Am I in the wrong?

I agree with ditching him & keeping your best friend for 15 years! Your boyfriend done showed you his true colors by cheating & even though he showed proof at the time he has changed or is gonna change don’t mean it’s gonna stay that way cause evidently he’s just wanting to control you since it’s just over that one best friend. It sounds like to me HES the problem

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Don’t go back to a cheater girl. Best friends are forever and cheating boyfriends aren’t.

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No, you are not the asshole. Your boyfriend is the asshole.

Actually…let me add to my earlier post. Keep the best friend…lose the boyfriend. I forgot you mentioned he cheated on you. Insecure and immature. Move on.

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Drop your boyfriend. He sounds toxic, controlling, manipulative, and insecure

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Your male friend is loyal and your boyfriend is an asshat!

If he had a problem with it, he never should’ve dated a girl in the first place who had a male best friend.

I personally wouldn’t be able to date a guy who had such close girlfriends (probably not the best trait I have, I’ve been cheated on a lot by their “long time best girl friends.”) But I KNOW I’m not okay with it, so I wouldn’t even date someone who had such a close friendship.

In this case, he needs to get over himself. The fact HE cheated on YOU when he kept gaslighting you about your best friend is bullshit. I wouldn’t even take him back.

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Your lucky your friends given you the time of day for how often you cut him off it’s not like you have just met him 15 years to keep cutting him off must be extremely hurtful

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Don’t give up anyone for a man! Period! HE cheated on you! I wouldn’t have let him come back, once a cheater always a cheater! Your best friend may only forgive you so many times!

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His insecure and doesn’t trust you cos his the one cheating and thinks you will do the same

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So he’s blaming you having a male friend for HIS cheating? Tf kinda sense is that supposed to make?

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You are not the asshole x stay strong and don’t get isolated from anyone

He should have gapped long ago. We always feel obligated to ditch our friends! It’s so wrong.

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Boyfriend to the curb…Done!!

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Hell no you’re not!! My best friend is a guy (and my other best friend is his wife) but I was friends with him first and have been friends with him for 15 years. At the very beginning of our relationship my husband thought it was weird but the more he got to know my best friend the more he loved him just as I do. He is more than just a friend to me. He and his wife are my family, I would never allow a man to tell me who I could and couldn’t be friends with to start unless he had a damn good reason for it. Unless your best friend has openly made a move on you or made any romantic feeling known for you I see no reason for his actions

Nope! Sounds like you’re boyfriend has a guilty conscious and protecting on you what he has done. And also like you said cutting out your support system. Be very careful. Today is best friend, tomorrow is the friend that Aaron’s too much, next is the sibling that doesn’t mind their business, then parents because they don’t like him.

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Don’t let him control you like that…

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You are NOT in the wrong. He is insecure and jealous. Leave his butt and keep the best friend.

You’re not the asshole. Keep the best friend

If your best friend has been curbed this many times and still wants to be friends with you, even after the stuff your boyfriend has said and done. Drop the boyfriend. He’s controlling and super manipulative. Plus, HE cheated. Not you. Usually the accuser is the cheater.

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You’re lucky your friend keeps taking you back after you keep letting a toxic bf control you. I honestly wouldn’t have after the second or third time you dropped communication. Either permanently leave your friend alone or grow a pair and stand up to your bf.

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No. It’s not YOUR fault he’s insecure. Cut him loose. He’s manipulating you using your relationship because he’s insecure about your best friend. Next, he’ll be using your child to manipulate you. This is TOXIC AF.

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Bye boyfriend he has to go

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So he made you give up your best friend then had a whole relationship on the side. Did he make you feel crazy? Like it was your fault? He sounds like a complete asshole and (sorry in advance) you are stupid to let him back. He didn’t just get drunk with the guys and have a one night stand cuz you guys were fighting. He had another relationship. Saw the same female over and over. Slept with both of you at the same time. Telling you both what you wanted to hear… so no NTA :roll_eyes:

Boyfriend needs to be dumped

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I say you both are TA. Him for cheating. There was 0 excuse for that. But you because he asked you to not be friends with someone he didn’t feel comfortable being around and you did anyways. But that’s me.

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You deserve better. Id never ever give up my best friend for anyone. You have every right to stand your ground. He’s also a cheater so I wouldnt even bother with him unless it’s got to do with your child.

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I’ve been best friends with my friend Cameron since we were 4,5 years old. If my boyfriend EVER tells me to cut him off, I’m cutting my boyfriend off.

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Your best friend isn’t the issue and you are very lucky he still even wants to be friends with, after all the times you pushed him aside. The only problem with your relationship is your boyfriend and zero trust for you when he’s the one that cheated. Get rid of his tail.

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Hmmm.
15 years vs 7 years.
I know which one I’m choosing…

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You’re not the asshole now but you were at first. :woman_shrugging: he expressed he was uncomfortable and you kept pushing it. Sounds to me neither of you respect the relationship at all! Idc how sorry he was for cheating he had no right to just try and blame it on you, he clearly insecure and it’s not up to you to have to fix it. Do what you feel is best for YOU.

Bang your best friend

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If your male best friend has never overstepped there is absolutely no reason he should act that way. He needs to be put in his place.

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Some of these comments seriously do not pass the vibe check.
No, you aren’t the asshole. Your boyfriend sounds immature, selfish, and like he has only one place in your life as the father of your child/paying support to your child. He sounds absolutely toxic.
Why should you have to give up your best friend of 15+ years because of him? If you and your friend have done nothing to cause suspicion, I see no reason to end the friendship. Especially if (and I do mean if) this friend liked you, and you liked them back, you wouldn’t waste time with your boyfriend, you’d be with them.
Your best friend sounds great, and you’re lucky he still wants to be in your life after pushing him to the side so much and allowing your boyfriend to get in the way of that relationship. I’d be cutting off the boyfriend if they ever wanted me to cut out a friendship of 15+ years.

Your not an asshole cut him loose. He messed up and has issues from. Big sign a guy is seeing someone behind your back is when they want you to stop being friends with someone you known since you were a kid. Don’t give him that power over you, I did that with my ex and in the end lost friends and ended up with a broken shoulder.

Nah he’s a dick. Also together 7 years with a 5 year old and acting like you might be cheating with your friend? He’s too insecure. He’s manipulative. Find someone who will embrace your whole life, not just what suits them.

Hell no you’re not. People who are cheating ALWAYS project like this because their guilty conscience makes them think everyone is a piece of :poop: with no morals like them.

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I would end things with your boyfriend once and for all. He is the one that needs to go.

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I have a guy best friend hes like my brother and i have had relationships where the guy has tried to get me to get rid of him i will always pick my best mate over a guy as i know he will always be their for me and if i cant find a guy who can understand my best mate is here to stay then i guess il stay single.

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Your boyfriend is an insecure little boy and it’s a him problem not a you problem. You’re better off without him! Been with my man for 12 years and not one time has he accused me of doing anything inappropriate with any of my male friends.

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You’re not the a hole. The only reason your boyfriend is so insecure about your male friend is because he’s the one cheating.

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Been there, done that… male best friend and I are still friends and ex is, ex… he’s trying to project his issues on you… your best friend is a threat because he is weak and girls are threats… you’re not in the wrong in any form… kudos for the bestie for sticking with you though, feelings or not… once a cheater, always a cheater, and you’re better off with the best friend than with bf

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Oh frig girl, ditch his sorry ass and hang on to your bestie. Never choose a guy over your best friend, they’ll always be there but boyfriends come and go. I’d have kicked his sorry ass to the curb years ago, look at all the years you lost with your best friend because of that loser.

Sounds like you’re best friend is better looking then your boyfriend and the boyfriend knows it lol :eyes:

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Girl no. He’s an insecure man. Leave him in the dust.

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No you’re not. he knew that you were going to be friends with him with or without him, he is the one that chose to cheat on you f him and his feelings

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Hell no… YOU are not the problem… that is your best friend! And ya know what… with a boyfriend like that IF (and I am not saying it is or isn’t) your best friend did have any of those feelings for you… maybe it isn’t such a bad tjing!

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Keep your best friend in your life. Don’t get back with your ex. Dude cheated on you and is trying to play victim now🤷🏼‍♀️ Your best friend has been around a lot longer.

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Wait a second. Your S/O of 7 years is still just a BOYFRIEND?! If he is so scared and intimidated by the bond you have with your childhood friend, why won’t he put a ring on your finger?

He wants wifey energy, commitment and sacrifice without making you the wifey. Screw that.

Your friend has been there through 15 years and 7 of those have been full of this bullshit drama and he STILL stayed by your side when you needed him and gave you space when you needed.

Your BOYFRIEND will just break up, dissappear or throw a fit when he doesn’t get his way? Nope. Hard pass

I have had this sane issue with my male best friend of 10 years.

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PLUUUUUS…You never cheated. And this boyfriend did. If anyone has commitment issues, it’s him

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You’re not an asshole, he is. I would tell him to get lost and I would never look back. He’s controlling and a cheater.

Young one - a good relationship in built on a foundation with 4 corners- trust, accountability, responsibility and loyalty- this is strengthened through communication. Once any of those are broken it will Never be the same.

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Nah screw that guy sis. Let :clap:t3:him​:clap:t3:go​:clap:t3:

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Nope you’re not, he is

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Let the AH boyfriend go. He’s blaming his infidelity on your best friend liking you and that’s literally how narcissism works. Your boyfriend either trusts you or he doesn’t. It doesn’t matter anyone else’s feelings because if he trusts you he knows you won’t cheat whether someone likes you or not. And anyone who tells you that you can’t have certain friends (unless these friends are actually toxic and dangerous people) is not someone who has your best interest in mind. F him! You deserve better.

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Girl. He cheated. He’s afraid you’re going to do it too girl I wouldn’t take him back. Live your life and do you. He’s insecure and he’s a cheater. And verbally abusive from what it sounds like.

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Umm No ! Your boyfriend needs to grow up. You are not the problem here

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No way! He’s the asshole. Good riddance!

Your boyfriend has and is CHEATING ON YOU! Deflecting. Gaslighting. You don’t need him back. Kick him to the curb!

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Nta. Isolation tactics are abuse

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Umm, full on other relationship cheating… lots of toxic behavior based from unfounded jealousy… blaming your relationship issues on you best friend, when the bf is the actual issue… projecting his nasty behavior on you and your best friend… throwing a fit like a child and taking off when he “DoEsN’t GeT HiS WaY”…

Feels like relationship flag football… collecting ALL of the red flags…

Momma, this isn’t a battle worth fighting or a hill that’s healthy to choose to die on… this is 100% toxic narcissistic manipulation…

You’re not the a hole…

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No, you’re not the asshole at all

You’re not the asshole! He is.
Cutting you off from your support system is a classic sign of abuse and more to follow.
He’s leaving to try and guilt trip you.
Screw him girl!!!

I never would have walked away from my best friend the first time let alone the many times you did, that is your boyfriend’s problem not yours! He’s just turning it around on you and your best friend so he doesn’t look as guilty as he is!!

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He’s deflecting his bad behavior & trying to make you feel like your cheating by having a male best friend. This is isolating & a precursor to abusive behavior-long term. Stay out of this relationship. It’s not going to do anything but hurt you & teach your son that it’s OK to treat a spouse this way.

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Jealousy and insecure and what seems like a guilty conscious

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Sound like he was projecting him cheating on ur close male friend, girl he is gaslighting u.
boot him

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Him saying that about your best friend is insecurities probably down to the fact he’d been cheating on you. Red flags galore

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You definitely aren’t the a hole… I would keep the best friend and at this point, why stay in that relationship? Sounds like he’s projecting his problems on to your best friend.

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Nope. The friend has been around longer than the boyfriend and the boyfriend knew about him when you got together. I personally think he’s projecting onto you. People usually accuse you of doing something they’re actually doing. Like he probably has a female friend he has feelings for or is inappropriate with and is accusing you of it. Run.

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He was most likely cheating that whole time, which is why he got so uncomfortable with you having contact with your best friend. I would reiterate that your friendship with your best friend is non negotiable! If there is a problem with trust, it should be on your end. I don’t think you’re the asshole at all. You remained faithful, even with a best friend of the opposite sex. He did not.

LOL ABSOLUTELY NOT. Let that hypocritical, controlling, narcissistic, abusive POS gooooOoooo

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Controlling behavior So why are you staying?

You’re not the a**hole… your boyfriend is . It seems like he’s stringing you along, no intentions to marry not that I know if you’re going that route. But to also manipulate that you can’t have your best friend. No thanks, he can just stay gone if you can’t have your friend. He says your friend is creating issues… your bf is creating the issues because in his mind, no one is allowed to be your friend. I’ve been there before. This whole double motives sure, and then takes it back … nah, I wouldn’t deal with that. Too much drama and heartache for a mama and her child. Also, the friend will be confused, like yes or no… because they don’t want their time wasted either.

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Girl he’s a narcissist nothing is his fault it seems!

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After all he has done to you, he’s stepping back to re-evaluate your relationship, seriously? After the pain and misery he has caused you, he has to take a step back? Please girl, know your worth and don’t settle for less than you deserve.

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No. You were up front and honest and he’s making excuses as that’s the problem when HE cheated. But it’s his insecurities, his issues he can’t overcome. If my ex would have been up front with me about his ex being his friend I wouldn’t have been so angry about it. Worse of all the ex knew about me, even blocked me on Facebook, I didn’t find out about her until years later when I questioned where he was going in the morning and looked at his phone and found he called her every single morning. I did investigations to figure out who she was and everything I found out online, he never told me anything. He even went on vacations with her while WE were supposed to be together and I was pregnant with HIS children! All found out online because she had pictures of them together with dates. But you didn’t hide anything from your SO. He’s being the A H in my opinion. When I asked him why he said he knew her longer than me and that was his reasoning for lieing and decieving me. So tbh how long you’ve known someone doesn’t mean anything to me. It’s the honesty and communication a couple should have.

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Your baby daddy is toxic

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Sounds like you want your cake n ice cream

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Id hate to be your friend lol.

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So he’s the one with trust issues and then he’s the one who cheats and some how feels your male best friend is the one causing all the issues? There were so many red flags in this story I couldn’t keep up. Get rid of that gaslighting narcissist and move on.

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If you had this best friend before the relationship then your bestie and that friendship comes first because your partner was aware from the beginning! Sounds like you kids father and bf are both being ridiculous and I’m
Sure your bestie has your back! If one had to go let the problem go not your best friend!

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Keep your best friend and toss the ex. I have a male best friend and when my husband met him he was super jealous. I told my husband that I have known my best friend a lot longer than him and if I had to make a choice it would be my best friend. Fast forward 47 yrs. My husband and best friend are friends. As I type this my best friend is in hospice. I made a trip to see him for one last and held his hand and told him ty for being my best friend and that I loved him. My husband told me to go and say goodbye from him too. Never ever should you have to choose and if forced choose your longest relationship you won’t be sorry.

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What gives someone the right to “not allow you to talk to someone” let alone a friend who has literally grown up with you your entire life? I’d say it’s better if you burn that bridge ESPECIALLY since your boyfriend suspects you’re cheating when he outright got caught

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Read out loud what you just wrote. There’s your answer.

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Nope. The boyfriend is the problem. Keep your best friend.

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You are correct stay with your gut feeling

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Your boyfriend is making excuses for his behavior. The boyfriend is wrong . No one should expect a person to walk away from the only good thing in their life

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People who cheat have problems with trust . Because he cheated on you he has it in his mind that you will cheat on him . It his problem not yours .

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Have you ever dated him or had a sexual relations.if no than tell your boyfriend to get over it …the only reason why he made you kick him out of your life to begin with is because he was the one that was unfaithful and broke your trust

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You are not being an a$$ho$e. You should keep your best friend in your life. Cheaters don’t change.

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Don’t lose your friendship over this.

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You’re NTA. These are all him problems not you problems. He’s obviously been projecting given the fact that he had an entire other relationship. You’re absolutely in the right at this point.

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You guys should have a talk about boundaries. If he is making it clear that it bugs him, you should acknowledge his feelings. If my man rose that concern, without a doubt i would respect it and let the friend know that its crossing a boundary within the relationship.

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Oh heck no! You were open and honest and up front. (As you should be in a relationship) If he can’t deal with it (because he’s so insecure) kick him to the curb! Sounds like your best friend is a keeper though! Always been there for you, when allowed to be. Best friends are hard to come by. Whether male or female, don’t toss them aside for any man! And btw, if you and your man have been together for so long, why hasn’t he married you? Your preference? Or his?

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I don’t think you are the asshole. However, I also feel like this isn’t just a one-sided situation. My first thought when I was reading was that your boyfriend seems to be uncomfortable with your male friend after a while. For one reason or another, he started to feel uncomfortable for a reason after you guys all hanging out often for a bit of time. How does your friend act around you? How do you and your friend both act around each other? What’s your body language, verbalization, etc like? My next thought is that you knew exactly how your boyfriend felt about your friend but still proceeded to have him come visit you when your boyfriend was at work. That would make me feel uncomfortable and feel as if though I was disrespected if my boyfriend did that to me behind my back. Springing forward to the party, I think even though he “agreed” that he was over it - it is clear that he still felt a certain way about your friend.

Now moving onto your boyfriend. His cheating was/is absolutely not okay. There is absolutely no excuse or even good reason behind his cheating. Your friend didn’t sit here and tell him to go cheat on you. Your boyfriend is a grown man and makes his own choices. He sounds uncomfortable, insecure, and jealous when it comes to your friend.

You have already made up your mind that no matter whether you and your boyfriend get back together or not, you will not stop contact with your friend. It sounds like he will always be uncomfortable with your friendship with your friend - and I think the fact that you disrespected and went behind his back the one time your friend was over when your boyfriend was at work may cause him to be concerned with your friendship. Then adding in your boyfriends cheating - I would just be done with the relationship for good and learn to coparent successfully for the sake of your son :blue_heart:

He’s projecting because he’a stepping out on you. Trust your instincts.

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Get rid of the boyfriend.

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Nope you’re not an asshole. Stand strong and keep your bestie beside you , he’s a true best friend if he’s still around! Best of luck honey :sparkling_heart: