You wouldn’t subject your kids to someone who hated them. So why subject them to this vile human.
All those MIL jokes…in my case weren’t jokes. Our MIL must be related.
Toxic is not good for anyone. If she hates you she’s gonna take it out on your kids. Been there done that.
BE HAPPY!!
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Nope my daughter removed her mother in law for that same reason only it was her own son that she always being crappie to
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Let your husband handle his side of the family and allow your kids to know their grandparents. You 2 do not get along, so just stay away. Let those days he takes the kids to see their grandparents be your fun shopping day, etc.
Sounds to me like you, your husband and his mom, need to sit down face to face and have a conversation. Doesn’t need to be a loud screaming match, but you all need to know first hand exactly what the problem is. Is she an over protective mom,that just can’t seem to “let go”? Is there something you may have said or done, that didn’t sit well with her? Is there something that she " heard from someone", that has her in a twist? Let her know, that you love her son, and what a wonderful job she did as a mom, to have raised such a loving person ( always helps to compliment). You may be surprised at what happens…I had a similar situation with my MIL…we talked, shed a few tears, but ended up being very close…she passed away several years ago, but I still think about her often…she was a good woman…give her a chance, with an open mind, and open heart…
Simply tell her that if she talks negatively about you in front of your children that she will not be able to see them period! And make sure your husband backs you up on that!
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What your husband needs to say is I love you but mom this is the woman I married and who I love and have children with if you can’t respect her or the fact that I’m married to her without snide a rude comments I’m gonna have to limit my time with you and you will not be able to see the children until you can respect her ,and no I wouldnt allow my kids around her
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Nope I cut my own mother out bc she is a toxic mess who is only out for herself. Do what’s best for the kids and your happiness!!
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I cut my own mother and sister for this very reason. I definitely cut out a mother in law. Wont hurt me 1 bit.
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Is there anything you can do for her? A gesture of kindness to possibly begin at least making a friendship with her? Eating crow stinks but do it for your husband. Perhaps occasionally call and ask her advice on a recipe or something
I would confront her and tell her to “knock of the bullshit and negativity” or she won’t be having time w her grand kids". I like to be straight forward with people
Such mother in law is not worthy of you and your children, bad influence so keep your distance she will never like you
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I pray you will find a peaceful resolution that is good for all of you…
I would cut her out of their lives until she can give you the respect you deserve.
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I had a similar situation with my MIL. I ended up stopping ‘trying.’ I could never make her happy or like me.
No toxic people, period!
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No don’t let this happened to you or the kids. Put her in her place, and leave it at that.you and your kids come first.
No do not subject your children to this, long term all the pain it will cause you will regret
If he puts his foot down and says Im cleaving to my wife she will stop. Especially if you only visit as a family.
I feel you on this one. Now my SIL hates me but whatever. I will just stay away. The other SIL are fake they will smile in my face and talk about me behind my back.
If she refuses to keep her comments to herself she needs to go away
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NO WAY should you allow them there without you! Love my kids, love me because I gave you those grandkids" would be my mantra. I would REALLY be afraid of both the covert AND overt things she says & does that would either undermine my authority with my kids and possibly even alienate them from me.
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My husband had that mentality for a while it took a couple years and even some fights but in the end he told his family that this is my family I choose them you either obey our rule and respect my spouse or dont come around. After 2 yrs they decided to meet their youngest grandchild and were more respectful to both of us. Also never went behind my back with my kids ever again.
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Time for you to tell your husband to get some balls. He needs to tell his mother about boundaries and respect. You and the kids are his family and are #1 and mother needs to respect your wishes because they are his wishes. It’s called taking a united front just like you do with him when it comes to giving the kids boundaries and discipline.
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I don’t blame you for not wanting her around your children. But you’re husband has to stop letting it happen he’s gotta put his foot down. Because I had a sister in law that did it to me and my husband and she wanted hi
To go with her places but not me or my children. We got divorced. But he would not put a stop to it either and it caused a lot of fighting between us
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As I recall, traditional wedding vows specifically include something like “cleave only unto him/her”. Your spouse is supposed to be number one - although I am certainly glad my children and their partners are soooooo good to me! However , I would not stoop to her level by treating her as she treats you - you are too good for that!
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Well, you are in a long term relationship with her so I’ve found that it’s best to learn how to communicate with each other.As hard as it is sometimes to say the truth to someone like that, It’s better just to face them with the truth… kids pick up on everything so it’s better for them to see you doing the right thing. Then they will realize that she`s the odd man out. Perhaps it will be healing. But, what do I know…
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Your kids. Your decision. And when your husband married you, everyone else and their opinions went to the wayside. He is YOUR partner. Not hers. It sounds so blunt. He should be defending you.
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As a mom, I appreciate his respect for his mother; however, she seems like the controlling type. Once he/you give in to her, she will make further demands and it will never stop. She doesn’t have to like you and you don’t have to like her, but if she can’t treat you cordially/respectfully, especially in front of your children, she doesn’t deserve to see them. If your husband wants to bring the kids without you on some occasions, then he needs to leave as soon as something negative is said about you. Let Mom know he’s not standing for it.
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NOPE. If I am not welcome, neither are my kids. My husband can do what he pleases, but I stand my ground when it’s my kids. For the record, we don’t associate with my in-laws for this very reason.
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Accept the fact that you and his mom do not get along. I would rather the truth be told then to go around perpetrating a lie. This too shall pass. Live life to the fullest with people who loves you. Remove yourself from negativity, it is draining your soul.
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Toxic is toxic even if it is family. Your mother in law is very toxic. You need to keep your kids away from her. If she hasn’t it will only be a matter of time before she turns her toxicity on the kids when they get old enough to not do what she thinks they should. Your husband has to get a sack and a spine and set boundaries with this monster in law. I was forced by my therapist to set boundaries with my own toxic family. It’s the best thing I ever did for my own mental health and peace in my life.
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Your husband really needs to fix that. She already doesn’t like you so you can’t do anything effective with her. But, I would make it crystal clear to my husband that if he doesn’t put her in her place she will not have a relationship with her grandchildren.
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He’s married to you, not his mother! He needs to cut the cord and set boundaries with her! If she can’t be civil, she doesn’t get the privilege of being in any of your lives. Tell your husband to grow a pair. Couples counseling would be good for the 2 of you also. Good luck!
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You married a wimp mamas boy anyone that allows ANYONE to treat you that way does not love and respect you as he should end of story keep your kids away from her
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He needs to stand up for you and his kids. Tell her he’s not going to accept that kind of negativity around his children. He’s raising them differently than he was raised, and he will not allow them to see their mother or his wife degraded by her.
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It’s up to your hubby to fix this by telling his mom to knock it off. YOU are his first priority and he needs to make that clear. He needs to tell her it’s “his” way or the highway.
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There is no way on God’s green earth that the disrespectful woman would ever see her grandchildren. She sounds like a trouble maker and the less you are around her, the better. And hubby needs to grow up and cut the apron strings and tell mom’s that his wife is first and foremost in his life now. If she can’t respect you, hubby needs to let it be known that she won’t be seeing him either!!!
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I have had the same situation going on since I married my husband except it’s my mom. My mom has disliked my husband from day one and he has never done anything to her. She got to the point where she was always disrespectful to him at family gatherings and just wanted to she our daughter. The last straw was when she was publicly disrespectful to him and I called her out on it, which caused a huge scene at my daughter’s soccer game. I held my ground to her and told her we were no longer goi f to be a part of each other’s lives until she got help for herself and started respecting my husband. It’s been a year and she hasn’t wanted to change. I’m not backing down. You have to create healthy boundaries
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I agree if She doesn’t like you. She needs to put her differences aside and be a GMA to your kids. And your hubby needs to let her know that if she disrespects you at all in front of your kids that she may no longer be a part of them and stick to what you say. Her feelings towards you has nothing to do with the kids…
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From a fool who took it not long though but he needs to tell mother if my wife isn’t welcome neither is my kids and l she should never make him decide because the wife and husband become one accord in the eyes of God she reallt needs to step aside and your husband needs to stand up for his wife
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Your husband needs to step up those children are just as much you as they are him, and if she cannot get along with you then she has no business in their lives because she refuses to accept their mother and treat her with the respect she deserves. She sounds like an overgrown baby that needs a good spanking. Grow up or get lost
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Personally I wouldn’t put up with that. He needs to and not you put his mother in her place. If it comes from you it’s just going to create more hatred. It sucks, and yeah it’s going to be a hard conversation he has to have with her…however he chose you and he fell in love with you and you are the mother of his children so he needs to stick up for you 🤷
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Honestly I would tell your husband to get off his mom’s tit! He should be backing you 100%. If she won’t respect you then no she can’t see the kids. It’s time to tell her that she’s not the center of attention and to grow up or stay away.
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I had same kind of Mother-in-law for years - it was mentally healthier for my children to NOT be around her, they thrived & all 6 are successful adults that can now decided to be around her or not.
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First and foremost, you should pray about what you need to do before you do anything else. Then discuss with your husband what your expectations are and ask him his. That way both of yall are on the same page. Then as a United front you can both discuss with MIL what needs to happen. Then do what needs to happen. No if ands or but. That’s it.
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She needs to shape up or ship out! Too toxic for your marriage and family. Her drama is not worth the impact it will have on you and your family. You teach people how to treat you and what you allow is what will continue
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But it’s his Mom? Look buddy, it’s time to cut the apron strings! Keep disrespecting your wife and you wont have one. Not to mention… Great parenting! Allowing your mother to behave that way in front of your kids. Shame on you. I hope this lady divorces you!
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Your husband has to put his foot down. Wife should always come before his mother. Vice versa with the wife’s parents.
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Protect your children at all costs from the negativity. My mother in law loves me to death but I don’t like her because she treats my husband badly and makes differences in our kids. I won’t let them go around her due to her mental health issues that she refuses to take her meds to control.
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She may be mom, but WIFE trumps mom! Mommy’s boy needs to get some balls and tell her it’s his whole family or Nothing! I could never imagine treating my son in laws like that. My daughters would be be all over me in a second! YOU DESERVE BETTER
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Nope. Eff that. Your husband needs to man up and tell her to knock off the narcissism, period.
My fiance and I have long agreed that if his parents, who openly dislike me, utter anything disrespectful or unkind, they will not get to see us or our daughter who will be here any day now. No exceptions.
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This is my life exactly. Here is what we do. I refuse to be around MIL. Period. Too many burnt bridges. But…i still encourage my children to spend time with grandma. They still call her and visit. With my husbands supervision. When MIL says something negative about me or our family unit, husband removes the children from her presence. MIL isnt going to change. We know this. At one point we had cut visits out completely (she didn’t even notice). We want them to see her, but we will not tolerate her comments and spreading of rumors.
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Your husband needs to tell his mom that you are his wife and he loves you very much. He should tell his mom there will be no more interaction with her by his family until she can behave in a kind manner toward you. That includes refraining from making snide remarks.
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Honestly the husband is a big part of the problem here. He allows his mother to disrespect his wife, and that is what has emboldened her to escalate. I don’t believe in ultimatums as a general rule, but in this case, he’s needs to choose…his drama causing mother, or his wife and kids. If you were to divorce, I guess he would still be able to take them around his family, but at least you wouldn’t have to deal with the disrespect and lack of support to your face anymore. Or, he can man up and tell his mother to either stop being evil to his chosen partner, or she won’t be seeing her grandchildren.
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Your husband needs to fix that and fix it quick. Honestly he needs to stand up to her and say she is my wife I don’t appreciate your comments if you can’t control yourself and behave then you will not see your grandkids. He should have done this already. I would not let her around my kids without me. And if your husband can’t or won’t pick you and have her stop then maybe he isn’t good either
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If she can’t grow up and respect you…don’t give a damn about liking you. It’s about RESPECT. Those grandchildren that she wants to see are 50% YOU…How can she profess loving them and hating you at the same time. Think about how you want to be treated, talk to your hubby first, be firm, thorough and get him on a united front and then sit her ass down and tell her to shape up or ship out. She doesn’t have to like you but she had better respect you and any, any, any hint of her speaking badly about you to or around your children, visitation with her is revoked.
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So myself, I’m not fond of my son-law. But never have I made him feel unwelcome in my home or even let him sense this. My daughter choose to marry him and have three beautiful little girls with him. This is my daughter choice. So I send a lot of time praying for them/ him. That is my roll as a mother. To support my daughter and her marriage. You should not allow her to treat you that way . Stand your ground
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He needs to cleave to his wife and let her understand that her nasty behaviour will not be tolerated. If she starts to behave and treat u right welcome her back. No I would not let her around my kids. She is hurting not only ur image nut their little hearts as well. Ur husband needs to be strong on ur behalf!!
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Husband needs to have a serious talk with his mother. You disrespect my wife and say hateful things then we are cutting all ties with you!! Full sincere apology before she ever sees the kids again. She is full of hate and bitterness and there is no way she should be around your kids. The real concern is why your husband has let this get so out of hand. He has to put you first!
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Hubby needs to set boundaries with his mom and have a important convo about what HE will allow HER to do
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Your husband needs to man up… At this point, there ain’t nothing you can do to make it better…
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I know exactly how this feels for 28yrs i lived with a roaming rover & his mother was a place of work, she was always starting crap & loved to be a pain.If you keep letting is happen you and your kids will be second best to her don’t let that happen you deserve better
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Grandparents have an obligation to help keep our children healthy and hating on you is not healthy!! I would say she needs to change that. Maybe therapy?? The last thing you want is to have to constantly justify or explain or stick up or correct her bull. Stay strong
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No way . If she wants to be in grandkids lives she only sees them with you around . And she needs to respect you and keep her trap shut ! If not then it is her choice to not be included in family functions Ect . She would have to be incredibly selfish if she doesn’t abide by those conditions cause the grandkids would be missing out on a grandmother .
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My brother was in a similar situation and he just ignore them. He stayed away from all their family functions . He also never made his wife choose . Never speak poorly of them in front of your children . They will see it for themselves .
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Your husband does need to talk to her about her attitude. I would definitely not let her see the kids until her attitude changes towards you. She doesn’t deserve it.
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In Genesis 2:24 the bible states that when a man and woman marries they are TO LEAVE their parents and become as one. Your husband needs to do that. He needs to respect his mother but he needs to set some boundaries and demand that she respect him and his family. She certainly has no respect for you. It sounds like she simply resents that someone else took first place in his life. She needs to know that if she doesn’t stop the sniping she will be on her own!
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Husband needs to grow a pair and put his mom in her place!
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I wouldn’t have a problem IF & in your case it’s a big IF that she wouldn’t bad mouth you around your kids. From what she ways when you’re around in front of your kids I think she’d take every opportunity to bad mouth you. And I don’t know that you’re husband will have the courage to shut her down. So in your case no, I wouldn’t allow it
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Your husband is the problem! He’s completely spineless and not worth sticking around for if after 6ish years he still can’t or won’t stand up for his wife. What he’s telling you is that you’re not his priority, pleasing his mother is, and that’s not likely to change.
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You and your spouse could go to her and tell her, that there will be no negativity in front of your children! They are your children and she had raised hers and she is welcome to be a part of all of their Functions, parties and etc but once the negativity or hatred is shown toward their mother it stops! All either get along knowing who is the mother and the parents will determine what’s good for their children ! If she chooses to air on the side of hatred she will no longer be a part of their lives! Your husband needs to let her know if he is made to choose in the situation. It will be with his wife and what’s best for her and the children !
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No! She doesn’t get to see them without you. My mother turned my nephew against my brother-in-law. They still have a strained relationship. Stand your ground. You don’t have to like each other but she doesn’t get to interfere with your life.
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As the mother of his kids he should understand how you feel if you don’t want your kids around his mother then so be it if he has a issue with it tell him to talk to his mom and put her in her place it seems like you tried on your part now it’s time for her to grow up and be civil if not then she won’t be seeing her grandkids
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He need to tell her be respectful of you or she won’t see him or her grand kids. She doesn’t have to like you but she must be respectful. We all don’t like everyone we meet but you can still be respectful.
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I so understand this. I had a similar not quite as bad relationship. I finally just stayed away. It still is hard… and if she is going to speak badly about you the children should not be there to hear it. Let your husband go and say honey its fine. Its hard to do… but you will be better off. and he will see it sometime soon. but truth is its his mom… not that it makes it easy. I can tell you after 40 years it was hell
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I would expect my husband to defend me against anyone. If I was doing something wrong, then he can speak to me on it, but I would expect him to ALWAYS have my back.
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My family hated my fiance and his family hated me for a long time. We have a 6 year old together and we both make it very clear to family that they needed to respect our partners even if they didn’t like them. If one thing got said in front of our son we were OUT. Our relationship with out son was more important than our relationship with anyone else.
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Sorry, you don’t like me. That’s alright…“But” you don’t see the kids. You treat me with respect and I will be teaching my children to have respect for you…
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You should be #1 (and only) mom needs to get a life!!
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You are the kids mom, you rule. Those kids are half you. My first mother in law didn’t like me. Fortunately my husbanddid
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Your kids should not be around around this toxic person! You have the right to say so. U til yiyr husband is ready to man up and take care of the situation you and the kids should stay away from MIL.
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He needs to man up or visit mommy on his own. Been married 40 years, 4 children. Tell him how it’s going to be and stick to it!
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Nope, wouldn’t let her around my kids at ALL! What happens when she starts to notice ways you’re daughter is like you? Is she going to start treating her the same? What will she say to your daughter about you when your not around? Nope never.
Also I hate the ‘but fammmiiillly’ excuse. Blood doesn’t make it ok for someone to treat you like shot
Your husband doesn’t get it if he did there wouldn’t be but… She hates you its best that she is not around your children at all. Kids pick up on negativity, and there’s enough stress and tension going around now, without her added negativity. I’ve heard about way too many kids being harmed by family members, she can’t have a relationship with your kids, if she hates their mother.
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My fathers mother hated my mother. We never had contact with her. My father devoted his love and life to our family and let toxic grandma to her own misery
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She needs to cut the apron strings with her son! And he needs to cut his! You have to put an end to the abuse. Tell her she’s not welcomed around you or your children. Cut out all contact until she can grow up & act right. Tell your husband if he don’t stick with you, He can go live with her!!! Stick to your guns!
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Mama needs to learn to let go, and back the hell up!! Hubby better get it together before he finds himself alone.
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She is trying to hurt you in so many ways. I would not have her around my children at all till she gets help. your husband should tell her you all are a family and she needs to accept all of you. A lot of people would have cut them out of your marriage life already. Do not under any circumstances let her be around your children without you.
Your husband does not get it. Until he demands his mother treat you with respect, she can have no contact. This is all on his shoulders.
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Nah I’d tell hubby if I can’t be there my kids can’t be there and if I can be there it cant be a hostile environment or I will pack my kids up and we will go home.
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But we are great friends now and talk a lot because we have 4 kids and grandchildren and great grandchildren
We are better now then we ever were when we were married. But he has changed alot.
nope not no but hedoublehockeysticks nope I’d be playing the frankly my dear scarlet I don’t care she’s ur mother she just said she hates me and u want me to send my kids to hear that. they r ur kids from ur body not hers right id not play with that
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They are YOUR children and if you don’t want them around her and her negative attitude then that’s how it will be. As Lisa said tell your hubby to grow some
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I had kinda the same situation but it was my husbands older kids he is 12 years older than me he had had children rather young with his first wife they were fine with me until I got pregnant with my daughter then everything changed they couldn’t stand me and would often tell him while I was pregnant that my daughter wasn’t his after she was born that stopped bc she’s his twin but still would not call her by her name or my sister she was always referred to as my dads daughter the disrespect got so bad that I told my husband he had to change or he couldn’t be around us. On his grandson’s first birthday he got an invitation in the mail that said my husband was the only one invited it finally opened my husbands eyes and he told his son if my family can’t come with me I’m not going and his son didn’t like it so now they don’t talk anymore
Absolutely not. Husband needs to stand up and the kids do not need that kind of influence
You will never make her happy, just decide if you want to live with this in your life. If not, make a decision. Involving the children will be the worst thi g she does, and will regret when she doesn’t see them. Voice of experience.
Been there. He has man up and stand up for his wife. My ex was a mama’s boy. After 15 years we got divorce.
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Sounds like your MIL has narcissistic personality disorder. I wouldn’t let my kids around someone who hates me either. At least not until they are older and can think for themselves.
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You owe her nothing. They are your kids. Tell your husband to man up & tell her off & stand behind you. I would not let her have my kids. She will learn to love you or not be a part of your or your kids life at all!
Well, she is doing a great job of not only losing her daughter in law but also her grandchildren. If your husband is any kind of a man he tells her to accept and be nice to everyone, even if she has to fake it, or lose him as well. Those children will pick up on those bad vibes. End the relationship if she will not comply