I always ask the kids what they like, to send picture ideas,a price range,colors and such. Even if I don’t see them in person I get a video of them modeling them. The younger ones I send ideas to their parents,and they send me pictures where I can get things. As they have gotten older they ask for gift cards,then they send me a picture of what they got with the card. It makes us all happy
We buy clothes because we know the kids could use them…you’re making a mountain out if a mole hill. Chill out & talk to her. Explain how you’re not intending on fighting but that you truely want to iron out your differences
My Mother once visited and gave my daughter, about 5 at the time, some clothes that she had bought at a yard sale. They were clean, but obviously washed a lot and looked used. I did not dress my daughter in these and did not feel guilty about it. My parents could have afforded to buy my daughter new clothes.
Your husband needs to have your back! PERIOD!! We leave our parents, and become one with our spouse… If people can’t realize this, they honestly shouldn’t get married…
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Just ignore her and dress them how you want. You’re not obligated for anything.
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Thats ship has sailed…she was always that person…she just is showing it…your husband should stand up for you…but because he doesn’t that gives her room to act like that…she’s controlling and it will NEVER stop…its YOUR reaction that counts
As a mom I see where you’re coming from but as a grandma I see her end as well. Maybe the approach on both sides was what caused the issue. As a mom any help from grandparents is appreciated, one less thing to worry about kind of thing. I am sorry to say though there are those grandparents who think they know better and also feel the grand child is a show piece and wants to dress them up and show them off to whomever. Now don’t get me wrong pride in family is great but when you over step your bounds it can cause strife. As a grandma I do want to see the things I buy put to use whether it be clothes, books, whatever the case may be BUT I’m not going to make a federal case out of it and create problems over it as was done here. I mean you could have handled the return better maybe by talking to her and explaining while the dresses were beautiful and you appreciate her generosity they weren’t practical and you’d like to return them and buy pajamas for the child which are a much needed thing. Maybe you could’ve even invited her to choose them so as to still feel as though it was from her. As far as the rest goes he should stay neutral and not choose sides but that never happens bec moms lay guilt trips and sometimes on purpose. Good luck I hope it all works out.
Yea I was all on your side until you said you returned the dresses she baught to buy pajamas instead. That is so wrong you returned a gift to purchase something else. If you needed them that bad that you couldn’t buy them with your own money you should have spoke. To your mil about it first because I actually don’t see anything wrong with that but you should have atleast spoken to her about it first. On the other hand I do agree that they should purchase gifts with the thought that counts not with expectations, and I do think it’s ridiculous that grandma only buys fancy dresses and wants you to put them on her all of the time.
Gifts shouldn’t come with strings Andy your husband should always side with you. You are a team and he is not little boy blue now towwing to his mom. Your mother in law is being petty and a troublemaker 
I think the grandma has control issues … I wouldnt deal with that if someone wants to be petty with me Ill get extra petty with them…
That’s textbook narcissism and her son is caving into it since he’s scared of losing her validation and approval. Gifts are not meant to be used as ammunition and she needs to quit being so bitter and jealous of you being the woman in his life and she’s not the center of his universe anymore. Boo hoo monster in-law 
So much better to either take them shopping and let them pick what they like or send them money with “no strings attached” and let them get what they want.
At least once then correct grandmas Mistake in choices.No sense wasting grandma’s money. That’s my view we are on a budget.
Wow, the mother-in-law sounds like a nightmare, but my biggest problem would be with the husband siding with his mommy over this issue. Try marriage counseling and if that doesn’t work, get a divorce and find a better man next time.
I buy all 4 grandsons clothes for all weather. Coats sneakers boots etc. 3000 a year on clothes. They always wear what they want to. It doesnt bother me as long as they look good
I understand it I hardly ever see mine in the clothes I get her but I wouldn’t cause a fuss over it just stop buying So much
Man. You should see my house. It is packed stem to strern with stuff that mil buys my 3 year old. He is global delayed, has special needs, has idiopathic short stature. She knows all this. But continues to buy him things that may be age appropriate if he were nurotypical. Most of it are in boxes in the basement. Clothes she got 2 year ago just now fit him. I’ve asked my spouse repeatidly to ask her to stop. He doesn’t pick sides he more removes himself from the situation entirely. I AM OUT OF ROOM. I can’t even store anything else. If she were to make a big deal about things going unused, I would just have to wash my hands of all of it. I’m not ungreatful. But if she insists on buying things… I wish she would buy the stuff he needs that I cannot afford. Or put that money in a college fund. 
Not being anonymous!..what is wrong with those grandmas other than being childish!
Lol!!! I was you!!! Now I’m a grandma and she does this to me!! Haha what goes around comes around . 
sorry I laughed because it’s true. I guess I should have been nicer to my MIL…
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Just let it go. Your always gonna be wrong, no matter what! Been their done that. I do t expect anything when a gift is a gift, just a Thank You, loving mom and nana.
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Cuando uno regala algo sobre todo ropa, debe pensar en los gustos de la persona, no en los de uno, eso es “regalo”, si no,no lo hagas.
Why do you care what she thinks?
Grandma needs to be on restriction from your daughter until she can get some act right. You wanna disrespect me, my child is not going to be around you. Ever. You wanna apologize, own yo to your shit, and try to act like a respectable human, let’s try again.
And kick go your man in the nuts and tell him to grow a pair and cut the apron strings for fucks sake. How dare him not side with you!
Fuck all of that. Respect yourself enough to stand up for yourself and expect people to respect you or get the hell out of your life 
Grandma better back off
I am a grandmother who enjoys buying clothes for my grandchildren. I always say ‘if they don’t fit or don’t like the item, feel free to exchange them’!! This grandmother is making a “huge” mistake! They know she gave a gift - it’s “the thought that counts”! So now, she has initiated bitter feelings with her daughter-in-law! Grandmother is the loser - because she makes everyone in the family walk on eggshells! She needs to apologize to everyone - & hope they accept her apology! (I have the best daughter-in-law in the world, by the way)!!
When I buy clothes for the two and half year old…I don’t expect her to wear them when she visits and I always include a gift receipt just in case something needs to be exchanged or return. And the husband in the post needs a swift kick in the rear…
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Im a meme and I expect my gran kids to wear what there mother and father deam appropriate. If my daughter brought backs cloths to get needed items I would be fine with it. If your husband doesn’t back you up on this bring him back. Lol
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I hate to say this but you might need to be the bigger person and realize she is a crotchety old hag that is lonely and bitter. Accept her personality and expect her to be a b*tch. So that when maybe she is nice it’s a pleasant surprise. From what I gather you see her once in awhile, so maybe ignore her snide remarks and talk about something else. I don’t think there needs to be a long winded conversation. She won’t hear half the things you are trying to explain. So for you own peace of mind tell her what she wants to hear, maybe have the baby make grandma a gift when you’re taking her to see her and stop stressing. You can only control the way you handle situations, you can’t control other people.
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Your husband is right. I’ve bought hundreds of dollars of clothes for my grandsons, and have yet, in 5 years, to see them in anything except the snowsuits
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I’ve been a grandma for 14 years and mainly buy all our grandgirls clothing. Daughter in-law was always appreciative. I also dressed them an took them to elementary school. I still buy them clothes but take them shopping so they can pick out what they want.
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The child is getting older and will want to wear her choice and may not like grandma’s …you are not in the wrong and no need to apologise …she is being mean …why can’t she just give you money to buy what the child likes ,that’s what I do …don’t accept any gift with strings as that is not how gifts are meant to be …she needs to give her silly old head a wobble
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To me this is a bit tricky. You are in charge of what your child wears. However, it is thoughtful to have her wear something that any person buys for your child. It’s just kind. I feel you should not have returned the dresses. She needs pj’s? Buy them yourself or let grandma know before she spends money on something special. My daughter in law always lets me know what the grandkids need so there is no issue. I will say that if I see a fancy dress that I know my granddaughter would live, I send a pic first. Sometimes mom has something she selected and that’s just fine. Parents first. All in all, a little kindness and thoughtfulness goes a long way.
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Take a picture and send it to grandma with a thank you note from your daughter.
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Your MIL is a horrible person. You don’t withhold love because you don’t like how your “gift” was used. Ask before you buy and maybe you won’t be disappointed. If my MIL had treated me like that, she’d have to make amends before she’d see her granddaughter.
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It would be nice if you would ask her if she mind if you exchanged them for what the child actually needed before you did it.
It’s just a consideration and respect thing.
Yes I’m very sure the grandma expected to see the child in the fancy dress and to act like she shouldn’t be disappointed at all kind of makes you the inconsiderate one.
Geez my kids appreciate the clothes I buy for my grandkids
Theirs no strings attached by me. They wear them because I buy practical things not fancy. They appreciate it no end.
Anything and everything that I buy for my grandchildren is a gift and I don’t it doesn’t matter if I see it or not see it I know it’s being used at some point I’m sure or will be gifted to send another person in need that’s how my daughter is so no is it gif tonight don’t ever expect that to me a break
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I buy clothes on occasion for my grandson( cuz he’s little and I like to have extra in case he gets dirty ant my house). Never buy my granddaughter clothes- just give her the money. I don’t know her or her taste well enough. I would never care about if they were exchanged for something that was needed! Why not just ASK first?!!
Have some respect for the Woman who gave you her son. I had no daughters so I enjoyed buying some clothes for my granddaughters but my daughter in law never dressed them in those clothes. It is respectful to wear those clothes.
If grandma wants to see the kids in the clothes she should keep the clothes at her house for when the baby come over.
Dress your daughter in the clothes, take pictures and then send it to her. Other than that, you are under no obligation to dress her for grandma.
My concern is that your husband is not supporting you. I might limit visits with grandma and keep your daughter home from her. If she is bad mouthing you to people then it is a matter of time until she bad mouths you to your daughter.
You have control over who gets to visit and play with your daughter.
Time for a sit down talk with your husband and clearly define your boundaries.
Should have just told grandma the clothes were a bit tight so you took them back and let your daughter pick the clothing she wanted… And if grandma doesn’t like it tough boogies… My first mom in law was the same way. When the kids would get clothes from her we would dress them in the clothes take a picture and send the picture to her… Then the clothes usually went back to the store because she had lousy taste in clothes…
Grandma is seriously dysfunctional and self serving!
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Sounds like grandma is the baby here. I have four grandsons and always try to find out what they need before I buy anything. She’s unreasonable and your husband is just being an ass and is afraid to cross his mommy. Stand your ground and she can get over herself, it’s just clothes for heaven sake!
Go find a dress that matches what gramma bought and didnt see. I dont care if your daughter is 25yrs old- make her wear the dress EVERY SINGLE TIME SHE SEE’S GRAMMA. Call her facetime randomly also- make sure your daughter is wearing that dress. THEN- buy your mother in law some wonderful clothes with IRON STRINGS ATTACHED. Your spineless husband also. Learn what control freaks do and do that for a while. Hopefully not for long but hit it hard. Match them and then some. Cant beat them, join them. Absolutely expect to see those clothes on them. Make them pay if not. Put that smile back on your face and the spring back in your walk. People dont dislike you honey- this was a misunderstanding you see. You are a wonderful mother, and endlessly patient and forgiving wife and daughter in law. So far what your mother in law has said are only words. Show her that words hurt. Everyone loves you and all that you do. If you are going to stay with mama’s boy- jump in both feet. When people insist on traveling down a dark road- push them along (hard)(real fucking hard) and smile. If they dont like it then they need to rethink a few things. You wanted an answer that would solve it- there it is on a platter for you. But go ahead and continue to try to talk with them and through your loving actions- work it out. It should only take you about 20yrs or more. In the mean time your daughter gets to hear gramma shit talk you when you are not around and her spineless father stand there mutely. Live your life lively. Just sayin’ --Follow me☺
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Lawd…the rules in some people’s relationships are sooooo silly. And how would one gramma know what the other bought. If I buy my grandkids clothes I don’t care when they wear it. Period. It’s for them not me. Lawd…making things difficult for no reason. And I ask what they need or want…if it’s socks, cause one year my oldest granddaughter wanted these expensive socks, then I get socks. Easy!!!
What would it hurt for your child had to wear a fancy dress even when it’s not the holidays? You were wrong in returning those dresses.
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I’d just take pics of your daughter in the outfits grandma bought & mail them to her. (Hide the tags). Then when a Birthday/Christmas is approaching let grandma know daughter has plenty of dresses but needs pjs, jeans, tops, etc. (Also listing her favorite characters). Its really not worth the conflict IMHO. Alot of children don’t have caring grandparents in their lives and would love to!
I’m both a grand & great grand mother. My grands are adults so I gift them cash. I used to buy them school clothes & shoes cause that’s where they spend most of their time. My greats are 3 boys, ez to please I gift them the toy of their choice. My gifts don’t come with strings or obligation. I give from my heart.
The grandmother in this post seems to make drama where there’s none. I think she’s trying to undermind you with her son by making it seem you’re unappreciative. You need to put your husband in check or it’s going to get worse. That’s my. Opinion.
Would be a good idea for Grandma to ask what was needed before buying clothing gifts. Worked for me.
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As grandma, I try to get what they need. If what I buy isn’t liked, I’d prefer they take it back and get something that they do
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Maybe grandma should buy something else more practical 🤷🏼♀ Both my mom & my mil have bought things for my daughter & she usually gets to wear them, because it’s like a shirt or some cute jeans. She needs to just get over it.
For one: hubby sides with his mom on matters concerning his child with you-dump his ass!
Grandma’s being a nasty snide bitch. If you buy clothes for your grandchild, get the parents input before you do: size, likes & dislikes, needs. Or just give them the money to buy it or a gift card that could be spent on whatever.
In response to your initial question: NO you are not obligated to dress your daughter in anything given as a gift from grandma, even if grandma is a mean spirited, conceited, spiteful person.
I think it’s kewl when my smaller grandchildren show up wearing clothes I bought them, but I certainly don’t expect it. I imagine often times the clothes have been worn and are in the laundry, wating to be washed… Or whoever was dressing the baby that particular day just chose something else. They usually tell me if something didn’t fit and they returned it… usually, not always, I imagine. Your child is almost to the age where she will have preferences on what she wants to wear. You can suggest to her that Grandma bought her this and she could wear it to Grandma’s to show her how nice she looks in it and likes it, if she does. However, if she doesn’t want to very strongly, I would return the item, with her along, sometime and have her pick out something she likes to replace it. Just let Grandma know she wanted something else, so Grandma doesn’t keep purchasing the same type of clothing for her. And chill with Grandma. We mothers with adult sons aren’t interested in battling with our daughter-in-laws. We only want to see our sons and enjoy our grandchilren. Make every effort you can to get along, which it sounds like you are doing. Ask her to meet you and the granddaughter for lunch sometimes or go to the zoo, a play city, aquarium, moive or music show (If you have them.) It will please her, make her feel like you’re interested in involving her in her granddaughter’s life and she will be more prone to let the little things that bother her slip by.
Thats petty. I bought my granddaughter a dress last week; she didn’t like it at all, lol. So, I returned it and got her a gift card to get what she likes.
You don’t have a mother in law problem, you have a husband problem. Any man that won’t stand up to his mother when she’s disparaging his wife is an ass.
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Me and my kids have an agreement . If we give each other a gift and we just don’t like it its ok to swap it for something we really want or need. Those cutesy dresses are ok.when they are little but the older they get they want to dress different. Come on granmas don’t make them suffer and dread your gifts.
I have 6 grandchildren I have only seen one in a shirt I bought. I bought them all cousin shirts and just asked for a picture so I could put them in a Collage never got them. Do your best and ignore the negativity. 
She must of only had boys . She is a bitch who raised a Mama’s boy.he is an ass for siding with his mommy I would refuse to be around her let him take the kids to see grand ma bit I would not go
Your husband is an ASS. My husband alway sided with his mother & father too(they’re divorced). I left for a few months. I just couldn’t take him any more. He sided with EVERYONE BUT ME. I told him point blank, he either sided with me in public with everyone or the next time I wouldn’t come back. He defended me for the next 20+ years- SHOCKINGLY. You are not wrong.
Agree with your husband
Special gift from a grandmother. Wrong on every level. Stay in your lane and go buy some pajamas
So many comments here but some did not take the time to read the entire story. Explained to the grandma what you did. If she doesn’t understand then it her bad luck.
What a stupid woman your mil is. She should ask you what your daughter needs and get that. If she is nasty then I would say you have Buckley’s chance of mending a bridge she built. You know what I would just tell her that she is such a wonderful grandma and you love all that she does for your daughter and how much you really appreciate her and you would be lost with out her in your life and maybe you may see a change in her attitude towards you . It maybe the only way to have peace even though you don’t mean it. I would never expect my daughter to put something on her kids just cause I bought it. I always ask what they need and I buy that and then something extra from me that I feel is special.
My grandkids don’t live with me. I ask what they need/like. That has strong bearing on pur chases ; )
Don’t let your in laws ruin your marriage. Your husband sounds like a mamas boy. I always put what my wife wanted ahead of my family or their wishes. I ran my life. I would not allow my family to talk down to my wife, ever.
My mother in law did the same thing. Never asked what she would like or needed. She gave her a $400 coach purse when she was 2!!! And threw a FIT when she saw it in her toy box…I said she’s TWO it’s a toy. Dumb ass!!!
I started donating all the awful clothes she bought her and when we had the conversation about it she was fuming and said “I will never buy her clothing again!” And I was so happy! The pressure was gone. Her clothing choices were age inappropriate and always wrong sizes…
First off you don’t need to “fix” your MIL, it’s your husband that is the problem. Gifts are gifts and if there are strings attached that’s called an obligation. Stand up for yourself and tell your husband if he doesn’t stand up for you then what he thought was bad will get even worse. People like his mom don’t understand boundaries, they will always take offense. Go to family counseling w/you husband, if he won’t go then go by yourself but you have got to grow a spine! His mother will try to turn your daughter against you, be prepared for that. Also, at age appreciate levels explain to your daughter why grandma acts this way. What is happening is not right and I’m sorry to say this but this needs to be the hill you die on. If you don’t, it will get worse and you will end up truly resenting your husband and just be miserable.
Husband is the bigger issue. He needs to put the needs of his wife and child first.
Clothes for birthdays and toy for Christmas.
This is a out WAY more than a dress. Go get counseling.
Petty bitch. Im a Grandma who buys clothes for all my grands 11 of them. …I dont care what they do with them. I just love seeing them. Period.
Grandma is a nasty insecure person…
I’d stop taking her grandma’s until she can get her act together an start showing you some respect
Divorce his ass and let him go live with his momma
A gift 
do what you want with gifts
You a lil foolish. Yes put the damn dresses on her no matter what, as long as its the season and it fits. Between you and your husband, you dont have enough money to go buy her some pjs, fr? That is insulting as those dresses prob cost grandma a bit. I think you should not have exchanged them for something as cheap as pjs
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Your MIL is whacko and your husband is useless. I purchased clothes for my grandchildren to their taste and to help their parents out in the money it takes these days to clothe children. i seldom gift clothes to the boys because their mom is a keen shopper. And the girls…2 are adults one soon will be.
A gift shouldn’t be given with ANY expectation.
Make your husband dress the kids… He’ll have no f*ing clue who bought what and he can take the cr@p from his mother …
Alternatively buy a gun… 
Your MIL sounds like a Freaking Controlling Lunatic and You’re Husband Should Grow A Pair …
Is it even logical to expect people to remember who purchased what??
Put her in clothes, take pictures and send her picture regardless of size or season.
Giving is just that! No expectations.
Your husband should stand by you
Grandma is a control freak!
Your husband needs a swift kick in the pants!
This GM is being an asshole. Creating stress and drama between you and the husband. It is a gift, gifts should not have strings attached and she needed the PJS. You need to tell your husband that his mom is not being nice or tolerant, is causing everyone to be stressed and if she is this freaking intolerant and an ass, why would you care to have a relationship but dont let her put a wedge btw you and the husband.
Dear!! You can’t fix it ever 
Yep. You are being the bad guy!
Pictures! Send pictures! Geemaneechristmas…what a ridiculous kerfuffle.
Suggest money…that is what I ended up doing. It does not hurt my feelings.
Tell grandma your daughter is a trans and doesn’t like to wear fancy dresses, see how she handles that, just for the hell of it!
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Some mother-in-law’s really suck
I 
divorce in your future
Dad’s job from now on, not yours. And shame on him for not sticking up for you. That’s an issue in itself. You have done NOTHING wrong!!!
Gifts should come with no strings.
As a teenager and a grown adult I would always wear the things that my grandma bought me whenever I visited her which was at least once a week but she never bought anything clothes wise for my children and would just buy them a toy or let me buy some thing.
I would apologize to grandma and let her know that you did not understand that the clothes that she bought for her that she wanted to see her in when you visited and you should’ve discussed with grandma about the fancy dresses that they were impractical and would it be OK if I returned them for something that she needed and if grandma said no then so be it. Mend the relationship because grandmas need that love from their grandchildren and mother-in-law‘s may be difficult but when you married her son she became part of your family. Just love her and accept her:heart:
I am a grandma and I bought ALL the clothes for my two oldest grandchildren because my daughter and son-in-law couldn’t afford extras like that and I made sure to buy them new school clothes and their school supplies whatever was needed. Now my two youngest grandchildren are almost 5 and almost 3 and I don’t buy clothes for them because I know my daughter-in-law is very particular about clothing that they wear And it’s OK. Every now and then I will pick something up for them and then when they come over they have that shirt on or that barette or socks or whatever it was But I do not get upset if I don’t see them in the clothing that I bought them. Everyone is different mama, just love your mother-in-law because one day she won’t be around and your children will miss her and your husband will miss her and yes, you will miss her as well
Don’t you explain the one stat don’t fit.
Shame on this nasty woman. I buy for my granddaughters . My intention is to help her parents stay ahead of the fast outgrowing of clothes. If your buying for selfish need to feel important. Obviously you need psychological help.
Ignore the old bat. Better yet stop visiting.