I would definitely tell your son as soon as it’s proven. I would be devastated if I found out I had a sibling living an hour a way and never met them, especially when everyone knew about it. Don’t lie to your kid about stuff this important. He will definitely find out eventually. Let it be you to be the person to tell him.
For the people saying mind your business…wanting her son to have a relationship with his brother is 100%her business. Not her fault the dad is a pos.
Leave it along !!!
Let her deal with this mess she got herself into!
This has NOTHING to do with you
How about… it’s not your place or YOUR business to tell him!!! IF the baby is in fact the father’s… it is HIS decision and place to tell your son. Stay out of it. Mind your own business and your own son.
Honestly…it is your husband’s decision. It is his kid,not yours. Respect his wishes. Unless the mom wants to place the kid up for adoption and you both want to adopt him,then that would be another thing. Stay out of it. Tell her she will have to work it out with your husband and you are not involved. Dont tell your son a thing unless your husband comes around and wants to do paternity test and see this other kid. Otherwise,it will do more harm than good to tell him,meet up with him etc. The other baby mama could move away one day,since your husband is rejecting the kid,and if your son knows and has met this kid it could really hurt him to lose that bond. Who knows what this other woman will do if your husband straight up flat rejects her and this kid to retaliate. It is not your issue and definitely dont involve kids with so much going on and so much drama.
My husband may or may not have had a kid as a teen. The mom refused to let him get a paternity test to find out,ran off with the kid, and then lost him to child services and he was adopted out. I told him if he wanted to pursue it,then i would be all in to adopt him,but it was his choice. He decided to leave him with his adopted family bc he never was allowed the DNA test,plus the kid is now a teen and probably would resent him.and act out for not coming for him sooner.
I also found out i had a half brother as a teen. Honestly, im better off without being around him. He acts like everyone in our family owes him something bc his mom ran off with him as a kid so my dad couldn’t see him. Now…if i ever contact him…he constantly wants money or a couch to sleep on or something. Best to leave it between him and her to work it out. If he doesnt want to work it out,then let the issue die.
Let them know each other
This is tough, but in my opinion you should tell him. Just be honest and open.
You should wait for the DNA before you make a decision
Id be more worried about inviting this woman into your life and your sons. To have a relationship with his sibling you would be dealing with the other mom. One, she lied to the bio father about getting an abortion ( he probably gave her money for it and she took the cash and bounced) Two, she “trapped” another man to believe it was his kid at least enough for him to sign the birth certificate. Three, now that she wants bio dad to come back into things because it didnt work out with the other guy, even though bio dad never wanted this kid and didnt even know the little guy existed. She sounds toxic and shady as hell. I would have him fight the paternity test honestly since another man signed the birth certificate and bio hasnt been in the kids life for over a year that other man is responsible for that kid. He took over rights as the signee and “claimed” that child. Bio dad can force resignation of rights to that child and be free and clear.
Your son needs to know about the baby! That way maybe she will allow them to build that special bond together! Oh and yes this has everything to do with you!! Just saying
It sounds like a mess stay out of it your life is nice why bring all that into it this girl is trying to screw this other guy out of his son she put him on birth certificate. Don’t get in to there fight wait a couple of yrs to see how things go dont you get your son into this mess SHE may do the same to you get her mad andshe won’t let your son see his brother. DONT trust this woman
I’m close to my son because I tell him everything. I told my son when I heard his dad had another son he was denying. We both looked at pics of the kid to see if we thought it looked like him. It was not a taboo subject or anything negative. It was like “hey I heard your father might have another kid but he’s denying him look at the kid…what do you think? “. If you include them in things it’s not so shocking. It’s all in the way we deliver information as parents. Approach it nonchalantly.
If it comes back that he is for sure then I would sit your son down and tell him.He has the right to know his sibling.
Are you still married to the bio father? Has he been involved in your son’s life? The longer you wait, the more traumatic it will be for your son. He will take it very well unless a big deal is made; then he might react in the same manner. He needs to know (after the paternity test) but don’t expect him to care very much at this age. Later on, he may meet his brother at a ball game, etc., and he will be glad to know his identity. Be casual in telling him and he will store the knowledge until such time as he may need it. Who knows, he may need a blood transfusion one day and he could call on his half-brother to donate life-saving blood!
As someone whose sibling was forbidden to so much as say hello to me in the grocery store: your child’s father is being very selfish. He doesn’t want to have the hard conservation with ya’lls son on why he doesn’t see his youngest. Tough shit, and if he really bails on your son because you let him know his sibling, then that says a lot more about him than it does you. You 2 mother’s can not and should not be concerned about the fathers feelings. That’s a him problem. It messed my brother up not being able to say hi to me, and it messed me up knowing all he went through that I couldn’t be there for. You 2 mom’s do right by those babies come hell or high water. Fuck dad’s feelings.
Screw baby daddy. He is selfishly trying to deprive your son of a sibling just because he doesnt want to take responsibility. Sounds like a weak ass to me. Your kid deserves to know. I resent my mom for not telling me when she was in this position.
Tell him now. Be as gentle and transparent as possible and do your best to maintain a relationship with the child’s mom. Siblings deserve to have a relationship and the sooner the better.
Why does the dad not want anything to do with his other child? he sounds like a POS. Also, if he gets a paternity test, he’s going to be paying child support.
First I’d wait until the paternity test confirms they have the same dad (don’t want to risk being wrong about this) and then absolutely let your son know in a way that hopefully he can understand and if he wants a relationship with his brother encourage it and support it. Dad is wrong if he chooses not to be involved in his kid’s life and he’ll just have to suffer the consequences of that choice.
As a big sister who has been kept away from her little brother- not getting to be in his life and spending time with him is one of the greatest heartaches I’ve experienced. I promise your son will be so appreciative you gave him the opportunity to know his little brother.
PERSONALLY…. I’d wait for the DNA test to even think about this. Why stress over something that may be NOTHING to your life. And if it IS the case, you’ll follow your mom instinct on what’s right.
People do crazy things for whatever reasons but at the end of the day YOU are his mama and will do what’s best for him. He may be excited and not think as hard into it as predicted? Who knows, wait till next week to analyze and decide!
Imo, it’s not your business or your responsibility… I would save myself the head ache and not get involved in any of the issues
It’s not about the father other than he’s a father to your son and his brother. Your son should have a relationship with his brother.
First and foremost wait for the test results. If he really is your son’s brother, If you do not tell your son, and he finds out you knew, who do you think he will blame for keeping him away from a brother? He will blame you.
Wait for the DNA test but if he is his brother tell him.
You should be afraid she will get ad at you and take her son out of your sons life. After you were nice enough to let them meet then your son will really get hurt
NO! NO! NO! You do not owe it to your son to see that he has a relationship with his half brother Since his Dad wants nothing to do with him (while I find it sad that your sons dad doesn’t want anything to do with his other son) I do believe that all you will do by trying to FORCE the issue will cause a lot of confusion in both boy’s lives and a WHOLE LOT OF HURT for the other little boy to realize that his dad doesn’t want to acknowledge him. You can not make a grown man do something he doesn’t want to do and you can not shame him into doing it. If in time your son’s father decides to have a relationship with this other little boy then you can introduce him to your son but otherwise stay out of it . Why cause the other little boy PAIN? I know you may think that it is a good thing to do but believe me (I know what I am talking about )it is not a good thing.
This other woman sounds super toxic and shady… I’d be real careful about bringing that into your life. I would do it gradually if the DNA test says he is the father…
That other man has been there for the child it seems and now that their done she’s want the bio dad to step in. That is so rude and toxic for the other guy if he truly cares and loves the boy as his own. It’s toxic of her to do to her son as well seeing as that would be the only “dad” he’s known and to be cut out. He could be trying to get the child because he sees who she is and doesn’t want the child around it. I’d be really careful about this.
Leave it alone … it will only complicate things - I promise.
every one deserves to know his parentsand has a right to his father being involved in his upbringi deprived my sonof knowing who his father was and it affected him badly he had no sense of identity the issue has since been resolved but i regret terribly the pain i put my son thru for a good part of his adult life dont make the same mistake i did it hurt to many people realy badly and im only glad that my son still allows me in his life think carefullyevery child no matter the reason needs his father
I’ve been involved in a somewhat similar situation.
Save yourself the heartache.
Let the DNA test take place and let your ex do what he feels is right. One day your son will have to know but that’s his dads place to tell him.
It’s really hard being the one to tell that kind of news and the one maintaining a relationship that is so strained.
I’ll say this. I just found out, back in October I had an older half brother. He reached out to me. We both did a DNA test just to make sure we were related. We both were angry at our sperm donor. He was never a Father figure in either one of our lives. And as I didn’t have enough issues, with my biological parents just made me more bitter towards them. Its like they wanted to pretend he didn’t exist.
I believe be has a right to know, not necessarily have a relationship with him. But just let him know when he’s of age.