At what age would you tell your children the person they thought was their grandpa is only their step grandpa and who their actual grandpa is? I.e. the man I called dad passed in April '22 the only gpa my kids have ever known I havnt talked to my “father” in going on 14 years and would love to avoid that but I KNOW some day when they’re older questions will come out and idk what to do. Tell them now? Maybe in a couple years? Or just tell them when their questions start coming? They are currently 7&9
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We just kinda figured it out as we got older and it didn’t bother us. Our dads dad was alive but abusive and he was raised from about 12 or 13 by his stepdad. We called him Grandpa and one day I asked my dad why he called him J R… he told us and we said oh and moved on. Our Grandma was happy and our Grandpa was still grandpa.
Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. When should I tell my kids about their grandpa?
Why hide it from them? Just tell them they have a grandpa that passed away.
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Being biologically related doesn’t make whoever contributed to your conception a grandpa. It isn’t that hard to explain the difference between family and relatives at any age.
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Why would they question it?? Unless this man is back in your life why bother bringing it up?? I hate the step word I really do
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They may be a little young to fully understand the situation but I wouldn’t hide it from them. Is the a reason you don’t speak to your father something serious or a petty fight? If it had to do with something criminal then I wouldn’t even bother telling them anything.
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My kids have known since they were babies. They are 8 and 5 and they know their papa isn’t biologically related but he is my daddy and their Papa. That my real dad wasn’t always the best person and just came back into my life a couple years ago and that’s Grandpa R.
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Why do you need to tell them My Step Dad was the best Grandpa to my kids when they got older they figured it out But they still Loved him more than anything When he passed 5 months ago they were devastated
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My kids knew as soon as they were old enough that they had 3 grandfather’s their papa ( husband’s stepfather) grandfather which went to heaven in the 80’s and my dad is grandpa. Kids understand more than what you think
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Why would questions come up unless u told them about your bio dad or he has been around again
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I’ve always known my grandpas wife was his second wife, but she is still my grandma.
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They don’t need to know that. Not now. He was your dad, he’s their grandfather. They need to know nothing more than that.
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My kids have 2 poppys and a grumpy, grumpy is my dad , poppy is my step dad and old poppy is there great grandfather.
Honestly I don’t think it’s a big deal nor do I think your kids would ever ask questions.
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Don’t have to be biological my step dad is grandad to my child brother and my sisters kids and its noticeable cos I’m brown he’s ginger 
Don’t care he’s my dad my child’s grandad my mum passed in 2020 and we all look after him he’s in his 70s I don’t think blood related means anything it’s the unconditional love they have for you and their grandchildren.
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I don’t get why they would ever question it if that’s the only grandpa they’ve ever known and you haven’t even seen your bio in 14 years?
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My kids and grandkids all know that their grandpa, who passed in January, was technically my stepdad and that my bio father is out in the world somewhere (haven’t seen him in 32 years). They don’t care. It’s a non issue. Just tell them.
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They don’t need to know, he WAS their grandpa
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to start with you should never tell them that the grandpa they knew was “only” their step grandpa, he WAS their grandpa. I would wait until they asked questions and then just tell them the truth, that you do not have a relationship with him and that the grandpa they knew was their “real” grandpa. I see no reason to mention it at all at their age, I am sure when they are teens that they might ask questions.
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Honestly they probably won’t even question it 
you said that you never spoke to your dad in the last 14 years and they have known their step grandpa as grandpa so unless someone else says something or their step grandpa says how he’s not their biological grandpa then don’t bother
Blood doesn’t make you a grandparent or parent. Their grandpa is/was your step dad, there’s no reason for them to know any different right now. Maybe when they’re teenagers if you ever feel like telling them about your bio dad you can but I don’t see any reason now.
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Why tell them at all? My “step” grandma was better than my bio one. It wasn’t really discussed like that with my kids. My youngest is 12 & overheard adults talking, asked me, I answered & that was that.
It is only a big deal if you make it a big deal.
You tell them nothing that’s their grandpa. I HATE the word STEP like why does that even have to be in it. That’s their grandpa and has been.
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When their questions start coming. My kids don’t know my mother…. I thought about saying she was no longer with us when my youngest asked lol (I didn’t). They don’t need to know all the gritty details.
He is their grandpa!
I wouldnt worry about it at least until the know how biological children are made. Otherwise, I don’t see why it’s necessary. I’d bring it up in the teen years. But it all depends on your kids.
My mom & step dad told me when I was 10 that he was not my biological father. It was a lot to take in but I had so many questions and was so curious about my bio dad & bio family. As I got older I saw it how it was my steo dad was my dad & I have no relationship nor met or spoke to my bio dad still till this day I’m now 30. I did end up finding out I had s half brother & we just found each other we talk on the phone & plan on meeting here real soon! (Bio dad wasn’t apart of his life either)
I still have yet to meet the bio family side as well, as I got older I just realized family isn’t always blood. My dad passed 4 years ago & I wouldn’t want to have more time with anyone more!
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when one of our older hutterite friends passed on, my kids didnt realize he was not thier Grand father, thier grief was real and i never told them not to grieve, as they got older they knew who thier family was but the family never paid attention to them so i figure its all good either way
TELL EM. WHY do you have to sugar coat every thing. Cop will book you if you do wrong. all part of Growing up.
Why do you have to? I don’t get it. it’s not necessary information maybe when they’re older and they can understand more
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My sons know my husbands stepdad is their step grandfather but my husband dad died.
Blood doesn’t make you family. It isn’t a need to know
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Family is not always blood. It’s who you call and who always has your back!!! That’s family!!!
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Blood don’t make a family my son knows I have 2 dads and both are his pop pop he asked on time and I said I was. Blessed to be loved my bio dad wasn’t always the best person but now that he is sober and clean he has made the best and I’m thankful for both !!
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Why tell them anything different
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Let everyone be a grandparent. There’s no step grandparents. My ex wife’s mom is still my sons grandma. No questions. Cmon people. You’re causing yourselves unnecessary stress.
If you don’t have a relationship with him at all it can wait.
Why even bring it up when they are little? Our family is full of “step” parents, grandparents, brothers and sisters. My 4 and 6 grandkids only know them as papa, grandma, uncle or aunt as well as cousins. The grandkids know who my mom and dad are as well as papa’s mom and dad. When they are older, if they ask how it works we will explain it. Family is family. Blood doesn’t make a family. My children call our dearest friends aunt and uncle. The more love they have the better their lives will be. No boundaries need to be put up
You leave it as grandpa. Just tell them they have another grandpa also
Your dad passed. Their pap passed. Period. End of story.
I’m very sorry for your family’s loss, but that’s as far as it goes. Just because your biological father is your biological father, does not mean he is your dad or their pap.
My mom married my dad when I was 8. Biologically, he’s not my dad. But in every other aspect, he is. My oldest two know who my biological father is because they were the first grandchildren and he came around once in a while, my youngest two have no clue who he is and never will. I haven’t seen that man in years upon years. When my (step) dad passed, we will have lost my dad and their Bop Bop. That’ll be it.
When they get older, IF they ask any questions, answer them. At that point they will be old enough to understand the difference between a biological parent/grandparent and a real parent/grandparent.
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Does it really matter? He loved them and they loved him right? So why does the step part matter? My step dad is the best papa to my daughter. When she’s old enough to ask questions I’m just going to tell her that she has multiple grand fathers, my step dad, my real dad and my FIL. That’s it, I’m not explaining any further. Kids know who was there and who wasn’t so in the end don’t be so hung up on the step part.
Tell them now. They have two grandpas. One they’ve never met.
Tbh let them figure it out on their own they still have innocence left in em
I would just wait until they are older or if it comes up. No need to pile information on them they haven’t asked for or questioned. Let them be kids and let them remember and see the world as a kid.
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Blood doesn’t make a family. I personally wouldn’t bother telling them anything different. He might not be biologically related to them, but it sure sounds like he is their grandpa anyways!
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My dad passed before my children were born. But they know of him as their Papa. My oldest is named after him. They also know I have a sperm donor. It’s just in conservation. Talk to your kids about your past.
Anyone can be a bio-grandpa, but it takes a very special person to be a real Grandpa. I’d wait till they are older, especially if he has never been in their life so far. Your Dad chose to love you and be there for you. He deserves the respect and love from the kids.
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My son is 7 and it’s just come up naturally that my husband has a step dad and that’s who we see more often. They are both counted as grandparents. I also cut off contact with part of my family, a grandparent and aunt, and we still talk about them at times so my kids are aware of them but know that we don’t talk to them any more. Just keep it simple that they exist but you don’t have to tell them details unless they ask.
I dont understand why you have to, on both sides of my kids family they only have a step grandmas who treat my children amazing and are the true grandmas, but they will never in 1000 years know their bio grandma on my side nor will she ever be mentioned, as for their other blood grandma on their fathers side. She dont care nor comes around so they wont see her either nor should they know about her. They wont question what they dont know especially if they are not in the picture.
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They just lost him a few months ago. Please wait. I’m sure their little hearts still hurt just like yours. Good vibes❤️ My dad died when I was 11 and my stepdad has been a wonderful grandpa to the girls.
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The grandpa they know and loved died
Tell them you had another dad once but he left a long time ago and hasn’t been seen in years. Rest is as need be
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Family doesn’t always mean blood. He was thier grandpa and your dad in all things that matter. Kids don’t care about biological things yes they want to know where they came from sometimes with parents but a grandparent au t uncle doesn’t have to be blood. My kids adoptive grandma cares about and SHOWS she cares more then thier bio grandmother. Shit she didn’t even wish a single one of my 3 kids even a happy birthday.
I don’t there’s a need to tell them. Related or not that man was still their grandparent. And also lots of times people of more then one grandparent. I had a grandpa through marriage to my grandma I didn’t find out til I was older it was only through marriage but he loved us all like his own. So I never thought of him as any less.
My 2 youngest only knew my dad my mum passed before they were born he dated a lady who my kids call grandma when her and my dad broke up she still was grandma and her boyfriend they called grandpa all on there own my dad recently passed 5 years ago so technically they have no grandparents but the ones that are not blood they don’t ask question so I have not gone into detail and they are 11 and 7
My kids always call my step dad grampie, also they know who my bio dad is and call him grampie too. Did that from day 1. There is no step its simply grampie.
FAMILY DOES NOT ALWAYS HAVE TO BE BLOOD! Why even say anything? Ur children love him and I’m sure they enjoy him. Is the step grandpa treating them like blood?
You can have multiple grandpas. Don’t forget the one who was there grandpa. Just explain that this is your other grandpa. I didn’t learn that my grandpa was actually a step grandpa till I was older.
Just introduce him as another grandpa that they haven’t really got to see. My kids have a step grandpa that they have always known but they also know the bio one. They don’t even really put two and two together. Nor do they care lol
I dont think you need to tell them really. Until they’re older. Unless you’re planning on introducing them to your bio dad.
My grandfather is not biological but he’s my grandpa in every way that matters. I knew my bio grandfather was out there but my mother never cared to see him so neither did I. He died in my late 30’s and I didn’t feel loss because I never met him.
It was never complicated because my mother never made it complicated 
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When they’re adults? Or teenagers? Idk. My dad is actually my step dad. and I’ve literally never lost sleep over this thought. My dad is my kids grandpa 100000% and I know when the time comes my kids will not care or be bothered by this conversation if and when they find out. I don’t know who my biological father is. And I don’t think my kids will be bothered to find any of this out lol. I think you’re worrying about something that’s not an issue.
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Wait until they start asking questions.
My kids know I have a sperm donor but only know one grandpa, it was never a step situation. He was my dad, he never walked away! I am also a step and foster mom but there are no titles such as that in my house! They will always be my babies, why does blood make or break a title? My love for those kids are the same and the love “my dad” had for me is the same. ( we lost him to cancer in 2013)
I didnt know my grandpa wasn’t my blood (married to my grandma) till I was 13 and put the pieces together myself. Didn’t change a thing though. I’d just not say thing bc blood doesn’t make a family.
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I have a chunk missing from my family tree because my grandma’s dad was her stepdad and the took on his name. Idk if thru adoption or just did it way back when. Her children don’t know the real dad’s name or anything and when I search it only comes up with his name attached to hers. I wish I knew. That being said unless the kids are a young age ask I would wait til they were teens in case they would like to follow their family tree
Should have mentioned it from the beginning, to normalize it. It’s just information then, doesn’t change how they feel. Now it’s going to seem like a dirty little secret or something.
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I wouldn’t tell them? I never told mine. Just the fact they have grandma and grandpas that love them… now if it was a mom or dad I’d have an different opinion
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Start mentioning now that their Grampa is your step dad. Frankly I don’t think it matters. My husband is Grampa to our grandkids. He has been around since before their birth. I had two grampa’s that were step grampa’s and I didn’t think of them any other way than that they were my Grampa.
Remember DNA does not make a love bond. Love does. Adoration does!
The more you make it seem to matter the more it will matter.
Just let them love him. Who cares if he is step or not.
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Tell them when they ask…?
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There is no need to tell them
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I had three sets of grandparents. I always knew that both sets of grandparents were divorced and one step-grandpa was a widower. It was never a secret and mentioned regularly.
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He is their grandpa…
I had a similar situation with my husbands parents. I just told my kids right from the start. I just explained that he is the one who raised their dad and that that is his dad but his father was someone else who wanted nothing to do with him so we only look to grandpa as his dad bc he’s been there from the beginning. They get it and they had questions but we only handled them as they came up.
Why tell them? Blood doesn’t define family and this is a great example 
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My husband stayed apart of his step family after his mom divorced his stepdad the man who raised him from age 7. My boys know his family as ours there is no such thing as step or half in our family we are family and that’s all that matters. He is their grandpa and that’s all they need to know. I was adopted I have two family’s actually 3 not including my husband’s family and my boys if they ask one day I will tell them the pg side of things but my boys will always know family is family no matter what blood runs through us.
Let them figure it out in their own. That’s what my parents did. Me an my sister still have the best relationship with our ‘step’ grampas. All we’ve ever known
If any of your kids end up being ancestry nuts like me, information like this is great to know and something they will figure out with or without you. Also, health history is a good thing to be aware of as well. And I would tell them now. Kids are smart and so much stronger than given credit for. But I’d refer to him as your biological dad and bio grandpa. Your dad and their real grandpa passed away.
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We discuss it occasionally as it comes up. Like they know I don’t have a dad. I have a step dad who isn’t really my dad. He didn’t come into my life till I was an adult and I never lived with him. Still love him. But not my dad. So they ask occasionally why I don’t call him dad and I explain that he’s not.my dad and my biological dad wasn’t a nice guy so you probably will never meet him. Good thing you have gpop (my step father) because he loves you a super lot. As it comes up we talk about it I’m age appropriate terms
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People are asking “why tell them?” Tell them because they might feel like they’ve been lied to when you do tell them or they find out on their own. If they found out on their own, they might think you were lying to them and might be resentful. I would tell them for sure. They will appreciate in the future that you didn’t keep it from them. The best thing is to be honest and tell them where they came from, about their biological family, etc. I know from experience 
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I would just tell them if and when they ask, like it was no big secret/deal and you didn’t think anything of it because he was your dad. Don’t make it into a big deal and that it doesn’t matter about DNA just love and support!
Grandparents is totally diff than mom and dad kinda thing. Step grandpa/gma isnt a thing. Is it? Or just gma and gpa. Cause a ton of people have “step” grandparents 
their world isnt gunna be turned upside down with that vs “your dad isnt your bio dad”
I found out after my Grandma passed when I was 10 that she was my Dad’s Stepmom. His real mom died when he was a baby of tuberculosis and he never knew until he was 18. I found it fascinating as a kid and didn’t feel any less of her if anything I loved her so much more knowing she raised a baby and was an amazing mother to him and then an amazing Grandma to us. I commended her for it. The funny thing though is my Dad and her looked alike and I also had a lot in common with her, it blew me away she wasn’t related by blood.
It doesn’t matter. Doesn’t change WHO grandmpa is. He’s the one who’s always been there.
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I wouldn’t tell them until they ask. My step dad is my kids grandpa and I feel it would be disrespectful to him to bring up my “father” who’s never been a part of my life.
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I have the same situation, but I don’t think my kids will ever know their “grandpa”
I have 0 desire to introduce them to him he probably couldn’t even tell me my kids names…
they have a grandpa that they know and love and who loves them… they don’t need to know any different.
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Does the person act like a grandparent to your child? Then they are grandparents. Blood is not everything
Let them muture more what’s the big rush
Way to young. I would wait until their teenage years or older.
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Don’t tell them until they ask. Heck step can be just as good if not better. A dad is still a dad in any form if he was their and my bio dad is no less of a grandpa then my bonus dad. My bio dad has passed n my bonus dad is still involved and she just goes grandpa chuck when we show pics and grandpa Phil and that’s that. They both raised me and were and are great men. One may be bonus and one biology but they are both grandpa to her.
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Will they even be interested if you tell them. I find unless they start asking questions they really couldn’t care less about about it. Just make sure the information once they start asking the questions is easily available for them.
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I would wait a step parent/grandparent is an awesome human being they are too young to care about anyone else right now or to understand
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What’s going to confuse them is if you start telling them about a man they’ve never met. . I love how people get hyper-fixated on titles. I have 5 boys, 1 of which is my bonus son. My Bonus son has 9 sets of grandparents where as my bio boys have 4. They all just called all of them grandma and grandpa growing up and then when he was finally old enough to actually understand he asked and we explained it. It’s natural for people to get divorced and move on and remarry and just because they aren’t bio grandparents doesn’t mean they don’t love them anyless. The best way to not confuse them is just to wait until their a little bit older and then explain it to them. We used a family tree chart to help explain because it was a visual thing and easier to understand for my kids.
To me, it was never a big deal… he was always my granddaddy
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I would tell them now because it’s not as personal to them as it is to you my daughter knows her grandmother isn’t my bio mum and it doesn’t affect her in any way except when she’s asking questions about my childhood or birth she has to specify which person she’s talking about so I know what way she intends the question to come across
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