I know this question might be a little different or difficult for some, and that’s okay (nothing illegal, and everyone involved is an adult). Long story short, my sister almost died at a young age and has three kids, one of which was a newborn. My parents had to make life and death decisions. I know some of the things that were decided weren’t what she wanted, and honestly, they weren’t the decisions I would have made (but it wasn’t my place to argue, just say what I thought). Since I’m unmarried, it would fall to my parents to make those choices for me. They’ve already said that they will not honor my wishes and will do anything to keep me alive even if I’ll have a poor quality of life. I want to give my best friend (who’s been around for years. I trust them, and they have named me godmother to their child) power of attorney. I’ve told my parents this, and they are not happy. They have proceeded to tell me it’s their job to make those decisions even if they go against my wishes. I know I’ll never make everyone happy in this situation. I’d just like to hear other people’s thoughts on this matter.
Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. Would I be wrong to give my best friend power of attorney over my life if something happens to me?
Do what makes u feel comfortable and happy 
if ur best friend is someone u trust and love and will honor ur wishes, then that sounds like the best thing to do
Sure, do it. Odds are you will outlive your parents anyway.
You’re looking after YOU! Nothing else should matter
Yes. Make sure you have someone who will do as YOU wish. Parents have the best of intentions, most of the time, however yours have already stated that they will not follow your wishes, so yes, I would name someone else to speak for me when I no longer could
You can do a living will and make all your own decisions
You are an adult and it’s your choice who you choose to advocate for you when you pass away. There opinion doesn’t mean a thing and if you have documented who your advocate is there is nothing your parents can do about it
Im nearly sure if you’re over 18 your wishes have to be honoured if you have it in writing, if the worst were to happen heaven forbid then the hospital have a duty of care to follow ur plan . But previous comments are so right you need soneone you can trust for when you’re unable to advocate for yourself
Give who you want power of attorney.
Idk im coming from a mother’s point of view i agree do what make u comfortable but think for a second if you pass before your parents they brought you into this world how could you not give them some rights over what to do with their own daughter I mean the grief of losing you is enough then to have to see someone else doing what they feel is their responsibility you can put your last wishes into writing and it be followed even if your parents are over it I just think as a parent I would be completely heartbroken if I wasn’t able to make sure myself that my kids were took care of if they were to pass before me…
You should decide what makes you comfortable. No question imo. I personally would want my children to decide for themselves. It’s not my place to decide for them.
You can have a living will so if anything happens your wishes are met not someone else’s.
If your over 18 then they have to follow what you advise.
Do a living will. It prevent any of that. They have to follow it. You can always do poa as a backup in case you miss anything in the living will.
As an adult u have the right to make whoever u want a stand in to follow ur wishes if u can’t make the decision yourself, I worked Healthcare for yrs and sometimes making the decision to get someone alive no matter the quality of life is worse than the person passing, u need to explain to ur parents that u only want ur wishes followed
The friend will honor your wishes, you already know your parents won’t. Trust in the friend.
You put down anyone who you trust yo keep your wishes. Your parents can argue their view until they’re blue in the face, but its about YOU not them. Dont give them that power when they very obviously dont respect your wishes.
You look after yourself and your kids, and if it is your best friend that will do what you wish then that is who needs the power of attorney. Make sure you not only give her a copy, but also record a copy in your county so it is never lost. Tell your best friend you are doing that as well in case she does ever misplace her copy.
Hire an attorney and set up a living trust with your wishes as far as medical decisions. And make a will for how you want things after your death. Once it’s notarized and legal your parents cannot go against your wishes. But only because they keep telling you that they will do whatever they want, your wishes be damned. I would give your friend power of attorney as well.
I’m a nurse. I would suggest doing what makes you feel most confident in making sure that your wishes are fulfilled. Also, make a living will.
By all means, pick someone that is going to abide by what YOU want. Your parents made it clear that they would not do so.
I would give POA to anyone that would honor your wishes. If that’s not your parents/family, then don’t do it. Yes, they would be devastated to lose you, as most would when losing a loved one but to put you through something you would never want, it’s not right.
Talk to a lawyer. Next of kin laws might outweigh your wishes. My mom named my cousin in her living will. I’m too emotional to make those decisions. We thought we had it planned legally with the hospital social worker. When it came down to it the hospital made me make the decisions because of next of kin laws. I wasn’t even fighting it. I supported her choice of my cousin.
I know this woman who was raised by a lady other than her biological mother. She did an adult adoption before her son was born so in event of something happening during labor her adoptive mom would be next of kin instead of her bio mom. She also did guardianship for her son naming her adopted mom.
I suggest you talk to a lawyer or at least research your state laws. I don’t think it’s wrong to give that responsibility to someone who will follow your wishes.
I did it. In my will my best friend is my power of attorney. Its your choice. No one else’s.
I understand exactly what you mean but from a mothers point of view they would do anything to save their child life. I would make your friends your power of attorneys as a peace of mind for yourself.
A living will would be best with what ever you’re wishes are.
You can get a living will written up that states your wishes for care and it will be followed when you are in a situation that you can’t communicate your wishes. Just make sure that the hospitals and doctors all have a copy on file.
Do what’s best for you and what you see your future being…as far as kids…with or without a husband because if you’re married then they have no legal say so in that case…along with what you trust and feel most comfortable with. I would most definitely go see a lawyer and do a will so no matter what your wishes have to be legally fulfilled…if your parents want to case a big stink after that then that’s their problem not yours.
You do what feels right to you.
My mom isn’t getting my youngest of we pass. 
If your friend is on board, do what you feel is right for you. As a parent, I get their feelings but I couldn’t disrespect my children like that.
Make a Living Will. I watched my parents bury my 24 year old brother, he passed away unexpectedly in 2011, from a heart attack in his sleep 
. My parents had to make decisions they never thought they would, thankfully none of them were medical decisions, but I have watched close friends & my fiance’s family go through what you’re saying. Go to an Attorney & have it all put in writing, what you want & who you want to be your Power Of Attorney. My parents had to make funeral arrangements, but it was something we never spoke about with my brother. So, now we all have living wills & Power of Attorneys, even if my parents don’t agree with our choices, they’re still going along with it, because it’s our lives. Once you make those decisions on paper, your parents can’t do anything. Your parents should know you wouldn’t put them through unnecessary stress. Just do what’s best for you.
I would 100% make an advanced directive or living will. It states all of your wishes regarding medical decisions. That way YOU get you choose; and it’s not left to anyone else.
You need to make a living will and have it added to your medical records. It is a legal document that states your wishes and your doctors and the hospital is required by law to follow it.
Get a living will if you feel like your parents will not follow through with your wishes and beliefs.
You can sign a medical power of attorney and a DNR with stipulations. But you definitely can make your best friend your medical power of attorney if you are incapacitated. Especially if your parents don’t want to respect your wishes.
You should give it to whoever will honor your wishes. Your parents sound toxic, horrible and selfish.
Honestly if I had adult children I would want them to choose this. I as a mom couldn’t imagine having to choose to let my child die even if that’s what they wanted. I absolutely would follow what my kids wanted but me personally don’t want that responsibility.
absolutely give it to your friend. the person who will respect your decisions is absolutely the one to trust
You can set up an advance directive with your doctor or a living will
Do what makes you happy. Especially if your parents will go against what makes you happy
I almost died from meningitis six years ago. Huge wake up call. I has to really think about what would happen to my minor children if I had died and also my adult children having to make a horrible decision. I told my aunt what I would want, God forbid. I know she will follow my wishes and spare my children from having to decide what should happen.
Not wrong at all. My ex was upset when I did that. I feel like bestie has my back when my fam will be bound by emotion/love/not wanting to let go… Etc…
I have no doubt in her ability to handle the dirty stuff.
Muna Sheekh Maxamud this is an interesting discussion
Make a living will!!! I’m currently writing things down myself because I don’t know how much life I will have. I’m diagnosed with heart failure and lung failure, not that I’m going to die that fast but still. I was married but it got annulled since my daughters dad died and judge said that we were officially married since he was using my address and all. I don’t have an issue with what the judge granted and neither does my partner because it benefitted us and still does. He was my best friend no matter what happened to us and why our relationship ended (sometimes some couples are better off as friends then being in a relationship). But I definitely don’t want my kids to be separated upon my death and my partner is learning everything I do for our kids and all just in case. I’m to a point that I want things to transition as smoothly as possible the legal way and just in case.
Make a living will and then doctors have to abide by that.
Go with who you trust. Loyalty is family.
Make a will and you can make her power of attorney. Let your parents know that it’s not because you don’t love them but because they have stated they won’t respect your wishes.
I don’t care if I have bad quality of life…if my mama wants me to live…I’m Living lol (She’s my best friend) seriously though, do what is best for you, if you feel that strongly about it, then you shouldn’t let anyone (even your parents) sway you. 
You just have to be careful with this! I know people who’s Mother raised their children for them and let their family live with her for years then as soon as they got power of attorney over her they sold off all of her assets and put her in a foster home for the elderly and she died there. It was seriously so sad! Definitely go with someone who will respect your wishes!
At the end of the day it’s your choice what happens to your own body and health needs. If your parents have already stated they won’t follow your wishes then go with someone who you can trust.
They’re not mad your not choosing them, they’re mad that they won’t be able to do what they want.
Not wrong at all. But that is a lot for someone to carry. Make sure you get it all legal, and you can legally write your wishes down and have you, her and a lawyer sign them. We just did all of this with my grandma.
I went threw this in 2018. I ended up dying and got to meet God. He made the choice to send me back. I had signed paperwork to make my sister my poa. My dad couldn’t pull the plug if he’d be put in that spot. My little sister promised if it came to it she’d do it. Parents gave you life so it’s so much harder to have to make those decisions. My doctors told me after two weeks of an induced comma I’d made a wise decision. That is part of your decisions of life. You must do what you want sometimes over what others want.
Give power of attorney to whomever you desire most especially if they will respect what you want. I wouldn’t mention too much what you want and what you’ve done to your parents. They sound irrational.
Its not their business. Its your life. And if you know you won’t be respected, it will cost your life.
I know people of all ages die but id say your power of attorney should be someone younger than your parents.
Your life your choice
If they cant follow ur wishes then ur best friend shot be the one cause she will go through with ur wishes
Not wrong at all. You absolutely should have the peace of mind that your wishes will be followed and that those types of decisions are in the hands of someone you trust to do so whether they are blood family or not
Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. Would I be wrong to give my best friend power of attorney over my life if something happens to me?
Legal POA tibrd that decision making power away from your next of kin
I was named as POA for a friend.
I don’t think it’s anyones business but yours and your POA, to be honest. I can see why it would hurt your parents, but, if I were you, I’d have my friend be my POA.
My opinion as a former Advance Care Planning Coach is to chose whomever you trust the most with honoring your wishes. Also think about if that person is capable of doing so under extremely emotional and stressful circumstances and make sure you have the hard conversations on what you want and do not want done. I would also encourage you to write down what was discussed and attach it to your directives. Not every state is a default state so research yours and find out who it would default to or if it would go to a pool of your friends and family. Either way, planning for the worse case scenario is something you’ll never regret and it will prevent any delay in care. Fill out any and all forms you want, have them notarized, keep on your fridge/glovebox/wallet/etc, make sure closest hospitals and your POA have copies, giving them to your primary care doctor is an option as well. If you were to ever redo your forms and multiple people showed up claiming to be POA, the most recent date would be honored. You can also name a secondary in case your primary could not be reached. Be careful how you fill your forms out, if you put multiple people as your primary those people would have to come to an agreement. Also having that hard convo with your parents explaining this is what I’m doing and want done, please respect that as well as I don’t want you to have to make those hard decisions at such a horrible time could hopefully help but if not, legally and medically they will have to respect your decision. My two cents Good luck!
In that case I would have my friend do it as well. Your parents have already expressed to you that they won’t honor your wishes, so while they may be mad I wouldn’t trust them. I probably wouldn’t even tell them. Just do that documents with your friend and if that time ever came your friend would just need to provide the documents to over rule your parents. Also put that friend down as your emergency contact.
Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. Would I be wrong to give my best friend power of attorney over my life if something happens to me?
Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. Would I be wrong to give my best friend power of attorney over my life if something happens to me?
LOL how can your parents possibly think they are entitled to make decisions about your life as an adult? And how unloving, in all honesty, to insist that they would do what would make them happy versus what your final wishes would’ve been. Very strange. Entrust that job with someone who loves you and wants to honor you (your best friend sounds like the perfect fit)
You’re an adult, it isn’t their decision. Make the best decision for you. There’s no reason they should even be involved in the conversation or know about it.
You need to make the best decision for you and if that means having your friend is your power of attorney then so be it. This is not up to your parents.
Yes of course you can make your friend your powers of attorney, make sure it’s lasting and health and financial… especially as you know your parents won’t carry out your wishes. They don’t have to know about it in advance even. Do what’s right for you and what will bring you peace, that’s important. Xxx
You’re an adult, if you want to give power of attorney to your dog, that’s your choice. Your parents have flat out told you they’d deny your wishes, so sod what they say and give it to someone you trust.
I am married with adult children and appointed one of my best friends of over 25 yrs my medical decision maker if I’m unable. I know my husband and son could never make the call to end support and it would haunt my daughter forever if she had to do it. My friend and I are both nurses, know the stark reality of 0 quality of life and trust her with my whole being. Everyone knows are are grateful for it
You are an adult… appoint whomever you darn well please and I sure would not let anyone have that power that I know would NOT respect ME AND MY WISHES… parents or not!!!
It’s not about their wishes it’s about YOUR wishes. I think it’s very disrespectful that they’d go against your wishes for what you want to do with your body if you would have a poor quality of life, that’s your choice that you have the right to make and it’s honestly gross they can’t respect that, at least they were willing to say it to your face so you know exactly where they stand. Do not trust them, they aren’t looking out for you, only them
Prepare a living will stating your wishes if something like that would happen to you. You can give your friend power of attorney but your parents could also fight it
You need to write a living will. This will let you determine what medical care that you want if you are unable to verbalize for yourself. You can say if you want life support or not. And you can choose a medical power of attorney who can make those decisions if you are unable to do so for yourself. It can be as specific as you want.
Just make sure the bestie is prepared for the aftermath. If she’s a strong person, you’re lucky and go for it. If she’s not, you can always put your wishes in writing and file it with the court. No one can circumvent that.
Your parents need to respect your wishes. Do they expect YOU to uphold their expectations when the time comes? It’s absurd for them to think they HAVE to have control of something happens to you. As long as best friends have a good head on their shoulders and will respect your wishes, I say go for it. Your parents flat out told you that they won’t, so you found someone who would.
Make a living will/DNR stating exactly what you want health-wise should you be unable to speak for yourself
See a lawyer and put your wishes in writing. Also good idea to have your friend act as your Power of Attorney if she’s willing to honour your wishes but your parents won’t
Power of Attorney is usually a person that you trust will follow your wishes and won’t go against them if possible. I say that parents are too close to you and they typically will do whatever it takes to not lose you, not what’s in your best interest.
Hi does anyone remember Terri Schivo case that went to Supreme Court. She was really bad off when she got into an accident. Before the accident she was married, after accident husband remarried. Because of Terri health decline, the parents wanted to keep Terri alive, but Supreme Court gave ex husband the right to terminate her life, because he was the last person she gave her wishes to. Look up the case…very interesting…
I made my friend Power of Attorney years ago. As long as your friend knows what you would want. My sister was not happy about it. I had to look out for my best interest and not what she wanted. It is Medical Power of Attorney. We both work in health care, so we have seen some things and know how we would not want to live.
Yes make her power of attorney of your health and well-being legally then she can carry your wishes out av just become my great uncles as he knows the family won’t follow his wishes xx
You can make your best friend you power of attorney and medical power if attorney but you might want to also consider a living will. Basically it outlines your wishes should certain things happen. Yes it can be contested same as any other legal document but it gives a pretty clear indication of what you want in various scenarios.
Yes, it’s your life, your decision and also, I would never let anyone who thinks they have the “right to make choices for me” give any power over my life and what happens after my life and usually, family members are the worst choice. If you have a friend you can trust, then that friend is definitely a much better choice than any family member.
My brother and my best friend have control over my life insurance and will since I’m not married. My two sons when they are old enough will know where everything is. My brother is also the executor of their life insurance in case something happens to me before the become of age. My ex husband can’t touch anything.
My oldest daughter was very sick 8 years ago with blood clots in her lungs. She was over 2000 miles away so the emergency doctors decided how to treat her. They made the right decision as she survived after CPR twice in ER AND 4 1/2 weeks in ICU. It is best to have advance directives so everyone knows your wishes.
We gave power of attorney to my best friend when our children were little and she honored it until she passed away from cancer and our children were adults. Best decision we ever made as my trust in the family was not what I wanted as I knew they would not honor it like she did.
When I went for cancer surgery I gave my youngest sister power of attorney for medical matters and my youngest brother power of attorney for financial matters. I knew they would consult my children before making any decision. I wanted to take any decision making away from so no fighting. My brothers and sisters do not inherit any thing from me so no one can say they wanted to stop life support so they could get what little money I have.
Do what is best for you. If they have already told you that they will not honor your wishes, then what they say is irrelevant. Your life, your rights.
If you want your wishes fulfilled, you need to establish a living (or an advanced care/medical directive). Also, establish a will to make your friend the executor of your estate. Have a lawyer do the paperwork and file the legal documents with the courts. Make several copies, making sure you give one to your executor/friend and your parents. Make several copies of the medical directive so if you are going for any medical procedure, you can give the doctor a copy so that they know what to do, just in case.
I would NEVER GIVE MY PARENTS POWER OF ATTORNEY. They are and get to emotional and would not think straight…I’ve already gone through this once with a huge brain tumor, major surgery! Always pick someone who can think clearly and not be emotional and be able to go through with YOUR wishes…make sure it clearly states that your parents can not contest it in court…you will have to be totally straight forward in every aspect and dont forget to get it Noterized and take her( BFF) with you and also a Witness who is not associated with it but make them read it in front of the Notery and write some type of statement in the witnesses hand writing that that was the first time they read it and seen it and had no knowledge of it prior to that day!
I have power of attorney over (special needs) son since he was 18 as he doesn’t have the mental capacity for decision-making.
I’m not sure that what you want would come under that, though. You need a strong Will outlining all of your wishes compiled & lodged with a law firm. Your friend could then be named as the executor of the said Will, so she can be in control of making sure your wishes are carried out.
See a lawyer and make out your will and an advance directive that state what your wishes are. That would be the best way to ensure your plans are carried out. The lawyer would also be able to provide some legal directions and advice that you may not have thought of.
It’s not about making others happy - make yourself happy and confident with your own decision!
Put your wishes in writing…you have to look at your laws but as long as u have trust then ur friends can do it
It is about you and your life. I see no problem with you putting your friend as POA. Your parents obviously don’t have your trust bc of the situation previously and already told you THEY will make whatever decision they want, no matter your wishes. So yes, put your POA as your friend.
You could also make an advanced decision and put on writing what you would and wouldn’t want, which would make it much easier for your friend if you could t communicate your wishes - and thank you - you’ve got me thinking, I’m not sure my parents would even know what I want!
i suppose as your parents they would be willing to live with the consequences… is your best friend going to be able to live with the aftermath of such a big decision??
In Florida power of attorney ends at your passing. What she needs is an estate planner. A living will will be made.
She chooses the executor of her will. I am not crazy about lawyers handling that as executor. A person you fully trust even an attorney you may know be honest my be better because they can handle the objections of your parents.
A close friend, relative may be ok but. opens a door to an argument and blame. Power of Attorney is used for the living.