Am I being to hard with my 16 yrs old son?

He can’t work 40 hours per week, nor should he. He shouldn’t work more than 20 hrs per week, max, except during school holidays. He’s doing far too much.

Does he need a car? I’m sure he wants one, but it’s not a necessity.

I understand paying for his phone and putting gas in your car when he drives it, but that’s it.

Not everyone gets their own room. It’s not ideal, but it’s only for 2 years. Does the new house have a basement? Maybe you could arrange something there.

I don’t believe that parents must provide each child with their own room. Pairing a 16 year old with a 7 year old is awkward, however. Each has drastically different needs and sleep schedule.

Acknowledge the hardship. Empathize with him. But explain that you can’t afford anything else. Meanwhile, consider side hustles or living in a less expensive area. You have four children who won’t be able to put themselves through college. It’s time to look at the family budget very carefully.

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He is 16, working 40 hours a week and going to school. Why the heck are you letting him give you $150 a week? Send it back to his bank account. As for the room thing where would the 7 year old go? Seems you are all about the money.

Let me say again…he is 16

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You realize your 16 year old is still a child right ?

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Let the kid have his own room for rent free!! He’s 16 he needs the privacy. Let him save up for a car so then u can quit being his taxi driver. I would NEVER charge my children rent for a room. :face_with_symbols_over_mouth:

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First off, quit taking the $150 from him. That is his money that he works hard for. Also, why would you charge him rent for a room, he is 16. It is not the childs fault if you can’t afford rent. He deserves his own room at 16 years old. YTA.

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Ok im not going to read it though - after reading he wanted his own room and you his parent at age 16 really idk if my parent say and they never did I lived with my mom and dad around 30 but being that mean at a 16 year just no no , if you really want to help a 16 year why not just put the “rent money” into a bank where he can not spend until 18 that way he has enough for a down payment and couple months of rent when he gets 18, im not get into it with anyone on here, that just so mess up - you and only are his mom , he should have a place call his home whenever he’s falls down just be there for him , I just can’t know how many people tells their kids to pay rent - I’m so bless I had very great parents and not someone like you, just no

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You are wrong. Do you realize what a good & responsible son you have? It’s not many 16 yr old boys that would insist on paying you the $150 & you should be proud of him. If there’s no other way, give him & his little brother the largest room & fix up a divider between them. You’ve done a good job teaching responsibility to him but you don’t need to overdo it when he’s only 16.

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There are really two ways a person can feel about this. I don’t really see much wrong with it being that he already gives up 600. Only in America do people feel this privileged. In other countries you’re a full blown adult at 16 and they wonder why our youth are so far behind :man_shrugging:t5:

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You do alll this stuff for him run him around to alll these places soo you obviously don’t work yourself and expect your son to work his ass off to help pay rent for his own room?? Get a job and support your child :exploding_head:

Wtf did I just read….this is so wrong on so many levels! Poor child!

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I think there is nothing wrong with teaching financial responsibility but he is already paying $600 a month voluntarily why not count that as his room and board? As far as him struggling in school have you ever considered he may have a learning disability such as dyslexia? I myself found out I sm dyslexic at 32 which explained my struggles in school. You also sound like you hate the idea of trade school which is far cheaper than a 4 year college and he will end up with skills that will guarantee a job unlike many 4 year degrees where you can end up with hundreds of thousands of dollars in debt.

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I would not charge my high school child rent! Your job is to take care of him until he’s an adult

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YOU and your husband should be working more hours or get a better paying job to be able to house ALL your kids in a proper way. Our job as parents is to give our best to our children without making them struggle. WTF is wrong with you??

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One he’s in highschool . He should not be working 40hrs and you charging him rent just cause he wants his own room the he’ll is wrong with you???

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Wow you as a mother are completely in the wrong I could never make my child pay rent at 16 . I think u need to seek some parenting classes not advice from face book !

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I stopped reading when you said you want your son to pay😢 he sounds like an awesome kid… I wanted an ac and carpet in my room, I worked to pay for those luxury items…this just isn’t right…

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Make your high school child pay rent? Are you serious? It’s not his job to pay rent.

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I think you should give him all his money back

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So you just using your own son for his money apparently if he does move out who’s going take care of you just think about every comment that support the boy then you

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Id move out of cali lol no way you can have a whoke house for $1200 a month and you own it

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I couldn’t even finish it - this was pissing me off too much.

He already gives you money so why make him give you more? You’re sorry!

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Wow I would never charge my underage child to pay me you are his fkn mom for God’s sake

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Hold the fuck on… you’re making your child pay rent just bc he requested his own room ., did I read that right !

I could barely understand half of this but $400 rent? My grown sister lives with me for half that. Its ONE room. And how are you all living in a 2 bedroom house now? Don’t have more kids than you can afford especially if you can’t house them.

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Oh no! Not trade school! No student debt AND a good paying job?! The horror!.. He probably doesn’t want to go to college because he knows he’d be paying for it himself while paying you rent on top of everything else…

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Sounds like you need to be putting that weekly $150 in a seperate account for him… gift it to him… “Here you go son, we didn’t want to give you any privacy (even though you’re 16 and clearly responsible) without extra payment so we kept your money to help you get away from us!” Seriously… give that boy his money so he can leave.

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This post breaks my heart. You should be ashamed of yourselves!

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No that is too much for a 16 to pay hes still legally a child. Maybe if he is 18 and living with u but that is ridiculous. He is already giving u 150 on his own and paying for his own phone. Maybe try moving somewhere cheaper because that is ridiculous to ask that of him when he only gets 40 hrs a week and goes to school. Most 16s dont even have a job u should feel bless he wants to do so

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California law says Only two siblings can share a room. At least when I just googled it thats what came up. With that being said some states also have laws stating that once children hit a certain age they can no longer share a room with the opposite sex so putting your 7 yr old boy in with almost teen girls is probably a no go.

Sounds like you should be working the overtime not your 16yr old son to afford a house big enough for your children. I am curious where they all sleep now since you have 4 kids and a 2 bedroom home?

Why does he give you $150 a week? He shouldn’t be doing that and even of he offered as the PARENT you should decline the money.

And to answer your question yes your wrong.

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This has to be a troll post!
This whole post made me furious! He is already working full time on top of school paying his own phone and giving you money to help out. You still want him to pay rent to have privacy!

If this post is real you suck as a parent!

FYI trade school/ apprenticeship is just as good a college! Tradesmen make more than many people with a degree and have less debt!

You already take SIX HUNDRED DOLLARS a month from him!
Jesus Cristo lady. You and your husband got some nerve lady.

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This post boils my blood! Seems like your money hungry

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Oh…and quit taking the money he’s graciously offering you. He’s a KID.

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Wow really. Hes a kid. Has a job and you wanna make him pay 400 a month to have a bedroom? That is so messed up. I could see helping with certain things but he’s 16 not 20 still living at home. He’s also at that age of needing a room to himself

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I’m going to make this very simple. YES, YOU’RE WRONG.
This is one of the most disgusting things I’ve read. To make him START to be responsible is one thing, I could totally see that. What you’re asking is completely asinine!! AND you still expect him to have good grades with all that stress? Good luck with that.

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That’s a CHILD.

He has been willingly giving you $150/wk which is more per month than you’re asking for, for the room. Let that baby be 16. It’s your duty to provide a home for him. He doesn’t owe you shit. My heart aches for this boy.

You should not charge him rent! He is 16, and what he works for is his money…

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Wow maybe you and your husband should find second jobs. He should be focusing on school! I couldn’t even read the rest of this…

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I think it’s gross you’re charging a CHILD to live under a roof you are legally obligated to provide. I also think it’s gross you’re attempting to find validation for this mentality with things like “I drive him to work and to his friend’s house without asking for gas”… do you want a cookie or something?

From an ethical standpoint, I would never want to be the person that makes my child’s life harder, or the reason why they feel they need to move out as soon as they possibility can.

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Wow… I feel bad for your kids. You need help. You shouldn’t be asking for a dime from your child. I think he should help pay for his car and insurance. No 16 year old should pay their parent a weekly fee! I also think you need to put your foot down and have him work less so he can enjoy being a teenager and get better grades. It’s not his job to pay your bills even if it’s for his own room. It’s your job to afford the house you live in regardless of what state it is in. Praying for you and your husband to be less selfish. You are emotionally abusing him by this behavior. I truly hope you read all of these comments and really wake up and change your selfish ways.

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Don’t move in a house that you can’t afford. It’s not his responsibility to pay your bills regardless of how much they are.

He’s definitely right why should he at 16 nd yes he deserves privacy just as much as u feel your 13 child should nd if he gives u 150 a week already that’s over 400 on his own u should be awarding him

I think asking him to pay rent is a little much. It’s sweet that he wants to contribute 150 a week but that’s too much as well in my opinion. My oldest is 19, paid for his truck, pays his insurance and tags. We don’t ask him for anything but occasionally he will buy groceries or surprise us with dinner or milkshakes. He’s got his whole life to pay bills. Why not ease him into it and put what he pays you up as well and surprise him with it when it’s time for him to buy a home or buy a diamond for his future wife.

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Ooofff. Wtf did I just read? He’s paying you rent already? Also works 40 hours a week and goes to school yet you still want him doing super extra around the house what are the other kids doing when that young man is actually busting bawls?
Smfh. Also since you’re getting a 3 bed room does that mean if he pays you rent the 7 year old gets stuck with the girls? This whole post is just messed up imo.

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I do not agree with you at all. He is still a child and working very hard. And there’s no way i would charge my kid for a room. Shame on you.

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I just can’t even with this post! My daughter will be 16 in a couple of months & about to start her 2nd job (1st job closed down completely) but she knows that the money she makes is hers, she has clearly worked for & earned them pay checks! I am responsible for my childs housing, food, clothing, schooling & so on! I just can’t fathom anyone charging their MINOR child/ren rent for a bedroom or anything else! The poor boy is already handing over $150 weekly that I bet isn’t being put into an account for him, plus his own phone bill, school & working a full time job! You’re definitely in the wrong on this!

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I thought we were rough on our boys having them work 25 to 30 hrs a week , having them buy their own cars with cash with no help paying insurance , repairs , gas and tags and for their cell phone then I read your situation and was dumb founded . Personally I think that’s too much . We don’t charge rent as long as they are in school and they are now 25 (lives on his own, 22,22,20 . I completely understand his want for his own room that’s a pretty big age difference to be sharing a room . We had one move out then back 9 months later and his brother and twin was like no this is my room now so that discussion was like this is our house he is your brother and you don’t get a choice on sharing but we did try to accommodate by separating the room as best as possible by using those folding wall panels. It worked ok.

He’s already paying for his room. $150.00 a week pays more than 400 a month. I would never make my kids pay for their room. You had them. That’s your job

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You said having a room is a privilege? Well living in California where the bills are so high is also a privilege. You choose that kind of life and you want to put your child through hell? Maybe you should consider to move somewhere where it is affordable for you and your family. Or you should close your legs!!!

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Him having some responsibility is great… but, this… this is ridiculous! My daughter is gonna be 19, she pays her cell phone, and car insurance and any other “extras” she WANTS (not basic needs) and she does not pay ONE DIME to live in my house because she’s still in school!

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I mean, my dad was pretty unreasonable about things, but at least he wasn’t charging me rent for daring to show my own initiative unreasonable. He at least made me wait until I was 18 before letting me drown myself in debt. Did you just not realize that there was a pretty hard and fast societal minimum about your personal responsibility as a parent and that you’re not legally allowed to be done with this one yet?

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EW! Literally the mom I’ll never be, sounds greedy af!

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This isn’t a random roommate, it’s your son. :woman_facepalming:t2:
He’s already handing you $600 a month on his own.
You should be putting that in a savings account for him. It’s your job to take care of them not them take care of you.

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Use the $150 weekly to pay for his room

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Your son doesn’t owe you anything. You are using him.

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Yes you’re wrong. I would never.

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FYI you get $600 a month from him already and he pays for his own cellphone. You do the math.
Also Cali isn’t that much, lime everywhere just depends where you live
I hear that all the time and believe only those that never traveled or just hear something a few times and take it as fact. Yes I’ve lived in CA, three different cities.

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150$ a week you say he gives you alone ok… 150$x4 weeks (monthly) that’s 600$ homegirl you want 400$ for rent a month then YOU OWE HIM. Shit.

Kids should not be paying their parents rent or anything else that is a necessity like that. Over 18 is different but he’s 16. No way. It’s your job as his parent to provide for him until at least 18.

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I raised 4 children and I never charged them rent.plus you say he volunteers 150 a week in cash.And you want more money.Does the house have a garage maybe turn that in to a room for him.Sounds like you have a pretty good kid but if you keep treating him like he is a tenant , you may grow old alone.Hope you and your husband grow up before your son does.Your always going to pick up after your kids that’s part of being a parent.

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I hope he really makes something of his life and becomes so financally independant that he leaves u fools behind, how disturbing you would charge ur own CHILD to live in the family home. Pure greed u should b leading by example and busting ur ass not the other way around

If he is already paying you $150 a week…. Without being asked to. How dare you ask that baby to pay you his hard earned money on top of that, for RENT to live with his PARENTS! It is 100% your responsibility to keep a roof over his head. That is not teaching him responsibility that is mouching off your child. It is not his job. He is doing more than enough for himself, some adults can’t even pay their own bills and he’s doing it! You should be ashamed. As for the rooms, he’s oldest he should get the room alone if it’s possible end of story. He is very responsible if you ask me and I would be thanking the lord that he is doing so well at his age.

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I would consider relocating to a place where you can afford to properly house all of your children. They didn’t ask to be born, you know. That kid deserves some peace and personal space. Sounds like his life will likely get easier when he moves out.
Best of luck in trade school, kid! College is mostly a joke at this point anyways so hopefully you pick something you also enjoy! Sending this overworked kid all the good energy! Be blessed, my guy! :purple_heart:

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First of all, I agree with everyone in this comment section.
SECOND of all… “ONLY trade school”??? Looks like you as an adult need to do more research on that. People who go to trade school can make A LOT of money!!! You should be encouraging him and be proud of him for what he wants to do after high school! You mentioned he doesn’t like school… then trade school is the perfect opportunity for him with great benefits in the end. He will learn how to do what he wants to do. We need to stop normalizing that college is the ONLY way to go. I personally hate a classroom setting and that’s ok bc not everyone learns the same. So if he doesn’t care for school and only scoots by right now bc he doesn’t like it then absolutely, he is right and knows what is best for him. Listen to him…seems you could learn a lot from your child on how to be an adult

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I can’t imagine making my child pay for shit Im supposed to provide for them.
I cant imagine throwing up in my face all the shit i do for them… knowing that I’m a mom and thats my job.

Ya fucking disgusting :100:

“We feed him”
Like your doing him a favor?
He is your child!

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I’m gonna be the odd duck…I agree to pay for but it should be saved up for him in a secret account so one day you can give it back. But for now teach him responsibility there’s to many disrespectful ass kids in this world to not teach them how to be responsible!:heart:

There are so many things that bother me when reading this post.

1- He’s 16. He’s technically still a child. He goes to school, high school at that….full time.
2- He works a full time job that he legally doesn’t even have to start doing at all just yet.
3- There is absolutely nothing wrong with a trade school versus college. College is very very expensive and honestly these days you can get a job somewhere will little to no experience making just as much as someone who took 4 years of college and is in thousands of dollars of debt from student loans.
4- Why do you even allow him to pay you $150 at all? You say there is no reasoning but he’s not going to just willingly hand over a good portion of his check for no reason.
5- I could see if he was graduated and still planned living with you for awhile and you got a bigger home and he paid for his room. But for him to be paying to live in your house while he’s still legally your responsibility is just wrong.
6- You’re acting like you’re doing him a huge favor by taking him to school or to a friends house ect…. I hate to break it to you but that’s your responsibility as a parent. Legally until he’s 18.
7- As far as a car of his own goes….instead of worrying about him giving you gas money to take him to a friends or paying you rent ect….you should be teaching him about his credit score and what it means/ how to raise it ect. You should be helping him save for a down payment. Showing him how to budget his money.

Lighten up on the poor kid. He sounds like he’s got a great head on his shoulders especially being so young. But that can be ruined by the flip of a dime if you aren’t careful.

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Y’all should be ashamed. Smh Sorry af.

If you are going to charge him rent, lower it, put it in a savings account he doesn’t know about and give it back to him when he is ready to move out. That would be the only way I would ever charge my child rent. I had to pay for everything I had starting at age 15 with a work permit. It made me resent my parents.

You are 1000% WRONG!!!

That was really painful to read for starters. I’d like to give you a piece of my mind, but all I’ll say is that you are dead WRONG. He’s your teenage son. Act like a parent and stop putting such a heavy burden on him. They should go to school and work, but to put the onus on him to help you pay the rent is bloody right absurd. Do better Mom!!!

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Wow…smdh!!
I have 4 children and would never ask them for money

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He is 16. Not 18. I can see it at 18 maybe but not 16. I think it’s ridiculous that you would make him pay for his own room. If I were him I would feel like you didn’t even want me around. He is YOUR responsibility until at least age 18.

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He’s already giving you $150.00 a week and pays his own bills. That should be more then enough to let him have his own room.

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He deserves his own room in your home, no rent involved. Why would a 16 year old share with a 7 year old? No way. That is not a privelege. You need to find a 4 bedroom place. Also, don’t take any more money from him

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This is sad.
Your son is taking responsibility and learning accountability by working hard for something yet you AS A PARENT would take that from him. He is still your child. He’s going to school and work, most kids these days are dancing half naked on apps or are busy being high.
He’s trying to save for his own car, pays his own phone bills AND pays you $150? Girl, bye.
Take a step back and see that being a parent isn’t about making sacrifices, it’s a choice we made to have them.

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Your son shouldn’t have to pay for your choices. He’s still a kid living at home with you. He’s choosing to do things for himself on his own. Especially since he’s already giving you some on his own and you think he should pay you for a room?It’s not his responsibility to cover your end of bills because you decide you want a bigger home. You’re the parent not a landlord.

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Why do the girls who are younger get to have there own room? But the boys who have a 10 year age gap don’t? The 10/12 girls don’t actually need own rooms. The 7 and 16 year old boys do…… your picking the girls over him.

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You can’t charge rent to a minor. It’s your responsibility to provide him with adequate housing. He asked for a room doesn’t mean he gets it. Also if you make him a roommate by renting to him you’re also blurring the lines in what role he has in the household. He won’t be your child bc he’d be a tenant with rights and priceless. You better be putting that money in an acct for him for later. Don’t take money from your kid to subsidize your life style.

I would never charge my child rent!

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He’s already paying $150 and his phone. He sounds like a good hardworking kid. If he decides bugger it I’ll just go to school and not work than you won’t get $150? So getting a bigger house to reward his hard work should be a given!

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When I was 16, all I paid for was gas in my car and my phone bill and I worked around 20-30 hours a week. Let him enjoy being a kid, making him pay for a bedroom is ridiculous.
I’m 22 now and moved back home so I can go back to college. All I pay is my truck payment, insurance, and my phone. Plus my student loan and I do pay for a few groceries occasionally.
As a parent, the bills are your responsibility.

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You and your husband are so wrong you are in another galaxy. Sorry.
Yeah-SO….FYI…he’s a minor. In case you forgot how old your own kid is. He shouldn’t have to pay you rent, just because you choose to move to a place with high rent prices. That’s on you and your husband. Not your kid….I wouldn’t even be taking the $150 from him. I would be encouraging him to save it. And I hope that you would be a parent that would think that way and since you have the audacity to take it from him…you are saving that money for him and will be able to give him a nice bit of money towards that new car. :woman_shrugging:t2:
Our daughter is 18-she graduated last year. We have not taken a dime from her for anything. Rent…insurance….anything. She is working and in school. As long as she keeps that deal-we will support her. And honestly, if that changed, we would still. Because she’s our CHILD. THATS WHAT PARENTS DO.
And….as for your “trade school” comment. I’m not even going to start. Some of the most successful people I know, in your eyes, “lowered themselves” to go into the trades. And I have friends that spent years in college for useless degrees.
Where I live they GASP offer programs through our local high schools that allow the students to explore different trades, and many graduate with not only a high school diploma, but a technical degree.
I would support his decision to take that route, and be enthusiastic. He DOES have a plan.
Ok. I’m done.

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I just can’t even read this entire thing
What in the actual…

He is 16 years old… and working 40 hours a week ontop of school… and homework… no time for friends or a social life. Hes driven for a vehicle and seems to know what he wants. He doesnt back talk you and he respects you and out of the kindness of his heart gives you 600$ a month for YOURSELF. and you have the nerve to ask for the 400?? Kinda selfish no?? Couldnt you take the 400 from the 600 he ALREADY generously gives you. And either use the 200 for yourself. Or maybe set it aside for him for his future?? You’re supposed to be his support network. Hes not your financial aid. Hes almost an adult and you want him to share a room with a 7 year old. This boy needs space to grow and learn. And you should be giving him that. Most parents have trouble with their kids attending school at all. Let alone even working a part time job. And your son works full time. God this whole post sickened me. You chose to have a child. that means theyre your financial burden. You knew that. You signed up for it. You shouldn’t be his financial burden. God hes still a kid. Him working for his own money is a strong responsibility as is. Let him save it. Give him a chance for his future.

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You are more than wrong, I don’t see how you’ve raised such a responsible son because you are a disgusting human being and parent. However, now that I think about it, he’s probably so responsible because he has such a terrible mother so he’s had no choice but to fend for himself. How do you even live with yourself?! Goodness gracious I wish this wasn’t anonymous because I’d take great enjoyment in reporting you to child services.

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he didn’t ask to be born he shouldn’t have to share a room with a 7 year old either if they were closer in age then I could see it you or the dad need to step up or move states honestly this post blows my mind if he’s doing his school works respecting you & giving you $ for the heck of it what more can you ask from a child no wonder kids these days run as soon as they hit 18 you use him as a pawn for his $. I still get shit on from my parents for not having a college degree even after many years now being out of high school when in reality I wanted to do trade school it’s a good career less time & in most cases more money let him make his own path in life that’s how he will learn.

That is way, way, too much! He shouldn’t be responsible for putting a roof over his head at 16 years old. Any money that he gives you should be put away for him. So then maybe by the time he is 18 he can actually move out and have his own place. I feel like what you’re doing is stealing from him not just financially but towards his education, future and actually his teenage years.
I get it that he doesn’t like school but trade school is going to take time and if he’s working full time he will burn him self out. Too much imo!

I’m a mother of 6 so I know exactly how it is not having enough bedrooms for each kids to have their own room.

But I will tell you, no way in ANY HELL I would be accepting any money from my child!!! He willingly gives you $600/month! He’s paying his mom child support for himself! TF! This is the most messed up bullshit post I’ve ever read. You are wrong on so many levels and I’m so glad I’m a better person!!!

I’m sorry but he’s 16 and paying for his own things as is. He deserves his own room! He’s literally already paying to live in your home as a teen and he shouldn’t be. And if I were you I’d take all that money and put it in savings for when he’s ready to leave on his own rather than charge him for everything you can. Sounds like he needs better parents and you need better parenting.

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I would just let him pay the 150. Your raising a great young man if he openly gave you money without being asked. I wouldn’t take that for granted. Honestly if my kids ever gave me money I would just save it for them incase times fell tough for them. We are their parents. Not their landlord.

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Wrong in all kinds of ways. He is a CHILD! Let him live and have fun not worry about rent. Jesus…

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How is he legally working 40 hours a week in California? He is only allowed to work 4 hours a day during the week day and 8 hours a day on weekends. He does pay you for taking him places and picking up friends. You are in the wrong. I understand living in California is expensive. I only charge my 19 year old son 200 a month . Because he is working and not in school. Plus he has his own room and uses the car.

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Yes you are in the wrong on a lot more then just the room…… Most of this doesn’t sit right at all…… you shouldn’t be taking any of his money at all, the $150 a week should be put in a savings account for HIM! … you literally said…I give him rides everywhere and don’t ask for gas…… ummm ………what…… yea that’s how parenting works……he’s still a child…. this poor kid is behind before he’s even gotten started. The goal is to set your kids up for success… clearly he already understands the value of working hard, and being respectful but this is way over the top.

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Yes, wrong. You should be ashamed taking that $150 a week. Maybe if you were really just saving it for him…and then ask for more?? And you feed him and don’t ask him for gas money?? Haha wtf

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My kids will always have a room at our house rent free esp while in school but that’s just me

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Your son has his shit together. You and your husband…not so much. YOU are the parents. You’re supposed to provide for him, not the other way around.

What the heck is this mess? He is 16, he is in school, working 40 hours a week, and you want him to pay to have his own dang room? This is the most ridiculous thing I have ever heard! He isn’t even legally an adult! Yes to your question. You are being too damn hard on your 16 year old son.