My ex was bipolar, I admitted him 3 times to a mental institution because he’s a self harmer also. He’s been on so many meds but then feels “fine” and stops taking them. Which unfortunately is what a lot of people do. He does counseling and sees a physiatrist and only seems to get worse. He’ll do good for a while and has great qualities when he is up. When things are bad he was very abusive, paced, talked to his “demon”, and more… it doesn’t get better. Mental illnesses are a life long battle, unless you’re ready to live a miserable life I would end it now. For yourself and your children. I had too 
good luck
My abusive ex was bipolar (on and off medications for our entire 5-ish year relationship) and there was no improvement when he was on the meds vs off. Like others have said: the mental illness is not an excuse for the abuse. I’m sorry you’re going through this.
It will help. As long as he takes his meds daily, and he finds the right medication that works for him. Some meds work for some people and not others. There will be good and bad days. But do remember there is a point where enough is just enough. You know whats best!
You already know the two of you need to get help and get the imbalances under control! My first husband was diagnosed as paranoid schizophrenic about 5 years after we split for good. He always told me I was the crazy one and he was going to have me committed. Anyway, because of his rages, I still, after 40 years, flinch when a man waves his arm near me and I have issues (anxiety and panic attacks) with vibrations from noise…not so much the noise but, the vibrations. It’s better now that it was even 20 years ago but, still it will take time to go away. God bless you and keep you on your journey.
Those are habits and he is not going to stop . I suffer from bipolar and I have mood swings and I don’t call my husband bad names and trust me , I cuss like a sailor .
Weed is actually not good for us bipolar people and he may not be bipolar with out a diagnosis he could be taking the completely wrong medicine it actually sounds like BPD and you would also benefit from going to get diagnosed and be on medication
You didn’t mention which medication he’s on or how long he’s been on it. Medication can take several weeks before you notice any change or benefits. I was diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder several years ago and am on 20mg of Lexapro daily. While it generally keeps me stabilised there have been times (particularly when I have been extra stressed or under greater than usual pressure) where no amount of medication helps. Perhaps both of you should see your GP to discuss these issues. Be kind to him and yourself and seek help to provide possible explanations.
The proper medication and psychiatrist can help a lot. (not psychologist, he needs a psychiatrist). Sounds like you both need some assistance, you do too and it takes awhile for meds to work at the highest possible results but they do work. Sometimes the problem is that when they work you tend to think you’re all better and quit them. Not a good idea and one that makes it harder to find meds that work the next time. Many of the meds, if quit on your own, cold turkey, will not work next time they are taken. So once on one that works stay on it until the doctor says you don’t need it, which he should not say but some do. As for you, you also need some assistance so should look into that and ask your doctor to help with the issues that are affecting you. Hopefully you both improve and things go smoother for you and your kiddies soon.
I don’t think the verbal abuse is an excuse for bipolar. I think that’s more of an anger issue. Medication can help but he still doesn’t have a right to degrade u.
It’s definitely a possibility. The issue I had after I started on medication, was that everyone around me was so used to the way I behaved before I was on medication that it was hard for them to see me any other way. It took a long time for all of my relationships with friends and family to somewhat normalize.
It’s possible for things to work if you both put in the effort. It can’t be all him or all you. Medication only does so much. I’ve learned from experience, the person has to work on things as well as taking medication.
Im bipolar and started meds almost a year ago now. Before that my manic episodes and depressive episodes were horrendous and caused alot of issues for my relationship and put alot of stress on it. Just wanna say going on meds changed so much for me and has been a massive help which in turn has helped my relationship. Finding ways to deal with his episodes and avoiding triggers will help too. But you also need to sit down and talk about everything once he is balanced out and work on the relationship together.
Bio polar is NOT an excuse to be verbally abusive . I would not stay much less breed with a person like this, sorry if you believe this is to honest but he didn’t start overnight. As for “ self medicating “, sounds like he has an excuse for everything. Good luck in your future, you are intertwined forever with his child
If one medication doesn’t work, don’t give up. It took me a lot of different meds before I found one that actually works with my brain chemistry. It may take the Dr’s. A few tries with different meds and different doses … good luck girly!
I was with someone that was bipolar and properly medicated he was a wonderful person. He started dosing himself high and it became an issue in his personality.
I went off my previous anti-depressant and I was not a fun person to be around and I finally sat down and thought about it and decided to start a new antidepressant. I started Lexapro and within a week or two I was completely back to myself. I do think if you have a mood disorder and medication is necessary it does help
Part of it may be the bipolar, and it may improve somewhat, but in my experience it does not improve enough, and there will still be episodes.
So I have bipolar disorder (actually diagnosed).
I have never called my husband mean thing like those.
I have triggers that set me off super easily.
But it does make a difference I don’t try to pick fights all the time and aren’t as miserable as usual.
They actually do a “dna test” to see what medications actually work for you and against you.
The kind my doctor gave me worked against me and made everything worse. It was basically trial and error until we found something that worked with bipolar. Depression and anxiety. (Talk about roller coasters of emotions)
Medication will help the symptoms but therapy will help the relationship…
Meds might help. They evened me out a lot. I’m much less angry and confrontational
It will help, just support him and let him know that it does take time to have your body regulated on them and just because you’re taking them and you don’t feel a difference does not mean you stop taking them. My fiance is bipolar 2 and I’ve got BPD among other diagnoses.The best thing you can do is learn eachothers diagnoses and their backround. As a person who deals with BPD it feels like a lose lose situation having a mental illness such as a personality disorder because you can always sit here and say that you don’t have control over your symptoms but you also don’t want to have that attitude towards it and basically enable and justify acting certain ways because that eliminates any possibility of managing them.
They do help but they need to adjust dosage from time to Time also while they help the illness does not go away
Run run run my son is on meds its up and down and get really really down at times its hard
Just when everything gets better, for a time, it’s buh bye sex drive and hello new problem with a consequential relapse. Yes, not everyone. But definitely a vast majority…
Experience speaking. Run. They will go on meds until they “feel better” and go off them. Viscous cycle. Continually. Never ending. Just don’t.
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You’re not alone. The way I look at it is people treat others, how they feel about themselves. If you love him… try to navigate the healing together.
Medication does not fix major character flaws.
The smoke that he feels like he can’t live without is probably making him that way!
Will it get better…Don’t be surprised if he also loses his libido…just sayin
I was with a bipolar guy for 6 years. Even on medication and psychiatric care some things don’t change or get better. Petty and nastiness isn’t a bipolar thing. Damage done like that, I’m sorry to say, is intentional. I put my foot down on being called names. I can handle being told “you’re acting like an ass” but to be called such things is extremely demeaning and you don’t want your children to start exhibiting the same behavior just because he gets away with it. My ex had childhood trauma that led him to excusing why he did things and acted the way he did. But it never changed. I too have childhood trauma, anxiety, depression. But now I also have trauma from this and it affects how I view myself, am I good enough? Am I doing enough? I kept hoping in time it would get better, for him to finally be happy enough to treat me better. To see that I was his teammate in life not his competitor. He was financially abusive, a narcissistic gaslighter, self-centered, & greedy. In the end, this constant fight for him to see my worth & to stop trying to fight/compete with me damaged me more than I thought it would, honestly. It’s definitely put me off of relationships because I don’t have the energy to even try when I’m battling the lingering effects of what damage he has done to my self-worth, self-esteem & self confidence. Problem is, some people think it’s Ok to treat people they “love” this way because no one has set a firm boundary with them before, they think because you love them you will always put up with the pain & just “get over” the damage they don’t want to see that they’ve done. No one is entitled to treat or speak to someone they love like that. We aren’t their personal emotional punching bag.
I was told it wasn’t a healthy relationship by my therapist but when someone else I trusted with opening up to said “that’s abuse” I did what I suggest you do- looked up what info my local domestic abuse shelter had on that- even just to inform yourself. I don’t want you to experience the same cycles over and over again with no hope for a happier life for you and your kids. FWIW: Domestic abuse is not always violence. After years together, trying for a baby, even getting engaged - I kept hoping the nasty side of him would quit. He always chose alcohol over me, it was his own parents and siblings that propelled him to stop. I was so happy he finally stepped up and got a job again after I had been supporting him financially for years (until he was sober & stable with his medication, enough to start work again)… that’s when it actually got even worse. Don’t let anyone excuse how they treat you, set healthy boundaries and stand firm. If he doesn’t see the light, or the irreparable damage he is doing to you - than you must start reevaluating how this trickles down to your kids who are seeing this. They learn from us, even affecting their future relationships. 
Keep him off of depakote and seraquil. My husband is bipolar and made him worse.
Run as fast as you can…been there done that…
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Please don’t mess around with the medication dosing, keep a journal of all meds taken, time, symptoms, etc…
I’m a nurse. I wish you the best 
i’m going thru the same situation it’s really hard and sometimes i just wanna give up , blames everything on me nothings ever his fault
Hope your kids aren’t around when he’s abusing you!!!
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I’m telling you now, until he heals, you should get out.
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Being mentally ill is not an excuse to be a shitty abusive person.
It sounds like you deserve better.
I’m in the exact situation 
I got prescribed anxiety medication
It’s fully controllable once he finds a medicine that works for him
. But… he HAS to stay on it. A common problem with bipolar is they get to feeling good and think they don’t need it then have a manic episode or high or low…and that’s miserable. My ex husband is bipolar. I don’t have any extreme stories about him… but my grandma’s ex husband was bipolar to the 10th power. He would disappear for weeks, come back extremely manic and preaching, car loaded with stuff he got at auction 3 states away. He was impossible to live with because he wouldn’t stay on his medicine… A mental disorder is never ever an excuse to be abusive… you don’t have to take that.
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Hes just been put on the meds ,give him time try to be patient. I have bi polar and borderline personality, we say things we dont mean i dont even know where the shit comes from sometimes.its like another person inside us takes over when we lose it , try give him time let these meds work but you arent wonder woman do what you can xx goodluck
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It’s next to impossible to properly diagnose someone who isn’t sober because all drugs even weed messes with brain chemistry. Imo he needs to get himself straightened out on his own doing because he wants to and not because you’re pushing him to be a better person. He’ll only resent you and be more verbally abusive.
You have kids now so get your crap together.
First of all, bipolar disorder doesn’t make you a mean and hurtful person. Meds won’t help that.
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Unfortunately, I can 100% related to this post. My ex husband who I have a child with is bipolar and has rage filled episodes where he is abusive toward me and destructive with our belongings. This went on for years and years and he never was on any medication so I’m curious if meds actually help with the rollercoaster mood swings as well. It’s pure hell to deal with someone like this because you can’t rationalize or understand their erratic behavior.
Hiya I have Bipolar and can first of all tell you, he needs to get off the weed or at least reduce it as much as possible just now, it would also be a good idea for you cause it is not helping yer anxiety in the long run, then you need to realise that medication alone helps but only a little bit, he needs to relearn life and how to cope with it. It took me a couple of years to be able to go back to work but things were still rocky and I could easily hit manic again, it’s been 5 years since my diagnosis and I now have a good job, have paid off all my bills and am saving for a house but it hasn’t been easy and I still have to work hard everyday to stay stable. Make sure you’s talk regularly about how your feeling and how you are doing, always be brutally honest with each other and never ever lie, this alone is a major trigger for me. If you are both willing to work at it th there is no reason you can’t make it work
Tbh sounds a lil more like he’s borderline
That doesn’t sound like bipolar.
He’s not supposed to smoke while on the medication
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It doesn’t matter what mental health issues someone has. Name calling is NEVER okay. He has to want to change and learn how to control the erratic behavior.
Second, smoking weed has nothing to do with his violence. You need meds so you can gather up strength to leave, mama.
I have bipolar disorder and I don’t verbally abuse my partner. There’s no reason for that at all and he sounds like he was just using that as an excuse for his poor behavior. My ex had toxic parents who enabled him. He would always say that it’s the way he was brought up. I called bullshit as soon as I met my now fiancée who was beat and kicked out and starved by his parents and he’s the sweetest fucking man in the world. Don’t let shitty men make excuses. They will be how they are. With my bipolar 2 I also get irate but I always can remove myself from the situation and sit in my room to calm down for a min before snapping. Some disorders are resistant to treatment, so what happens then in that case? I don’t think this is someone that’s good for you at all and I don’t even know you. Just based off of what you said that is abuse
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My sister is one of those bipolar people who should NOT smoke pot. Your BF could very well be the same way. If he is on meds he needs to stop smoking and let the pills do their job. And once they have started helping he might be able to smoke again. But like I said some BP folks can not and should not smoke
No mental illness makes you treat anyone bad I’m guessing he wasn’t raised better or disciplined for his bad behavior growing up
I am bipolar, treating someone like shit isn’t a symptom. It’s a excuse.
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Runnnnnnnn!!! Been there done that… That’s more than just bi-polar…
I just left a 23 year relationship. He would also just snap and be super mad. Calling me alot of names. Useless as tits on a boar
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Hon, if someone is able to talk to their beloved like that, it’s not because they’re bipolar, it’s because they’re an asshole.
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It won’t get better because you allow his behavior. He knows your weaknesses. Also bipolar people are notorious for not taking their medication because they feel fine or it makes them feel weird. He’s self medicating with the weed. Likely so are you! Not only will you remain toxic to each other, you will teach this to your toxicity to your innocent babies. Please get help for yourself. You can not save anyone else while you’re drowning. I’m being blunt because you’ve not been listening to the sugar coated version. Best wishes. You can get healthy but not swimming in a swamp.
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Sounds to me like you should do therapy TOGETHER!!! One on one is great but this a special deal here and you both could benefit from doing it together!!! You will learn how to treat each other …together.
If you know he has this problem either work with him or leave.
Don’t compare metal health conditions. Bipolar isn’t easy to deal with, and if you aren’t prepared for his bad days then you should leave.
It’s not healthy for him, you or the kids.
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It takes a while to get their meds straight. My girlfriend’s husband has his meds & she says he’s much better than off the meds
Hi bipolar person here, yes it gets better but if he is verbally abusive you should leave him. That’s not bipolar that is straight up abuse.
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Sounds like bpd not bipolar. I used to smoke ALOT of weed. I’ve been sober since December it was incredibly hard, it still has its days. I’ve learned to deal w my emotions much better and have less outbursts and bpd episodes as I call them. Marijuana influences serotonin and really it was meant to be ingested because our serotonin receptors are actually in our gut and not in our brains like most people think. Weed is like meds if you don’t take it correctly it doesn’t help starting off w getting a tolerance down like WAAAAAY down to where a hit or 2 can chill him out when he’s not ok. Otherwise if you take oh say Xanax your body builds a tolerance and when you don’t have it your moody and don’t feel right and it takes time to come off of it and for your tolerance to go down and to feel ok not having it at all. Withdrawal from weed and meds are alot alike.
I also found that serotonin based psych meds would take away my depression but would make me a very irritable nasty person and made my episode much worse. I recently got on a birth control and toy surprise it made me feel the best of ever felt in my life and I believe maybe that’s why bpd is so impossible to treat, everyone focuses on the brain when it’s something else entirely. I’ve tried every first line of defense psych med it’s made me feel like a guinea pig and some gave me awful side effects while taking them and some even left w me w permanent changes.
Even though it’s not the normal thing ask him to try a male birth control for 30 days just to see how it could effect him.
It can absolutely improve with meds but it can also get a whole lot worse before it does. It can take a while to get meds straight.
As for the rest of it, that’s hard. If he’s only doing these things when he is having an episode and he is actively working to correct it, perhaps give him (and you) some grace.
If, however, it is something engrained in his personality and/or it reaches the point that he’s not actively trying to correct it, it’s probably time to dip.
And also take the time to figure out why you put up with it. The reason I say that is not at all to victim shame you. I’ve just seen it happen too many times. If you don’t fix the part of you that feels this behavior is ok, you’re bound to repeat it with the next guy.
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I had to break my engagement off with my ex fiance because he can’t function without weed and would get nasty and violent without it
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I have Bip2 and BPD, personally for me, medication has never helped.
I get put on one, after a month it’s ineffective, they up the dosage, after another month I need the dose upped again, and repeat and repeat until I’m on the Max dose and it’s no longer helping but instead my moods and depressive states are much more severe.
So we change my medication to something else.
I suffer withdrawals from the old meds while suffering new side effects adjusting to the new ones.
After a month, dose needs to go up again, repeat and repeat with several types of medications and they each put me in more danger moreso than I’m in when I’m not medicated.
Just be mindful the same could happen to him.
Leave its not mental health its the drugs. The drugs only heighten the crappy person he is anyways. Leave it doesn’t get better, he’s not going to magically turn into a nice person.
Yes.split n go your separate ways.run dnt walk
Instead of taking something that is going to be toxic to the body, why not try detoxing the toxins that are already there and taking beneficial supplements and cleaning up the diet. Cut out inflammatory foods. People dont understand how much unclean food can effect ones behavior.
If you are interested, I can give you some names of doctors you can follow and learn from.
That is abuse, not his mental illness. Get out now.
We cannot answer that.
Get the H… Outta there!!!
Living with mental illness is one thing but taking it out on the people you love is another. Be careful.
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Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. Will my relationship improve with bipolar medication for my partner? - Mamas Uncut
I’m not bipolar but I’m diagnosed with severe depression and anxiety. I’m no longer on medication and I know when I’m getting bad again. I’ve learned to cope with it and when I noticed I’m low, I do my absolute best to be as high as I can be for my fiancé. I get very irritable, moody, and usually wanna be left alone but I’m working on it. Not just for myself but for my relationship. He can’t use this as an excuse and you can’t accept that kind of behavior just because he has a disorder. It takes time yes but people LEARN to cope with it. And him being verbally abusive to you doesn’t disregard the fact HES BEING VERBALLY ABUSIVE disorder or no disorder. Whether his medication is kicking in or not he NEEDS TO FIND COPING MECHANISMS if he finds himself not being himself. It’s hard to see how one can be when your self destructing or being toxic, theres ways to stop yourself before it gets worse and he needs to learn that and find what works best for him.
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Is he angered when he doesnt have smoke or all the time. Alot of ppl get super ignorant w none! Prayers woman, u deserve peace n happiness
I am bipolar and have been through this with past partners. First, I want to say that weed will contradict psych meds. He does sound bipolar… meds the some time to work. Sometimes they make things worse. Whether its depression, anxiety, mania or even feeling suicidal. It can also be a long time before they find the right meds and doses for him. It can even be less if he gets lucky. I went through years trying to get it right with my psychiatrist. I got my genetics test done and that told us what meds work best for me and that helped a lot. Please know that he most likely feels extremely guilty afterwards and ashamed at how he acted and treated you. If you really love him and want to be with him, its going to be a bumpy ride for a little bit. But it will be worth it in the end. But that is your choice to make. And its his choice to keep going and stay on his meds. Work together. Try and communicate the best you can. Keep a calm conversation, even if its just you being calm, the best you can. It is going to be VERY hard to do. I know this hurts. I hope this helps. And I hope things work out for you either way.
He started getting help be grateful. Therapy for you both.
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Smoking weed lessens the effects of psyche meds and can induce the very symptoms you both are experiencing. As someone with mental illnesses that used to smoke, quitting is the best solution, the withdrawls are difficult, but once you pass that stage, it makes all the difference in your mental health. Ditch the weed and let the psyche meds work properly.
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I have bipolar 1 and am medicated.
I still get highs and lows but not the extremes. It requires constant mental energy on my part to not let my moods effect my fiance and child. I dont always succeed, but I try and its exhausting.
That being said:
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Mental health is no excuse for abusive behavior. Stop tolerating it.
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If you want a fighting chance, medication compliance needs to be a deal breaker. Kids or not. He needs to comply or it will not get better and you need to hold him accountable and be willing to leave with your kids if he doesn’t, not just threaten it.
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It can absolutely get a lot better. I’m living proof. As is my brother. The majority of it though rests on his shoulders.
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The good thing is he started getting help. The bad thing is it can take years to find what works it took me several years and several combinations of medicine to even begin to help. Most meds will make you tired, loopy or other side effects at first you have to get use to them. If he don’t take his meds consistyand treat with a psychiatrist at least monthly it will be unlikely to manage . Good luck . It’s an exhausting illness for everyone to deal with.
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I would not put up with it because it can escalate he needs to learn to behave and use coping skills with his issues
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Time for a change for you and your children. Get to some safety and get the help you and your children need he’s bringing you down and no doctor who prescribed pysch meds will allow you to smoke pot . Defends the purpose getting your life on track . Time to leave the toxicity and start over . Think of when he flips ans is mean think of your children what will he do to them if they piss him off . You and your children’s safe should be most important.
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My exhusband is also bipolar. Tried to manage it with marijuana but it made him severely manic. Refused medication and abused weed. Nothing else mattered. His weed addiction took over. My kids are not safe with him.
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It’s time to bounce girl. I was with a man like that for 16 years. It’s bad, its toxic. It’s not worth it.
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Hes getting help. Give it a chance. See if it helps. Mental illness is not an excuse to be an asshole, but I can say 1st hand when you have sone chemicals off in your head, its hard, frustrating, and so very complicated. And unfortunately we end up taking it out on the ones we care most about. We know tgere is something wrong, but we don’t know how to fix it.
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Speaking from personal experience, I am diagnosed Bipolar and wasn’t the best in my relationship… with being compliant with meds and therapy, it does get SO MUCH better. Only downside is meds are tricky, you have to find the right cocktail. It also takes work on his end. There’s no excuse for his diagnosis to be ugly though.
His illness isn’t an excuse to treat anybody like crap.
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I am manic bipolar and I have not treated my family that way, I’ve had manic outbursts with them, yes but I have never sat there and degraded them. He needs a lot more help than meds and he needs to get it together around the kids. Period.
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Mental illness isn’t an excuse to be an asshole. Find what medication/therapy works and put in the work to be a better person
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I hate it when people use their mental illness as an excuse to be verbally abusive. That’s bull. Tell him if he doesn’t stop being verbally abusive that you will choose to love yourself enough to leave him because you don’t deserve to be treated that way.
Therapy therapy therapy. Medication is a TOOL not a solution. It takes practice, self realization, support and multiple other tools. Bipolar is NOT what it is described in films, social media, etc. It’s complicated, subtle, obvious, clean, messy ALL of it. When worked correctly. It can work for you. However, the nasty and name calling is concerning. Bipolar is not a free pass for disrespect
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I think both of you together is a ticking bomb u clearly both need help and the kids dont need that. If you are not strong enough to leave for u leave for them. Sometimes people need to pick themselves up.u can’t parent 2 children and 1 abusive adult
Run they are bad people. Been there and done that with kids and it never ends while.
If he’s taking meds for something that serious I definitely think you’re going to be a lot happier when he’s leveled out. But make sure that they take their pills properly consistently
I’m going to be completely brutally honest with you, that doesn’t sound like bipolar - it sounds like abuse.
It sounds like frightening mood swings which he needs to figure out how to manage in a healthier way- rather than take them out on you. (Bipolar isn’t moodswings- its depression or mania, in clearly defined and long lasting episodes. Mania is described as euthoric and chaotic and not dissimilar to psycosis in that it can be a very confusing experience for the sufferer. It does not inherently make them ‘angry’ or behave in an abusive way. I don’t want to sound condescending but it just doesn’t fit if you ask me- it sounds like a carefully constructed excuse)
You can only help someone if they want to be helped. I also wonder if he’s framing his behaviour as an illness so it woukd make you the ‘bad guy’ if you left. From an outside perspective, he sounds manipulative and dangerous.
Know your worth. X
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I would not wait for the meds to help, I think you need to ask yourself if this relationship is good for you. He sounds very mentally abusive.
You can’t have a definitive timeline. It’s going to take time to stabilize. You have decide if you are capable of dealing with a serious disorder because as awful as he is to you typically they are feeling worse and it’s not like they can just stop. If you don’t know if you can be that person then you need to be honest with yourself and him too. I’d advise counseling and educate yourself on his diagnosis as well. He will need support if you plan on staying. It will definitely have rough times.