I don’t think you’re wrong. She’s an addict, so there’s most likely substances there and I wouldn’t feel comfortable leaving my child there. Kids get into everything & you just never know so I wouldn’t even put them in that situation
Absolutely NOT. He can go visit her but that is no place for kids. She can come see her grand kids on a common safe ground of your choosing.
Nope. Not wrong at all. They are your kids too, and you don’t need to subject your kids to being around people who abuse drugs and alcohol. My s/o mom is very similar, and my s/o also does not want her around our children.
Tell him to tell her to go there
nope!! he can go visit her without the children.
You are not wrong.Its parents job to keep children safe.
Protect your children. Addicts need to take responsibility for their addiction. Period. If your husband doesn’t see that then you may need a new one.
Nope !!! She wants to see the kids she can go there !
Ur not wrong if he wants to see her then he can go there Ur doing the right thing. Xoxo
Absolutely not!!
Think if something were to happen and you knew drugs and alcohol was there and you still chose to let them go there…CPS would probably step in…wouldnt be good at all…protect your babies and let the mama bear come out in you…
You are not wrong to want to protect your children …compromise maybe ? Let them know you are coming to visit but tell them …and your husband…First sign of drink /drug use and you leave ?
Husband can visit anytime he wants but not with the children ?
My birth mother is a narcissist, alcoholic and a druggy. I know what your going threw i’d say If she wants to see them your place so you know everyone is safe you got this stand your ground.
Depending in the drugs being used, it could be physically harmful for your children to be in an environment like that. For instance, meth residue can stay suspended in the air and stays on surfaces including walls, carpets, furniture and can even be in the heating and cooling ducts and air filters which means your children could absorb trace amounts of the drug while being there. That’s was just an example.
That’s what addicts do.
My mom was one, last thing I said to her was she was not seeing my kids again till she was clean, next time I seen her she was dead. I have zero regrets for what I said.
NO, never let the children stay unless you are there. Be safe
If she wants to see them she can come to your house and see them
You’re absolutely in the right. Keep the kids away
Go somewhere else, like dinner, or something. You don’t have to go to her house. Just a thought.
You aint wrong your husband is better to protect your kids then lose custody of them
No. My mom is a alcoholic she has 8 grandchildren and sees none of them. They all have their own reasoning but me personally I have 5 and just don’t go around her. I love her she’s my mother but I don’t want my children seeing that life style as acceptable. She can come to my house but doesn’t. I choose not to he around toxic. I’ve cutt off my entire family because they are all addicts of some sort.
Nope. Stick to your guns. Kids come first
No, not wrong. Addicts dont care who they harm. They’re addicts. I live with this daily. And sometimes you have to cut them off. Just because they are family doesnt always mean you have to put up with their toxicity.
Please keep your babies away from her or at least supervise every visit.
My aunt was an abusive drunk. I had to visit her every Christmas to be beaten for the stupidest things (like getting the measels). My mom knew what was going on but she was her big sister, raised her. My dad hated her & would stay home or drive up on his own so he didn’t have to stay long. I wish he would’ve stood upto her & my mom. Please do that for your kids.
you are not wrong. The addict is dangerous to your kids…when your MIL becomes a recovering addict then it will be safe.
First of all, if you knowingly take your children where you know illegal drugs are present you yourself could end up in a world of trouble for allowing your children to be around illegal drugs. Second, if the police come to her house to investigate for drug activity and they discover illegal drugs in the house, every adult in that house is getting hauled off to jail until they get the whole story figured out and your kids will end up with someone else while you and your husband sit in jail for being in the wrong place at the wrong time. If your husband sees this as no big deal, I would be wondering if he has been joining them in their activities.
Sounds like you’re the responsible one here. Good job Mama!!
Nope not wrong at all!
Keep the kids away. Compromise if you want by letting them come over to your house. Let your husband know if they drink or do drugs then they will be asked to leave. If they dont you will call the cops. If its important for them to see the kids, they will abide by the rules. If its not then they’ll show their true colors. It will probably cause issues with your husband, but he needs to understand that you will protect your kids over making him and everyone else happy. She can see her grandkids even if its on your terms and she should be happy with that.
Also depending on the drugs, they shouldn’t be there even if its all put away and no one is high. Certain drugs can leave residue on everything that can sink in through the skin and kids touch everything.
You are not wrong. You also need to take into account that his normal includes his mother as an addict, and he survived. Him understanding that it’s not the type of normal you want your children to inherit, and how as a family you can work together to create a safe environment for everyone involved. Maybe it’s a matter of meeting his mother on neutral territory when the kids are included. Your husband can go over to his mother’s but an understanding of why the children should not is what you need to works towards.
That’s a dangerous environment for the children, you’re not wrong. Your spouse needs to see the greater picture and not allow that toxicity around his children and your marriage.
nope. keep the kids away from there.
No you are not wrong. If you have your kids in a house with illegal drugs. CPS can take your kids away for child endangerment. You can be fined and arrested if there is a significant amount of drugs in the house. If she wants to see your kids and be apart of their life she needs to get clean. I would not have my kids around someone who is using.
ABSOLUTELY NOT!!! Your children are not safe in that home! If the authorities or a teacher finds out you let them go over there knowing there are drugs in the home they CAN and WILL call CPS take your kids away and you will be arrested. Your husband IS WRONG!!!
They shouldn’t be there alone nope mm mm. Also if she wants them over there everyone must be sober. First hint of high or drunk and you all leave. If that can’t be done then oh well! Kids don’t need to see them high and drunk. They do deserve to know their grandma though so I think finding middle ground like that is fair, and if she doesn’t agree then she’ll be the only one standing in the way of her grandkids.
No you’re being smart and putting the kids first.
You can meet her at a restaurant or another relatives house (non drug user) and you can invite her to your home so long as she agrees not to bring drugs in your house. Not only would your kids be in a dangerous environment in her house, with people that are under the influence of drugs and alcohol. But you are all putting yourself at risk with the law and social services being involved in your lives.
No you’re being smart and putting the kids first.
You can meet her at a restaurant or another relatives house (non drug user) and you can invite her to your home so long as she agrees not to bring drugs in your house. Not only would your kids be in a dangerous environment in her house, with people that are under the influence of drugs and alcohol. But you are all putting yourself at risk with the law and social services being involved in your lives.
She should come visit you guys in your home in a safe and comfortable environment. What kind of drugs are we talking here?
It’s a new day and age TEACH THEM the way. They will not be with you forever. More than likely they will try drugs in they’re lifetime. Better to educate and set boundaries then to make them resent you one day for not letting them have a relationship. Don’t judge her for using. Also educate yourself. Some people have past trauma’s they deal with and need to use. Trust in God he will help you. Pray for your kids. No matter what everything is going to be okay. Your a good mom for reaching out. I admire that
Your not wrong. We have nothing to do with mine for that very reason…that whole family is family IS bs TOXIC IS TOXIC. Protect your babies
You are not in the wrong at all. No child should be in or near an environment like that! They need to respect your children and not drink or use other substances near them. It’s really NOT difficult to do what’s in the child’s best interest!
If he wants a relationship with her then let him. Just don’t allow your kids to be in that kind of toxic, dangerous environment.
Nope. You & your babies don’t need that MESS.
What if her house were raided? If your children were there…what would happen? What if they found the drugs and got into them? You’re not in the wrong. Your husband can still have a relationship with his mom, but you both need to protect your babies 
Yuck. The husband can go visit her all by himself. I wouldn’t have my kid at her house either. Kids come first, as well as protecting your peace.
Toxicity is Toxicity is Toxicity.
You ALWAYS need to protect your kids and while I understand your husband wanting a relationship with his mother, what would he do if your kids were at her house and ingested her drugs? It happens all to often and it usually results in the child ending up dead. Your husband can have a relationship with his mother. That doesn’t mean you or your kids have to, unless you can do supervised visits, in a safe location.
No you are putting your kids first like a parent should! He needs to follow suit…
What type of drugs? I mean some people act this way over weed so if it’s just weed and alcohol I dont see an issue so long as they dont smoke and drink heavy around the kids. If it’s hard drugs then all bets are off obviously. Do what’s best for your kids.
Have her come to your place instead
Your not wrong I would never bring my kids in a place where drugs are. Your being a good mum.
Not wrong at all! If there are drugs in the house and people high/drunk, it’s not safe for your children! Tell MIL if she wants to see them she can come see them at your house 
Ummmm no, what kind of a father wants his kids around drinking and drugs!! SMH! If he wants her to see her grandkids she can come see the under supervision in your home!
How old are your kids? If you can constantly supervise both at MIL’s place, you could do occasional short visits, or if they are old enough and will follow rules (don’t open any drawers or cabinets: the contents could kill you) it might be OK to visit.
OTOH, are these folks seriously impaired? Would MIL drop a baby or brother get angry & punch the kids?
If you & hubs can’t guarantee the kids will always be in your sight (including in the bathroom), only meet at your house & make sure your alcohol is locked up, and their coats, purses, pockets, etc. are out of the kids’ reach. Of course meeting elsewhere (restaurant, park, museum) is always available. You’re not keeping the kids from their relatives, you’re keeping them safe.
Might be worth getting hubs to counseling (start with marriage/family counseling to get him to go). He probably has a warped sense of what’s dangerous having grown up around this and it being normalized for him. A third party professional can ask the right questions to open his eyes & help him deal with his personal and family dynamics.
No you are not wrong, by allowing your kids to be at her house, if anything ever happened and the kids are there, you could be held negligent for knowingly letting them be over there. You must protect your kids at all costs.
Kudos to you but I also think you’re going to have to think about your husband and his relationship with his kids and his mom cuz you’re going to have to protect them from your husband
You protect your kids. Looks like he wouldn’t want them around that mess either
No hunny protect your children
You are absolutely not wrong.Stand your ground.He needs a reality check if he thinks its ok for his kids to be in that environment.
My mil is extremely toxic we cut her out over 3 years ago and we are so much happier. Cut her loose tell the hubby if he wants a Relationship with her that’s fine but you will not put your kids in danger and will not risk losing them because of her. If they get busted doing drugs while your kids are there bye bye kids
Toxic is toxic. I’m sure if it were your mother you’d do the same and your husband would not mind. Her toxic life is probably “normal” for him so he might need a lil bit more time to understand where you’re coming from.
Keep visits short at a neutral place or at home. Rule no drugs in the house no liquor
Tell him HE can go but your children don’t need to be exposed to that. My brother in law is an addict and lived with my mother in law for a while. My son did no go around him.
No. Protect your children!!! Not only would you be putting them in danger you could lose them for having them over there especially depending on the drugs etc. That could get real bad real fast. If he wants his mother to have a relationship with the kids she can come to your house or meet in a public place.
Protect your kids!!! Their grandmother is an addict and they deserve better than that. Your husband can get over it!!!
Well yes it his mother and dont get mad if he chooses her over you. Seek counseling.
Come on There are plenty of ways you can let her see the kid invite her to lunch once a week or a walk in the park then your covered if she refuses you offered tell that to your husband you will look good
No, maybe you could ask her over for Sunday lunches.
I’m an addict in recovery, a mom and wife…no, you are not wrong
I would just tell him you’d feel more comfortable with her coming to your house to see the kids. Drug addicts have unpredictable people show up sometimes.
Kids always come first. You are the mom so your feelings matter, how you want your kids to think matters, and what you allow them to see is your choice. As far as having a relationship with her, I think it is important for them to know their family, as long as they are not being exposed to dangerous situations. As others have stated make park dates invite her over for lunch or dinner… you can manage your time they have with her. Unless she is just so drugged up she is not coherent… My opinion is do what’s best for your children’s sake!
Nope I’ve been in recovery 7 years tell him they are welcome at your house or in a public place where you know the kids can’t get anything they aren’t supposed to
My ex MIL is also an addict and believes she is entitled to my child
I literally caught her smoking meth in her bedroom while I was in the living room with my child and his dad.
When I called her out on it she said “I can do whatever I want behind my bedroom door so long as its closed”
Shes no longer allowed to see my child period. My ex snuck him over there and guess what happened? She ended up having a small party in her room with people smoking meth and cigs and God knows what else.
This is all in a 1 bed apartment.
Don’t let that end up being what happens to you just because shes family. Your husband can go see his mom when he wants, he’s an adult and can expose himself to whatever he feels like.
Nobody has the right to expose your children to that lifestyle whatsoever though. Put your foot down.
He needs to get into therapy. He’s putting his own wants and his mother before his minor children. I’d tell him I’m sorry that you don’t have the mom you deserve but our childrens safety is extremely important at and knowingly putting them inside a drug house is dangerous. Suggest therapy and the adult children of addiction groups. People who are active in addiction are not safe. If you want to try an outside only relationship that’s up to you.
He can have a relationship w her but your children don’t have to go there. She can come to u where u can control the environment
Kids always come first. If you feel uncomfortable with them being there then he needs to respect that. Maybe if he wants her around so bad maybe get together for breakfast or lunch once a week. But you aren’t going over board. Drug addicts can have some messed up people come through and unpredictable times. You aren’t wrong
Have his mum over at your house.
Nope you’re not wrong.
Then your husband can visit her, No child (regardless of WHO it is) should be subjected to that.
Stand you ground Mama.
I would kick her to the curb till she chooses to get clean. I’ve done it once and I’d do it again. Never let toxic people around your kids or even yourself.
I wouldn’t have my kids around drugs either
I’m a recovery addict, no you’re not wrong. Keep those boundaries!! What happens if they raid her house while you’re there with kids, it would be traumatizing to ur kids
No not wrong for wanting to make sure your kids are in a safe environment…with an addict( most of my family is) there’s alot of people showing up there I guarantee drug paraphernalia around somewhere put up or not you do not want your kids seeing or coming across it by accident…they shouldn’t be exposed to that…but I also see the fact a grandma wants to see her grand babies…soooooo maybe try a weekly family meal at your home or a public place for play time or something not at her home…that would also show your ability to not cut her out but have the kids and you in a safe and protected environment …there is ways to go around not being in her home and still allow her to have a relationship with her grandbabies…if she refuses you then it’s her problem and not yours…but I think a weekly family meal to see and bond and update on the kids and school and just how things are would be the way to go…hell even phone calls would be a way to communicate and chit chat without being in her home…I’d also advise some rules for family night…my mother in law likes to try and bring whatever man of the month to dinners and we had to say hey this random man we don’t know has no business at family dinner…she doesn’t show as often but we still do dinners…still send an invite and reminder and if she doesn’t show…that’s her problem…good luck…
This is my own mother and I cut communication from her myself. Tried to allow her into my and my kids life, but she was very let’s just say off the wall with her behavior and or erratic attitudes. You’re not wrong. There are way to many bad cases that transpire from parents leaving their children unattended with drug addicts or alcoholics. If you’re okay spending time together with her and the kids, try to offer public outings once or twice a month, but by no means leave your children alone with her.
I went through this, but with my own mom. Before her stroke, I didn’t keep my oldest daughter away from her. I knew that my mom knew her limits around her grandchildren. Never once did she ever go overboard while she was with my daughter. It’s certainly something that you need to choose, and what you think your MIL might be capable of around your children. If she can’t be responsible, then you’re def not in the wrong
No, you’re not wrong in the least bit. Protect those babies, period. Let her come to your home in your safe space where you know your children are at no risk of coming into contact with things they shouldn’t.
I always say someones title to you does not entitle them to you! Also your kids safety is top priority. Sad to say it that way but you already know the answer. Keep them babies safe. If she wants to see them she can come to your house but also on terms that she isn’t high at that time. Bc no child deserves to see that.
If he wants to have a relationship with her that’s perfectly fine, he can visit his mother. I would suggest if she wants to have visits with your children she should come to your home and have to be sober to come. 
. You need to protect your children, and being in a home where alcohol and drug are being used is not safe
so so so much could go wrong by having the children visit her. Why not make her feel loved and wanted, and invite her over for dinner 1x a week. or to go places with you guys and the kids. She could probably use the love and support.
There’s other places they can spend time together and not in a house like that. I wouldn’t want my kids around that shit either. I’d also tell them they have to be S O B E R around your kids and if they can’t do that, then they are choosing not to be around your kids. Simple as that. I personally wouldn’t give a fuck who doesn’t like me for that, my kids and their safety always come first.
We all judge. If you say you don’t . You’re lying. I’d judge her more for being an addict. It’s a choice and she chose her drugs over her family. Move on and be happy
Invite her to your house - your rules - your clean habits etc.
You’re absolutely not wrong, she could get your children taken from you if they find drugs while they are. I would tell your husband to be more worried about keeping his children than keeping up with his mother.
You are not wrong. Protecting your children is priority. I would never allow my kids to be exposed to this, family or not.
What if you kids into her drugs? Idk how old your kids are, but my two year old is into everything. And puts everything in his mouth.
So my son’s father’s mom is like this and now my son is 2.5 and had met that family 3 times I keep him away under every circumstance I always remember what my sister said when she was on drugs she was screwing this girl who was home from rehab the drugs seeped out of my sisters pores into that girl’s and she failed the drug test so off that I wouldn’t want my son getting high off that shit
Keep your boundaries if you feel it’s an unsafe environment
If they were to raid her house and you and the kids and your husband would go down with her and your kids would be taken away from you. It is called "guilty by association ". There was a movie one time and it may have been the same name l just gave you. Guilty by Association. See if you can find that movie and watch it. I think it was based on a true story. Not sure. I am a retired correctional officer , some people call us prison guards. I was a co for almost 20 years until I had to retire from getting hurt. I could tell you some stories. Stick to your guns and stay away from that environment.
Same & Our son does NOT go near his mother or his family for the same reason #NoWay #NoHow