The debate- My husband says that when a grandma buys a grandchild clothing as a gift, it’s because they expect to see that child in the clothing that they bought! I think that when you buy a child a “gift”, it is supposed to be from the kindness of your heart, not with strings attached. Or if there’s strings attached, I wish I had been made aware of those strings when the gift was given. Grandma no longer buys my daughter clothing and if she does buy her clothing, she keeps the clothing at her own house and when my daughter spends overnights there (very rare) she will put my daughter in the clothes she bought instead of anything that I packed for her so that she can see her in the clothing that she bought. I have no problem with that. I am a first time mom and never knew that when grandparents “gift” a child clothing, it is with the expectation of seeing them in the clothing and that it’s not ok to return things to the store for something my child needs?? Also, if we visit grandma and I dress my daughter in an outfit that my parents (daughter’s other grandmother) bought for her, grandma (husband’s mother) has a fit! This has gone on for years ever since our daughter was a baby. This behavior has destroyed my relationship with my mother in law and she has called me a nasty person numerous times over the years. My husband always sides with his mother and I’m always made out to be the bad guy. Please help! What do I do to fix my relationship with my mother in law? I feel as though I can’t talk to her and when I try to fix things, it makes things worse. Is my way of thinking about what a “gift” is wrong? I’d love to hear opinions from other grandmas that buy clothing or things for their grandchildren and what their expectations are.
Dress your child how you want. I’m a grandma and don’t expect my grandchildren to be dressed in what I buy.
I hate when people buy my kids clothes. For one if they are impractical or not their style most kids will refuse to wear them. So they wasted their money. My daughter is a teen and I have told MIL to not buy her clothes cause she will not wear them. Very picky once they get to that age.
Your child is still young so you can prob get her to wear them.
What I would do is take pictures in the outfits and send them over. When we went over there I would put her in that fancy azz impractical dress and tell her to go play outside … don’t let them bother you.
Also your husband needs to have your back when they disrespect you. I find that the worse offense of the 2.
But mostly don’t let them bother you … you can’t control others but you can control your response… they want a negative reaction… don’t he I’ve that too them.
When they say she never wears it … say “well I sent you a picture. She loves to sleep in that fancy dress!” Hahaha
Learn the art of polite comebacks and smile away.
Being from the South … it’s an art form. Who can be the most shady through polite responses.
Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. Am I obligated to dress my daughter in clothes given by grandma? - Mamas Uncut
No it’s not a must. That would be traumatizing. she should give a gift card or something
I try to take pictures of my little ones in clothes that are gifted to them and send those photos to the person who gave them
Tell her she should be happy seeing the grandchild and making memories, clothes aren’t important the child won’t remember them when she’s grown and he grandma is gone 
What I would be concerned about is your husband siding with his mother. Wives aren’t supposed to have to compete with mothers. And he should be putting her in her place. I wouldn’t put up with that.
I’m here to tell you I’m petty Betty if I don’t like it it’s not going on my kids… half the time the clothes I get from my kids father side looks like it’s used or comes from the sal Val and it’s a mess . I’m one for hand me downs but not if they are a mess and to small or big ha I don’t think she should expect anything from you other than visits. Tell her stop buying clothes if it’s a big ordeal.
As a grandma that buys all my grandchildren clothes, the parents can feel free to exchange them and buy anything that they may need.
You’re not obligated to do what other tell you when it comes to your child. If they want to see her in those clothes, they can keep it at their house and dress her in it and take a picture.
Kids grow so fast that half the time the clothes don’t fit in the right season. I always ask that if they plan to buy clothes to check with me on sizes and if there is anything she needs more then other things because she tends to wear things that she likes often so if they want to see her in it, check in with me. Otherwise, thank you for the gift but we had to exchange it.
That’s too much. I dress my kids in whatever o want regardless of who buys it. I don’t make a point t dress them in said clothing for the buyer to see. & if u have to return something bc she needs it, don’t feel bad. I always people when my kids NEED around bday/Christmas not a WANT
I grew up with my grandma always buying me clothes when I was younger. She never required that she see me wear them in return for the gift. I’ve never even heard of this being an issue for anyone else either. Seems like grandma just wants to feel like she has power and control over the family, but fails to see the rift it’s causing in the family. You’re not doing anything wrong, this grandma is just being overbearing, controlling, and quite frankly, disrespectful as heck.
My husbands grandma buys my kids clothes but always asks what they NEED in clothing instead of just buying. There shouldn’t be an obligation attached to gifts.
First of all… What mom had time to keep track of who bought what clothes. Grandma needs to get over it.
I personally see both sides… I of course dont think anyone should do anything they dont want to but out of respect even once it is nice to show the grandparents the grandkids in those clothes … or as you said regarding swapping them for something more appropriate… I would have just said these arent appropriate etc etc we appreciate the gift but is it ok if swap it for something such as pjs that she needs as I personally wouldnt put my daughter in these and rather see your money go to waste on me pretending to put her in them or only the once can I swap it for something that will be used more often xx
I get her wanting to see the child in the stuff she bought but I agree it’s something that should have been said ahead of time. But I don’t see why she would be mad you exchanged clothing for something the child needed. I’d get it if you exchanged the one dress for another dress but you literally just got what your child needed at the time and so for remarks to be made is beyond ridiculous. I would maybe try to talk to her about it and hopefully she will see it wasn’t with ill intentions
I think grandma needs to pick her battles… She making an issue where there isn’t one… Let her argue with herself about… Lol
A gift is a gift without strings. Sounds like manipulation to me
No they are both wrong. She had her kids already so she doesnt get a say in this. Her role is to love and spoil that baby. Your husband now, he needs to tell his mom that she is only a grandma to y’alls child and you both as parents appreciate everything she has done and bought, but y’all do not have to do anything y’all dont want to and to understand she has other relatives that buy her clothing and such also.
I understand you returning the dresses for something she needed. That need should have been expressed when giving the child’s new sizes. That’s what my mom always did with my grandparents. Told them they could get me anything they liked but I needed xyz. There is no right or wrong answer to this but remember life is short and grandparents are not around forever.
I’m not a grandma but my mother is and my mom always buys my kids clothes always but she always gives me the receipts and she always tells me that if they don’t like them or they don’t fit I can return them to get something they do like or something that fits. I always send my kids to their grandma’s and the clothes she bought whether they were returned and put in something new either way they were still from my mother. I don’t think any child is obligated to wear any kind of clothing that is bought by a family member. Every child has a different taste for all your mother-in-law could have known your daughter could have hated dresses you know what I’m saying I know mine sure does and my mom learned early on. I think Grandma should understand that gifts are from gifts from Grandma and those gifts are able to be returned or exchanged for something the kids like in case grandma was wrong in this case. If your grandma wanted to make something that they didn’t want returns crochet or knit it just like other grandma’s do. Other than that I think your mother-in-law needs to hold off on the snide remarks and understand that even though the dresses weren’t worn that money that were spent on the dress is still went to close that would fit your child and would still wear around your mother-in-law.
I take my grandsons (8) & (6) with me, 5 times a year, season changing and back to school they can pick what they want and like. I believe that allowing the kids to be able to decide by themselves is a good foundation for the future and gives them a sense of self esteem. Is their choice to make not mine.
Besides we have a great time and memories that they will always remember 
Your not obligated to do anything. But did u really had to return the dresses for pjs…
I would take pictures of her at grandma’s house with grandma, wearing whatever she buys her.
Proof is in the pudding!
You not obligated at all, infant I think that she should ask what your daughters need. My mam used to ask, so did my in laws
There shouldnt be any obligation there first and foremost. Furthermore, your husband need to cut the umbilical cord with his mom and should be taking up for you instead of making you feel guilty.
Oh you poor thing. Grandparents have bought our boys clothes and I have never been expected to put them on when they are around. That is ridiculous that it is an expectation of you. Gift giving should not come with terms and conditions.
And you husband not backing you up is not cool.
Buy her “ugly” or out of her normal shirts/sweaters. See if she gives same efforts 
No, you don’t have to appease old traditions as these. Children grow fast, I wouldn’t give it much fuss. And only 2, there shouldn’t be such issue. And I would’ve done same thing, exchange something that was needed… as most likely those two would had stayed in closet and child outgrows it before usage… Sounds like there may be other feelings attached(example: in law differences)
And I agree, husband should’ve had your back and explained it to his mother.
Grandma don’t like you and she’s using this situation as an excuse to be nasty towards you. Also your husband ain’t sh!t for not sticking up for you
You and the hubby need to sit down and talk about this because it’s boundaries and she may get to the point where she over steps them
Did the Grandmother only have sons? If so maybe she is trying to enjoy the experience (pretty frilly dresses) of having a girl? It sounds like there are deeper issues than the actual outfits.
Ummm wtf. My parents buy my girls clothes often and they almost never see them in them.
No the;gesture is nice of. Dressing her;grand daughter up but also. Unfair not;asking if she needs other clothing like pajamas. Otherwise a;gift card is a better option.
You don’t need to fix a damn thing your husband and his mom need to work on themselves
A gift, is just that, a gift. IF there are strings attached, it has turned into a carrot.
Unfortunately, your husband does not have your back. I nor my daughter would not attend functions where I was talked about inappropriately or I would defend myself.
Children are watching, please teach her the right way to handle this. Stand up for yourself.
I always put the clothes on them and take photos and randomly post them. That way they are “seen” in the outfit. No one has ever expected me to do that I just do so the person who bought it knows hey they at least wore it once.
Dress her in the clothes. Take some pictures and let grandma see that. If the price tags are still on, return the clothes and buy what the kid needs.
Sorry but grandma sounds like a spoiled child trying to get their way. My family actually asks what the child needs, if they could get it they would and if not they would give gift cards or even just cash. But there shouldn’t be any strings attached. When i was a child my parents were not together so i would spend weekends at my grandparents houses, my dad’s side would buy clothes and jewelry that i couldn’t take home and as i got older it made me feel bad and confused. Because i just couldn’t understand why “my” material things couldn’t be worn home or to school. JMO! GOOD LUCK!!
sounds like a titty man of a husband and a wench of a MIl
tbh I can’t stand people assuming I’d do anything for my kids that I didn’t decide. second gifts are that gifts. if they don’t like it they can stop wasting thier money. I personally won’t put clothes I don’t like on my kids. and thank GOD I have boys cuz I don’t do expensive kids clothes for them to get dirty and ruin it.
my house, my kids, my rules! 
don’t like it the doors right there and I’m pretty sure no one was invited over anyway 
A gift is not supposed to be something one “needs.” Frankly, I think it’s rude to return a pretty dress for pajamas. I would consider the enjoyment Grandma would have to see the child in her gift is not so much an expectation but a kindness you could show the Grandmother.
I buy stuff for my granddaughter but usually ask what is she short of? Then get whatever it is she needs and i dont expect to see her in them if i do its a bonusnif i dont i understand she wears them as needed xx
It’s easier to buy what the child needs instead of getting upset over clothing she’s gonna outgrow anyway
I dont know how u can fix it sounds like she has more of an issue with u and using the clothes as a way of being rude and petty towards you. Sorry u r going through this. And why has you husband not stepped in and addressed his mom on how she treats you and talks to u. But my advise to you is if she does ever buy her clothes and sends them with u again, put the clothes on her take some pics of ger playing a little bit and send them to her she will never know that the child only wore them for 30 mins
I think you’re wrong and your husband is right. Grandma probably wanted to see the little girl in a pre-holiday dress. Maybe you should have took a picture of her in the dress in front of the Christmas tree. She could’ve worn it for about 10 minutes. I have never took back clothing that somebody bought my child. If they bought my child something and it didn’t fit I just passed it on to someone else.
I understand about your child not having pajamas but taking back a dress but as a gift just to buy those pajamas it’s not right in my eyes. I would have let the grandparents know that baby girl need some pajamas because most grandparents would love to buy pajamas! Keeping an open line of communication of your child’s needs is one way to avoid these types of problems.
Once a gift is passed off to you, it is yours to do with as you please. Resell, exchange, trash, return - all your call. She’s being a dick.
Off topic but my mom but my kids stuff and I let them wear it. Months later she’ll say their outfit is cute and ask who bought it. I’ll say you did. “She doesn’t remember what she buy them half the time.
Sounds like you have shitty in laws but ok
She is being very childish and you have no obligation to make her feel good. I buy my 9 grandkids clothes and I tell them if they don’t fit or like them to return them and get what they want/ need. Your husband needs a good talking to!
If something is not going on, DO not let some selfish and manipulating people control you, stand up for yourself, also you are your child example, be strong for you and your child
I would never return something that was gifted to my daughter. That’s absolute rudeness. Why couldn’t U just keep the dresses and buy the pyjamas yourself?!
And another thing if your husband has an issue or sides with his mom on it why doesnt he say something at home before going to grandmas . Why doesn’t he say hey how about putting on this outfit that mom bought or something. You need to address issues with your husband also. He is setting you up . Smh im praying for you
I buy my grandkids clothes especially if I walk into a store and find a sale I may go overboard, but I also ask their mother (my daughter) what clothing item the kids need and buy accordingly. If I buy an article of clothing for a special occasion Easter, Christmas etc I love seeing them in it or receiving a picture of them wearing it but it’s not expected. I think your biggest issue is your husband not discussing with his mother her behaviors towards his wife. Fix it now before it gets worse.
As a grandmother I observe the clothes they wear and notice what they need first. I don’t buy then clothes for me because I’m not the one who’s wearing them. They are…your husband mother have a good heart but she should have ask you first on what to buy your daughter. So my opinion just talk to her and tell her what your daughter wear not what you (the grandmother) assume she wears or what you normally buys her. If the grandmother takes it the way then you know she got controlling issues. So don’t feel guilty for not allowing your daughter wear what she brought. You are the mother and that’s your daughter! As for your husband what does he truly know what little girls like. Just leave his opinion on the back porch and close the door and go on with your day…
Darlin, it sounds like she likes to be bitter about something. Like an incessant need to find things to pick away at you for… you protect your peace. Stop going. Husband has a problem, tell him to go live with her then your daughter can wear her clothes every other weekend. Bc that’s what the custody agreement will permit. Don’t live in misery bc of someone else’s. Never. 
Yeah grandparents really wanna see their grand babies in those clothes. It’s true. I always put on the clothes grandmom gets and honesty. I get that the dresses were more fancy, but why not just take her to grandmas house fancy? It doesn’t cost us anything to make grandparents happy I would not have returned those dresses if I were you. Grandparents aren’t raising our kids, they’re enjoying them. That’s why they do what they do. And we should let them. After all, they won’t be here for as long as we will.
It’s a law that you put your kids in clothes bought by grandmas. 
I wish I had stupid problems like this.
I feel your pain. I lived this for years with my husband’s mother. It is expected in my culture that if grandma’s, aunt’s etc buy clothing for a child that a point is made for the child to be dressed in that clothes when visiting the person who gifted it to them. I personally never believed in that. My child, and until the age of 18 ( which he is now 20) he wore what I selected or at times I would give him a choice of selecting from 2 outfits. Most of the clothing his grandmother would gift him was awful, I would fold it place it in a draw and when time came to clean up and donate they were the first in the donation bag. My husband would say something just like yours and my response, advice her to buy our child clothing that I ( YES I) will approve or find decent enough for him to step out of the house with. Her 2nd choice is to please not buy him any clothes at all since she has horrible taste. I have always been clear and direct. Your not obligated to have your daughter wear anything anyone gifts her regardless of it being grandma or not. You made a choice of exchanging useless dresses she probably would never have worn for something she needed and if she can’t understand that nor your husband, that is there problem. Your relationship with her will never be the same I will assure you of that, there is no fixing that. To this day I do not visit my husband’s mother ( there’s no need to really) nor does she step foot near my home. Your husband needs to grow up set boundaries stop being a momma’s boy cut the damn umbilical cord and let his mother know that she owes you respect, she needs to stop with the extra unnecessary comments, respect you as his wife, because wether she likes it or not she has moved to the bottom of his list and you and your daughter are first, second, third, and she is let me see if I have the time. When she understands that, and it comes from his mouth she will back off.
My mother in law knitted cardigans for my daughter when she was born. I didn’t like the cardigans but would make a point of putting them on my daughter just so I could get a picture, but then it would soon come off…simply because they weren’t to my taste.
My mother in law has never been funny with me about these things.
It sounds to me like your mother in law is quite narcissistic. Personally I’d just avoid her. I’d also have a word with your husband and quite possibly give him an ultimatum.
My mum buys all my kids clothes (she works at Next and gets a big discount). We also have the same style of clothes for my kids and always like them to look nice.
Girl screw the old hag! He needs to move back in with his mother! I’m not kissing nobody a** and I’d be glad she ain’t buying my daughter no ugly distasteful sh*t. I’d stop visiting too. Send that fool to visit the wicked witch of the west on his own. Some of you women have no damn back bone.
I do believe returning the gift was wrong. If your daughter needed pajamas that should have been purchased by you. With that being said I also feel she is a bit controlling but just to keep the peace i would put on the dresses even if it’s for 5 minutes just for pics and make sure you sent them to her.
I buy my grandkids clothes I don’t expect to see them wear it my mum gives me clothes for my kids and doesn’t expect it but when my partners mum sends my kids clothes he makes it a point of putting them on them to send pics to his mum I can’t stand grandparents that think they are entitled I’d just send her pics of the kids wearing them and put them in clothes that you bought
This is a tough one. My mother would buy my daughter’s clothes.
Me… Boy I need to buy Jasmine some t shirts.
Mom… Watch the mail a package is coming.
It wasn’t just t-shirt.
When my mother passed, I really didn’t know what size my daughter wore.
Pick your battles. Put the outfits on and take pictures. My daughter would be the best dressed child going to Grandma’s house.
I would have done the same thing if my daughter need pj’s and the dress’s we’re to fancy for her to wear to see grandma. U got what your daughter needed. My mom would have understood and would not have gotten mad. And she always asks what my kids need before buying anything.
You wrong for returning the clothes . You could’ve just bought the pjs with your money . The dresses were a gift from her grandma . But everything else you’re totally right even seems like you’re going a extra mile to make sure she see’s your daughter in the dresses she should appreciate that . 
I’d return all the clothes she purchased and set a boundary. If you are not buying gifts to just be kind then you can shove em up your rump and deep throat your expectations. I would also return the husband or boyfriend or whatever. He can also go back to his mommy.
You’re not obligated to do anything. My kids wear what i put on them ( 3 year old and 3 month old) if the clothes im putting on them at the time is from grandma, great. If not, whocares.
Absolutely somebody buys you a gift it’s a gift for your child not for you to return it buy pyjamas…
You know what, life’s too short, if all it takes to make grandma happy is to wear the clothes when you visit, then surely that’s a great thing you are doing for your mother in law?
First of all it’s silly for grandma to purchase fancy clothes for a small child. If she wants your daughter to wear clothes like that she can keep them at her house and dress her in them. Pjs are a necessity and if your going to gift clothes it should be based in that or something the child likes. This is a child not a baby doll. I am always thankful when my mother in law or my mom get clothes for my daughter, but they also ask regularly what she needs and what size she is. I don’t understand these grandmas who can’t work with parents and turn every little thing into a drama.
That woman knows no boundaries and is a little narcissistic and your husband 
needs to be on your side with this situation. You need to put your foot down with this one and if she is upset that’s a her problem not a you problem.
Those items were gifts, they belong to you once received. I dont see the need for the child to wear the gifts whenever visiting the grandma. Dont gift me anything based on conditions, you could keep them if thats the case. Grandma and husband are going over board here.
Realistically how many outfits do your kids own could you even remember what came from who because I sure in the hell couldn’t. Sounds like the grandma needs to get a life
I would not have returned the dress. I would have had her wear it over to gmas. What harm could it do? U would make gmas day and gma won’t be around forever.
I buy my grandkids clothes all the time. I usually ask what they need first, but if they need something else please return it and do whatever, I do what I do for the kids. I love to see them in anything. Priorities grandma!!!
Just tell her straight up that if she’s going to buy clothes, then she needs to make sure that they are practical or something she needs. If not, it probably won’t be worn or it’ll get messed up if it’s nicer. If she wants to buy nice dresses for certain occasions, then your daughter will not wear them as everyday cloths.
Your husband can help by suggesting to his mom to call and ask her granddaughter’s size and what she needs. Also, as she gets older clothes will not be a good idea because kids like to pick clothes they like and not the taste in clothing from grandma. As a grandmother myself l make it a point to ask for suggestions or l just buy a gift card and put it inside a birthday card. Gifts are not entitlements. The problem is not you but that grandmother with the control Issues. Read all that was written here to your husband so he can understand how this is hurting your relationship with his mom. Blessings to you.
Gifts are just that. Gifts. After given the recipient can do whatever they please with it. She’s worn some and you used the others to get her stuff she actually needed. (It really doesn’t matter what you chose to do. But the point is it was still used for your daughter). I think this being thrown in your face is toxic behavior and is absolutely unnecessary and unacceptable. I would talk about it and place boundaries. If the behavior continued then they chose the consequences…whatever you decide those are for both your husband and grandmother. Once a “gift” had stipulations…it then becomes a weapon of control…and its not okay.
Gma should be asking what grandchildren need.
My daughter’s father n law…Is like a woman…he buys so much. I mean absolutely everything…that the kids never need anything…I was pissed at first… now the twin boys aren’t interested in clothes.
I buy my grandsons clothes just because I want to doesn’t mean my daughter has to dress them in them every time I see them they can wear them whenever they like
My x daughter in law her wife made the kids watch the wife cut them up and throw them away!!JUST BECAUSE GRAND MA GAVE THEM TO THE EVERY SINCE THE KIDS ARE SO SCARED TO TAKE ANYTHING HOME !!!A CRUSHED GRANDMA!!
I’m not going to make my kid wear anything just to appease someone else, that’s very controlling and sends the wrong message to a child. No child should ever wear anything to appease anyone. I really think people need to look at that as a form of grooming. I wouldn’t want my kids growing up thinking they have to do things for other people. Plus what if the dresses aren’t what the kid likes? I think the real question here is did your husband know you were going to do it and said it was ok until confronted by his mom? Boundaries need to be put in place. I feel like every mother in law tries some form of this to see what she can control still because she can’t think of her son as anything but a little boy.
The biggest problem here is your husband never taking your side. Returning the clothing for the pjs was probably a bad idea and didn’t help the situation.
Well I buy baby clothes for ppl I never see anymore and I get what the grandma is saying … But it’s fabric! Y’all really gonna let fabric come between you’re relationship?? Hubby, you gonna side with your mommy tho?? You need to back your wife up! #pettymuch
she’s your kid, dress her in whatever you want to dress her in. if your mother in law wants to play dress up with her, she can buy dresses for when she’s AT her house.
Okay so I’m a mom of three. My husband’s mom my mil is always over buying and usually the WRONG SIZES AND SEASONS… so for all birthdays and Christmas when people ask what the kids want or need I am specific with sizing and if they need summer or winter clothing… I come from a family who just loves to get the kids something… like one Uncle LOVES to buy the kids toys not clothing or money so I make sure to send them toy recommendations every year! But my kids are 6,4,1 they primarily dress themselves besides the little one… there should NEVER be strings attached to gifts and if so shame on those people who do that…
I cant believe what I’m reading. A gift is a gift. It shouldn’t have to be worn when you visit so basically when they say she wears it. And I would have absolutely returned them if they didn’t fit or even if me and daughter didn’t like them and as for your husband not taking your side. That is not on!
This is not the norm at all. Shes your child and you dress her in them if you want to and if you don’t thats your decision x
I prob would have asked the grandma if it was ok to exchange the dresses for Pajamas as that’s what she needed. I would also ask gma if she could run past you first what she wanted to buy your daughter so you can advise her whether she needs more of them or if there is something else that’s needed more. She can buy them to her liking. Eg colour etc
Returning them was really rude . I would personally never buy for that child again . Put the dress on the child and let grandma have her moment 
If your child needed pjs then YOU ABUY HER PJS
Grandma just wants to control and because you stepped out of “the box” probably would not matter if it was about kids or not You would still be the bad guy
My mother in law buys my kids clothes all the time speically if she finds a sale but she will text me to make sure what the kids need same as my grandparents do or they’ll text to make sure their getting the right size but in our family it’s not expected when they go there to be in the clothes they bought but I also send them pictures when the first wear the outfit.
I agree with granny. I wouldn’t either so you couldn’t return them.
Sounds like a truly awful mother-in-law and an unbelievably awful husband for siding with his mother. I think that his mother should have as little contact with your child as possible.
Who has the time to remember who gave which clothing item? I can’t even remember what clothes I have bought my daughter and what clothes my mom has bought her. In my opinion there are more important things to worry about
Yes absolutely everytime the kid goea to grandma’s let them wear the clothes she sent
This is why I’m glad my MIL ask what my kids needs or wants are before buying presents. She would have got pj’s for them not fancy dresses, because that’s when they needed. Or both if she wanted them to have the dress
First, divorce that husband since he can’t stand up for you. Second, leave the MIL behind. If she’s going to pitch a fit over you returning for something your daughter NEEDS, why would you want her in your life? Don’t accept anything else from her and move on with life. Life is too short to deal with toxic people.
I think returning the fancy dresses and using the money still on the child for what she NEEDED was absolutely practical and perfectly adult of you. I read between the lines of your story and it sounds like maybe funds were not there to supply some of the basics and you did what NEEDED to be done for the welfare of your child. My GIL always on included receipts with every gift on case is was something we didn’t like so we could then get something we actually would use. I think what your husband’s side of th family is doing is rude and it sounds like they are getting bolder w/ thier abuse as time goes by. I would take a moment and calmly tell your husband what he’s doing and how it will eventually spool your relationship if he continues. Then you and he as a unit can address it w/ his mother. They need to stop gaslighting you and grow the F up. Just my 2 cents.
I buy all my grandkids clothes (4) no strings. They wear them when they see fit. If they do need returning, no problem. Once the items are in their hands its theirs as they see fit.
Too young? Mom/s take control. No feelings hurt here. Pure Love❤