My stepdaughter is 20, living at home. She is not allowed to have boys stay the night, and has recently brought this up to me as “that’s not fair, I spoke to my boss about it and my friends - they don’t see an issue and their parents let boys stay.” We don’t allow it for several reasons. 1. She’s old enough to have her own place if she wants to act like an adult, 2. she doesn’t have a boyfriend, 3. the amount of sexual partners she’s had since January is enough to build a football team (4. not that they could actually play football - they have little drive and zero skill). 5. She also has little siblings that stay here. I don’t want to “s**t shame” her, or make her feel judged on her taste - but I feel as though she really doesn’t have an argument here. Me and her talk very openly, and I am honest with how I feel about the subject - but she doesn’t see the issue. What do y’all think I don’t speak down to her, I don’t try to “slut shame” her for her “hobby” or whatever you may call it. But, I also do not agree with it, and I don’t know what to say to get my point across without appearing to be judging.
Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. Am I in the wrong for not allowing my stepdaughter to have boys over?
it’s your house and your rules, she don’t like it, be a grown up and move out
Your house, your rules🤷♀️ if she wants people to sleep over, she needs her own place…
No you’re not in the wrong but it’s good she asked you instead of sneaking it around
I think if their are younger siblings there, it’s a no. But if they’re ever out of the house at a sleepover or something, I would say she could then. That would be the compromise xx
That’s right, you’re house, you’re rules… Simple a that
I don’t blame you for not wanting people to come in and out of your home. You have your little ones to think about. If she wants to have male company over then she needs to get her own place…
She can stay at their house for the night
Your house your rules. At her age she can move out and live her life as she pleases.
“I don’t want to slut shame her” but literally 2 sentences before that you said “the amount of sexual partners she’s had since January is enough to build a football team”
She needs her own place for that… living at home when you got siblings means there’s still rules regardless of her age. Adult visits etc is for an adult with their own home.
It’s your house, your rules! If she wants new rules, she should find a new place
Your house your rules. I was still in my 20s living at home and paying rent. Bit no boyfriends allowed to.stay the night.
She shouldn’t be setting that example for her siblings nor letting unvetted men in their home. Sleepovers are for when you live alone, not with a family.
Your house your rules and with smaller kids do you really want random men circulating through your home. She can stay at there house or find her own place.
Your house her rules if she doesn’t like it she can leave
sounds like your “slut shaming “ and judging her already too:joy: would it be better if she slept around with lawyers to make you happy
I don’t blame you AT ALL! YOUR REASONS ARE PERFECT! She can run men in and out of her home. She old enough. Tell her to move to her own place if she wants dk that can spend the night.
As a bunch of other people have already said….your house, your rules. How does her dad feel about the situation? Also, if she wants to have boys stay the night, tell her she can do that once she gets her own place. It’s time for her to grow up, she’s 20.
You house, your rules. If she doesn’t like it, move out.
Think us mums are mostly agreeing its your home your rules and we think your right
Your house your rules.
Your house your rules
Your house your rules I reckon
Your house. Your rules. Simple. Don’t like it, leave 🤷
Your house. Your rules. Period.
She needs her own place
Honestly, I don’t agree with her having boys over its not OK if she has younger siblings there too…but I also think the way you’re speaking about her is disgusting…‘enough guys to make a football team’ how awful
Your house, your rules. She can move out if she doesn’t like them. You have other children in the home and you don’t need strangers staying in your home.
If you don’t want people in the house that’s valid especially with younger kids in the house but the amount of people she has sex with is
A) non of your business
B ) says absolutely NOTHING about her as a person.
Not even sure why you felt the need to bring that up. You say you don’t want to slut shame so stop it then
your house—your rules. When she moves out, her house, her rules (and her STD judging by your post). Considering she has siblings, this isn’t the way she should be acting under your roof. Life’s not fair—move out and see for yourself
Your house your rules. If she doesn’t like your rules, she can hit the door and get her own place.
I lived at home until I was 22. I could have boys over but at curfew time they went home per my parents rules. And that was fine because it was THEIR house. As far as the “it’s not fair”… it’s your house, she doesn’t have a say. You do.
I don’t let my 23 year old son bring girls home. Now if/when he gets with one he wants to have a real relationship with my views will be different. Although the gf would ever sleep over at my house. I never had sex in my parents home I felt it’s very disrespectful.
at the end of the day your house your rules.
Why doesn’t she stay at their place ?
If there are young kids in the house I respect the decision, although I would alter to rule to “casual partners aren’t allowed” but someone she is actively dating should be.
I have had to stress i am the landlord. If you do not like your tenancy, please feel free to move. My daughter (at 22) would be on her phone loudly all night or watch movies quite loudly. Honestly, she would do it on purpose to bug me. I get up before sunrise for work.
She rolled her eyes but did turn everything down. She is now quite aware of why dorms have rules, etc. This last visit (at 26) she asked if she could bring her boyfriend (of three years).
I agree my daughters are 19, 25… no Boys allowed over night unless they’re married! If they’re friends they can come at decent hours to visit! She ain’t no bootie call!!
I wouldn’t want any Tom d**k or Harry coming in to my home either. Totally different if it’s a stable boyfriend
No absolutely not. She can get her own place
Definitely shouldn’t be slut shaming or commenting on the amount of them but everything else I agree, it’s unsafe to hve that many random men in the home with small children ! Your house your rules
Why does it matter how many sex partners she’s had? Her body, her choice. Sex is as natural as eating. It’s not something to be ashamed of. Do you have sex with your partner in the house? Let her live her own life.
I wouldnt only because of the younger siblings.
Your house, your rules. I’m in my 20’s and we still live with my parents.
Your house your rules simple as that
Your house your rules, but you are in fact slut shaming her.
You wanna play house, you have a house. She is not in a serious relationship, and should have respect.
“I don’t want to “slut shame””. That football team comment. Big yikes.
You are not wrong. Like you said if she wants to act like an adult then move out plus you have smaller children to worry about also.
Does she pay rent/bills? If she is then she is technically renting her room from you and should be able to do anything legal in there that she wants. How many partners shes had is really none of your business. If you dont want the extra ppl through your house then have her move out. Its your house, your rules to a point. Treating an adult like a child/teenager helps nobody.
Stepdaughter… so what does her father your husband have to say? Because it is his house as well…
I get what you are saying. Its your house your rules. But a large number of partners doesn’t mean its not done safely.
She sho can get her own place cause that’s a big hell nah.
Your house, your rules! If she doesn’t like it, she can move on. Lol
I wouldn’t allow boys to come stay the night with my daughter no way. Your 100% correct. I agree with you. Your house your rules.
My mom’s words were “I’m not running a flop house”
Your house especially not with younger ones
Your house your rules .
I dont buy the whole “my house my rules” nonsense
In your house shes supposed to be safe, you’re encouraging a dangerous trend
I agree with your rules but don’t sit there and try to convince yourself that you aren’t slut shaming her when you clearly are based off the football team comment🙄
Your rules your house. If she get pregnant while in your house then who’s going to be taking care of a grandbaby! Tell her no because of covid🤷🏾♀
If it were a stable boyfriend, I could understand allowing an overnight here and there, but if she is wanting to bring different men to spend the night, oh my gosh… just no! You can’t as a parental figure, condone that type of behavior. I don’t feel like you setting this rule and giving her some structure is unfair in any way.
Your house and your rules but I don’t think this is the hill to die on.
The number of sex partners a woman has, has nothing to do with this post. Very much slut shaming but coming from someone who got pregnant in high school, I’d rather them safe in my home than out at a random dudes house.
No way! Although I would be careful of what she overhears you saying about it when you think she can’t hear you, because you are using shaming language here.
Ur house ur rules.u are not in the wrong what so ever.
Even if she was paying rent it is your place and sorry but her judge of character wouldn’t be enough for me to feel safe with complete strangers coming into my home around my children. Why can’t she go over there? Do they not have a home? I think its crazy she thinks at 20 years old she should be able to screw people in her mama’s house lol. There is no argument. Tell her she’s more than welcome to pay rent and go get her own place and she can have a different guy every night if she wants!
Your house your rules. She can go ho in her own home.
Your house, your rules. If she wants to do that, she can do it elsewhere.
It’s really gross to me that you would even comment on her amount of sexual partners…because you ARE shame her for it when you do that. Or use the word slut in any capacity when referring to her, but anyways… I personally would allow my children to do as they please at 20 years old as long as they are contributing to the bills and home upkeep…Not my business what my adult children do as long as it’s kept private. That being said, it’s your house and your rules ( along with her father) so do what you gotta do I guess
“I’m not trying to sl*t shame her”. But that’s exactly what you just did. I get that it’s your house and your rules. And you’re 100% entitled to those rules. But why did you have to mention how many partners she’s had? That really had nothing to do with you not allowing guys over.
Your house your rules. I wouldn’t want strangers in my house that I don’t know.
It’s not setting a good example for the younger siblings. If she wants to have boys stay the night, then she should get her own place. Easy peasy
Sorry, strange boys aren’t safe to have around your younger children. That alone warrants your rule, just being a protective parent. Case closed.
I think you both need to find common ground. Relationships are all about compromise. Listening to each other?
Although I agree, you don’t want a revolving door to different boys and encourage that sort of behaviour. Discourage it by saying when you find a stable boyfriend and you’re in a relationship and have met this person. You would feel more comfortable in having them over? Have a set day. So when the younger children are home say this is a no stay day. But on the day they’re not at home, the “boyfriend “ can stay. But not crushes or Flings. If she wants to live that sort of lifestyle then she needs to move out and get her own place to enjoy her hobbies.
Essentially it’s your home, your rules and children should respect that. But to save you and your step child’s relationship I think it would be sensible to hear her, agree with some things and make a compromise.
Like children, a solid no no No no no no constantly will encourage them to turn their cheek. But a not right now but tomorrow softens the blue and find common ground.
She isn’t going to see it any other way because that doesn’t benefit her. Your houses, your rules… if she’s mad, she can get glad again.
Your house, your rules…especially if there are young ones there. Besides, if she is 20, they are hardly “boys”. If they don’t have any ambition, that means they probably aren’t working. Once they come in, you might have trouble getting them back out. I would point out to her that if her boss and friends approve, maybe they would put her and her “guests” up for the night.
Your house, your rules.
Your house, your rules. If she wants to have ppl over maybe this will be motivation for her to move out plain and simple
Your home, your rules…the end
Your house your rules if wants freedom get job get her own place
She is old enough too have a job and a place if that’s what she chooses to do You are not wrong at all Stand strong and don’t back down Those types of men are strangers too you and your children whether she knows them or not and y’all’s safety is at risk as y’all sleep She better get a motel room or something
Your house. Your rules
Your daughter is 20. It is your home and your rules. You are in your rights. can’t be flouncing her private life where there’s younger siblings and cnt be nice for you either especially if she doesn’t have a boyfriend. If she thinks its unfair maybe she should get her own place n pay all her own bills then its her house her rules. Life’s not fair. But you are in your rights n I stand by this
My parents didn’t allow it and neither did I.
It’s ok to slut shame in your own home. if she wants to act so grown she can move out or get a hotel.
My kids are both older and i allow some. If its friends I dont mind them sleeping on the couch or an actual boyfriend I am fine as long as ive met them before but randoms I’d draw the line at and my kids respect that. You don’t know who these people are so if she wants to have one nighters at her place then time for her to move out.
Hell no. If she wants to bring all these different dudes home she can go get her own place. Don’t need strangers coming in your house while you have little kids.
Your house, your rules.
Sounds like she needs to leave the nest if she’s already spreading her ‘wings’
Your house, your rules, regardless of how old she is or what her friends are doing. She doesn’t like it, she can move out.
Your house, your rules. If she doesn’t like it she can go get her own place and figure it out.
Like you said. If she wants to take part in adult activities she can move out, like an adult.
It would be a no for me as well.
You sl*t shamed her before you said you didn’t wanna.
There’s no reason she cannot have the opposite sex at your home where she would be SAFE.
Setting boundaries is a good place to start. Maybe you should work on that TOGETHER instead of shaming her. She is in fact 20, but even under your roof-she should be able to have the opposite sex over as long as they’re safe…
Y’all so quick to be like “my house my rules”
Well maybe the boy she’s seeing tonight doesn’t have rules at his house at all…?
While I agree with your rules I don’t think you going on the internet and pretty much slut shaming her is right. You can ask the question and leave her sexual history out of it.
If she pays rent, technically it’s her say on what she wants as well. Im sorry but legally she rents a room and can have do to an extent what she wants. If you don’t want extra people around, have her move out.
Your house …your rules
Your not wrong! It’s your house, you have you get children!
Your not trying to ‘sl*t shame’ her, but you Are .!
The only valid issue, is the younger siblings.
Have you spoken to her other parent.? Maybe try come up with another idea for her….
If she wants freedom she should get her own place for her… activities. If it was a stable and longer term relationship I would have a different opinion but as a mom with young ones home as well that isn’t a good cycle for them to see at a young age.