Would I Be In The Wrong If I Rehomed My Husband's Dog?

QUESTION:

“A few months ago, my husband brought home a dog without asking me. He knows I dislike dogs, and I never wanted one. I am 9 months pregnant and also have a two-year-old and feel like I have 0 time for this dog that I never wanted… he is about to deploy and expects me to care for HIS dog that I did not want to begin with, but I have no desire to do this. He is a good dog, but I told him since the day he brought him home that I WAS NOT caring for him. He still expects me to do this while raising our children while he is away…would it be wrong of me to rehome this dog that I never wanted?”

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TOP ANSWERS (AS SELECTED BY MODERATOR):

“I would tell him you’re rehoming the dog. As a mother of 2 kids around the same age, he can’t expect you to take care of a dog, he didn’t even ask you first. And it’s not like he’ll be home to help you! Wow! I’d tell him what to expect when he leaves. That’s for sure! You’re NOT in the wrong!”

“Ask him to do it before he leaves. Do not do it while he’s gone without telling him or talking to him about it. I gotta be honest if my significant other rehomed my dog without speaking to me about it that would be grounds for divorce in my home.”

“Your not wrong. Communication goes a long way. You don’t get a dog and expect somebody else to take care of it. If you don’t want a dog you shouldn’t be forced to have one.”

“NOT WRONG!! You stated from the off you don’t like dogs and would never own one and now his brought one into your home and buggered off leaving you to care for it! Definitely not wrong imo. I’d do the same.”

“No it’s not wrong. What’s wrong is the fact that people expect you to care for something you specifically said you we’re not going to do. As a single mom who also (for compulsive cleaning reasons) does not want a dog at home, I can relate. It’s ok to say you have too much on your plate. It’s ok to take things off your plate. Don’t listen to what other people say and go find that dog a GOOD home where it will be properly cared for. Your mental health is more important than a bunch of people of FBs opinions. The less stressed you are the better mom you’ll be and Thats priority #1.”

“I would tell him the dog goes when he goes. I love dogs but I know my schedule doesn’t allow me to be a good pet owner. He should have waited for a pet until he was home to take care of it. It was selfish if him to get a dog knowing your feelings and the fact that he wasn’t going to be there.”

“Don’t get rid of it behind his back but definitely tell him he needs to find someone else to watch it while he’s gone. Its absolutely unfair that he expects you to raise 2 kids alone and a new puppy (which are more work than kids half the time). It honestly just sounds like he doesn’t respect your opinions or wishes.”

“I’m going to go the other direction. As long as you properly rehome the dog. Not just dump it at the humane society then NTA. but you do need to tell him you are going to do this. Don’t do it behind his back. He should have never brought a pet into the home knowing that his partner did not want it and he wouldn’t be here to take care of it. Especially with small children involved.”

“If you don’t feel that you can give this dog an abundance of love and an active lifestyle then you should find a home that will. A dog deserves a happy, loving home as well.”

“Do what’s right for you and your family. Knowing he would be gone for long periods of time, he should have made sure you were good with caring for the dog. I wouldn’t do it behind his back, but let him know he can have a choice in where the dog goes before he leaves or let him know you will find the dog a good home. It wasn’t fair of him to bring home a dog for you to take care of knowing you did not want one.”

“No honestly it’s not wrong. People who are saying it is aren’t getting the big picture. You didnt want the dog, you said you didn’t want to care for the dog but he STILL got a dog knowing most of the car will go on you. Not fait. Especially being pregnant and having a toddler. Talk to your husband first though. Try to find a doggy foster until he returns.”

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READ ALL ANSWERS BELOW:

Well, if you’re willing to break your husband’s heart, go ahead, rehome the dog. But expect him to have some deep feelings about it. And be prepared for the fallout.

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He has an attachment to that dog. its not an old chair or shirt you toss out without telling him. You have to tell him before he leaves or else this is going to cause deep rift in your relationship. If my wife got rid of my dog while I was deployed, I would never look at her the same again. Just saying.

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So selfish. Unbelievable. I feel sorry for the dog.

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My husband got me a puppy right before he deployed for a year. We had two boys and 1 dog already. The puppy kept getting out of the yard and I was trying to run down the street but my boys were 6 and 3 in which they couldn’t be left alone even for 30 seconds as our 3 year old was also a wanderer. I remember feeling so overwhelmed and we lived 1800 miles away from family, The last time the puppy did it, the MPs saw him down the street and me with the boys running behind me, trying to get him. I was crying and told the MPs to please take him as it was way too much for me. I was choosing my sons welfare over the puppy.

Now years later, my advice to you would be to have a true conversation with your husband. If he still wants the dog after that, there are people (possibly friends or relatives) and non-profits that will care for the dog while he is deployed.
Check with your service member and family programs office for resources as they most likely already have some options. If you live away from a base, the National Guard has a program too and helps all branches of the military.

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Yes you would be wrong! You must be a truly selfish person! With no heart! I your husband has has any sense you will leave with his dog and not look back!

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As a women who spend 10 years as a military wife, going thru many deployments and raising the kids mostly by myseflt, since he was gone so much becuase of the military, I would have a talk with your husband. Don’t rehime him behind his back. I think he really has no idea how hard it is to be left with a new born and a toddler (that happen to me). If I would had not had a full time child care provider it would had driven me crazy. Maybe he can leave it with family if this is his last deployment before his next 5 years WIHOUT any deployments (even in those years my husband would still be gone up to 2 months many times a year but yet it was not consider deployments), n he can get his dog after he returns. You need to take care of you, your future new born and your kid. I think is awesome that you are realistic. I seing sooooooooo many military wifes breaking down becuase they don’t have any help when their husband are deploy n they end up in divorce
and it is really wise for you to have boundaries n set your priorities straight. Most people don’t understand becuase they have not being your situation but I have being there (even without child care for a while n it was super hard) . Your mental health is more important than the dog becuase you need to take care of your kids.

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If you did that to me, the relationship would be over. I would tell him to ask someone else to care for him while he is deployed. But you are giving off major red falg vibes

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