Am I being selfish?

I’m currently pregnant, 17weeks and 6 days. I have two children from a previous relationship; My children are 4 and 3. I was talking with my mother the other day and I’m considering not having a baby shower this pregnancy, I figured people are probably tired of me having baby showers by now. But my mom says that it’d be selfish of me because it’s my boyfriends first child and I would be taking that experience away from him and his side of the family. I talked to him about it and he just flat out said that a baby shower honestly hasn’t even crossed his mind, he doesn’t mind if we have one or not. I mean I get where he’s coming from we are financially stable enough to buy everything we need for our new addition. But I don’t wanna be selfish or anything of the sort to especially his mom because my boyfriend is her only child and this is her first grandchild. I think I just need some more input other than my mother’s considering both of us don’t really care if we do or don’t have one… TIA(:

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Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. Am I being selfish?

Ask his mom how she feels about it. :blue_heart:

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You could ask his mom how she feels if you’re not comfortable with a full baby shower you could have what is called a baby sprinkle… it’s much more low-key it’s more of a celebration that there’s a baby rather than a full-out baby shower and people can bring gifts if they want but are obligated to

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Maybe just have a very small gathering like your parents and his parents any brothers or sisters and just leave it very small, and just call it a family dinner instead of a baby shower.
At least then if somebody wants to gift you something they can bring it then and you can take a couple of pictures and at least have a memory for that child to look back on in the future.

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Honestly, I would probably ask his family about it, especially his mom. She may be already thinking of throwing a shower for you. If it’s important to them you can do one for that side of the family so they all feel involved.

Ask his family what they would like?

It’s not about buying stuff. It’s about celebrating you and your new baby. Have a diaper party.

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Talk with his mom about it. Get her input. 🤷

If his mom would like you to have a shower then maybe she can arrange it. Just an idea.

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U could do a sprinkle

I would do.the shower … I was rhia way with my son … I felt like no one wanted to be their and buy me more stuff just bc I was having another baby … I ended up calbing my daughters 1st bday and his baby shower together to make it easier on everyone…
But I will say in the end I’m glad to of have that shower for him …

Have a baby shower .
Tbh it’s a celebration of a new baby .

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You could do a diaper and wipe party. It’s pretty much like a diaper shower but people just bring diapers and wipes. That way they still get the experience, have fun and celebrate, and you can never get too many diapers lol

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I say let them throw whatever they want to throw and just attend.

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So when I was having children back in the day…we had a baby shower, given by someone other than the sister and mothers or Mother-in-laws, for the first and second child only. Only the ladies, sometimes with their children, attended. Never the men. People kept what they received until they were finished with having children, then had a garage sale or gave it to the next on in line. Nowadays people sell everything and start from scratch for each child. Also we had cake, punch, mints and nuts, not fingerfood, dinners,etc. We didn’t have gender reveals, we kept paper receipts so the gift could be returned. Homemade blankets in Yellow, green and white items were the colors we would give because we left it up to the big surprise when the baby arrived. Yes…I am old now! Yes…I guess we were more thrifty back then.

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There is an easy solution to the problem. I would have a Jack N’ Jill. That way no one feels left out.

Just a family celebration is what we did, we pretty much were able to get most what we needed for our second we didn’t feel a former shower was necessary. We had a family dinner with both sets grandparents, etc about 6 weeks after baby was born. I didn’t want anyone coming over lol

Maybe just have something at home with his family instead do a buffet dinner etc xx

I’m pregnant with my 3rd. We are having a shower but it’s for men and women, going to be more like a get together to celebrate the baby but not the typical fu-fu girls only type thing. I created an Amazon list of gift ideas if anyone wants to purchase something it’s an easy process.

I always say every baby deserves to be celebrated (a shower)
But in the end it’s your child so do whatever you and your bf are most comfortable with

Yep I agree with what people are saying, if he’s got a close relationship with his mom or has sisters I would see if they want to experience a baby sprinkle. I’ve always been an advocate for each baby deserves a shower to celebrate them coming into the world. Doesn’t always have to be about gifts. To me it’s more than that :heart:

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don’t let your mum try to make you feel guilty and selfish so you do it. that’s not ok. i think you should ask him what he thinks about it, he might not want to do it too. and if he does then at least you’ve had a conversation with him about it, your mum shouldn’t be guilty tripping you.

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Why should this child not be celebrated like your others? Dont register for high dollar products if you dont want to. Tell your guests gifts arent expected, etc. But have a party to celebrate the baby.

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I would recommend having a small get together :heart: :relaxed: with each other. and maybe some close friends . It doesn’t hurt if people are there for you and willing to help.

How about a diaper party? People will generally buy other items, but that way it’s focused more on welcoming a new baby.

If you do, just ask his family and your mom

I’d honestly ask her input and suggest if she wanted to throw it for you!

Have a “sprinkle”. It doesn’t have to be anything huge, just a small get together to celebrate.

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I would ask his mom about it. I have a 5 year old boy and he will probably be my only child, I don’t know if I can have anymore due to some health reasons. When he gets older and if he has a family of his own I would want to participate in stuff like that and not miss out. Just my opinion. Good luck :smiling_face_with_three_hearts:

What’s more fun then celebrating a new baby, I would ask his mother what she thinks

Ask his mum to host it for you It’ll make her feel special

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You should have a baby shower

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Men don’t usually think of that stuff anyway, I would have one if it was me because it’s his first born .

Have the shower especially since this is her first grandchild and his first child

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Just a do a small one for your family or his

Perhaps just have a small baby shower inviting more of your bf side of the family this time. Including the ones you are closest with on your side which will buy the baby a present anyways.

Not selfish at all! Every baby deserves to be celebrated :white_heart:

With my first I had a baby shower I was more of a gender reveal and my second was my daughter we did a baby shower like a butterfly theme in 2019 and my third I didn’t have a baby shower I’m having my fourth and we’re not having a baby shower all I did that people that wanna get me stuff I just asked for diapers and wipes I basically still have everything honestly it’s up to you

Men don’t usually care about things like that. As his mother lol

Have a baby shower
it’s a celebration :blue_heart::sparkling_heart:

Maybe just a small shower for his side? Your baby daddy does not care but I bet his Momma does. Future GrandMom deserves a chance if its the first granbaby. As a new Grandmother myself it is a important milestone.

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just do somthing small and simple. bbq and have few ppl over

I had two children from a previous marriage, and then had one with my current husband and had a shower. His family would probably love for you to have one so they could participate.

Have a baby sprinkle/diaper party. That way if a gift is brought it’s diapers.

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Personally, unless the baby is a different gender than any of your first two children, I wouldn’t have a shower. I gave birth to my third boy not that long ago and everyone was insistent on me having a shower and I said absolutely not. There was nothing I needed. Instead they gave me a gift certificate for Botox since I couldn’t get that while I was pregnant. :joy::joy::joy: people that are going to give you a gift to celebrate your baby will do so regardless of whether or not you have an actual shower.
I would ask your boyfriend. Not his mom. And see what his thoughts are. My opinion is that’s his side of the family for him to decide whether it’s important to them as a whole or not. If it is I would reconsider whether or not having one.

Talk to his side as well and see if they want to have one, you aren’t a mind reader the only way to know is to ask

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I think you should have one ….every baby should be celebrated. :sparkling_heart:

Could you do something like a meet and greet? Typically people still bring baby items, or have a diaper party!
Then it’s not the “same” but the child is still celebrated, bf gets the experience (and his family) and baby gets to meet everyone :blue_heart:

Just do one for his close side of family and only tell your mom and or siblings

Maybe have a baby sprinkle? It’s a shower but not as big , and focus more on his side of the family to be invited. That way they get the experience, and it’s not so big so you don’t get an overwhelming amount of stuff. Kind of a compromise.

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Baby showers these days are over rated. Do what pleases yourself and partner, and not what pleases anyone else.

Id just have a family bbq. Play some games. Less stressful.

I did a gender reveal and a baby shower, I’ll do it with all my kids. It’s a fun experience and if other people get sick or tired of it they don’t have to come. Anyone that didn’t wanna be involved doesn’t have to. For me it was a great way to see those that cared and those that didn’t

Are you close with his mom? Has she expressed any interest? In the end it’s your baby so you have the final say. My mother is a narcissistic so I have learned to put very little stock into her opinions :woman_shrugging:t2:

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Idk are you comfortable telling the youngest only they didn’t matter enough to have one? They can just have all the handmedowns and be shoved in the closet. Who needs to celebrate the last baby? Fuck that baby right?

His family can very easily have a diaper party if it’s that important

I have 2 kids who have different dads. Idk how your relationship was with your previous but in my situation it went from being in a bad place with a person who was bad for me and ruined all of those experiences and I look back and think “wow he was so horrible to me during these critical moments” to now being with someone supportive and caring and who made my pregnancy and post partum amazing experiences.

So while a shower is just a shower it just feels good to experience that when you’re in a good place. It feels good to celebrate your baby with your loved ones. Do something small but I do agree that this is his first child and let’s celebrate that and experience it together I think you’ll end up being glad you did

Maybe do a shower with just his side of the family?
That way the experience is had for them, and you could end up with some cool stuff lol

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Baby showers are a celebration of life. If anyone around you is tired of them then they ain’t that good of a friend. Put no gifts please if you feel people will really be so shallow to think you’d be having one for gifts instead of to celebrate a new life xx

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Talk to the people who you think it will matter to.

You could have what’s called a baby “Sprinkle”! A small shower!

Do diapers and dads for him!!! You don’t have to have a baby shower just a bunch of guys hanging and they all bring a pack of diapers my cousin did it and it was cool

I know my daughter and all of her friends and everyone else I know only have a baby shower for the first born. It makes sense that your mother-in-law wants to have a baby shower because it’s her first grandchild. Why don’t you tell her she can do one for family only ? I’ve noticed times have changed in the last 10 years or so. I’ve never known anyone to have a baby shower for themselves. It is always a surprise and from a friend or family member. If your mother-in-law wanted to hold a shower that is very nice of her.

Have one as this is his mom’s first grand baby!

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Tbh have him do a diaper & wipe cook out with his family if anything! That way you guys get diapers and wipes stocked up!

Speak to his Mom, some families don’t believe in baby showers, get her input.

Talk with his Mom & see why her thoughts are. Maybe just have one for HIS side of the family/friends.

If I were you I’ll have the shower especially since this is her first grandchild and his first child. Perhaps something small and simple.

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it’s your choice at the end of the day & if you don’t feel the need for a baby shower this time round then you aren’t obligated to have one. However, if you want to consider the feelings of everyone then just ask around. Talk with his side of the family & yours. If lots of people want it, & you wanna appease them, then go ahead

A Sprinkle Shower! Give his family and him the chance to celebrate and experience a shower. :purple_heart::white_heart:

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Ask his mom if it’s important to her?

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Do a bbq. So there’s a celebration but not as much pressure on others to bring anything since you have had two recently. Each should be celebrated but doesn’t mean you have to do a formal shower

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Have a sprinkle! And invite most of his side of the family

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Maybe try talking to his mum see her thoughts on it and where it sits with her? 🤷

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Every mom deserves to get to celebrate her new baby. Now matter how many children have had before.

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I’ve had baby showers for both my kids :woman_shrugging:t4:

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Have a shower with his people and a little bit of yours.

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Ask his mother how she feels. I’m sure she would be elated to help plan one and have that experience

Just have a small shower for his side of the family. His mother would probably like to help

I would definitely have a baby shower. This is his 1st child and possibly the 1st grandchild and neice or nephew. Every baby deserves to be celebrated.

Why not just have a diaper party. People bring a box of diapers, some people will still bring gifts too. That way you can still celebrate. Each baby should be celebrated no matter what. Maybe do a little cookout with it too. Best of luck and congratulations!

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Not selfish. Talk to his family and see if they’re concerned about it. If not, have a “welcome baby” party after baby is born and you’re ready (if that matters to them).

Do a welcome baby party and just tell everyone gifts are optional. :woman_shrugging:

I thought showers were given by close friends of recipients not the recipient. That would sound like a money grubber!

Ask his mom. She may want to host it and her side of the family and your parents could come if they wanted. Allow his family to have it how they would like for them. How I would do it.

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i say have a shower as your partners family needs to experience the joy of there first grandchild.

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Just do a small one with his family and instead having gives for the baby see if they are willing to donate to a children hospital

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Gurl go talk to Your in-laws. Nobody know how they feel except for them.

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I had one thrown for me(by a friend) for my 3rd baby, my boyfriends first. (My first two were 10 and 8 when I had her. They are 23 months apart) all girls. (I had one thrown for my first baby also by my ex in laws)…I now have 4 kids. I did not have a shower for her (4th girl. My 3rd and 4th are 3yrs and 2 days apart) I say celebrate. It doesn’t have to be a gift shower.

I would definitely do something! Mainly because this is your first child together. Maybe do one with both you and daddy there?

Have a shower with his side of the family. Congratulations

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If his family is really worried about you having one then they can throw you one. If you don’t wanna hassle with it then don’t. Let his family have one for you that includes mostly his side, maybe your immediate family members. They can buy the baby gifts without you having a shower if you really don’t want one.
I just had my 3rd daughter and I kinda felt the same. It’s my husbands first. I didn’t really wanna have a shower because it’s my 3rd one but my mom had convinced me because of the age difference in my kids. My oldest daughter is 25, I have a 13 yr old daughter and a 7 month old daughter. We had an open house, after the baby was born, so everyone could meet her (most of my husbands family is out of of town so they drove up for it). It was nice. We had some refreshments and everyone got to meet the baby but without a big baby shower.

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My nephew and his wife just had their second baby and didn’t have a shower, they just made a registry on Amazon and said if people wanted to buy things for them they could but wasn’t obligated to do so. It’s really up to you and your boyfriend. It’s not about everyone else, it’s what you two want to do. What’s selfish is other people trying to make you think you’re taking something away from an experience that’s not even about THEM.

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I’ve had 3 children and had a baby shower for each of them. Given what the past two years has been I think it would give your family something to look forward to. It’s not just about gifts (you could even just do a bbq/potluck) and say gifts are optional.

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He might not care but his mom might. Not that it matters. I had two kids from a previous marriage. My now husband and I had a baby shower for our first baby together. His family threw it.

have the welcome baby party, It’s not selfish to be happy about another life being brought in to the family.

Men do not care about baby showers

And if you don’t want one that doesn’t make you selfish

Just the opposite really
You know you already have what you need.

Make a registry and put on new things baby needs. And let people help that way.

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I would have one, even if it’s just his side of the family. It would be nice to give them the opportunity.

Have a shower and a note that reads , gifts are optional that their presence is gift enough.

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