My husband and I have been together for almost 11 years (going on three years married). We have four children together. Our relationship started quickly after getting pregnant, only four months after getting together. The first 3 or 4 years of our relationship, I found out he had been talking and texting other women a few times. It made me very insecure, but I was able to gain trust back, and we were good. He started a new company in 2015, where he became friends with one of the ladies there. I was fine with it at first but became uncomfortable with it when I felt boundaries were being crossed. He was talking to her a lot. They both are drivers and would spend almost the whole day on the phone with each other. When she went on vacation, she brought him back a lot of gifts, including some that were personalized with his name. She also tried texting him at 1 am asking him to call. I texted back asking if everything was alright, and she replied, oh, sorry, I’ll just talk to him later. I felt very uncomfortable with it all and asked him to stop. However, it went on a little longer until I told him if it didn’t stop, I would leave. He didn’t understand because they were “just friends.” We ended up going to couples counseling which I felt helped. We were good again until a few weeks ago. There were three times that took him really long to get home from work, and he wasn’t answering my calls or texts. I was angry and felt something was wrong. I looked at our phone records and his phone (which he deleted most of the call logs and texts) and found he had been talking to two younger girls at work on the phone and texting. Almost every day, sometimes all day from 7 am-9 pm. This had been going on for at least two months. I just about lost it and confronted him. He swears they are “just friends,” and they just talk almost always about work. He apologized and said he was wrong for doing that and hiding it, but he doesn’t feel he did anything wrong. I, on the other hand, am hurt and feel disrespected. My anxiety is higher than ever, and when I bring it up that I feel emotional about things, he gets upset and says he apologized already and I should just get over it. I told him I’m afraid of getting hurt again. He said it wouldn’t happen again the last time and now this. How do I just get over it? Would you be upset if your spouse was talking to their co-worker that’s the opposite sex more than they talk to you? Please give me some insight.
Seems like there is more going on
If he continues to disrespect you over and over again,it’s definitely time to move on. Hes over stepping boundaries and sounds like more could be going on. How would he like it if this was reveresed?
It wasn’t a co-worker he called her a customer since he owns his own business. She was an ex as well. Needless to say he was cheating. Leave! You don’t deserve it and it’s his fault not yours!
Maybe they are just friends. Ask to meet them if he’s going to be friends with them. My husband’s boss text often as her hubs does as well. They are probably just work buds. But I can see where it can cause some insecurities. I use to talk to our employees all the time when we had a construction business. It was no biggie for either of us. My hubs and my best friend chat often . He’ll say I talk to so and so today. I say okay. I don’t need to know the topic. I trust them both. They have things in common I don’t have with him or her. So they talk about these things. I’m okay with it. Maybe try therapy again.
Ask for complete transparency. No shady BS, deleting things off his phone—this should go both ways if neither of you have anything to hide. If he can’t or won’t, that speaks volumes. He brought you to all these trust issues. You two have a lot invested together, but you should also have complete trust in your spouse. I feel he would of told you about his new “friends” if it’s completely innocent. Always trust your gut. Having a mentally healthy marriage is so important. Good luck.
Hell ya I’d be pissed no man needs to entertain another woman if he does he needs to leave and let you find someone that will treat you like the queen that you are
He needs to stop. He is being disrespectful
Save yourself years of heartache and just leave now. Don’t waste years on a man who clearly doesn’t care.
If he was completely innocent he would have no need to delete calls & or texts sounds like an emotional affair. Either way it’s disrespectful to you
Sis, he’s cheating. He thrives on attention. It isn’t going to stop. Not even for you.
I think you know what he’s doing. He’s hiding it and carrying on after you showed how it hurt you. Therapy didn’t work for him as he’s not changed. Just learned how to hide it better.
Get all the evidence of cheating.
Leave him, file for divorce with the evidence
Tell him your ok with him being friends with females but to please stop deleting stuff if it’s nothing for you to worry about.if he continues to delete then u know he’s being unfaithful and talking about stuff he dont want u to see
He knows exactly what he’s doing and he doesn’t give a crap how it makes you feel. It goes beyond “friendship” when they start hiding and deleting messages and calls.
Good love you hun, your wasting your time on this man, he’s doing wat he wants, leave hun, run a mile he’s no good, he always be the same hun, he has a rolling eye, they never change, look after yourself hun, he doesn’t care, get out now don’t let your life pass you but with him, good luck all the best to you and your kids
Would I be mad ? Hell yes why he talk to her more than me. Something not right
Hes cheating…it really sounds like it unfortunately. My ex did same thing…
Don’t waste your time like I did (13 yrs) get out and be happy NOW
The red flag couldn’t be any bigger, leave him
He wouldn’t have to delete or hide anything if it was innocent. That’s the bottom line here.
The way I see it you have done all you can with communication and counseling. He has shown you this is not going to stop. You can’t make someone change. He won’t change.
You can stay and accept this or you can leave. Yes you have every right to be angry, but every moment you stay knowing who he is you will ultimately be angry with yourself. Leaving is hard but it’s the only way to stop his behavior from directly affecting you.
If he is hiding/ deleting then he knows he is crossing the line. Know your worth. Praying for you
Yup. Learned the hard way. He either A stops talking to them or B you leave.
I’m so sorry you are going through this my inbox is always open to anyone who needs someone to listen
This is not ok if you are not comfortable with it. Relationships are give and take. No reason to delete unless he feels guilty or is doing something shady. I have guy friends but it a few messages at most and no need to hide them IMO. I had this happen to me though. It wasn’t cheating but a lot of things he knew I wouldn’t approve of.
Hunny. You know what’s happening. You don’t need us to confirm that.
My husband had more female friends he talks to than males. I have met them all even co workers they wanted me to be okay with talking to my husband so they invited me to lunch. If he deleted conversations that would be a deal breaker. He is obviously hiding something if he makes it so you can’t see anything.
The fact you have to question it should be enough. He’s been caught once… and hiding things better now. Leave.
Without trust, you have nothing.
Babe you deserve better than this. If you need permission to leave I GIVE YOU PERMISSION!!! Narcissistic behavior will never EVER change. Literally my ex who CONSTANTLY talked to other females was the exact way. “I’m sorry I’ll stop” but never did. I wasn’t strong enough and he left me because I was the toxic one best thing that could have ever happened to me. He actually messaged me yesterday telling me happy Mother’s Day (I don’t have kids but I was the best mom I could be to his daughter who’s mom is absent) then went on to tell me how amazing I was and how he regretted everything and wishes he could change it… while his current live in girlfriend is in the hospital. They don’t change. He won’t stop. He will just work harder to hide it from you. You deserve better.
Get a divorce because once a cheater always a cheater… or you could ask for a open relationship. Do you he does him but you still parent together and don’t bring your lovers home. If your open to that.
Run and don’t look back… how many times does it need to happen?
I hate to be the bearer of bad news; but this is a habit he’s not going to break most likely. I know because I’ve been there, and getting out has been the biggest positive for me. I didn’t have children with him, so I know that makes it harder. But he doesn’t deserve you. In the end, it’ll be him that loses.
Darling please. He’s definitely cheating. Please for your heart and sanity, leave him.
Also if he is the boss and txing his female employees, he might just get hit with a sexual harrament case one day. I Would get out before anything happens.
Tell him you’re over it alright and hand the ring back with it and tell him to go shack up with the broad.
Uhhh with that many red flags idk how ur still with him
If he is hiding it then he is doing something wrong! This is exactly what happened to me. My spouse cut contact and I (yes I) went to counseling! I need to get my confidence back! We were both doing something wrong in our relationship. Not just my spouse. We needed to lear to communicate and I needed to learn to not take any shit! Let me tell you, it was extremely hard work, but our relationship is amazing now! We both wanted to be together so we worked hard.
If it is worth it to you then put in the work! If not then leave. Just make sure you think of all the good and bad. Are you willing to not have your children half the time? Are you willing to see your children with significant others? Do you really want to grow old with this person or does that make you think ugh? You need to be able to be happy too. You want you children to know that they deserve love and respect when they marry and that is with your example.
My parents divorced when I was 2. I ended up with an amazing stepfather but a shitload of stepmothers and girlfriends that really messed me up!
You really need to think about everything.
Tell your husband that you will not stand with this disrespect and it stops now!then go from there. Good luck sweetheart! Marriage is hard, divorce is hard! Kids dealing with this all is very hard.
Ps this is my second marriage. I Divorced my first! I couldn’t check the boxes with him. I was very unhappy with the relationship and it was worth the negatives.
Done because if tables were turn i be no good !!!
I would definitely be suss
You’ve let him get away with it far to many times to the point he knows your not going to go anywhere you need to get rid of him a leopard never changes it’s spots he a cheat!! Be done with him
It’s emotional infidelity and he’s crossing boundaries you have put in place due to his misbehavior previously. You don’t trust him Bc he didn’t do the work and is blaming you for the relationship not being all good. So you can stay and deal with this constantly or you can go and be free from all of this.
If he’s lying, not answering your msgs or calls while with these women he’s cheating.
The guy is married in a relationship talking occasionally the women is fine but when you repeatedly when you repeatedly constantly talk to someone another woman rather than your wife yeah that raises a lot of flags and signs remind him who who’s this first priority in life is not you and the children not some woman he’s working with sounds a little bit too friendly from the man’s point of view just these rule direct and Stern with him or get mad let him know hey you’re going to end this start talking to me and your free time or I can find a guy that will appreciate me and talk to me Jimbo
If you have addressed this issue with your husband, he’s getting home from work later and later and he is deleting call/text logs, and telling you he has already apologized and you need to get over it, I’m sorry, but he is having an affair. Considering you have taken steps to try to fix the issues in your marriage as well as addressing the issue with him directly and he seems to not care, it may be time to go your separate ways. He clearly does not respect you. If that were my husband and my situation, I would be filing for divorce. It wouldn’t matter how long we have been together or how many kids we have together. That’s just disrespectful and down right blatant disregard for his wife’s feelings!
I am so sorry for you.he deserves to lose you. He does what he wants with no regards to you or your feelings.you ve tried the counseling.its sounds like you give your all to the relationship. He sounds like a jerk to me. You should tell him if he wants to be single then he should go. I hate how men like him treat a good family woman like you. Makes me sick.
Damn right. I get annoyed my partner messages his airsoft pals more than he speaks to me and theyre all guys
Honestly its not going to stop. He will continue to find ways to talk, then its lets meet up, than its lets fuck. Just go. Have more respect for yourself. You can literally do everything right and everything for them. You yourself can’t change them.
Get out! He won’t change. They just think they can hide it better. They will always be in his back pocket when he thinks you’ve relaxed and let your guard down.
Leave. He does not care about your feelings.
There’s absolutely no reason for him to be deleting his messages and calls if they’re just “friends”. That in itself should be a major red flag
Oh he’s a cheaterrr and a liar. If he wasn’t doing anything wrong he wouldn’t be deleting and hiding shit. Nope! I’d be gone. I’m sorry you’re going through this. But you’ve already done the counseling you’ve already set boundaries and he crossed them. Ultimately it’s up to you if you want to give him one last chance. Make it an ultimatum. Come to an agreement that he doesn’t text the women at work. If they’re friends they can come and hang out with you too. If he crosses the line again I would stop giving chances. You’ve already given plenty. But yeah no I’d be gone.
He’s gaslighting you. He is definitely cheating.
I would be jealous I would be very upset I would be pissed I would tell him either to quit or get. Out
You have tried to communicate with him. How would he feel if situations were reversed? He deleted logs from texts and calls showing he KNEW it would cause issues if he were caught meaning I HIGHLY doubt they were “just talking about work”. I hate to be this person but if he cannot respect you or the boundaries that you’ve made clear - does he even deserve you or your tears? Life is hard enough and you shouldn’t have to constantly have your mind wandering thinking that your husband is cheating or being unfaithful to you. From someone who’s been cheated on, who’s had that nagging voice in their head always saying you’re not good enough, you should check their phone or social media, you’re not enough… Don’t do it to yourself. You deserve happiness and trust, you shouldn’t have to play Sherlock Holmes.
Best of luck, just remember you’re the sun and don’t let anyone, especially a man, try to dull your shine.
He is cheating, they are not just “friends” and he is not changing
Separate. No threats or anything straight pack a bag and leave anywhere for a week. Clear your mind. Let him know you are not playing around. There are many steps prior to divorce and I for one am all for separation. Your anxiety is actually your body trying to warn you that something is not right. You don’t deserve it and at this point he is doing everything he needs to do to keep you there. He knows you won’t leave because you’ve stayed so many times and now he’s calling your bluff saying he already apologized and to get over it. That’s classic narc behavior. If y do choose to leave, there should absolutely be no contact from you to him. Don’t make it easy on him. And if you’re afraid that he will sleep with any of these women, then that’s your answer there. You deserve better
Leave, nothing is going to change. He is talking to another women again and hiding it from u. RUN!!!
Go on Maury and get a lie detector
I am very sorry you are going through this. And yes he is more than likely cheating on you. I applaud you for going through counseling ,unfortunately it clearly hasn’t work. But do not leave as others are saying. Pack his things and tell him to hit the road. You need a home for you and your children. I wish you the best of luck.
WHY ! Are the Women Texting him if they know he’s married with
4 Children On the
Phone for Hrs that’s Not Right
In front of you
Something isn’t right. WHY ! !
Time to let go, he’s never gonna stop or change
Please don’t wait
Until it’s to late
You See it You know it Love Yourself and Ask
He’s cheating … my husband did the same.
Trust your instincts.
He’s cheating and he does not give two shits about you and your feelings. Walk away. It’s not worth it. Not even a little bit.
I have a previous co-worker who’s male (I lost my job there due to Covid so we no longer work together). We talked all the time constantly although it wasn’t hidden or messages deleted. There was no reason too… Never has anything happened between us and it never would. We arranged between us for me to meet his wife and him to meet my husband. Ever since the 4 of us are the best of friends! We go out together and holidays etc!
There is actually some innocent situations with opposite sex co workers out there.
Sounds like he’s cheating to me. I’d be done with him. And I can honestly say that because, I kicked mine out two months ago for the same reason. I will not be with a man that is going to entertain other women. I deserve better.#knowyourworth
My ex husband had affairs with his co-workers
he is a cheat . dump him
sorry I hat hear about it but evening might work out o holp you to work thim out i no he love you and you love him
You sound like a very strong woman . You deserve respect .
Go back to counciling for emotional cheating so he can be told all the ways of cheating. They’ll teach both of you how to respect each other and how to talk to each other for a better understanding of both of you.
My husband and his (female) office manager are practically besties. No harm done. I trust them both fully and I know that if anything were to happen (highly unlikely) if one of them didn’t tell me right away, someone else in his company would. The company he works for is like a family and his boss and coworkers have done so much for us both in his career and in our personal lives. If anything she’s more like a big sister, she has 3 awesome kids and she’s always willing help me with our 3 kids at company get-togethers, she’s just so helpful and honestly I think I’d worry more about my husbands wellbeing if she wasn’t there.
He will just be more careful to hide it now.
Not worth being with him
He’s going to keep on doing it but only more discreetly
Once a cheater always a cheater
It sounds like he could be having an emotional affair, its just as hurtful as a physical affair either way. I went through this with my bf a few years ago. The point I made to him was that if they were “just friends”, why haven’t you mentioned her, why delete texts etc. If it was just a friend, he would have mentioned them in conversations. It took a while to trust my bf again but we started learning how to communicate our feelings better and issues etc. Instead of going straight into a fight, I would ask him to set time aside so we can talk. I would prepare a list of things that were bothering me or questions I had regarding certain issues and we would discuss openly and honestly. It honestly made our relationship stronger because we found a way to communicate that worked for us where our questions and issues were answered. I still on occasions get insecure about what happened, usually when my anxiety/depression is acting up but we’re able to work through it. I would try to calmly have a conversation about it, ask him why he felt he needed to delete those messages or why he hid their “friendship”. If his answers are giving you that gut feeling like he’s still hiding something then you need to figure out if you feel your relationship is worth saving.
He’s communicating with someone else bc he can’t communicate with you. Work on communication
Some of these responses are ridiculous Clearly you are uncomfortable with the amount of communication he keeps giving his lady coworker’s and he doesn’t respect your feelings or else he’d stop. He wouldn’t be willing to keep putting you in this position where he could lose you. I think it’s time to move on
He’s definitely cheating…
They’re not talking bout work and he’s done this way too many times. Staying a d counseling is not going to help. I’m very sorry please don’t trust him.
Trust your gut feeling!
Nope that is not okay. Period no debate! My husband and i have both been in previous relationships before we met and was cheated on by our significant others. So when we got together we made rhe rule that we would not do anything to put suspicion in the other persons heart
He continues to engage with other females knowing how you feel about it. He does not give a shit about your feelings. If it was a regarding work text/message ok, but talking all day etc sounds dodgy as. Texting another woman’s husband at 1am is disgusting on her part and shows no respect for you, and he lets this happen? This is not a man with your well-being in mind. You know deep down if you want to feel like this forever or not. You deserve to be a priority to your own husband.
Leave now! I did not and wish I had. I was married for 31+ years and regret staying Way longer than I should have.
They always say they’re just friends
Not cool,!!! There are other ways of cheating other than the most familiar. There is the emotional cheating which I think is the worse because he’s confiding and sharing with her. They are developing a bond and emotionally connecting. Go to therapy if that’s your thing but he’s obviously done it b4, and us still doing it…I think you need to leave my dear or actually you need to throw him out. I guarantee he ends up with whoever he’s emotionally cheating with now . If he really loves you , he will beg you to let him stay and if you still have him leave, he will be over all the time trying to fix it. Or he will go to her and I. That case you never stood a chance anyway. Let him go, move on and thank your lucky stars you didn’t waste 10, 15, or 20 plus years in hell only to come to the same conclusion. Believe it or not, you will find a wonderful man eventually and be do happy you didn’t waste your life and time on him. Your children will be better off for it as well. To our children will respect you do much for getting out because you value yourself more than that. The courage and strength you will stand for will wear off on and in them too. They will thank you, and aside for the children, you will feel a sense of pride for doing this which at first is gonna be do hard and sad and make you question yourself about 100 times a day but remember the end result is what you deserve and who you are giving all your love to should feel lucky and want to give the same but more to you and only you! Good luck to you. I will pray for your strength, and hope you take the right path! Mark my words, in the future you will be so much happier without him!!!
From the perspective of a woman who worked in a male dominated profession for decades:
First: Does your husband work in a female dominated job? If yes, you are probably overreacting. If no, you have trust issues in your relationship. If your husband hasn’t crossed the boundaries with the other women he has texted with then you need to reexamine your own jealous tendencies and understand where they are coming from. Often the things that bother you in others are the things you do or think about yourself. The problem may be with you and not him. If he overstepped the boundaries in the past then that is another issue entirely.
I know someone very close to me whose wife hardlyspeaks to her husband or goes anywhere with him but secretly texted an old male friend saying how she missed him couldn’t wait till she could hug him, then she told husband she was going on a walk when he asked if it was a female friend she said no its with the male friend, the husband not happy at all
NO woman texts a married man outside of work, if she didn’t have ulterior motives. A respectable woman KNOWS you don’t text a married man when he is on family time. It’s a boundary. Any woman who does cannot be trusted. It’s fine for them to talk at work, but the moment he steps away from work, there should be no causal texting happening. Period.
He doesn’t respect you.
And he’s definitely cheating on you (in my opinion)
I would either leave… or find a nice guy friend to talk to… you know, like he’s doing and let him know. If he can have friends so can you!
Boundaries are overstepped and crossed. He needs to end the “friendships” or end it with you. Hopefully he chooses you. You should be the number 1 priority in his life. He shouldn’t have time to entertain female friendships and should focus solely on yalls relationship. Don’t settle for this behavior, you deserve better. Someone who will value you.
It’s still an affair- regardless if nothing physical is going on, it’s an emotional one. People can have affairs without sex being involved.
I hate to say it but…
Where there’s smoke there’s a good chance of there being fire. Trust what your gut instinct is telling you. Chances are it’s not wrong
You already know what you want to do. You don’t need anyone’s permission to end the relationship. It is always difficult to remember that the respect you want must come from yourself first, at the moment neither of you are being respectful to you. Choosing to be kind to yourself is the greatest gift you can give but it will come at the cost of the relationship you have fought hard for. Leaving is a difficult road but being treated like you don’t matter is so much worse.
Trust yourself & do what is right for you, good luck xx
This happened to me for 6 years on and off. Finally i had enough, left and he ended up marrying and having a kid with one of the coworkers he was just friends with. If he cant respect your feelings, even if he doesnt agree with them, then nothing will ever change. Leave. Someone out there will love, appreciate, and treat you like the queen you are <3
He’s emotionally cheating on you … honestly he has proved you can’t trust him Because he keeps doing it. I mean having friends of the opposite sex isn’t the problem . It’s the not answering and hiding me talking to them way more that are the issues . Honestly it may be better for your mental health and the kids to just walk away . Still be friends especially for the kids, but it’s clear he doesn’t want to commit emotionally. I have good guy friends at work . Two are married two are not but my family comes first and I only talk to them occasionally at work and if we do stuff out of works it’s in a group setting … you either have to accept his behavior or not. If you don’t you have your answer
When he continues to do the same thing over & over again even though you have been to couples therapy & you have voiced your concerns this is a problem.
I can’t tell you what to do it’s your life, but personally I wouldn’t be staying when he has no respect for you & his family’s feelings
Im sorry that you are goin through this. Anxiety is not a easy thing to deal with. Especially when it fixates on your spouse and un/faithfulness and then they keep triggering it by their actions. Its even worse when they do it knowing it triggers your anxiety. The fact that you have been through couples counseling and this is still a issue makes me want to suggest that it might be better to take a look at wether you two can separate for a while. And I suggest finding a good counselor for your self to manage your anxiety if thats a option for you. Best of luck with everything. And Happy Mothers Day!
you need to a have a sit down adult conversation with him. if he can’t have the conversations with u there and u can’t talk to the girls without him then there needs to be a compromise made to respect ur feelings and concerns. if he tells u to get over it or disregards ur concerns, then u need to make an independent decision for yourself as to whether or not u can live like this anymore. you are worth more than doubt and second guessing. But you are the only person that can make the decision that u have value and are strong and beautiful and deserve to be respected. Own you and your feelings and the rest will follow:)
First, I am sorry you are going through all of this. I know how it feels not to trust someone to the point it will drive you crazy. Everything little thing makes you wonder. You shouldn’t have to feel that way. Everyones situation is different. Trust your instincts. But most of all, you deserve to be happy.
Seriously, he hides it but yet doesn’t feel that he’s doing anything wrong? First of all if he respected you at all he would know not to talk to other women like he does. In any relationship you have to take care of yourself first.