Why Hasn’t My Boyfriend Proposed?


"I have been with my boyfriend very steadily for just about 8 years now. We get along tremendously. We never fight, we are very affectionate towards each other & the communication between us is perfect. I’m so happy & feel so so grateful to know him & be loved & accepted by him. I live with him in his dad's house (who we rent from) and during the pandemic, I babysat his niece & 2 nephews full time (love and adore them & his entire family). My question (and everyone we know as well) is where is the ring?! it gets old fast (that question), but now I’m really wondering.. where is it after all this time and why have other girls gotten a house, ring, baby & pets together waaaaay before us I almost feel insulted in a way sometimes.

Like, am I not worth that commitment?! He is more than likely waiting to finish school (he will be done in 4 years) and waiting until he feels accomplished & more stable. Which is fair.. but damn. Still, a long way to go. I don’t mind waiting I guess. I’m really not in a rush to shovel out a zillion dollars for a party/dress/honeymoon/photographer and that. I would just like to know why the h*** he hasn’t committed yet? I suppose I could ask him... but I don’t really want to make a big deal about it & then have him feel pressured to do something he’s not ready to do... any advice on this?! I’m 32."

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The following top answers have been selected by a moderator from hundreds of responses to the original question.

"Well my advice would be to ask him. I wouldn’t put it as “where is my ring” or “why haven’t you asked me to marry you” but I would bring up the topic of marriage and ask if he ever sees you guys getting married someday. Maybe he is waiting to graduation or maybe he thinks you don’t want it because you never bring it up. I get the whole don’t want to pressure him thing and you should tell him that…but do you want to spend another 8yrs in a relationship if you know he will never marry you? Wouldn’t you sooner know so you can decide if you want to stay in the relationship knowing it won’t lead to marriage."

"I would communicate with him that is what you are wanting after this many years together and go from there. It will never be the perfect time in life so if it’s important to u say something."

"Uhm…… you’ve been together 8 years and you feel he hasn’t committed to you yet? Honey, he has. A wedding doesn’t mean commitment. I feel like you want a wedding more than you want a life partner. They are two different things. Being married is just a piece of paper. If you want a commitment, you have one."

"Stop making commitment synonymous with engaged. You don’t have to be engaged to be committed. 8 years together? That’s commitment. You literally described a great relationship, why do you feel the need to be engaged? Talk to him about all of this. He’s the only one that will be able to give you answers. Just remember, not everyone wants to get married. Doesn’t mean they are less committed."

"I would just sit down with him and have a conversation about maybe when he’d like to make the next step just say it is something that you’d want and just say you don’t mind waiting just not a long long time. And all these people saying you don’t need to me married to be committed to some people getting married and engaged is just the icing on the top for us that’s all the validation we need and for some people it is a big deal. Just be honest with him."

"You have the commitment, but you want the wedding. Your relationship seems perfect. Have you considered proposing to him?"

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