Do not buy that bullshit. That’s what you call manipulation. She don’t want anything to do with you but yet she wants a reward for no communication. She’s 13, not 3. If she wants something, she is gonna have to suck up that snooty attitude and start doing something to show she deserves it.
I’m matching energy you ain’t got shit to say until you want something likewise🤷🏽♀️ not your kids not your problem. Let her act stank let her dad deal with it and move on.
money can’t buy love
My husband was/is in a very similar situation with his first wife. She had 2 girls from previous relationships and then she had a son with my husband. My husband was always very close with the oldest girl and when they got divorced he NEVER saw her or her sister afterwards. A few years back when the girl graduated high school they started talking again( but still didn’t visit with her) I’ve heard stories about how spoiled she is from her grandmother and how she’d throw fits if she didn’t get what she wanted. So she’d call up my husband asking him for things,money,to stay here etc…he ended up giving her a LOT of money after her college graduation and he hasn’t heard from her since. Believe me she knows what she’s doing. DON’T buy her a dam thing
Send the link to her father
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Unfortunately money is an issue, maybe talk to the ex and see if he can help out with the gift? Ask her to lunch and to go shopping with you? And to help pick small gifts for the other kids… she’s a teen full of emotion… can’t expect too much
Yes she’s taking advantage of the situation and if you can’t afford it please don’t buy it it’s 2020 and 2021 may be a little bit more rocky than 2020 so save all your money and she can talk to her dad or whoever she’s been staying with this whole year about what she wants for Christmas that’s not your problem
Can you be honest with her? I would just say that’s out of my budget as much as I would love to get you what you want. Could you send me something else under $___ dollars. Also, I would love to see you to give your present.
She is 13 and had a lot of loss so she is trying to test you to see if you will leave too. If you can be patient it’s not easy I know. I hope you have a wonderful holiday.
If she’s grown enough to not want to spend time together, then she’s grown enough to save up her own money that her Dad May give her and buy that gift her darn self. Ungratefulness and blatant disrespect of elders don’t get rewarded with nice things. Give her a lump of coal like Santa.
No. No. No. no. Do not buy That child a darned thing! Okay, maybe something reasonably priced if you’re going to get ALL of the rest of the kids stuff too, but you shouldn’t be buying your own child who you see every day something you can’t afford, much less a child who has shown you that they do not appreciate the time and effort and love that you put in and only reached out when they wanted something. I know it’s tempting to want to buy something in hopes that she may show you more affection but it will be short lived and long term you will have done something not financially wise for yourself. She should be thankful she has something money can’t buy, someone who cares about her!
Seriously fuck that child she is totally aware of what she’s doing. Get her a pair of socks.
That’s rough. I’d have to say no though.
she is trying to use you dont give in if you do it once she will do it again if she doesnt care to come see you let it go
She’s trying to play you. Don’t do it. Up to you if you want to send her a note or not explaining why.
Tell her to send the link to dad and end with I’d love to spend time with you.
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Wouldn’t do it using you
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It’s best to be honest with her about how you feel due to the way your relationship became.
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Make her happy an get her the damn gift!!! My own kids treat me like shit an walk all over me an I still buy them what they ask for. Just like this X-mas they both have treated me like dirt but have asked for a new flat screen smart TV an a new game console. They will be getting what they asked for plus more
I would just say make him buy it I don’t think kids need expensive gifts anyways
Why are you even involved with a child of a previous marriage? You haven’t been with this man for two years, this child has no interest in you at all.
tell her you cant afford it. she will understand or she wont. DO not go into debt to buy love!!
U dnt need to spend $ on her, let her learn hard way. “NO”
My niece was born when I was 17. She lived in my parent’s house, with me, until I moved out in my mid-late 20s. She call(s/ed) me mom from the beginning. She now lives 4+ hours away from me with her mother. I haven’t seen her since March because of covid. Despite her having had a room in my home (her room… Full of her things… And all bedroom furniture), she hasn’t stayed here with me in probably a year and a half at least. She’s a teenager (14) now and they get “lazy” and comfortable in their own surroundings. I don’t think it’s manipulation. I bet she still loves you just the same. Talk to her and find out what’s going on. That does not, however, obligate you to buy her something you can’t afford. I’d talk to her about that too!
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My son is thirteen, I see him like 12 minutes a day off I’m lucky and he lives here. I can go full weekend without seeing him unless I go in his room and annoy him… And then he asks me to get out. 
.
Could just be a kid thing.
As far as the Christmas gift goes, my son wants a gaming computer. Of course is WAY outside budget, but I’ve been getting him gift cards toward the purchase. Trying to teaching him the save up/ good things come to those who wait thing…
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No and don’t buy it… she’s using you. …
Always remember, you can’t buy love are respect.
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My dear you are not been used
Just help her out
Buy her a basket full of cleaning supplies and tell her to get to work!
Kids will ask for expensive gifts but they have no clue how expensive life is. If you buy it for her, she and the others will continue to do so. Its important to teach what is appropriate and what isn’t. Just let her know that its too expensive, and to give you a couple of suggestions of things she’d like in a certain price range. By her age I would suggest to my kids that they can be giving gifts to family members also. Such as a coupon for a chore to be done, something they made, etc. There are so many things to teach in parenting! Good luck 
No, ignore the request. She has no right to expect anything from you. You can’t afford it and you probably won’t even get a thank you.
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In my opinion, that’s any teenager. They want to do their own thing. Ask dad how much time she spends hanging out with him. Situation might be different but sounds like a normal teens. HOWEVER… that is disrespectful to do what she did. I don’t think you should, simply bc that’s ungrateful. She took it upon herself to pick something, and then expensive as well.
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We want to be loved and accepted but you can’t buy love, respect, compassion, or relationships I myself would not buy it for her whatever your decision is maybe the same result it’s up to you.
Do not buy it you are being taken advantage of
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Nope…needs to understand the true meaning of Christmas, not about the presents & how much you spend. If she can’t spend time, you can’t spend money.
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Don’t buy it! If she won’t see you, she’s just using you for this gift she wants. That’s not fair of her to do.
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Tell her how you feel everyone is so protective of theirs kids having hurt feelings now a days when sometimes hurt feelings is how we learn from our mistakes. She should know that she cant have her cake and eat it too.
IMO; teenagers have a lot of complex feelings. They don’t know what they’re doing with them. She’s probably upset that you guys didn’t work out and is taking it out on you… I would look for something similar but more in my price range. If you’ve been a big part of her life don’t give up on her.
At 13, she is just being a greedy teenager.
That is very disrespectful. I wouldn’t be buying the expensive gift. I’d get her a gift but something affordable.
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If this was “jst being a teenager, the parents TOGETHER should have discussed visitation wit said child. If father is allowing her to decide if she wants to visit then there should be no hurt feelings when u decide not to purchase the child anything.
FOR EVERY VISIT SHE ATTENDED ID SPEND $10 on her. No visits no presents. What comes around goes around
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Always listen to the “little voice in your head”…if you feel you are being used…you are…don’t do it and if she asks why…tell her you never even come to see me.
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No i wouldnt
. dont you dare
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I wouldn’t… explain that all you wanted was the gift of her time which was free and she couldn’t be bothered so unfortunately you get what you give…
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She is old enough to know what she’s doing. No. Do not buy her affection. That will give her a distorted view for later in life. Tough love. It’s hard. But it’s needed.
I’d tell her to pound sand
She wasn’t interested in you don’t know I would be buying anything
She’s a teenager and it’s trying to sort thru all the teen craziness. I would text her back and start a conversation about the link. Looks pretty neat. Did you see the price? What ways are you looking at to make extra money to be able to achieve that goal? I dont have the money in the Christmas budget but I have jobs around the house I could pay you to do for you to reach your goal. You were in her life when you were with her dad. I think I would be there thru the thick and thin. They are trying to figure out emotions, communicating etc. Kill her with kindness. She will remember who was there for her.
If you cant afford it, you can’t. Try to find something similar if you can. Lots of hormones going on in a new teens body and she may be feeling a new wave of upset from her mom and be giving you the cold shoulder because of it. In any case, let her know that no matter how much of a turd she is, she’s still got your love
As I’ve told my sister they are not your daughters and they aren’t your worry and yes that is her using you don’t fall for it just to get them your heart hurt again stop trying to connect with a child that’s not yours I know that what I say is harsh but it has to be
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No, you’re not being overly sensitive.
You obviously care for her and a gift within your budget is fine. Regardless of her behavior, you shouldn’t go outside of what you can afford. I would speak to her about how she has made you feel. She is old enough to understand emotions and the consequences of her actions whether they were intentional or not.
Also, I’m sorry that you’re having to go through this. Relationships like that are difficult after a split. My ex’s three children were in my life for 5 years and I love them like my own. Losing my relationship with them was a devastating consequence of our split.
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Don’t do it. I have the most giving heart but she just wants the gift. Buy her something small and apologize and she will show her true colors
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13 year old these days can be quite deceptive. Get her what you can afford and she should be thankful for it.
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I’m confused, why are you torn, she chooses not to acknowledge you, until she believes you should do this to prove what to her, I’m not understanding the situation, if you love her and what to do this ,then do it, and if you cannot afford to do it,then dont but give her something from the heart and if that’s not good enough it reflects her,not you
She probably just asked you because Maybe daddy said no he couldn’t or wouldn’t too much money, and wants to see what you would do if you’ll get it, even though you don’t really see her at all it happens when you’re not with the parent of that child the dad sometimes you don’t have much to do with his kids relationship it just happens, but maybe she feel some type of way like you left the family her dad and her siblings on her dad side.
My husband’s 15 year old son from a previous relationship does this…we got together when he was 4 years old but hardly ever sees his father and he attempts to try and see him all the time but the kid always has an excuse…the only time he wants to see him or talk is if he wants something or needs money…they are teenagers they know what they are doing…I wouldn’t buy her nothing until she starts talking and seeing you without having to give her gifts
At 13, she knows what she’s doing. She’s not at all in your life so I would just be friendly with her and maybe later things will change. Don’t be obligated towards her-- not worth it. She needs to treat you better and spend some time with you!
No. Do not get her that gift. She can’t make the effort, and you have to pay for her affection? No. You deserve better mental treatment. You need to set boundaries or you’ll forever be heartbroken
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You are not being sensitive. Your feelings are rightfully hurt. If we stick to the meaning of Christmas, you should figure out how to build a better relationship with her so the next year it feels meaningful. That’s an honest answer. If you want to gift her something, it should be something you choose. If she doesn’t like it, then she needs to be taught gratitude.
She is old enough to know that’s rude asf. Don’t buy her that gift. Just because she is upsets doesn’t mean she gets to treat people poorly and then be rewarded. How dare she even ask you when she won’t even give you the time of day. She’s 13 not 5 she knows wth she’s doing.
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Great time to teach this girl a valuable lesson. If you can’t afford it, tell her so and explain how inappropriate her asking you for an expensive gift is after refusing to even spend time with you. I would also tell your ex about it if he is unaware so he can have a talk with her too.
You shouldn’t feel torn to get her the gift. Time is a gift she hasn’t wanted from you!
Don’t feel bad for not getting her the expensive gift…sounds like she doesn’t desert it!
So, I’m trying to put myself in your shoes.
Yes, I’d defiantly feel used. I’d also explain that the gift she asked for was is out of your price range. I’d also express how your feelings to her. She’s more then old enough to have that conversation with.
Yes yes yes U are being USED never allow people to use u to their convience. U dont have anything to feel bad about if she is so young an already know how to use U i think she is being coached to do that i was in that situation used yes
do not let a 13 yo control whatever kind of relationship you have. 13 yo’s are very manipulating…comes with the age. You cannot buy her love.
She maybe have different perspective than you. If you want her in your life then you have to be the one to bend. Maybe she thinks she has to be on her dad’s corner.
If you get that expensive gift for her you set the tone for how she will think she can always treat you. Throw that guilt out the window. Shes just manipulating you.
She’s 13 and probably really confused and frustrated over everything. Gift apart, I think you need to try and make of an effort to see her. Let her know that you want her in your life, I bet she thinks you don’t.
Shes testing you. Tell her you will give her money towards it. But only what you can afford. If she gets in a strop dont give her anything
Thats not right at all, she has no respect for you & don’t buy it for her !! Never feel guilty you must set boundries or she’ll continue to be like that !
Entitlement is not something we as adults need to cave into for 13 year olds.
IF you are going to purchase a gift for her let it be what you can afford.
Hell fucking no…she’s trying to use/manipulate you!!! I would honestly talk to your ex about this, then sit her down TOGETHER and explain, this kind of behavior/treatment of people is unacceptable. It’s not okay and it hurts people’s feelings to ignore them or pay no attention to them and then expect something big from them. It’s selfish. She needs to learn!! A valuable lesson right here!!!
Edit…after that, spend one on one time with her. Talk about her interests or anything she likes, make her feel cared for, show her your still there for her, regardless!!!
You do not have to buy her love or attention, even if it is in your budget, do not reward bad behavior
No way she is using you tell her if she can’t come around any other time she is not getting anything.
I would say she is using you to get what she wants .Then she will have no use for you after she get it.
Don’t get the expensive gift she is using you
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That’s normal for a 13yr old. Its the age when they are trying to find their independence and how much they can get away with. 
No. Do not reward bad behavior. Tell her no and tell her why. Do not play games.
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Absolutely not. You have every reason to feel that way
Keep your money Christmas is only one and not even Christ birthday look it up in ur encyoprdia
I dont blame you for feeling that way at all, I MAY get her a lil something n dont go broke just to please someone that doesn’t respect you n visit.
I would get her her a little something that she can cherish for years I.e I necklace or a photo of you and her something thats special. I’m guessing you asked her what she liked or she sent you the link hoping you will get it for her? She needs to remember your not her mother and her dad and you no longer are together. I would simply say I’m sorry darling but I can’t afford this but I will get you something special from me that you can have for years.
Tell her you’ll pick a nice gift for her at the Dollar Store. Don’t dare give her what she has dictated.
Dont buy it, save your money, she only knows you when she wants something
Dont do it!! And no you are not overly sensitive
Say, “I can only afford to spend $XX.XX. Would you like a gift or a gift card for that amount?” Good luck.
No. You are being played. Don’t fall for it.
She’s using you. Don’t give in
You’re being manipulated. Don’t.
Do NOT buy that item. I repeat DO NOT BUY IT!
Get her a little something you can afford.
Don’t reward negative behaviour.
Yeah you are being used lol and she don’t care. She doesn’t like you and doesn’t wana be around you clearly but she’s gona talk to you when it comes to an expensive gift? Comming from someone who knows about that yeah she’s using uou
You don’t owe anyone any Christmas presents unless you’re spending the holidays with them and AGREED to be exchanging gifts. I wouldn’t respond to the text and I wouldn’t say anything at all to her about not visiting. You can say “merry Christmas, I miss you!” In passing. Otherwise try to ignore this manipulation
I know this all too well. You can’t afford it so just send her a card in the mail and say you love her. You can give till hell freezes over but buying things for them won’t help. Hang in there, I know it hurts and being sensitive is a good quality but that doesn’t mean you have to comply to every wish she wants. Let daddy buy it. Hang in there.
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If you trying to maintain a relationship with her, you need to listen to your heart. I’m a mom of 4 the youngest is 14 and whether they live with you or not typical teenagers can be very hurtful & even manipulative. Your job even if you’re not still portrayed as the mom due to your divorce is to show that regardless of what your children do they always have your love & support even when they act like they don’t want it. Now how you show them that is on you because everyone is different. If you can’t afford what she wants I think a gft card towards it works. Are you getting gifts for the other kids? Keep it similar because they sound like they all still need you in their lives. Don’t try to bribe or manipulate back that doesn’t teach them anything just continue to show your love & support in the way you’ve always done and eventually they will see that you haven’t abandoned them or aren’t seeking their attention as a way to get to their father. Teens see so much now and have every reason to be unsure of others motives. Who knows what they are being told by friends, relatives etc that can cause them to have doubts. Just show them you’re sincere.
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I wpuld say forget it, she’s very selfish.
Drop heroffyourlist.
talk to her dad about it, maybe buy it 50/50 so it’s not so much of a hit. or talk to her about how you feel or make more of an effort to just be her friend when she needs you. gI’d call during the week just to ask how she’s doing and if she ever wants to talk you’re available. Being a child is hard and preteen to 30 is hard on every child. They can always need good friends!
She knows what she is doing, it’s sad but it is the truth. I have been getting done this way too by a family member, only time I’m contacted is when they want something, I give when I am able, don’t when I can’t. It’s a different scenario with them tho. In this situation, she has refused to have anything to do with you, tho you have wanted to maintain a relationship. My oldest stopped a relationship with her ex step dad, she asks nothing of him ever tho. Been like that for about 3yrs now. If she had tried to pull that I would have gone off on her… can’t have it both ways… that just isn’t right…
She’s 13 I wouldn’t take it Personal. Her little mind prolly has millions of things going on it. To you it may seem like she’s reaching out just for the gift to her she might feel like your the only one can count on to get it. Seems like she’s been dealt a rough hand I honestly wouldn’t think too much into it. Kids withhold feelings and emotions too
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I would not feel obligated to buy her a gift I cannot afford. Send her a gift and see then if she wants to have a relationship with you or is she just playing with you
If you “really can’t afford” the gift then it shouldn’t be bought, regardless if she was behaving correctly towards you or not. This would go for your son as well.
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