How old is this child?
I think just a cake and the family would be sufficient enough. No friends or big party.
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How would the child be punished if it was not the child birthday?
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Do you live with your ex and his new woman? No? Ok then. Not your choice. Next.
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Yeah that’s f’d up to take a birthday away
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I say no. Let his father do as he wants but you should still have a party. Then look for the reason he is acting out, something is going on in his life. Your birthday is something special just for you and only comes once a year. Don’t take that one day of joy and happiness away. A child is still learning and growing and to take away something that only comes every 12 months is mean.
No not birthday. But maybe withold presents.
I would say yes but ask them to at least give jim a chance to earn it back
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At our house, birthdays are not earned except by living another year. So, they are not up for being cancelled. But, you can’t control how other people parent.
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I agree with you. I don’t feel like birthdays should ever be taken away as a punishment for anything
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Depends on age. You can celebrate his birthday without having a birthday party. But dads house, dads rules.
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If his behavior is that bad he definitely doesn’t deserve a party! I think they are doing the right thing.
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Not much you can do if that’s what the other parents are choosing. Tell them how you feel but when it comes down to it, it’s their decision. Not at all saying I agree with it. You throw a birthday party for him and don’t worry about what they do 
I agree. A child should not be rewarded for bad behavior…you parent how u want when the child is with u and let them parents how they see fit when the child is with them…
I wouldn’t ever take my child’s birthday party but rather take away something else.
So buy him a gift or just bake him a cake to celebrate. He doesn’t have to have a party. When I was growing up I had one birthday party at 16. I don’t understand why they need one every year.
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I’d say not to actually take it away. Maybe say they will but still have it planned it most likely will make hi c change his behavior and they can tell him if he’s gotta he can earn it back
They could still celebrate his birthday with close family, a gift and cake. Parties are not necessary. So if my child was acting out and they wanted a big party with friends they’d have to act right and earn it back. It’s their house, their rules.
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It’s a day to celebrate your child’s birth
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Couldn’t do that to my child
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I don’t agree a Birthday should be cancelled. Should always celebrate your childs life . Not saying bad behaviour is ok, but for me to cancel my Sons Birthday he would had to have done something REAL bad . Maybe there is a reason for his behaviour. I’de let him have his Birthday , but if after his bad behaviour continues I would remove the Presents he got and have to earn them back. Yeh it is his Dad & Stepmums rules there, but you will ofcourse have feelings about what happenes concerning your Son there.
Not your choice what they do with the party or not.
No birthdays r not earned like an allowance. Birthdays parties are to celebrate u being around another year and celebrating that.
Birthdays aren’t earned. You don’t lose having a bday party because of behavior. SMH
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Depending on his age. If he’s old enough to know better than just have a small birthday dinner with family and cake
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He can still have his birthday, they aren’t saying he isn’t getting presents or cake he just doesn’t deserve for them to go all out and spend money on a party because he has been disrespectful. I’d do that too
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Just because you cancel the party doesn’t mean you cancel the birthday lol you can still celebrate his birth without throwing a party.
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Their house their rules…
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Go out to dinner for a bday. Party though? Nah. Make it another day.
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I’m with them on it. If he can’t behave, he doesn’t deserve those extras. I guess I mean take away the friend party. Like have family dinner, a couple small things and bake a cake.
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Okay first of all birthday parties and presents are a luxury as most families cannot afford to have a party and buy gifts. There many ways to celebrate a birthday it’s not all about materialistic things. Secondly if this child has two households then this child gets to have two chances to celebrate holidays and birthdays so if he doesn’t get a party with his dad and one with you then how is he missing out on anything. Your child shouldn’t grow up with the expectations that he can act out and still receive presents and gifts as if their actions don’t have consequences. Also your child has two households with parents who have different patenting styles that’s something your just going to have to accept. You guys may have different views and I’m sure he disagrees with certain things you do but he is just as much of a parent as you are and does have a say on what form of discipline this child receives while he is in his care. If you want to do things differently then that’s up to you but you can’t expect him to conform to what you think is acceptable.
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And this is why kids are spoiled these days. You do something bad you lose privileges. It’s a privilege to have a party. Not a right. kid made their bed. They were warned
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This just seems so wrong to me. Like, he’s acting out while he’s there…I’m assuming you say it that way bc he’s decently behaved with you. He’s still a kid with a developing brain who is clearly feeling somethings about the current situation he doesn’t know how to process appropriately/maturely. They need to figure out the root of why he’s misbehaving there, not just punish him.
And never ever ever take birthdays or Christmas’ away. Like ground him for every other day but let him have his bday. It’s only once a year
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I’m in the camp as stated above, not your house not your rules. Dad and Stepmom set those and their decision. Birthday should still be celebrated, party not required.
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If his behavior hasn’t improved, I would do a family only party – No friends and when it’s over, it’s over.
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I think it depends on how severe the behavior is. Is it something that could cause legal issues or harm to other’s? If yes then I agree on taking it away. Besides maybe a small family get together. If it’s just an annoyance or bratty teenage behavior then no.
Throw him your own party
Have the party-have him donate ALL his gifts 2 a children’s hospital-he gets his party n lil kids get gifts n smiles
i use to have birthday parties taken away for bad behavior. My mom would still do something special to celebrate i just wasn’t allowed to have friends over. Parties are earned, feeling special on your birthday is not
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Unfortunately their house their rules… But you can always celebrate his birthday later with him
He doesn’t need a party at 10 years old. Take him out to dinner or do something special with him instead. Spend the day telling him all of the positive qualities you love about him. You may surprised with his response. It’s tough but showing unconditional love and acknowledge that he must be going through something very difficult right now. Tell him when he wants to talk you will be there for him.
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Yes. It’s a privilege not a right. Just a little family dinner and cake, no gifts.
They did the right to me! No way in hell im going to reward bas behavior, for ANY reason. That said of course there is still cake with the family that lives in the home!
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Saying happy birthday and celebrating at home, no you dont take that away…but a party, Yes! A party is not a right, you dont HAVE to have a birthday party.
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Is there a reason you can’t still have the party? I wouldn’t agree with this being an effective method of discipline after all the child did not ask to be born. I wouldn’t debate about either though. I would just throw him the party myself let them know how I feel and let them know they are welcome to attend but if they don’t they don’t.
I think it’s harsh getting rid of his party don’t you think the kids have had a bad year , I agree with councillor for him get to the route of his behaviour issues personally don’t agree with not your house not your rules as I’m sure the dad would expect you to follow through and not have a party your end too 
. This seems harsh and unfair. Kid will remember this and could get worse or even become depressed!
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I took my daughters big 13th bday party away bc of her attitude. Parties and celebrations are a privilege not a right.
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He needs to understand you do not get rewarded for bad behavior
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Honestly, if they feel his behavior has been that awful, maybe it will make him open his eyes and see he cannot behave in the manner he has and continue to be rewarded? Maybe if he starts to behave better then he could be rewarded with a celebration at a later date.
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Yes you should take away the party. It’s a privilege not a must. Your child will learn from their consequences if you put those boundaries up.
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I agree with everyone saying the party should be taken away
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Can’t have a party in prison ! So not gonna hurts to show him road he could be headed down if he doesn’t follow RULES! Soft parents are what’s wrong with these kids today ! They need tough love…
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I’m of two minds on this:
First. Parties are a privilege. They’re not a right. I feel like depending on the behavior… depending on what has been tried (and failed) then yes.
It can be appropriate to take a party away.
My oldest went through a streak of having these massive temper tantrums and headbutting me every time I got on to him…every time I used a time out or time in or temporarily took a toy
He ended up busting my tooth. I told him if he headbutted me one more time I was canceling his party. I meant every word.
Why? Because nothing else was getting through to him.
On the other hand. If we’re talking minor behavioral issues…A little attitude… A little laziness…
Then no I wouldn’t cancel the party over that. However I would make my child help with the preparations and taking care of guests.
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I took one birthday party away when my child was 11 when they decided to steal my debit card and buy their friends a bunch of damn energy drinks and candy And and left school without permission.
Still had a birthday and a cake and even a couple of presents from family. But no party, They decided they didn’t want that party when they spent all that money!
I never punished a child from their birthday.
Not completely. Maybe have a smaller party just family. But as a form of discipline, nope. That’s something that children look forward to.
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You are his mom. Give him a Party if you want to.
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No party (especially right now) and just do dinner and cake.
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Sometimes a punishment needs to really sting so a child knows you mean business (and you will mean business in the future). My daughter was supposed to take drivers Ed one summer. She lied to me and went on a date with a boy. I didn’t like the boy, I saw them take off, and she kept going. No drivers Ed. I was looking forward to her driving to run to the store and take herself to athletic practice. I kinda hurt myself by this punishment. (Lol) She is 35 now and we talk about it nowand then and we laugh. She is raising her own family now and so she really knows why I did that. She remembers the situations now as one of the stupidest things she’s ever done. She does not think I was too harsh now.
I always let the kids (even now) choose what they want for dinner and what dessert on their birthday. Celebrate his birthday just no party.
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A birthday party and a birthday celebration are different. You can still celebrate his birthday without all the frills and reward of a party. I agree with your ex. If his behaviors have been so bad that they are taking away his birthday party then they must be pretty bad. Why would they reward him with an expensive party and fun stuff and all his friends and family there when he can’t even behave on a normal day? They should still have cake and dinner and gifts for his birthday but take away the party as that’s something children should earn not feel entitled to just because they were born lol
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Girl. I got my graduation party taken away because I did some dumb stuff when I was younger. You can still celebrate his birthday, but minimally. Celebrations are earned, not a privilege.
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As a child who lost birthdays as punishment…don’t do that … it’s devastating and teaches them nothing. I would find another way to discipline him and make it known that while you can still celebrate his life you’re not okay with his behavior.
Don’t let him have his gifts until he acts right. Discipline doesn’t need to be publicly embarrassing, that only causes more damage
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NO PARTY!! You have to take something away from him that matters to him, otherwise he’ll say “who cares what you do.”Misbehaving all summer is NOT a little thing.
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I would never take away a birthday!
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When my oldest son was turning 4, I took his birthday presents away. He was very close to being kicked out of his 2nd daycare because of his behavior. Breaking things and hitting people daily, I almost got fired from my job because I was having to go pick him up early. I warned him about losing his gifts but he continued acting up and he only got cake and ice cream on his birthday. Two weeks later we had his party. Haven’t had to do that since. Birthdays aren’t only about gifts so I don’t see anything wrong with not getting any if you don’t deserve it. Do you buy your child a new toy everytime you go to the store just to make him/her happy?
Absolutely not! It’s a celebration that your child is born.
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I would never take away a birthday party!
I would give them a party and punish them in some other way!
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I would never take away my child’s birthday celebration it’s a day to celebrate them coming into this world, the day they made us an official mommy. Have the party and make him earn back his gifts afterwards let him enjoy his once a year day
You can still celebrate their birth in other ways. I think smaller setting celebrations can be beneficial for children whom are struggling with how to act appropriately.
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It all depends on what he did. If he is a bully or he hurt someone, I’d take the party away but still give cake. If it’s something like playing silly pranks he still gets the party.
Nope. Dont punish kids by taking away the happy, fun memories.
I feel if we do those kids grow up to take away all the things that bring them happiness or joy from themselves as self punishment. And if this is a future young adult with depression issues, this can be a detrimental effect when they constantly think they’re not good enough, worthy. Then they’re constantly punishing themselves by taking away the things that can keep depression at bay.
That’s just my opinion. I think words and actions make a way bigger impact. When a kid knows you’re severely disappointed in them it hurts in a way taking electronics and privileges cant and never will.
Nope I fully support it … a birthday party is a privilege not a right! you can’t act right… why would you reward bad behavior. Maybe you actually get on board and co parent his way this time. you 4 all being on the same page will help curb this bad behavior as well
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I took away Easter this year 
and wouldn’t hesitate to cancel a birthday party if I felt it was necessary.
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Well you need to respect their decision, because he’s been with them. And idk, if he’s been absolute hell and they’ve warned him then it wouldn’t be right to give him the party. That’s contradicting what they said.
He will live. And hopefully learn how to behave. But also, if he’s that ‘bad’ you need to get him evaluated for behavioral or mental issues & get him help.
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How old is the child and what did he do? It seems SOOOO long between birthdays for kids under 10, but if he’s a teen, it’s less traumatic. If you and your ex have discussed different discipline ideas and nothing seems to have sunken in or made any difference, then maybe something this drastic is needed.
OTOH, if this only happens at Dad’s, figure out together what’s wrong.
It’s one day a year I think there are plenty other things that could be taken away that would also matter. I feel like taking a way a birthday is really harsh and in a way belittling. I wouldn’t do it but i would take something else away. What about not letting him participate in a sport that is important to him instead?
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Birthday PARTIES are expensive, unnecessary, and expendable and should be earned
Taking away a party does not cancel his birthday…he will still be one a year older and.you can still do cake and gifts with immediate family
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I’ve taken away the last 3 bday parties from 1 of my daughters. She has a horrible attitude towards everything. I did give her a few gifts “clothes” but she didn’t get to have a big party like her siblings
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A party is a privilege, not a right… if he’s not acting right then he has no party… dont reward bad behavior
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Never! That’s just cruel. They can be grounded before and after their party.
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Everybody should have the opportunity to celebrate their birthday. Don’t be that person…
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I wouldn’t take a way a birthday party that’s not right at all!!!
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You can take away the party part…just have it family with a small cake…I mean the point is this was the day he was born…private with family… society has made it to where you have to spend spend spend in order to celebrate the day you were born…I never done big birthdays always close family a cake and one or to things…we spend the day looking at pictures of my kid growing up…talking about their favorites as a little kid and what has changed…but that’s just me…maybe just take a step back and see where his misbehavoir is coming from…maybe he just need a close family day and some love
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Each child is different… if other punishment were tried and no change in behavior… then I would say yes… IMO it’s easier to teach them consequences now then later when the consequences are huge
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I don’t believe in taking away birthday and holidays. It’s It’s once a year type of thing. It sounds like lazy parenting that they just want to not deal with a party.
If he’s at their house it doesn’t really matter if you agree or not, and there is nothing you can do.
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Yes. I agree. If the child is going to act out and be doing bad things, then why should I invite everyone over for the child to get rewarded for not being good… to get presents and celebrate how bad they had been acting… I mean, discipline at an early age helps children in the long run… But that’s just my opinion.
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Yep.
If it’s warranted to get the point across, yes I would. I don’t reward bad behavior.
It doesn’t mean the family can’t celebrate.
And ps, he’s with this dad. You really have no say provided it’s not violent. You can be mad but all that’ll do is keep you mad.
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Depending on what he’s done and is doing yea I would take a birthday party away🤷🏻♀️
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I feel like everyone is missing the point. This child is with his father and not following set boundaries and guidelines. The fathers house, the fathers rules. I’m certain he doesn’t agree with every single thing mom does either. Be thankful your son has a dad that is willing to at least try co parenting and allow him to discipline how he feels necessary in his own home.
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I wouldn’t put it on face book
I absolutely agree with taking parties away as a form of punishment. I’ve taken xmas away in the past too. Birthday partes/gifts/etc…are not a right, theyre a privilege.
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My parents took away my 13th birthday party.
I hadn’t cleaned my room and basically dared them to make me do it😬
So my mom called all my friends and canceled my party!
I was shocked, I cleaned my room because I didn’t have anything to do anymore.
Then a few weeks later my mom had a surprise party for me and I was shocked again.
I don’t think it had any type of long-term benefit, it’s not like it made me keep my room clean from then on out, didn’t make me change my attitude or talking back…
I don’t think they’re gonna get what they are wanting out of him for taking his birthday away and if anything it’ll make them feel like shit
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I don’t have advice on the birthday party, but I hope that you or the other parent is trying to get to the bottom of why he is acting up while at his dad’s! I wish someone would’ve just talked to me and actually listened to my feelings as a child instead of throwing punishments in my face everytime I didn’t do what the adults wanted. It made me want to defy them more the more stuff they tried to take away etc. Sometimes it is a lot deeper then just wanting to test the limits w/parents!
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No I don’t agree with that. These kids have had a tough enough year emotionally and mentally with the pandemic. It’s his birthday he deserves a celebration especially with how things are going right now we could be facing another lockdown. Have a party for him.
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I wouldn’t take it away. Its like punishing him for a year. There’s always something else that can be taken away. That’s just plain cruel.
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Its his fathers house so its his rules at the time…
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Yes ma’am…it will work too!
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I had planed a big party for my 6 year old. Hand made all the decorations and invitation. I found out he was being really mean to a boy in his class with autism so I canceled his party.
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I did. Last year my son was horrible at school, majority of the year. Getting into fights with other kids, one he even punched. After he hit this kid, I decided to call his birthday party off. He learnt !!!
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