He has to tell her. Does she say inappropriate things to your children about you? If she does it’s emotionally abusive and needs to be addressed. If not than I don’t think I would stop her, it’s sad and childish but as long as she’s not saying things to the kids or other people.
Your kids will figure it out. They see more than we realize. So what if she doesn’t like you. She’s got to deal with you.
1 Like
OR…you can always take it upon yourself to set the boundaries and tell your MIL how it’s going to be. There are a lot of men (my husband included) who will never stand up to their parents over anything at all. Thankfully, we live far enough away that while my kids were growing up I could control if we visited or not. Mostly we did not. It became too complicated and hard for me and they were too demanding on the kids as well. There was a point where I did have to stand up for myself and tell my MIL like it is because I realized that nobody else was going to. Yes, there were and still are many arguments about this between me and my husband but ultimately, I said what I needed to say. My husband did always share what was said about me by her/them. He would forward the emails to me or screenshot the texts or tell me the conversations. That was fine. I only wish he had stood up for me in his replies. Now that our kids are grown they can choose for themselves if they want a relationship with those grandparents or not. Mostly they keep a distance and only share big info with them but they have also learned that those grandparents really only care about things on their own terms and in their own way and that they are not very accepting of me. No kid…even as adults…wants to hear negative things about their mom that they love.
I cant believe mother in law would act that way…I adore my daughter in laws so much and would never meddle in their marriage…what a terrible woman…just cut that piece of poison out of your life until she learns to act like an adult.
1 Like
I believe it is time for your husband to set the limits. It’s either you, your husband, and your children, or nothing at all.
1 Like
I would not let her see the kids unless she had supervised visitation. If even that! And if my husband did not back me up he would be in divorce court. Just saying
Tell her sorry your not welcomed in my home till you show me some respect period.
1 Like
Some day you may regret not allowing the kids to go depends on their age. Very young no. They need to be able to let you know what is happening. Dad should support you but put aside everything and think of the kids.
Tell your hubby to strap on a pair and follow your rules… no one sees my kids with negative attitude and thoughts. Ive kept my kids from seeing their nana for months (and they go there every weekend) because my mom wanted to start drama and talked badly about me to my kids while I wasnt there. My oldest told me, because he is a people pleaser, and im glad he did. She got shut out until she apologized… which NOT easy for her to do because she never does anything wrong 
. But now my mom knows to keep the drama llama at bay if she wants to see the 2 oldest grandkids
1 Like
I have the same issue with my sister in law. So I will not allow my children around someone who shows blatant disrespect towards me
1 Like
Make Hubby go with them to monitor. Have HIM explain that one negative word about & they leave. Have the meeting in a neutral place, like a park.
1 Like
I wouldn’t allow her to see them. If she cannot be nice to you and keep her mouth shut she does not deserve to see her grandkids. She will do nothing but fill their heads with hate.
1 Like
Maybe she needs a mental evaluation before you let the kids be with her without you just in case
1 Like
I would not allow her to see my kids, she will bad mouth you around them, that’s not right, your husband needs to stand up for you
1 Like
She is right he choose you over her when he said I do! Don’t live like this it is painful and wrong .He need to tell her to behave or don’t see us.
2 Likes
Dont try to satisfy her she will just change her goals. Tell herif she wants to see the kids she will have to come to your house when you arehome because you will not allow her to criticize you in front of your kids. A d while she is there if she talks rudely to you or about you she will have to leave
2 Likes
My now x mother in law was similar. Nasty women and to tell her that makes her smile. She told my x he was a disgrace to the family and would go out of her way to always make me feel excluded from all family functions. I leave him and suddenly she’s mother and grandma of the year when she would literally go months without seeing her grandkids even tho we live in a small town and she had the ability to stop and see them whenever. This women goes out of her way to be passive aggressive in front of the kids but they pick up on it and now that I’m gone when he has the kids she’s right there. I had made it clear that the kids are not to be left in her care unattended because of her behavior. He agreed but only to my face and still does what he wants. Your hands like mine are literally tied here. As long as he keeps allowing the contact but you can put your foot down and just go with the kids he can’t stop you…
He needs to say if my wife is the mother of my kids and I love her so get over it or we can just not visit at all and that means even in our home…
1 Like
What is the reason she hates you? The problem isn’t your mother in law it’s your husband. He needs to fix it between you and her. If she doesn’t move on till she grows up and how important family is.
Does your mom in laws mother in law like her??She probably had the same treatment done to her that she is doing to you. Which is not right.
1 Like
He needs to grow up and remind her that he has his own family now. Doesn’t mean he loves her any
less but his family is his first responsibility.
1 Like
No way they are your children if she wants to see them respect is a two way deal if she has no time for you then it’s to bad for her ,she really needs to grow up
1 Like
When a man gets married he’s supposed to make his wife his #1 priority. If he can’t cut that umbilical cord to mommy you need to seriously rethink what’s best for your mental health.
1 Like
Your husband needs to grow a set! When he said I do you and kids become #1. Clearly mother is a control freak and won’t set aside her differences for her son. Stand your.ground
1 Like
Your husband should take up for you. You should be number one to him his mother should be after the kids. I have to wonder why he lets his mother talk to you so mainly in about you so mean. That needs to stop because it is affecting your kids whether you want to believe that or not.
1 Like
That is so sad. She wants to control him and your kids. It tells you in the Bible God comes first, then your hubby, then children. Your hubby needs to stand up to his mom and not let her make your children dislike you. They will listen to her and believe her. I’ll be Praying for you. Maybe you can find a good Church close by and that will help you.
1 Like
Sit down with this woman try to fix it. If not let her see her grand kids as long as she does not talk about you in a negative way around the kids. Your husband needs to have a heart to heart with his mom and tell her you and the kids come first now and he is not going to allow her to talk to you in a bad way or about you.
2 Likes
If he cant stand up to her for you does he really even care about you as much as he should? Sounds like my MIL
1 Like
From experience I would not let her visit without you being there to supervise. Set the boundries and when she crosses it. Politely get up and announce it is time to go and leave.
1 Like
Husband needs to talk to his mother an let her know disrespecting his wife will not be tolerated specufically in front of children. No negative remarks about her.supervised visits. If she breaks rules visit is over.
husband needs to grow some balls and put his mother in her place, every man sooner or later has to do it at some point in life
1 Like
Your children will eventually stand up for you I’m sorry your husband can’t see how unreasonable his mother is being and stand up for you 
Your husband should always side with you. Thats the way it is! Mom raised him, he married you and he should stand by you. His mother needs to keep her feelings to herself and if she “hates” you I would keep my kids away from her. All they are going to do is hear all that negativity about you & that isnt fair. If she cant keep her mouth shut, keep the kids away until she can!
1 Like
This is sad! His Mom needs to get over it or she will miss watching her grandchildren grow up. Believe me, I’ve been there. That’s all a grandma can do!
1 Like
Your husband is the problem here. When he married you, he promised to put you first and he’s not holding up his end of the deal now. You need to tell him to stand up for you or he can kick rocks too.
2 Likes
Boy do I understand! I have been married to my husband for 35 years and I have always known that my MIL never really liked me. She stopped her yearly migration to AZ two winters ago, sold her house 70 miles away and moved into a condo 6 blocks from us last year. This spring she told our daughter that she has never really liked me. I have caught her boldly lying to my face and recently she hung up on a phone conversation about our plans for Father’s Day! I have had enough!
Well he needs to tell “his mom “ either learn to be civil to my wife and the mother of my children or you will NOT see my children !!
2 Likes
Its tough. The children probably love their grandmother a lot and would more than likely want to spend time with her. It could be detrimental to not allow them to see her, not just for the kids. It would be best to set ground rules not just with your husband but with her. You will need to hold your temper and be the adult. She is childish and selfish. She probably has very poor self control. I would explain to her, with your husband present but without the children, that you would love to allow th kids to spend a limited amount of time with her, however the moment she starts arguing, causing rifts with the kids etc, they are leaving and will not visit again until she calls and apologizes and states what she did wrong. My mil was very controlling and often said very ugly things to me.
No! While they are kids. Once they’re grown like, 18, they have their own mind. But, if my child allows himself to be influenced by this person - it’s going to be messy.
No, she may eventually poison your children’s thoughts about you. Her hate for you will soon be felt by them in one way or another and cause something to stir inside of them. Some will say to pray for her, in the meantime husband needs to be told his mother or you
1 Like
We stopped taking to my inlaws for the same reason. My hubby was so used to his parents acting like that. After he got that it wasn’t normal it took them 7 years to come to their senses and we are now talking to them with clear expectations
You ,and your husband need to sit down ,and have a heart to heart talk with your mother-in-law, and tell her if she wants to continue being an important part of of your family ,she is going to need to change her rudeness towards you. The grandchildren do not need to hear negative things at all. Put your foot down ,you and your husband needs to stand together on this, and be strong ,because she’ll probably try ,and over rule you both ,by throwing a fit ,crying and all ,but you tell her to grow up ,time is to short for this crap! I hope this well help you ,if she realizes her son is serious about her not seeing the kids with out you ,plus she needs to start respecting you,she should get the message. Stay strong, just do it
He needs to tell his mother that she did not marry you. He did. He is an adult. You have children together so either get on board or dont see any of you including the kids.
You would think a full grown mature educated loving mom and grandma would try to get along with her son’s wife not only for her son but for the grandkids and the mom since they are dependent on one another.
Aslong as she doesnt say anything bad about you infront of your children id allow it.
1 Like
I am actually the mom aka Grandma. I absolutely cannot stand my sons girlfriend (baby mama). I however have very legit reasons as to my dislike. I however if allowed around my granddaughter would be mature enough to not say anything about her mom. I will always love my son and hopefully he will understand why my husband and I are standing firm. He knows we are here if he needs us. We send our granddaughter gifts and we stay out and away from his toxic relationship. If she is not mature enough to hold her tongue then I would not allow them around her.
I am so sorry that you are going through this. Stick to your guns! My mother in law undermined everything in my marriage. They are your children…until she shows some respect for you, don’t allow her to see the children. They will pick up on the disrespect and maybe even start it themselves. You husband married you, he needs to stand by you in ALL things!!
What is her complaint? Have yall tried sitting and talking it out like adults are supposed to ? if so and she still has prob then She hates you for no reason she must hate her grandchildren also bye bye
Something wrong with her. She’s jealous an that will cause problems in your marriage which it all ready has . Until her attitude changes an grows up she should not be around the kids. She’s a very selfish person, his Mother or not in time she will cause problems for your kids. She needs counseling to accept her son is married.
If she hates you how can you let her see your kids. To talk bad about you to them. Your husband needs to set her straight and maybe find out what her problem is face to face If she doesn’t want you then I don’t think she’s worthy of seeing them trying to get your husband to argue with you. She sounds like a very shallow person. You have the right to do whatever you want & do not have to answer to her & tell her that
This sounds like a sit down with your husband and MIL is needed to clear the air. If the lot of you can’t come to some sort of agreement ( like your MIL doesn’t bad mouth you to your kids and you don’t have to go and be around someone who hates you) then I suggest counseling because there appears to be some deep seated issues.
I recommend your family seeks counseling. Healing and harmony need to happen.
My daughter never went with her Aunt I knew that they did not like her. I was the one to protect her by staying home with me.
My mother in law hated me til the day she died! But she was the best grandma ever to my kids! So i was ok with it
Time for you and your husband to meet with her-away from kids and deal with everything in the open, and then establish boundaries.
It sounds like she doesn’t deserve to see your children. If she can’t be civil to her grandchildren’s mother, she has no right to spew her feelings for you to them and it can’t be good for them.
My sister’s MIL hated her because she took her son. They were military but when on leave they stayed with my parents. He would take the kids to see his mother and she talked about my sister to him until he would get angry and leave. After a few visits over the years, my nieces didn’t want to go around her because she talked negatively about their mother around them. They retired in a different state and rarely saw her. She’s been dead several years but they have not forgottten how she treated their mother.
A husband is supposed to choose his wife over his mother. AND if his mother is very smart and loves her son with all her heart, she will accept and support this. (Mother of 3 sons).
Remove her from your life as much as you can, I mean it, I lived that, not too much in the open, not all the rest.
His mother should be ashamed of herself putting all that stress on you and him
I would tell my husband hes married to me not his mother.She would respect me or she would never see my kids.Your husband needs to get his priorities straight you and your kids or him and his momma
Tell him yeah it’s his mother so he can explain to her that until her attitude changes she’s not going to see the kids.
Sounds like my story. I went thru that for 25 years. I loved her son & gave her two precious grandsons. She hated me and told my kids, but when they asked their dad why, he’d talk to her, she’d lie and our kids would get in trouble. She told me several times, in front of my kids how stupid I am, no common sense, don’t know how to raise my kids and even went to social services to try and take them from me. My husband always took her side in everything. No tears were shed by me when she died.
No. She is not respecting you and if you don’t respect the mom, you are also disrespecting the child.
Your husband has to stand up for you until then she is gonna keep doing it .
1 Like
But now he says he shouldn’t have let it go on.
Nope. My kids would not be seeing her. That disrespect will rub off on them and they will bring it home
You need to protect your children from mil negativeness. She is not right in her attitude. She should thank you for her grandchildren.
If your husband won’t stand up for you, perhaps Christian counseling would help. It is important that you and your husband are on the same page. She is wrong in her actions. Love me, love my children should be your manta. She does not deserve to see the grandchildren with her attitude. She can not be trusted.
He, your husband needs to be a man. The Bible says leave your father and mother and cleave to your spouse. You should come before her especially if she’s acting childish.
Shame on your husband! Stick to your guns! Until she shapes up it is not good to have your kids around her. Maybe you need to re-evaluate your marriage.
I don’t know how you can solve your issue with your mother in law, if it were me Id have as little interaction with her as possible. I had a psychologist say to me once, ‘all you have to do is be polite’, and thats exactly what I would do. But plz plz plz dont withhold her Grandkids from her, children really need their Grandparents in their lives. Believe me if she speaks poorly to your kids and they tell you, be the bigger person and just tell them that not everyone is going to like them and they aren’t going to like everyone, Grandma and I are trying to be friends, sometimes it takes a while but all of you love them. Leave them out of it, please, its too big an issue for children. Good luck.
1 Like
Tell your husband to grow a pait and stand up to his mother. No one should be subjected to that kind of abuse. And what’s that teaching your children?
As women it is to bad that you can’t have a honest conversation and tell her he married oyu and share with her the scripture about leaving your parents and cleave unto your spouse. USusally it is the wife who won’t leave her mom and grow up and be responsible. The pouty lip stops looking cute about age 10. It is childish for adult women to use it or anything else. You might remind her that 1. you have all the cards.2. they are your children and since3 her son is married to you and not her she needs to be a resonsible adult or your not letting her near the children. It will hurt horribly but once you have put your foot down and your plain that this is y our stand she will have to accept it. You have the ability to be kind and respectful
I recall knowing one of those type mothers. Almost jealous of her son liking another woman. She smothered & spoiled him. Momma’s boy he was for sure.
Rough situation it is his mom. He should talk to her and try to understand what she is saying
Your husband needs to man up and you and your children need to stay away from that woman.
I would sit down alone with her and flat out why dhe hates you so much. And go on from there.
No, why would they even want to. They don’t like you.
1 Like
The way I look at it is. Your children are a part of you. She can’t except you then she can’t except your children.
Is she good to the kids? If so hate me all you want but I wont keep them from having a relationship with their grandmother
I told mine since your mother wants you to choose her. Do it. And I left. Weve been married 28 years today ans both of them got the measage
1 Like
His wife and children come first, period.
1 Like
Nope she cant see the kids and your husband needs to have your back.
1 Like
You married your husband not his mother. He needs to stick up for you.
Tell him he can go see het but your childern will not be witness to her negativity toward you. Sorry anti-grandma
No way should the Children be around her.
If she wants your grandkids without you then no. She cant cant have your kids without you or your husband being in their lives.
If your husband is not standing up to his mother and defending you he’s a poor excuse of a husband and a man.
Don’t stop the children from seeing their grandmother, meet in a public place where the children can play and she can see them…speak and hug them, invite your parents also.
Allow an hour, maybe a little longer and then it’s time to go…if possible and weather permitting, same time same place , same open invitation to every one, on another day, make a point to keep your word if the weather is not detrimental to the children’s health and those invited.
Mediation is a good option, you will be present and control the visit, the children will grow up quickly and will make their own decisions if they want to see grandma or not…don’t listen or speak negatively of her…rise above…that is your husbands mother, you are someone’s mother also, all will work out in time.
Say your prayers and ask God for his blessings and every time she upsets you your response “God bless you, for you know not what you are doing”!
An olive branch in the face of adversity.
No luck needed …YOU got this. 
Send your husband to talk to a family counselor or therapist. He needs to get his priorities straight and act upon them putting his wife and his kids first.
1 Like
Here’s my advice your story is mine to a T. I’m not married but I’ve been with my fiance 23 years. His mother from day one has hated me and judged me and fought with me and then played the victim to him. Finally after our daughter was born and she decided to have back surgery and she nominated us to care for her I had it she started up with his sister in law and finally I went up to her and told her you keep your S**t up and you won’t see your son or granddaughter again. Things escalated through the years and finally it took his grandma dying alone for him to realize she abandoned her mom to die alone and my fiance hasn’t spoke to her since it’s been 10 years and it’s just coming out that my daughter always felt judged by her and was never accepted on how she looked how she wore her hair up and not down and so much more. I never kept them away from her let’s get that straight but after finding out she was trying to get him to leave as I was having complications during labor and then the sister in law and her doing so much more I had it and told him I’m done. As for your husband if he goes over there that’s his choice but he should tell his mom right out if my wife is not welcome at your house then neither are my kids or me I won’t tolerate your hate towards my wife anymore so either accept it or good bye.
1 Like
He needs to set her right!!! It’s up to him!
1 Like
I was lucky and lived 1000 miles away!
1 Like
So sad. No the kids do not need to be around a person with that much hate in her heart.
I did that for 21 long years, glad to say I’m done with him and his family.
She’s gone until she apologizes and changes her behavior.
2 Likes
Sorry if she’s going to be hateful to you she would not be around my children.
Steer clear, if you can.
1 Like
Had (and still have this same situation at times), my husband finally realized her behavior towards me and my oldest( from previous marriage) and also how she was towards him. He spoke with her- then limited contact for a while but also if negative behavior regarding me or mine - he would up and leave and explain until changes no visits- respect bottom line . I also stopped all contact between myself and her until respect- no pics no guess what this child did etc.
Man up husband. And you ignore her!
1 Like
Keep that toxic witch away from your kids! M.I.L. is bad news.