My oldest is six and picks up on her comments. Back Story: My mother in law has disliked me since day one, and it has escalated lately. It has always been constant rude remarks and passive-aggressive comments about me to my husband and kids, causing fights between my husband and I when our holiday or birthday or weekend plans for the kids don’t line up with what she envisioned, crying and throwing a fit when she doesn’t get her way because my husband is “choosing me over her.” Another biggie? Calling my husband to start an argument MINUTES after I gave birth to our second child about how I’m being “mean to her” by having her wait to meet the baby until after the hospital’s MANDATORY skin to skin time… I really don’t understand because I have always tried to include her, I send her pics of the kids, but I’m still just a nasty person apparently. Long story short: Last night she told my husband she wants to see her grandkids but does not want to see me because she “hates” me, I honestly don’t really want someone that feels so negatively about me around MY children. My husband gets it but also has the “but it’s my mom” mentality. Advice???
well it should have rules she can see the children without seeing you but in turn she cannot speak bad about you in front of the children if she does she doesn’t need to see them.
My mil turned into a total b** after his dad passed away. My husband stuck thru it for a little. It came all to head when she said my oldest wouldn’t amount to anything because she was raised by a single mom(meaning me) he said he was done. He was the last kid to stick around and take care of her. It’s been 6 years and our life is soo much less drama and turmoil.
Nope cant see the kids. What a b*itch hope ur hubby tells her where to go.
Yeah Screw Her the old 
Some people just don’t like you no big deal but work out if you are doing it to be nasty or really are concerned about your kids welfare
Toxic. That’s a nope from me. My children would never be allowed around someone so bitter, resentful and childish. She needs to grow up, show you some respect and then y’all can discuss it.
Until then she can go be bitter by herself. Your children aren’t missing out on anything.
Disgusting. Tell you hubby he can sleep in a bed with his mommy instead of you. See how long that mommy first mentality lasts.
No, I can’t say I would want my children around a person like that. I’m sorry your husband doesn’t stand up for you and demand better from his mother. To me, the only solution for g’ma time is supervised time.
F that bitch. She is toxic. She don’t deserve to be around your kiddos especially after openly admitting that she hates you. If she hates you then she hates your kids. They don’t need to be around her.
She sounds like a narcissist. It is okay to cut toxic people out of your life even if they are family.
Hell no. She wouldn’t be seeing my kids plain & simple. You can’t respect me, bye bye now! how long until she decides your kids are too much like you? Or look like you? And starts picking on them because of it?
She should be allowed to see the kids whether you guys get along or not. The kids didnt ask to be brought in the middle of adult children not getting along🤦♀️an the father shouldnt be made to chose between you an HIS mother.
Hell no! And this was made very clear to my mother in law we didn’t get along for a couple years till my husband and I got married and he had to say things to her multiple times. Finally she got the hint. My husbands thinking is the same as mine, if you can’t respect me/ or even him no matter which side of the family it’s on then you won’t be involved in ours lives, simple as that. We will not allow our children to watch someone or be around someone who disrespects either of us
If its negatively impacting the kids it’s a no
I would have a family meeting, he needs to make it clear that mistreatment of you will not be tolerated. And if she cant deal with being kind and putting aside differences than she doesnt get to be family.
Two years later without speaking to the toxic MIL & his family. We also now have our 3rd bAby together. Happy home without any of them.
My boyfriends dad told my him when we split up for 3 months that if we got back together he didn’t want to be around me too chicken 
to say it to me and now I’m pregnant and he’s eating his words but I’ve told my boyfriend he doesn’t want to be around me he is not to be around my child
It took my husband around 30 years to realize she was playing him.
It doesn’t matter how she feels about you - if she loves her grandchildren she will be civili and kind to their mother. Period. Just like you, because you love your husband, will be kind and civil to her. She doesn’t have to be your best friend, she has to be polite. And it’s your husband’s job to lay that out for her, not yours. If she wants to see your children, you are a package deal and she will be kind. Or she can expect to spend the end of her life alone.
I’d have my husband take the kids some where and her and I would have a talk. I want to know what her problem is and if she refuses to let it all out she won’t be seeing my kids and she can cry all she wants!
Yeah fuck that shit. I wouldnt let her be around the kids at all. If she has no respect for you and talks bad about you around the kids. Then they will grow up and think they dont have to respect you either
Tell your husband that the family he makes is more important than the family he came from. He should do what’s best for the kids and you if he wants to be with you forever. Your husband needs to talk to her and tell her she is acting like a child and get down to why she hates you. Does he love you more? She’s probably jealous honestly.
My last straw definitely would’ve been calling to complain 2 min after birth. She would not have seen the baby in the hospital if I was put in that situation.
No no no no way would that crazy, jealous, can’t let go of her son biotch see my kids.
Fuck her. Block her and hell no she can’t see the kids. Evil witch
No they would not go because this is exactly how HATE turns worse. Children learn from observation and the last I would want for you is to have one of your children say I hate you. Please do not let them go. The world we live in right now is based on HATE. Think about it before you let them go.
No you hate me you hate my kids then bc they are apart of me
No. Those r your children. U have apparently tried your best to include her and make her a part of your family. But apparently it’s not what she wants. No one should ever say anything bad about u or your husband to or in front of your children. No matter who it is. And if she cant have the respect for your children’s feelings and her own child’s feelings not to do that then she should no longer see them. Period. Trust me I have been thru this and I have cut negative people out of my life because my children deserve better.
Kick her to the curb you dont need that disrespect
Nope. My kids dont go where I’m nut welcone and if he was any husband, hed have cut her off along time ago… she’s comfortable talking s*** about you because he allows it. my husband would never allow that from anybody.
If I were in this situation, I wouldn’t let her see my kids unless I was with them. Even then, she’s have to keep her comments to herself or I’d take my kids and leave. Her negativity will affect the children and she has no right to put that on them. I would explain to her why she isn’t allowed to see the children and what will need to change for her to be allowed to see them.
Fuck that shit. If she doesn’t support the family as a whole she doesn’t get to see the kids.
My husband wouldn’t stand for it . And he would cut off all communication to her 
She is a raging narcissist. Your husband will have to make a choice because she is toxic. If he chooses to stay involved, then she needs severe boundaries that are not flexible. Narcissists are toddlers in adult bodies and that is how you both will have to respond. A united front. There is no other way. If he is OK with her poisoning your kids minds and making him choose, then she has got to go!!! And you need to be firm about your boundaries. Expect ugliness to continue but remove yourself from it every time. You cannot let up for a second. Narcissists learn who they can and cannot manipulate and are able to act Accordingly. Your husband has to be with you in this.
Just quit talking her that’s what your child is picking up from is his grandma saying nasty things bout you
I would be worried she would take her hatred out on my children so no, I wouldn’t let her take them
Put on your big girl panties take care of her ass
Absolutely not. I’d be done with her completely. When it comes to my child, it’s all or nothing. If he’s not welcome somewhere, I’m not going either. And if I’m not welcome somewhere, he’s not going. I would not let him around someone that hates you. He is your flesh and blood. So if she hates you, she doesn’t need to be around your kids.
Your husband needs to speak up and let her know she needs to get along with you and to start respecting your marriage. That’s bullshit. Sorry you’re going through that!
I have been dealing with the exact same thing from my ex MIL. That’s why I have a first right of refusal in my divorce papers. So my kids are to come back to me if he’s unable to care for or watch them. He just got engaged after being together 2 months and she told my kids that was going to be their new mother. Ummm, no, I’m not dead! If she’s like that now, she’s more than likely never going to change. Good luck
Run away. It gets worse. Your kids will see it and repeat it. Unfortunately. My husband loves his mom. Loves her. But at the end of the day I am his wife. He will always put me first unless there is a reason she needs him. Obvious reasons being hospital or something. But day to day I am first. He sees it has I gave him his children I need to be respected. It’s a fine line for your husband to walk. His mom who he owes everything to and his wife his family his future. If you are doing anything to include her I would stop. Don’t dip to her level but try to live life with out thinking of her. His mom has never been an issue. That was my mom. Been 4 years out of our lives and we are better for it. If the grandparents can’t respect the parents the kids won’t either. Sad the situation she has put you and your family in.
You need to go out to coffee and have a conversation.
Invite her to discuss her feelings and listen.
Then work it out or cut her off, life is too short to be unhappy all the time.
Also, you’re better than me, because I couldn’t deal with anyone talking shit about me to my kids 
As long as they DNT I’ll bout me in front of the kids ND if they loved them than yes
Hell to the no, toxic is toxic no matter who the hell it is
Those children are half you… if she doesn’t like you, does she truly love your children? That being said… until she can learn to be kind and love and appreciate you genuinely she has no right to see or be in the presence of your children. You don’t half love a child - you love the whole child and that includes the 2 people that created said child 
Does she do this in front of the kids, or treat them badly? If the answer is no, I see no issue with her seeing the kids. If she treats them badly or is disrespectful to you or your husband in the presence of the kids, I would cut ties completely. My MIL is the same way and that’s what I had to do.
Nope, Nope, Nope!
I don’t care if Jesus himself wanted to see my children if I wasn’t welcome then they’re not going
This was my ex MIL to a T. Even had her own baby shower that I wasn’t invited to and never saw the items. Took my son to everything I said I was excited about doing with him as his first things. When she would watch him, she would do it. I quit talking to her. It wasn’t till she sent a nasty email that I had proof and my husband at the time finally saw it. I swore off having more kids. After she passed I had another son. They don’t get better. Unless your husband sees it and defends you, it will never change. Oh and when she had him she would call me mean mommy and say I said no when she didnt want him to do something.
The whole “you’re choosing your wife over me” argument is worrisome. It makes it seem like she wants to be the #1 woman in his life, and is jealous that he’d side with you. That’s a very toxic mentality if you ask me so I’d be cautious about the kids spending time with her.
Hell no I wouldn’t let anyone see my kids who say shit about me and I haven’t at all my daughter hasn’t seen anyone since was born in March besides her fathers family
My kids are an extension of me. People do stuff to children to spite people everyday. So no, no one who dislikes me will be unattended around my kids and if they can’t act peacefully in my face then we can cut contact altogether.
Had that issue with my husband’s cousin. She didn’t like me based off of rumors she heard from someone we both used to be mutual friends with. She’d try to get him to leave me, refuse tip talk to him if I was around him, call me names to him. Then she tried to get him to sneak away with the kids to visit her while I was at work. I straight up told him no, that hes a grown man and I’d he wants to go to go, but she was too never be around my kids because they don’t need to heart or be around that kind of negativity. He understood. She ghosted him when she got a boyfriend though, so that was kind of a weird ‘family relationship’ dynamic she has
Similar situation with mine. I just tolerated her as best as I could and made it clear that her comments weren’t going to be acceptable. Husband finally cut her off about 6 months ago because of some things she said to him. We will gladly welcome her back into our lives if she ever grows up and realizes you can’t just treat people that way and expect them to accept it as just who you are. She hasn’t asked about seeing the kids in 6 months and I actually invited her to a birthday parade we had for the 5 year old and she didn’t come so as far as I’m concerned, it’s up to her to fix it
Sounds like a toxic mother in law but if she doesn’t speak bad about you to the kids then yes but how would you know that persons are sneaky and manipulative. Be careful if you feel threatened then she got no business being around your kids. My kids don’t like their grandma and I can’t and won’t get in because they should be able to dislike whoever they want.
She’ll just teach your kids to hate you. Keep her away from them.
My husbands family hates me, no reason they just do for the last 20 years, so I make sure to go to all the family functions and I’m so fucking nice to them it hurts. I’m always smiling I make sure they know I’m there. Kill them with kindness. Your Kids will grow up one day and realize the kind of people they are. Kids are not dumb. I make sure to hug them everytime I see them. I’m so nice I irritate myself sometimes 
If she don’t want to see the you then that goes for the kids too. They came out of your vagina not hers. If he don’t like it tell him to go back up his mothers vagina. Sorry I don’t go for that those are your kids that’s unbelievable. Tell her my kids ARE me so you basically hate them too. You don’t need to explain or say anything else. If your not welcome then the kids ain’t either I mean would you go by someone who don’t like ur kids or ur husband? Not at all. Stick to your gut
I would have cut that shit along time ago. I would have openly said if you got a problem with me speak to me about it
Id keep my kids from her toxic ass… Its not like she doesnt say things around the kids about you… She talks shit to them about you… Thats a big no no… Put your foot down
Id be kicking my husband to the curb. He married you and only you. His mum is just his mum. Forsake all others, even includes parents. He should be in your corner supporting you and not being a mamas boy. Id never let my daughter see someone who hates me. Hate breads hate. And soon theyll be calling you the same things grandma does bc grandma does it. Forget that. Your husband needs to grow his balls and tell his mum to get stuffed. You dont need that and your kids sure as hell dont desrve that. Toxic is toxic is toxic even if it is family. Tell him to step up or step out.
Nobody deserves to be treated like that…she apparently lived through her son and has no life but him. I would draw a line and tell her myself that if she cant start to act respectful to me then she won’t be spending any time with her grandchildren. Don’t let your kids see that it’s okay to treat someone like dirt just because they are blood. Do what’s best for you and your children…your husband better get on board because I would be pissed if my husband allowed my MIL to talk about me and to me like that! He’s in the wrong also!
If that woman loved and cherished your children she wouldn’t be trying to hurt you through them.
If she honestly loved your kids she would put any issues aside (or bring them up with you in a nice matter) and try to fix any unpleasant moments. She would want to see her sons family HAPPY!!
She sounds like nothing but drama! If you continue to allow this nonsense she will only get worse.
There’s so much I could say…
But I’d rather not.
Just know that I feel you on this 150%!!!
Isn’t it amazing how an in law can be so childish, hateful, spiteful and jealous?!
My monster in law drives me absolutely bonkers, and hubby was always finding excuses for her attitude and actions.
Until one day she called the cops on him and put an AVO against him all for standing up for himself, me and our two babies! Even threatened to take us to court for custody of the kids, (which the courts laughed because in no way at all are we considered “unfit”. They even told her to get over herself and she was some piece of work 
He hasn’t spoken to her since.
She’d always tell our children that we don’t love them, that we don’t love each other, complain about me or their dad, even complain about them too!
She now wonders why I won’t let her have our children or why we don’t visit.
Always a pity party with her and always one sided. Lucky to hear from her once every couple of weeks, if that.
11 years later, the woman still doesn’t like me. And I’m ok with that, because I don’t like her either!
I could say a million more things that she has done to try to destroy my little piece of happiness, but I won’t cos it gets me SO bloody frustrated, its not even funny anymore.
At the end of the day, yes she may be family - but family can be toxic.
And I have no room or time for toxic in my life.
As the penguins say - “Just smile and wave boys, just smile and wave.”
Take your children and leave. If your husband doesn’t stand up to her, LEAVE. It will only get worse.
My best advice to you, and this comes from experience, is to get this book immediately, read it immediately and then read it again. From your post I can tell you have no idea the hell that you are in for. My mother-in-law’s constant malignant narcissistic antics destroyed my marriage, destroyed my family, and bankrupted us. I discovered far too late that I was being gaslighted, and the second chances that I gave this woman are too numerous to count. The reason why I say read it immediately and a second time is because the first time you read it every paragraph reminds you of actions she took that cause chaos in your family and the ways that you didn’t even realize that she kept your family anxious, emotionally exhausted, and at war. But more most importantly your children will be permanently affected by her behavior and the divisiveness that she creates. My statements may seem outrageous, but read the book (and reread); prepare to be shocked into consciousness. Hindsight, the best thing I could have done was to convince my husband to move as far away from her as possible, I’m talking across the country. Good luck, you don’t even know how bad you need it.
Nope she should have no contact with your children of she has openly said she hates you and I would sit down and tell him I know she is your mom but I will not tolerate her saying she hates me and doesn’t wanna see me but wants my kids nope sorry she is awful and doesn’t deserve to see you or the kids
Of course she- adult relationships should not effect the kids. If she loves them and is good to them she should definitely get to see them. I’d make it clear she can’t talk shit about you in front of the kids
Whew girl you are better than me. I would’ve been cussed her a** out. He would’ve gotten cussed out too if he took her side. She wouldn’t see my kids until she grew the hell up. You could dislike someone and still keep it civil. She’s the type that would talk about you in front of your kids.
I would keep them away! You DO NOT NEED THAT NEHATIVITY in yours or your kid’s life!
Kudos to you for putting up with this at all!! I wouldn’t put up with this type of behavior no matter what. Life is too short, and it’s going to teach your kids disgusting traits.
Nope. Tell your husband you won’t allow his mom to teach your kids to disrespect you. If he insists he also doesn’t respect you.
Tell her she’s either going to get over it and respect you as the mother of her grandchildren or she won’t see them🤷🏼♀️
Classic Monster-in-law. Time for your hubby to lay down some rules including RESPECT for his wife and mother of his children. Like he said… it’s HIS mother. To Hubby … Step Up and Stand Up for your family.
She’s toxic. I wouldn’t let her around my kids unless she starts showing some respect.
I understand that she’s his mom, but he needs to stand up for you. If she talks that way about you in front of the kids then she’s creating a toxic environment. She openly says she doesn’t like you to your husband then obviously she doesn’t respect you or your kids. I wouldn’t let her see them until she stopped playing games and grew the fuck up. You also need to sit down with your husband and let him know you and the kids come first and he shouldn’t let anyone disrespect you! If he calls her out and tells her if she doesn’t respect you then she isn’t seeing the grandkids. If she loves them she’ll bite her tongue.
Nope if she is going to b toxic then she can forget about the grandkids and ur husband can deal with her. There is no reason for her to b acting like a old bitch.
Nope. My kids wouldnt be around here. It would be one thing if she could be a silent hater but she is not. So nope.
If your husband gets it then he should put her in her place. Nobody should come before his wife. It is in the vows.
She is TOXIC! My own mother was toxic so I get it. And you don’t want to cause problems so you try to do what you think is right for arguments sake… right? But the thing is, if she were just ANYBODY would you or your husband allow your children around her?! JUST BECAUSE IT’S FAMILY, DOESN’T MAKE IT RIGHT. Until she is respectful and loving to you, she will NOT be respectful and loving to your children. Manipulative… maybe. Healthy, respectful and loving? NO! It isn’t in her DNA. Set your boundaries and stick to them! Until she can treat you with respect, you have no reason to belief that she won’t bad mouth you when you aren’t there. It is your responsibility to protect your children! Protect them! Even if it is their grandmother. Just because it’s family DOESN’T make it right!
Nope nope nope. Tell her if she wants to be a disrespectful bitch she can do it by herself. She can be around HER kid(s) and talk shit( still messed up if your husband lets her bad mouth you around him) but NOT YOURS. You have the right as their mother not to let anyone around your children who is disrespectful to you.
Mother in law or not she wouldn’t be around my kids. I’d try to sit down and have a very matter of fact conversation with her. Find out why she doesn’t like you and see if the relationship is repairable. Then you can say you tried! Go on about your life without her in it.
Sounds like your husband needs to step up and put his mother in her place.
I had this issue with in laws, including his sister. Huge part to why we separated, it just got too much, fighting all the time and just constant bad moods. I tried talking him through stuff, helping him see both sides and yeah trying to make him make a stand either to me or them. Towards the end, he would do things with them without us. Just put that extra wedge in the gap. Really need to get this settled. I honestly suggest counselling. One thing my ex refused to try.
Move far away from her!
I can put up with the hating me part lol cause idgaf who likes and doesn’t like me, but talking shit about you or being a bitch to you in front of your children? Nope. I won’t put up with that. I don’t care you who are to me or my husband, if you can’t respect us enough to not talk shit about one of us in front or or to our daughter, then you don’t need to be around her anymore
Yes it’s his mom but you and your children are his family now and if she can’t accept you all as a family she really doesn’t accept any of you. She sounds toxic and I most definitely would not want my children around such things - she needs to resolve her issues before she doesn’t have a son either. Good luck sweetie.
No I don’t care if it’s his mom. Suppose he were to get the same treatment from your mom. It’s also bad for the children to be around that kind of drama
I understand where you’re coming from had a ex mil that hated me. Unfortunately the kids aren’t just yours they’re his kids too. If y’all were to split up she’d still see them any way and wouldn’t be able to do anything about it. I say try to be the mature one stay away let the kids see her but warn your husband if she bad mouths you in front of them that she will not be allowed to see them. Since he’s not standing up for you I’d say those are your only two options it sucks but unfortunately that’s their grandma and not much you can do to change it.
My husband wouldn’t stand by his mother if she acted this way.
Your husband needs to have a long talk with his mother about respecting you. I also wouldn’t let anyone who didn’t respect me around my children. What may be said in their presence could influence their behavior towards you and that’s not ok.
Seems like she would fo anything just to spite you. Definitely wouldn’t leave her alone with your children
She is toxic, don’t let her see your kids.
Mommy never cut her apron strings. I would sit your husband and monster in law down…together and tell them how you feel. That way she knows you mean business and can’t manipulate your words to your hubby cause he will be there.
When she bad mouths you to your husband you have got to tell him End Off, your marriage is not a game, he should be right behind you he should have your back every step off the way, his friends would not be allowed to talk this way about you, his mother does End Off. You have to tell him to make the choice his mum or you and the kids it is time to stand up for you his Wife you have emotional rights god this angers me so much, your husband should never had let his mother do this to the woman he loves and is married to, she is a horrible woman and does not deserve you or your children in her life I would not forgive her she has nothing you want and I hope to god you don’t think she does Your husband, stay firm stay strong 
xx 
Cut her out of your life. No one needs toxic shit in their life
We have a similar situation, only she does it to her son, my husband. We have 2 boys that think their daddy is the most awesome man in the world. I told her off and told her that if it happened again we would be done. Think what you want about me or my husband, but don’t ever bad mouth either one of us in front of our children. Period.
Nope. Not going to happen. If she can’t respect you, the kids don’t need to be subjected to that. I am a Christian. I say this because I know some will say, turn the other cheek, have to love everyone etc. God doesn’t say we have to put up with toxic people. I have experienced this myself. MIL was horrible. When my daughters asked me why I let MIL treat me that way I stepped back. Took about 5 years. Husband still visited but not me and daughters. My husband did not stand up for me for a very long time. He finally saw it. Things are much better, but I took control of the situation. You and the children don’t deserve to be subjected to to her bile.
No, you shouldn’t allow it. I experienced that growing up. My grandmother wasn’t as blatant about it but we saw it. She treated our cousin better because she didn’t like my mom. Your children should not be exposed to that.
You’re his wife. And don’t think your children don’t notice or pick up on the complete disrespect she is showing you. She doesn’t like you, then she technically doesn’t like your kids either since they are part of you. Stay away from her until she can grow up and be respectful. She’s toxic.
I saw a quote not to long ago…" Don’t let your family ruin your family"…I had to read it twice to understand it. That quote has been a game changer. Words I live by!
Toxic. I’m had to cut ties with my mother and ex MIL. I did not want MY child around that and growing up thinking it was ok to act that way and to take that abuse. I’m sorry.