Why do men take so long to propose?

I understand where you are coming from. My husband waited for 7 years before proposing. We had talked about marriage forever. I think for him he had a rough childhood and he was just scared. He hasn’t really said that but knowing his history and how jaded/cynical he is it’s what I think. I would not let it come between you. I know it’s hard. He was worth the wait. We just passed our 10 year marriage anniversary in January and have 3 kids and a house.

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It doesn’t matter what you have together, how long it’s been, or anything you are complaining about. He is not now, nor ever, obligated to marry you! Especially knowing if things go badly he will lose everything due to a biased system.

Honestly, if I was him and saw this post, you acting like this, I wouldn’t propose at all. He doesn’t “owe” you anything. Does he pull his weight in the relationship? Because that’s what matters.

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Live in your own place with child…stay together like your dating. If he wants you and baby to live with him it’s as husband and wife…when he’s ready. Until then, no need to “play house.”

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Dude its a huge commitment. And legally your wife can totally and completely ruin your life if she decides she wants to divorce you. Idk marriage is kinda scary

“I love you so much I wanna get the government involved!”

Hell nah

I ain’t marrying a woman until I am 1000% sure that she is my one true love or whatever Disney princess bs

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I feel like girls who starve for marriage are scary af too

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4.5 years and a baby? In my opinion, he doesnt want to.

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Your saying your having more arguments since you sore the ring ….and he is thinking what’s the point on getting married if you might get a divorce :man_shrugging: he could be waiting till he is more financially stable

Well why would he? He has everything without getting married :woman_shrugging:t2:

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Give him a break stop putting so much pressure on him that’s most prob why he isn’t asking because ur expecting. Just enjoy having a partner a child and a home.

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I have waited for 12 years for my husband to proposed and then I asked him to marry me and we have been married a year now

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Marriage isn’t everything. Yuck :face_vomiting:

why buy the cow when the milk is free

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He is with you be grateful.

Why on earth are you waiting? If you want to marry him, ask him. If you don’t want to marry him enough to ask him, you need to leave and never look back.

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Girl I’m right there with you. Guys are jerks

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Fighting him and going on about it will only push him away. Men do things in their own time. He isn’t leaving you , you know his eventual intentions.

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I didn’t realize that a man is suppose to propose in a certain time…

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way are you so focus on getting married, ??? Are you happy with him? Does he treat you well,? Does he care for you & your baby? Does he help out? Is your relationship with him wonderful? If the answer is YES, relax & enjoy your life, If it is to happen, it will.

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I learned a long time ago, absence makes the heart grow fonder!! Tell him you need some space for a while, if he comes back with a ring then you will know if he’s serious!!!

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You act like the proposal time has passed and now all that’s left is a break up? Who cares if he hasn’t proposed. Your thinking your not good enough bla bla bla…… he’s over here if I can’t buy her the best ring, how can I take care of kids a house, the “manly” stuff. Then ur pushing an issue that shouldn’t even be an issue. You will ruin the relationship forcing him to make an untimely decision. If all your friends jumped off a cliff would you do it too? It’s “y’all’s” life no one else. You do it at ur pace and you do what is comfortable for you and him. Just cause you see happiness through pictures doesn’t mean that’s going on behind the scene.

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There are many I know that have been in long term relationships like 10-20 years or more and aren’t engaged or married, and never talked about marriage but love eachother and just carry on like normal couples. But the thing is you both talked about marriage a few times as I read. It seems you both already planned marriage but he’s not making it happen.

Wait up abit, he could just be nervous even thou he was confident talking about marriage.
He may want to save and save enough for marriage. I’m seeing there’s a lot done that he mentioned. He may want to sort things first before proposing. Don’t lose faith or hope. Hang in there. He’ll eventually propose. :slightly_smiling_face:

Just be yourself and stay close w him. Make time for eachother and just keep making memories with him and your little one.
That’s all that matters.

A man will propose when he wants to/when he’s ready - just know he loves you.

If you have any gut feeling that he might be unfaithful and he seems off etc then go with your gut instincts. It seems he’s making you think wrong because he’s changing his mind and coming up with excuses etc. I’m not sure the full story but hopefully something works out eventually x

Marriage is not everything. If you are happy with him, then enjoy being happy. Don’t ruin your relationship because you are in a rush.

I told my husband (boyfriend at the time) that I wouldn’t play house that if he wanted to be with me he better put a ring on it (way before the song ever can’t out lol) for this exact reason I told him that. I seen my sister be what you are at now. Her boy friend pulled her along for 12 years. Never did get married but did have 2 kids with him. They aren’t together anymore

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Give him a time limit

Harsh truth He has no need or reason to marry u… u have a child together and I assume u live together without getting married why should he marry u now… not like it’s never happened and I hope it does for u if that’s what u guys really want I just feel it’s less likely at this point

You’re over thinking it, setting your own self up for disappointment, and if you keep going down the path you’re going, you’re likely going to be the downfall of the relationship. You’re the reason you two are fighting or having issues, because you can’t just leave him be to propose on his own time and such. 4 years is a while but not eternity. Eventually you’re going to lead him to proposing just because you’re pestering the hell out of him, not because he wanted to or was ready in his own terms.

Marriage will change nothing in your relationship, so calm down.

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Marriage isnt everything but you could also propose too :woman_shrugging: its 2021, I proposed to my partner 2 years ago we are still only engaged as we was focusing on buying a house and now pregnant, its just abit of paper, you dont need that to show you love someone :ok_hand: xx

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I’ve been with my man for 11 years and we r not married. Marriage isn’t a testament to ur love. It’s the every day things. If u r happy together and treat each other well then why is marriage so important?

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Why do we have to complicate everything over a piece of paper🤔🤷 live and enjoy each other! Don’t stress over all that! If he loves you and treats you good, be so grateful and thankful for that. I have watched many want marriage and they were happier than ever before they decided to make everything so complicated!

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I was with my husband for 9 years before we got married :woman_shrugging: no harm in taking time

Times sure have change in the ol day a man ask the girls dad for her hand .living together was not so much heard of ,

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The ring is not important, the wedding is for others, just make an appointment, with a judge get married. It is in general a good move for your child, finance and other things. Then celebrate everyday you are together.

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Idk folks put a lot of importance into things that in the end really don’t matter.
Do you think he’ll love you more with a proposal or a marriage license? Do you think you’d be a better partner?
There’s really nothing to being married but the social construct and conditioning we’ve become accustomed to but honestly it’s not really anything more than what you make it.
I’ve been married twice and also had along term partner for 10 years. Either way with or with out the marriage and all that the relationships were no different because of being married or not. Lolololl
Maybe you’re like a lot of woman who want some fairytale wedding thinking that means something. Again conditioning.
Some folks have small ceremonies, just them two and a promise to be together. Simple nothing to it. But in the end could mean more than some 10 thousand dollar wedding…
In all honesty i think it’s the expectations that are being put on him that are making him have a hard time doing it.
He thinks he’s not enough lady. He thinks he needs a better ring, a lot more money etc. He’s got soooooooo much weighing him down with the expectations of being the best etc. Men have it rough too.
Expectations are evil and very unhealthy. Can create resentment which it sounds like it has already y’all arguing over little things.
You need to reevaluate what’s important to you? Social constructs or the man that loves you outside of all that…

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I was with my husband for about 10 yrs before we got married. He never proposed we just talk and decided to get engaged. He bought me the ring . We been together now 14 yrs and married 4 yrs.

Talk to him about it. But let me tell you as someone who was once in your position, marriage isn’t everything and it’s a huge commitment and alot of work. I am divorced now with 2 kids and realize I never should have married their father. But all I ever wanted was to get married and have a family but it wasn’t what I imagined for a multitude of reasons and he was not the right man. I’m not saying this applies to you but if you’re happy and love this man and the life you’re building together, no piece of paper is going to change that. I promise

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I would do you and your child. Keep busy. Dont focus on the proposal. It’ll happen it took my husband 4yrs. We will be together 6yrs this May ,but will be having our 2yrs. Wedding anniversary in Sept.

I have been with my man for 15 years and we are not married. I do not want to get married or have a wedding but we have a good relationship and people ask all the time when we are getting married and I hate it.

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If he wanted to be married he would do it. Something is holding him back. From someone who wasted 21 years: 6 dating, 7 living together and 8 married with someone who said he loved me. Trust your gut, if you feel he isn’t going to move to the next step, and that is important to you, you either need to move on or accept you may never be on the same page, and can you live with that? Goading someone into marriage that isn’t ready of doesn’t want it will only lead to an unhappy relationship.

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My husband and I were together for 6yrs before he proposed (I have three children from a previous relationship so we were veeeery veeeery careful) he used his moms rings but because they are sooo beautiful im always terrified of losing them, I broke the engagement ring (the stone setting is tall) and now I hardly wear his moms set anymore and more often wear a cheaper one that I’m not worried about breaking or losing
So if hes worried about “having a better ring” hes focusing on the wrong things

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Plan and simple he don’t want to. I’m in the same boat

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If you are that desperate for a proposal then propose to him!!

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Babe, don’t rush into it…
7yrs here, 3 kids together… yes we both want to but also want to wait and see what the future holds…
You can be together 10yrs finally decide to get married,MAYBE 6mths later divorce…
Wait until you know for certain…
At the end of the day, it is ONLY a piece of paper and you don’t need to prove you’re love for each other…
As long as you both know how you feel and than the one day you’s will be like… let’s get married

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I have been with my bf for almost 14 years we have a child together. We are not married we have talked about it, but if it bothers you that much then tell him …but are you gonna leave if he doesn’t? Or you just want to be married? Just enjoy your time it will come or it won’t but only you have to decide how important marriage is too you🤷🏻‍♀️

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When a man is ready you will know… mine proposed after 10 months

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I feel it’s him. Either he isn’t ready or he doesn’t actually want to get married

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I love my man more than anything and also wish he’d propose but it’s only been a year and 3 months. Men are quite simple creatures, maybe he rlly does want the ring to be perfect. Maybe he has a plan but doesn’t have the finances right now or things aren’t lining up for him to be able to do it right now. I can imagine the anticipation you’re feeling but if he told his mama he wants to marry u then it seems like he’s serious about u. I know it’s hard but try not to think about it so much and just focus on the being in love part and it’ll probably happen when u least expect it. My man is all about getting me the perfect ring and wanting his proposal to be the “perfect day” so I guess I’m waiting on him lol even though I told him to get me a damn ring pop lmao but he’s gotta be all cute so I’ma just have to be patient

I proposed 4 separate times and it didn’t make a diff she left and no marriage

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we’ve been together for almost 5 years as well.
I have a 7 year old , and we have a 6 month old together. and not married.

enjoy the time you have together married or not. in my eyes yall are already married without the paper.
marriage is a choice every day, and that doesn’t Change if you have the certificate or not.

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Count your blessings :raised_hands:

They only take a long time if you’re a placeholder and they’re just waiting for the woman they actually want to marry. That’s it. Marriage is an institution literally benefitting men and men only for the most part. They all want to get married. If they tell you they don’t want to get married, they just don’t want to marry YOU. 100% of the time. Period. They’ll deny it because they like the companionship and sex and all the mental, emotional and physical labor you provide. The longer you stay with a man, it’s not going to make him “come around” and if it does, he’s just settled.

My fiance was about to propose with his mother’s wedding ring but when we went to her house to get it she came out carrying it all excited and asked me before he could even try. I think that’s why we are not married. We’ve only been dating officially for almost 3 years but we’ve pretty much been in love for about 10 years. It took me that long to build trust for anyone after the relationship I had before I met him. I’m happy with how things are. Marriage isn’t important to me but it would be pretty cool to marry my best friend.

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You’re Giving Him Married Life Before You’re Even Married. Why Marry If You’re Already Playing The Part?! He’s Comfortable The Way Things Are Now.

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Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. Why do men take so long to propose?

I’m in the same predicament. Soooo I started pushing the matter at every holiday lmao started counting the days of the year. On Mother’s Day I thought he was going to and still nothinggg

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You can always propose to him :upside_down_face:

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I pushed the issue then I bought rings and told him we are engaged now lol :laughing:

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Well a few factors. 1 how old are you guys? Do you both have stable income? A house?

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Not all men take that long. My husband proposed before 2 years and we were married 10 months after that. Sounds like your man is fine just being boyfriend/girlfriend

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It’s 2022 if you want to get married bring it up. Ask him

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If it’s taking that long…. Sorry to say…but ur not the one for him. Guys know pretty quick if he wants to marry u or not.

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Is marriage that important to you? You’ve been together for so long is some rings and a piece of paper going to make a difference.

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Remember though marriage essentially does change taxes and gives you a paper. The relationship you have built is the real ring. Marriage is not the dress, rings, it’s the hardships, long nights, fights and make ups, thr good the bad the ugly. You do not technically need to be married for any of it.

I’m married for 32 almost 33yrs and my wife and I were together for 7yrs prior.
If it’s meant to be, it will come. If your relationship is good now, what does a piece of paper and changing your last name matter?

Because if they wanted to they would. Its really that simple x

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They have all the perks without the commitment :wink:

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Probably cause it’s been 7 years and two kids only difference is government be involved. Married really don’t change anything home wise it really doesn’t or it didn’t for me.

And when they want to they do, maybe he don’t even want to get married. Have you asked?

If he wanted too, he would. My husband proposed 6 months in.

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Several factors could contribute. He may fear commitment or fear rejection. He may be content with things the way they are and fear change. Asking him is the only way to know.

And it isn’t “men” it’s your man. Mine proposed 9 months into our relationship. We’ve been together over 20 years now.

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Why should he propose? He has everything like being married except the paperwork and LEGAL responcibility. This is a problem with your age group.

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He knows you want this. So either he’s not and hasn’t told you or he is saving up. But I doubt the second one :disappointed:

Took my man a year u get on one knees or knee him in the head lol

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How about not having sex before marriage and waiting till after your married to have children!

Because they do not want to get married. Period :woman_shrugging:t2:

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I always said 2 years is a lot of time. By then you should know if you want to spend the rest of your life with that person.

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I suggest having the conversation about what you both want long-term. Ask him when he wants, and then tell him what you want, in that order. Make sure you’re both on the same page, and if not, then you can make whatever changes you need to ensure your happiness in the future.

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What is his incentive at this point?

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Men know exactly what they want real soon. If he didn’t propose already he’s not.

My husband and I were together 10 years and 3 months before her proposed

I just mentioned to my husband one day, let’s just drive to Vegas and get married! And he was like ok! So we did! lol it’s been 11 yrs total and 9 yrs married :smiling_face:

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They dont. Hes comfortable.

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7 years and 2 kids is “no reason” to be there?

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7 years? 2 kids? There ya go… why would he at this point?! The old saying “why buy the cow…”

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Me and my boyfriend have been together 6 almost 7 years 3 children no proposal. However he explained to me he rushed his first marriage and it ended horrible. He’s taking his time and I’m content. Plus the longer he takes just means our kids will be old enough to be in our wedding.

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Men propose to women they want to Marry. It’s just as black and white as that.

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Unless you 2 have tapked about this, he may not think it’s “expected”. Talk to him.
However, you’ve stayed for 7years and he probably thinks he has no reason too. Why get married when you’re fine with how things are.

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If that was your end game, it should of been talked about already. Either quit wasting your time and leave or have a grown up conversation about what you both want for your future. Or keep waiting…

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If he ain’t yet, he ain’t gonna.

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Why would he? He’s got everything without the trouble of marriage. Proposing at this point is rather redundant. An elopement or courthouse wedding would be more practical given yall already are living as a married couple.

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Why would he if you don’t tell him it’s important to you?

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Why are women so stuck on a paper and ring? How many of you get married and end up being unhappy? Do you honestly think a marriage proposal will make things better? My question to you is are you blissfully happy now in your relationship?

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Why should he ? He is already doing what he wants . Never live with a man before marriage if they love you truly and want you they will marry you.

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5 kids and 12 years before we got married lol

Why get married, you practically already are… Marriage is way overrated!!!

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My husband and I were together for about six months when he proposed. We’ve been married 30 years. Find the right one

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