I’ll be staying home with my kids this summer. My boyfriend just mentioned his child staying with me as well Said child does not listen, is very disrespectful and does not get along with my children. Would I be in the wrong if I told him I did not want to keep his child while he works?
Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. Would I be in the wrong to tell my boyfriend I do not want to watch his child?
If you’re in a relationship with someone and don’t treat their children as if they are your own, you need to rethink your relationship. 
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Does the kid live with you guys? Who watches it normally? I need more context I think but I feel like absolutely you’re not in the wrong if the child is disrespectful and causes issues and chaos for you and your children. You could have some compromise and maybe watch the child sometimes or maybe a day or a few a week but it is not your responsibility 
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I’m sorry but yes. My boyfriend watches my oldest ( not his) and even my nephews why would it bother you to watch his child? He would do it for you I bet.
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You’s won’t last long
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I thought kids come with the package of the partner ??? Or is that only women? Seems a bit hypocritical
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Personally im on the fence. Noone wants to watch someone elses disrespectful child. But your boyfriend is a package deal also… so its a hard one
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I’d be annoyed yep. Once you’re with the parent then you’re with the kid/s
But I mean,this is pretty vague so🤷♀️
I thought kids come with the package of the partner ??? Or is that only women? Seems a bit hypocritical
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You guys must not be serious then.
Kids are a package deal. If you guys are serious then yes, you’re wrong. Eventually his kid will be your step kid so you guys must not be serious.
Kids are disrespectful for many reasons and most of the time it’s on their parents so 
Why not be a positive influence.
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Why be with someone if you can’t handle the child?
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My suggestion is sit down with your boyfriend and discuss with having a conversation with his child that the child is to follow the rules and respect you or their will consequences, such as taking tv time away, etc. But he has to follow through with it. You need to be allowed to send the child to room if not listening for time out. A child can sense if they aren’t wanted. You chose to be in the relationship and you took the child as a package deal.
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You’re not a babysitter for him unless he watches your kids for him. If you guys are just dating there’s nothing wrong with setting boundaries for stuff like that.
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You should not be with your boyfriend
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Somewhat yes. Do you live together?
If you are in a relationship w someone with children you need to be able to accept them as yours and love them just as much if you can’t do that do the man a favor and leave
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I understand where ur coming from and I probably wouldn’t want to watch the kid either but thinking long term if the kid is a problem now he/she probably will be down the road too… can’t see the relationship going very far if you don’t enjoy being around his kid
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If you see this being long term, you should probably talk to him and maybe set some boundries and have a talk with child about behavior and whats expected. Because his child will be yours too if you stay together. When i worked at a school and would have “difficult” kids. Id ask myself how would i want MY child treated in this situation. And i found that really helpful.
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Only if you can work out the boundaries of your parenting role. If he expects you to watch his kid, who you’ve stated doesn’t get along with your kids and is disrespectful, then the rules need to be clear as far as how you can raise and discipline that child while they’re with you. If not then he’s going to have to figure something else out. Y’all are not married so there’s no definite rule about this.
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If you guys live together, then yes your in the wrong. If you date someone with a child they should be a package deal.
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Maybe he needs someone to show him how to be respectful, and how to get along with others, love and understanding and getting to know the child will go a lot further it will be a huge struggle in the beginning but most of the time that’s because someone else stopped caring and gave up maybe give it a go and talk to your boyfriend and tell him you’re willing to watch him if you’re allowed to step up and step in and show his child the love and compassion and tough love needed to help get his child to a better place
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Obviously you just see him as your bf’s son and not future step son. You all must not be in a serious relationship. Why would you have that dad pay for a sitter when you’re already home?
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You should probably do the dad a favor and move on. He doesn’t need anyone who only wants him in his life and not the child as well. You are just wasting his time
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So he can allow u to stay home with ur kids but he will still have to pay for a babysitter on top of paying for everything for you and ur kids? Sounds like you guys need to work on ur parenting and not just ignore or the relationship won’t last.
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Ummm so I get that it is NOT your child, but IF you two are serious and wanting to PLAN A FUTURE together then YES! You should be treating his child/children just like your own and NOT treating them like the step child you do not want! I can see you guys not working out if you refuse to watch his child, but yet you want to be considered in a serious relationship? They are a package deal and he could easily say he doesn’t want to watch YOUR children of you ever asked him to! You should definitely think about EVERYTHING and decide if you are wanting to spend your life with this person or not and if not then you should go ahead and be VERY CLEAR and tell him sorry, but I don’t want to watch your child or be considered the step mom
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Staying home this summer (opposed to what?). Teacher? Is he supporting so you can stay home? How long have you been dating?
Sounds like you should never had moved in with each other I’d your wasn’t serious about accepting his child. And from the sounds of it, you treat the child differently then your own… their is always a reaction from a child for a reason. Maybe it’s the child’s way of expressing their feelings.
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This is exactly why I refused to ever get involved with someone with children 
the Cinderella effect is real and was never gonna put myself in a position to reject someone else’s children and have that level of negative impact on their little lives
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If he’s paying your bills than yea you’d be the ahole.
Depends. If roles were reversed would you ecpect him to watch yours?
Anytime my significant other tells me not to bring my children around then that would be the last he would see of me. It’s a package deal. If you guys get serious how’s that going to work out when you single his kid out. Don’t even think that the child don’t pick up
On that. Best be looking for a guy that doesn’t have kids and hopefully that he will treat your good.
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You are not just dating a man you’re dating a man with a child and you are a mother with children. If you can’t make it work and include his son you might as well call it quits now. You’re a package deal and so is he. Maybe just having a conversation with him and talk about your parenting styles and discuss behavior and if you can’t get talk through this like I said might as well end the entire relationship because it’s not okay to just not include his child
Learn to love the child and help him rather than resent him. Especially if you want this relationship to last. How would you feel
If he was this was about your children?
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How long have you been together? I think if your not living together it should be a discussion rather then him assuming.
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If he’s maintaining your 
so you can stay home? If yes, absolutely! But if you’re a teacher who’s off for the summer nahh… btw he’s a package deal wether his kid gets along with yours or not!!!
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What would you do if it was your kid? See when yall go with men/women who have kids already it’s a package. Stop trying to with half the plan. Tell him though because I just get the vibe you don’t like the kid. Kid don’t need another person making them feel less than enough and throwing negative vibes on them.
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Maybe, that’s just what this kid needs is to spend time with you and your kids, to get to know each other, everyone owes everyone a fare shot. Step kids are difficult I know, I have a step son who is unruly and my oldest was also the same way. Things are getting better, you find common ground and respect with the kid, how good is the relationship with your boyfriend and his kid ?
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I’m guessing he goes to work to support yourself and your children. What’s wrong with one more, I mean his taken on your children. Have a different mind set and use it as bonding time, take the kids out even if no money is spent. Show the child you care and his actions may be different. 
Enjoy the summer holidays.
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I would say it would depend on where you are in your relationship if you are not living together meaning you both reside in separate households then I would say no it’s not wrong. If your living together then it’s wrong but it’s also wrong if the child is disrespectful so you two should sit down and have a conversation with ideas on how to fix the issue if you want the relationship to work out.
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Negativity breeds negativity and once u see it, it will grow. You will see every little thing and it will be a much bigger deal. Kids will disagree, kids will test boundaries, if a kid feels unwanted or less than their peers they will act negative.
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You being his partner should be watching his child with your , discipline is there for a reason ,believe me the child would feel the tension which is why the child would play up for you , he may not have anyone else , he shouldn’t have to find anyone else, and he still has to work
I’m guessing he goes to work to support yourself and your children. What’s wrong with one more, I mean his taken on your children. Have a different mind set and use it as bonding time, take the kids out even if no money is spent. Show the child you care and his actions may be different.
Enjoy the summer holidays.
Yea. He needs to get away from you, for sure. What would you expect to happen if you got married and that child became your step child? Yikes.
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Well sounds like you want the bull but not the beef that comes with it. Sounds like you need to figure it out because if you can’t accept this child as one of your own maybe he senses that and that’s why he acts out.
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Nah I don’t think it’s fucked up. If the kid is disrespectful why would you want him teaching that sort of behavior to your kids? Everyone has their own opinion but I don’t think you’re in the wrong at all
Please don’t date people with children if you’re not going to accept their child as your own….
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I’m guessing he goes to work to support yourself and your children. What’s wrong with one more, I mean his taken on your children. Have a different mind set and use it as bonding time, take the kids out even if no money is spent. Show the child you care and his actions may be different.
Enjoy the summer holidays.
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When my bfs kid would come visit I’d treat him the same as how I treat my son… if he asks me for money I’d give it to him… I knew when we got together his other boy would come around… but I didn’t mind
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Girl just end the relationship and be single
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Do you live together? Do you split bills? Is he paying for you to stay home? Are you in a serious relationship? If you are in a serious relationship then his child will be your chid also.
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Why are you dating him, if you don’t like his child?
When you are a single parent, parenting should always come first, so never ever bring someone into a child’s life that is not in full support of your kids. You need to tell your boyfriend that you don’t want to care for his child, like your own! So he can move on.
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Damn how you not gunna accept his child as your own. Good job step mommy, not.
I’d tell him he has to reinforce to his son that you’re an authority figure and he needs to respect you and your kids, and be kind and then everything is cool, but if he can’t, then it won’t work
It’s a package deal. He’s there for you and your children you should be there for him and his.
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If you’re gonna be with him, you should be treating his child as your own. So if y’all get married, you’re gonna watch your kids but not his? Yikes. That poor kid probably feels like you don’t like to watch him. Sad.
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When you date someone with kids those kids are part of the deal , if you dose not live together you might get away with it , but if you in fact are then you need to have a serious conversation about it, the kid will be a part of your life you like it or not.
Maybe the kid is just jealous and showing him that he is welcome and as important as your kids are might help the with them situation
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Will you be contributing to the bills while you stay home this summer? Don’t tell me he will be paying majority of the bills and you have a problem with this. Either way you shouldn’t be with a man who has a young kid if you’re going to throw a fit about watching your boyfriend’s kid.
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Depends if boyfriend lives with you
My kids and my partners kids don’t all get along at times but when I got with him I was full aware he had 3 kids and I’d have to learn to love and care for them as my own. He went to work yesterday and I cared for our 5 children all day.
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Did you just meet this guy?
Flip the table. How would YOU feel if your partner said to you he doesn’t want your children around as they’re rude, disrespectful and don’t get on with his son ? If that makes you uncomfortable, that’s your answer.
Kids are a package deal, as a mother I’d hope you understand this. If you aren’t willing to accept his son like your own, that relationship isn’t going anywhere.
Lmfaoo the audacity!! You want a man with kids but you don’t want his kid? Imagine if he said he didn’t want your kids!! Nah he needs to dump you, like yesterday!
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Where’s the mother ?? & why you together if children don’t get along ? 
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No relationship is going to work if this is the mindset with their kid
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It’s a package deal in my eyes
Does the child not have a mother? Does he have custody? I think you better really look at this situation. Sounds like his child is troubled. Your children are probably not, but they will be if they stay around his.
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If you are still in separate homes you have every right to tell him that you are going to have your hands full with your own children and their summer activities, and really just want to spend time with them. If y’all live together, I don’t see asking you to as out of line.
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If you expect a future with a man who has kids, it’s a package deal. You’ve got to learn to love whatever kids he has, too.
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yo let him go. He can do way better.
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If he takes on your children then you have no choice but to take on his.
We all have some kind of excess
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You can go on ahead and pack those bags ms. He won’t be missing you.
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Tell him. And hopefully he will leave you. My guess is, he’s working so you can stay at home with your kids. How’s it fair for him to support you and your kids and you won’t even watch his while he works? SMH. I truly hope he leaves you and you have to get a job and no one will watch your kids bc “they don’t listen” 
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I assume you’re expecting this relationship not to go anywhere? Reject his child SHOULD mean that you’re rejecting him.
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Kids come as a package deal if you only want part of the package then that’s your sign to excuse yourself
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Nah, you’re not in the wrong. Your feelings matter.
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Nope not in the wrong, but you better add onto that talk that you’re leaving him too.
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Umm… Yall are bf and gf. Do you plan on ever moving in together or possibly getting married or what not? You knew he had a kid probably before you even got with him. If you’re not ready to step up and accept his child then you’re not ready to be in a blended relationship. He is working so his kid has to be with someone. It is time to show his kid some love and possibly be the person that needs to teach him boundaries, rules, and discipline. It is a Package Deal in my eyes. Yall may be in separate homes now but will it be like that the whole relationship??? You need to start learning how to handle a full house with your kids and his kid as a blended family.
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I’ve been in this situation. I gave it a shot, but I also set agreed rules with dad & if they weren’t followed. Then I told dad he needed to make other arrangements.
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My boyfriend has 4 children, I have 2. We got together when his divorce was still fresh. His oldest and youngest had it in their mind that mom n dad were going to get back together. We had a sit down with all 6 children and explained the situation to them. Maybe that’s what you and your fella need to do.
It helped us. <3
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How long have you been together? Are you serious? Either way I think you need to take a step back and reevaluate your relationship. If you already feel this way about his child how are you going to feel when you live together.
When people ask me how many children I have. I say 3. Although I only actually gave birth to 1 I still have 3. In my relationship not only did I gain a boyfriend I gained 2 children. And of you don’t see those kids that way you shouldn’t be together.
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Yikes yeah if you don’t treat his child as your own you have no business being with him
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I always say… if u can’t accept someone else’s child don’t date dudes with children. It won’t last forever cause deep down ul always dred when he has his kid around. Just move on find a guy without a kid. There’s women who can be a step mom and some women who just can’t. Don’t waste each other’s times or traumatize all the children who have to be involved watching their moms and dads date tons of different people. It’s unstable
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If you are looking for a long term relationship with this man then his child is part of this. You need to develop a relationship with the child now to avoid problems with b/f in the future.
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So, why are you in a relationship that you cannot treat a child like your own?
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Yes, if you are not up for getting to know his child better or spending time with his kid. Then you should just leave now. When you get into a relationship with someone who has a kid it’s a package deal.
I always ask myself… Would you like it if someone acted in a certain way towards your kids?
Maybe he needs the love and affection and he needs to feel that he is still welcome at his dads place.
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If u plan on having a future with him his kid is part of the package. And if the roles were switched would it bother u if he said the same. Maybe talk to him about it and set expectations for the child and see how it goes.
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Absolutely not. !!!
Move on then , their a package deal…you knew he had a kid when you met him…as he knew you had kids as well.
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Are you allowed to discipline his child? Does he? Maybe being there full time you’ll be able to get his behaviors under control? There’s a lot of info needed tho before I can say you’re right or wrong in my opinion.
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Nope. Daycare for one is $2,500 a month & they are required to behave!
They come as a package deal
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Ummm i think there’s bigger issues here.
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No why cause an atmosphere with your kids, he should understand that his child has a problem sadly he needs to get help from someone else, if he loves you he will respect your wishes and get things sorted out.
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Your feelings do matter and I would bring your concerns to his attention. Perhaps set ground rules or explain how you set discipline with your children that would be the same for his child. However, as many have pointed out, dating with children is like a package deal. Even though said child may be hard to handle, it’s still your boyfriends child. If you don’t care to watch his child then I would say you need to probably reevaluate your relationship. Perhaps the child has been through a lot lately and is acting out (Example: if the mother is absent or if the child has seen or been involved with emotionally stressing situations) and just needs stability
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If you’re going to be with a man who has a child you accept that child. How would you feel if he said that to you about your children. This is disgusting
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Yes. Treat that child like your own. With him is the child but not taking the kid you don’t deserve the guy.
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Do everyone involved the best favor you can and break up with him!
Seriously!
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Then why are you with him he is a package if you don’t like what is in his package then you need to end the relationship now today pronto period !!!
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I wouldn’t invite misery in my home.
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