Your MIL sounds like a control freak, and very jealous as well. Your husband should be siding with you.
She is being unreasonable
Cally will love that
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Seems your MIL has some serious issues!
This is a VERY controlling MIL.
Simple: Leave tags on, take a photo for MIL then return it!
Gifts should not come with strings attached, no matter who they are for…
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3rd world problems. Yikes.
I wouldn’t worry about the mother in law…… but that husband …. That’s a different story!
He should politely talk to his side of the family and explain.
Communication!!! No need for “years” of bad feelings❤️
Somethings wrong if he’s siding with his Mother……
Wouldn’t bother me to not have a relationship with the mother in law
Your mother in law is the nasty person. She sounds like a jealous 6th grader.
It’s insulting to have someone return a gift you got for them
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Narcissism on that side of the family is strong 
I would say out of consideraton and for peace in the family,dress your daughter in Grandmas fancy dresses when going to Grandmas house. Little girls usually love fancy. And trading for pajamas and not asking Grandma? Invitation for hard feelings.
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Let her have fun and love the kid
First your husband should have your back. He needs to grow a pair, and stand up to his mom. They are his parents not yours, he needs to deal with them.
Grandma is being petty, and a witch. DO NOT BE A DOORMAT FOR HER. Iwould have a sit down with her explaining that while her gifts are appreciated, you no longer have the time or inclination to indulge her foolishness about dressing YOUR DAUGHTER in clothes she bought to visit her, and that her pettiness about this is damaging your relationship. So its HER choices in the future that will determine if you will have a polite relationship or an acrimonious one.
I would dress MY child however I wanted, and being as thats obviously not to your MIL’s taste I would NOT let my child spend time there without me in the future, and that would be very little.
Sorry, I had a MIL who was a witch to me for 25 years, and I avoided her except for larger family gatherings. Now that my inlaws are elderly and we live close I have been the one stepping in to help them, and her attitude and manners towards me have done a 180…its a shame it took 25 years, but not putting up with her BS saved me a lot of aggravation throughout the years.
In my experience when you tolerate BS and disrespect, it only gets worse not better, unless you draw your line in the sand and stop it.
Maybe ask MIL to call and ask what the child’s needs are, hence pjs etc. if nothing is needed then grandma buys what she wants. No longer pack a bag for said grandma because she has child covered. Enjoy the gifts because there will come a time when it stops
It’s clothes my mom buys my kids clothes and generally gives the receipt Incase 1) it don’t fit 2) it’s not what they want or 3) they need something else.
grandma should take the child with when shoppingr to make sure it is appropriate never return a gift for money that is a prime insult mom can make suggestios or let grandma know childs neeeds granma should not be upset if clothing was too fancy but returning it should have been grandmas perogative not moms
No 8 year old boy rather have clothes than toys. That’s a given. They should have known that. Raylen has finally caught up on the correct size clothes of his age. What size is Bruce wearing now?
I would always put my son in the clothes that grandparents bought him and either take pics and send to them or when we were around them. I was just raised to do that. I personally would not return anything unless it did not fit my child but then I would probably let them know as well. I think she is being ridiculous by throwing a fit if she wears something from another family member while being there tho, that is legit insane!
They are clothes if you don’t want to dress the kids in those clothes then don’t. I know she’s grandma but they are your kid’s… maybe let her know what kind of clothes your kids like so she doesn’t buy the wrong stuff anymore. In life you can’t make everyone happy all the time you just have to make sure you and your partner and those kids are happy. I have learned long ago there always going to be someone who has something to say, and they can keep talking until they turn blue because it’s my life and my kid’s…
My in-laws and parents tend to ask what the kids need, It’s hard to remember where a peace of clothing came from… think that is ridiculous
I buy for my Grandaughter unconditionally… my daughter has similar problems with my counter part, who’s only interest is ‘owning’ the child … toxic
A gift is a gift. Its your jobs to buy whatever the child needs for winter. Not the grandma. If the child is in need of night clothers its your responsibility to buy them for your child.
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Sounds more like a jealousy issues. However you could say we appreciate the gifts of clothing how about we plan to do it together as x is growing and sizing has became difficult. Then she can have items for the current season. Plus unless the clothes are completely ugly. Let her wear them snap a couple pics and send to grandma.
After my grandkids reached a certain age I would send them gift certificates at stores that sold kids clothes. The kids got so much enjoyment out of having their own credit cards and bought clothes they liked and could make sure the clothes fit because kids clothing styles seem to fit different so a standard size doesn’t always fit .if she is not open to that idea, I used to get lists of what the kids needed,socks,underwear
,pj’s,perhaps news sheets
And quilt then included toot brushes,tooth paste,kids shampoo,bubble bath etc
As I see it not much sense in buying something that does fit that the kid is only going to wear once or twice
Ask granny who’s looking after her when she’s to old lol
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Tell your MIL that she had her turn as a Mum now it’s your turn. You already have two children (1your child 2 your husband )you dont need a third😁
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As a grandparent, if i am goi g to by my grandchildren clothes, i will send a picture and ask my daughter if the kids will like them. I dont want to buy something they wouldnt like or wear. Or even so ething my daughter wouldnt let them wear. Except for PJ’s. The fancy dress could have been worn at least once for photos and would have made a grest gift for the grandmother. My youngest grandchild is 5 yrs old. I dont recall seeing the age in the story. I have bought my grandkids outfits that the mother didnt like. After a while she told me they were ugly and were not dressing her kids in them. I didnt get butt hurt about it. Everyone has their own style and when they are your kids you dress them a certain way until they are old enough to dress and chose the clothing themselves. Rule of thumb, dont buy clothes without consulting parents first.
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give the kid what they actually need , not what you want them to want . otherwise its just a gift for yourself . why would she rather the clothes never be worn instead of something that will be loved ? thats the ego talking . you arent in the wrong at all !!
Put them on take a photo and then its done. She sounds like a pain in the arse. What if your daughter doesn’t like dresses is she meant to wear it just to keep grandma happy. I think this is ridiculous
As a mother in law, it is out of shear love I bought outfits.Though my dil’s will say if they need anything. I dnt take offense, I dressed my babies, it’s their turn to do the same. If they came to me and said they need : something specific I would be thrilled. I have such love for my grand children my taste is not the same as my dil’s or sons. I get it!!!
So that’s how I handle it, they let me know. If they want toys, I ask. I would rather gift money so they can pick that way I know it’s what they “need.”!!!
My mother buys my daughter clothing for every season…shes almost 4 now. My mom has never had a problem with myself or my daughter saying we dont like it, or it’s something she wouldnt wear. My mother also buys practical clothing pertaining to the season. She would never get mad if she didnt see my daughter wearing clothes she bought her. Also my boyfriends mom buys her clothes as well, but doesnt get mad either. My boyfriend also doesnt side with anyone but myself regardless of the situation.
My MIL asks what clothing my daughter needs. And she NEVER expects her to be dressed in the clothes every time we see her. I honestly don’t keep track of who buys my daughter clothes. We are very, very thankful. And we try our best to make sure she wears everything. But it’s never expected. Your MIL needs to chill. And your husband needs to stand up for you.
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I have bought my grandson (18mos now) about 95 percent of the clothes he has but I never expect that they dress him in them. Kinda hard not to since I have bought so many though! I also am never upset when he wears something from someone else. That seems a bit childish to me. I bought a variety of clothes before he was born knowing he might eventually wear them. Some he did and some he didn’t. No problem! I was very hurt however when my DIL mother and I were getting things ready and she shared with me my DIL’s comment on several of the items I had bought being things she would NEVER put on him! The mom did not know I was the one that bought them. Just know that it is very hard to be the MIL who is the son’s mother too. I think your MIL may be hurting and it is probably not so much about the clothes as something else. Ask her what you can do to have a good relationship with her. I do think it is not ok to return a gift to buy something else. I understand your daughter needed the PJs but maybe you could have asked her if she minded the exchange. Maybe those dresses were very important to her. By returning them for something else you were kinda saying you did not like them and wanted something more useful. I am not saying her actions are right but you asked what you could do to repair the relationship so I think you are asking for insight into how it might look.
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A gift should be given without expecting anything back, but I have seen many a grandparent/relative get this way about stuff. I’m sorry you have to deal with her, extra sorry your husband is not helpful here. It might be wise to seek a neutral third party for bit.
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My mom and mother in law are not like this. This is not normal at all. Like someone else suggested I would take a picture when the kids wear the fancy clothes and send them to her. What are the odds she will be with you on every occasion.
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Sounds like this is more about Grandma than it is about your daughter. Seems like Grandma needs to get over herself and think about what is best for her granddaughter and not her petty, fragile ego.
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Petty reason to be fighting over clothes. Tell her to invest in the child other ways like a savings account for college or for a car when she reaches 16. Let them be mad. They and your husband need to grow up.
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How would MIL know what clothing your mom bought her? I don’t understand why she would be mad about that unless it was thrown in her face…still no reason for her to be mad
What u do isnt any business of mother in laws.u dont owe her anything.a simple thank you from the child is apropriate to the o casion.
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I buy my two great grandsons clothes all the time I see them wear them and then I don’t but I would not get upset if I don’t see them wear the clothes because kids grow so fast .but I let my granddaughter & grandson in law make the decision of what they wear .
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She shouldn’t have to see her wear them
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My grabdson’s other grandmother would buy him elaborate Christmas presents and keep them at her house. He’d outgrow the clothes and toys by the time he’d see her again (the next Christmas). These weren’t gifts - they were her way to display him.
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I’m a Grandma of 12. Never ever did I think this or expect it. I bought lots of clothes for my Grandkids. Grandma needs to GROW UP!!!
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So make sure to take a picture of your kid wearing said clothes.
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Dad should pick out cloths to wear to him mothers. & pack the suitcase. If grandma doesn’t like what girl is wearing, explain that HER SON picked it out. Tell him.
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Your daughter is lucky to have grandma buy her things. I can’t imagine it being a problem. I really can’t imagine this being a problem
I live about 1500 miles from my grandchildren. When they were small I would love to see Photos of them wearing the clothes I purchased for them.
Why doesn’t your husband step up and make sure the child wears what his mother bought?
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Maybe if grandma wants to buy a “gift” that she is expecting to see be worn then she could ask what your daughter needs. I get really annoyed when people act this way…she needs to grow up…I would have done the exact same thing you did…and have had similar experiences with my own mother in law but the way I looked at it was either she will get over it or she will ruin our relationship…which would only hurt her in the long run cause I have no time for petty drama.
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I am a Grammie. I loved to buy a dress for my granddaughter and see her wearing it , so we planned for family photos and I got her the dress. I love the photo. Children grow very quickly and I know my grandchild had loads of cute dresses. Now, I take her with me so she picks out what she likes. Life is wonderful. Enjoy every single moment. My mother-in-law died too young and I miss her.
Grandma should ask you what your daughter needs as far as clothes go. So instead of 2 fancy dresses she could have bought the pj’s than there won’t be a problem.
I always take pictures of my sons in cloths that my inlaws buy and send them.
Regardless of if it hurt her feelings at the time, her behavior is out of line and he shouldn’t be defending her when she’s trying to be straight out hateful.
She’s an adult and was fully capable of having an adult conversation about it with you.
You know now what she wanted but you cant change the past. She needs to get over herself.
Especially since your right. Gifts aren’t supposed to be conditional. And even still you were trying to make an effort, even though she’s not acted reasonable in response.
I’d have a talk with husband about how you understand that she was upset that time but that her behavior has surpassed what is an acceptable reaction. And that if he accepts her unacceptable behavior that it sets a bad precedent for the relationship and the kids.
I’d also talk to her directly. Tell her that your sorry that what you did with the two dresses hurt her feelings. But that she is an adult and should have handled it like an adult. And if she continues to treat you badly that you are going to stop having any personal contact with her.
If she treats you badly in front of the kids I’d consider not letting them go around her either.
At this point your owed a lot more apologies than she thinks she deserves.
I buy all my grandkids clothes with no expectations of seeing the clothes again and if the parents want to return the clothes to get something more needed or wanted they can !
As a Grammie I have bought clothes. I always leave the tags on them because my daughter gets clothes for her from her sister, other grandmother, and boxes of them from a gal at her work. All I ask is if you are gonna return them please get something you need. I always try n ask if she needs something.( one time I bought socks because that’s what she needed). She needs to get over herself. She doesn’t have to be nasty to you. You returned them for something she needed.
She needs to get over it, my daughter stopped wearing girly clothes at the ages of 4-5years. Kids soon find their own style and nanas style might not be it soon
Agree liana wouldn’t buy if you weren’t there
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Sorry liana hit the wrong button imeant to say I would only buy if you were there
I would just send her w picture when she is wearing them wouldn’t even make the effort to have her in them when she comes 
and if you need to change it for pjs or anything else she should be happy that the money isn’t wasted because the outfit can’t get worn simple people will never be happy mind you! Xxxx
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Address the problem, with being open and direct with gran, and mil
My mother in law was like yours. She said the same things. Tried to make me a version of herself. In the end I called her out on it. She didn’t take it well and for years didn’t come near me. It was peaceful. Right or wrong on my part, it stopped her trying to control me and kids. It is a shame families are like this over children/grandchildren. I try to not interfere in my kids lives, if they ask I will give opinion. Hang in there
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You are very lucky to have clothing bought for your child by granma. let the child wear em, dont save stuff for best. Get em worn as they soon wont fit.
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I buy my little grandgirl clothes a lot but I always ask what she needs or her mommy wants for her. Idk if you’ll ever repair your relationship with the MIL… she sounds rigid and judgmental… so sad for you.
My granddaughter loves to dress up even when she just stays home. Let her wear the fancy dresses just because she can!
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I’m a grandma and I always buy clothes. I give them to my daughter with the gift receipt, knowing that if she doesn’t like them she can return them. I’m not offended if she does.
How about take pictures of her in the clothes and send them to grandma, to me the grandma is being petty
I buy for my grandkids, yes I like to see them wear them. Perhaps your husband should have called his mother and said your daughter really needed PJs and would she might if you exchanged the fancy dresses? That she rarely has occasion to wear them. Or perhaps one of the dresses. After all it’s his mother, he can be the buffer. If you cant talk to her without problems theres more going on with her.
As your child ages she may become very interested in her own style. Have a discussion on needs and daughters becoming her own self. Suggest special shopping outings for grandmother and granddaughter for bonding purposes as well as for helpful gifts. You can make suggestions on current needs prior to this event. Then be sure to send photos around town as daughter wears clothing!
It is only clothing! Yes she is being a bit unreasonable and your husband is backing her up BUT don’t sweat the small stuff for the sake of all family relations. I would suggest to grandma that your now 5 year old would enjoy some time spent with grandma on a shopping trip twice a year, birthday and xmas. Your daughter will have favourite colours and items she loves. If inappropriate styles for everyday, so what!! My sweet granddaughter was always a sporty tomboy but still loved dressing up like a princess in her “presents “ don’t let this be a power struggle over something that time will naturally correct!
Compromise in families is what keeps them together. It is not “giving in” 
You will never be able to please her as she has already made life difficult for you. You are the mum here your husband has left his family to marry you. You two are one and he really should put you first without disrespecting his mother. If she was a good mother she would only want to support her son and his family and not cause divisions! Your little one is growing up now and will only want to wear what she decides. If your not careful she will start making other decisions on behalf of her. You can’t please everyone 
so stay true to yourself!
If it fits, let the kid wear it as often as she wears all her cloths and if it doesn’t, tell grandma and let her decide. Keep the peace for your child’s sake. Life is too short to make a big deal of of clothes. the more good memories you help your daughter creat around the grandparents, the more balanced her life will be. these things are petty. grand parents don’t live forever but the love they live behind last a very long time. don’t rob your child the experience. you may not see it now, but they sewing good seeds into your child’s live. Don’t get in the way. thank God for that.
Blessings!
No & I have a lot of grand & great grand children. The grandma should back off.
I always asked my daughter what clothes to get for my grandson. Things go in and out of style so fast I wanted to get what he would wear.
Grandma is unreasonable. I’m sorry you have to deal with it all. It really makes it hard to have a good relationship with her.
Yes, grandmas expect to see the kids in the clothes they bought for them.
No, its is not wrong that ONE time you exchanged them for PJ
Husband and grandma are making too much drama our of nothing
Probably sit down with her, explain what happened that one time, apologize and say you did not think it will Hurt her…
Hope that solves it.
I know some people do not agree with apologizing BUT you want to fix this AND she is a grandma so, I think that’s the way to go.
Seems to me that you are very nice, I would probably have said something mean long ago to get them over the drama
Wow!! You are in a tuff spot!!! I would say- this clothes thing is getting Way too complicated- let’s settle on book cards from Barnes and Noble or- Target . Say she likes to pick out her own clothes
Maybe they shop together! For a new Fall - whatever. Also compliment her on her good taste in clothes. You need a new regime to turn this around!!! For 6 months try being Nice as Pie and see what happens! You must do this for your whole family!!! Also take a photo of your daughter in one of the fancies and give it to her framed Change your tune.
I don’t know where you live but can’t the dresses be worn for trips to town and for special occasions. Put the dresses on her and enter your daughter in the local Little Miss Showgirl, Festival Princess or whatever your town has. It doesn’t matter whether she wins or not. It is the fun of getting dressed up and gaining confidence. Not talking about the pageants with make up and big hair dos. Just something where they are natural. One of my friends was so excited when her daughter in law invited her to a local competition and her granddaughter was wearing one of the dresses she had bought.
I buy clothes because she needs them. I make sure she will like them. Or I make sure what she needs before I buy anything.
Maybe she should ask what kind of clothing is needed at this time…then she could stop buying things that she doesn’t need and you won’t have to try to figure out when your daughter can wear it so she could see her in it.
Your husband should be more supportive of your wishes for the two of yours child. It’s your child dress her as you like . If grandma doesn’t approve that’s her problem not yours.
I just expect some sort of acknowledgement that 1) gift was received and 2) a thank you. If they want to exchange fine. If I give a store card, I would like to know what was chosen and I can’t be angry or upset as to what was chosen.
Never buy clothes for grandchildren! Your taste in clothing, their mom’s taste in clothing, their dad’s taste in clothing, and even the child’s taste in clothing may not, probably won’t, mesh. If you simply MUST buy clothing, either accept that one of them may hate it and it will never be worn, or take Mom (usually the clothes buyer) and child(ren) shopping so they can pick out the items. I stopped picking out my own children’s clothes when they reached about ten as we rarely saw eye to eye on it, and I wasn’t the one wearing it to school where my friends were.
Why not dress her in the fancy dress, take a picture and send to grandma? That way the child only has to wear it once and grandma gets to see it whenever she wants.
You should never put your husband between you and his mother. She raised him well enough for you to fall in love with him and he loves you both. Grandmas, including me buy our grandchildren clothes because we love them so much and think they will look precious in them. Sometimes we make a mistake with our choice but it is not worth wrecking relationships over. Dressing the child up in the dress probably would have given both grandma and the child some joy and you probably would have bought your child the pajamas anyway. Why not take the kind road instead of hurting your mother in laws feelings. I have two beautiful grandchildren and my daughter in law never once returned anything I bought the girls. At the same time though I tried hard to buy only what fit the girls personalities. One is a girly girl and the other a tomboy. I want the children to enjoy and feel comfortable in what I buy them.
My mother and mother in law have bought my daughter clothing. They usually put the receipt with the items so if they don’t fit or etc I can return them. Most of the time their note will say, “or get something she needs”. It’s about the child and a gift. Not purchasing a extravagant dress, (and who does that for a young child anyways that grows faster than a weed in a garden), she MIL should not have gotten upset over getting warm pj’s that was needed instead of a overly priced dress. Now if dil took it back and just kept the money yeah I could see her being upset, but she didn’t she purchased something that was needed. Grandma should be glad that her gift made it a possibility for granddaughter to have what she needed.
No you don’t have to dress your, that would be your child in grandma’s clothes she bought. If grandma doesn’t like it she might get the point to give gifts other then clothes.
Gifts aren’t gifts’ with strings attached. That makes them, instead, expectations. Good luck!
Your husband married YOU not his mommy (I think)
While it is a good idea to dress you child your child in something bought by the person you are visiting it is not alway practical.
Since your mother-in-law deals in generalizations eg. (She NEVER sees her granddaughter in the cloths she buys for her). I suggest one of 2 approaches:
-
Refuse all future clothing gifts (unless you financially need them). This may shock things into reality but I suspect hubby will side with “mommy”
-
A softer but more practical approach would be to give grandma a LIST of thing you would like or need (like PJs), shorts, tops etc. if you don’t get the items you requested don’t accept those items explaining your daughter has enough of that item and suggest SHE return them for what you want Andy need
The last effort is to give hubby “one upside the head” and remind him he married you and that his mommy’s apron strings are way to long and he needs to defend YOU!!!
(I suspect mommy still buys his delicates so this will take all your patients but stay your course and be firm and resolute and hopefully he will come to see that your daughter belongs to you and him and NOT his grandma)
Good luck and stay strong.
That’s awful. You didn’t do anything wrong. Don’t mother-in-laws realize they lose more than they gain by thinking they are right. Sad the husband doesn’t defend his wife. So thankful my husband always defended me.
When I give clothes as gifts I always put the receipt in there so if they don’t Ike what. I picked out they can get what theyike
When I buy my grandkids clothing I take them so they can choose what they like.
As a grandmother,I ask the Parents if the child is not old enough !When they are olderI give them a Visa gift card!No expectations from me!!
Stop visiting with people who are mean to you!!! I had a mother-in-law (step- mother) who was nasty to me so I stopped visiting! I do not need that!!!
Could you perhaps mention that pajamas would be more comfy, cozy and would come with grandma snuggles than fancy dresses?
Once given the clothing is to your discretion.