How “excessive” of a punishment is not giving your child anything for christmas because of their horrible behavior? My child has been acting out ridiculously since her sister was born & since starting school. It has gotten so out of hand we have an appointment set in Jan with a psychiatrist to try to find out if there is some underlying issue that is causing this behavior. She started school in Aug in an all-day Kindergarten program. Well, because of 30-an hr long fits after lunch, she’s been reduced to half days. She would just sit in the classroom, screaming & crying on the top of her lungs. The school isn’t allowed to remove a child forcibly, so the class would just be disrupted until she was done or someone picked her up. At home, she can throw a fit like that easily for 2+ hrs. Over literally anything. Today’s 2 hr fit that resulted in half of her toys being “thrown away” (they’re in my trunk until further notice) was because I wouldn’t turn on a show in the living room for her. I told her she could just watch something with us in the room or nothing because I am super sick & didn’t want to have to get up just for that. Anyways, I’m just so overwhelmed and trying to find ways to make her understand that none of this is okay. I don’t feel right giving her her Christmas presents with how she’s been acting and with getting progressively worse. What would you guys do in this situation with Christmas a day away?
Id let her open them and then take them away.
Unsure… maybe minimal gifts with a lengthy note from Santa about behavior?
Yep. Doing too much. Especially since you don’t know if there’s something going on with her yet or not. That would be horrible to punish her for something she can’t control or help.
I would never punish my kid through a holiday.
Be firm & consistent when punishing though.
Have you not considered she may actually have issues, or that she isnt adjusting well to a new baby. Yes its excessive to take a childs christmas away. Try actually talking to her. Tell her that the way shes acting is not okay and that it makes you upset.
It may not be her fault. Please don’t punish and take away Christmas. It will cause more resentment and this may be something that is not just bad behavior. Good luck with the therapy. That is awesome. And merry Christmas!@
sounds like you also need therapy and parenting classes
It’s your choice your the parent. But I personally would still give her Christmas. I now have 3 kids and when I had my second my child flipped but got use to it and a routine and I included her in everything had her help hold baby etc. did one on one time with her while baby slept. I wish you luck. It will get easier then I had to do it all over again with two kids an now a 4 month old baby.
You can’t punish a disability out of a kid. Imagine what you will feel like if there is something else going on and you did that to her. I know because I have been there.
Please give her Christmas.
Yes that would be excessive… especially if you think there may be underlying issues. That wouldn’t be her fault.
Okay so let’s rock this child’s world by putting them in full time school (did they attend any daycare or pre-k prior) or and hey you have a new sister which she prob gets all the attention. Instead of adapting and understanding a child’s behavior we are going to punish with negative reinforcement instead of setting dates aside for mommy and me Time with the first born & now we want to take Xmas away … JESUS PEOPLE 
why don’t you spend some time with the one that is having a tough time adapting to the change by doing movie or lunch dates with you and that child. They went 5 years almost with no sis or bro and then boom change… go ahead and cancel Christmas because that makes sense while they watch gifts given to the baby 
She’s adjusting. Give her grace and please don’t take away Christmas for her! Kids that little are looking for attention and love in the most unloving ways. That’s when we need to love them more and give them grace. My son is in the same boat but I would never not give him a Christmas. They’re children and giving them nothing would cause major stress and they don’t know how to process something like that. 
Theres got to be more behind this then just bad behavior, I dont think taking away Christmas is the way to go about it. Definitely see a doctor and get the poor kid help.
I don’t care how bad my kids have been all year, I wouldn’t keep Christmas from them.
Reduce the amount of gifts if you have bought excessively… But please your daughter has a problem and does need professional help and wait until u get that to see what they recommend.
Give her a couple from mom and dad because you love her but skip Santa if she believes! Hope she gets better
Give Christmas and work on positive reinforcement. Sounds like adjusting isn’t easy for her. Great idea with the shrink. 
Hang in there! You got this!
Maybe let her earn them one at a time when she has good behavior?
She’s five? Give her her gifts. She sounds jealous of the new baby. Be patient and spend time with her
Please read your post. Acting out since her sister was born and starting school. Sounds like she is trying to get her emotions out but can’t so is just frustrated and rather than understanding or supporting her you are punishing her. Maybe it’s you that needs to seek the help for yourself
I remember my mom letting me open my gifts one year and then taking them away 
sure learned my lesson
That’s alot of drastic changes for someone younger and you expect her to be super happy? Not condoning her behavior at all. But there is an adjustment period for siblings being born and starting school… I understand she is acting out and you dont like it. But taking away Christmas for not handling things well is harsh. Maybe try a different approach? Good luck.
She will grow out of this behavior but you cant redo Christmas
yes that would be excessive… not giving her Christmas gifts wouldn’t make her understand anything. she’s a kindergartener, not a teenager…
SHE IS A STRUGGLING CHILD IN KINDERGARTEN. Listen to yourself! She’s doing the best she can with what she’s got, she needs more tools to work with, not punishment for struggling. I would give her Christmas. You can NEVER get THIS Christmas back. What if it was your last with her? Just take it day by day, she needs your help and support right now 
I can’t imagine not giving my 5 year old Christmas presents. Starting school (which is a new routine) on top of a baby (another new adjustment) sounds rough. And now she’s being punished? Maybe she does need the app with the psychiatrist but is it possible she may just be dealing with a lot too? I doubt taking away her Christmas (which can be traumatic) will get you the results you’re looking for.
The children who need love the most often ask for it in the most unloving ways. Love your child and help them figure out what’s causing the turmoil. You will likely cause permanent irreparable emotional damage if you completely deny Christmas. And I guarantee if will make your struggle worse.
Something they want something they need something to wear and something to read. Do that but FOR EVERYONE you can’t just leave her out. She really seems to have adjustment issues that noone is taking seriously not her family or the school. I’m DEFINITELY not going after you Mama. My daughter is hard to handle but I had to figure it out but with a new baby I see the struggle. She needs to be evaluated for learning disability for sure.
A full blown Christmas May overwhelm her. Limit to three presents that do not overstimulate
Give her the gifts. But with a note from Santa about her behavior. 🤷 that’s my plan.
She’s 5 or 6. Not 13
Not only would it be excessive it would be cruel and cause lifelong psychological harm
I definitely wouldn’t take Christmas away from her though. Make her earn them. Tell her if she’s good for the day she can pick one to unwrap and keep doing that until she gets the hint. She starts acting up again take it away from her and make her wait another day to be able to open one.
Give her the presents. She may be autistic or have some other mental disturbance going on and it could cause things to become worse.
Give her presents but make them books or clothes
I certainly wouldn’t deny her her Christmas gifts that’s not the spirit of Christmas !!!
Get her to that dr but your right u need to be good for santa to come
Give her the gifts. I would suggest even having one on one without the new baby. With school and a new baby, she’s crying for help and that help is attention. She doesn’t know how to express or deal with the new changes.
If you’ve already threatened…you need to follow through
Personally i would never actually take my kids christmas away!!! I might tell them they wont get christmas if they keep acting up but i would never actually take away christmas or any holiday!!! My daughter adjusted very well when i had my son however my son didnt adjust so good or even so fast with me having his little sister!!! Maybe try to find a day for just you and her and talk to her about how shes feeling about the new baby and ask her how shes feeling in general and explain to her how her behavior has been making you feel without it sounding like shes being punished!!! She might need some mommy and me time to realise she is still important to yalls family!!! I honestly think taking christmas away from her would make it worse and make her feel more upset and angry and cause her bahavior to get worse!!! Good luck mama!!!
Yes it is excessive. Positive reinforcement of good behavior and ignoring negative behavior is key. Like was said…parenting classes. You are having a battle of wills with a child who has not learned to control emotions. Make a routine. Give rewards…stickers, toy and time to the kiddo. Restructure to include the kiddo in what you do. Be sure to make time for not just baby but the 5 year old too.
I am so sorry that things have gotten this out of control that you are so lost right now I will pray for your family I know that she’s having a difficult time and being difficult good try to be patient till her side cries or supplement I do understand. You are doing the right thing with the psychiatry is but please don’t take her Christmas away santa might be able to make her feel a little bit better about herself!
She’s going through some big changes. School and a new sibling would be hard on any child. Since my daughter arrived, I make sure to take a few days a week to spend one on one time with my son and because of that he has had no issues with his baby sister
That’s excessive and she may not be able to control herself give her the presents
Sounds like this little girl is going through a ton of BIG transitioning right now. And as her momma, I’ll be it is weighing heavy on you. I think you are making a wonderful decision reaching out to a professional to help her learn how to express her feelings appropriately. Little bodies sometimes hold pretty overwhelming emotions and they just aren’t equipped with the language to tell you. Hang on and keep your appointment. Until then, I would ignore the problem behaviors and try to be overly complimentary of the positive behaviors. Helping with chores, using kind words, etc.
I wouldn’t take away Christmas… maybe spend more time with her. She’s probably crying out for attention. Remember bad attention is better than no attention.
It’s your child.
If this is what you feel will work, then do it.
You can always just give her a couple things from you and leave it at that.
The behavior is not ok and until you know the cause, you have to do what’s best for your family.
Anyone saying You’re Mean… Let them. They aren’t in your home. She’s not being abused or neglected. Christmas toys aren’t a requirement.
She’s in kindergarten so she’s still young. Although she’s been acting out i think taking Christmas away is a little excessive. I get that you’re trying to teach her a lesson but you already took all of her toys away, she’s still a little kid and need to pick age appropriate punishments. Time outs, sit her in her room alone. Taking a whole holiday away isn’t fair though. You stated it’s bc of school and another child being born, maybe she feels like she’s lacking attention?
So you’re going to double punish her? Punish her when the behavior happens and then punish again by taking all of her gifts? Lawd have mercy with this one 
how about spend time with her instead of laying on your lazy butt with a baby watching tv. Like those 10 steps to help her change the channel would have killed you… but I’m sure she saw you get up multiple times to do things for the baby.
I think it’s her mum that needs to change her behaviour not the child !
I don’t know I threatened mine a lot with it but I do take stuff away the only thing is and that age especially with a new baby and if she’s been the only child and on top of that she’s been staying home with you it’s more that she’s acting out she wants attention and that’s how she’s getting it. It’s going to be difficult you’ll get through it is there some big changes remember she has just as big as feelings as you do in just a smaller body. Believe me I have the same problems
Seems like she is way frustrated. Instead of punishing her, give her extra love and understanding. As parents we think we are perfect, but we have to look into our own actions. Sit down and talk with her.
Although they do better at school they act out more at home
I’m sorry but kids act out for many reasons. Especially ones that young. New siblings can male kids act out. Because tjere not the center of your attention anymore. Shes recently started school on top of gaining a mew sibling so maybe she feels like shes being push away feom you even more. This sounds very normal. Still see Dr just to be safe. But I would try talking to her. Explaining things. Make sute she knows she is still your world but that now there’s even more love to share with baby. Try spending time JUST with her if at all possible. Take her to lunch or something even running erramds just the 2 of you. Give her alone time with you. But throwing out toys even in trunk. Or denying her Christmas will make this problem worse. She will feel even worse then she may now. Especially because I doubt you’ll deny new baby gifts as well.
If your kids entire childhood is dependent on 1 pagan holiday disguised as a christian one then theyve got bigger problems than not getting toys on dec 25
If your able to message me I can try giving you some pointers? I had somewhat the same issue with my first when we had her baby sister a few years ago
She seems to little to understand why she wouldn’t get anything for christmas. Try other suggestions here instead
I would do Christmas but take away tv.
Sorry but in my eyes you shouldn’t take Christmas away from a child.
You never take away a holiday or birthday. Let her have Christmas, punish her the 26th. However, shes young and going through a lot of change. Talk to her. Let her talk about her feelings without getting mad.
Her behavior is probably from the new addition to the family. She probably feels left out and needs more attention. My advice would be to try positive discipline. If she has a tantrum, get down to her level and give her a hug. Shes a little person with big emotions and is learning how to cope with them. After she calms down calmly tell her that its not okay to lash out when we cant get our way. Let her know you love her so so much. If she wants to do something you are not okay with, provide other options for her. For example, if she wants to watch tv in the livingroom, offer her a show and momma cuddles in the bedroom or maybe a coloring book or toys on the floor in your room. Kids like to feel like they have a choice. Also make some time for just you and her to let her know shes still a priority and not forgotten because of the new baby.
Sounds like she’s lost time with mom by starting school and even more time by new baby. Instead of reasoning with her you’re manipulating her because you’re overwhelmed, crying is a form of manipulation. So I hope you’re not getting presents?
No presents for a teenager is appropriate. No presents for a kindergartener is not. She won’t understand the Cause and effect relationship. If you absolutely have your mind made up, that maybe just no presents from Santa but gifts from mom and dad because love is unconditional. Otherwise, you will destroy her.
How old is she?
It’s said when the kids are hardest to love, that’s when they need lots of love.
What is her love language? Do you know about love languages?
:Quality time together, gift giving, words of affirmation, I can’t remember the rest, but here’s a screen shot of a couple of books about it…
Give her the gifts so she won’t be scarred for life with a memory of no gifts, you can always take them away if needed… glad your going to counseling.
Wishing you and her the best!
You just said yourself you’ve set up a psychiatrist appointment to look for underlying issues mentally that are contributing to their emotions and behaviors she’s exhibiting. She clearly needs guidance and help, and although it’s very difficult to deal with, I would argue that children’s prefrontal lobes aren’t even developed fully at this time. Their decision making, planning, and impulsivity is still being sorted out. If they’re having a hard time with their emotions, there’s a reason. Good on you for trying to set up an appointment. Please don’t take Christmas away because your child is struggling mentally and isn’t capable of showing it the way an adult would. Don’t shower her with a million gifts or anything, but let her still have a holiday. And try to emphasize the importance of family and togetherness during the holiday especially.
Yeah that’s terrible. Your daughter is acting out for a reason and not just because she is “bad”
Sounds like shes too little for that. Shes going through enough. I think that not giving her presents will be damaging and make her act out more.
Give her the presents ! It would be cruel to eliminate gifts for your child . When you take her to the shrink , they may uncover the issue and something may possibly be wrong with her . She also needs to see a psychologist ASAP . There she will be able to do play therapy and her issue will unfold in time . Please Remember she is just a child .
Maybe you keep all the presents.
And you give 2 of the best ones for Christmas.
Work out the rest over good behavior over time.
Kids remember for life.
Don’t do it.
She’s 5 right?? She has a new sibling and school is new to her. Stop punishing her for not understanding how to handle her big emotions and communicate with her. Teach her. Talk to her. Try understanding what she’s feeling and be sure she understands what she’s feeling as well. Let her know you understand why she is feeling that way and then do something fun with her or do one on one dinner date with her or something. The new baby is probably getting the attention now and she feels left out. Be understanding. Put yourself in her tiny shoes and realize that she is a small human and doesn’t have the life experience we do. Please don’t take her Christmas away… It will make the situation worse I promise you. Make her life more exciting somehow. Do special little things with her that she likes. Maybe she likes her nails or toes painted. Maybe she wants to go to the park with just momma.
Give her extra Lovings. Its a huge transition for her so she’s probably overwhelmed with everything. She’s fairly young.
Sounds insane. A kindergartener is still a baby. It sounds like shes trying to communicate something to you and instead you’re missing the point. Have you tried spending one on one with her without the baby? Maybe while the baby naps or something. That’s a huge adjustment.
Your daughter needs more one to one time, validation, and unconditional love. It sounds like she is going through a lot. Try to spend more one on one time with her and focus on her feelings and thoughts associated with any given situation instead of conditioning her. Punishing her more and more is going to result in more defiance and more problem behaviours.
My son only got books and clothes last year for Christmas because of his behavior. Christmas gifts are a privilege
Sounds as of she needs a form of outlet. Somthing she can take her anger and frustrations out on. Like a boxing kinda day. Somthing safe for her
Put some coal in her stocking but still get her gifts. She’s in kindergarten and just remember WE adults have bad days too and she’s just trying to deal with all of her emotions and right now that’s the only way she knows how.
I think if you want to fuel more negative behaviour take away her gifts. Imagine how she would feel seeing everyone else receiving gifts and herself being singled out. She would internalize this as she where “bad” not her behaviour. Read up on attachment parenting. When you connect with your child in a positive way your child’s behaviour will be impacted. Of course have her assessed but take a good hard look at how you are contributing to the behaviour. There is a free class at Lemon Lime Adventures on FB check it out.
That’s way to much . She’s still very young and adding a new baby is frustrating to her all kids act out when they are no longer number one she needs time to adjust and plenty of love and attention instead of taking things away I would sit down with her and explain what she did was wrong and maybe bedtime early for misbehaving but if this happend previously punishment after is pointless you need to do when it happens not later good luck I know your new at being a mom of two but you have to balance both kids so please rethink the present thing
SHES 5?? Still a baby… from the beginning of this post I thought the child was older than that ffs. Dont ruin a child’s Christmas… and key word child. Children don’t act out for no reason, its up to you as a mom to find out the reason.
give her the clothing gifts and with hold the toy gifts for now
I have an 8 year old who’s behavior changed the minute I got pregnant with my 2nd son. Then it got worse when I had my 3rd child. She is in therapy now. Turns out she’s mad at ME for having 1. boys because she wanted sister’s. 2. for having more kids because now she too has to deal with them. MIND you all she goes to school full time and all she ever has to do is MAYBE get me a diaper from time to time. She’s angry and I really hate it. We have tried so many different things. We don’t spank *anymore we realized that for *us it does not work. She only gets more angry, I don’t feel any better after spanking her and nothing is solved. We still have to talk about it no matter what because in this family we can Talk about anything. My only regret is not taking her to therapy sooner. I would’ve realized sooner how pushed away she felt. This all sounds like she just wants to be held again and be the “baby” she still is. Man I thought my oldest just knew better at the age of 5 and now I realize she really didn’t know… she was learning and I spanked her for thinking she was being “bad” she was sad, lost, and felt a major change after each kid. We did better when we had our 3rd child so her behavior didn’t change like it did the first time.
My kiddo did this through kindergarten, and she’s actually an angel at home and anywhere else other than school. I don’t think punishing her is going to help at all. She needs extra support if anything.
I feel sorry for this child… Under no circumstances should u ever take your child’s holiday away 
I’d spend a day with her and just her. She seems to be going through quiet alot of changes. There’s a reason she’s doing this.
I think it doesn’t even matter on xmas. they should still have thier presents its just one special day x
Please dont do that kids act out for a reason she maybe wanting more one on one time with you kids get jealous when they get a sibling it’s not fair for you to take away her gifts but you will allow her sibling to have some that in my opinion would make things worse
Sounds like a new baby and kindergarten might be a lot for her. I agree perhaps maybe not a super awesome Christmas, because I am sure there are behaviors in there she is choosing, with that said maybe she needs something special for her. I would try and talk to her. Just empathize with her feeling angry, sad and maybe feeling left out. Let her know it is OK to feel all these feelings and then help to redirect those feelings or communicate better.
She’s 5, I think we need to sit and talk with her about why she’s acting out. With my son it was because his teacher was mean to him at school and he was too overwhelmed so he started acting out. My son is speech delayed and he still had the better judgement to tell me in his best way what was going on with him all I had to do was ask him why he’s so upset and if something is going on that he doesn’t like or that hurts his feelings. You just have to ask.
I don’t think it would help, you said yourself she has acted out since the new addition to your family. I think seeing her sibling, and yourselves open presents whilst she has little or none will just made her worse. Perhaps she’s feeling left out, or there is a bit of jealousy there and she is just doing what she can for attention. Try take time out just you and her, she maybe young but ask her why she gets up so much and what it is that makes her get angry like she does. xx
Don’t NOT get her anything… I mean… does she still believe in Santa? Make all the gifts from you and dad and NOT Santa, make her read the tags, try to enforce Santa knew she was bad but mommy and daddy got her something anyways hoping she’d be good the rest of the year…
I’d give her the presents but nothing in her stocking but coal. Let’s her know that Santa is a generous man, but still not pleased with her behavior.
Oh no I would give her the gifts. She’s dealing with a lot of new things :(. You can try maybe doing special mommy and me things(not saying you dont) for school maybe you can give her a special bracelet that helps her though the day. Hopefully it gets better
If you don’t stop the behavior at this young age I’m sure your state will have a cot for them to stop it in 10-15 years.
The answers here I agree with the tone they’re given in not so much. This mom is doing the best she can she’s made appt for counseling, she’s tired herself and trying everything she knows of she came asking for advice not judgement. Your individual best is all you can do and she seems to be doing it. Good luck hon keep trying it will get better
Please dont take away her christmas gifts she’s little and was your baby until her sister was born.shes just confused about what has happened in her world. She just needs extra mommy and daddy time so she feels wanted too
I have done it. My kids are fine. It actually instilled that they actually were better this year because they wanted santa to come.
Limit the presents but don’t withhold them. If the behaviour is out of control after Christmas take the toys away and put them in time out till she can follow expectations. She is definitely struggling with internal emotions but don’t give in to her behaviors or it will never get better
my kids lost theirs 
im took everything i got them back. They are still getting familys gifts tho
My 3 yr old is very high needs. She acts out big time when her dad walks in the door, he works a lot and is hardly home. She acts out when her sister who is 2 is around. If it’s just her alone with us she’s fine and acts almost perfect. I have 3 girls so I try to spend time with each of them, it’s not always easy. My oldest is 16 and is having a lot of anxiety, having the younger sisters is overwhelming when it was just her and me for a long time. My mom passed away last June and my oldest and her were extremely close and Christmas is just not the same for her, it was their time of year. Right now any little thing sets her off and she has a panic attack. Yours probably needs some mama time, just the two of you. We are stretched so thin sometimes and don’t realize someone is left out. The way my husband works so much I’m usually taking care of the kids alone and we have our ways of doing things, then when he’s home he gets left out. Take a breath and try to make a date with your daughter!
Getting a new sibling and starting school is a huge change. Try to think about how she must feel. Momma had a new baby and now shes making me go to this place. There’s less time for her. She needs some one on one loving. We often forget that our kids are human too. And we get upset sometimes as adults we just know how to handle these emotions better. I wouldn’t take her gifts she probably already feels like shes having her mommy taken away.