Take time to let that news sink in. It won’t feel okay right away, but just remind yourself that you’re blessed with your three little ones. Over time hopefully it will sink in & be less painful. It’s hard to accept things when they’re different from how you planned - just try to see the upside and remain positive. You got this!
Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. When does wanting a baby stop?
Consider adoption. My SIL is doing foster care for little ones.
Maybe discuss fostering or adoption with your husband. There are so many children needing loving homes.
Volunteer at daycare or summer camps.
Babysitting another idea
Never for me . I’m 43 and still want more
you have 3 healthy kids, You both agreed not to have any more, Be grateful with what you have, Just because you are infertile doesn’t make you any less of a woman, See a therapist to help you deal with this. And remember you were blessed with 3 kids already, a lot of woman would do anything just to have one baby
There are many many options available for having more children such as adoption.
I think you just know when your done, my husband and I decided to stop at 2 and I was wondering for a while if it was what I wanted and had moments of wanting another but when I sit down and think about it I realise that I really don’t want another, I value the independence I have now. The 2 I have are my entire life but I enjoy being able to bathe in peace, having a nap on the sofa when I feel like it and not being woken several times a night. Only you will know whrn you are done. You could Foster or adopt if your not done yet xx
Focus on what you have. You agreed you were done. Maybe this is just the way things were supposed to be.
I’m 47 & my son will be 27 in 2 months. I’ve wanted another since miscarrying in 2000. To me, the heart wants what the heart wants. I can’t help it. You’re feelings are truly 100% valid💕
I had to have a hysterectomy 8 years ago due to some medical problems. This came as sudden news about a year after my youngest(of 3) was born. We had decided prior to our youngest be born that he would be our last and that I would have my tubes tied because my dr told me that if I had another pregnancy like his, it could be fatal. I was ok with it at that point because that option of having a child was still there(via ivf or tubal reversal). Once I found out I had to have a hysterectomy my world shattered because I knew that would never be an option again. It’s now been 8 years and I still long for another baby, but it’s not as bad as it was even 5 years ago. It will get easier. What helped me the most was seeing a therapist! She helped me work through these feelings, and coping mechanisms. I still see her to this day!
You should foster to adopt or foster only a lot of children need someone to love them
You did have 4. The one you lost is still with you
You should be grateful for what you have. Many women can’t have one due to issues.
Your going to be am amazing grandmother one day!
Awe, I’m turning 50 . And I still get baby fever. I had my first at 18, I lost her to sids. My living children are 29, 23, 16, and 5! Grandkids also. Losing a child no matter how or when will always leave a hole that you cannot refill. I tried over and over❤️ try volunteering with kids at hospital or community or foster. In the memory if your loss.
Adoption is an option. My husband has 2 kids from a past relationship, we have 2 together. We’ve talked about having another, but knowing there is a chance that I would have a girl helped with my decision. I only want sons with him. So we’re not taking that chance, it just wouldn’t be fair.
For everyone telling the OP to be grateful for the ones she has: where does she show her ungratefullness? Did I miss something? … right
For the OP: its normal. You love your family and love nurturing/teaching/caring for little souls that grow up to be big souls lol you sound like you still have a lot of love to give! Maybe consider fostering? There are so many babies/kids/teens that could strongly benefit from a loving environment! Good luck!
You feel what you feel. Having a miscarriage really angered me- having that choice taken away. Perhaps a little counseling could help. Positivity and prayers your way as you navigate this emotional land mine.
foster kids if you need more. plenty of babies need families or help
4 was number also, but I had to get my tubes tied after my 3rd was born 2 months early. High risk and on bed rest with all 3…only 1 was full term. I was 29 at the time, I’m 40 now and I’m just truly accepting that I really will not be having another baby and I’m ok with it. I remind myself that I was blessed with 3 healthy children despite the odds against it. The miscarriage has definitely had an affect on you…grieve that loss. I suffered numerous miscarriages, allow yourself to grieve for that loss and for the loss of your fertility.
What about becoming a big?? You can still share your love with other kids while making a difference.
I had these feelings after I lost my first child it was very difficult but once I had three healthy happy babies I was personally content I did get my tubes tied after my last baby and again felt some kind of loss to what could have been but it’s been 4 going on 5 years and I now enjoy the little time I get here and their that’s adult time my babies are still little of course 8 5 and 4 so it’s not like I don’t have little ones …… I was looking at baby videos just the other day and started crying because they grow so fast it’s always very hard to live in the moment but so easy to Dwell in the past it doesn’t help that my mother In law wants up to try for another girl seriously always mentions it lol like you can just go get your tubes untied my sister in law has 5 babies three were pretty much all in high school and then she got her tubes untied to have a baby with her husband that was his her oldest was 18 she then got pregnant less then a year later so two new babies honestly don’t know how she does it I want to enjoy my children going to sporting events and being big enough to go hiking ect not packing a newborn threw those life experiences and having to miss out on it all again this is great birth control for my self not to mention the cost of college I’m never going to get to retire lol
Age 40 … had three children, but wanted four so they could have half as much fun as I did with seven siblings. My plan wasn’t God’s plan … anyway, decided I didn’t need/want a toddler at that age!
Foster children!! They need good people!!!
Honestly go work in a daycare now that all your kids will be in school request the baby room
You can work at a day care
I was only able to carry one baby to term, so when she was about 1 1/2,I started doing child care. She had seudo sibs growing up and I got my baby fix.
It’s pretty insensitive to tell the OP to just be grateful for what she has and to compare her to women who can’t have any. She’s fully allowed to feel her pain without being made to feel bad because others can’t have one! Stop comparing struggles.
Filling a void by having children - or feeling less than since you can’t have more- tells me you have no identity outside of being a mom. there is more to you than just being a mom. you still have three children within the home- what happens when they leave after they grow up? Invest in yourself.
Be a foster parent, volunteer at schools, work at daycare or just wait until you can be a Grandma
I felt like this too after getting my tubes tied. But one of my older friends told me something that has always stuck with me. This is just a new chapter in your life. You have so many more adventures waiting for you that you don’t know about yet. Including grandchildren. So let that chapter close
I was told I could never get pregnant and even if I did, I wouldn’t be able to carry at all. A few miscarriages, 1 stillbirth before finally hearing this, and also several rounds of IVF, nothing worked. Because of this, in my prior marriage I never had a number like most people say they do, I always assumed mine would be zero and I would just be that awesome aunt that every kid needs. 6 years ago when I married my now husband, I was on birth control to regulate my periods & got pregnant 31 days after we got married. Although a few complications, I carried to full term and delivered naturally, a healthy baby girl. 2 years later I was on the depo shot whereas I had been in the pill before. Got pregnant with my now baby boy, had a pretty rough pregnancy that I still have issues from and he spent quite a bit of time in the NICU after coming 6 weeks early, having fluid on his brain, cord wrapped around his little neck for so long and the lack of oxygen and some other brain/head trauma and here we are with a happy healthy 2 year old boy. I think GOD determines when we are done, not science: I’ve kinda been feeling lately that I want another baby but then I’m like uh-uh nope! Lol he may just have a plan to bring a sweet child into your life, in a way that you least expect. Just stay open to all options and try to be patient. You may be done, or you may not be. Whether it’s another child or grandchild one day, you have a lot of love in your heart to share so much with a child, and that is amazing! Best wishes and prayers for you!!
You could always adopt!
It is okay to grieve the life you wanted to have!! I’m so sorry for your loss and I’m praying you find a way to get past all of this
Once you make it through your grieving you’ll be able to start finding light in the little places again but as of now this is something you just have to process. I can’t say anything will make it easier because your healing journey is your own.
I would like to remind you that you are not incomplete you have 3 beautiful babies already (wether or not they’re actually babies anymore they’ll always be your babies) I think the best thing I could do is get closer with them. After I had my miscarriage all I wanted was my son next to me, I’m not saying unload all the issues but spending good quality time with them might bring the light back just a little sooner
Girl I am 60 and if I could I would still have another baby. I have 4 had to have hysterectomy after my last one.
Never … I stopped because I had Hyperemesis gravidarum with both my children .
Foster kittens or puppies. It helps with the need to take care of babies without having more kids. It’s helped me a lot
I think it’s normal to feel “less than” or incomplete as you said after hearing you CAN’T have children (more than you have or at all). It’s so much part of our identity as women who want children so it’s a loss to hear you can’t. I was devastated to find out at a young age that the chances of me conceiving were very slim. I managed to conceive and carry to term one beautiful girl, lost my son in a miscarriage, and never conceived again. It was still a devastating loss to have the doctor tell me at 30 that the slim chance I had before was even smaller and if I did manage it, the pregnancy would kill me. It’s still a loss I grieve today, 5 years later, at times.
Mine stopped after my last one, thats why my tubes are double clamped… I don’t miss the crying, the late night feedings, diapers, limited freedom, screaming babies in the stores etc… my oldest is 22 & youngest is 16, I take care of my besties lil one, but im good… I like not having to pack a bag to leave my house… ik some hospitals allow help to hold & rock babies, not sure about other places…
Maybe try child care for babies certain ages.
You could get a job at a day care, start your own home day care, or volunteer at your kids school.
I don’t think it ever goes away. Mind you, I just had twins in December 7.5 weeks early and everything was traumatic so I didn’t get any closure with having them like I wished. Ive been grieving not having anymore (IVF babies, can’t have the natural ones unfortunately) it’s so expensive and my husband is dead set on no so I just live through friends who are having children and trying to hold onto my emotions (ha) no one really understands unless they’ve gone through it. I feel you though, mama. 100%
I had 5 girls. I am now 41 and the longing for another child never goes away. I just fill the void with my grandkids.
Look into foster or adoption
Adopt. Women are care givers it’s how we are built. Your soon to be 5 no longer needs u as much that’s why you are craving a now craving a new baby. U can always babysit for close friends or even as an extra way to make an income. Honestly if your partner isn’t on the same page as u.it will be harder
I got my tubes tied with my one and done. I see a new born I still feel regret.
But now seeing how my son needs me daily I don’t regret as much.
Try looking into foster or adoption.
I absolutely LOVE brings momma…I have three kids … always wanted 5. One I became a grandma, that changed! Being a grandma is the best hing ever!!!
Maybe start babysitting or work at a daycare or get degree in early development so can work with Kindergarteners. That way can nurture the desire to parent and take care if kids but bot going against husband’s wishes to be done with babies…
Be thankful that you were able to have had the three you were blessed with. Someone women can’t conceive at all.
I’m sorry you’re going through this. I know the incomplete feeling. Although I’m not infertile. I’ve had 3 miscarriages in the last 3 years. I only have 1 child, he’s 10, and have always wanted a very big family. Maybe talk to your husband about adoption or becoming foster parents? I saw a message about working at a day care… I think that’s a wonderful idea. Sending all the positive vibes your way!
Become a foster parent! They are so badly needed.
Try thinking about fostercare. There is a great need.
Thank God you have 3 healthy kids and realize that we don’t always get everything we want. Many people can’t have kids or have kids with disabilities.
My eldest one is almost 20 and I still want a baby, we have 5 (19, 15, 10, 9, 4) I said no more after each one! After number 4 done a tubal removal (number 5 is IVF!) and we have just started process for next IVF !!!
Sounds crazy but … its life!
Whatever works for both of you! Don’t be afraid of judgments!
maybe try fostering another child might help
I empathize. Had my 2 girls really young and figured I’d have more. At 32 I had a heart condition diagnosed and was told not to risk any more pregnancies.
Best advice I got was to make sure to not miss out on what is focusing on what could have been. I have 2 healthy, amazing girls… I’m so lucky for that.
Find a hobby you really love. Work slow to create an independent passion separate from raising your kids or volunteer for a cause you really believe in, that’s what pulled me out of a few years long funk after my heart gave out. Truly helps❤️
That feeling is my fear in getting my tubes tied. I’m more than good on kids, the thought of that not being my choice anymore bothers me though. I can’t imagine it not being my choice. God speed momma
Mmm my little just puked all over our couch and living room rug this week. It calmed me down pretty quick.
I’m 34 w/4 and honestly I still get that feeling too. But then I see how much chaos my 4 bring and it quickly changes my mind lol. Buuuut…still get baby fever.
WhenI was told I couldn’t have anymore kids after 2, I decided to look at it in a positive way. Many people pray for just one child and I have 2. I am grateful and blessed to their mom. And of course their is always adoption.
Focus on and enjoy your 3 beautiful kids, you did have your kid number just one of them is a Angel.
I have a feeling that you might still be grieving the loss of the baby and your fertility. Maybe go for counseling and consider being a foster parent. But that can be a challenging journey. Also, Try to remember to be grateful for the 3. So many can’t even have one.
Ignore anyone who brings up “be lucky you had any kids, other women can’t at all!” They are evil hearted people who clearly have an inability for compassion and kindness.
I would think you are grieving your miscarriage and the loss of a future potential baby. I agree with the other commenters about therapy and grief counseling and perhaps even looking into adoption or fostering. So much love and light to you
You can always adopt or foster. But your purpose of raising children is not over
How old are you? How are your resources? Count your blessings. Prayers
You may be going through depression, since you lost your last little one. I hope everything goes well for you
You will never get rid of this feeling. I had a full hysterectomy at age 27
I had my tubes tied after my 3rd child… i always thought about another child…then i got some grandkids
Maybe look into fostering, long or short term.
Whenever I think about the every 2 hour stage (yep, that newborn breastfeeding constantly, washing bottles and pumping constantly), pretty sure that’s when mine stops!
I honestly don’t think it ever really goes away. You just learn to live with it.
For me it was at baby #9 he’s almost 3 months old …
I have 5 teenagers you can barrow and that should clear that right up for ya!!!
Many women never even get a chance… you have 3 beautiful miracles already. Focus that energy on them.
You need to be grateful for the children you have. You’re always going to miss the baby stage. It goes by fast.
Enjoy your time…then grandkids start and you will have more of them than children…you will have a lot of babies to love still in your future and trust me the love of your newborn grand baby is INSTANT you will love it…so trust me rest up now!!! Hope this brings a smile…it’s so true count on it!!!
I agree with some of the commenters that you may likely still be grieving the loss due to your miscarriage and also the loss of your fertility. I would suggest see a counselor/therapist to work through it and if you still feel like you want one more maybe consider adoption or fostering.
I wanted like 5 but monetarily and physically I can maybe have two
Count your blessings
As a young lady in my mid 20s that was diagnosed with Stage 4 Endometriosis, I was told I would never be able to have children. I understand what you’re going through. You don’t need to “be grateful” or “let it go”. You need to grieve. You need to feel all of the emotions, just don’t let them completely take over. The pain will lessen with time, but honestly? Only God can heal that kind of broken heart. It’s ok to feel what you feel. Just because you have what others don’t doesn’t make your pain invalid.
Oh the proverbial “tug at the uterus” is so difficult to overcome. My prayers go out to you!
I have no words, I’m sorry for your loss. I lost 7 pregnancies, and have 1 son. I understand wanting more. For me, it hasn’t gotten better, I’m still angry mainly. After hysterectomy, there’s no more options. Just try to focus on being the best mom ever and then one day you’re going to be an awesome grandma!
Have you considered adopting or fostering? Maybe that is what you were also born to do
I’m sure that’s rough but everything happens for a reason that doesn’t help the depression and sadness so just try to focus your time and energy on your little humans now and hopefully you will feel better
Become a Foster parent. You can do long or short term. Maybe your next child will be adopted.
I agree with Florence Powell Tucker - try being a Foster parent. You can have a great impact on a child.
Foster adopt is a thing. I have a few friends that did Foster adopt.
It does pass but it hurts
Try getting a reborn doll.
You could always adopt or foster there are tons of babies and children that desperately need loving homes. I know that’s not exactly the same as carrying and birthing, but it could seriously change a child’s life to have a loving family take them in. A surrogate could also be an option. I dont agree with people telling you to be blessed with what you have. Of course you are blessed, and as a mother I know you know that. Very heartless comments. I pray healing and the best for you
I struggle with the same feelings. I have one biological son (7) and 3 step children. My partner had a vasectomy when he was with his ex wife. I didn’t get to enjoy having my baby when he was born due to DV. Struggled for many years through the family court. I knew I always wanted another baby though. I always wanted 2 and now I know it’s not going to happen. It hurts and I cry often about it. But I am so thankful for what I do have because I know there are people people out there that don’t have the option to have any children. I’m booked in to see a therapist to talk about these feelings and to get some guidance on how to overcome these feelings. Maybe something like that could help?
Do foster care hundreds of kids need love n care
There are dozens of babies in foster care and not near enough family’s to help. Please don’t close the door on those babies. They need you.
I’m 58 yrs old and have gone thru menopause and I still wish I could have had one more. My last pregnancy, I had a little girl who had trisomy 18 and only lived 2 weeks. I have two living children: 33 and 23
Maybe you can offer to foster or adopt a new baby.
Develop yourself outside of being a mom. Who were you before you had them? Who will you be after they move out? What were your dreams of a career?
Being something other than “mom” can give you purpose and resilience, and keep you from falling apart when your children grow up and move out.
When I lost a job, I could still know that I had purpose as a homeowners board member, a jewelry maker hobbyist, a modern dancer and a good, experimental cook, etc. Having varied interests and purposes makes you a better, more interesting and complex person and a better role model for your kids.
Get counseling too to come to terms with your “baby fever” (do you want to keep having babies forever?) and your infertility. The upside of the latter is no birth control! Keep a gratitude journal.
Also devote time to being a wife and lover to your husband, and diet and movement and other things to keep yourself a healthy, complete person all by yourself. Don’t forget to incorporate some form of spirituality into your life and your family’s life too.
Look forward to the things you can share with your kids as they get older and are able to understand and do more: going to museums, cultural events, cooking more complex dishes, having them drive and get groceries, watching sports or other more adult fare on TV that requires a longer attention span, lectures and classes, long hikes, travel to less kid-friendly places, eventually craft beer and wine tastings if that sounds like fun.
Good luck! Often happiness is a choice we have to work at, and practice looking at things in a positive way, like looking for the silver linings. It can change your whole outlook and view of life!
Take the three you have and be very grateful. I lost my daughter who was 50 and iam still grieving.
I understand this feeling. I had 5 beautiful kids with my husband, and 1 month after my youngest was born I found out my biopsy was malignant ovarian cancer. I was 30 and going to college. Ultimately it led to having to quit college and then a complete hysterectomy. We didn’t plan to have more kids, but it still felt like the biggest part of my womanhood was taken from me. I still struggle with that feeling 8 years later.