Would it be wrong to ask for one weekend during my sons moms time?

Would it be fair to ask for a weekend in the middle of summer break? Back the story short & simple, we have our ten-year-old full-time through the school year. His mom has certain holidays every other year, but always spring break & summer break. He was living two or states away but now lives about 2 hours from us. Court order states we get two weeks advance notice when she wants him, but it’s never two weeks in advance, but we still make it work to where she was able to have him for a weekend at least once a month for the last year. Well, with her being closer to us now & how fair we have been to her, we thought maybe we could get a weekend this summer. We asked, and she doesn’t understand why we want him on her time.

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Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. Would it be wrong to ask for one weekend during my sons moms time? - Mamas Uncut

I personally would let her keep her time as it doesn’t sound like she gets to see him very much.

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She already doesn’t get much time with the child and if it’s in the child best interest to have the visit with mom why try to take more of that time away idk seems a bit selfish to me .

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It’s the whole summer? If so I don’t really see the issue. My kids dad gets them every other weekend but if we have a family event planned I let him know ahead of time and it’s not an issue and vice versa

Yes, you should get some summer time and a judge would agree! Why should you have to do all the school, dr, dentist, etc. and she get all the fun times? I would get the court order revised if I was you.

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I have a friend that does this. Her ex has school days and her weekends then summer hits she’s got them during the week and dad gets weekends

For us, we get my bonus kid all summer. Her mom doesn’t see her at all. My ex gets my boys 4 weeks during summer, but never takes them.

I mean, you could ask. But be prepared for her to say no and respect her decision.

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It’s really too bad that kids have to suffer because adults can’t see through the bitterness and BS. Why don’t you just have a conversation with her? If she doesn’t get it, then explain how you’ve compromised for her benefit.

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Maybe ask to trade a weekend? Let her pick a weekend she would want him during your time in exchange for you getting him for a weekend that is in her time. That’s at least how I do it with my children’s dad’s.

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She’s being petty that’s why, it’s just a weekend, go ahead and ask

We? Let the mama and the daddy work it out. She may tell you no and him yes.

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Ask your son what he wants to do. I was his age when my parents stopped bickering about school breaks and worked out visitation based on what I wanted to do. I don’t see how a single weekend would ruin the entire summer.

Maybe offer her some weekend time during the school year since yall live closer now and trade some summer weekends. Or go back and redraw up the visitation. Maybe she would like to see your kid during the rest of the year on some weekends and you trade off by getting some weekends in the summer.

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Let her have ALL her time.

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See what happens when you do things out of the court order, and now that you want something it’s like " why should I the court order doesn’t say that " just stick to the order next time. If she gives less then a 2 week notice don’t let your child go :woman_shrugging:t2: sometimes it’s good to be the bigger person but sadly they take advantage of that. Good luck !

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So you get all the responsibility of school, homework, after school activities etc. She gets the fun free time. I feel she’s being unfair not allowing you to have a little summer too. You give her weekends during the school year too. Seems fair to me. What does your son think?

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Do you plan on making up her missed visitation if you do get that weekend? She may feel like you’re trying to take her time away when it’s already limited…

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Maybe its time to fo back to court and change things since she lives closer. If she can’t work with you then stop working with her.

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You don’t need court orders for anything. Both of you can adopt an open door policy for the child so he can go back and forth as he wants. That way you each get time in summer and during school year. Court ordered visitation schedules are not for the child… they are for parents who cannot co-parent and it hurts the child bc they are told when they can and cannot see a parent. See how that sounds? Me and my partner threw the papers out the window after about half a year of our daughter screaming and crying bc she was forced to leave a parent. She is pretty much 50/50 now and could not be happier. It was hard to trust that at first bc she was only four… but now she gets to enjoy all important family functions on both sides. Sometimes things overlap, but we let her make that decision. If she has to miss something important on one side of the family, then we make sure she doesn’t miss the next time. We drive 2 hours every week to our lake so it isn’t that far. Have the conversation with the mom about letting her have him more weekends during the year and sharing some summer weekends.

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Maybe compromise :woman_shrugging: get the weekend but give up some of your time as well to make it fair. I know you have been giving her more time with him but this is coming from a mom who had her kids 24/7 to getting 1 hour a week 30 minutes with my girls 30 minutes with my son every moment we get is time well spent and means more than you could understand

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That sounds reasonable honestly…in this situation it wouldnt be bad to consider what the son wants.
If he wanted a weekend then she should let him,vis e versa

Personally i feel it shouldnt be a big deal, i get how she doesnt wanna give up her time considering you have all year she has him for the summer, if she works during the week while hes there that means even less time spent, but i can also see you wanting to do something fun on summer break with him, hopefully you guys can come to a compromise. In the end it should be whats best for him, things come up birthdays, holidays, vacations etc at times things should beable to switch your times so the child is able to attend family things too. Just my opinion

Sounds like she’s kind of childish if she’s not willing to let you do the same thing that you are willing to work with her on. I but tell her that’s fine but if she wants to be difficult then you can make things difficult by not allowing her one weekend during the school year. I mean honestly, it’s not in the court order so you don’t have to be doing that you’re doing it for your son which is the same reason she should be willing to do it… My kids have the flakiest father ever but I still go out of my way to take them to see him when he calls to see them… last time was on mother’s Day and I had to get ready and leave my house, drive 35 minutes to pick him up, then drive 35 minutes back to a park by my house and sit in my truck while they played so I could try to take a nap at least, then took them back to my house for them to hang out for a little bit. Not at all the way I saw my mother’s day going, but I tried to do whatever I can to nurture the relationship between them and their father since they don’t get to see him very often and I know they love him and look forward to seeing him. At least when my kids are older they will understand that I have done everything in my power to nurture that relationship and the fact that they saw him very little was not my fault whatsoever. He isn’t in a good place right now to take them on his own, not to mention he doesn’t have a car, he bounces from one friend’s house to another, and he has a drug issue. You always seems sober and fine when he sees my kids, but I know that’s probably just because he used. He’s actually nicer when he uses than when he doesn’t have anything. Which is why I supervise of course… but he’s always really good with them. Sometimes I have to remind him to put the phone down and pay attention to the kids, but he’s never out of it or dangerous to be around… in my point to all that is that if I can forgive everything with that man put me through for 8 years of my life, which was pure hell, and the fact that I get no child support, no physical support, no anything, yet I overlook all that and pull my big girl panties up to do what’s best for my children, then there’s no reason why Mom can’t let you have one weekend in the summer… Some people think just because they are grown means they are mature. Those two things are definitely not related.

It should be where the summer is split. She chooses first or second half. Not the whole summer.

Offer her a weekend during school

If the baby mom is willing to compromise where you ask for a weekend that is on her time then you give her a weekend that’s on your time. But let’s be honest baby mama’s aren’t about that life.

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That’s the way my nephew does it summer with mom but touch base with a visit during the summer.

What does the order say about vacation time? In my order for my oldest we can get 2, 9-day blocks of time a year with notice. If we can’t agree odd years one parent gets the choice no matter what and then even years the other parent get the choice. I recommend looking at the order again to see what it says and if it’s not in there I recommend going to mediation to sort this out.

Sometimes i wonder if ppl even read these… hes clearly said he gives her at least 1x a month that he doesnt have to give cause she doesnt give proper notice. So what do all these ppl think he should be giving up on top of that? For 1 wknd mom needs to get off her damn high horse. Seriously. And ppl need to start actually reading.

Could you give her back to back weeks that was always the best seeing my dad 2 weekends in a row. N everyone gets their time cuz I would give anything for that time now.

One weekend isn’t asking too much at all. Just offer her make up days or a weekend. Even though you already do that, she will act like it’s old news. If you guys are going to the beach or something just tell her that too and you don’t want your child excluded. Shouldn’t be this hard, but some people try to make it difficult. My ex and I have no time in summer per our agreement and he took them to the beach for a week. Why would I deny them? I will have some make up time because I have family visiting when they get back. Really not that hard. :frowning:

Some of these people are so mean and clearly don’t understand that she more than likely did something to see her child so little. So yes it is fair for you to ask for a weekend during the summer. You deserve some summer time with your child too. Honestly i would possibly take her to court to atleast get one week out of the summer so maybe all of your family can take a nice vacation

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I’d offer a compromise. Let her have an extra weekend somewhere or pick a holiday she can have.

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Time to enforce custody order to the T if she won’t accommodate you stop accommodating her.

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No it’s not wrong at all. My kids leave for 6 weeks in the summer and every spring break. There dad lives 900 miles away. If he lived closer I’d absolutely ask for one weekend right in the middle. Just one. So we could go do something fun together over summer vacation. We don’t get that opportunity anymore since he moved away. Might seem unfair on my part but I 100% get where you’re coming from considering our similar situations.

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You get him all year. Let her have her time. She doesn’t get a lot.

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I would say go ahead and ask, the worst she could say is no. But since you asked and she doesn’t want to there isn’t much else you can do. You could try and tell her that you have been accommodating to her so this would be appreciated but idk if that will change her mind.

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Me and my husband used to do that when we had our court order on the weeks he had them they would ride the bus to school on my week I would drive them to school. Week on week off then we split the holidays and summer. He had them on fathers day I had them on mother’s day. It work well for us not so much for the kids they hated being tossed around. So glad we worked things out.

I would be proactive and selfless. Come up with an open agreement with them. Weekends only, of course. She gets 2 or 3 weekends, you get 2 or 3 weekends. It would make it so much easier on the child.

You have to be willing to give if you want to take. Give her a for sure time that can be switched so she is aware up front
She has every right to say no. However now that she is so close in comparison perhaps there can be revisions made to the original plan…

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You get him all year and certain holidays therefore let her enjoy the summer with him. There’s no harm in asking but you can’t get upset if she says no :woman_shrugging:t5:

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Usually you should some time with him in typical court orders. Have you asked your attorney or looked at your papers?

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My ex gets our daughter every weekend but if we’re going on vacation or there’s something she wants to do with us such as go to a hockey game or whatever he’s fine with it. It’s not fair that you only have him during the school year and can’t do anything fun with him during the summer. There’s no reason she can’t accommodate 1 weekend especially when you are so accommodating to her.

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Personally being a victim with my children, everyone needs to stop blaming the mother first off.

My children were sent to live with their father against their wishes from court and I finally have my children home now after they experienced further violence in his care.

The answer to your question should be simple, what does your son want to do? Where would your son rather live? It’s not about you or the mother, it’s what the child wants that should be respected. So tired of these “men” exerting their power and control tactics long after the relationship ends

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You literally get him all year.

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Ugh I wish ex’s would just cooperate with each other. Just ask her with at least a decent amount of notice. Don’t spring it on her at last minute. Offer her some extra time In the process and see how it goes. If she says no then accept it. If she says yes then you need to keep your word and give her that extra time. She may do the same thing to you by planning something or get invited somewhere and want to take the kid. Be prepared. Anything is possible. Don’t deny her that. Think about the kid, not yourself.

My orders from Texas state that I get one weekend during the summer of my choosing and I have full custody with a standard order in place.

You’re not selfish at all. Whatever happened that she couldnt keep her child full time and you guys did means she should be grateful and accommodating. Most courts favor mothers so for a court not to favor a mother there has to be a reason. Speak up and say what you want. You’re not someone that just babysits someone else’s kid. You’re one of the full time parents that take care of this kid so you have a say.

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Some of the moms here… with her only living 2 hours away I would take it back to court. We have a friend thats son lives with him during school year and mom for 6 weeks of the summer he still gets every other weekend and mid week visit just like her during the school year. I would definitely be revisiting your visitation schedule!

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I always find it weird when parents deny the other one visitation.

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Maybe they wanna take him somewhere fun for a weekend during the summer when all of America goes onfun vacations why are you guys being jerks to her for wanting one weekend sure she gets all year during the winter and school year but I say if it’s in the child’s interest they should be able to have him

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It should be part of you custody and visitation agreement.
Mine states that I can see him during “his” time …
Just as if he wanted to, though never has, he could come see him on “my” time.

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I don’t think a weekend, or even a weekend or 2, is asking too much… Speaking as a mother who wished her children’s fathers were more involved…

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I’d ask your child’s mother. With being closer you might have to update your custody agreement. Good luck!!

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As long as you’re willing to trade visitation days for another time.

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you asked she said no. its her time.

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If you are giving her some of your time I don’t see why she can’t offer some of her time. Shout out to you for being a great coparent though

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I believe she should! We have just a non court agreement and yes we are supposed to have a 2 week notice but honestly lately with my husbands work I have to switch things constantly (I work over nights and hubby works during the day and can get called out on certain weeks) he has asked if he could have our kid on my weeks and I have asked on his. You’re only hurting the child in the long run. Co parenting is key.

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She should, as well as she should also get to see her child more.

If you break the rules for her and she doesn’t not understand why should break the rules for you, tell her you all have to stick to the original schedule, no compromise. She should make sure not to expect any favours. Simple.

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Well if she wants to go by the court order and not understand or compromise then you do the same. Follow the court order to a T. If she doesn’t like it then oh well.

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I’d update the custody agreement now that you’re closer.

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She got him during your guys time there’s no reason why you guys shouldn’t be able to have 1 wknd out of the whole summer with him. If she doesn’t allow it I’d think I’d go back to court.

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Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. Would it be wrong to ask for one weekend during my sons moms time? - Mamas Uncut

Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. Would it be wrong to ask for one weekend during my sons moms time? - Mamas Uncut

With my husband and his BM they try and trade time . Like last week she needed her two days early and she said she would owe us extra time when we need it . If you can’t agree go back to mediation

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Nope that is her time with her son. She doesn’t infringe on your time with him then don’t do it to her

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I’d approach it by saying you understand how it could be a tough decision and it’s hard for me to even ask, I was hoping to see our son for one weekend during the summer, to have some fun outside of the school year. I know we have him longer during the school year, now that you’re closer, I’d love to reevaluated the entire visiting situation so you have more time with him. Let’s find a good time to chat about a good weekend this summer and changing up the schedule.

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Explain to her that you would like to spend a little quality time together while he’s on summer break. If she argues then offer to renegotiate the entire agreement now that she’s closer. If she still argues then take her back to court. It sucks to get them involved again, but at the end of the day their word is final and you get some good summer quality time with your son. I pray you guys can work it out though.

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Let her know what your plans would be , be the better people no matter what she does . We can be the good examples all the time !

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That’s such a tough one. The thing is that she gets him during all of the “fun times”. During the school year is rushing and stress etc. Having a good summer can define a child’s life and memories.

I wouldn’t be so accommodating anymore and I would change the parenting time.

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I’d go back to court since she’s closer and have the order changed. You guys can split the summer more fairly… During the school year there isn’t much time for fun things, so she’s actually getting more ti.e during the breaks and summer than you are during the school months.

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Cause ya love him and want to have him in your life too. Wouldn’t she like to do something for herself without worrying over a sitter and such.

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Totally fair! Just be prepared for her to not be accommodating. My ex had our 2 kids every weekend. And would refuse to let them go to birthday parties or anything else. I even had to plan their birthday parties for during the week because he wouldn’t let me have them on a weekend. It sucks when it’s all one sides

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Not wrong at all. But believe me, just because you are super fair & accommodating doesn’t necessarily mean anything to them.

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What doesn’t she get? If you have made it work when she doesn’t give alot of notice, I don’t see why she can’t give you a day or 2 for some summer fun with him.

Unfortunately we live in a world where we can’t do things for others and expect the same in return. It would be a never ending “well since you did this, I get to do this now” and constantly “returning favors” to the point it gets confusing or messed up and causes more issues… just better accepting the way it is. Personally I would want alternating summers… there’s so much more you can go out and do in the Summer time as a family so I understand the frustration. Hate to sound petty but I wouldn’t meet with her without the 2 weeks notice anymore. Just strictly how it’s ordered.

I’d offer for her to have your son for a weekend during your time, in exchange for a weekend during her time. I have my kids Sunday afternoon to Friday afternoon most weeks out of the year but when their dad has asked to have them longer I’ve always said yes, and vice versa. This is what co-parenting is all about, working together and communicating xx

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So then stick to court order - strictly.
She’ll come around cery quickly then

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So if she gets 1 weekend a month… then switch the weekend that works best for her then she still gets to see him… plus maybe add a few more days or holidays…

It sounds like the only vacation they would get to take would be during the school year. I don’t think she should be hesitant about giving up a time if it was a chance for the child to go experience something. That’s just selfish on her end.

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That’s just being selfish. You get your child way more than she does. You see your child every single day of the school year. You get to wake up every single day with your child. You get to tuck your child in every single night. Let her HAVE HER TIME.

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To provide a contrary view, you have your son A LOT more often than she does. It’s nice that you’ve worked with her on one weekend a month, but try to put yourself in her shoes and imagine seeing so little of him, only to be asked to give up more time.

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I would got back to court because now that she lives 2 hours away the visitation should be changed to a local agreement.

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It would be nice for her to let that happen unfortunately she doesn’t have to. Now that u guys r closer I’d go back to court and get custody switched week to week. Meet in Friday’s and make the hr drive. (1/2 way for each) most likely will be easier for everyone in the long run!

She doesn’t have too. You can ask but expect a no as an option. Her time is her time.
I personally think its fair. But she might not. Keep in mind, her time. Her say.

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She needs to be shown the olive branch you have given and that you’re not asking for too much.

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She doesn’t understand why you want to see your son ? Maybe cus you love him??? Lol , I believe this is fair.
Could always offer an extra holiday?? Hope you two figure this out :pray:t2:

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In the summer, my ex husband and I do every other week. Our son is with me one week and the next is with his dad. I don’t see why this cant work if your child’s mother is close by now. Get an amended agreement.

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Back to court. They don’t care about kids having fun with both parents

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You should do what is best. Ask the 10 year old how they feel. It’s not about the parents it’s about the kids.

She should be fair and do what is best for the kid. That being said go back to court and follow court orders. Not everyone can play nice.

It’s not wrong if you give the same opportunity in return

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It’s fair. But I’d she doesn’t ant him. I’d see if family would take for a weekend. U asked her first atleast :disappointed:

Check the custody agreement, the standard agreement (at least in my state) says that the non custodial parent gets the month of July, but the primary parent can have one weekend during that period.

I don’t think it’s a problem but my ex and I don’t really follow court order-we just swap if there’s ever a need and accommodate each other’s schedules as much as possible.

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It should be able to be worked out somehow.

Ppl should keep kids best interest in mind. Work together…

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