Hi. Just a quick question…had minor breast surgery on Thursday. Told my 28 YR. Daughter, my sister and my father last week that it was happening. Not ONE of them text or called before or after…I was expecting a good luck or how ya doin…I’m kindda f-ing hurt. Thank goodness for my awesome husband…just curious how would you feel?
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Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. Would you be upset if your family didn't check in before/after your surgery? - Mamas Uncut
I would feel unimportant.
Hope you feel better soon 
Definitely but these are always wake-up calls to treat others the way they treat you. Don’t go all out for others when they can’t do the bare minimum for you. Hope you’re recovering well🫶🏻
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Yes, I’d be upset. Hope you’re doing well my dear!!!
I’d be hurt as well. Prayers for a complete speedy recovery
I mean, me personally I can’t say I’d care very much honestly. Long as my husband got me then I’m good. Tho sucks about your kid not even asking tho that’d sting a little (assuming she’s older)
I would def be hurt but I also keep in mind that life is so dang busy these days. There’s so much going on. It’s easy to forget things. Maybe it just slipped their minds
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So personally I would be upset but would understand. Hospitals are a touchy subject for my family as my mom died in one when I was only 11. When I had my gall bladder removed no one visited me. My dad personally wanted to come after the surgery so he wasn’t as scared. I got released and went to visit him. I don’t know if maybe any of them have a reason for hating hospitals but if they do this could be why.
Now they should have texted you saying good luck or asking how you were that is really sad
I am surprised they didn’t call or text before, But I am sure they said something to you when you originally told them, AS for calling afterwards, just maybe they are thinking you are in pain, & just want to sleep, so give them some time & then you call them, I also would not be bothering anyone who had any surgery until I heard from them first Just saying
Hurt and disrespect ed
Yes you have every right to be pissed I’d be pissed and I’ll bring it up to I’d say thank you very much for checking in on me not
I’m sorry you’re hurt.
I think I would be hurt as well.
I would be hurt too, but at the same time I would have to realize that other people have their own lives and might be going through something themselves at that time That I might not know about that supersedes my want for a text or call to see how I’m doing.
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I hope you get to feeling better!! But, thats my life with my “family” I went into my knee surgery alone and left alone and recovered with my two babies ALONE. 
i learned long ago my parents were toxic and to stop feeling when it involves things that need family:(
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Had my gallbladder out last Spring. My mom flaked on watching my baby last minute and I had to leave him with a neighbor. No one helped me or checked on me at all.
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I would be a bit hurt if one of my parents didn’t call to see how I was doing but I would wait until I was home cause some wait till you are home and had a day or two to rest. A bunch of phone calls after surgery can be annoying when ypu trying to rest. They probably knew your husband was there and if anything happened or issues he would call. I honestly wouldn’t care as long as my husband was there, I have support so I would be good. Hope you have a speedy recovery
This is my life 100%. I almost died 2x due to placenta abruption and the first time all one aunt out of 7 cared about was to get pictures of my child that passed. I get nothing these days. But my children are still children. Even if they weren’t my oldest ones are so self absorbed I’m probably going to be the furthest from their mind. Yes it hurts but I guess I’m prepared when it happens when I get older too.
I personally would be hurt. But my family is the type that always calls to check in on each other. But we are also the forgetting type, so we usually remind each other of things a week ahead lol. My husband had shoulder surgery a few weeks ago and multiple people stayed in touch the whole time even during his recovery in the hospital. My sister n law had a gallbladder removal last month and I made sure to call before hand and afterwards and even the following day. So yes if it was me, I’d be mad. But then again is your family the type to normally do this? Do you do it with others? Or is it a normal for them to not really be in touch? Either way I hope you have a speedy recovery!!
I would feel hurt…bless you!!
Minor? No… I wouldn’t be.
Maybe When You Told Them It Was Minor. They Took It As Such. Or Assumed That You Didn’t Wish To Discuss It …?
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Everyone is busy living. Wouldn’t take it to heart.
Minor surgery honestly I personally wouldn’t mention it but to each their own dramas lol
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Think I will be treating them the same way they treat me…
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Nope. If you want attention tell them
It is hurtful. Going through the same thing. Cut them off, that’s what I’m doing. For your own peace of mind!!
They knew your hubby would let them know. But hospitals don’t really like visitors come. So many infections
I would be very hurt. There is always a phone that they could have called you at least.
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It takes ten seconds to text someone to let them know you’re thinking of them. Doesn’t even require a phone call.
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I’d be happy everyone left me alone 
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I’m not sure why everyone else seems totally cool with so much disconnect and not caring enough to send a “love you and hope all goes well!” text… But no, to me that’s pretty hurtful that your own parent or child wouldn’t even attempt to do something as simple as sending a text. “it’s the small things” is a MAJOR truth. Don’t show up for me when it’s emotionally satisfactory to you if you’re not going to show up in the times I actually need you.
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I don’t have expectations of anyone anymore to be honest! People have their own stuff going on and if you let them they’ll always disappoint! Don’t be needy, look after yourself and your own little tribe.
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I had a complete hysterectomy 3 weeks ago & my family didn’t bother checking on me until I mentioned the surgery. Years ago that would have hurt me. To be honest this time it didn’t, I expected it.
You’re allowed to be hurt that they didn’t check on you. It wouldn’t hurt to discuss it with them either.
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I wouldnt feel any way about it, it was a minor surgery. People get busy with their lives, dont always remember everything.
Coming from a nursing perspective…I have noted many women choose to keep this biopsy/lumpectomy surguery under the radar. Your family maybe exercising restraint…allowing you to share what and when you are ready.
Sending grace and power vibes for good health and understanding outcomes.
I would be upset even if minor surgery ANYTHING can happen. You need to tell each one of them how you feel. It only takes 15-30 seconds to send a text. I’m sorry for your pain, I would be hurt also.
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I would be hurt as well. A simple are you ok doesn’t hurt anyone
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Waaaaaaa…do you know what is going on in their lives…
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Life gets busy, maybe it slipped thier mind bc you told them it was minor.
I would be mad too. I do for all I am there for everyone else. Not acceptable.
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I’d wonder I guess. Is it possible they forgot?
Id be hurt …thankful ypur hubby was there. I know this feeling all to well
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I would be hurt too. But honestly the last few years I’ve realized not many ppl give a shit about anyone but themselves. No one asks how I’m doing anymore. Asks about my son. Cares if we are sick when we were or tries spending time
With us. We have a handful of ppl that actively participate in our lives. These past few years have been so hard and lonely and just horrible personally. And I reach out and do my part but they don’t do anything.
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Disappointed a little, especially from my adult child.
But if you downplayed it when you mentioned it and said it was really a minor surgery, many people will not make it a priority to check in. And since you have an awesome husband that’s taking care of you, they must know that. Just mention it to the three of them, that a “how are you doing” text would of been appreciated. 
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How is your relationship with these family members? That might have something to do with it.
That’s why I don’t tell mine. Don’t expect anything from anyone and you won’t be disappointed.
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It wouldn’t bother me! I know with my children, I’ve never let them know ( they have enough to worry about these days)…so they literally think that I have never been sick, or in the hospital!
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I would be hurt and forgetting is not an excuse especially when you do for them I’m so sorry
I would really be upset!
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Life comes up, they may have been busy. With how bad of a memory I have, I can’t fault people if they possibly could have forgotten.
Minor surgery is nothing and wouldn’t hurt my feelings any for people to not check in.
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That shows their true colors. Bet they will say I forgot or didn’t know or etc. Yeah, if that’s love then hate me awhile. Sorry, for your health issue. That is very serious! Hope your recovery will be great. Don’t worry about them just keep loving the true one you know loves you & is there for you always. I know about this family mess to been there. Sometimes you just to give it to God he knows all about it. Take care sweetie concentrate on getting well. Prayers & hugs, from Ga Gal near ATL. 
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Id be fucckiiiing pissed
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They should have called after to see how you were feeling or if you needed anything, so yes, you have every right for hurt feelings.
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I’m so used to this. People just expect ill deal with it. Because I always have. Always ignored. Always left out. But always there when they need something.
I’d say don’t take it personal but I know it’s hard not to. I hope you feel better
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Hope you heal well.
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You did say it was a minor thing but if you’re like me, dont have expectations of people and you won’t be disappointed. People are selfish.
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I wouldn’t be upset.
When I am having surgery or I’m sick, I prefer to be left alone.
Texts and phone calls and even visits annoy me.
I’d rather be left alone when I’m not feeling great.
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I had surgery 2/12 weeks ago. 3/4 of my stomach removed. Not one of my kids checked on me when I got home from the hospital.
Yeah I was hurt but I’ve found if I say anything no one cares anyway. I know that’s harsh but some kids are really selfish. 
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I guess it depends on the type of surgery you had. Not throwing shade, but you do handle them a bit different.
For example if this is because you have a health related medical necessity (i.e. cancer, tumors, etc.), then they should have been there. But if you got a plastic surgery improvement, I’m happy for you, but unless you explicitly tell people that you want them there, most people are gonna go about their day.
Ultimately if it bothers you, talk to them about it. You can’t expect anything to get better, unless you make your wishes known.
Anyways, I hope you’re doing well after your procedure. 
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Yeah I’d be hurt for sure.
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My mom had a double mastectomy. I was 23 and pregnant with my second child and I went to take care of her for 3 weeks. My brother on the other hand, never even called. My mom was so heartbroken that my brother didn’t care. That she almost ignored the fact that I was there taking care of her. My advice is “you find out who your friends are.” When you are fully healed you should take your husband somewhere nice! And remember who wasn’t there for you.
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I could never forget even with minor surgery our family is always checking up on each other even on normal days. But all families are different if they don’t does not mean they don’t care. Life gets ahead of us so hugs to you . I hope you know it was not done to hurt you
Depending on the surgery
The village is not the village anymore
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How did you get home? Every single time I’ve had a procedure done or a family member has had surgery, whatever the degree, they made sure the patient uh undergoing surgery had a driver or ride home. Usually it’s an immediate family member.
It also depends, have they done this before? How far away do they live and did they have jobs? You did say minor surgery, so maybe they were waiting on you to contact them with details after you recouped and felt up to it.
Personally, if it were my parent, child or sibling, I would have been there with you the whole time and even spoken with your surgeon about aftercare and what the family could do to help you be comfortable and recover smoothly at home, restrictions, etc.
You shouldn’t feel bad for having feelings. Don’t let it get you down, though, or make you feel like you’re not important or valid. You are. I hope you have a quick recovery and can mend your relationships with your family.
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I would be hurt but they prob forgot cause people have lives and I know they don’t always revolve around me and what I have going on, so I’ve learned to just let things like that go
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I had a double mastectomy in September I called my mom to let her kn9w when I was out of surgery she didn’t call me because she didn’t know how long I would be in recovery and out of it so I told her I would call when I got back to my room the communication is a two way street you could call and tell them how your doing after surgery
Your feelings are valid. But how minor was the procedure? I had a Lipoma removed and No one said a peep but we knew straight up it was 99 percent just a fat lump so no one worried
I had a l4-s1 fusion. Was in the hospital for a week and not once did my sister come visit me. I was hurt, because I am the one who ALWAYS shows up with flowers, phone calls, and heck I will sit in the ER with her or her kids.
Now you know who cares.
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Being that I don’t really call anyone, I wouldn’t give a shit 
Hurting was in the same boat after brain surgery however husband and 2 adult children were helpful however not a family member even asking if I needed water. I was in bed for 19 long days with my head spinning. Yes u have the right to be hurt and upset it’s a lost feeling like if your not doing something for them ,they don’t think about u 
hope your surgery went well.
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How are you doing btw?
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Have they always been this way ? Can’t expect people to change over night unfortunately . I have a brother same way I learned to accept it. I just keep my distance . I’m still there if he was to need something ever but from a distance and check in on who checks in on me 
emabrace the ones the ones who did check in
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I always check up in my friends and family no matter what I’m doing I’m sorry that upset you!!!
Not much you can do but I’d be pissed too. I am usually with my dad in the waiting room anytime my mom has ANY procedure done and I’m pushing 40. If not I’m calling and texting.
I had an hysterectomy the day before my 28th birthday. The 2 family members that took me to the hospital left before I even woke up after the surgery. Literally no one checked on me the entire time I was in the hospital. I had to get someone I barely knew to pick me up and take me home when I was released. I’ve never felt more alone than I did that entire time. So yes, you have every right to feel hurt and disappointed.
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If it was medically necessary, I’d kinda expect the concern from family. If it’s unnecessary/cosmetic, no.
Let them know how you feel
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My family did this to more than once. And they wonder why I don’t call
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No all I need is my husband thats what matters
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Family can hurt you the worst
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My family tree doesn’t notice when I have a double bypass so my passing should be an easy one. In all fairness, I wouldn’t notice if they had any major operations either because we never communicate but maybe once per decade.
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You absolutely have a reason to feel hurt. Your feelings are valid.
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Be thankful for your husband!! Should make you appreciate him that much more… And now you know who you can depend on and who really cares…btw hope you’re doing better sending love and prayers your way:heart:
I had my eyes done & both of my parents were there because I had cateract in left eye almost blind & right eye ok so I was great full my family called & 1 friend
I’d take the hint. They don’t care about you. Probably for a good reason too if multiple don’t like you. Move on with your life and change for the better
People are so self centered. They treat their loved ones in a way that they themselves would never want to be treated. I’m sorry they did this to ya. If I were you I wouldn’t say anything and I would never tell them anything ever again.
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I had a cesarean in 2020 and no one checked on anything. It wasnt planned. The baby was 5 weeks early. I had severe preeclamsia. My blood pressure was 220/196- i was bordering a dangerous stroke so they wanted to take baby, but the OB and transporting ambulance admistered too much beta blocker and me and baby crashed so it became and EMERGENCY cesarean. I hemoragged during the cesarean, and 6 hours after, almost dying 3 times during a 12 hour time frame in total. And my boyfriend and the father of the baby had to call my mom and tell her to “call your daughter, no one has called her to see if shes even alive and she thinks no one cares”. She finally did a couple days later but my daughter will be 2 this september and i still have health problems from the delivery and i dont talk to my family much from how i felt during the process. No one came to see me during my week stay in the hospital other than babys dad. Baby was in NICU.
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Reason to keep your life a secret. Next time don’t tell them nothing. Let them keep guessing
At least your husband cared. Start there
You’re probably used to having a lot of love and attention so this is hurtful to you… they have lives I’m sure it was innocent. But again, the shock and hurt you feel is probably because they normally are thoughtful of you so they’re probably good people who do care but are busy. You’ll be ok. Appreciate them either way…
Sounds like you either have forgetful family members or maybe, they just assumed that if anything went wrong your husband would alert them. Kind of sad, regardless of the reason.
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I would be hurt also. Yes, people are busy too, but they should make an effort to at least check on you. This is exactly why I have an extremely small circle of people in my life. And most aren’t blood “family”
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Expect nothing! Less of a let down. Be grateful when they do come around. Not everyone has the same kind heart unfortunately.
I hope that your surgery went OK and I hope that you’re feeling better!
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