In short for the first time in 8 years I asked my brother to pick up my son from school. And I got off work at 8pm, pretty much my sons bed time, he didn’t feed him anything because I didn’t give him money to feed him. It’s been a month and I’m still pissed, my brother and his wife have always been cheap, won’t buy birthday gifts or Christmas gifts but will show up eat and leave, I always ignored it but with my daughters birthday, Thanksgiving and Christmas coming up I find myself not wanting to do anything with them unless they are willing to at least bring a $10 or $5 gift even. My kids don’t understand why they are cheap towards them, in the sense of won’t even feed them a effing sandwich the one time my son (9) goes to their house and they won’t get them anything at all for Birthdays or holidays, I am not like that towards my brother, his wife or their kids. Am I an asshole if I say something about it.
Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. Am I being petty?
I’d just cut them off . Too much negativity
Not feeding a child is a problem all in itself.
I can maybe understand the needing money thing if they were going out to eat, but to just not feed them is Ridiculous, never mind the vibe they give.
They’re uncharitable and ridiculous. You have every right to be pissed
I would definitely bring up why tf they didn’t feed your kid anything . The gifts aren’t really an obligation but I understand would be nice
You need to direct your brother and tell him the truth and speak to both of them
Not feeding a child is wrong !! I won’t be furious!!
But I would never Expect anyone to buy my children presents, I can’t imagine un inviting someone over for the holidays because they don’t have a present, Christmas is so much more then gifts , it’s about family , all being together,
Forget the gifts. The fact that he didn’t feed your son at all is abominable, and to turn around and say you didn’t give him money for food is ridiculous. Give him the same food you’re eating at your house. Jesus it’s not rocket science.
Nobody should be that way with a kid. A kid needs to eat. And that is so uncaring. I would never let a child go hungry. That is just so wrong. You are not wrong for feeling like you do towards them.
I wouldn’t care about the gifts but are you telling me he ate in front of your son but refused to share their food with him because you didn’t give him money? What a disgusting human being.
Cut them off. You know how they are and they won’t change. I understand you’re angry especially about not feeding your child but let that anger go. You can’t fix the past, and all it’s doing is eating at you and messing up your life. Take this as a wake up call/life lesson.
Charge 50 per head at thanksgiving and 50 per head at xmas. They will just not come and you can enjoy peace away from toxic ppl.
You always feed a child regradless. We scraped by when my kids were little as childcare cost. But we never let a single child in the house go hungry. No matter how many we had over
I think you’re being petty about the gift situation but I sure as hell would be holding a grudge about the food situation. That alone is enough reason to not partake in his family events. Literally no excuse to not feed a child for approx 4-5 hours.
Why are you even getting together with them? I’ve never understood why people put up with their family’s bullshit because they’re “family”. I would’ve told him off for not feeding my child and then never talked to him again but that’s just how I handle things. Not wasting this life dealing with assholes. Good luck
I would cut them off to be honest. Not feeding a child unless they are paid to do so is ridiculous! Especially for a family member! They may be struggling financially which is why they don’t contribute to gifts throughout the year for holidays or birthdays which is fine to me I would never expect anything from anyone when I know they are struggling but given they won’t feed your child unless you give them money tells me they are straight up selfish. To be honest saying something to them will probably just provoke a lot of excuses, but your not in the wrong at all ! I would just start cutting back because it seems like there just taking advantage. I would not be inviting them to many family events if that were the case.
No. Say something. Say something as respectfully as you can, but lay out some boundaries. If they are that self centered and selfish then stop wasting your time altogether on them.
My brother would find out🤬
Absolutely charge them for food the cheap arseholes… ur poor son… dont feed them ever again without saying to the git… sorry no food for you lot as u didn’t give me any money …
And stick to ur guns
Not feeding a kid is an issue
However, gifts are NOT mandatory and expecting them is gross… you dont know their financial situation.
I’ve always provided my kids with food whenever I visit ppl or have my kids baby sat,I’ve never expected someone else to feed my kids as it’s no one else’s responsibility to feed them but my own
Not feeding a child you agree to watching is deplorable. When my son’s friends are over to play, if it’s a meal time everyone gets fed. Period. Even if it puts me in a little bit of a tough spot and have to buy more food than I typically do. Children get fed
Maybe you might need to have a little chat with your brother. Just explain to him what is expected of him as an uncle. Because it’s gone on for so long and he hasn’t got that expectation in his mind he may need a little reminding. Before they turn up to an event that is with food just tell them to bring a plate to add to the table. Explain to how you felt when you relied on him to look after your son. He should have fed him you’re not wrong full feeling like this since that incident you relied on your brother when you needed him.
Be honest w/ them, and let them know your kids don’t understand why they’re not giving gifts as it’s traditional to give and receive. Also, add when he picks ups your kids that he feed them lunch or dinner so you don’t worry. If they can’t give gifts or a simple lunch that in the future you wont have your kids exposed to selfishness as it also hurts their feelings !
Cut them off. Don’t even say anything. If they can’t figure out why you don’t want them around, then oh well their fault
No. Why would you get them gifts if they don’t get you any?
Now feeding their kids is different but don’t buy them gifts.
You posted this yesterday, seriously? How many answers do you need?
Say something definitely
My view on it is don’t ever expect another person to feed you & your child personally I think expecting them to do so is also rude, always take your own or money with you to get your own things but be thankful for the offer if they do offer anything type of thing it doesn’t matter if mine have been going to visit family members with us or on there own I’ve always made sure that they have money to get our own things or take our own things with us so that family & friends don’t feel put on by us to an I always make extra for others just in case but I don’t expect it whenever we show up somewhere with others knowing most are struggling with there own issues
Treat them they way they Treat you from now on.
Tell them if they wanna be fed they need to give u the money for the food. If they don’t wanna buy gifts then u can’t make them but if he didn’t even feed your child because u didn’t give them money for food then expect the same.
Honestly, if they don’t contribute, don’t invite them. Far as gifts go, they don’t buy for yours, don’t buy for theirs. Leave it at that.
You can’t MAKE people buy gifts. The fact he didn’t feed him anything, that’s totally ridiculous. Maybe you should stop buying them things honestly
So did they eat ! I don’t care if it’s a peanut butter sandwich your child should have been fed and if I found out that they sat Nate in front of my child and didn’t over my child and so it would be on now as far as the gifts an app that’s a whole different thing
Wow! I don’t expect gifts for my children from my siblings ever.
I don’t spect gifts from anyone and I don’t really care if family don’t give us anything., Thank God I taught my kids the same. Material things are nothing compare of being with family . If he and his wife are like that respect them. Tell your kids that not everything is about gifts
It’s simple. Treat them the same way.
Different people have different priorities. Just be aware of it in the future and if you need them to do something for you be prepared to give them money for whatever or just shit them out of your life altogether your choice
I see everyone’s point about not expecting gifts but it sounds like she buys gifts for his family. Stop buying gifts for their family and see how they react to that. Yes, I too would be pissed if they didn’t feed my kid. Brother could have easily said something if he needed money to do so. My question is did his family eat in front of your son because I would assume they would have all ate by 8pm.
Ridiculous!! Poor kid. Even a stranger would’ve got him something to eat. Makes me mad for you. You are NOT being petty.
Tell them you are not doing xmaits their turn and no gifts
They don’t exchange gifts or buy gifts then why are you? That is the only thing I think you’re dwelling on too much. I would NEVER let my niece or nephew (any child in my care actually), go without food. I mean really how much is a box of KD? As for get togethers or such I’d rather much have the presence of my loved ones over items.
Invite them over and eat Christmas dinner and open presents in front of them then make them leave with no dinner and no presents. You only made enough dinner for your family and only had enough money for presents for your children… now that’s petty and warranted because it sounds like they ate in front of your son and that is honestly unforgivable.
Expecting a different result from yr brother and wife is crazy when you already know how they are. It’s sad and hurtful yes. But getting the kid from school was the objective and mission was accomplished. Yes I agree they should have fed yr son. But yr kids know how they are too most likely from hearing you talk.
I don’t get the gift thing cause stuff happens they may not can afford to get gifts for anyone but their kids just saying I’ve been in that situation were I couldn’t afford to buy my nieces and nephew a gift. (I have 5 and will have 6 in December) so I just have them my love but with the food thing yes I’d be pissed about that I mean peanut butter and jelly at least
Just give from the heart an be Genuine or don’t do any thing with those who u feel have wronged you it’s nuthn wrong with separation I don’t like bad energy an confrontation it’s not worth it 9/10
STOP buying them gifts and ask them to bring a dessert to share with all the family if they come for a special occasion
Don’t say a word to them . But no longer buy gifts for them and still don’t say a word . If they say hey “ um you didn’t get us anything “ say “ sorry we’ve just decided to take care of our own from now on “ leave it at that .
Stop buying for their kids as far as not feeding your kid that’s not right I’d definitely be saying something too him.
I wouldn’t stress the gift thing! If you only give gifts to expect them back in return that’s a heart issue. They shouldn’t be expected to give your kids stuff as well, if you are worried about how your kids feel you can buy them extra!
However, them having your children and NOT feeding them is just absolutely wrong and disgusting. It doesn’t matter how cheap you are if you are willing to watch a child or take temporary responsibility that means you meet the needs of that child. I have been struggling at different points and still made it possible to feed the children I’m responsible for!
Do a homemade gift exchange. Put like a $10 limit on it and everyone pull a name
Are you more pissed about the lack of food or the gift giving? Bc if this was my post, it wouldn’t be “should I demand presents” it would be “should I smash his face in for not feeding my kid”
I feel like you lead with the sandwich to get ppl pulled to your side then did a bait and switch and made it about demanding presents
Wtf kind of parent doesn’t feed a child and let’s them basically starve until 8pm at their house ? Did their children eat ? And your child was not offered a place at the table ? This is just baffling to me! Don’t expect gifts, but you should expect your brother to atleast offered your child some bread and water … and not be treated like a fkn animal. Treat him the same now. Don’t treat his kids differently but definitely him.
The idea of gifting is exactly that. Give without expectations and because you want to. Maybe they’re not cheap, just broke.
It’s one thing if they don’t have the money. The present thing wouldn’t bother me as much as not feeding those kids when they are w them. That seems much more of a deeper issue they have w you lol
Just quit giving to them ask everyone to bring a covered dish if coming for a meal
We have a situation like this in our family. On Christmas I take extra presents to my in-laws for my son after the first year that my son came to me upset about how much the other kids got and how little he got. So instead of making a fuss I buy for my son like I do the nice and nephews when we go to the inlaws.
say something… hey it’s a bday… pls buy a thing for the kid or don’t come
The gift thing is whatever. I look at it like my kids have everything they need, they don’t NEED anything. But I also wouldn’t buy gifts for their family either. But not feeding the kid is just wrong. To be honest, they wouldn’t even be invited anymore.
I dont understand this out of any adult, especially family, I had a neighbor that got my daughter off the bus and kept for a hour until I got home from work. She had 3 kids and gave them a snack when they got home, but nothing for my daughter, how can you do a child like this, I just started putting a snack in her back pack for after school until I got home, and these ppl weren’t financially strapped in any way…smh…maybe have something fixed for your child on these late nights, but I’d find someone who could watch my child until I got home, and to hell with your brother, because its obvious he doesn’t care about your child, if he wouldn’t even make it a sandwich
Gift a donation in their name as your Christmas gift to them
The gift thing I wouldn’t demand them to…but the not feeding your kid because you didn’t give money is a bit much…they didn’t have any food to give him…or able to put an effort towards feeding the child and saying you owe them… nothing just not feeding him…nah that would make me boil…some people have financial issues and I get that…so demanding Christmas gifts or they can’t be apart of your holiday celebration is I think petty but the other no…if someone was so cheap they couldnt give my child or buy something or even contact me with the issue of not being able to feed my child that I would be really upset about
The gift thing wouldn’t be a huge issue to me, but my mom raised us to absolutely share food with everyone! It really bothers me that school (in my city) let’s out at 3:30-4 and you got off at 8, so I’m assuming he fed himself and his family dinner and your son had to sit there hungry and watch everyone else eat. That’s so wrong and no adult should be able to watch a child starve
Stop buying them gifts. I’d be saying something about them not feeding your child. That’s some bullshit.
Who cares about gifts but yes could have fed the kid after school .
R u sure he wasn’t offered food or dinner and just didn’t eat
You’re not a wrong, you just realized that your brother and his wife are users. So I suggest you LET GO of his/her past behavior. Moving forward STOP the gift giving without explanation and LET GO of your EXPECTATIONS of them. They’ve shown you who they are so believe them.
Bring a gift or dont come. Bring a dish or dont show
I can see being mad he didn’t feed your child but I wouldn’t stress too much about the gifts. Did they have a meal and let your child starve that night? Personally I would never let a child go hungry and would find something in my kitchen no matter if i was paid or not. I want to go deeper into the notbfeeding your child. I think it has nothing to do with gift giving. He has children too and some people just can’t afford to gift other peoples children. My dad was never able to and no one expected him to. He basically went to functions to eat the food. He never took anything and no one ever cared bc we are family. He never got anyone else’s kids a gift because at least his own kids got a gift. And honestly I don’t remember getting a gift at these Xmas parties and ibwas fine with that bc I had gifts at home from Santa. Like we were adopted by another family Santa. But yes what happened that night he didn’t feed your child, seriously did his own children eat in front of yours? What happened?
Well I wouldn’t invite him over for the birthday I mean most people will bring a gift because it’s the child or person special day why should you have to feed them cake and host them if they’re not even going to try to consider anyting sounds like some ignorant brother you have and not feeding your child I definitely wouldn’t invite him over again
No you have alright fuck him of girl x
I don’t care about gifts but I have a friend she’s a single mom who just gets by and she will feed anyone that comes to her house even her own meal so I don’t understand why your brother just couldn’t have found a dollar Mc n cheese to feed your son its ridiculous to think a grown adult wouldn’t help a child
I say they aren’t obligated to buy your kids gifts if they don’t want for their bdays or other holidays, that’s their decision. With that, you should just explain to your kids that some people just don’t buy others gifts all the time and that’s OK, to not always expect something just because it’s a holiday/bday. That said, the food thing is bad. They should have fed him. There is no excuse to let a kid go to bed hungry if you’re able to feed them. If they have money or food in the house then yes they should have fed them.
Gifts for all occasions is a separate battle. Not feeding your son is the huge issue. My kids, and now grandkids, are hungry after school. Your brother and his family didn’t eat at all that evening? I think they did and that’s upsetting!
The feeding thing is messed up… but the gift thing isn’t something to get mad about… I dont expect my sibs to get my kids things bc you never know they all have their own kids, their own bills and their own calendars.
My daughter is 9 and my younger brothers gave not gotten her anything for birthday, Christmas. I forced one brother to buy me a baby swing for my 21 month old. I still get their kids stuff for holidays . I don’t trip over that but they could of fed your kid a sandwich, I’d be mad af too
It’s not even about gifts. As long as they show up & spend time with them are what matters. I wish my kids had family who would do this for them but they have their father & I so their more than blessed as for feeding him,that’s just common sense. Kids need to eat. If your brother isn’t willing to give him food then he shouldn’t be watching him. Although you could pack a sandwich or something to take with. That way you save money & don’t have to worry about whether he’s being fed or not.
And what you’re gonna do now is freak the freak out:sparkles:
Personally……He wouldn’t be invited to birthdays or eating events. Blows my mind that he couldn’t even give the kid a morsel of food……he doesn’t deserve anything from you.
No definitely say something. I have a sister who is just like this (except the not feeding thing). She has always showed up to birthday parties and Christmas etc. promising my kids when I get paid I’m going to get you this amazing gift but never did it. I finally did call her out because it hurt my children. They just didn’t understand why she would lie to them. I finally had to stop inviting her. Not because of the gift thing but because she would show up with nothing but her family and eat and make a big mess not watch her children then load up big to go plates and leave. I felt very taken advantage of. Sounds mean but you have to set clear boundaries with your family also.
You need to say it, but how you say it defines whether or not you are an Ass. Really consider how you want to do this, but do it.
I mean you don’t get to decide what anyone does or doesn’t do with their money. I just mean that when it comes to gifts. Teach your children to never expect a gift from anyone. Gifts are wonderful but NOT expected. Just don’t invite them to the birthday party. Now as for the food I would address it, that’s not petty, that’s concern. Your kids don’t need a $5 gift from them and you need to explain that to them. Celebrations are about everyone’s presence not presents!
I understand the gift part. Some people can’t afford them and some don’t believe in the tradition of it all. Holidays aren’t about gifts but the people you’re sharing time with.
As for not feeding the kid, that’s a big hell no for me. I grew up in a family that fed all kids, even the ones that weren’t ours. Neighborhood kids would come over for a meal ALL the time because they knew my mama would always cook for them. So I guess I can’t see that because of how I grew up. We didn’t have a lot but we made do with what we had and made it stretch to feed all who needed it. Kids first, always. A sandwich, chips, apple, anything besides nothing…
No…i wouldnt buy them anything or feed them either…
Gifts I feel like should be a option. I think it’s more important to show up for loved ones vs getting gifts. I don’t really get gifts or buy others xmas presents because I have 4 kids myself. Some ppl can’t afford to do all that. But I do understand getting upset about not feeding your kid. That’s weird
While they aren’t obligated to buy any sort of gifts, dedicating their time to spending time with the kids would be more sufficient then buying toys or gifts. Children remember who spend some more time with them not what toys were bought for them. As for the not feeding your son part, that would make me livid. It was their responsibility to make sure that your child had something to eat and to deny your child anything because he is cheap is not right. Now if you’re worried about Thanksgiving, birthdays, Christmas, whatever holiday coming up, try to ask everyone to bring one different kinda of food and if your brother and his wife don’t want to pitch in then they are more than welcome to not come
I wouldn’t be as offended by the Christmas gifts because sometimes people just don’t have it like that and their own family should come first. HOWEVER — I would offer an animal and a random stranger food so there is 0 excuse to not feed the child. Food and Christmas gifts are not in the same category. Did they eat in front of him? I doubt they waited until he left to eat. Reevaluate your relationship because that is am absolute NO NO. I was at the store the other day and there were two children in front of me who didn’t have enough money to purchase their snack item. I checked to see if I had enough on me and bought it for them. I’m not saying everyone ha extra money to do so – but I am saying that your brother is an AS+HOLE. RESPECTFULLY…
You seem childish. Not Gifting & not feeding are 2 seperate things. I hope you express how you feel to them… Your still upset a month later Move on
Pushing gifts is disgusting to do, and not a very good lesson for the kids. Just bitch him out for not feeding the kid like a normal person geeze.
The food part is ridiculous the child should of been fed.
But no one has to buy your child gifts. Or anyone gifts for that matter if they wanna buy gifts great but they are not obligated too.
The food part I get why you are upset… But the gift thing you’re wrong on. No-one is obligated to buy gifts, some may not have the money or other reasons. I teach my kids that gifts are not what’s important. I’d much rather someone come and spend the time with us and celebrate than not show bc they can’t get a gift. That teaches entitlement and I’m sorry, but this world is anything but fair and kids should be taught that or they’re in for a very rude awakening when they get older. One of our family members doesn’t buy for mine or any other kid’s, but I buy for theirs because I WANT to and I have the means to do so.
Why are you even buying your brother or his family gifts you don’t need to. PLUS no one has to BUY your kids gifts. If you know you child isn’t feed then pack him an extra lunch for when he gets picked up. LASTLY treat his kids like he treats YOURS…“you get what you give”
Not feed your child is a big issue. They could of cook something for him. I’d be pissed. When it comes to gifts maybe they just don’t have the money. I’d let that go but it’s ok to limit how much you spend on there kids if you want but do know it’s about the kids. They will remember there aunt.
For family holidays. Almost everybody comes to eat. Most people go to birthday “party’s” or gathering for cake. do you expect them to pay you for their meal?
And I will add that gifts shouldn’t be -expected- for any occasion holiday/ birthday what ever. And you need to teach your kids that. Now if they are coming to your house to “visit” or just stopping by and eating to leave right away, then yea I’d say something but a gift should not be required. I might put a max amount of money on gifts for them and maybe just get the kids clothes or books they like instead of toys but I’d still get them something. Maybe not for every occasion though.
Now the part of him not feeding your child cause you didn’t give him money- that’s not acceptable. Either he has no food in his home to give your kid- which means he’s struggling to feed his own kids and I would suggest talking to him about going to a food pantry or applying for foodshare to help out. OR he wanted you to pay for fast food for him and your son. While I dont agree with him just not feeding him, maybe next time if that ever happens again -pick a few snacks in his bag for him before school, or tell your brother you will give him $10 or w.e when you pick our son up. As payment for getting him for you. But only if he’s fed also. The child can’t/shouldnt go 8+ hours without eating anything since lunch.
I don’t agree with him not feeding him. But maybe the financial situations don’t allow money for lavish gifts, holidays shouldn’t be about that. Maybe have a sit down and talk to them… maybe try doing a secret Santa so everyone can be included without multiple gifts.
U don’t deny anyone food!!! Let alone a child!!! Gifts are optional!!!
Personally I don’t expect family to buy my kids gifts, as long as they just come to the event I’m happy and my kids never expect anything from anyone 🤷🏽♀
I mean… they could have fed the children but the gift thing I understand not doing. I have always felt my presence meant more than a present personally.
The gift thing doesn’t bother me. I get my nieces & nephews something for Christmas regardless if my brother or any of the baby mama’s (4…yeah) get my kids anything. I love them. Now as for not feeding your son that’s fucked up and I’d raise Hell over it. Personally I’d get petty by inviting the kids but not the parents. I feed any kid in my care, mine or not
I feel like there just needs to be a discussion about the gifts. If they chose to not do gifts, that’s fine, but then I think it should be across the board…as in you don’t buy anything either. I feel the food is another issue, but again, I’d have a conversation about it.