I had a similar time with my current relationship. Guys just don’t get it. You have to spell it out for them it if matters that much to you. I’ve been with mine for seven years and the first 2 were like an archaeological dig. Just be honest and tell him she doesn’t need to be erased, but this home belongs to the two of you. There isn’t room for three.
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I still have my cousins save the date for her wedding from 2017 on my fridge. And I’m a girl and we aren’t That close lol. I also still have every love letter from every guy that has ever wrote me one. And pictures galore.
Yeah, go head and chase that man away acting crazy over finding old pics and such of him and his ex wife. He had a life before you and you need to accept that and stop making problems where there are none. Everyone has pics and things around their home that are of/ from people from previous relationships and if you say you don’t you are a liar. I can tell you right now I ain’t throwing away jewelry or gifts that was given to me by an ex just because I’m no longer with that person and I’m not getting rid of all my photos either why because those are memories of good times. The fact that those time are done and over is irrelevant. One day I will be old and those photos will help bring back those memories of my life. 
before you push him away and stop making him throw shit away they are literally inanimate objects that you are getting your panties in a twist over. Get a shoe box and when you come across his shit put it in the box close the lid and put it in the closet Walla now you don’t have to see it out of sight out of mind
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I’d say you’re insecure, It is unfair and unreasonable to expect someone to pretend previous relationships didn’t happen, And expect them to destroy all evidence of them, If I was him I would cut you loose until you sort yourself out, Relationships like that rarely work because people like OP make it impossible.
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He is probably so used to that stuff just being there he doesn’t think anything of it and doesn’t care about it either. Men’s brains work different than ours with stuff like that. If he has no issue throwing these things out I wouldn’t get too worried about it.
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He was with her for 10 years. There are things. They are divorced. He made his choice. You knew she existed. For the most part…men in general are not very observant of certain things. Heck…I moved into my husband’s place and I found ALOT of things that belonged to like 3 of his ex girlfriends…lol. I knew better and after asking a couple of times…just started dumping them. It was obvious he didn’t even know those things were there. In this case…it was a 10 year marriage. I actually feel like it is even ok to keep a picture…like the wedding magnet, in a memory box or something. She is part of the past that led him to you. Appreciate that everyone has a past that is a learning experience.
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Easy peezy lemon squeezy… just chuck them when you find them.
Problem with guys is. They don’t care about them. They just toss their shit into a box/bag and put it way back in the closet and forget its there or it exist.
When you find dont even tell him just chuck it. Problem solved.
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He is with you now, they had plenty of time to get vack together before you came along, but why should he throw away all his memories because of your insecurities? We all need memories i agree throw love letters but not photos they are a part of us. You will lose him because of who you are not because of his past
Definitely your own insecurities. Plain and simple you have your own inner work to deal with.
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I still have old stuff from my relationships as well. I’ve always had long term relationships and no matter all the hurt and pain someone has put you through you can’t get rid of everything. But I can tell you right now if I was in a relationship and my ex was uncomfortable about me holding on to old pictures or letters I’d chuck them in a heartbeat. At the end of the day he is with you and doesn’t hesitate to throw them out.
I’ve been married 23 years. I have a small box of memories, which contains lots of pics with my ex… cards, letters, dried prom flowers etc. My husband knows what it is, but I sure don’t put the items from this box for my husband to see. It’s ok to keep those memories, but I feel, from reading your post, that your boyfriend is doing this on purpose.
Hes a man they dont see things like women do! He will no doubt be oblivious to half the stuff. Why not redecorate together or something to strip the house and make it your own together? Start a fresh? Your doing your own head in with it all, chill and talk to him and do it together
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I would of run away from a pusher like you, he has to prove he don’t care about the other 10 year of his life because you came to the picture and is insecure?! Are you serious? you are together for a year and expect him to forget delete his 10 year life he finished a year ago… not to upset you?? He has no feeling or emotions yes? Just yours matter i can see!!! Because I be upset… I’m sorry I don’t think you are mature enough to date a man with a past and the only thing that matters in your head right now… Is he still love her, why he keeps these things of their 10 year relationship that finished nearly a year ago… 
… Sort out your head.
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I wouldnt think into it that much, hell I’ve been seperated from my husband for 8 months and I havnt even bother in getting my stuff from the house every once in awhile I get a few things but it’s just not my primary thing i im focused on I have other crap I deal with like taking care of kids, work, ect.
Grow up. You’re not the center of the universe with all those insecurities shining like stars.
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He had 10 years, a marriage and a life built before you. Your relationship and love for each other doesn’t erase his past. Remember if it weren’t for his past experiences he wouldn’t be the man you know and love now. When you see these things and point them out he gets rid of them right? So he is showing you right there that those things don’t mean anything to him which is likely why you’re finding them at all…they mean so little has forgotten about them. You’re feelings are valid but I think you’re letting your insecurities get the best of you here.
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Don’t worry about that stuff when I met my husband and we were just dating I found lots of stuff from his past pics of girls videos and messages and I’m not gonna lie it hurt my feelings seeing that stuff but it was all before me and everytime I seen something new he deleted it. Or told me to. Now we are married with a daughter and a baby on the way don’t over think stuff like that unless it’s new
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He was with her for 10 years… his past will not just go away because he’s with someone new now. But, they’re divorced. And moving on. Guys, they don’t notice everything. Not like girls. And if you’re not okay with the fact that he had an entire life with someone else, and a past with another women. Or was in love with another female, then being with him isn’t right. And you need to figure out your own insecurities.
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You need to get over yourself . Girl he was with her for 10 years of course there is going to be stuff you find and he finds that have most likely been long forgotten about. Ask him when I find things like this do you want me to leave it where its at let you take care of it or do you want me to throw it away and tell him it does not matter what he want you to do but that you need to know what to do. Fact is he had a life before you with someone he loved and thought he would send the rest of his life with. She screwed up that does not mean he does not have feelings for you and want to marry you. Your insecurities though says a lot about your maturity and that you want everything to be about you and that everything before you be gone. Life does not happen that way and you expecting it to will cause huge issues in your relationship if you do not get that in check it can ruin your relationship. His life did not start with you, you can NOT expect him to act or pretend it never happened. If you can not accept that he had someone he love enough to marry in the past and planned to spend the rest of his life with her then you really need to rethink this relationship and stop hurting him by expecting him to not have a past. if you can not handle he had a past flat tell him I am sorry I can not get past that you were married before and break it off instead of constantly fight about stuff you find.
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If you are insecure about those items why don’t you ask him to do a “spring” cleaning or maybe get a new home together and start over but it sounds like you are insecure. Is he texting her? Are they still connected? If not then you should let it go. Do a good cleaning and let it go.
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Men. That’s first. No explanation needed. Second, it’s unfair to expect him to just pretend that part of his life didn’t happen. It sounds like they had an amicable relationship apart which says they were doing fine as friends. That’s allowed.
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Your plan out insecure and being crazy he will get rude of things on his own time stop complaining he’s with you he cut ties with her he gave the dogs up he constantly gets ride of everything that has ties with his ex wife when it’s mentioned he shows time after time he wants nothin to do with her
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Your insecurities are showing through here. He had a whole life with this woman,of course he still keeps things as he should be able. I think maturity will only make you understand and I mean nothing negative by that.
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Dear,stop being insecure.yes it hurts but in this generation u will never find someone without a past relationship.even u u had someone at some point.so if u love the guy learn to trust him n be patient with him plus try creating new memories together n everything in the past will vanish.
I’ve learned that men don’t pay attention to that stuff as much as woman do, he probably just doesn’t notice it
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Seriously I think you need to deal with your own insecurities they’ve been together for a lot of years and probably have tons of memories together and happen to have stuff lying around of an ex and your acting jealous of that ex that was before you sounds like your the one with the issue . Insecurities is not a good look or thing to have . In a relationship. It’s one way to blow your whole relationship away . Maybe 
get help to deal with your insecurities. And just let it go nothing to be jealous over .
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When you find something that bothers you ie letter, magnet picture what have you ask him nicely if he minds if you put it in a box you don’t have to mention why he will know and either put in the box or toss either way he’s shown to be transparent and trying. It doesn’t sound like he’s given you reason to mistrust so you should remind yourself daily of that because it sounds like you may have got a great guy.
Yeah over thinking…I still have pics of my ex with my kids.only because my kids are in it…they are not put up on walls…I only keep them because of my kids…he divorced her so why over think or be jealous.
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In theory they ‘should’ be gone… had he taken the time to heal and go through his things. however, they weren’t apart for even a year till you came around, still had contact, and shared their animals. They had a whole lifetime before you came along. Nothing will change that and you need to make peace with that. This is definitely your insecurities. It should not bother you in the way it is given he had a whole life and shared that house with this woman. Sounds like there wasn’t much time for healing and moving forward to have gone through his whole house before you came along. He got a divorce and cut ties with her… If you guys are actually serious and moving in such a direction and given the fact you’ve already brought it up, it’s as simple as an adult conversation. Hey, I’ve seen these things about, here’s how I feel. If shes got all her belongings, then the rest is up to him. He’s tossed some when you’ve brought it up, he’s shown he cares. You really need to think it through and be 100% understanding and patient with him. If he’s not allowed proper time to heal, future relationships will suffer. You need to understand he was in love with this woman, shared a life for 10 years. Yall ‘met’ shortly after online… take things slow, build a good foundation. He’ll go through when he’s ready.
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imo its ur own insecurities. He tosses them when you mention it .
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My old man still has pics of his ex wife on Facebook. They have 2 kids together. Doesn’t bother me. Just like I still have pics of my ex and I that he doesn’t mind me having, because they were important moments of my pregnancy that we shared. Its no big deal as long as he’s proving to you thats its you and only you.
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Get over it. Men don’t think like women. If when you found something and he wanted to keep it then I would say you have a problem
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You’re insecure af. You said yourself when you point these things out, he gets rid of them and proves to you he doesnt want her. He had a whole life with her, but thats PAST. Hopefully you dont ruin this relationship with your insecurities
Tbh men usually forget stuff is there. Women tend to have more of a sentimental attachment to things . If he throws them out when you mention them then can’t see the problem. They split up he is with you . You both have history. Enjoy your relationship. Insecurity can ruin even the best thing .
Men don’t really think of stuff like that. It is probably stuff she put up and he never even paid attention to. Maybe ask if you can take the stuff down. If he says yes then gather it all in a box and say hey I’ve got this stuff so do you want to look through it and see if anything you wanna keep? My now husband had a framed pic by his bed of his ex when we started dating. After about a month I said hey I think we should take this pic down. He looked over and said yeah sure. I changed it with a pic of me. He never even paid attention to it since she put it there in the 1st place. Since they were together and married a long time you can’t just toss it out but show that you respect his past but want to move on with y’alls future.
You’re overreacting. He throws them out as soon as you say something. You even flat out says he has proven he does not want those things in his home. It was a 10 year relationship and a marriage. A lot of things accumulate in that time.
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Men don’t think about stuff like that the same way we do. A magnet on the fridge is a way to hang something up, they just care about the function. As long as he’s getting rid of the stuff as it comes up, I think you’re good. He already pretty much cleared her out of his life for you.
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Those should have already been gone. 🤷
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I’m sorry but he shouldn’t have anything of his ex out where its visible. Its called an ex for a reason especially you being there. That’s disrespectful in my eyes.
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Just put the shit in a box and shove it somewhere. If he asks about it, tell him where its at. If not, just leave it. It’s not a big deal.
I think he probably had forgotten about that stuff. He’s over her.
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Jus throw it out as u come across it. He shows u, believe in him.
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No offense but its definitely just your insecurities eating at you. Remember, you’re who he’s with now and thats what matters. Not magnets, or letters or things from the PAST. You’re his present and his FUTURE.
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Stop acting jealous things on my mans that are ex related and pics and things i even know he talking to his ex’s. Long ur faithful and honest stop looking for reason break up
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He still love often let go
I’ve been separated from my ex for 8 years. I still have pics up, letters, etc… they are a part of my life even tho I left him
Guys are generally lazy… they over look that stuff. If he proves to you that he loves you and the past is in the past you should let it go too
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No. You’re not over reacting. When you’re with someone new, all that old shit needs taking out, not hanging around you guys home. It’s like walking down THEIR memory lane… no thank you
Some women can over look that kind of stuff. Not me. I want to move in and make our own memories, not get the privlage to witness what they once shared.
How is he holding onto the past?? When you point them out … he tosses them…
I need a good man… You can send him my way.
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Girl its just insecurities and thats okay because you can overcome them! I think guys are different from girls in the sense that they don’t go through everything and throw it away after a breakup… it seems like he’s just being a lil lazy about old stuff he doesn’t care about and probably doesn’t even know that it affects you this much… try having an honest and calm conversation with him and then if I were you I’d just throw the stuff away myself whenever I saw it… if he gets mad over that then I would say there’s a problem. Hope this helped a little…
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Your insecure men don’t notice remember where every little thing is just throw it away when you find stuff
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Stop listening to the negative thoughts in your head. His actions are proof he loves you. Follow the actions always!!
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I would put money on that he just doesn’t realize there’s little things like that laying around still. Men aren’t very observant. If he throws shit out no problem after you find it you’re good. He would have a million reasons not to get rid of it if he was just holding onto it.
I was in a 10 year relationship and he cheated so i left. When i moved i threw everything in boxes and totes quickly. Almost 2 years later i still find things from him and i immediately throw them out. I’m married now and my husband understands. I have no desire to relive any memories from that time.
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Seems you care more than him.
If your going to hold things like this over his head maybe you should end it and let him find someone who is not going to pick and nag at the past because they find a piece of paper.
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Hes a man he probly doesnt know about half the crap in his house lol
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I’d stop before you push him away
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Men don’t deal the same way as women. If it’s something useful, he will see it as serving a purpose. I don’t think they have attachments to inanimate objects as often as women do.
So if the magnets were being put to use, that is essentially its purpose in the home. Why replace something that functions just fine?
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Sounds like you’re insecure. He’s shown that he loves you, that’s what should matter. When I moved in with my husband 20 years ago, I found all sorts of things from his past and past relationships that he didn’t even remember having. Some of the stuff was kept and put away properly and other stuff was trashed. His actions are what matters…not the things you find. If you’re going to act like this man didn’t have a life before you and get upset or insecure over finding old things, you may need to rethink your readiness to actually be in a relationship. My husband is 17 years older than I am and had a whole life before he even knew I existed…if I would have gotten upset about everything from his past (including past relationships), we’d never be where we are today. If you truly love this man, understand that he had a life, relationships and experiences before he had you…don’t get upset about it.
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Because he has seen these everyday objects for years they don’t stand out to him. Give the guy a break! He made big moves to show you he was ready to move on, dont hold it against him that he doesnt have an emotional response to a refrigerator magnet 
its a good sign that he doesn’t actually
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You said that when things got serious with you, he stopped contact with her. When you find the save the dates/love letters, he throws them away… it sounds like he’s making every effort to do the right thing! Don’t let your paranoia ruin what sounds like a good thing you have with him.
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So he’s taking the stuff down and throwing it away, telling you he doesn’t care, and you’re still upset? Tf?
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Sounds like to me you’re overthinking it. It’s easy to miss things that were left behind from the past relationship. He’s throwing it out. He cut her off. That’s respect. But you’re human. Of course you’re going to be a little insecure. I would actually just talk to him about how you’re feeling and let him also reassure you. Sounds like you two have it going really good. 
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My dad just got married on the 20th last month. He’s been divorced from my mother for 17 years now. He was cleaning out his house for his wife to move in with him and they found a picture of my mom and his wedding from 24 years ago. You’re being insecure.
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Remove the things, put them in a box and put it away and say nothing. If he mentions it is missing, you know.
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Grow up. Each and every one of us has a past. You’ve said yourself he’s cut ties and throws the stuff away when you bring it up. You’re insecure and should probably figure out why before you push him away.
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My ex husband and I were married for 10 years, together for almost 13. We’ve been separated since July 2018 and divorced since October 2019. I didnt throw everything away from him. We have 2 children together and I moved the family pictures of us to the kids rooms. We’re still their family. If he’s throwing these things away because they bother you, he’s definitely not hung up on his ex. I still have a bunch of stuff from my past relationship and, to be honest, I wouldn’t throw it away to appease my current fiance. He wouldn’t expect me to either…so the fact that your significant other is doing so for you I think should be quite reassuring.
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I agree with everyone else, men don’t think about things like we do. It was 10 years so I’m sure there’s lot he didn’t think about. It sounds like he tried pretty hard tho to show you all ties were cut.
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He literally throws it away when you bring it to his attention. They spent a long time together in the same house. You’re going to find little things like that. From what you describe he sounds like a good man. Don’t mess it up.
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My current fiancé moved in with me about a year after my ex and I split, and there were still things that were his here, we were still figuring custody ect. I think I had just become so used to things being around that I never really gave it second thought. I was in no way interested in my ex at all, but for a lot of years prior he had been a large part of my life and even tho the feelings were gone, the fact that he was there still never went away. I think since your boyfriend is making efforts to make you feel better when you bring up these things is definitely a sign That he truly cares for you and wants you comfortable, it’s just hard to ever completely reset after a long term relationship
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Your giving him too much credit. Lol. Men are not that calculated. I bet he truly does not see this stuff or even remember it’s around. If you find it throw it out. If he asks you “where it went”…you have a problem.
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He’s a guy. He doesn’t think the same way. Seems he has proven to you he loves you and is faithful to you. I think your ready too much into this. You ask and he removes things. I do t know what more he could do. He likely doesn’t even see the things you are bothered by. Just because they’ve been there for a long time.
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You sound very young and immature!
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So my man was previously married before me ,there were still a few things to throw out gqgggagg …yea it was annoying to find for me …but im grown and knows he loves me …I dont question it …he even threw out some old pics of them together …that said alot to me …as long as he doesn’t accidentally call you her name …I think your good honey 
…women and men r sooo different during breakups…women have burn parties …and men … who knows what men do …they can’t even clean the house …so don’t except them to even take a day to declutter lol
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He sounds like a man who just wants love and commitment so be that for him ,don’t Make a fight every time you find the old stuff , and please don’t go out of your way to look for stuff either, I feel like that’s toxic to read the love letters as well
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He had a life before you
. if it bothers you go through the house together Mari Kondo style and everything from the ex will put in a box label it and put in the garage
You can’t erase the past it made him who he is
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Or maybe he just cant br bothered to get rid off till u say something hhe prob dont even notice them there xx
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My husband was married with kids for a long time. Divorced for 5 years when we met. He still has wedding pictures and memories from his marriage. Not out but stored away. I’ve seen them I’ve looked through them with him. That’s the mother of his kids and lots of memories. I would never want him to get rid of them. He had a life before me and I’m ok with that.
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Honestly him throwing it out as you find it seems about the right thing to do. You’re looking for problems in an area where they don’t exist
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Lol like everyone is saying. Men don’t think like that. They are simple. Nothing is in their head untill they see it or are told about it (then they know everything 
) give him a chance!
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You’re being insanely insecure. Like everyone else says, I guarantee you he doesn’t even see that stuff around. Sounds like you got a keeper if he’s willing to reassure you every time like that.
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You’re very insecure. Please don’t make him feel bad for not grabbing every single thing and throwing it all away at once. Being together that long you’ll definitely be finding things. I was together with my ex for 5 years and never married and still found random things here and there that I ended up forgetting I ever had.
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Tbh I would just start throwing it out myself. When me and my bf got together I asked why he still had stuff around the house of hers and he said “I just don’t really pay attention” and “Just throw it out” it didn’t really bother me too much I was just curious why he still had stuff of hers if she came to get her stuff originally anyway. I don’t think you should let it bother you too much. And if it does bother you just ask him if you see it laying around if you can just go ahead and throw it out. 9 times outta 10 if their not holding onto a past relationship they won’t care.
They shared 10 years together. There’s gonna be shit that pops up from time to time. 10 years is a long time. I think it’s a little insecurity. Plus men are dumb. He genuinely probably didn’t see or notice them.
My fiance still had his wedding photo when I got with him which I can understand. He ended up throwing it out once it got serious between us. He said it belongs in the past now
I still have a box with pictures and love letters from my first “real” relationship. We don’t have any ties or kids together but I always kept everything to remind myself what real love is and hope to one day show my daughter and tell her that story. It’s a very good reminder to myself when I’m feeling lost in this dating world and it was a relationship that helped mold me into who I am today. You’re not wrong for feeling the way you do, we are only human. Just try to give him a break and make sure to COMMUNICATE when things like that bother you so you two can navigate through it together
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When I moved I found pics of my ex and threw them out he sounds like hes being honest and you need to chill
Have a conversation about how it makes you feel! Respectfully and calmly of course, approach it with delicacy. Ask him if you can both come up with a solution that he’s comfortable with, whether you spend a day going through the house and ‘purging’ or whether he’s happy for you to get rid of things yourself. This is common for guys, I have experienced it with past relationships too. I had to help my last partner go through his ex’s belongings, and in the end he couldn’t deal with it, it was too traumatic, so I sorted it all and put all rubbish in the bin and her belongings out of sight so he could decide what to do when he was ready. He was very grateful.
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Great out and find someone else u don’t need all that shit
Men are slower to the “what matters” stuff. It bothers you but he probably doesn’t even notice these things still around until you find them.
Does he own the home? If renting or you’re both that serious look into getting a new place and ditch her stuff as you pack
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Men don’t care about all that petty stuff! You’re being super immature.
Hes a man and most men i know cant be asked to go through things and sort things they just leave them hes probably not even aware hes still got some of that stuff. Hes throwing it out when you find it so its not like hes holding on to the stuff on purpose
10 years. That is a lot of time to acquire crap that will drive you nuts but he does not even realize is an issue. In the words of Elsa
What more does he have to do? If it’s the accidentally finding things do the whole clean out if that helps but seems his actions are good.
I would throw them away. But the fact he’s willing to is a great sign. Be confident. She’s a cheating piece of shit I’m sure he wants you
He has definitely shown how much he cares about you. Just stop being so insecure
Everyone has a past. They were together a long time. There will be things in the house somewhere. I think you will end up pushing him away if you keep on this road.
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Boys are oblivious and I honestly think he has no idea any of the stuff is even there, they don’t pay attention that much
Immature, Insecure, and very Selfish.
This was a chapter in HIS life, not yours.
You have ZERO right to expect him to simply forget about the important people in his life because you are insecure??
Stop acting like a self-centered teenager and grow up.
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