control your decisions. You both should have a heart to heart, with honesty. I wish you the best.
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If you are not happy, your children will feel it. Your best bet is to take care of yourself first as your children will get the best care from a happy Mother not a sad Mother.
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What is it that you’re wanting? a father to your children? 
. A man who works to take care of his family? A hobby? get one. Romance and excitement? Maybe your husband would like it, too. You seem to be making yourself very unhappy by believing the grass is greener in someone else’s yard. Maybe your husband would be happier and better off without you.
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Unfortunately this situation is hard… I’m happily divorced to a man I had my 3 year old with but for good reasons not because I just didn’t love him anymore but he was cheating and deceitful and mean. I still did everything in my power for 3 years to try and work through these issues with him because he was my husband and leaving isnt an easy choice make sure your not overwhelmed with home and all those beautiful babies you made together and actually want to leave befor you make a choice you cant take back. I spent almost a year making my choice to walk away please be sure
Shame that your family is saying that to you… But if you tell him how youre feeling and he chooses not to change then i feel like itd be time for me to exit the situation.
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If he has not cheated on you or drinks or hits you or is disrespectful to you then you need to step back and take a deep breath. Having 4 kids in 5 years is tough and because he gets to get out of the house and socialize even if it’s for work there may be some deep down resentment. You need to find something you like to do and take a few hours a week and hire a sitter or get those family members that want you to stay in the marriage to watch your kids for you so you can get out of the house once a week.
Go to the library or take a class in a craft or take up yoga maybe make it a spa day. You need to do something for you. Also have a date night once a month. Have a family member watch your kids for a few hours to go to eat and a movie. Doesn’t have to be expensive. Mcdonald’s and a Sunday matinee or a picnic. Good luck but give it a try before you throw in the towel. Believe me the grass is not greener on the other side. The guys out there are not good.
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Maybe you are just both stressed out because it is alot of work to maintain a family with 4 kids 5 & under. Maybe some time alone together could help.
Make him pay alimony to you child support for kids go get food stamps and kick his ass out
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Girl if you’re not happy, then leave. I was in the same situation. 4 kids, 5 years marriage… however, counseling has helped.
You’re not here to live how your side of the family wants you to live. You’re here to live your life. Screw what they say! You’re not happy? Leave.
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Why would you keep having kids if you don’t love him. Good luck momma
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No judgement here. Check with local & state agencies that can help you get set up with housing/grocery assistance. Look for a local playgroup - perhaps a local church, library or Moms Club to get the kids some play time & you some support. Sounds like you need some ME time to get your head on straight & make a plan.
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Personally if I did not care for someone I would of not been getting into it with him or would of gotten some sort of birth control or fixed after #1. If you think it’s hard now, just imagine doing it all plus more on your own. I don’t know what to tell you other then take the kids to a gym or park, find some other baby momma’s or a support group. Throw your frustrations into other areas and make them useful and not destructive.
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If you’re not happy and you’ve tried everything you need to do what’s best for you. Your kids will sense your unhappiness and sounds like resentment.
If you do leave you should make a plan to have a place ready for you and your children. Even if you think your husband won’t fight for custody or pull some dirty divorce tactics, think again. Divorce changes people and if you go for child support that might fuel his anger and he might be angrier. If you don’t have a place lined up for your children, he is no doubt going to get full custody. You have to have a place for your children.
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he is providing you an your family with a roof an food etc. if you think you can do better on your own. by all means leave. no point being unhappy. good luck to you.
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That’s true but he did help make therefore he should help take care of them
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Just remember that it’s not fair to the kids to see unhappy parents.
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I got married because I got pregnant but I married my child hood sweet heart he married me to give the baby a name the father never stepped up but it
Asked 8 months even thought we went together for years then I married 3 more times so be very careful your raising them while he works if you leave your still going to be doing it all
Get a part time job or volunteer or get a hobby. Get out of the house for a bit.
When the thought first enters your mind
If your family won’t open the doors 5o you and your kids if you leave him, have them volunteer to take care of your kids so you and your husband have time to yourselves. Maybe you will both be reminded of what brought you together in the first place. Beat of luck. And, no this is not an immature post. I think the majority of us women go through this.
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Can you financially and emotionally support four kids by yourself? If the answer is yes then make yourself happy. However not a lot of ppl can say yes. I knew I couldn’t walk way and 100% support them so I said SOMETHING here has to change IM not happy. WE are not happy. I ended up going back to work and now because of the world flipping upside down he is staying home with our kids and now after 7 months he gets it. I need me time. He needs me time and We need us time. It’s helped us but it’s just a start.
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Soooooo… you want a divorce from a hardworking husband because he has to sleep and can’t be there to “help” you with the kids? Smh. You’re a sad excuse for a stay at home mom. Because of him, you ARE able to stay at home with the kids. If you want to help lighten the financial load so he can spend time with you… GO TO WORK. Smh.
FYI… if you were to get a divorce, you’d probably have to go to work because no one in your family seems willing to help your ass.
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It took me 25 years…and I didn’t have kids til 13 yrs ago it. I’ve been gone for almost 7 years… dont wait and question it. If you dont feel it, it’s over. Good luck momma!!
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Hmmmmm sticky situation…I can see how him being on nights can be a problem here. Is he willing to change that? My opinion is that if theres nothing toxic happening then I personally would try and make it work. Make real changes and maybe being around each other as a family more would help
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The response posts that I just read through blew my mind. We should be supporting this person who reached out for help- what is the point of shaming??
My thoughts are you have this one life. Yes, you chose to bring 4 beautiful lives into this world with this man- you will always have a connection/bond with him. That doesn’t mean you have to stay in a marriage where you are no longer IN LOVE with the person who shares those 4 beautiful souls. Figuring out how to be independent with 4 little mouths to feed must be terrifying! It must feel even worse to not have support from family while going through this! But asking for advice is a great first step. Look into all resources available to you- google can sometimes be a beautiful thing. I would also try to make this transition (should you choose to leave) as positive and smooth as possible, for both you and your husband and your children. Seeing as you have both been involved with marriage counseling already, Is an open, honest conversation with him out of the question? (As in “I’ve fallen out of love with you and this relationship is no longer working for either of us clearly- how can we move apart from each other while making sure that our little ‘ family’ will always be okay?”) At the end of the day, all 6 of you deserve a long, happy, fulfilled life- if you can, try your best to figure out what that looks like between you and your husband… I hope that helps! Sending many positive vibes your way, mama!
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You need to do whatever is going to make you happy! I was in a similar situation with my ex husband & my family pushed me into marrying him as well. In the long run i got very depressed & was just lonely all the time bcuz all he did was work & sleep. I finally made the choice to get a divorce & my family said the same exact thing about not being allowed at their houses… So what I did was I saved up as much as I could with whatever “allowce” my husband would give me every month to pay for whatever was needed & then i looked into HUD for housing & DSS & many other resources around my community that I could get help from for housing & cash etc then I did it i left & got a divorce & im alot happier & not so stressed eventually my family came around & accepted the fact that I wasn’t happy & now we go & visit them here & there so the moral of what im trying to tell you is if your not happy & you have tried & tried its time to make the choice that will let you be happy in life & if thats divorce then so be it you cant let your family or anyone gold you back & be unhappy forever… otherwise what kind of life is that? What kind of example do you want to set for your kids? If you stay & continue being unhappy your telling your kids that if they ended up in a same situation then being unhappy is the way to go… So keep your head held high & make the best choice for your happiness! It will all work out the way it’s supposed to in the end i promise even if it does take some time…
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The night shift is killer i had that shift i got no grace from my husband i still got home n did it all. Honestly yall had kids so back to back (me too ages 8, 6, and 4) finally now that they’re at this age my husband and i have found time to bond n we literally had a heart felt conversation of starting over with out the break up. We too got married because we were pregnant too i think you need to stick it out if u love him n ur little fam its hard its sacrificial. But then again my husband and I had the same core values of always working things out for us for them but we would never tolerate cheating. It’s hard but it gets a little easier when the kids start to be more independent
Good luck
Kids b happier if u go. U would b 2…leave
Hmmmm… So why would you want to leave him? It’s super rough on a relationship with kids that young. Maybe y’all should put date night on the agenda 1-2x a month. Get creative. Surprise him, have kids with sitter, plan the whole night. It doesn’t have to cost a lot of $. Picnic under the stars, a walk together, window shopping in a new town. And counseling is like shopping for a car, don’t settle for the first one, you have to keep looking until you find the right fit.
At the end of the day, it’s your life. Kids grow up and move out and Star their own families. If you don’t see your forever with your husband then maybe it’s time to move on.
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Also dont listen to some of these people who are saying how you screwed up & now you have to stay until the kids are older bcuz thats total bullshit straight up… My parents got divorced while my brother & i was young & they were still friends & kind to each other to the point of us being avle to celebrate our bdays all together & holidays instead of them fighting constantly & all that. Sometimes kids rather there parents get divorced instead of dealing with or hearing them fight all the time or seeing thier mom or dad being unhappy… Staying in a relationship where either of you are unhappy or even just one of you is 10x more toxic for the kids then getting a divorce!! I’m speaking from experience on that having to see & go throu it with my own parents
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If your family’s choices influence you to the point of marrying someone, and they won’t give you a roof if you leave the marriage, then perhaps your family can step up and help you with the kids so you can have time to get a part time job. From there, you can decide if it is really that you don’t love him anymore or if you are burnt out. And dont listen to the “you resent a man that gives you the world” people. If you get a divorce and have a custody agreement, he is going to have to parent when he has the kids. One day a week isn’t going to kill a man to lose a couple hours of sleep to spend time with his children so his wife can unwind.
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If you didn’t want to get married to begin with why continue to have so many kids🤦🏼♀️
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It really sounds like you need to do some soul searching and learn to speak up for what you want in life; both to your family and your husband. If he was abusive I would say run, but over nightshift? My husband works nights and travelled for a month at a time for work; and although it’s hard you really have to put yourself in their shoes. It’s a huge sacrifice that they make, trying to sleep during the day when it’s often hotter and a lot noisier; missing out on time with their family. It’s not easy but they do it anyway. I would say that if you’re struggling with four kids, put the three younger ones in childcare one day a week - tell your husband that you NEED time for yourself and your sanity; tell your family to either help out with the kids one day a week or fuck off because you’re only human and struggling and they just have to accept that; and try and get more of an identity back outside of being a mum - I took up drums and love it!! Also, it sounds very much like you need to tell your husband that you are finished having kids. If you are unhappy as it is, don’t bring more into the situation.
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Well…it sounds like something needs to change. Do you guys want to try and change to have a better relationship, he can get another job (would he be open to that). You can go back to work or go to school and then get a job and then if you still feel the same way, you’ll be in the position to leave. But either way something has to change. You need time to yourself and for you guys or your going to burn yourself out even more. Good luck and don’t listen to these assholes saying ignorant crap to you 
.
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If it’s a mutual feeling between you 2 then it’ll probably be best to separate. Work out an agreement between you 2 on living arrangements. But don’t stay because everyone else telling you you should. Kids growing up with unhappy parents isn’t a good situation. Sometimes separation is best good luck mama
I mean if nothing has happened to cause you to stop being loving to him, then perhaps it’s a you problem and not a both problem. He sounds like he’s doing what he can to support the 6 of y’all and is exhausted. You need therapy for PPD, I wouldn’t make any decisions until YOU are better. Suddenly losing interest in your SO with no reason is a red flag for mental illness.
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If you stay for the kids be very AWARE that the behaviour you don’t like in your husband is what you are teaching your children. And if you fight with your hubby that effects your kids as well.
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