Would it be wrong to leave my daughter alone with her hard to wake father?

Would it be socially acceptable to leave my 4 year that is already asleep at home with my husband that is really hard to wake up and is sometimes says terrible things to the person trying to wake him? Backstory. I am blessed with a part-time job with flexible hours that is a mile away from my home. I have been a Stay at home mom for four years now. I have been reading reviews that employers tend not to hire moms with a job gap, so this is the perfect opportunity. After bedtime is the best time to complete this job and not give up family time, it usually only takes me between 1 and 4 hours a night to get my job completed. My child sleeps through the night. We still have a monitor in her room that I can access over wifi on my phone. On difficult nights, I usually keep that app open on my phone and check it every few minutes at work. If I notice she isn’t in her bed, then I can get home rather quickly. I’m still a little hesitant about it, though, because my husband is super hard to wake up. What are your thoughts on this situation? Would you leave a four-year-old at home with an adult that wouldn’t wake up in an emergency? Does access to the monitor and knowing that I’m just a mile away make this situation any better?

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Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. Would it be wrong to leave my daughter alone with her hard to wake father?

Honestly mama you do what you’ve gotta do. Is there any way husband could stay awake until you returned from work?

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I think since you can watch her on the camera and be home quickly I wouldn’t worry too much. You can also get her a tablet and download kids messenger so she has a way to call you if that would make you feel better

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Why doesn’t he wake? Is he medicated? Is the job every night? I hate to say it but what happens in for some reason healthwise you had to be in hospitable or away from the home for a period of time he would have to step up and wake up.

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Sounds like u already are doing it… maybe if she has a way to contact u

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I’m a single mom and I am extremely hard to wake! We have found a way to live with it!

I think as long as you can check up onto four year old you are fine
Probably will never wake up while you are gone
My worry is if you are the four year olds caregiver during the day and you work at night when are you getting time to sleep so you can be a good mom
You can’t pour from an empty cup

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my husband sleeps super deep and is hard to wake up at times i still leave my daughter at home with him and they typically nap at the same times she’s 2.5 and as soon as she comes up and hits him in the head a few times screaming wake up daddy he’s up lol

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Personally, I wouldn’t.

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If you you have ask this question than I think you know your answer…. Clearly you are unsure of her safety … in other words no I would not leave her. Esp if you can’t count oh your husband to 1. Wake up and 2. Be kind to her if she wakes him up. I would think if your daughter is waking up in the middle of the night it’s for a reason and that she needs an adult. If he doesn’t wake up for her and or if he is mean to her the situation can go very bad fast.

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He may sleep lighter if he knows he’s gotta be there and soley responsible for the kiddo. I used to be a deep sleeper. Still am. Somehow when my child’s around I wake up for him

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Id leave her.i wouldnt even do the camera thing.tell her and him they need to work it out.let him parent.given the responsibility im sure he will rise to the task.

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Nope, can’t say that I would. If a fire breaks out and your husband doesn’t immediately awaken, it could be bad. Even if you are only a mile away and something like to were to happen, you may not make it back in time.

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My husbands the exact same way. And I’m just stating from experience that my husband has slept through a tornado and everything else because he sleeps so hard. No meds or anything. Just working hard. I was hospitalized for 3 weeks and his fatherly instincts kicked in and he would be up multiple times a night to check on our 3 kids, 4 years old and under. She will be fine and his instincts will kick in and he’ll know if something is wrong.

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I didn’t read this. Sorry. The answer is NO!
YOU ARE AN ADULT. FIGURE IT OUT. YOU KNOW WHAT TO DO. YOUR THE ONLY ONE WHO DOES. DO WHAT YOU KNOW. SHES A CHILD. A BABY. YOU KNOW WHAT TO DO! STOP SEARCHING FOR AN EXCUSE.

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Yes don’t leave her alone with him

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He should be responsible enough to make himself get up. :woman_facepalming:t2:

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I wouldn’t. You can only get home so fast. I mean if she wakes up, and needs him but he doesn’t wake up that can cause her to panic and anything can happen at that point. But in another comment you did you were hospitalized for 3 weeks and he didn’t have any issues so I guess he does have it in him.

Maybe dad should set an alarm?
If you can see her, call him to wake him up.
Not that I think anything bad will happen but she’s 4. Your home might get redecorated :rofl:

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Talk about something thats hard to live with, nothin is worse than regret, if something catastrophic happens you might think you could blame him for irresponsibly sleeping like a coma but you would blame yourself until the guilt would crush you, protect her and protect yourself

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Follow your gut feelings

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My bf is the same way sleeps hard and is horrid to wake up but when it come to our kids waking him up he’s up immediately

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His dad instincts will kick in you should be ok

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I have always lied about gaps in my resume and never had a problem.

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What u should be concerned about is if it a safe not if it’s socially acceptable. If you’re second guessing the safety of it tho than it’s probably a bad idea. Only you know how heavy he sleeps and how that would go.

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The fact you even asked this is just proof you know it’s WRONG. :roll_eyes:

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Why can’t your hubs be awake for that time?

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If he’s tired and needs to sleep from working then maybe hire o e of your relatives older kids to stay while you are gone or leave the 4 year old with someone, a neighbor if you don’t have any family members close by.

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I just want to add that even if my husband is home he is sometimes working on a car and it’s lifted up on jacks or doing the yard, running a lawnmower or whatever and if I have to go somewhere i usually have my 5 year old stay in my moms room and they watch movies together. It’s not always about the other parent being irresponsible.

Put a glass of water beside the bed teach the 4 year old if dad won’t wake up and u need him dump this in his face :woman_shrugging:t3: also teach your 4year old how to speak to the monitor to get ur attention, leave the app open

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Sounds like you’ve got it covered, I wouldn’t worry too much if you can be home quickly.

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In the absence of a legitimate medical issue, Tell him to GTFU and be a parent!
If there’s a fire he is responsible to get the kid and himself out of the house.

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I think would not. My opinion. I have a son sound sleeper to dangerous

If she is a good sleeper then do it if dad normally doesn’t leave things on that shouldn’t be left on and get some kind of alarm to put on the outside of her door or on yours so if she wakes up he can hear it (them things are annoying)

Okay but like so many people wre making excuses for him. And I just dont get it. If moms can literally do everything with no sleep dad can step up while mom works. If that means he stays up for a few hours so he doesn’t act out if the little one wakes up then so be it.

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No I wouldn’t leave a 4 year old with someone hard to wake. Im just the nervous type though.

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If you have to watch your child on the monitor while you’re working and come home if you notice she’s up because your husband won’t, absolutely not. My husband also sleeps VERY heavily and I know for a fact that he doesn’t wake when our baby cries or is moving around so unfortunately, I wouldn’t trust him to respond or react to her if I wasn’t there.

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Get her an air horn and while you’re there let her try it to see if that wakes him up right beside him. If not…no chance I’d risk leaving her alone with him just too dangerous. Frankly if he sleeps that soundly it would make me nervous anyway.

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Lol well if you can’t leave your 4 year old with her father because you’re afraid what will happen to her if she tries to wake him then why are you woth him?

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I wouldnt. You never know what could happen. If he’s q deep sleeper I wouldnt trust it

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My husband is a deep sleeper but honestly you would be surprised the difference between a wake up from
Anyone other then our toddler. If she cries or anything he pops up and takes care of it so I am not sure of your situation. But you could get her a cow bell or something and he should wake up to it and know that it’s time to snap awake.
Unless he has a true sleeping disorder I would think you could come up with a plan. Or get the toddler a tablet and have them FaceTime or video call you in case they wake up as well? I think there are multiple ways you can make this work until you are more comfortable.

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Tell him that at the end of the day, you’ve both made a home together and the majority of stuff is where it always has been and you don’t mind helping him find something if he’s genuinely looked everywhere for something and it’s clear that thing isn’t where it should/normally be. You manage to look and find things with minimal help unless you seriously can’t find it, so as an adult, so should he

No. It’s actually dangerous and if something does happen you won’t make it on time 1 mile is still time to get to your kid. At least wait till she goes to school.

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No I wouldn’t leave her
She needs supervision, anything could happen xx

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Make up a bed on her room floor after she goes to sleep and have him sleep there IF he had to sleep while your at work.
AND POLITELY remind him a toddler is waking him up BE NICE OR HIS A*S is going to he permanently sleeping on the floor.
My husband too is heavy sleeper. When I aint home he MUST stay awake. If he can’t I can’t work. I worked overnights once wince having a child. My child was still in crib.
Could you put baby gate up to her room door way.

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Put an alarm on your bedroom door… That way, when your 4 year old opens it, the alarm will at least stir your husband so that he can prepare himself to deal with your child. Or, find an overnight care facility 🤷

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As a single father reading this, these Comments are disheartening I get him being a grouch waking up, I get that in an emergency he’s hard to wake, some of these are for sure valid reasons for being concerned the main thing is does the child sleep through the night? Has the husband been asked if he’s okay with this arrangement? If so then I understand being worried about your darling child but if your husband’s not unaware of the situation and you are checking in now and again too everything should be fine the child has their father at home so neither are alone, as a father we aren’t expected to be there for the child usually but as a former stay at home dad before I became a single dad I watched the kids while the wife worked I’m a night gamer so I’d be awake at night most the time too so I’d keep an eye on the kids no problem

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If she is a good sleeper most of the time and you can get to her pretty fast then it should be fine. However he needs to be a parents and learn to get up. I left me kids with their dad while I went to the laundry mat, we lived in an apartment and there were none available in the complex. Anyway I had just had my son, he was maybe a week old and my daughter was almost 2 years old. I left and he was awake with the kids, I get home and he is asleep on the couch with the baby in a bouncy asleep and my daughter in the bed asleep. I go check on her and there is glass all over her. Someone broke into the window that was directly over the bed stepped over my daughter and grabbed my pills off the top shelf and went right back out. Their dad never woke up. We got lucky and no one was hurt but I couldn’t imagine what would have happened if my daughter had woke up and seen the person. We moved not long after that and I ended up leaving their dad when my son was 9 months old.

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I’m here reading all of this being a hard to wake sleeper :upside_down_face::upside_down_face::upside_down_face:

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My partner is a deep sleeper but he says when he knows I’m not there it’s like something switches in his brain and when I’m not there he wakes instantly to our son

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You poor thing, trying to fit in a few hours work at night after a day of work looking after husband and child and house, and you feel you can’t rely on husband to look after a sleeping child for a few hours. He needs to pull his weight. Maybe he can stay up and do some house jobs whilst you’re working, if it’s not too late. I presumed you meant after child’s bed time and not husband’s.

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I wouldn’t. I’d also ditch the waste of space

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absolutely not are you nuts

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why don’t you answer your own question would you feel comfortable having your child wandering in the house turning on the stove and either burning herself or catch the house on fire all whilst your husband sleeps don’t be stupid

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Is he not also her parent? Why should it matter how ge wakes up, she’s 4 and should be used to grouchy wake up dad by now not to mention knowing that except to go to the bathroom if it’s nighttime she should be in bed sleeping (or pretending to sleep).

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I remember years ago in my home town that there was a fire, the Mom had gone to work and when someone called in to say that there was smoke coming from the home, they arrived and the Dad who had been sleeping was outside and told the fire dept that there was no one inside that the child had gone to school…well he didn’t remember that the child was sleeping so the child died of smoke inhalation.

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I would not go to that job personally.

I wouldn’t but my husband doesn’t even properly supervise when he’s awake :roll_eyes:

Yes, honestly parenting is hard and im a single mother so my options can also be limited but ive learned via cps cases that basically anything is neglect and they will take your kids. I left my child with a bf of 2 yrs and he is also hard to wake and irritable when woken… his daughter shared a video with her school counselor of him waking up and yelling at my child bc i have past cps history they tried to remove my children… past cps history involved BD, who is in prison now, beating up his gf while it was his day… so my kids witnessed and instead of moving into a house with no water or electricity i stayed at a house that was much less than clean… all those things combined they claim i am neglectful… i have no driver’s license and yet somehow i make it to work my kids to school everyday

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So as someone who wakes up 24/7 with our kids. If I’m home hubby could sleep through a tornado lol but if im not home he wakes up to our dog moving. Honestly you adapt, express your concern to your hubby and take it one day at a time.

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Sounds like an absolute dream job. Close to home, few hrs per night… I mean, with you have monitor access and everything, you seem to have things covered very well. I don’t see much of a problem with it… Honestly, I don’t see it being any more dangerous than everyone in the household being asleep at once…

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Maybe your husband should step up? But that’s just my opinon

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Can you hire a sitter?

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Give her some melatonin she sleep through night

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My husband is a deep sleeper too but our kids voices wake him up quickly. Kids don’t really give up until the goal is accomplished. They just get louder and louder :joy: mine are 5 and twins who are almost 2.
I think she will be fine as long as you watch her on the monitor. Does she know not to leave the house if she wakes up? Not to turn on stove, not to mess with cleaning stuff ,not to take a bath alone? Etc?

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So… there are things you can get to childproof your house. Hence plugs, stove knob covers, door knob covers etc. And let her know if she wakes up to go jump on daddy and wake him up. He will be ok and you can continue to provide! You have your app and that is a saver for me if you see she has moved run home check on her wake him up go finish and come home. He should be more than capable of pulling his weight. Pray about it and just do what you can! It will work out

There was a child that went missing that was in this exact situation I can’t remember if they ever found her but the boyfriend was asleep on the couch or something and they said she walked out the door. In a situation like this and you don’t have a friend that can check on your child use your best discretion. If you have a way to monitor that’s great, but this is a question I wouldn’t feel comfortable answering considering the stuff that could happen with you not there if he wasn’t to wake up when needed.

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I say do it. If ur child mostly sleeps threw the night. An ur not far and u can monitor her. Go for it. Ppl dont know the struggle of wanting to earn money for ur family. Especially if ur family needs the money. Maybe look into the cameras u can take threw. That way u can tell ur child ull b there give b patient. All these ppl wanna quick to say no. But if a fire broke out would he sleep through it? No u would b surprised. Dont think ur a bad parent if u take the job.

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I mean try it for a few see how it works with leaving her teach her the emergency number if you have too just incase my son is 4 eautism he knows how to call his nana aunt & emergency plus stepdad & bio
If you’re that worried I don’t Leave my son anywhere so all I can say is teach her emergency numbers

I think you spoiled your husband if he doesn’t wake up with your 4 year old doesn’t sound like he’s had to. My husband was hard to wake up before our son was born but that changed quick when he was born and he helped me with him at night. I was staying home with him and dad was working so even working that’s not an excuse

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You can do it mama.
Keep an eye on the camera while you are gone. Night time is meant for sleeping.

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No I would not, you might as well be leaving her alone. My Ex husband was like that because of diabetes, almost impossible to wake up. I never left the kids with him alone when He was asleep until after the divorce. There is too much a 4 yr old to get into if she wakes up, she could get hurt before you get too her. Also your could be held responsible if anything happens since you know He doesnt wake up easy.

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My husband sleeps through anything but oddly wakes up if there is an emergency such as a vomiting child. You are continually checking on a child who is most likely asleep rather than doing your job. Could your husband stay up maybe and you leave a bit earlier if you are worried?

I’d say childproof the heck out of your house. Go earlier once she’s asleep so he hopefully isn’t in DEEP SLEEP. Monitor via the app. The only way to see if it works is to try. I know my fiance is like this and he stayed home for a yr during the lockdowns. Do what works for YOUR FAMILY

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he should stay awake while you work

Leave your daughter at home with her father. See if your job is around her bedtime and you’re done 1-4 hours afterwards and you take her somewhere else that’s just going to interrupt her sleeping. You will be surprised to know that most parents who actually wake up when they know the other parent isn’t there.

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Maybe "dad " needs to wake up like a big boy when momma leaves for work and get ready to take his adult responsibilities like a man. If he is that tired and "can’t " wake up, he may also need an earlier bedtime.

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No. Im familiar with this situation and no.

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If you’re only a mile away, get walkie-talkies. Sounds silly but if she wakes up and needs something she’ll know it’s there. Worse case scenario you’ll get cute questions in the middle of the night :woman_shrugging:

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Why would you put your daughter in that situation ? She’s four years old and putting her at the mercy of someone who she may not be able to work could be putting her safety in jeopardy of an emergency happened.

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Damn, that’s a dumb question. The answer is NO.

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Can you set up a FaceTime that she can communicate with you on. Maybe it’s called portal or something so you can talk to her til you get home?

I say try it. You’re not far and if this is something you want to do give it a shot.

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I hope you don’t have to do this, but if you do, get her a kids smart watch so she can call/text you any time and reach her how to use it. You can preload messages you choose in it like I’m hurt I’m hungry I’m scared I’m sad etc. I personally don’t think it’s safe to leave a child with someone who won’t wake up.

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Not a good idea he needs to be awake it’s part of being a parent

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It would be hard to leave a 4 year old home knowing if something goes wrong its on them to wake the monster. My last memory of my childs father in the morning was him screaming i dont fucking do shit when i wake up it was something he used to do daily at wake up as out child had sore feet a later diagnosis of flat foot high arch with elestic foot muscles which caused her to want to walk later in her life then the rest. It seems like you are doing allot of tip toeing around your husband.

My husband is a hard sleeper too unless you’re trying to be quiet. It’s not bc he’s spoiled as has been mentioned. His entire family is like this. BUT if he knows before he goes to sleep or I do manage to wake him and tell him I’m leaving and the kids are asleep, he ALWAYS wakes up for them. It’s a parental instinct I guess. Give it a try, monitor her and see how it goes. And you’d be surprised how fast a mother can cover a mile if need be

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Socially acceptable??? I’m really starting to believe that this whole page is just a bunch of troll bulshit

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Not if she’s fairly independent and doesn’t get into much. Show her how to use a phone or get her one.

On a personal level…“No” I wouldn’t do it…I think the “what if” this happend and Dad don’t wake up…a simple trip and bang to the head while trying to go to the bathroom…I think those kinda things would play on my mind alot.

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If he knows he’s home alone with her he will wake up you would be surprised what fathers can do

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Personally if I knew my husband was hard to wake up I would not leave my four-year-old home with him unless I personally wake him up first and tell him I’m leaving you with your daughter

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I’m sure if he knew that he’s responsible for the child he’d wake up. But maybe some cameras inside and sometimes like the gizmo watch or a phone or tablet to be able to call you. I have the blink cameras inside I like them you can talk out of them

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Can he stay wakened while you’re out to give you peace of mind ?
Give a neighbour a key so they can get in if there’s a real emergency and Dad doesn’t waken ?
To be honest youll probably find he will not go into a deep sleep when you’re not around and he knows he’s responsible for his child.
Id go for it.

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You sound like you have two kids. He needs to get up if his kid needs him. She’s 4.
You are probably okay but if she’s sick or something you are screwed because he can’t get it together. Other than that this sounds great!

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A grown man that won’t get up? A glass of water and a cattle prod would cure that. From then on all he would need is hearing your feet walking down the hall then he would be up no problem. It worked on my step brother.

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You can’t trust your husband to take care of your child? You have two children. You shoulder the entire burden of raising the child? You don’t have a partner.

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I would not leave her.

In my own opinion, if the father is a hard person to wake and he yells/screams at whoever is trying to get him up then NO don’t leave your 4 year old alone with him at night. All it takes a one second for an emergency to happen at anytime and you’d feel super guilty if you were to watch it at work but unable to get there in time.
I’d maybe see if a family member and or friend/sitter could come stay just while your at work :slight_smile:

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