Hey my children are 11 and 6. My in-laws are fab they ask about the children and every few months asks to have them over night and spends time with them. We NEVER ask, we never get a date night ect. However my mum lives around the corner I see her most days when I pop in but she doesn’t ask about the kids are ever ask to see them. When I take them round there not aloud to run around the garden watch tv or even go in the living room, there made to stand in the kitchen and not do anything, resulting in the 6 year old just won’t go anymore. My 11 year old asked to sleep over and has asked for months she finally said yes so I asked for her to be able to sort a date for the 6 year old too as she’s too been asking. She got mad and said right no the other isn’t stopping you might as well leave? Like what? I take her shopping I take her to see her own mother doctors dentist hairdressers you name it I do it and she carnt have 1 child just once? She refused while I had a miscarriage last year to help. Am I wrong to wash my hands of her? She also said nasty things to 6 year olds face
Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. Would I be in the wrong to cut my mom off?
would she even notice or care? Have you told her how you feel?
Drop her like hat !! I did it and the peace is awesome
I definitely would not cut my mom off, I’d stop asking her
Ask her why first and see what her answer is even though it might not Make a difference but at almost you will have a answer as to why
Wash your hands of her 11 grandchildren the them if they need me I. There she is selfish
She wouldn’t have to talk ugly to my six-year-old but one time should never have another opportunity to do it again
Let her go. You and your kids don’t deserve that.
Bye bye karen…I would…and do no more for her either…
I think you already know what you need to do. Family can be just as toxic as a neighbor. If you don’t entirely cut ties, at least keep your distance.
No need to cut her off, just don’t be bothered with her much anymore.
Yeah you can cut her off if you want to. It’s not wrong to cut toxic people out of your life
Absolutely she is toxic
Maybe she needs to see a doctor
My mother is toxic…as in she is a Narcissist. I cut her off Just before Christmas and went no contact. It’s a journey to healing but it is worth it. MY CHILDREN are the most important and I will protect them at all costs. Narc Mom’s become Narcissistic Grandmother’s Let her go:v:
Cut her off you’ll be fine
Stop being a so available to her. I don’t know many grandmothers that don’t want to spoil and see their own granyoungins that’s just wrong.
Nope wash away it’s what’s best for all of you
That’s very sad.try to have a heart to heart talk with her first… she missing alot by her choice.does she have a disability? 6 year old maybe too hard for her to keep up with?
Stop doing anything for her. I wouldn’t want my kids around her. No
Sounds like we have the same mother…
No you’re not wrong at all. Keep things as is or end all contact. Don’t ask her again and don’t let the kids go alone to see her.
i agree with mama sisi just dont be available to her when she wants you to run her here and there and on a side note when ever she does contact you and wants you at her beck and call say you have plans because your wonderful in laws have been begging to have the kids stay over and you want to have a date night with your hubby
I understand that. I basically just make sure my mother is still alive and that about it. I don’t bother to force her to be part of my little family’s lives. She can make the effort and be civilized or be cut from our lives
Seems a lot if this story is missing
Cut all ties, she only wants what benefits her. Sorry she is like that, especially to the kids. good luck
Toxic is toxic and u have ever right to remove anything toxic from you life, whether it’s family or friends.
Why would you want your kids around her?
I had to cut my husband mother off to our son, because she was very toxic, she was fine in the beginning, and then just got nasty towards him, and neither me or my husband were going to tolerate it. She wasn’t there the first five years of his life, came in for about six months, and left again and haven’t seen her since. The only people my son really knows is my side of the family, mostly my mom and my dad and my sister and her husband and my niece and her little brother. That’s it. Other then that, he doesn’t really know anyone outside of that little circle that he feels safe with, we’ll that I feel safe with him being around. I mean he knows my aunt and uncle in Ohio, because I call and talk to them on a daily basis. But other then that. It is just us.
Toxic is toxic family or not. My girls are 8 and 5 cut my mom completely out. That’s exactly how she was.
You and your children deserve better
Toxic is toxic, no matter who it is. I banned my toxic brother from my life and my kids’ lives.
yep time to cut apron strings let her find someone else to cater to her shes useing you shell keep on as long as you let her
I wouldn’t cut her off but I would limit any interaction. And I would t help her anymore.
That’s so sad
Couldn’t imagine not being around my grandkids
Apparently she needs you more than you need her. I wouldn’t cut her out completely but I would stop being available when she needs you.
No you’re not wrong. Is this even a real question? You’re the parent that’s abuse from a grandparent. Cut it out!
I had to cut my father off for my own health!
Depends how the six year old is ,it may be too much physically to keep the six year old over night
Disconnect with this troll of a woman . she obviously wants nothing to do with the kids . I’d say bye bye
Need new friends tell her you to take a cab
Probably best right now or if or when she changes I would keep them away especially the 6 year if she says stuff to her wish u luck
Not at all and stop doing for her and you will find you will be less stressed
I cut my mother out of my life for completely different reasons, but I’m so much happier. Family doesn’t mean anything if the person is toxic
I wouldn’t subject my kids to someone who didn’t want them around or treated them unfairly nor would I sacrifice my time with my kids to cater to that person
See ya! Close that toxic woman out of your life.
I had to cut my mom off sometimes it’s not worth it
As sad as it sounds, the best thing for you and your children is to cut her off, I’m not sure how she was as a mother, but it certainly doesn’t sound like she’s very motherly at all. We have to do what’s best for our children and sometimes that means cutting off toxic family members. I for one have a 23 year old son and a 25 year old daughter and I can’t wait to eventually become a grandmother, but sometimes not every mother is like that. Do what is best for your family and let someone else run her where she needs to go, just because she’s your mom does not entitle her to free rides etc
Nope Cut Her TF OFF … Shes a NARCCIST and they do not change EVER … Do it now so the its not prolonged agony … Best decision i ever made for myself Good Luck
Some women are mom and grandma in title alone. She sounds like one. I’m sorry you’re going through this. But yes I agree it is best for you and your children if she were cut off.
Sounds like your in-laws are great parents to you and grandparents to the kids. Cherish them <3
I couldn’t imagine that… my mom, and dad have been apart of my kids lives nearly every single day of their lives… (17, 14 and 5) she see them EVERYDAY… maybe 1 day a week they don’t… but they’ll stop by after work even just for 5 mins… my mom babysits anytime I ask her too… sometimes multiple days a week, she loves it. My 5 year old sleeps at her house every 2nd Friday. My mom even watches them for weekends, or even a week straight when we take our trips. They’re both in their 60’s and couldn’t imagine days, weeks without seeing their grandkids.
Daughters Recovering from Toxic Family Relationships with The Undone Mama
You don’t have to cut her off, just don’t be available when she calls unless it’s an emergency! Kids deserve a Grandma who really cares and doesn’t have to bag for attention or not touch anything! Just don’t correspond with her! It’s hard to do sometimes but they have to understand you have limit’s just how much you will take when comes to your children!
My husband cut his mom off because she was toxic so no you wouldn’t. We haven’t talked to his mom since 2018 and we have been so much better off
Sadly ppl feel they can treat u however bc of the word “family” if someone is being toxic to u or your kids, walk away from them…and pray for them from afar.
Yup I’d take a leave of absence and have her realize that she needs you too much and until certain things change don’t go around
Give yourself some space. If the desire to be with her daughter and grand kids doesn’t come naturally from day one, then her loss. Maybe she’ll get the hint when YOU don’t take the initiative to engage in her needs. If she physically is in poor health and not able to babysit is one thing. Finding a way to involve your the company and enjoy the visits is vital. I pray she comes around before it’s too late.
Nope. You say bye to anybody if it ever comes down to your own or your children’s feelings being hurt by said person. Especially your own mother. That’s toxic behavior (blood or not). Don’t waste your time or your children’s because they will only be left disappointed in the long run by her flaking/rude remarks and all in all not feeling wanted by their own grandmother.
Just cause she is your mom doesn’t mean you owe her anything if she isn’t a good grandmother and talks nasty about your children you or the children don’t need her in your lives cut her out of your lives asap.
She sounds extremely toxic. I would suggest trying to discuss counseling possibly with her or telling her straight out you can’t let that toxicity in your life anymore. I cut family including my own mother out in 2014. I grew to be a better person and much happier.
I was already with her house rules and even if you didn’t have great in laws just the fact that she let you down during a traumatic event (miscarriage) is enough for me to say fuck it. Don’t cater to her or reach out to her. She will reach out to you when she needs something of course that’s usually how it goes by say that you’re busy
I’m surprised you haven’t cut her off already. Your kids don’t need that kind of toxicity in their lives.
Nah, I’d disown her too. She’s toxic.
My sons ex won’t let me see my grandkids because there dad got in trouble and went to prison now it all my fault and my sons after she raised them to be bad kids and they had the cops called on them
Maybe youre mother needs help. Maybe dig a little deeper first, has anything happened to her recently? Has she ever suffered from a mental illness of any kind? Has she been ill?
Instead of cutting my mom off, I limited the time I spent with her. I will say she and my dad were wonderful grandparents to my son. She was just very toxic to me, her only child.
I’m a Grandparent & couldn’t imagine this type of behavior-I’m so sorry !!!
Do what’s best for your family !!!
Cut her out completely she is ungrateful and your kids deserve so much more.
I had to cut both my brother and sister out of my life. I wasn’t going to take their mental abuse anymore. So all of a sudden I was a bitch. It’s been 4 years and I don’t regret it at all. Do what you have to do for your kids feelings. Your mother should know better and I doubt she’s going to change at this point in her life.
So sad she’s missing out on wonderful things
Praying she comes around
I had to cut all my family off which included my mother. being completely honest I feel I’m in a much better state mentally and yes it sucks when my kids ask about grandma, grandpa, aunts and uncles but I know it’s for the best, they’ll understand with time that u did it for their good.
If you feel it’s toxic that is your feeling and it is totally an acceptable reason to take what action you see fit for the sake of you and your kids.
I love my grandchildren and they will always be welcome in our home. I have a 3 year old, a 6 year old and our 13 year old spending the night tonight. I had a toxic grandmother. I never spent the night in her home, hardly visited. I didnt shed a tear when she died.
Wow I would not even have your children CALL HER GRANDMA. SHE. IS A SICK SICK PERSON YOU OWE HER NOTHING
Did your Mom act that disinterested in you?
Keep toxic out of ur life. Especially your kids’.
Nah cut her off
Definitely cut her off … I had to cut my in-laws off! Best thing I ever did
I have a toxic mother and I cut her for an entire year. Would have been longer but she eventually started apologizing and begging me for forgiveness. I’m letting her back in slowly but keeping her at arms length. People will treat you bad if you allow it so stop allowing it!
It’s for the best that she doesn’t have your children over. I’d also stop doing things for her.
wash your hands of her…
That’s awful. Don’t expose your kids to that toxic nonsense. If that’s how their grandmother feels, then she deserves to lose them. Both of them. Permanently. She’s a sick woman. And she’ll regret it one day.
I’m a mother of three and I often think about when my kids will have kids and the kind of grandmother I will be. I’d want to see them often and live nearby and help as much as I could. I think if she doesn’t want to see them she’s just not interested in being a grandma.
Seems like you and the kids wouldn’t lose out on anything by cutting her off. Maybe less stress actually
Why wold you even want them over there if they can’t do anything??
Snip snip snipity snip .
Something must be wrong with her. Has she always been this way?
You are not wrong. Your job is to protect your babies. Kid over EVERYONE! In my opinion a child’s normal is their normal… so if you don’t bring them around her, to them that becomes normal. Having them see you fight her for affection will only cause harm. I’m very sorry that this is happening to you and them because it is simply not fair. But you can’t or won’t change her. She is obviously a bad person. Keep your kids around those who love them honey.
I’ve done the same thing I’ve cut mine off she has nothing to do with the kids I have she only wants to have something to do with her other two daughters that can’t seem to get their life straight so I’ve washed my hands of her
I’m not sure how she treats you as a mom but the issue seems to be the kids and for whatever reason she does not want a bond with Them is it right as a grandmother No you can express how it makes you and her grandkids feel but to cut her off or stop doing for you mother from the heart … don’t stress over the things you have no control over
I would not expose your children to her. If you want to make time for your Mother. Do it when your husband or another caregiver can watch your children. I would make sure if you choose to continue a relationship with her. That she understands your availability to her is based upon your schedule. Not hers! And if your time with your Mom is not a positive, respectful and loving. Stop perpetuating a toxic relationship. Spend quality time with the people that love and respect you!
I had the same thing but from the other side
We weren’t been treated with respect
Only contacted When it became too obvious
So I said if we can’t be treated with respect don’t bother
Sometimes I feel I’m damed because of this and damed when I wasn’t respected
But in the end we have our self respect
Honestly cut her off you are better off without such a toxic person in all you’re lives my mother in law asked us to move in with her in 2016 said she needed help well we moved in took over all the bills she didn’t pay towards any then when one of her her younger sons had their first child how everything changed then youngest son had his first child but she has her favourites & since become very vile towards our youngest children they are only 6 & 7 we would come in she would cover her face & mouth saying get away from me stay away from me you’re dirty I don’t see you washing you’re hands erm they wash & sanatising their hands so much they was so sore & bleeding this made them even worse & also how on earth can you see through a closed bedroom door as she started to lock herself away from us all literally had nothing to do with us & broke lock down rules to go to favourites house & would have physical contact with their child & go out to the park & play with her constantly she has since moved out & has made zero contact but has had all the others round to her new place having play dates with their children & babies but left our children out & then another younger brother came over from Ireland the other day well then the favourite rang his eldest brother my other half said mam said when you bringing the children down she hasn’t seen them for ages erm I’m sure she has you’re number & has a mouth & phone why didn’t she ring I said this is all for attention because the other brother is now over till Sunday & I said once he is gone it will go straight back to how it was she has had all this time & all the Easter holidays to make contact she hasn’t & not one of them got our children anything for Easter either but they had another get together again didn’t call or txt to invite us so I say that’s it no more & you should definitely cut her off our children know everything we haven’t hid it from them why should we they deserve to know what she is like & if they open their mouths ask why they wasn’t invited I want to see the looks on their faces because I am not going to let her make us look & sound like the bad ones here no chance & I know other half will take them down because his brother is here & he is falling for the lies but I’m not honestly don’t put up with it any longer it will only get worse & more & more vile & toxic the longer it goes on like she has to us & our children. X
I would not let my kids go around her if she cann’t do them right keep them away just to be on safe side .She would have to get someone else to take her places if she acts like that I understand that is your mom but no one would be that hateful to my kids any more
Cut her out of your life
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Cut her off now. My mother is extremely toxic & I wish I had cut ties. But she lived in another state so it wasn’t constant. She is a Jekyll & Hyde who now lives closer. My kids are grown but she yells at my 6 year old grand child one minute then acts sweet for a fleeting moment. I know she’s sick but she does know right from wrong & does not respect boundaries. I should have stood up sooner. Please don’t allow your mom to steal your & your family’s peace & self esteem
You’re not in the wrong. I’ve been no contact with my family for a year and its been amazing.
I do get sad when I want to call them and tell them something important but then reality slaps me in my face and reminds me why I don’t want them in my life.
When one of my kids was really sick with pneumonia and sepsis, I still didn’t call them. 🤷🏾♀
I would drop the rope.