I have been in a relationship with my man for almost 2 yrs and last year in October I made the decision to move 1300 miles away from my family and friends, my kids are all grown and they have started lives of their owns and I had been through a lot in my home state so I thought a change would do me good. I also made this choice because my man had spent 5 yrs away from his family due to a very controlling ex and I wanted him to have a chance to be a part of his family again. Okay let me cut to the chase here, got moved, his family is toxic and treats him horrible and hates me with a passion because I stick up for him to them and blames him standing up to them on me because I supposedly control his life which is not true he is the controlling one, I have only 2 friends here that are only friends with me because of him and I haven’t seen my family 1 time since I moved which has been almost a year, which was not the deal, he said we would make a point at me going to see my family, but he always has stuff planned and I would like for him to go with me. I have had several breakdowns these past couple months because of the stress his family puts me under and him under and because I miss my family so much. He sees that I am extremely unhappy but yet expects me to stay. When I moved here I told him I would give it my best shot but with my mental health I would have to make sure that I do what is best for me. I have severe PTSD and depression and he knew these things well before he asked me to move. I now think it is time for me to move back home by my family and my support system. I would like for him to move with me but I just don’t think he will leave his nasty toxic family. Is it wrong of me to want to want him to at least give it an attempt to live by my family? He has no kids and he wants to be a step dad to mine so bad but wants them to move here and i don’t want them to be around this toxic family at all so that is out of the question. Hell he has barely even met them because it has always been about his family. I know due to some of the things I have said he sounds like a bad guy but honestly he isn’t, he does treat me very good other than this living situation thing.
Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. Would it be wrong of me to move back home?fam
Move and leave the trash behind.
He’s not your husband. So leave. Go back home. You gave it a try. It didn’t work
You’ve given him a year . I think it’s time to move back nearer to your family x
Move back to your family. If he really does love you and support you, he would put the equal effort you have shown this past yr for you. If he doesn’t want to leave than you both should just end it. Words are only words, action speaks louder than words. Which you have demonstrated.
Run away from that toxic mess
Id tell him you’re moving back and its his choice if he wants to be with you
If you’re not happy, which it seems like you’re not, you’re completely valid to leave any relationship at any time. You don’t need anyone to validate your experience except for yourself. Your happiness matters.
Get packing and move home babe
You’re unhappy, he won’t do anything to help you get happy but wants you to stay. He wasn’t being controlled by his ex. He’s the controlling one. If you aren’t happy why are you still with him? Why are you staying somewhere where you’re so deeply unhappy? Why are you with someone that isn’t prioritizing your happiness? Ask yourself these questions. It’s time to leave this relationship.
Of what’s best for you. Always. If he wants to be with you he can move with you back home. If he doesn’t then you must preserve your mental health.
Move back with your family
Girl I didn’t even get half way thru this before I decided that this whole situation is toxic. Run!
Move back home. If he really loves you and wants to be with you he’ll follow you. I had a friend that was in a similar situation and she up and left to another city where her adult kids live and within time her husband followed. They are doing much better now. You need to take care of yourself and your mental health. Hugs and prayers
What more do you need?
He might be a narcissist and he sounds manipulative. You put your Self first. Please. Don’t let him think he can walk all over you. You go to your family. I’m sure your not the only one seeing red flags. Talk to your family and move there. I hope you stay positive I’ll be sending prayers your way!
Counseling… the answer is Counseling. Why does he want to subject himself AND you to this toxic sludge he calls family?? Why did he want to move there? How will he cope when you leave? These are answers you get through therapy.
Go home to your family
Time to get with family as soon as you can. This is a toxic relationship it seems for all concerned
i would go back where myn family lives , this relationship is one sided . GO HOME
Yes go home, where you feel safe and loved
So instead of making trips home and going to see your family alone , without him, you’d rather blame him for your inability to do something then take the drastic step of completely moving both of you back ? Makes sense
Also you’ve been together 2 years but only moved 6 months ago …so it hasn’t always been about your family . He had 18 months to meet your kids and 18 months of living where you wanted .
Everyone Needs a Support System.
I’d move home and if he Loved you enough, he would follow. If not then hard as it might be, move on
I think you need to get away from him and his family. All he has done so far is lieto you. Ifhe is controlling now and you don’t see your family just imagine what a couple of years down the road will look like. He does not care how you feel because if he did, you would have visited your family by now. Prayers.
Go home! My oldest moved 3 hrs away and is now married with a baby. My husband and I have talked about leaving our area due to his family drama so we are planning to move closer to my daughter(his step daughter)as soon as our property sells. We have two girls together, 4 and 5 and they love their big sister and new nephew and I want them to be close.
Move home with or without him. You’re not happy, you’re isolated. You moved so he could be close to his family. Maybe his ex wasn’t controlling and just wouldn’t put up with his family’s bull.
He sounds like he the problem if he is controlling leave. Your mental health is note important
Sounds to me like you have made your decision that it’s best to move back home and are just needing some validation that it is ok. I think I would have gone hone before it got to this stage. Go home and take care of yourself. Hope he will decide to go with you.
Move back home without him. He’ll bring his toxicity with him if he goes with you.
Nope not wrong I did it. My ex kept me from my family and friends. I left and came back home two states away. Best decision I ever made.
Leave. Run and don’t look back. Give yourself the advice you’d give if it was your daughter or friend who’d asked you about this. He sounds toxic and so does his family.
You already know the answer. Move
Just go see your family and change your reliability maybe he’ll come back to you.
Go home to your family girl consider your feelings and make sure you are somewhere happy <3
Go home. Let him decide to come to you on his own & if he doesn’t? You’ve saved wasted time. His toxic family will eventually wear you down and affect your mental health negatively.
Nope not at all… life is short! Move back to your family if he loves you he’ll go with you! He should see how you’re unhappy and that you tried for him. Being around family that is toxic and treats you bad can destroy your relationship and it WILL in time.
I’ve been in a similar position. Moved halfway across the country, away from my family, to live close to his. For me, I wasn’t all in, so it didn’t work out. I came back to where my support system was. He stayed behind about a year, then moved back too.
Narcissistic people do not change his parents and offspring if it affects them he will not change he will follow suit
Do what’s best for you, by the sounds of it a complete fresh start on your own is what you are needing, life’s to short to be doing everything everyone else wants to do whilst you sit there unhappy, I really hope you get happy life you deserve…
What if y’all moved directly halfway between both families? Give yourselves a new area to explore and build in together instead of just 1 of you being in your element.
Either way you should leave if that’s what you need to do.
Sit down talk with him. Move back to where you are happy…Remember if you marry him you marry his family . Go home
Ummm yes. Go home. Without him.
Actions speak louder than words. He wants to be a stap dad to yours, but expects THEM to move states? They are grown adults, with their own lives, and shouldn’t move to make your man happy. He also doesn’take an effort to get to know them, he refuses to visit your family, so how does he expect yo get close to them? Sounds like he expects everyone to make moves around him, he’s not willing to meet you half way. You move and if he cares he’ll offer to go with you.
He can be the best guy in the world for you and have the greatest intentions but life’s to short to wait for someone to make changes that they don’t want to make… do what you think is best for you. Don’t hang on to people or situations that aren’t giving you the best life you can have. People who want to be together make it work. They don’t make excuses for what’s going on with other people. They take responsibility and action when they want something to work.
Move back home, leave him behind. Choose yourself.
Girl, get home to your family. What good are you to any one if you are in an institution having a breakdown? It’s obvious you and your health do not come first. You are old enough to know better now Than to play with your mental status like this. Forget about his entire family. Let them have each other. They like this life style. You will never fit in there!
Move home & get a new man. Why are y’all even together??
The fact you won’t go see your own family, whom you claim you miss so much, bc he won’t go with you, tells me you’re Co-Dependent. Move home. Go to therapy & stand on your own 2 feet. Stop settling for a man who had has own issues he won’t handle.
I think you have answered your own question honey. Go back home. If he is willing to let you live in the hell you are, then well he’s not the one for you. Go back home, get yourself esteem back, get stronger and forr goodness sake realize that you are worth something and you don’t deserve to be treated like that from his family or by him. Choose you by God ! You are worth it !!! Now pack up and go home where you know you belong. Good luck
Girl, RUN HOME!! As fast as you can, and don’t look back.
Tell him you are moving back where you are loved. He can come, or not, but he needs to get out of the way. Then move on.
He can be sweet as pie, but all I see are red flags.
From what you have said, it sounds as if he is controlling, and no different from his family. You may not be able to see it, due to being so close and in love.
I’m sorry if this is a bit harsh, but if he cared about your mental health and did not like his family, then he would support you, and go with you. You would not have to ask strangers for the answer you already know.
And as for his ex and why he left home, is that what he said? Like, is it just his telling of how things ended? If so, there are always 2 sides to the story. If he is like this with you now, and after a short time, what made them end it…?
You really have nothing to loose by moving back AND everything to gain. If he is truly committed to your relationship, he will follow you. To loose your health was not part of the deal. Note… I said follow, meaning he may or may not, come back to you later after he’s had enough abuse. Just don’t wait forever.
Move back. Life’s too short to stay in miserable.
Step Dad? I thought you said your kids were grown. They don’t need a Step Dad. He can offer his friendship & be a supportive presence in their lives, if they choose that route. So far, he’s dropped the ball by not advocating for their Mother. You can ask him to move closer to your family. Is he required to do that? No. Just like you’re not required to stay there and subject yourself to his toxic family situation. You’re both grown adults. You’re not legally married. That makes either decision you choose much easier to follow through with. You’ve got to take care of YOU first.
Move back home and give him the opportunity to move with you but if he chooses not to thats not your fault and just move back home you moved there for him and if he can’t do the same for you then is he really worth it
Go home fast as you can he’s not worth
Life is short. Do what you want. Move back home to be close to your family. Current situation sounds toxic.
You’ve answered your own questions dear. If your suffering mentally, it’s time to go home! It’s not “selfish “ to take care of YOU at this Season of your life. Blessings
Move home! Get away from that family asap!
Make it Simple…I would move in between both families but away from them…Win win you both could go visit and then return to your own lives away from both families…
Start packing things up & be gone for your general happiness & well being. Hes not the one you should be with.
He is not leaving his family but you are away from your kids for one year ,am i getting it right?
Give him an ultimatum; ei
ther move with me away from the negativity and hate or spend your life like this but I’m leaving. Make sure you follow through. Never give an ultimatum that you dont follow through with.
You have to do what is best for you and your peace of mind. If he doesn’t understand that, he’s not the one for you.
Move. If he loves you he will follow and support it. If not then it isn’t worth the energy and waste of your time.
All you can do is ask him.
I would make it less about his family and your need to get away from them, and just more about how it’s too hard being too far away from your kids and your other family. And since he doesn’t have kids that he should be the one to move with you if you’re gonna make this work or at least try. Then if he does move hopefully he can see how unhealthy his family situation can be with some distance.
Respectfully, his ex wasn’t the controlling one sis. And when you walk away, you’re going to be his “crazy controlling ex”. You gotta watch what people are saying about those exes. They tend to expose themselves
Move back home. Your husband will eventually hold it against you if he has to move too. Let your husband know it’s his toxic family.
You have to do what’s right for you . I would have already left
Move, toxic in-laws will always be toxic. Watching him bow to his family is tough, I’ve been there. Left that community in '06 & have built my home now. I’m in home province, near my Mom, who turns 89 this month. My only regret, not leaving sooner. This is your time in life, it’s too short to live for someone elses expectations. Best wishes for a peaceful life.
My question is, Why would he want to live by his family when they treat him as badly as you say they do??
You know what you need to do. No one should need to validate it for you. Start packing.
Tell him exactly what you posted here. Tell him that your moving back home and he is more than welcome to come or y’all will have to cut ties. You do not want to be around his toxic family.
You need more then you’re receiving, and your kids need their mother. Move HOME. If he truly loves you, he’ll soon follow.
Ask him to move with u don’t make it out to he about his family that u want to leave just trying to not stirring the pot make it about u missing ur children and family and see what he says if he loves you he will follow of he doesn’t follow then he never loved u at all good luck mama
I think you already know what you should do. If your mental health is suffering for it, you have to do what’s going to be best for you. If he moves with you, great. If not, you know where you stand.
Go home!! He has issues wanting to control you. Get out while you can!!
To be honest I am very confused. You say he treats you good but then you say about how controlling he is of you and doesn’t take care of your happiness and it’s all about him and his family. It sounds like you already know what you need to do for you but you are having a hard time walking away from him because you think that if he moves with you and your family it will change. Girl this is a hot mess and you need to get yourself back and protect your mental health. Put yourself first, if not for you then at least for your kids.
Move back home you need your family as well
Sounds like you thrive more when your near your own family and you sound like you are a whole lot happier as well
See if y’all can compromise, find a state that is halfway between the 2 families, so when you want you can go see yours, and when he wants he can go see his, but you wouldnt have to go with him to visit his family. Relationships are all about compromise, but not to where one person is miserable. Your mental health is important and if he cannot understand that then maybe its time to really rethink the whole relationship…
Move back home!!! Do what’s best for you!!!
He’s not treating you good!!! He wants you to stay in a toxic environment that he obviously is addicted to. Get out and get away from this guy.
Yr health is MUCH more IMPORTANT than his TOXIC family or him.
You should definitely get out and if he doesn’t want to move then sadly it should be over as once your gone his family will badger him so much to end things with you. You definitely need some support and clearly his family will never give that to you or him. Ask him if he wants to go and explain like you have here why you not just want but NEED to go. Your mental health needs looking after and that will only happen away from his family. It will be very sad if he doesn’t want to go with you but it’s definitely time to look after yourself.
Something’s are just meant to be. Do what makes you happy. Go home. Your children don’t deserve a toxic life either.
Go home! He never should have asked you to leave your children, especially that far away. GoodLuck! You take care of you!!
Go back even if he stays you should leave.
Never leave your children for a man, no matter how old your children are
Go home u might be sorry if you dont
Girl, you’ve got to move.
If he cares more about his toxic family than you, you deserve better. Your mental and emotional health should matter more to him than staying around those who are actively participating in it’s destruction. To quote Desmond Tutu, “If you are neutral in situations of injustice, you have chosen the side of the oppressor. If an elephant has its foot on the tail of a mouse and you say that you are neutral, the mouse will not appreciate your neutrality.”
You are the mouse. His family is the elephant. He is the one trying to stay neutral. U get me? He is choosing them. Do yourself a favor - choose YOU. You won’t regret it.
Good luck, girl.
l get paid over $ 140 per hour working from home. l never thought I’d be able to do it but my buddy makes $ 16962 a month doing this and she convinced me to try. The possibility with this is endless.
Info Here >>> https://goldenjobz26.netlify.app/
Time to put yourself first
How bout leave him there. U move home…
It’s time to see to your health and your family. If you are having breakdowns and feeling so miserable, it’s time to go. You gave it your best shot. His family is toxic, and he is becoming that way by expecting you to stay and take it, then wanting your children in on it. No, Honey, it’s time to go home.
You already know you must leave from toxic negativity
Your mental health and happiness comes first. Take a break, go visit family for a while (move back for a couple months if need be). Keep your distance from his family, go make friends (job, gym, community activities, etc.) and try to stay out of the drama. Stop sticking up for him if it only backfires on you, he’s grown and can stick up for himself if need be. good luck!
Sounds like a narcissist. It’s called ‘love bombing’ and what he’s going is called ‘gas lighting’. It won’t change and he won’t go with you.
You don’t need him to go visit your family. You can go alone girl! It might be good for both of your mental healths as well.