So I am in the middle of a divorce right now. I moved out of my husband’s house in late February. Well, I recently started talking to another guy. I’ve known this guy for eight years, and I think he is amazing. I completely trust him. Things are going great between us, and I asked him if he wanted to meet my two kids (ages 1 and 3). He said he really wanted to, but he thinks it’s still to soon to meet my kids. He wants to wait until my divorce is completely over. Which will probably be drug out for another year because my soon to be ex-husband is purposely trying to drag it out as long as possible. I respect his decision to wait, but at the same time, I would like to know if he and my kids get along alright, so we aren’t just at a standstill wasting each other time for the next year. I guess I don’t know what else to say to him. My oldest kid knows mommy and daddy aren’t getting back together. I’ve already bought my own house. So I don’t think the kids would be confused about meeting someone else as long as my friend and I aren’t doing anything in front of them. Any advice helps!
I agree with him.
It’s way too soon.
If you haven’t even had time to get divorced yet you definitely haven’t had the time to date someone long enough for them to meet your kids.
You’re just looking for a daddy/husband replacement.
1 and 3 year old children are too young to understand the complexities of this adult problem. Won’t it be more damaging to introduce your new relationship to your kids (who are still processing a major change in their “normal”) prematurely with the risk that it might not last? From how you’ve described things, I think you need to take a step back and assess if this (introducing your partner) is something that your kids need or something that you need. Once you decide that, the answer is pretty clear.
Do not force the issue. Respect his feelings
You bought another house in the middle of a divorce? You know he will have full right to have half of that in your divorce, right? I think you’re going to have bigger issues than him not meeting your kids because you have a dumb attorney if they said that was okay to do.
Been there done that, speaking from experience…
You do whatever you feel is right for your situation with your kids! He probably isn’t thinking its going to take a year give it time enjoy time together before making things a little more complex
If he wants to wait, wait.
well he seems to want to wait so I guess you wait
It’s too soon. They’re way too young & will only bring confusion. I also think if he’s telling u he’s not ready listen to his words. Don’t rush things.
Wait unless you wanna confuse your kids & push dude away for not listening
Your being selfish. You probably have to pay for a sitter to see him and that is what this is really about. Cool you jets. If it is meant to be…
Your in the middle of your divorce and already talking to someone. Damn
I knew my now husband for years… And still waited a long time to introduce him to my son.
You arent even divorced yet?? Way too soon to even be serious about a guy nevermind introducing him to ur children IMO
I might be the odd one out but if you go the route of this is just mummy’s friend catching up for coffee I don’t see the issue. I’ve been a single mum for 10yrs and every time I’ve wanted to see how they get along with the kids I’ve always done the day out with mummy and her friend, at a park or play centre just to ensure they don’t seriously clash before getting to deeply involved. If my kids hate you then were never gonna happen
I wouldn’t say it’s too soon. If you’ve known this man for 8 years then you should definitely know him well enough to trust him. Your kids are young they probably don’t understand what’s going on very well. If you did introduce him anytime soon I would introduce him as a friend and go from there. Take it slow and don’t push the new guy to meet them if he wants to wait a little longer. I definitely wouldn’t wait another year. If you know it could be serious then trust your gut.
Let it be… no reason to rush into anything while your trying to rush out of something else.
It could be that your new man is worried about the ramifications of your new relationship with a pending divorce.
Your kids are relatively young and waiting a few months even up to a year isn’t going to change the relationship they build with him.
My kids were a bit older (10 and 12) and my situation was a tad different than yours, but it was a solid 6 months before they physically met. Start out with doing silly FaceTime calls with mommy’s new friend and allow them to meet him that way if he is agreeable.
There is a chance that he may have been through something like this in the past and didn’t work out and he’s protecting his feelings as well.
Tell him that your ex is gonna drag this on as long as possible and that you dont think that’s fair to wait till the divorce is finish.And in my opinion that would make me feel like my ex is still affecting my happiness. and meeting your kids should have nothing to do with your ex an or the divorce.
First of all they are NOT my kids they are your husbands kids:rage: and you took them so if your husband is financially able he should fight you for his kids! Apparently you’re just looking for another man so give his kids back
To soon… ur in the middle of a divorce. No need to bring ur kids into more crap they don’t need right now. The separation of households is enough till things are finalized and at least 6m to a year in the relationship
If he doesnt want to meet your kids for a year that’s a big red flag that he doesn’t intend to be in a serious relationship with you.
Your kids are 1 and 3, they’re going to love any/everybody.
Your job as their mom is to protect their hearts and make sure this guy isn’t some rebound before they’re around him.
I agree with the guy, he’s just looking out for your kids and probably himself. Who wants to get attached to a couple awesome kids just for the relationship with the parent to end before it really starts.
She left in late FEBRUARY this is fucking September . tf yall mean shes rushing it or its too soon lmao
I’d keep it low key until divorce is finalized- no sleepovers. But I think it’s weird he doesn’t want to even meet the kids, imo.
I always said if the father of my children and I broke up, I would wait atleast a year. I wouldn’t want to introduce them too soon, have the kids get attached, and then have us break up and the guy never be around again… I know far too many people who drags men in and out of their kids lives…
I think people should be exclusively dating for AT LEAST 6 months before they meet the kids. That’s just my opinion though
Way too soon. My kids didn’t meet my boyfriend until we’d been together for over a year.
It’s to soon, and I hate to say it but you sound desperate. I think your the kind of single mom, who just jumps from guy to guy.
I think its too soon. Give the relationship time.
My daughter met my bf when we had been dating 6 months
Your BF is right. Wait until after the divorce. It also gives time for you and your BF to have a relationship without the pressure of an instant family for him. Remember, he still needs to learn to love you first before he could love your kids. Also, how confusing would it be to introduce your kids to a new man BEFORE your even divorced. Keep it classy girl. And if this guy ‘Is the One’, then waiting will make things better.
Sounds like you trust him and know him well. It’s really up to you. Try explaining your point of view to your man so he understands why you want him to meet your kids. It might help if he meets them as just a friend of yours rather than introducing him as your boyfriend or anything like that. He might be worried about confusing your kids, but it sounds like you’re doing what you can to mitigate that. Personally, I don’t think it’s too soon or that there’s anything wrong with him meeting your kids.
Wait until your divorce is final for 1! And I wouldn’t bring another man around my children for years. Do you not think they’ll suffer mental issues with their parents divorcing on top of being forced to accept a new man. Take time for yourself and kids. Cant you just wait? Sheessshhh…
I waited a year so I could be sure. It worked great for us and we stayed together later on married almost 7 years now and we have been together 9 years and have two more girls. My oldest is 10 now.
I knew my ex for over 8 yrs, never knew he’d just been released from his 5th prison sentence, he steadily grew more violent, I waited a year to introduce him to my kid, 2 yrs later I woke up in ICU and 8 months after that he killed a man in my driveway. So just because you think you k how an amazing man, you may want to wait & do some research of your own on him
At least a year AFTER your divorce is finalized.
I’d have to say I do agree with BF on this.
My only question is: have you told the BF that you think the bitter ex will drag this out? If yes, then so be it, if not make him aware and go from there.
Dont introduce anyone to your kids unless you know him well and you are sure this is gonna be long term. I waited 18 months
I knew my now husband for about 5 minutes before we got married. Seriously, I met him March 29th, we started a relationship May 6th and got married July 2nd. This followed a horrible, toxic relationship and I didn’t wanna put my kids through more bullshit. My kids are older now though. My youngest was 5 at the time. We spent about a week going out, not bringing him to my house. He pulled in one night and my two youngest ran out the door to meet him. My suggestion, because your children are so young, meet at the park. Don’t go together, have him drive himself and meet you and the kids there. The kids will get to meet him, but they will kind of be distracted by playing. At least they will get to meet. Take things slowly.
Also “he thinks is too soon to meet your kids”… he might not be interested in being part of their life at all.
I would respect his views but also tell him your feelings generally about it. Maybe suggest a neutral place like a park or something so there isn’t a lot pressure. Have you talked to your ex about new people in your kids lives. He is their dad.
If he is telling you to wait that means hes not 100 percent sure about you guy’s and he doesn’t want kids involved so respect his decision
Whatever honestly works best for you. It’s your decision and your children! I met someone and honestly after the 4-5th time meeting him we ended up meeting up at parks ( driving our own vehicles. ) So our children could play, and meet one another. We were both single parents and had our kids a lot! So it was super hard trying to meet someone without them around! We’ve been together over 2 years and still growing strong! Do what’s best for you
Kids are always ready to meet new people. But as far as introducing him as BF, that could get a little messy, I would wait for a more appropriate time.
I commend the boyfriend he sounds like a stand up guy he shouldnt have any problems with the kids when the time comes. I also am going through a divorce and i have my 11 and 4 year old my wife had an affair it didnt work out we tried to patch it up didnt work two weeks after she layed in my bed she had the girls over for the first time at her new place she hadnt seen them in 11 days and what does she do she brings her new boyfriend that the girls had never seen before and he stays the night with her and the girls are put on the couch. Ive never been so mad in my life. My soon to be x says oh hes a nice guy he has morals bla bla bla. No he dont or he wouldnt have done that. Hats off to your boyfriend you have the rest of your lives get your business straight then make time
Just curious… if you’ve known this guy for 8years how has he not met the kids before? Was he hidden from your family?
For the kids its too soon to introduce imo if he hasn’t been close enough to introduce in that past time…
Let him meet them when it’s comfortable for him
I have no problems introducing anyone to my kids. Would I have a problem introducing them to a long time friend? No. Then why would I have a problem with them meeting a potential partner. Its not like you’re going to tell them “this is your new daddy , we are getting married” etc. And move in immediately or something. Having someone over for a BBQ or or dinner isn’t out of the ordinary for me so my kids wouldn’t think anything of it.
I was with my boyfriend for a year before he met my kids. I think it should wait until it is serious enough to know u guys will be together a long time. With bf 3 years now and we take the kids out individually and together and they have a great time. Me and him do not live together yet but we will when we can afford it. And we will be a great family as we work hard to build that together with my kids we will eventually get married and he will be their step dad i think waiting is worth it.
Good things are worth waiting for.
Me and my current bf waited about 6 months before we introduced our children to eachother and also meeting each others children. Maybe just be happy his taking things slow and isn’t trying to rush?
I say respect his decision. You never know if he may not be ready. To raise other kids.
He sounds smart. Go with his idea and wait. Maybe a little while down the road things will change. If he knows this could be dragged out for at least a year and he’s saying let’s wait, he’s not planning on going anywhere…
You. Need. To. Wait.
Divorce is hard on kids no matter how well you think they’re handling it. They don’t need another man in their life right now.
Yeah I’m not sure if I could even date untill a devorce was over and done. Just wait and see if you 2 even still like eachother in the next 1-3 year you could find in a few months that your better as just friends. Your ex may make things harder if he finds out you have introduced the kids to someone that soon too.
I would wait to introduce someone to my kids after probably 7-8 months of dating.
I would wait longer. Sometimes when you ex finds out you have introduced your kids to the new guy they can get really funny about that. Plus waiting to make sure yall are on the same page and bf and gf is a good thing too
Listen to him wait don’t hurry there is no need
I can’t believe you have the time and energy to even think about a new relationship. I was totally occupied by my kids when they were that age and had no time or desire to think about myself. Good for you though - go for it!
You both will know when the time is right. No rush only you both will know when the time is right versus a bunch of catty women on FB lol
Wayyy too soon. I would wait a few months. Just for the fact if it doesnt work out you’re just bringing people into the kids life to have them leave and that’s not healthy for them, especially going through such a life changing thing as their parents getting divorced.
If he can’t get along with a baby and toddler run
If he’s uncomfortable, she shouldn’t force it. The relationship is new. Even if the guy is a good guy and she knows him for 8 years, it doesn’t mean he’s ready to be in a relationship with the kids. It’s a different level of commitment. Does he have kids himself? It’s even scarier for men who don’t have kids.
Some people don’t want to get serious with someone when the divorce is still pending. Even if it’s not your fault that the divorce is pending. No one wants to be in a relationship with ex residue or drama.
My advice is not to force it.
If he wants to wait, then hold off. You both can decide when the time is right to meet.
Dont . You sound you are rushing …
DON’T BE LIKE ME .
I rushed . He pretended to like my boys . Then boom I was pregnant, and he changed with them really fast . All while pushing his kids on me expecting me to be something to his kids what he doesn’t give my children.
I was used . Now I’m planning on leaving .
I say wait. My kids met my BF before me and him were ever a thing. And once my daughter saw him and I were together she started calling him dad. So it now is at a point where she sees him as dad BUT we have been together over 2 years now. My son was only 4 months old when my BF came into his life so he literally thinks he has 2 dads.
Definitely wait. You never know who a person truly is
I suggest you wait until you’re officially divorced because then your soon to be ex husband can use that against you in court
Tbh this is something only you and him can discuss and I would just leave it for awhile and then discuss together. No amount of talking to us will change his mind. He is just trying to be respectful to what the kids maybe going through too
I think he is giving you the right answer. It’s too soon. Let your children adjust to you being divorced. I respect that he is being honest with you. You should never bring someone around your children until it is serious.
You are not free to date yet. You still have a husband. Go slow for your sake and the kids.
Express your concerns. Tell him you don’t want to wait another year but you understand why he wants to wait awhile longer. But a year I can understand why you don’t want to wait that long and I’m sure he will too. Try to come to an agreement on months
Until the divorce is final, you are still married.
The biggest concern I have always had is if the kids get attached to this guy and it doesn’t work out between you then they have lost another person…
Not saying your ex won’t see the kids but it will definitely be different…and if this guy goes he has nothing to do with them…
Wait…be concerned about your children’s feelings…
Why are you in such in a rush? I’d really be hesitant if someone didn’t want to meet my kids. I’d probably be looking elsewhere honestly because my kids are the biggest part of me.
The fact he wants to wait actually shows me good things. He cares about your children coping and understanding. That’s awesome. I think when they do eventually meet, you’ll have no problem with them getting along.
Wow I was in a 7 year relationship… and we separated in dec … divorced in june… and I can’t even imagine being in another relationship this soon…
I would respect his wishes, he wants to wait… what’s the rush let your kids heal as well, you might cause more hurt to them bring your significant other to quick. Never put a man before your kids .
Ohviously he’s not ready to meet your kiddos don’t rush him he’ll let you know when he’s ready!
Wait- the kids will get attached easily and if you and he break up, it’s another loss for the kids as well. Just heal and be present for the kids and keep new partner(s) separate for a while
Here’s my biggest problem with this group – its a group for moms to support moms… It wasn’t made to criticize the living hell out of these other mamas because your life is so perfect and you don’t need advice sometimes. Now here is my friendly advice. When you bring a new man into your life YOU will know when to introduce him to your babies. I officially introduced my daughter to my fiancé after spending only 3 nights alone with him myself and then he started staying with us after. It will take your children TIME to become attached. Don’t listen to these people my daughters ‘real’ father passed away about a month into me being with the guy I’m with. My daughter is 19 months old and is so in love with this man that I am with. It took her time to get used to him, it took her months probably about 4 months she now will choose him over me half the time. Mama is no longer her go to. At bed time dad has to put her in bed, he always gets the big hugs in the morning and all the kisses before bedtime. Yes she calls my fiancé daddy why?? Because she’s 19 months old, because he acts like she’s his own eventually the talk will come but it’s in the way late future. She knows who her real dad is and has pictures hanging above her crib and has a stuffed animal made from his clothes. So girl you do you and live your life!! From this please just take the advice of WHEN YOU KNOW YOU KNOW. TRUST YOUR GUT
If the man has to tell you to wait . I would absolutely assume it’s to soon ! I don’t even see what is the point of him meeting your children now for . Have you even stopped to think about their feelings? A divorce can be traumatizing to children. I suggest first you get some counseling and see this man on your own time . When the kids are not around !
Take it slow don’t get in a hurry.
Your BF has the right idea . Wait until divorce is over ( if not this will be used against you in court ) . You shouldn’t be dating until everything is settled . Learn from my mistake ! The kids are young enough to accept this man even if you wait . However , your ex will probably not be happy about it . Also , you don’t know how this man will end up treating you WITH your kids . And you could be held responsible in court if anything happens negatively . Trust me and wait .
I think it’s a good idea to wait and see if things will work out between you and your friend before wanting the kids to meet him. Just now you let it happen too soon and then it doesn’t work out and that will only confuse the kids.
The break up is way too new. I’d wait at least a year before bringing someone else around
Okay she’s not asking y’alls opinion on whether or not she should be dating, she’s asking what you think about the guy not wanting to meet her kids yet. Stop being so judgy, mind your business, and answer the question
You are not even divorced yet. They kids are going to be so confused. What is the rush??
Idk, it’s a delicate situation, not to “jinx” things, but having them get attached would be disastrous if things don’t work out, even if it were totally amicable. Maybe a quick, low-pressure meet? Like, plan to “bump into him” at the icecream shop, or playground or something. (This wouldn’t work on older kids, but it will for 1&3) then you can “invite mommy’s friend to sit with you” or something. Do no dating things, JUST what would occur if you bumped into a good friend for real.
See how that goes. But I’d be cautious being overly “date-y” in front of the kids, until you were just about engaged, to be honest. Protecting them from a second heartbreak needs to be your priority.
Look the guy i was with for 10 years up and left me and the kids 2 and a half weeks ago and just got married last week and took our kids around her the day after. That is too soon. At least you have been out of the house for 7 months. Make it into a meeting during the daytime and keep it simple just let kids know that its a friend that your interested in don’t force anything
Your kids are the most precious thing. Wait longer, when you introduce too soon and it ends up not working out, the kids go through the breakup too. They’re probably still dealing with the divorce. Don’t put too much on them too soon.
I have to say respect his wishes. I know you trust him and want everyone to get along. If you force him to enter their lives before he’s ready, you are looking to break everyone’s hearts during a delicate time. If it’s meant to be, waiting wont make a difference.
If they’re 1 and 3 they’re going to get attached really quick no matter what. Wait until it’s over.
In my opinion I think about a year because that is long enough to know if things are going to work before bringing them around the child.
Id wait. If you introduce a new man to your kids before your divorce is final your ex could use it against you if he wants to be spiteful, and it sounds like he is.
I met my step dad once before he and my mom got married.( I was 10) They’ve been married 30 years and are the happiest married couple I’ve ever known. Time is a made up thing, completely made up. Just follow your guts. And allow him to do the same.
It sounds like the new guy is smarter than you… WAIT
Wait. Your kids are number one and divorce is hard enough on them. It sounds like you are a great mother seeing as you are voicing concern and looking for opinions so good for you ultimately its your decision but in my opinion, as someone who has been through it, wait until its a comfortable situation for all parties involved.
Actually, the fact that I did introduce my second husband to my daughter before my divorce was the best thing I did. By the time the divorce came through my daughter had a well established relationship with him. In fact it was this relationship that enabled the divorce to be fast tracked by the judge. So, you just never know…
I personally would respect his wishes. If he comes into their lives and you guys wind up getting married, someday the kids might figure out you were dating him during the divorce. He might be looking at it from that perspective and it could cause problems later on.
Someone once told me that a good rule of thumb to live by with new partners and kids is this…can you shit and piss in front of this new partner? Are you comfortable doing it? If both answers are NO then your kids wouldn’t be comfortable and ready either