Why doesn't my husband want me to cook for him?

My husband is simple to please. He doesn’t want a big meal all the time. My problem is I grew up in an era where a wife cooked a nice dinner, breakfast, whatever. All that June Cleaver stuff. How long have you been married. For us it is 35 yrs. sometimes routines get boring

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I don’t mean to sounds rude, but does noone talk to their partners anymore? Why not just ask him why? None of us know him or know what he is thinking :thinking:.
Damn if my partner said I didn’t have to do all that I’d be chuffed :joy:

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Some men can feel a little emasculated or ‘babied’ with being looked after and supported too well, been there with a previous partner, seems silly to me but apparently so🤷🏻‍♀️

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When I come home for lunch and he’s home all day, he asks me to make him something while I’m at it. I’ll send mine your way too! :rofl::rofl::rofl:

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Sometimes mine wants a nice meal to come home and sometimes he just wants leftovers. Sometimes he’s too hot from work and a simple pbj hits the spot. I’d say just sit and talk with him. Maybe make a meal plan for the month? We usually do one once a week and plan nights for leftovers. And on days where he is too overwhelmed with the heat and work we put off the dinner plans that night and do light things. Or a simple text in the morning “what did you have in mind for dinner?”

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My husband does this because he wants my attention and knows he gets less attention if I’m cooking and cleaning in the kitchen. Also because sometimes he just wants a sandwich or leftovers or to eat out. My husband doesn’t care if I decide not to cook or clean. He knows it stresses me out to come home to a dirty house so him and the boys will straighten up. I think it’s sweet your husband spoke up and said you didn’t have to do all that for him.

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Sounds like your relationship is lacking a little in the communication department.

Some days my hubs wants a steak and all the fixings, some days he just wants a grilled peanut butter and jelly. It doesn’t sound like he was out to hurt you, but maybe y’all are on different pages as to what his lunches and dinners should be.

I would talk to him. Open communication and raw honesty is the only way for a relationship to work. Doesn’t matter how small the subject seems. Talk to him about it.

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Maybe try switching off. Each of you cooks 3 days a week and on the 7th day go out somewhere. That way it still keeps the romance alive and you can figure out what his favorite dishes to make are and what his favorite dishes of yours are. Don’t completely take it as a bad thing? My husband and I switch off when he’s in the kitchen I’ll ask him questions, rub his shoulders, grab him what he needs etc.

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Could be any number of things, so best to talk to him to get to the root of the issue. But this might a twist someone hadn’t thought of (sorry I didn’t read all the comments yet). My husband loves to cook. It’s one of his passions. He’s a foodie, enjoys the admiration from friends and family, and cooks in large quantities. I’ve put on about a hundred lbs because of this, and he’s put on even more. Is your husband gaining a little and trying to rein it in? If he has a somewhat sedentary job, like I do, it’s hard to work off what we’ve eaten. I really don’t mean this in a negative way, but turning down good food and pushing away from the table can be difficult.

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Um, pretty sure you’re only going to get that answer by talking to HIM not the internet.

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Communication and honesty is the key. Ask him why instead of driving yourself crazy possibly thinking the worst.

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Maybe he feels like you’re cooking just for him and you feel like he expects you to, when he doesn’t. If you do cook because you like to and it makes you happy, let him know. If you were doing it for other reasons, consider this “permission” to order pizza once in awhile. Don’t feel upset- I’m sure your cooking is amazing!

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My husband has said the same too sometimes; although he says it when he has noticed I’m burned out or looking a bit stressed. He asks to keep it simple or that we can always do takeaway so that I can be relieved of some work at home :slight_smile:

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I think men have a cr*p way of communicating and it doesnt always come out the way they want it to. I honestly think that he wants you to understand its okay to have a night off from cooking and he doesnt expect it from you and he enjoys helping himself rather than assuming you will do it which i think is great. Hes not stuck in that old fashioned way where the woman attends to the mans beck and call. Enjoy your day/night from cooking go pamper yourself x

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In my relationship, I feel genuinely awful thinking my fiancé could feel like I’m forcing her to fall into a undesired gender role. I love that she gets excited about cooking but it’s not a requirement of our relationship and I make that known constantly I suppose until my comfort level in knowing she’s doing what she wants gets stronger. I would argue you have a good man who wants you to not feel pressured to cater to him like it’s the classic “ideal family” model. If it’s something you really want to do for him then talk to him and let him know this is something you want to do. I’ll be damned if my wife thinks I’m womanizing her no matter how petty the task. Lots of guys are like that these days.

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Perhaps he doesnt want you worrying about it or overdoing it but the best thing to do would be to talk to him and communicate how your feeling and find out what he says

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It’s probably because he has put on weight and is blaming your cooking!

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Maybe you should ask him why. That will be the only way to find out.

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I hopr he isnt having dinner somewhere else?

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Couples should feel comfortable enough with each other to ask a simple question as to why he said what he said. You should be able to say would you like to explain your reasoning because my feelings are a little hurt because I think maybe you don’t like my cooking

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Maybe he’s getting “fed” at a different trough

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He’s probably hitting up the dollar menu on the way home and doesn’t want to hurt your feelings

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Pay attention to where he may be eating. Or his diet has changed or he had been misleading you about your cooking and was being polite. I’ve heard a few of those lines.

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Just ask him. You’re probably overthinking it. He probably means that he’s ok with the simple things too. I don’t believe him to be unappreciative,rather he probably wants to let you know you don’t have to go all out all the time.

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I think he is being considerate and reducing your work load. My opinion, but I’m single.

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You wouldn’t have to ask me twice not to cook. He might feel that you’re spending too much time and energy on food prep. It’s really not that important to him anymore. Maybe he wants to eat lighter or differently. My husband and I changed our eating and we sleep and feel much better. We eat earlier and not as heavy. Use that extra time to spend talking or walking or watching a Netflix movie.

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It sounds like he may want to do takeout with coworkers for lunch sometimes! I would try asking him what kind of food he would like to eat for dinner

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It probably tastes disgusting and he doesn’t want to tell you his girlfriend cooks better than you

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I do the same thing because taking care of those around me is my love language…but it is not my partners love language and tho he appreciates it it doesn’t hit him on all cylinders. He feels good when he can take care of me. So ask what makes him feel good and listen. It maybe that he feels you do too much for him and he feels inadequate

As a man I too wouldn’t like to have a lunch prepared everyday but some men I see do like it, everyone is different but in my case I’ve grown up learning to do things for yourself instead of depending on others that way it’ll be done the way you want, although I would appreciate the meal I would rather make it and prepare it myself and would appreciate a meal for the weekend and make a day out of it

Tell him to stop been an ungrateful sod! And make his own fooking lunch or dinner!! :joy::joy: Go out with your friends for the afternoon, leave hubby a note on what you would like to eat and let him cook for you :rofl::kissing_heart:

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Mine is quite happy to make his own lunch and will cook if I ask.
He tells me I have quite enough to do with my own 2 jobs & 7 dogs and that he is perfectly capable to doing himself - for both of us.
He is also capable of buying a takeaway.
Talk to each other, it’s amazing what you learn

If I see my lady stressing over what to cook for lunch and dinner. I’d tell her the same thing. “Take a break babe I got this” can’t be stressing over the little thjngs

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Ask him, not us! Too many factors play into this. Communicate, not cook

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It could be as simple as he doesn’t like your cooking and doesn’t want to tell you that cuz it can hurt your feelings

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He might be having body shape issues. He might want to lose weight.

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Maybe he just wants some junk food sometimes. Or if you really need to know to feel better tell him it’s ok and you’ll stop doing it all the time but ask what the reason is just for peace of mind

Mines easy pleased in the nights he works late I din make him anything. He sorts his own lunch bugger doing that for him he’s not a child :rofl: He even cooks for me sometimes :ok_hand:t2: honestly he may feel like a kid being made a pack lunch and a big ass tea. Communication is key ask what he would like and he will tell you he will either sort himself out or give you and idea if what he would like.

Married 26yrs had 8 kids. Wife would cook her best meals. Then some nights I’d cook for her. Now all the kids are gone. She works mid nights I’m days so mon thru fri pretty much whatever we want. Weekends we cook together now. Pretty good foods too. Without all the kids we can have steak on sundays that’s became a habit now so when its - 30 I’ll be outside grilling steaks on sundays. 1 year my mom wanted to do xmas different and grill burgers and hot dogs needless to say never did that again. Was not the same as Turkey n ham.

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He might think you deserve a break every once in a while. Maybe talk to him about it? Or if you bring up you cook and make his lunches all the time, he might’ve just told you that cause he wants you to get off his back. :woman_shrugging: Could definitely be lots of reasons.

Me being married for over 30 years do not want my wife to have to cook every day. She works hard to. A sandwich and a glass of tea and sitting down to talk about the day is really all he wants.

I’ve never had anyone prepare a meal for me.
Would I like it, no. Kind of to late for that.
Your devotion, to making his lunches and dinner’s was certainly wanted and needed.
There can/could be a change in him. Wanting to be healthier? Regardless of how delicious.
Maybe some empathy on your behalf? A sense of guilt? We (men) often grow up in stages. Or don’t see things as clear, until it’s to late, or just later in life. Just as well, very busy making a life for all around him. I’d certainly do as he asked. Talk with him. Not about this. Just add to your daily rituals. Something simple. If you only have this to be concerned. All is well. Enjoy the path. May you have peace.

I think he notices how hard you work for him to make these meals. Maybe hes telling you hey, i appreciate and see all you do for me. You dont have to go all out everytime.

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Some people feel indebted to someone who does what they percieve as too much for them because they don’t feel emotionally equipped to reciprocate. Communication is key here because you run the risk of making him feel suffocated - even if its just his distorted perception.

Why do women always read into things too much? It is as simple as he doesn’t want her to go out of her way. She needs to take some ME time. Occasionally ask if he wants anything special. If so he will tell her.

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Maybe he just feels like a sausage wrapt in bread. My partner and I cook our own meals a couple of nights per week. The conversation kind of goes. I’m having soup for tea, do you want some?

Because he is not your child! He can do it himself

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It maybe him caring for you as it’s hard work and he maybe saying it’s not critical to show your love :slightly_smiling_face:

Maybe hed like things more relaxed so you dont have to work so hard. Hes probably looking out for you. He loves you. That’s what love does. It sacrifices for another.

Maybe he’s worried about the food cost monthly dies he handle finances

Sometimes we men, are looking at a very tired woman. She worked all day to make a home fit to live in. What he’s really trying to say is, come sit with me awhile and rest. Life is slipping away.

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He just isn’t communicating clearly. I don’t think he means any harm. This may he his way of letting you know you don’t need to work so hard all the time. Like when my husband came to me about a housekeeper I was at first offended. He said that he thinks it would be good so I don’t have to half way do stuff. Uhm I dug a little further and his intention was not to say I am not a good housekeeper but that he sees that I am doing it all and it was his way of relieving some of the load. He does help a lot but he is right. Maybe a housekeeper once a month to do the deep cleaning so it is more time for us. :heart: I joke and say I need to put my husband listening ears on. His love language comes out awkward sometimes but he means well.

No, nobody can tell you why he suddenly feels that way, other than him. Ask him. Then let him cook for you for a change.

My husband told me years ago he wanted our house to look lived in , it was to clean. Now 37 years later he wants it spotless.

Definitely talk to him about it tell him him it’s something you enjoy doing for him and that you feel hurt by him telling you to stop but find out why all the sudden then compromise

Just listen to what he said and consider it a simple statement. You like to cook and that takes time. I know it sounds strange,but eating and appreciating a good meal also takes time,and oddly effort as well. I love to cook but when I worked some nights I just wanted movie and popcorn and fun,company or just a night to myself. Men arent really complicated but some just never complete a story with words. Just give him what he wants and enjoy your extra time.

Maybe he has gained some weight and your cooking is do good he over eats a little and he wants to have just lunch and maybe just pick for a dinner. My husband said the same thing to me for those reasons. Take a break, dont feel bad. It wont last long believe me.

Maybe he wants to loose a little weight and would like less to eat, ask I’m sure he will say

She probably been moaning about how tired and exhausted she is so he’s trynna lighten the load on her :rofl::rofl:

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Communication… maybe he just feels bad that you work so hard to please him. But putting it into words is not easy.

It sounds like he is telling you it’s okay you don’t have to work so hard taking care of him. Or maybe he would like life to be a little simpler.

Oh wow I love his thread from what I have seen, this brain trust is a wealth of incredible advice and support.

Consider that he maybe trying to let you know its OK to rest and that you are not his servant. I’m the same as Victoria Berry my love language is service and I adored the praise from my ex husband (for all his faults this wasn’t one) he wanted me to know I was appreciated but at the same time it was not my duty to wait on him like a 60s house wife. Once he understood it was my way of showing love he stopped asking me to stop… Unfortunately he also stopped helping me at all at home even with 2 babies and I asked (or begged) for help with home chores. I think make it clear that you enjoy showing him love this way however make it clear that if you need or want help or a rest that you will say so and that you expect him to step up in those times xxx chin up dear there are some fantastic men out there who may just struggle with communicating, practice makes perfect :blush:

Maybe he goes out for lunch or dinner with a work colleague Female or Male.

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I never cook my husband does it and if I don’t like what he cooks I eat something else :stuck_out_tongue_winking_eye:

He saw the grocery store receipt.

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Express what you have just said and ask him. But don’t overly react if you don’t like the answer.
He may feel he is putting on weight or simply not keen on your cooking. Does it really matter if you love each other?
Psychiatry tells us each person has different ways of giving that expresses their feelings. In a relationship it’s helpful to recognise that. He may not appreciate your expression of love through cooking.

Maybe he just wants you to know he doesn’t expect it? So that you don’t feel like you NEED to do it. But I’d say ask him… he’s the only one who’s going to know the answer …

maybe he has gained too much weight and your meals may contribute

Has he had a physical examination recently and is something wrong that he doesn’t have an appetite? Is it possible that he is depressed? Starting with a good check up on the doctor with blood work would probably be a good idea if he had a good appetite and is now saying you don’t need to cook for him.

He wants you to take a rest. What you’re doing is exhausting yourself, even if you enjoy it. Maybe tell him how you feel and ask each other what a healthy solution would be for both of you

He might feel like you’re breaking the bank cooking so much…

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Probably because you whine and complain about how tired you are . I know many women constantly though unknowingly ask for praise for what they do but to a husband it can sound like complaining and make him feel like a burden to you.

Maybe he is trying to cut back on calories…

Maybe he wants to eats lighter or less. And I agree suggest switching off cooking.

It sounds a bit like maybe he’s looking to take some things off of your “plate” & or is trying to move quality time up the list of priorities. Ask him his motive. He may just be saying that though he enjoys your skills, he doesn’t need you to ALWAYS go out of your way.

My husband is the same way. But he’s always been like that cus he’s not a big eater like I am. Maybe that’s the case with your husband?

There are nights where my husband is happy with frozen pancakes, grilled cheese, a bowl cereal, for his dinner. He gets too hot while working and he doesn’t want to eat. Also he makes his own lunch to take to work which is a couple bags of chips and some snacks and a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. We’ve been together 20 years and I would say maybe 1520 times he’s made a different sandwich. As far as cooking a meal for him it would have to be ground beef. He doesn’t like chicken he doesn’t like pork. It was like ham steaks and that’s about it. But I could give him a big bowl of mashed potatoes if we happy. I am truly blessed

Cause he was lying all along he dosent really like your cooking but didnt want u to feel bad. Now u r over the honeymoon stage he dosent care as much about pleasing you.

Ask him. He’s your husband so you should be able to ask him anything. My husband doesn’t expect me to cook every night and often tells me to just take a break and we’ll eat what we eat.

Maybe the grocery bills are too high .

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Aw maybe he’s not used to being pampered that way lmaoo if it bothers you I say still cook and don’t stress yourself out. If it bothers him to still see you making extravagant meals then talk it out and tone it down?

Then let him take care of himself as he has asked. Then find out reasons why he now wants you to back off. If he can’t give you a straight up answer, then let him figure out the age old question “What’s for dinner/supper”? And do something for yourself!! Good luck!

I would say talk to him. Maybe he was just frustrated when he said it? Maybe he feels like you’re coddling him or babying him and it can cause him to feel emasculated? Maybe he feels like you’re spending too much time cooking and wants your attention but just isn’t going about it in the right way? It sounds like y’all need to communicate.

Is he trying to lose weight? If so he doesn’t want the big meals.

Sounds like it’s more than a cooking issue….

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Why don’t you ask him? Maybe it’s his way of telling you you can take it a bit easier, or that he’s not sure how to tell you he doesn’t like something without hurting your feelings🤷‍♀️

Maybe at work he takes a ribbing because you send him to work with lunch! And maybe he thinks special meals should be for special occasions because that’s part of what makes them special! What’s wrong with a good meal of comfort food like a good homemade soup or stew or burger or what ever! Some people can really screw up simple foods , but if he thinks your food is delicious, he’ll still love it! Maybe he doesn’t like a big meal ( a lot of people don’t for different reasons)! Or maybe he grew up eating less fancy and likes it that way! Count yourself lucky that you can ease up ! That doesn’t mean that making him a sandwich for lunch (if that’s what he wants) or that he would rather you didn’t fix him a lunch every day is an insult to you! I’m single and am a pretty good cook, but I went to the cafeteria at work or got takeout with everyone else and never in 25 years at my last job ever brought a lunch! Also, you’d be surprised at how many people can make a bad sandwich( I had an ex boyfriend that told me I made really good sandwiches, to me they were normal)! So he still probably thinks you’re a good cook! You seem to be trying too hard( I recognize the signs because I was like that with someone) and it’s not worth the angst

Try ordering food once in while. We love to order food at my house once in while makes dinner easy clean up. You could make more of your favorite dishes and freeze some in containers that can be heated up.

Maybe he doesn’t want u to have to slave for him…just talk to him about it and find out what he wants…I don’t understand why couple’s can’t just talk and communicate :confused: :roll_eyes: it’s simple 🤷 :confused:

Is he gaining weight? Too much of a good thing isn’t good either.

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I would not complain!! Imagine ya husband wanting to look after himself… dream come true x

Maybe he’s just trying to lose some weight! :exploding_head:

There could be many reasons guilt like you are doing to much for him he doesn’t like your cooking trying to lose weight the possibilities are infinite the only way you are going to find out is to ask him 9 times out of 10 us women tend to make mountains out of mole hills by overthinking everything best of luck

Do what he says, look how that goes. Then sit down to discuss this calmly without using any undertones. Men often have tough time explaining simple things. So understand what he really means rather than assuming what you want to.
This isn’t a life/death scenario, so chill!

All right I’m gonna go out on a limb n put some of my personal experiences out there when my husband started this shit it was because he was going out n eating with coworkers Notice he put an S on the end coworkers that wasn’t the case at all turns out he was meeting a female who happen to work in the same building not so much as a coworker side-by-side but they’ve met in the parking lot just saying it escalated we ended up divorced

Strange. That’s the last thing I’d tell my wife. Maybe he’d rather eat out once in awhile to give you a break.

I just ask my husband what he wants for dinner each week and I make what he wants.

Maybe the routine is stifling him! Stop cooking and see how soon he starts begging for a decent meal. Sometimes you just need a break from the norm. He might well want to try his hand at cooking something too but never gets a chance. Hope you get some clarity moving forward

I agree with the thought of it might be that out of love for you he doesn’t want you to cook all the time communicate with him and see if a nice dinner twice a week is ok or more figure out with talking that you want to do for him but you appreciate him considering your time and energy but maybe through talking you can see if that’s it and get to a happy medium. Maybe go out on certain nights or a date night maybe a light dinner with a nice dinner twice a week but talking and honesty is the best for any relationship don’t get your feelings hurt if he is being honest and doesn’t enjoy your cooking talk about it and get ideas from him what he enjoys and what you enjoy. Communication is the key. Good luck to you

Does he have someone else cooking for him