You’re relationship has nothing to do with how he parents. Also your complaining about him not contacting 2x daily? Only once or once every two days??? That a pretty good parent seeing he’s not able to see the child, it’s probably hard on him. My child’s father hasn’t contacted her in over 3 years, has never once told her happy birthday, marry Christmas, let alone call 2x in a day. Be happy you aren’t actually dealing with a deadbeat. My child will be 7 in a few weeks, not even 1 happy birthday in 7 years,
Yes you are 100% wrong , let him parent just cause he didn’t wanna pay all our both of your bills doesn’t mean he shouldn’t see his child it means you should’ve helped pay the bills he probably needed assistance from you cause living isn’t cheap. Smh this is ridiculous
U seems like a real asshole, get a job and get off welfare, he probably cut contact bc of you. Sad
You’re realationship… my thing is either the person is all in or not no half way shit. If he wants a realationship with your child then yes he needs to be all in emotionally mentally physically and financially if one parent is struggling then it’s up to the other parent to help I wouldn’t give him an ultimatum but I would def draw boundaries and learn how to co parent. If he doesn’t do anything then ya not cool and I would do the same as you
Does he help support her ? Still try to see her since u have held her away? You are wrong but so is he just both of you in different aspects. My kids dad never call or send support but they will sometimes ask to see them. Yes its wrong and possibly hurting the child but the child will see who does what when they are old nough. Let the child choose how the situation goes.
Legally, yes, you’re wrong. He’s just as much her parent as you are. Meaning, it’s not your place to regulate his interaction. It’s not your place or right. Get a custody order established. You can have calls scheduled into the order. Report when he misses his scheduled visits and/or calls and go from there. If you really have the energy to be so childish.
And just what if it was all turned around?What if you were the mom and had to pay? And the kids were held back from you seeing them? Because for no reason but the courts made it equal.The kids are manipulated by our system and now 38 years and younger ,who’s asking or followed up yearly? Broken. You see this causes problems,and we have people employed who count on our broken .Sick.No accountability for those who disrupt the family .They call that no fault divorce.Fine if there are no children involved.
I can understand your frustration, but whether the support is there or not, and whether he comes around once a week or once a month. He is still her father, and should never be denied that bond. Take a look at your true motivation behind your actions. If it all reflects on your hurt, and not her relationship with her father, then you should change that. Yes there will be disappointments in their relationship, and you feel the need to protect her as you should, but she will grow up one day and she will be able to make up her own mind about her father. Your mistake would be if you make that decision for her now. It may cause a divide in your relationship as she gets older. I wish the best in your situation.
If he cannot act on his word let it go and collect child support.
If there is any way, allow him to keep a close relationship with his daughter. Nothing is more important than that for her. I know your hurt and frustration with his actions, but in the end, you will be glad. I speak from experience. God bless you. Just keep on keepin’ on.
Nope you’re not wrong. Consistency is key for a child and without it comes more hurt. I know from experience.
This is close to my same problem my son’s father never calls or anything maybe once or twice a month n then has the balls to try to take me for custody n then only ended up asking for every other weekend and I said that’s just fine but he needs to be consistent and call our son and have him comfortable enough again to go with him n of course it didn’t matter n he took that first weekend n my son cried n cried n screamed n didn’t wanna go n was like that for the couple times after that and then told me that my ex will leave him there alone my son is 8 and my son said that my ex is allowing his gf to bathe my son a woman he has met only a couple times n obviously he’s not comfortable with that so I declined him his last weekend two weekends ago and told him why and he has not reached out since … But I’m the one wrong rigjtb
My Son 36 and disable and nothing.
If he’s paying his child support and still wants to see her, then the calls shouldn’t be an issue.
Courts don’t even make a parent stay in contact daily. If you can’t co-parent with him then let the court come up with a schedule. Sadly, when parents divorce one parent no longer has daily contact. You have to know though, child support and visitation/custody are separate cases. If he wants to be in her life then let him (unless he is abusive towards her), if you don’t then it could come back to bite you in the end.
U are so wrong and ur motivation is totally selfish. Ur not thinking about the child at all. Children love both parents and it’s not ur right to keep the child from its father because ur hurt. There are plenty of fathers out there that dont care to have anything to do with their kids and urs is calling sometimes twice a day and u think it’s a good idea to keep him away from the child. You shouldn’t even have primary custody. He should because it sounds like he is more concerned with the child instead of getting back at someone for a failed marriage. Again let me say U ARE WRONG ITS NOT UR RIGHT , CHILD IS JUST AS MUCH HIS AS IT IS URS. QUIT ACTING LIKE A SPOILED BRAT THAT DIDN’T GET HER WAY AND START PUTTING UR CHILD FIRST.
My ex calls daily at least once it’s annoying but I deal with it for my kids. But if he stopped for whatever reason but still wanted to take them on weekends I’d absolutely let him. Not calling doesn’t make him a bad dad if he wants to see her he may just not want to deal with you anymore it may hurt or you may have pissed him off. Either way unless he’s hurt her let him be her dad.
Unless you have proof that he is unsafe to be around your daughter, you can’t stop him from seeing his child. That’s your child’s rights not yours. You can’t not add money as part of his inconsistency. Let her make that choice. Is he is toxic then that’s another story but you don’t have any rights to denied her father. Can be backfire someday. Some children will grow up and will chose to live with the other parent. Good luck!
Court Contracts limit to 3 times weekly. So no. I disagree with you.
You are so wrong. Don’t keep the child away from her daddy, and for such a piddly excuse too. You do not get to call the shots just because you left and took her with you. I would be tickled that her daddy wants to spend every weekend with her. Stop being so self righteous.
F him, kids are not free!
I have watched children of friends waiting with back packs for wknd with “dad” more often than not dad is a no show …the untold devestation it does to a child when dad doesn’t keep his word or consistency … psychological damage is huge … children end up messed up develope all kinds of self-esteem issues …you have no obligation to dead beat dad …he has one to your child …if he is gonna mess with your child’s head or heart …kick him to the curb and protect your child’s mental health …I’ll be damned if I will allow some court decide what’s good for my child’s emotional health because of deadbeats “right” yes I won …my kids are grown well adjusted adults cause no lazy man was allowed to play games at their convenience …I hope you read this and it gives you strength… brightest blessings to you and yours 
None of you are reading this post …she said he is inconsistent with the contact
I understand that’s it’s frustrating, but in this instance you have used your child as a pawn in a game of contact.
Life happens, my ex husband doesn’t contact our children every day, but he does have them every other weekend…I would never stop contact for that.
It’s a silly reason, and will actually make you look bad if it went to court…the judge won’t like it
I’m prayers for your family
Unless your daughter is in danger or being told a bunch of lies when she is in his care. Then yes you are in the wrong. Consistency does not have anything to do with seeing her or child support. You can’t force someone to be consistent. At this point it is more about what you want then the child.
Your better off with out him
It hurts but it’s his choice. Nothing you can do
Happens all the time…
Totally wrong to do.
It sucks… I know. I know it’s tougher on you though honey… you don’t want your child to hurt. You will be in our prayers.
Ahh honey. It’s horribly hard, but it happens too often. Stay strong for that sweet boy and just do what’s best for y’all. It’s the guys loss
My ex husband raised my child for 4 years, left one day and never came back.
What pieces of shit.
So sorry for your son.
Sadly you can’t force him to care. If he doesn’t want to step up anymore then screw him. Your sons better off without. Clearly he didn’t really care too much if he can just drop him like that. I’m sorry you’re going through this…
That’s messed up
You deserve better
Run!!! My hubby would never almost 9 years now and he’s lucky to have 2 dads!!!
This is definitely a hard situation and the child is caught in the middle because you weren’t honest about who their father was from the beginning and now his feelings are getting hurt in the process. I would definitely have that conversation with your child because regardless a child deserves to know where and who they came from.
Unfortunately, this happened with my boys, as well. I was married to my second husband for 11 years, and he helped me raise my two boys. When he and I divorced, he completely dumped my boys. He even lied to his family and told them that he still kept in touch with them! So, I know your pain.
Your ex is either trying to hurt you by hurting your son or he was pretending to care in the first place. Both suck, and he should be ashamed of himself!
Hes not much of a man to do that. Have you tried talking to him.
I knew a woman who had 3 children. The first one was her son and his biological father had NEVER been in his life. She met her husband while she was pregnant. That’s the only father all 3 of her children know. When they separated/divorced - this dude went as far as SELLING all the toys he bought the son, the son was 11 at this time. The “dad” would come pick up the girls and not even talk to the son, not answer his calls or text messages. NOTHING.
white baby??? oh my goodness!!! I would be PISSED!!! you and your child is better off without him and his family members.
That is terrible and a crappy way to act but in my mind it shows you his character. Hopefully there will eventually be a better man for both you and your son but if not he doesn’t need someone who doesn’t truly care about him. Your ex’s actions show how he truly feels so I’d just leave it be and let it go. Console your son and help him get through any hurt he has and try to get past it as quickly and with the least amount of pain as possible. Just my opinion good luck to you in your future.
Absolutely not in the wrong but unfortunately there’s not much you can do if the guy doesn’t want to be involved with your other son. Trying to force the guy to be involved may make him walk away from his son too. I’m sure your son is so confused, hurt and doesn’t understand why his “dad” doesn’t want anything to do with him anymore. If the guy doesn’t come around I would try to figure out a kid friendly way of telling him that wasn’t his real dad and about his real dad without being to graphic. Have you talked to the guy about it? Or does he just not care?
Counseling for the child will help but you will have to accept it
that ain’t a man honey. You need to tell his family that. And I would strongly consider making him take you to court for strict child support and strict visitation for his bio son too, because what happens when he meets the next woman? Both your kids are going to be hurt. As for his family? I’d cut them off just like a cancerous growth
It sucks for the child but that is sadly normal. The right person will come along that will think of your kids as his no matter your relationship status but it may be awhile. It takes a special type of person to still be involved with kids that aren’t theirs after a break up.
Sounds like an aweful person. Im so sorry for your child. I would look into thearpy options so your child can cope with this and not have emtional damage from this. Most importantly mamma its not your fault
I dealt with this very thing its crushing n heart breaking his bio dad wasn’t in the picture 
counseling n lots of heart to hearts 
Thats not his kid, u cant get mad about it. U dont get to force a kid on him and get mad when it dont work. Yes he loved the child cuz he was yours when yall were together but you guys arent anymore so you cant expect him to stay in his life.
Sadly you can’t force him to have anything to do with him. Yes it hurts as a Mother to not have one but two walk out of his life but the best you can do is give him all the love in the world. Seems like during relationships the guys are fine “raising a child as their own, call them their child” but when a split happens, most not all give no more shits about that child. Makes it seem like they only did what they did while they was with you. Hugs Momma
I can feel your pain I’m goin through the thing my boy friend of 4 years cheated on my so let him go we have 2 year daughter and because I don’t want to be with him he don’t want to part of his daughter life 
**following. My heart feels your ache. Four years here too and two weeks ago he decided to pack up and move. But only told me when him and the U-haul were 45 minutes away. To be completely transparent I have prayed nonstop for myself and my two kids that we will be healed from any pain. My kids biological father is in prison so this was their Dad. We also need to pray for our ex partner as well as they are hurting too. No one would hurt another person they love if they were not hurting themselves. Be gentle with yourself and Pray Pray Pray. It’s the one thing that has helped me and my kids ‘survive’ this storm. 
My daughter went through the same thing with her ex
One of the hardest lessons in life to learn at such an early age, but if the ex really cared for your kid, he would treat both kids as his own. Obviously he didn’t really care for your kid … and I wouldn’t be surprised if he doesn’t drop out of his own kid’s life after a while. He’ll move on with some new woman … or more than one new woman … and his new gal won’t want to have all the baggage he brings.
All you can do is love your kids. As they grow up, they will know who really cared for them … took care of them, loved them, and most of all, stayed with them.
Hopefully in the future you’ll find a new love … one who is a real man, and who will love and accept your children, and be a good solid role model for them.
My ex husband did this with my son that he treated as his own since birth. He’s 7 now. And it’s been 3 years. My son has a really hard time with it. Cries. Asks me why he’s not good enough but his brother is. It’s tough. But, it does get easier. Good luck
He is a crappy human being who should be sterilized.
Wow. I would never speak to any of them again. I wonder if this was a racial problem for your man and family. Stay away from him so your child doesn’t go through more pain. Good luck
No that’s not ok, but unfortunately it is normal. People don’t think about what it really means to parent a child that isn’t biologically yours. It’s selfish and disgusting. People need to think about what happens if a breakup occurs, and they hardly ever seem to.
You can’t make him keep his promise to your child. You just gotta make sure the kid knows they’re loved and it isn’t their fault.
My heart goes out to all the poor children who had to go through this. You have broken a heart shame on you the child does not deserve this.
That’s not his kid. I completely understand where you are coming from. My step mom was in my life for 10 years, and even now, she’s my ‘mom’ but after her and my dad split up, I held no grudges at the fact she never stayed in touch at first. We aren’t her kids. And this man isn’t your son’s dad. He’s not obligated to stay in touch.
I’m so sorry. The best thing to do is give your son all the love and attention you can. Tell him this man has confused and disappointed you too. Explain to him as best you can about his biological father. Say that it was good to have your ex as long as you did. But now it’s time to give him up. See if you can find another male figure to see him. An uncle, cousin, close neighbor, grandfather, family friend, someone from the Big Brothers/Big Sisters Organization, someone from your church, something like that. He’ll need that, at least for a little while. Counseling may help. Just be there for him. And when your other child is with his father, let that be a special time for you and your son or him and his male role model.
Not trying to be a b!+ch
But you shouldn’t of made it seem like he was the child’s bio father.
You never know people’s true colors until it’s too late, the child had the right to know that, that man wasn’t his bio dad. Because at the end of the day- you never truly know if something like this will ever happen and it DOESNT save or protect anyone’s hearts, but it does make it easier for the child to understand instead of the child being confused and heart broken at the same time.
It’s going to be alot of heartbreak for the both of you. But the conversation needs to happen about who is real father is and how even tho that man was like a father to him- that he’s no longer in yalls life’s.
(Imo dudes a POS)
I wouldn’t tell the 6yr old how abusive he was and etc (not yet atleast. Give it a couple more years) but a 6yr old can understand how being mistreated feels and etc.
So explain why he can’t see his bio father (w/o explaining all the trauma he had put yall thru.)
And then explain how some people aren’t meant to stay in your life forever and some people just want to hurt someone and they don’t care who’s heart they also break in the process (speaking of the current dude)
Unfortunately, this happened to my son that he raised, and our daughter we had together! He came back into our daughters life when she turned 18! Try to do your best to be there for your children bc they will need you❤️
I’m sorry but unforunately he isn’t responsible for your child since you are no longer together and his family doesn’t have to acknowledge your family either. I know that hurts but its a chance you take when you have a child coming into a relationship.
Yup my ex and his family did the same.
Oh goodness…don’t worry momma…it may take two days it may take 50 years. Karma will do her work.
The kids are at NO fault. Just live them as much as u can
Not normal - my husband adopted his step son AFTER he & mom split - he loves that boy as much as our other kids
Unfortunately it probably happens more than you realize they can step up while you are together and then when you separate they’ll go to bat for their blood however your child of previous relationship gets the short end of the stick there isn’t much you can do because if he isn’t his adopted dad he don’t have no legal responsibility to him only his sperm donor does he don’t have to continue treating him like his own sorry to be blunt
You Can’t Make somebody care. You just can’t. He’s a selfish jerk. Move on.
You shouldn’t have allowed your child to ever call this man daddy! Now, look. The boy is suffering from it.
My mom died two years ago and I don’t even talk to my step dad he no longer exists in my eyes he don’t contact me and I don’t contact him and I’ll be 38 and he’s been in my life since I was 4 years old
Poor baby!
You have to tell your son the truth. Love on him and tell him the truth for understanding. He will respect you later for it.
Well… that goes to show you what a piece of crap he was and be thankful he’s gone.
That’s terrible. I’m so sorry, that must break your mama heart.
Explain to your son “Daddy” is angry not at him but because the relationship did not work out, that he is not handling it well so spend time with your son and give it time,kids know more then adults give them credit for but protect him as much as you can
I’m sorry sweetie, but it’s not his kid.He stepped in when you needed it and when yall was over its over.sad as it may be.
Stop lieing to ur 6 year old and tell him the truth
Just another reason why I will never have someone in my kids lives like that. You can’t trust people not to try and break them. I’m so sorry you all are going through that, I wish I could tell you something that would help. Just be his loving mama
I’m sorry your going through this. It’s sad how the kids are the ones to suffer. Maybe it’s in the best interest of your child not not have that negativity around anyways. Keep loving your kids and show them that they don’t have to spread that same hatred they can choose to love and be happy.
Please brace yourself and your kids because you have focused in on 2 men who are losers. Learn to depend on yourself because neither of them will ever really step up and be a good person. Please prioritize your children over loser men like these!
He could possibly be real salty about the break up and is protecting hims… Maybe he assumes that the next dude you’re with will be the step dad to your kids, and therefore he only needs to take care of and focus on his bio kid… I’m not saying it’s right or that it doesn’t cause immense pain for you and both your kids.
Its very important that if your ex is gonna act like “father of the year” with one of your sons but not the other you make sure its done away from your environment and out of view of your other son, disfavored child status is one of the more harmful forms of abuse, its much more harmful than even an absentee parent
Get him into counseling. He’s gonna have tunsof emotions he isnt going to be able manage. It will him so much.
Tell him u and his daddy fought all the time and yall werent happy so u went seperate ways.
It was a packaged deal. That’s really sad. If I have a relationship with a child I’d maintain it. It may be initially too painful so maybe later on but if never then you need to be prepared to deal with that. Reality hurts but it’s imp to live in it.
So, it’s always super great to tell your children the truth, no matter what the age is, period. Always throw in subtle things here and there. It’s not the dudes fault y’all weren’t responsible enough to tell him. On the other hand, I don’t think it’s cool for your ex not to say hi to the kid. That’s not right, but I see where he’s coming from too. It hurts, but it’s reality.
You said his family refers to your son as your “white baby”. There ya have it. Color means everything to some. It was all an act while you were together. At least his children are “black enough” for them. My ex called our son “white boy” from the minute he was born. Treated him very different from our daughter just because of the amount of melatonin that showed up.
Keep your kid he is ignoring from him then. Don’t let him see or talk to him. Get him in counseling. Also when the other kid goes to do stuff with dad, you do special stuff with the one home with you
Girl I’ve been through the exact same thing. You just continue to love your child the way you do and don’t give it a second thought. As long as your child knows he is loved by you it won’t make that much of a difference.
It’s sad but honestly he’s not the child father therefore he doesn’t have to act like it…
Yes its normal . My ex who was a step dad to my older kids for a decade dumped them like hotcakes and only sees our 2 kids together. Not his children not his responsibility. I was honest with my kids from day one. You know he’s not your biological father so he does get to choose whether to see you or not but that choice is a personal decision for him and based on how he needs to deal with our divorce not on anything you did. Then some family support counselling to adress their individual feelings. It was my responsibility to carry my children through this journey because in the end my ex husband had no obligation to stay in touch with my older kids. I used all resources available to get support for my kids to navigate their feelings and they’ve all come through that time amazingly
Nothing you can do other than be there for your son. Think twice about letting him call someone dad next time
Wow he’s a jerk!!Your little boy will be scared from this.
It’s not his kid. So he has no responsibility to be his dad. Do I think it’s right? No. But he’s made it clear what he wants.
I couldn’t do that, I raised my boy from 6months until 3 and a half and fought for 2 years just to get access.
Your story is all over the place….I can’t even understand what your asking you are wrong about
You picked two winners in a row.
Sadly if you decide to get with a man who isn’t the biological father than break majority of them don’t want anything more to do with the child since that child isn’t theirs. Yeah there’s a few that will stay involved but most don’t. You gotta explain to your child on the right level that his brothers dad isn’t his dad then later down the road you tell
Him the truth on why his real father isn’t in the picture. Don’t try forcing him either to be involved in your child’s life either cause it’ll backfire more than you think. I’m sorry you’re going thru this tho and I’m sorry your child is going thru this
This is the problem with having children that has no father then getting in a serious relationship that doesn’t work out you just don’t know if it going to be a forever story. Unfortanatly if it don’t work out you can’t force the person to keep being the father or mother figure.Just like if it don’t work out and the bio parent refuses to allow the ex partner to keep a relationship with that child they were helping raise.Its sad for the child all the way around.I don’t think people are thinking about the what ifs when this relationship gets serious there’s not much conversation before it happens.This guy is messed up and wrong he may not be bio dad but he’s the only dad this kid has and he knew that going into this relationship and to just cut him off over them not being together but still seeing his bio child is even worse.He knew the responsibility of going in it and he should have been an adult about it and talked how things looked now they not together.That child didn’t do anything and now he’s suffering.GRRRR…My advice is to talk to your son be honest with him but use terms that he knows and will understand for his age level.I also advise therapy to help him through this big change and if there is any male figure like and uncle or grandfather anyone that would be will to talk with him on the phone and pick him up for couple hours to have fun just like his brother does I think that would help alot.If there isn’t then find him programs he can do and maybe if he’s got a friend at school get to know the parents and let him have sleep overs when your other son is with his dad and that family
No advice, just want to say I’m sorry momma. It’s not easy but do what fees best and with time he will heal.
Your ex doesn’t sound any better than the first if he could do that. I understand he’s not biologically his father be he stepped up to the plate, it’s not the child’s fault.