No you’re not being at all ridiculous. After 13 years of marriage, there should be no difference in the way these children are treated. My in laws were perfect in that way, bless their souls.
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No you’re absolutely right, I have bonus grandchildren I love them all the same
Maybe take a couple wrapped presents just in case, then if only your son gets presents say oh my guess Santa forgot about some of yours but I think I know where they are , and get them maybe the grandparents will get embarrassed
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My MIL buys for my oldest which isn’t hers but she treats him just as good as her own children and I couldn’t be more thankful to have a MIL like her. I would never do a child like that either. But I do explain to my oldest every year to not feel bad if he doesn’t get as much as the smaller ones do bc he also has his mamaws on his dads side that buys for him too. My oldest is very blessed for all of his family.
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Speak up for Dory! You r a great mama!! Heading off your baby’s heartache? Fricking hero mom! No man comes before your baby.
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Your MIL and husband are in the wrong. My oldest (5yr old and not my boyfriends child biological) is treated just like my youngest(my boyfriend biological) by his family. Has since we got together almost 2 years ago.
I normally don’t comment but this hit close to home. I don’t have amazing advice but my sister and I grew up in a home like that where our little brother (different dad) was treated like gold. It absolutely will affect Dory. I wish my mom stood up for us. You are absolutely doing the right thing and protecting your kiddo. I have 3 boys middle isn’t biologically mine but he’s mine! We love all 3 the same. Kids know. And they tend to ask why their not good enough. After 15 years of marriage my mom divorced. So 15 years only dad we had. His entire family dropped my sister and I like a bad habit. My brother only got bday cards etc. Over 20 years past and I still don’t know what I did wrong. So yes stand up for your kids. Always 
I hope this helps
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Girl don’t let her hurt your oldest like that. It will build resentments towards the sibling.
Stay home & when they ask why just simply explain that you are playing favorites too.
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The only steps in a house should be the ones that get you to a different floor.
Your mil is an awful person and your husband isn’t too far behind. I wouldn’t go with either child and to be honest, I’d be reevaluating the relationship. If he doesn’t think what his mother is doing is wrong then he thinks your children are have different statuses in the family.
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Feel ya…my kids get treated differently too by my own parents…but my mother has treated me this way my whole life…they even forgot all about my kids this yr…I know cause she told me…gave my daughter a gift that was intended for my sister and my two boys got scratch tickets…one isn’t even old enough to play scratch tickets…and while listing off the things they completed. Mentioned everyone but my boys…it makes me disappointed and ive had to explain things to my kids…they get it…but its not a nice feeling…sorry you and your kiddo have to to go through this…hopefully things work out for you…
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been there done that–I totally understand how you feel, the only difference being the grandmother treated my husband’s kids (who lived with us) wonderfully and the kids my husband and I had together terrible!
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If you were to pair up with ex again (for arguments sake only) n that man nurtured only your daughter he had in common…fed her not him…they would be mortified.
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I’m so confused “he (husband) thinks she shouldn’t always have to be fair to both kids because only one kid is her actual grandchild” and “my husband has accepted my oldest as his own” both of those statements can’t be true. If he accepted your oldest as his child too he would never make excuses for his mother, and would never say she has only one grandchild. I honestly don’t know how you’re saying that he does, he very clearly doesn’t. If he did he would clearly state he has 2 children, and his mother has 2 grandchildren.
I know it’s past Christmas now but if I was going to MILs and she wasn’t going to treat my kids equally I’d ask to see what she got them both, and go shopping to make it equal. That’s the only way I’d go. Then I would reevaluate my relationship and never ever go to MILs house, or allow gifts from her to any of my kids until she learned how to treat them equally.
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Seeing Dory has been in her dads family’s life for 13 years, it’s a wonder she haven’t said anything about being treated differently, Dory needs to tell her ,that it hurts her feelings when she does it , If her anwer if because his my real grandchildren, After 13 years ,dory if you don’t love me the same I’m not coming here anymore ,
All children in a family should be loved & spoiled equally ,no matter how they became a part of that family
If she can’t do that after knowing a child and watching her growing up for 13 years , sounds like she never will ,hopefully if Dory does this it might wake her up
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Don’t ever stop fighting this battle for Dory! I was in the same situation with my mother n law. I pushed back! And I would be just as messy as she was to defend my son (like yours, not her biological) it took THREE years to get the message! But I never stopped standing up for him and my husband also had to realize that we are his family and we come as one package. Learn to make this right or he can have his mother! Sorry this hits home… but fck all that! I would take gifts for my baby boy just in case and that would be a strong message to your mother n law! YOU ARE ALL DORY HAS TO STAND UP FOR HIM!
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My husbands side of the family is like this. His excuse is because they are Christian and really into church & I’ve been divorced. Umm i consider myself Christian too, though I’m not in church every time the doors open. He won’t stand up for us, i do. We rarely see them- and we do fight about it on occasion and he throws it in my face. I tell him to take “our” child we share & go visit. I’m not subjecting my two to anymore bs. It has gotten so much worse since his dad passed away. His dad never would have stood for this. 
I understand completely and feel you heartbreak! Prayers for you, mama!
You’re in the right. Husband and mother in law are in the wrong.
I know this is late but just seeing it now. If I were you I would bring a few extra things for Dory just to be on the safe side. It will save her the heartache and you the stress. This is what I would do if you go there in the future. Not sure how old Dory is but it may be time for you to have a conversation with her so she understands the situation. If you’ve been married 13 years and she is not his then she is old enough to have a conversation with. My mother did this with my children too in a way, she would buy big ticket items for my nephew like a Sega and give my two boys a package of Matchbox cars. They were all the same age. They are all 30 now. I have a non biological grandchild and my daughter is no longer with that child’s parent but that doesn’t stop me from giving to him equally as my other 4 grandchildren. His name is even tattooed on my arm with all my other grandchildren.
Tbh… your husband sucks, and so does his mom 
that’s so fucked up. It isn’t your “one and only grandkid” you have two… It’s not like one is going to disappear in the future, they’re siblings ffs
It doesn’t matter if they are step, half or full… children should all be treated the same!!! X
They are definitely both in the wrong. I am a firm believer that DNA isn’t ultimately what makes you family. It boggles my mind that anyone would go out of their way to not want to welcome a child into their life and heart with open arms. Christmas is about giving gifts to those that matter in our lives. Not just those that we share DNA with
I know the feeling. And my kids are biological to my in laws. I cant stand family members who play favorites.
so it Christmas is all about how much presents one gets & not that they got something special from anyone, Great job, The more the merrier, instead of the gratefulness one is even getting something, She, this woman told you from the beginning how it is going to be. So just what the problem is,??? You should be grateful she even gave you daughter one gift. She is old enough to understand this, So what if the grandmother gave your grandson more, he is younger. Again, it isn’t about how much one gets on Christmas, it’s about the thought of giving, If this really bothers you, when you get home, give your daughter a little something extra. And if this still bothers you, don’t go there. I remember on Christmas we spent at my sisters, Her son had about 20-30 gifts, he tore thru them all & they were nice, & then asked, is that all? My kids got about 5-7 gifts; I was a single mother & money was very tight & they appreciated everything they got. That is what it is all about
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I agree with you 
.
There should be no steps, no halves, just love!
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If there is a risk of Dory being heartbroken with unfairness. I would not take the risk at all. Just stay home! Honestly its not going to be worth it!!
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lifes not fair she will survive
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If both aren’t treated the same I’d refuse to let it happen again. It’s already gone on too long
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It’s never ok to play favourites with children. I don’t have any advice but I know how u feel.
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If my husband said that shit, it would be on site. Do not tolerate that shit. Your kids deserves to be treated equally.
I only have one grandchild and she got all the gifts from my daughter’s family her mother in law only seen her about 3 times lives 15 mins from her and last time she seen her she tried starting a fight with the baby in her arms point being some people are toxic if my kids had step children they would bring them to grandma period cause if some did that to my grandbaby I’d have their head.
U are right for fighting for dory…I’m sure they dory and Nemo don’t see each other as diff half sibling…hell no if she do that last Christmas at that woman’s hous
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Is your oldest biological grandparents involved? If they are do they buy presents for your youngest? We had a similar situation and the step child got so much more because his biologic family got him so many gifts. So my parents didn’t feel bad about getting their biological grandkids a few more things. Between the grandparents it kind of evened out, but the step grandchild still got so much more more than the youngest.
I am creeped out by you counting gifts to begin with. I just dont believe his parents would intentionally hurt your oldest for no reason. Could be they’re trying to be fair if your oldest gets gifts from your oldest fathers family.
Does that make sense?
A gift is a gift. Its not an obligation. None of us can judge your situation without knowing the entire story.
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You have a husband problem. Not a MIL problem.
Your MIL is taking her ques from her son. He has not accepted the eldest as his own therefore his mom didn’t either.
Why are you subjecting your child to these ppl allowing him/her to feel inferior.
You encouraged it by accepting those initial gifts thru ups that were unfair. You should have put a stop to it from the start.
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My opinion: Grandma is wrong. Those children should be treated equally. I was Dori, but never treated like I was “less than”. Your husband should handle this, because it is his parent and because he loves your daughter.
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My grandmother played favorites when I was small and my mom told her if she didn’t do the same for all not to do anything at all. Our family stopped going to gramoms house. I would keep my daughter and myself home and do something very special with your daughter by yourself. If Nemo asks why you can explain it to him when he is old enough to understand.
Stay home with Dory. Let hubby go with Nemo. I wouldn’t want my child treated like that
No all children should be treated the same been there and I just stayed away with all my girls and said my door is open if you want to see your grandchildren they choice to stay away their loss
Children should be treated the same, however…does your oldest have a whole other family that gifts him and that he sees separately for bdays and holidays? I have 3 kids, two with first marriage and there are times the older two obviously got more at holidays due to this and you feel badly for the one who doesn’t. Now as a grandmother with grandkids from a blended marriage I see this also. It isn’t about blame, it’s fair to have an honest talk with mil and see if that is where her brain is- I would still never want to see any child not have a gift to open as others do so maybe there is a compromise in there. If she feels this way maybe she could do some one on one things with her blood grandchild while the other is at his dad’s for example-this way neither feels slighted. And if your oldest ever mentions the extra grandma time- you can explain this in the same way, for your child’s feelings. My ex mil treated her biological children and grandchildren the way you’re describing(had favorites) and it was awful, but in this case maybe her heart is in the right place she’s just handling it wrong.
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Sad…please take extra presents for your older child…Don’t mark them other than child’s name. At least only your heart will be broken for the moment.
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You’re not wrong. I was a step kid who was treated differently and even though I’m 33 now, I still remember that pain. Always stand up for your children. If people can’t respect it they don’t need to be in either of your kids Lives.
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Your mother in law is a evil witch and I am so sorry you have to deal with this. Fight for your oldest kid.
NOPE I DON’T play that! When I married my husband I already had a son! Then I had two children by my husband then my sister died and we adopted her son so we have 4 boys. 2 my husbands and 2 not my mother in love is to treat them all the same because they are ALL OUR kids! Sometimes the husbands don’t speak up and it’s not right but see I’m that momma that I don’t give a dam about him not speaking up IM SPEAKING UP! I would let her know exactly how I feel give her the chance to make it right if she doesn’t were out! Meaning won’t be any holidays with my kids then she misses out! I was raised; you take one you take them all when it was me an my brother and sister! No one could ever take just one or buy just one my momma didn’t play that and neither do I
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My MIL did this too she lives in Florida and would send gifts for bio grandson and nothing for the 2 that were mine from 1st. Marriage so we boxed it up and sent it back never happened again we also have extra grandaughter and she was ours the first time she called us grandma and grandpa
You’re absolutely right!
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Just that your husband can’t see the problem is an actual problem…
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I agree. That is wrong. You’re husband has issues too and maybe the MIL is getting it from him. Does he talk highly of Dory? Toward his mother I mean. She may be getting the hint that he doesn’t treat dory as an equal so she isn’t either.
“Step” kids are kids. My sister has two kids and her boyfriend has 2 kids they all live together and have his kids every other weekend and his two kids are treated as a biological part of our family and her two kids are treated as a biological part of his family. That’s how it should be.
He clearly has not accepted oldest as his own Bc if he did a conversation with his mother would be no problem & the unfairness would have been shut down immediately. Don’t take either children & tell her yourself to stop sending presents through the mail too. So toxic & sad for the oldest
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They are children and should be treated the same. They live in the same household.
The child will restain her . mine did.
But my husband told his mom to be fair. Or else. And she did.
Stand up for your child… it tears down their confidence ! It also should not be tolerated by your husband!!!
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They are in the wrong not you
Children should be treated equally. If you can’t buy for one don’t buy for the other simple as that. My 2 oldest grandparents buy for my 2 youngest even though they are not biologically related to them.
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Growing up, I was Dory and my half brother was Nemo. We lived in the same town as his parents. At the time growing up, I considered him my father, he was the only one I ever knew to be my father but now as an adult, I don’t have a father. I refer to him as my mom’s ex husband for many reasons but this is one of them. His son was always treated better. My presents were never wrapped or even under the tree. I usually got some soap and a toothbrush for Christmas and nothing for any other holiday or birthday. The “grandma” would mail packages to other grandkids in another state and ai wouldn’t get anything. All I can say is if Dory figures it out, which I’m sure she will if she hasn’t already because kids are perceptive, your husband will not be seen in the same light as he always has been by Dory if he doesn’t take up for her. I wish you the best momma!
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Your mother in law is ugly…Writing is on the wall
Let your hudband go alone and be with your 2kids on Christmas. Period
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It is so so wrong on every level!!!All the kids should be treated equally . I don’t understand how grandmas especially can do any different. They are hurting the kids. Don’t let her do that anymore!!! Tell her !!!
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His mom has no class you do not treat anyone that way especially a child
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All children bio or not should be treated the same.
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I personally wouldn’t even bring my kids there
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You are absolutely right they should both be treated the same I would blow up if they weren’t right in front of the whole family and then take my kids and leave to go home your husband should be on board with you and tell his mom to be fair or else your all not coming !!! How could you treat a little kid like that it’s horrible !!
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You are right. Keep working at it. I’m 11 years in and favoritism is still happening. My 3 oldest are 15,18,21. They hold alot of resentment. Its hard for them.
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My concern is 13 years married to him. Dory has been in his life. He hasn’t accepted her as his own. Proven by statement let grandmother spoil her only biological grandchild. You are wrong as well for allowing this to happen. You need to speak up for Dory to grandmother
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Take an extra suitcase for Dory… have it packed with gifts… just in case!! Just head off the problem yourself!! This will make the grandma feel like crap if you have to put presents under the tree for Dory! If grandma bought them… great… save them for Easter or birthday!!
It will all work out! Just take care of it yourself and stop stressing! Life is too short to get yourself worked up over that. It is pretty shitty… but something that only grandma can control! I believe hubby should have called his mom… and that should have been done years ago! 
… but water under the bridge!! Merry Christmas!!
Id reach out to her myself, ld let her know of both children aren’t going to be treated equally you won’t be coming.
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From a mom in the same situation (my husband is not my daughters bio dad and we have 3 other kids, 2 are his and 1 is ours so fully blended. His family has never not once played favorites, and have always included my daughter as well as made sure gifts are equal.) I agree that this is total crap. If he’s going to not back you up then he’s also part of the problem. I wouldn’t take my kids anywhere unless I could be sure they’d be treated fairly
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You’re not crazy you’re not paranoid and you’re not wrong.
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Not ok. They are wrong…
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Me and my boyfriend been together almost 3 years now and my boyfriend’s family treats my daughter as their own niece/grandchild. My mom treats my boyfriend’s 2 kids as her grandchildren to. So I don’t get why your mother in law can’t get your daughter something like she does for her son.
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Have the conversation NOW, with her(mil) or you’ll regret it.
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The fact your husband doesn’t feel the same is disgusting they should be treated equally regardless and if she can’t accept it then she needs to stay away and if your husband can’t back up your kid either then I’d be wondering if he is the right one
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They are absolutely wrong. It’s not the child’s fault, and to take Christmas away from them is just evil. I would probably just let the husband go by himself, and stay away from “family” activities until they include everyone equally. I mean, seriously, my MIL knows that my sister and I don’t have a relationship with our own mother, and she even treats my nephew like her own! She’s taken them on vacation with us, she takes him overnight when she takes my kids, and she ALWAYS makes sure he has gifts for birthdays and Christmas. She is a Saint, but if you mil can’t treat your other child fair, and won’t listen to reason, then cut contract
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No your not wrong she should do equal for both kids and your husband should be on your side for this
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Nope you are not wrong. Plain and simple they should be treated the same.
Omg. That is not right and I would not tolerate that at all. Mother in law or not.
Have a conversation with his mother yourself.
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Can’t always rely on a man.
If she doesn’t treat ur kids equally it’s because ur husband has made it ok… And HE should be offended that his mother doesn’t treat his children equally… If he looks at it any differently then y’all shouldn’t be married and he should not be adopting ur oldest… I speak from personal knowledge.
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If your husband doesn’t think she should have to play fair, then it doesn’t seem he’s fully accepted her as his or he’d care more.
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No don’t let that baby feel like that ! Y’all are a package deal and you are absolutely right !
Dory deserves every right as Nemo blood or not that’s what your husband signed up for, so should his family by default!
Merry Christmas 
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All KIDS should be treated the same… I dont care if one of my sons just started dating a girl…and her and her child are coming for Christmas…as long as I have notice… that child will be gifted items the same as my grandchildren…if I don’t have much notice…I will do what I can…but also make them feel included in every aspect of our holiday…kids will remember how they were treated over whst gifts they did and did not receive.
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I would have had the conversation with her by now. Shit I probably would have left him by now too pinball honesty. He should have noticed and he should have cut that shit off in the beginning
Hell tf no and that little boy is gonna realize what she is doing and will resent her for it my brother is my half brother and if any family on my dads side treated him different we dont fuck with them because fuck that he just as part of our family I would refuse to bring either kids around this lady if she can’t treat them equally thats disgusting and I would tell her how gross it is this little game she is playing with the kids they are both your grandchildren you either get that or fuck off
I have two almost 3 biological grandchildren …and many non biological thru marriges to my children’s spouses …they all get the same
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I grew up in family like this. I was stepchild and got treated different. Even asked to step out of getting pictures taking. It does hurt us feelings even when child like me
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Were the gifts equal?
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I would refuse the gifts since the get go. You have to be fair.
No it your kids and as a mother we protect our kids your not asking for very much. He was told from day one you come with a baby he agreed now as like a father would. Just saying if that was me the grandmother was not be doing that to my kids. JS SMH
I have 2 kids from previous relationship and my fiances dad and step mom treat them equally like they do with our 2 kids
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Bring extra presents in case.
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totally agreed, no different then a child being adopted same thing
Package deal…you do equally for all kids or NONE. And of the husband doesnt see an issue with that …throw the husband away…could be considered emotional abuse
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I had similar issues with my MIL, only both children were her son’s!!! She favored her daughter’s children & gav everything to them materially & emotionally. I was giving my almost 3 yr old daughter a bath, when she looked at me with her big eyes & asked “why doesn’t Nanny Eve love me”? That was the last straw. I told my husband if he doesn’t fix it, his mother & his sister will never see the kids again. I will not allow them to hurt my children & just sit & watch it.
By the way, I always brought extra presents for my kids, which I got ridiculed for. You see, my MIL expected my 2 innocent little kids to just sit by & watch their cousins get all the gifts.
She was no cruel.
U wish you luck. It is up to your husband. A few sessions with a marriage counselor might help him see it more clearly. Live to you.
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This makes me so sad!!! My mother in law is not the biological grandmother to my oldest two, but you would NEVER ever know that! She spoils them all the same, and has since day one. It’s absolutely awful that your mother in law isn’t embracing your daughter as her own. It’s selfish and cruel. I wouldn’t spend a single holiday there!!!
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My husband grew up with a step mom. She always claimed to treat all of the kids fairly. She had two with my husbands dad and he had three from another marriage. Long story there… any way I started dating my husband at 14. I saw a lot growing up and spending a lot of time at his house. Two of the sons one hers and one step were definitely treated differently from the rest of the family. Her daughter was definitely the favorite. Fast forward. All kids grown and married and children of their own. My husband and I were told by his step mother and father that they would not be babysitters for our two sons. They never did babysit them and we never asked. They had no problem babysitting for their Own daughters son and step children. No problem sitting for the step daughters girls . Forward more… our kids grown and children . My husbands parents great grand children. We were told the same thing that they would not be babysitting. Never did and never asked. No problem sitting for other great grand kids though. They did not like two of my husbands and my grandkids. And we could tell in their treatment of them. Which eventually got to the point of us breaking off ties with his parents. I will not stand for the way she treated my sons and my grandchildren. My husband agrees. Their loss as for the last six years of my husbands dads life he saw none of us. When he passed yes my husband was heart broken that things were never settled between them but he also felt strongly of our situation. So stand strong on your beliefs. And by the way. We never told our sons to stay away from their grandparents or to keep their kids away. They made the decision themselves.
Sometimes parents make a big deal out of small things. I have 2 kids. My oldest is from a previous relationship (12yo) I have a 2 yr. My 12 yo knows & understands that her & her brother has different fathers & different families. Her father’s family doesn’t include her brother in birthday celebration or Christmas because that’s not their responsibility or family & vice-versa. As long as she isn’t mistreating your oldest then don’t sweat it. Explain to the kid. We live in a crazy world where a few gifts should be the least of our worries
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Buy some back up gifts just in case they are needed for your daughter. If grandma doesnt play fair, call her out and dont return the next time she wants to host an unfair Christmas.
I cant even imagine my family doing this to my step son 
. Id be absolutely livid! Your husband needs to say something.
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Let me tell you something. My mom has excepted EVERY SINGLE ONE OF MY SIBLINGS BONUS CHILDREN AS HER GRANDCHILDREN just as my siblings accepted them as their children… NO MATTER WHAT!
No one is different and that’s how it should ALWAYS be.
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This is a deal breaker for me. 
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Some you had Dori before the relationship of 13 years that tells me she is at least 13-14 she is old enough to understand that step grandma does not feel obligated to give her as much as her biological family. But to be honest I feel step-family especially grand parents aunts and uncles are not obligated to buy gifts for step-children equal to biological family. It is great when the kids are treated equal most people do but should not be made to feel guilty for not feeling connected enough to buy as much for a child that is their family members step child. Dory has grandparents through her father have you included them in her life do you expect them to give both of your kids gifts also? You can talk to your MIL about how you feel but you should be nice about it and if she does notfeel the need to increase effort on your daughter then take a few little extra gifts with you for your daughter.
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Prepare for the worst by taking extra gifts. You can’t control the actions of others but if favouritism is shown on the day, do mention that they are both her grandchildren and treating them the same is your expectation. Short and sweet, but then she knows.
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