I would not buy it. I would invite her over for a visit.
Gotta love the power of manipulation.
Do not get that gift!!!
Nope she gets a merry Christmas haha
Give your head a shake, do not get her the expensive gifts
Not your circus… NO!
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You are being used don’t buy it
Don’t buy it for her
Am I the only one who is curious why she’s still involved with her ex husbands kids? My ex husband had three also, and I had one. When we divorced, we no longer saw each other or the others kids. My sons dad has never been involved, but even when my ex and I split, he didn’t stick around or ask to see my son anymore.
Give her a gift card for what you can afford, dont let her guilt you into anything
No. If she can’t spend time with you then don’t go broke.
Don’t bother… if all she wants are gifts … buy her what she needs.
You better not get her shit. If she want to treat you like that
Buy her something small and meaningful. Like a Willow Tree figurine. She is just 13 and while manipulative, might be pushing you away to see if you will stick with her. I totally wouldn’t buy the item she asked you for though.
One day that 13 yr old will be an ADULT. I know I’m definitely not the same person I was at 13 and know way better than I did then. Tough love is counterproductive at that age. If you want a relationship with this child for the rest of her life look at the bigger picture that sometimes kids don’t want to leave or be around you. Which is every person’s right. If my dad would’ve just cut me off when I went months sometimes almost a year not wanting to go then we wouldn’t have a relationship now. I think the long run is way more important than your feelings being hurt because she would rather stay home, who knows what she’s going through. And at the end of the day, she is the child and deserves grace.
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I’d like to take it from the child’s perspective here, especially being a product of divorce at about the same age. She’s angry. She’s angry that her mom left her. And she’s angry that you left her. Of course, you didn’t, but you are the one who is no longer in the house. I did same thing to my dad. Now, is there a level of manipulation going on with the gift request? Of course there is. She’s a teenager. It’s what they do. Worry less about the gift right now and more about her emotional state. Continue to try and show her that you want to be part of her life.
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This sounds like a typical 13 year old. I’m surprised at some of the comments being made. You all are treating her like she is already an adult? I do not condone her behaviour but I do believe you all are being a little dramatic over this. I don’t have advice to give, but she is 13 years old. I was still getting teddy bears at this age. So get her age appropriate presents and forget about her request.
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Get her a gift card, or something small that you can reasonably afford. 
Remember she’s a kid and don’t take it personally.
It might feel like she’s attacking / using you… But kids who have been abandoned lash out in all kinds of different ways.
Even though you’re still trying to be part of her life and want to stay in contact with her… You’re are another adult/ parent figure who’s not with her… You’re not her birth mother, but I’m sure she’s taking out some of her sadness on you. 
Yes the young girl is 13 and should probably know better but are you all forgetting she has lost not 1 but 2 mums in a way due to 1 mom not being interested and another due to a failed marriage. At the end of the day she is still a child probably feeling unloved and unwanted in the world. Yes the OP has tried to involve her but are we all forgetting what it’s like to be 13??
Whaaaaaaaaaat a brat 
tell her youre not her piggy bank and you feel since she dusts you off then maybe when she starts acknowledging you she can get what she wants. You don’t deserve to be treated that way. If it were me I’d tell her no. What happens when she gets what she wants and goes back to treating you like you don’t matter? You get what you give and in this case she should get nothing.
If she sent the link without you asking tell her you haven’t visited in over a year. Sorry. That’s not how it works in life.
You can chose a gift you would like that child to have and within your budget.
Everyone knows something fancy they’d like to get for Christmas but doesn’t mean they will get it.
Also, being 13… It’s the beginning of the dramatic teen years and as easy as advice may sound, don’t take it personal!
That age they want their friends the most!
Don’t buy her nothing, cause you’ll buy the gift and she will be a worse brat
Buy nothing. Send loves… 
Send her a link to your home
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Very manipulative to me.
Follow your gut feeling. You know what’s right. 
Send her links to jobs or a baby sitting site.
Nope!!! Tell her to send the link to her mother:joy:
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Not a f*ing chance. It’s ok that she doesn’t want to come over (although I understand the hurt feelings) but she doesn’t get to expect effort when she’s giving none.
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I would be honest. I would say listen I have been trying very hard to maintain our relationship over this past year. I have reached out without pushing and you have pushed me away. So I need to ask why you have sent this gift request to me yet refuse to have anything to do with me? Perhaps that may open some lines of communication? Cant hurt to be honest. I would buy her a present I can afford because I love her and I want to, no other reason.
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Do not buy that manipulative child that gift. She is well old enough to know exactly what she is doing. Its a horrible message to reinforce in someone so young. To keep people around only for what you can milk out of them. Oh no no no!! Rather offer maybe some kind if fun activity that can maybe really help you guys reconnect. 13 is a tough age, but I find as a mom of 3 teen girls myself that sometimes a direct approach is best. Sometimes they don’t see adults as having their own feelings and a good reminder that you can hurt and feel is necessary.
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You’re being manipulated…she needs to learn manners and now at that age its important to learn the steps to being a respectful human being…and learn nothing is for free.
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I know it’s rough but it’s kind of her way to make you pay for leaving her I would say no I wouldn’t get it I would get her something but not the expensive present she wants because you’re not buying her love. Especially if when you can’t afford the item she wants
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Nope. Don’t get the gift. I know you are worried about her hating you, but it already sounds like there’s an emotional disconnection. Getting her the gift won’t change that. Also, I’m surprised she’s asking you, a newly single mother and not her father. Also a sign of emotional disconnect. Kindly inform her that you are unable to afford said gift and have her send you a list of things she would like that you may choose from (make sure she is aware you are not buying everything on the list).
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I would give her a heart filled gift. I understand what you are saying but I was that girl and she has felt left twice now. I fill for both but as a parent dont let her run over u.
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Nope. Do not buy her anything. She’s old enough to know what she’s doing. Keep reaching out,letting her know you love her and want to see her. But she’s got to put some effort into a relationship too.
No you are not to sensitive. If she really wanted interaction with you she should have done it all year. If you love her as a child. Let her know. Also let her know this is hurting your feelings
Your feelings are natural. Not sensitive at all. As far as the gift, I would leave that in your exs court. Idk how old the otber 2 are but if you can’t afford an expensive gift for one then you surely can’t for 3. And, it could be viewed as trying to bribe her into visiting with you.
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U can give her an gift if u want …it don’t have to be wat she wants…if u can’t afford it…
She’s not stupid
Talk to her about that she is not spending time with you. Get the gift of you but let her know she has to start treating you better. Or next year don’t ask.
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She’s old enough to know what she’s doing , that was me as a kid , don’t buy her the gift , buy her something but not the gift you can’t afford for someone who you never spend time with
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I would get her an affordable gift instead. She’s old enough to understand.
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How can you give it straight to a 13-year-old that perceptively behaves that way? You cannot. The odds are as high that they will turn it on you. Maybe she is struggling with having to feel like she needs to take mom’s side and thereby making you enemy by default. Who knows what kind of kid she is? Well, you do. And even more so, your other half.
That said, you know your situation best. Trust your instincts.
She is old enough to know what she s doing. She is buying you. Don’t fall for it
Nope you’re not being too sensitive ,nope you’re not buying an expensive gift you can’t afford , nope you will be no longer be used or manipulated by a child especially one that you did not bear and nope you’re not frustrated !!
Don’t by that gift she is old enough to know what she is doing don’t let her play you
First of all she needsvto respect you she is a child you are the adult. If you cant speak to me then a expensive xnas gift is a definite no. Let her haver her attitude and you srand your ground.
Nope, your exactly right. Do not buy her that. What does that prove except your an enabler to that conduct.
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Do you still get alomg with her dad? If so maybe ask him if he would be willing to go half with you.
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You will do that child no favors by buying her a gift. I understand your feelings but she’s 13 and needs to start learning how to treat people.
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Absolutely not if you want to get her something that’s fine but don’t go out of your spending zone to appease her she doesn’t deserve it and as per your words you can’t afford it
No. Just no. Your not being too sensitive. She’s playing you. She will be just as cold to you the day after Christmas if you get it for her. She’s 13…going through body changes, emotional changes, mental and family changes. Let her know that you’re still there for her as a “mom” figure if she needs you. That just be you and her father are not together, doesn’t change your feelings for her.
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My daughter thought she could do this with a family member of mine and I caught on and said how I felt about it. She was younger than 13. This girl can handle the truth and it will make her a better person someday.
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Don’t buy her a single thing! She’s being manipulative.
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Yea I agree, no, sends wrong message. You can’t buy what you really want with her.
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She’s manipulating you! She’s not a child anymore. She knows exactly what she is doing. Don’t fall for it because if you do, she will just accuse you of buying her love
She is trying to use you. Knowing that you want things to be ok with the 2 of you, she is thinking that you will buy her this gift, in hopes that it will make everything alright again. DO NOT FALL FOR IT!!!
No it’s called tough love and respect requires a certain amount of give and take. Cant do that, then dont expect anything in return.
Do not buy it! She is playing you!
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You are being used. If she wants such an expensive gift then visit more and try again NEXT year.
Don’t buy it. She apparently didn’t bond with you to the extent you bonded with her but she sure knows how to commit emotional black mail to get a gift out of you…a pricey one at that. IF you have bought her a present customarily since the split then buy her whatever YOU want to buy her without replying or even bringing up the unreasonable gift request. She is at a manipulative age and she knows exactly what she’s doing. A young lady who hasn’t wanted to spend time with you for a year doesn’t get to request a gift. Nope.
Straight up manipulation! Do not cave!
No. No way. That’s bullcrap. Dont do it.
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She not that young .
Life is the gift that dear lord gives us daily a cute Xmas card is worth more then the gift she trying to tract your attention.
My own 13 year old is mean and hates me😅 and I’m still going to buy her Christmas presents😅 teenagers…not cool🥴
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I say NO gift I can show you better then I can tell you. You not gone do me jus disrespectful
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She already doesn’t like you, not getting the gift won’t change much 
No matter the situation you said you really can’t afford it DONT GET IT!
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I wouldn’t buy it maybe a gift voucher for half of it would be plenty kids do this and it’s disrespectful they have to learn to give to receive I wouldn’t buy it for her sorry merry Christmas to you
Don’t respond too the message
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Oh nope. Probably what happened is everyone said no to her.
Don’t buy that girl anything!
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I’d pretend like I didn’t see the link! Get her something you can afford, or even make her something! Don’t feel obligated!
Don’t buy that gift!!! She ain’t spending any time with you, but sends the link as it’s Christmas?. Nope!!!
Do not buy her a thing.
Wow, this is complicated. She most likely means no ill but is a product of her current chaos. Don’t buy it, buy it, whatever, but stay in her life and express your feelings to her. Her angst mau come across but just be honest with her.
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She’s playing you. She may be a kid but old enough to be manipulative. I’d get her something still but not the expensive thing she wants. She is old enough to have a conversation with. Tell her it hurts you that you been trying all year to get her to come over and she “rather stay home”
Nope she gets no big gift this year socks n undies wit a christmas sweater if u ask me shitttt lol
It sounds like your ex doesn’t want to buy this expensive gift. He probably told her to ask you for it. They’re taking advantage of your desire for a relationship. Don’t fall for it. They’ll continue to take advantage of you for years to come.
“I’m sorry but I’ve got many financial obligations. I have a small gift for you but it’s all I can afford. Please know I’m here if you ever need to talk and I love you. I just have very little at this time.”
Kids know how to work it… don’t fall for it
No,. don’t buy the gift …
.
Definitely don’t buy it.
Let’s slow down on the calling the child names. The poster did not elaborate what led to the divorce. Who knows what happened and what the dynamic was before hand. Or how the child has coped with having her world turned upside down. The child could also be having natural feelings of loyalty to her father.
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I’m gonna be the odd man out here & say the opposite of everyone here…
This is a 13 year old girl from not one but TWO broken homes & now NO mother in her life 
That’s traumatic. I’m sure “saying no” to your visits was an attempt to see just how far you would “fight” for her to remain in your life.
If you were close during your marriage to her dad, she is probably feeling betrayed, left behind again, & seriously lost…
Be the grown up here & put your hurt feelings aside, & place yourself in her shoes. Call her a lot. Mail her cards saying you think of her. Ask multiple times for her to visit.
As far as the gift, tell her what you can afford, & explain that you will get her a gift card for that amount, with the hopes she can get another gift card to go with it & be able to buy the gift herself.
Honestly, it sounds like the young lady just wants to matter to someone with no strings attached, just like we all yearn for 🤷
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don’t buy her anything she asks you to because she’s not even going to be grateful. you’re going to be resentful when she turns around and keeps treating you the same way
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I mean, I would get it for her. I know everyone’s telling you not too, but I really don’t see an issue. If you can’t afford it be straight up with her and tell her “honey I can’t afford that.” She may not be coming over to visit because she doesn’t want to upset her dad. She’s a teenager, I lived out of my room at 13 and only came out for meals and to shower. Other than that, I stayed in my room. Maybe she’s a little upset that you left and no longer live with them. If she doesn’t have a mother, she probably views you as that mother figure. To me, she sounds like a typical teenager. I didn’t want to go to my dads house at 14. Mostly because all my stuff was at my moms house and it was just too much work to go back and fourth so I mostly just stayed home. I didn’t love my dad any less.
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I definitely would not get it that’s like trying to buy her affection, once she has it she will be right back to ignoring u until she wants something else
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PEG ZEISER: Don’t send her the gift. If it’s on Amazon, give her an Amazon gift card in an amount you can afford, or Visa gift card if it’s somewhere else. Tell her it’s a lesson in saving up for what you want.
Don’t buy her that it’ll just teach her to use people for stuff what a selfish little jerk don’t teach her to be worse don’t play into it
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My daughter is 12 now, today she hates us, tomorrow she loves us. Some days she comes from school and wants to cry for nothing, just because. Her hormones are a daily rollercoaster. This age is fragile, I don’t think she is using you, she is doing what every other kid her age does. Your question was if you’re too sensitive? I think you are.
I’m not saying buy her that gift, but be the adult. She is at a critical age, and she has no mom to look out for, obviously she trust you enough to share that with you, because you’re all she knows closer to a mom.
no, you are NOT being over-sensitive, but SHE is being extremely INSENSITIVE. she ONLY wants your attention when she can profit from you. just because you love her, don’t let her abuse you. once the abuse starts, it will only get worse. it is called TOUGH LOVE
Nah lil mama keep that same stay at home energy!
Ahh yes 13 the age of lies and manipulation
Fuck that. I’d tell her honestly what I think about that.
Lmfao hahahaha she’d fucking hate me because my response to her would be “tell your father to get it for you because I am not buying something expensive for a brat that have refused to spend quality time with me for the past year…!!”
Manipulate ass child. No fucking chance.
Damn, what a waste of time, even raising this selfish little asshole!!