I dealt with this very thing its crushing n heart breaking his bio dad wasn’t in the picture 
counseling n lots of heart to hearts 
Thats not his kid, u cant get mad about it. U dont get to force a kid on him and get mad when it dont work. Yes he loved the child cuz he was yours when yall were together but you guys arent anymore so you cant expect him to stay in his life.
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Sadly you can’t force him to have anything to do with him. Yes it hurts as a Mother to not have one but two walk out of his life but the best you can do is give him all the love in the world. Seems like during relationships the guys are fine “raising a child as their own, call them their child” but when a split happens, most not all give no more shits about that child. Makes it seem like they only did what they did while they was with you. Hugs Momma
I can feel your pain I’m goin through the thing my boy friend of 4 years cheated on my so let him go we have 2 year daughter and because I don’t want to be with him he don’t want to part of his daughter life 
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**following. My heart feels your ache. Four years here too and two weeks ago he decided to pack up and move. But only told me when him and the U-haul were 45 minutes away. To be completely transparent I have prayed nonstop for myself and my two kids that we will be healed from any pain. My kids biological father is in prison so this was their Dad. We also need to pray for our ex partner as well as they are hurting too. No one would hurt another person they love if they were not hurting themselves. Be gentle with yourself and Pray Pray Pray. It’s the one thing that has helped me and my kids ‘survive’ this storm. 
My daughter went through the same thing with her ex
One of the hardest lessons in life to learn at such an early age, but if the ex really cared for your kid, he would treat both kids as his own. Obviously he didn’t really care for your kid … and I wouldn’t be surprised if he doesn’t drop out of his own kid’s life after a while. He’ll move on with some new woman … or more than one new woman … and his new gal won’t want to have all the baggage he brings.
All you can do is love your kids. As they grow up, they will know who really cared for them … took care of them, loved them, and most of all, stayed with them.
Hopefully in the future you’ll find a new love … one who is a real man, and who will love and accept your children, and be a good solid role model for them.
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My ex husband did this with my son that he treated as his own since birth. He’s 7 now. And it’s been 3 years. My son has a really hard time with it. Cries. Asks me why he’s not good enough but his brother is. It’s tough. But, it does get easier. Good luck
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He is a crappy human being who should be sterilized.
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Wow. I would never speak to any of them again. I wonder if this was a racial problem for your man and family. Stay away from him so your child doesn’t go through more pain. Good luck
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No that’s not ok, but unfortunately it is normal. People don’t think about what it really means to parent a child that isn’t biologically yours. It’s selfish and disgusting. People need to think about what happens if a breakup occurs, and they hardly ever seem to.
You can’t make him keep his promise to your child. You just gotta make sure the kid knows they’re loved and it isn’t their fault.
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My heart goes out to all the poor children who had to go through this. You have broken a heart shame on you the child does not deserve this.
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That’s not his kid. I completely understand where you are coming from. My step mom was in my life for 10 years, and even now, she’s my ‘mom’ but after her and my dad split up, I held no grudges at the fact she never stayed in touch at first. We aren’t her kids. And this man isn’t your son’s dad. He’s not obligated to stay in touch.
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I’m so sorry. The best thing to do is give your son all the love and attention you can. Tell him this man has confused and disappointed you too. Explain to him as best you can about his biological father. Say that it was good to have your ex as long as you did. But now it’s time to give him up. See if you can find another male figure to see him. An uncle, cousin, close neighbor, grandfather, family friend, someone from the Big Brothers/Big Sisters Organization, someone from your church, something like that. He’ll need that, at least for a little while. Counseling may help. Just be there for him. And when your other child is with his father, let that be a special time for you and your son or him and his male role model.
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Not trying to be a b!+ch
But you shouldn’t of made it seem like he was the child’s bio father.
You never know people’s true colors until it’s too late, the child had the right to know that, that man wasn’t his bio dad. Because at the end of the day- you never truly know if something like this will ever happen and it DOESNT save or protect anyone’s hearts, but it does make it easier for the child to understand instead of the child being confused and heart broken at the same time.
It’s going to be alot of heartbreak for the both of you. But the conversation needs to happen about who is real father is and how even tho that man was like a father to him- that he’s no longer in yalls life’s.
(Imo dudes a POS)
I wouldn’t tell the 6yr old how abusive he was and etc (not yet atleast. Give it a couple more years) but a 6yr old can understand how being mistreated feels and etc.
So explain why he can’t see his bio father (w/o explaining all the trauma he had put yall thru.)
And then explain how some people aren’t meant to stay in your life forever and some people just want to hurt someone and they don’t care who’s heart they also break in the process (speaking of the current dude)
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Unfortunately, this happened to my son that he raised, and our daughter we had together! He came back into our daughters life when she turned 18! Try to do your best to be there for your children bc they will need you❤️
I’m sorry but unforunately he isn’t responsible for your child since you are no longer together and his family doesn’t have to acknowledge your family either. I know that hurts but its a chance you take when you have a child coming into a relationship.
Yup my ex and his family did the same.
Oh goodness…don’t worry momma…it may take two days it may take 50 years. Karma will do her work.
The kids are at NO fault. Just live them as much as u can
Not normal - my husband adopted his step son AFTER he & mom split - he loves that boy as much as our other kids
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Unfortunately it probably happens more than you realize they can step up while you are together and then when you separate they’ll go to bat for their blood however your child of previous relationship gets the short end of the stick there isn’t much you can do because if he isn’t his adopted dad he don’t have no legal responsibility to him only his sperm donor does he don’t have to continue treating him like his own sorry to be blunt
You Can’t Make somebody care. You just can’t. He’s a selfish jerk. Move on.
You shouldn’t have allowed your child to ever call this man daddy! Now, look. The boy is suffering from it.
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My mom died two years ago and I don’t even talk to my step dad he no longer exists in my eyes he don’t contact me and I don’t contact him and I’ll be 38 and he’s been in my life since I was 4 years old
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Poor baby!
You have to tell your son the truth. Love on him and tell him the truth for understanding. He will respect you later for it.
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Well… that goes to show you what a piece of crap he was and be thankful he’s gone.
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That’s terrible. I’m so sorry, that must break your mama heart.
Explain to your son “Daddy” is angry not at him but because the relationship did not work out, that he is not handling it well so spend time with your son and give it time,kids know more then adults give them credit for but protect him as much as you can
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I’m sorry sweetie, but it’s not his kid.He stepped in when you needed it and when yall was over its over.sad as it may be.
Stop lieing to ur 6 year old and tell him the truth
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Just another reason why I will never have someone in my kids lives like that. You can’t trust people not to try and break them. I’m so sorry you all are going through that, I wish I could tell you something that would help. Just be his loving mama
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I’m sorry your going through this. It’s sad how the kids are the ones to suffer. Maybe it’s in the best interest of your child not not have that negativity around anyways. Keep loving your kids and show them that they don’t have to spread that same hatred they can choose to love and be happy.
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Please brace yourself and your kids because you have focused in on 2 men who are losers. Learn to depend on yourself because neither of them will ever really step up and be a good person. Please prioritize your children over loser men like these!
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He could possibly be real salty about the break up and is protecting hims… Maybe he assumes that the next dude you’re with will be the step dad to your kids, and therefore he only needs to take care of and focus on his bio kid… I’m not saying it’s right or that it doesn’t cause immense pain for you and both your kids.
Its very important that if your ex is gonna act like “father of the year” with one of your sons but not the other you make sure its done away from your environment and out of view of your other son, disfavored child status is one of the more harmful forms of abuse, its much more harmful than even an absentee parent
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Get him into counseling. He’s gonna have tunsof emotions he isnt going to be able manage. It will him so much.
Tell him u and his daddy fought all the time and yall werent happy so u went seperate ways.
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It was a packaged deal. That’s really sad. If I have a relationship with a child I’d maintain it. It may be initially too painful so maybe later on but if never then you need to be prepared to deal with that. Reality hurts but it’s imp to live in it.
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So, it’s always super great to tell your children the truth, no matter what the age is, period. Always throw in subtle things here and there. It’s not the dudes fault y’all weren’t responsible enough to tell him. On the other hand, I don’t think it’s cool for your ex not to say hi to the kid. That’s not right, but I see where he’s coming from too. It hurts, but it’s reality.
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You said his family refers to your son as your “white baby”. There ya have it. Color means everything to some. It was all an act while you were together. At least his children are “black enough” for them. My ex called our son “white boy” from the minute he was born. Treated him very different from our daughter just because of the amount of melatonin that showed up.
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Keep your kid he is ignoring from him then. Don’t let him see or talk to him. Get him in counseling. Also when the other kid goes to do stuff with dad, you do special stuff with the one home with you
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Girl I’ve been through the exact same thing. You just continue to love your child the way you do and don’t give it a second thought. As long as your child knows he is loved by you it won’t make that much of a difference.
It’s sad but honestly he’s not the child father therefore he doesn’t have to act like it…
Yes its normal . My ex who was a step dad to my older kids for a decade dumped them like hotcakes and only sees our 2 kids together. Not his children not his responsibility. I was honest with my kids from day one. You know he’s not your biological father so he does get to choose whether to see you or not but that choice is a personal decision for him and based on how he needs to deal with our divorce not on anything you did. Then some family support counselling to adress their individual feelings. It was my responsibility to carry my children through this journey because in the end my ex husband had no obligation to stay in touch with my older kids. I used all resources available to get support for my kids to navigate their feelings and they’ve all come through that time amazingly
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Nothing you can do other than be there for your son. Think twice about letting him call someone dad next time
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Wow he’s a jerk!!Your little boy will be scared from this.
It’s not his kid. So he has no responsibility to be his dad. Do I think it’s right? No. But he’s made it clear what he wants.
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I couldn’t do that, I raised my boy from 6months until 3 and a half and fought for 2 years just to get access.
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Your story is all over the place….I can’t even understand what your asking you are wrong about
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You picked two winners in a row.
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Sadly if you decide to get with a man who isn’t the biological father than break majority of them don’t want anything more to do with the child since that child isn’t theirs. Yeah there’s a few that will stay involved but most don’t. You gotta explain to your child on the right level that his brothers dad isn’t his dad then later down the road you tell
Him the truth on why his real father isn’t in the picture. Don’t try forcing him either to be involved in your child’s life either cause it’ll backfire more than you think. I’m sorry you’re going thru this tho and I’m sorry your child is going thru this
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This is the problem with having children that has no father then getting in a serious relationship that doesn’t work out you just don’t know if it going to be a forever story. Unfortanatly if it don’t work out you can’t force the person to keep being the father or mother figure.Just like if it don’t work out and the bio parent refuses to allow the ex partner to keep a relationship with that child they were helping raise.Its sad for the child all the way around.I don’t think people are thinking about the what ifs when this relationship gets serious there’s not much conversation before it happens.This guy is messed up and wrong he may not be bio dad but he’s the only dad this kid has and he knew that going into this relationship and to just cut him off over them not being together but still seeing his bio child is even worse.He knew the responsibility of going in it and he should have been an adult about it and talked how things looked now they not together.That child didn’t do anything and now he’s suffering.GRRRR…My advice is to talk to your son be honest with him but use terms that he knows and will understand for his age level.I also advise therapy to help him through this big change and if there is any male figure like and uncle or grandfather anyone that would be will to talk with him on the phone and pick him up for couple hours to have fun just like his brother does I think that would help alot.If there isn’t then find him programs he can do and maybe if he’s got a friend at school get to know the parents and let him have sleep overs when your other son is with his dad and that family
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No advice, just want to say I’m sorry momma. It’s not easy but do what fees best and with time he will heal.
Your ex doesn’t sound any better than the first if he could do that. I understand he’s not biologically his father be he stepped up to the plate, it’s not the child’s fault.
It’s not normal. The man is heartless.
Get your son therapy and don’t expect daddy dearest to keep true to his bio son either. He will probably drop him too when he gets a new love or child. The best thing you can do is be prepared.
Not being mean but someone who does this to a child he has been with for that long, has no permanent feelings of any kind.
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Yes that is wrong since he basically raised him and since the kid only knows him as his father. But honestly there isn’t much you can do if he doesn’t want to take him on as his responsibility since he is not his biological father. It just goes to show what type of man you were dating for 4 years.
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Some ppl just suck as human beings.
You’re the one disappointed… he’s not the father anyway.
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You know what… THIS is one of the reasons I stayed single after my divorce. My first son (a teen pregnancy) went through a lot of hurt throughout and after my divorce.
I said NEVER AGAIN, so I just raised my 3 babies by myself 
I just did not want to take the chance and my plate was full with work and school etc…
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wow he sounds awful i’m so sorry he’s dealing with that.
Although you feel he should because he was there from when he was 1 and now he doesn’t. He made it clear and it sucks theirs not much to do or say to him that will change his mind if you already tried speaking with him.
The best thing to do is speak to your son and explain the situation in the long run he will feel some type of way but he will be fine as long as you give him what he needs and support him in sport and school etc.
But if he ever changes his mind don’t be bitter just allow him to go over. And try to always be nice as much as you can. Good luck
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That’s sucks.My grandsons only know their poppy now he hardly has anything to do with them anymore
Please stop needing things from him. You don’t NEED anything from him… you are WANTING… And your making you and you and your child victims…
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Just give him as much attention as you can
Get them both away from him or he will make them as toxic as he is!
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Sadly if you don’t coparernt well for the child you share together and remain on friend type terms, then there is no hope he will maintain a relationship with your child from a previous relationship. If the only reason or purpose to speak to you is about his child and it ensues in arguing or drama, he has no motivation in complicating his life more by continuing a relationship/responsibility to your other child.
My mom was not only my mom she also played dad and stepped up for me and my sister… I can say for a fact i didnt miss out on anything!! She provided, she loved us and she was our best friend… Its gonna be very hard but u are mama bear and u can do this… Fuck that guy for being a POS…
He takes both or he takes none. And if he wants to take me to court for visitation of “his” son, he can also explain to the judge the child abandonment of his other son. I got time today cause nobody is about to treat my babies any differently, for any reason, ever.
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don’t bring anyone else into his life for him to call daddy until you are sure
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Not sure why race was mentioned 
BUT it’s not abnormal to not want to “parent” your ex’s child
Your son is young enough that YOU and YOUR feelings will determine how he reacts and how he adjusts
Be honest about that being his sibling’s father, no need to give details about his besides “he’s not with us” or try and put emphasis on YOUR family (you and both little ones)
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Keep your child away from him he will never treat him right. Get away from this idiot
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No real man would do that to a child. That’s disgusting.
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The fact he chose to raise your son and to be his “dad” and now wants 0 contact is gross. The most disgusting thing about that is his family’s comment about your “white baby” they must have thought like this the whole time and I’d be suprised if he wasn’t aware of it from the beginning. I would be very cautious of him taking your shared son for visitation without a custody agreement because he could just try to keep him til a custody hearing. Also try your hardest to put in the custody agreement that his family or any new female is to not be allowed around your shared son.
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Blending and splitting families is not easy, especially when a new romantic partner enters the mix after a split. You didn’t mention that this was the case, but I suspect it is or he’s thinking about it. Many people are uncomfortable with their SO continuing to care for a child that isn’t legally theirs.
I agree that when you enter into a serious relationship with someone who has a child, it’s a package deal. It’s critical that the child doesn’t see parents come and go. But too often, others fail to put the children first and pressure the ex to end ties. And too often people don’t understand the gravity of getting involved with someone who has a child.
Try emphasizing that this isn’t about you, but about the commitment your now-ex made to your child. It’s unreasonable to expect child support, of course, but why can’t he visit with his brother sometimes? When the older son stays with you, make it a special day somehow.
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I feel like there being racist to your son for the simple fact that they said we loved your white baby instead of them just saying baby
Fair doesn’t equal legal unfortunately. He has no obligation to the non biological child. It hurts so much and the child doesn’t understand so limit contact and do what you can to assure the child is loved. The child is wanted by YOU!!! Just make sure you always let them know. Answer questions as honestly as you can in an age appropriate manor. Love love love conquers all
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Your child is 6……they don’t need to know those kind of details yet nor do they need to hear about adult issues at that age. Just move on. It’ll take awhile, but it will be fine. You can’t control how a grown man acts. Just keep moving forward and don’t turn back.
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I know the pain is so very hard but your child needs a real dad that will love him with all of his heart not just sometimes…
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How about, you come from me, how about, mama made some wrong choices in her life but she got blessed with her kids. This is what I tell mine, 4 of em, 29 years of lies, kids were 9 to 16. Be real with them, tell them not to choose someone beneath them and allow themselves to be disrespected. So they can Learn from your mistakes.
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No adult would play with a child he sound narcissistic
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This happened to my granddaughter…broke her heart…she now abandoment issues @ the age of 9…just be there for ur child 110% is all u can do
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He may not have any legal obligations but his feelings should not have changed for the child just because he isn’t with you anymore. And they say, when break ups happen peoples true colors start to shine through so if he so easily did this to your son, even though it’s heartbreaking, would you really want him around your child to begin with? Feelings don’t stop at the blink of an eye
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I feel for your child, I really do. Usually when people come into a child’s life at that age and raise them as their own, they don’t turn their back. Did he start acting funny towards your son when you 2 had a baby together? Or did he get like this after the breakup? Was the breakup a bad one or a mutual decision? There’s some things missing from this story. The only advice that can give is for you to explain the situation to your son. You don’t have to tell him about the abuse and all of that, at least not at this young age. Or you can take him to a therapist.
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This happened to me, I feel your pain
No person should ever treat a child this way. Consider twice before letting him have contact with your shared biological child.
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Wow, that’s a real piece of 
!! Cut off all contact, you can’t allow him to hurt one of your kids like that… cut him off
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Be a little more choosey when picking your next child father.
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If you can let him go, let him go Somewhere down the line this jerk will do something Way worse than this that will hurt your child much worse . WhT does love your white baby mean? Is your first child white? That makes me so angry for them to say that to you. A child is a child no matter what color they are. Evidently your child
Must love this man who I is leaving. Please get this precious child into therapy as fast as you
You can honey.This child should not have to pay any consequences just because an adult refuses his love.
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Legally he has no obligations, but morally he should 100 percent still be there for that child. My husband was in a long term relationship before me, took on the responsibility of a 3 year and then had two more kids with the woman, the child is now 12 and we still take him every other week when it’s our week with the kids. 
Wouldn’t have it any other way and if something ever happens and my husband and I divorce I expect him to still be there for my son I had before him as well.
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He’s a bitch honestly. At the end of the day the child didn’t deserve it , even if, you, the mom does.
You can’t force him to give a shit… start explaining to the kid now. He won’t really understand until he’s older.
Simply don’t subject your child to those behaviors. Move on. Create a better, healthier life for your child. I don’t understand the confusion.
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God choose u to be your chikds mom, not other way around ad U must protect ad guide him thru life, its best it happens now than later in life, u cant expose ur child to a toxic relationship, u need to protect him, you might be hurting now, but be their for your child ad not run behind the guy, ad pray that God provides you your every need 
Imma get so much shit for saying this but here we go. I am sorry this happened, however, sorry not sorry but nothing is fair in life. It is technically not his child so how he is acting this way towards him shows how he feels. So leave it be, move on! Your children need to learn to adapt to change, you do NOT need to tell them heavy adult problems, you save that for yourself and handle your shit. Word things differently. Instead of woe is me to a child who shouldn’t feel the weight of your relationship in the first place, try “sometimes people aren’t good for each other honey. It’s time to move on and be happy!
It’s not his child regardless if he helped raise it.
I wouldn’t expect my partner to keep taking on my almost 11 year old, even those he’s raised her since she was 18 months old. She’s my daughter not his.
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doesn’t matter if YOU LOVE the kid support that child he our she didn’t ask for this bullshit
That is not a man at all.
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It’s not right for him to do that…
He should raise them both as siblings… .
Its also not right that the biological dad isn’t involved regardless of your accusations unless a court as implemented a no contact… .
Unfortunately you got yourself into abit of a mess. Solution…
What happens when the next man arrives in your life is the new dad going to be discarded…is the new man going to be playing daddy… From a male point of view this does happen on occasions…
You need to sit him down and reassure him that it’s a family seceret that he’s not yours and the child wants you to be dad. And when the next man comes along you won’t ever ever tell him that he’s not the dad…
As far as the world is concerned he as 2 kids… Many many men have stepped up raised kids that aren’t theirs only later been stopped seeing them… Some cruel women ruin it for the genuine ones…
So tread carefully really think about why he doesn’t want to and try your best to offer him the seceret…
Let dad pick his son up away from the house and your older son, so it’s not in his face. Make the time a happy one for just the two of you . Organise nice things to do together so your older son grows up knowing he has a mum that loves him dearly and will always be there for him. He will soon fall into a routine and except the situation and when he older just tell him the truth keep it simple but truthfull but at the same time remind him that he has you and always will. Never bad mouth the stepdad because of your other son. When 2nd son is not with dad use this time as family time and just keep telling your boys they are brothers and you love them very much and keep on telling them everyday until the day comes when they take your love for granted as a given then you know they will grow up happy close to you and each other.its a balancing act . One boy must never feel unloved but at the same time the other boy must never feel guilty for his father’s behaviour. But at the end of the day they both have you. You are their rock.
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My father raised my step sister from 3 weeks to 5.5 yrs. when he left my step mom he dropped her as well men just do not have the capability all the time. There are good men and there are bad men. Teach your child that it is you and them be no matter what it will always be
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Awwww thats awful. Poor little thing, see this is the fugging crap men do. Hope he has a change of heart and realises.
It’s a horrible thing to do… but unfortunately it’s his choice to continue that relationship or not. It’s mean, what he is doing but he isn’t his. My heart goes out to your baby, poor thing!
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