I’m almost 23 and have three boys and one on the way due in September. My SIL called me about two months ago saying she needed a sitter because her other one got injured and couldn’t care for her two daughters anymore. I said id help as long as I could, but it would be tough seeing as how I barely keep food in the house. At first, she sent baby food for her youngest and snacks for the oldest, and I cooked dinner every night. She stopped for whatever reason, and I was now trying to feed breakfast lunch and dinner to 5 children and whatever snacks they wanted. I was supposed to get around 5o every two weeks when she got paid but didn’t end up seeing anything. I let it go because I know she needs help. She is well aware I’m pregnant and knows I have a high-risk pregnancy, so I see my dr often. I tell her when my appts are and the last one she told me I was putting her where she could lose her job. I told her I was sorry, but I do have things I have to do also. My husband works full time, and our car couldn’t handle all five kids if I had to go somewhere, and I can’t carry an 11mo and 15mo baby at the same time plus hold the 7 5 and 4 yr olds hands. My husband told me to tell her I can’t do it anymore because its a stress to me and the baby, but I don’t want to leave her hanging if she truly doesn’t have another option. I don’t want bad blood between me and any part of his family… What should I do? Would I be the bad guy if I tell her i can’t watch them anymore? Thank you for any advice you have to offer
She’s a grown adult she can find a babysitter you need to take care of you and your children first tell her that you can’t watch them if she’s gets mad let her beside she wasn’t paying you so you can’t afford to feed all of them think bout yourself and your health
I would tell her you need the things she stated she would give you to do it or you couldn’t anymore. I don’t think you’re being unreasonable at all.but if it’s your sister in law and your husband wants you to stop he should have that conversation with her not you
I don’t think you’re the bad guy at all. You have your hands full and you helped her for 2 months. No need to stress yourself and you’re family financially. I’d just give her two weeks to find herself another sitter.
Nope give her 2 weeks notice that you are done
Uh, hubby can talk to her and deal with it.
No. You have a family to care for and that is your priority. I feel like shes talking advantage of your generosity and you’re to kind hearted to stand up for yourself. You have to say something…
You’re nicer than I am. I would’ve stopped that a long time ago. I’d help as much as possible, but you stated that in the beginning with her; “as long as you could”. Well, now you can’t anymore and it’s impeding on your own life/health and your unborn baby’s health. She should’ve been looking for other options this whole time, knowing your free childcare was temporary. Also, expecting you to feed 3 meals a day to 2 kids on top of your own kids is CRAZY! She’s taking advantage of you, your husband, and the situation. Just my opinion 
I don’t believe in lying but tell her the dr told you not to be babysitting. I totally agree with your husband. Give her a 2 week notice like Jeana said.
She should be taking care of her own children, and she obviously only cares about herself seeing as she can’t even supply food for her poor kids… tell her you love her kids but you need to put yourself and your kids first now.
While I feel sorry for her children, It’s clear your SIL doesn’t respect your situation.Nothing wrong with you setting boundaries and hope you do so especially with you having a high risk pregnancy and your own family to consider.
This was supposed to be temporary. She was short changing you on payment as I can 100% guarantee she was paying the other sitter more. She should have been looking for a permanent nanny. You need to say that she has 30 days to find a new sitter, and that you also can no longer afford to feed her kids.
Tell her to find daycare asap your unable to continue. Better yet that’s your husbands sister tell him to say something
No, just explain that it’s getting to be too much and you’re tired. She’s been pregnant, she should understand. Maybe let her know she has a few weeks to find someone else. But give an end date and see how she takes it.
You and your kids come first. Shes not paying or helping with food. Tell her to kick rocks.
Tell her now give her 2 weeks to find someone else
I would make your husband talk to his sister for you. She clearly isn’t respecting you and it sounds like she’s taking advantage of you. But, it might be easier to get it fixed by having her brother talk to her than yourself.
Be the “bad guy” and put your little family first. You will not regret it. She’s taking advantage of you financially and manipulating you because she can. Stand up for yourself and your children.
Um that’s your husbands job to talk with her !!
Your family’s needs come 1st. End of story.
No. You you are in the right to put yourself and your family first. It seems like she is just slowly taking advantage of you more and more.
Get him to tell her. She needs to put them in daycare
Give her a time limit. She should be able to hire someone! You need to worry about ypu & your baby! Apparently, she isn’t providing you with food or $$ to purchase any, she knows she is taking advantage of you! If you can’t tell her, have your husband do it! My sil watched my daughter, I paid her $150.00 per week. (My daughter is now 28, I don’t worry any more, lol) good luck!
She is taking advantage of you do you think the last babysitter did it for free and provide kids food. Tell her your done.
If it’s stressing you and the baby your not in the wrong I completely understand where you are coming from I have 2 small ones and 3 older ones 6,10,and 13 and it seems like people think bc your a sahm You don’t have work to do and kids are easy and that’s for from the truth especially if your having to feed the extra ones on your own without the help
If she isn’t paying you or even sending enough food to feed her kids she’s the bad guy in this situation, she’s taking advantage of you and seems to have no concern for the fact you have your own life and children.
Put yourself and your kids first! Her kids are her responsibility not yours. You’re doing her a favor even when she isn’t holding up her end of the deal and she’s still complaining. No, cut her off. If she gets mad let her. She’s in the wrong.
You really should just have an honest conversation with her… going into it knowing you aren’t backing down from continuing to watch them but try to talk out a plan so you don’t just leave her with no childcare. Any logical mom should understand where youre coming from and appreciate the communication.
shes taking advantage of you and has no care in how you are feeling. you have to do what’s right for your health and family.
Give her 2 week notice to find another sitter.
She needs to be paying you or providing food for one thing. That’s not okay.
If it’s putting to much stress on you then I’d just tell her that.
I would however give her a week or two to find other arrangements so there’s no bad blood. Make her provided food or money during the notice
She’s used you long enough. Time to just step up and say it. 2 weeks notice you can longer watch them, if she doesn’t accept. Take the girls to her work and drop them too her and walk out. She will then have no choice to do her own work
Tell her to start helping, you should be getting paid for watching them. Come up with a price. If she can’t then you gotta tell her to find someone else.
Nope not wrong at all. Your story sounds so similar to what I went thru but it was with my friend. Now me n her ain’t talking sad to say.
You husband should tell her!
No! Tell her you can’t anymore. I had to do the same thing. If you can’t handle watching her kids then don’t. If you want to give her a date to find someone new by. You have to put the well being of you and your family first! If she gets mad about that it isn’t your fault
I’d make your husband tell her. It’s his sister 
This happens with my sister and I. Even when I shower her proof that she didn’t pay me for some of the days I worked, she refused to pay me. I wished I had been mot confrontational and stood my ground. We no longer speak for other reasons but this situation btw us definitely didn’t help!
You need to take care of your and your family first! It is not your responsibility to take care of her and her kids, she will figure something out.
That’s unbelievable. I always make sure my babysitter is good. On food I would take 2 grocery bags full of snack and lunch items at the beginning of the week plus anything else she needed, paying her on time, helping her get to her appointments cause she doesn’t have a car. That’s the person looking after my babies and I want to make sure she knows how much I appreciate it.
Is she paying you to babysit? Is she giving you money for food for her children?? Speak up! Don’t let her take advantage of you.
To be honest if you high risk I would stop. Some people shouldn’t be selfish and she can figure it out. It’s not your responsibility its hers to make sure she has a sitter. So don’t feel like your the bad guy. Your baby and your life is more important
Knowing you’re high risk she should have been using you as a temporary solution and trying to find another babysitter in the mean time. Tell her she needs to start trying to find someone else.
Theres a difference between needing help and taking advantage. Even if you agreed to watch them she should always have a back up babysitter for occasions when you need to do something else. It’s not your fault if she loses her job. Shes the mom, she needs to make sure her kids are put first and taken care of no matter what situation arises. I was a single mom for awhile and I had 3 babysitters. A main one and 2 back up ones just in case. Theres no excuse for her to try to guilt you. Also, be more direct that you need food for them or money to buy food. There shouldn’t be bad blood if you have an honest discussion with her about what you expect. If she declines to make the effort then it’s on her.
Absolutely not. She’s taking advantage of you, and being disrespectful on top of that by trying to make you feel guilty for doing what you have to for you and your baby’s health. And even if she wasn’t, you have to take care of your family first. Her problems are hers and hers alone, and you have every right to step back and focus on you.
Give her a notice just to prevent a quick cut off to her kids. But, dont feel bad for putting your health and kids first. She should have honestly started looking for someone else to babysit a long time ago with you being pregnant. That’s tough, I commend you for helping as long as you did.
Hon, no one will treat you in ways you don’t allow. You and your children are the priority. Hugs <3
You have to put you and your family first.
You need to put your foot down. Enough is Enough. Just tell her she needs to find someone else to help. You have your hands full lady, how you managed to last this long idk. You have to think about your family and yourself. If she doesn’t understand then she is selfish, and you don’t need that kind of negativity right now. Good luck to you and your family.
To me, it sounds like your SIL has been taking advantage of the situation. You’ve done your ‘sisterly duty’ & some but, it doesn’t sound like she’s looking at anyone else’s situation but her own… I would let your husband talk to his sister & give her a two weeks notice to find another sitter/daycare for her kids. Many states have programs that help single parents or low income households pay a portion, or most, of child care services as long as the parent is working.
Congratulations on the newest addition & good luck to you all!
You have all right to tell her you can’t do it anymore especially being pregnant and her not giving you anything at all. As for her giving you attitude about your doctors appointment, shame on her
I’m sorry she’s in a tough spot, but her children aren’t your responsibility.
Tell your husband to talk to his sister if he thinks it’s to much for you!!!
You tell her. But make sure your husband is present to listen to everything you say.
She’s fully taking advantage of you. A babysitter typically costs $150/wk per kid. If she can’t afford that, and you’re okay with that, fine. But she should be paying you at least a little more and sending food, plus should not expect you to handle her kids in doctors offices. You’re in no way obligated to deal with her selfishness.
Talk about taking advantage. Tell her you are overwhelmed and high risk and not able to care for her kids anymore to please find another sitter. Problem solved. Do NOT feel bad.
Give her a 2 week notice
She’s already creating bad blood by making those comments to you. You’re doing her a favor when you can and she doesn’t seem to understand that. She’s not even paying you like she said she would. No matter how well meaning you are, she’s gonna take it the wrong way. Do what’s best for yourself because she’s doing what’s best for her. Give her a 1-2 week notice…let her decide if she wants to be ungrateful. Best wishes.
Give her 2 weeks or so notice. Tell her to look into childcare help through assistance office. They’ll pay a sitter once a month or something based on an agreed hrly pay and the payment will go straight to sitter.
Worry about you and yours and not his family…tell her it’s too much. She’s taken advantage of you. I woulda quit two weeks in lol.
Wow!!! How would you be the bad guy. She has put a lot on you… yes she is causing you stress and I agree with your husband. I wouldn’t add more to it. You have to take care of you and yours first and she isn’t even helping you take care of hers.
If it’s awkward for you, why don’t you get your husband to talk to her. They’re his kids as well and also it’s HIS sister so leave it up to him.
No, you have done her a favor for long enough. She’s not holding up her end of the deal by paying you/providing some food. She’s just taking advantage of you at this point. Telling her you can’t anymore is for the benefit of yourself and your children who always come first. You are not a jerk for knowing your limits and sticking with them.
So what is she supposed to do when you have the baby? She can figure it out. Give her notice and stick to it.
I mean… shit… she could at least provide her own damn kids with food or pay something
Shes taking advantage 50 every two weeks is not ok 20 a day for one kid with food provided is what I charge. Drop her shes using and abusing your services! Have her brother tell her too its his sister.
Honey you need to put you and your kids first. You and that precious little one you are growing do not need this extra stress and she seems to have become ungrateful about it all and has no intentions on finding a new sitter until you put your foot down. I would kindly tell her that your doctor doesn’t think it is good for you to be caring for extra children and that you need any extra rest you can get and that she has a two weeks to find other arrangements.
If she’s your husband’s family & he’s telling you to quite doing this favor for her then he needs to step up & tell her. You’re pregnant & dont need that stress.
Tell her she has 2weeks to find different arrangements for them
She needs to file for childcare assistance. She’s robbing you of money, time and sanity. People will only treat you the way you allow
If that’s your husband’s sister then he needs to tell her to find alternative care for HER children.
Yeah. She’s using you. Tell her to piss off
I think 2 months was enough time for her to figure something out. You’ve been very helpful and considerate from what I can tell and at this point, it seems like she’s taking advantage.
Tell her that you’re no longer available full time & to find someone else.
Maybe still keep the offer open for every now and then WHEN your available.
Then it’s on your terms & you don’t have to feel like your telling her no.
Nope do what you need to do for your family first. She’ll figure it out!
You would not be the bad guy. At some point it’s a responsibility of hers to have someone take care of her kids. I understand that it’s hard to get childcare but what if something happens to you where you can watch your kids or her kids what would she do then??. You did your part she hasn’t done hers on any part you need to take care of you and yours.
Tell her to give you $100 a week or find a new sitter!
She’s taking complete advantage of you
Maybe your husband should tell his sister to care for her own kids.
hold on hold on so you’ve told her that you don’t have food for all of the kids so she starts I’ll bring food but then stops she promised to pay you a very small amount of money to watch her children and yet you have yet to receive any of this money and you are missing your doctor’s appointments for your pregnancy and you’re worried about hurting her feelings? Girl …
Sounds like she’s gotten comfortable taking advantage of you
I would give her a two week notice that you can’t do it anymore and then start putting your health and your families health first, if your husband agrees and it’s his sister then let him take the battle on with her because you have a high risk pregnancy and your own children to worry about first
TELL HER!!! Set boundaries and stick to them. What will happen if something happens to you?!
Give her a week or two to find a sitter
I feel your pain your husband should tell her he needs to put his foot down with his sister that’s what my husband did with my own family he told them flat out they weren’t going to take advantage of me any more
She is in a bad spot but so are you. It is not right to endanger your family. Prayers for all
Talk to you SIL and let her know you can’t do it anymore and give her a certain amount of time to find someone else to watch the kids.
I would give her 2 week notice to find a new sitter. Soon you will have a newborn and she will need a sitter then.
I think she has gotten used to not paying a sitter and is abusing your willingness to help her give her 2 week notice to g9ve her time and tell her you cannot do it anymore.
My fiance mom likes to call him and ask if I can watch the kids for his sister. For free. She lives in a house she doesn’t pay rent because his parents own the house. And she doesnt pay the water bill since its not in her name. And their parents let her get away with this. But when we didnt have much and I was looking for a job, his mom said his sister could watch our daughter. But she wont do it for free. But now since we have more money she thinks I will watch her kids for free for her. I tell her no every single time. So dont feel bad, its not your fault she can’t get someone else. You are pregnant and have things to do. She has to understand that. And be an ADULT
Your husband can tell her. Imo, you shouldnt have agreed to it. That’s alot to add to ur plate without having a clear thought out and communicated plan with her.
You tell her? You? This is not your sister. This is NOT your responsibility. This is horrible that your husband saw you in these conditions and put it on you. Not okay at all. He needs to be the bad guy not you. This is his sister. He needs to say, “I’m not allowing her to do this. I need to be helping her more.” Doesn’t seem to me like anyone is caring about you at all or the impact on the unborn child. High risk pregnancy means taking it easier. Relaxing. Everyone else doing for you. This seems incorrect to you because you have been made to feel guilty if you aren’t putting your needs last. Could you do to them what they are doing to you? Breakfast lunch and dinner? 5 kids? 2 babies? One unborn high risk. These people would work you until you were dead then ask why supper isn’t ready. Hell no. No. Nooooo. Stooooopppp!!!
Tell her your doc put you on rest orders and you can no longer watch them
ID be saying to her look I’m not a child care centre I don’t have the funds to look after your kids as well as mine I don’t mean to be harsh by think you need to look for a childcare centre or a babysitter that can look after a kids when you need to go out and work as I am looking after my three I’m sorry but me and my husband do not have the money and to look after your children as well.
She is the one putting you in a tough spot. You need to take care of yourself so you can be the best momma you can be.
Tell her that the situation isn’t working anymore and you’re glad you could help out for the time you did, but she needs to find someone else.
If she throws a fit then that’s on her. You’ve done more than enough with no appreciation from her.
I’m also due in Sept so I can’t imagine taking on more babies right now 
shes taking advantage massivly…
Shes taking advantage. Dont let it happen anymore, you and babies deserve better.
Give her a two week notice so that she can make other arrangements …no need to feel guy or bad about having to stop . besides she is totally take advantage of you
Your husband needs to step up and help you tell her, then you’ll both be the “bad guys”. No need for you to tell her on your own.
You didn’t mention the nature of her other child’s injury. It doesn’t sound like it’s holding her back from anything but taking care of her kids. She works, drops in for visits whenever. Who’s taking care of the child who’s so hurt that it prevents her from parenting her other kids? I’m sorry but it sounds like your sister is using you. No you wouldn’t be a bad guy for telling her you just handle her kids both physically & financially. If she refuses to take them at least file for temp custody. That way you can get child support from her & other benefits for them (WIC, SNAP etc).
Sit her down and lay everything out just like u did here. Then tell her an end date (like u have 1 week to find someone else). Be upfront anf honest. If there is bad blood later u did all u could