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QUESTION:
"Why hasn’t my bf of 4.5 years proposed yet? We’ve discussed it many times and he says he wants to, says he can’t see himself with anyone else. We have a baby together that’s 5 months old, and he’s told his own mother he wants to marry me, yet no proposal. I see my friends in shorter relationships that are already engaged or married and I just feel like I’m not doing something that I should be or there’s some secret to getting your bf to pop the question that I’m in the dark about.At one point he had bought a ring that I saw, but he returned it to supposedly “get me a better one” because it was gold colored and everyone told him to get silver or white gold. I told him it was a beautiful ring. But then he started saying things like, “maybe we should focus on our health and the house repairs and our baby first” and he returned the ring. I told him I was disappointed because I thought he was going to ask me to marry him and I was excited, and now it feels like that’s never going to happen and I don’t understand. His response was he wants to get me a better ring not that he doesn’t want to get married. It’s been about 3 months since that’s happened and I feel like now we argue more about little stupid things and I can’t help feeling this sadness and disappointment - like I’m not good enough to be with him at that ‘level’ of marriage. I dont know what to think or do or how to bring it up anymore to him or maybe I should just let it go and try to not think about it?"
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TOP ANSWERS (AS SELECTED BY MODERATOR):
The following top answers have been selected by a moderator from hundreds of responses to the original question.
"Why dont you propose to him and see what he says"
"Mine proposed to me on our 8 year anniversary, sometimes it takes longer then others"
"Maybe he’s not ready. Some people take longer to be ready for some reason. Maybe he’s seen bad marriages and doesn’t want to go through a divorce. Maybe he genuinely wants to make sure y’all are completely financially stable beforehand since weddings are expensive. Just ask him and see what he says!"
"Its expensive give him time"
"Why not buy him a ring and propose to him instead"
"My stepson waited 15 years before he married the woman of his dreams"
"I mean what is marriage truly! The face that you can say you are married so you can wear a pretty diamond and have a sense of commitment! I have been married and divorced has two children in that marriage! I have now been with a man that I honestly could careless if he ever ask because it doesn’t change the way we feel about each other. We are both divorced and marriage is not on the top of the list. Marriage doesn’t always mean or prove love. Many other things do! We are now expecting a daughter and again it’s not on the top of the list to hurry up and get married. I love him he loves me and we have an amazing relationship. Why does a diamond and a wedding have to be seen to show that. We have been together for 5 years. This my own opinion."
"It takes some people time. My parents were together for like 30 years under common law. Never legally married. My husband and I got married a year after we met. Some friends were dating 10 years before they married. Maybe try popping the question to him. Take a whole new route! I dont think it’s because he doesn’t love you. Getting legally married is a huge thing. It can be beautiful and scary. And to some people, they do want to find the perfect ring. Alot of people spend about 7k. Thats alot of money that could go towards things now that are cheaper and will build your futures than having to double the price down the road. There could be tons of reason, all with you being his soulmate still priority."
"I’ve known my now fiance for 22 years, engaged for 6 going on 7 in December…don’t push it…you don’t want him to feel pressured, be patient. My brother has been with his girl for 20 years…they just got engaged in December and are getting married in the summer…it’ll happen when it’s meant to"
"Honestly marriage won’t change how things are now"
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