I buy clothes for my grandkids all the time I NEVER expect to see them in them or even keep them if they need something else return away and get what they need! Grandma is being selfish and that’s all there is too it. I see and buy stuff for my grandkids just because I love them not to show anyone up or make my daughter feel like they have to wear them!!
I think it is rude to return
Grandmother’s gifts for more practical things that you prefer. Fancy dresses are expensive! Let your daughter wear them if only while visiting grandmother.
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Look until you loose a grandparent or parent don’t judge mom in law… she’s looking out being kind enough to buy some stuff occasionally I’d be thankful an dress her up anyway. Grama wants to see it an remember these times. Life is limited girl go talk to her…
This is coming from someone who has (1) living grandparent & (1) living parent
My girls get excited receiving new things from their (Gigi or Nana)
So how does your husband’s mother know your mom bought the outfit she is wearing? And unfortunately when any grandparent buys clothing it’s nice/courteous if the child wears it on a visit to said grandparent. Is it a MUST absolutely NOT!!
When someone in the family bought my kids gifts I would take a picture of them in the outfit and send it to them. Even if they just wore it for the day or whatever. I mean when I buy a gift i do want the person to use/wear it. And if they don’t well then I just buy a gift card.
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Nope a gift is a gift and once given it’s up to the receiver to do what they want. Personally I think you’ve already gone above and beyond. If grandma can’t handle two dresses over her grandchild’s needs then that’s on her and now you know the clothing was bought for her needs and not your child’s.
I’d ask your husband where his spine went Bc being the doormat to his mom and letting her be disgusting to his partner makes him a terrible partner and father.
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you and your husband should have moved 3000 to 2000 miles away and that problem would never exist. We did.
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How does the daughter feel about the clothes? My daughter even at the age of 3 was very picky about what she wore. I would ask grandma to go shopping with you and your daughter to see what was appropriate for your daughter.
I’ve always dressed my kids in the clothes that are bought for them…I think she’s deeply offended that you returned the dresses she bought and that’s the root of the problem right there
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Stop trying to please people who do not deserve it. First of all your daughter should decide what clothes she likes, not ’ gramma’. If they do not fit, wait until they do. And stop letting your husbands family gang up on you. Or to keep the peace, if you must, get your daughters picture taken of the fancy dresses ( if your daughter likes them) and present them as gifts to these selfrightous fools. As for her wearing clothes from your side of the family, tell them to get over it. You will dress your child however it pleases both of you.
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The only problem I see with anything you did or said is returning the dresses! They shouldn’t have been returned
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First things first: You husband sides with his Mommy? The hell with that. Untie the apron strings and stop trying to appease the unapeasable. Your husband is married to YOU not mommy dearest.
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I took my daughter-in-law and my granddaughters with me when I bought some clothes for them. it never occurred to me not to. They helped pick out what they liked and I paid for them. I do buy t-shirts with sayings on them for the entire family with our name on them. Just for fun things. They can feed the cows in them for all I care.
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Fuck her. Do what you want.
A gift is a gift. Shouldn’t have strings attached. And she really should ask what the girl needs most before she shops. Coming from a G’ma!!
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I’m a grandma so I’m going to say yes. 
But I would give receipts just I case the parents want to return or exchange.
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grandma should ask what the child needs or wants and shop accordingly. If she wants to buy an extra special gift, so be it, but coming from another grandma, ask what is needed or wanted!!!
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Honestly I would tell her that if she really wanted to buy your daughter clothes ask for the sizes and what she needs rather buying fancy clothing that she won’t be able to wear regularly
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When I get my Nieces and nephews clothes I love to see them in them. It’s not considered having strings attached, it’s the joy of seeing how adorable they are in those clothes. My sons aunt used to return the clothes and buy things that were cheaper so she could keep the different for herself. So started cutting off all tags so it wasn’t possible. Returning a gift and getting something different can be seen as a slap in the face when you could have easily sed they needed PJ’S and to get those inside of the dresses. You shouldn’t have returned the dressed, you should have just bought your kids what they needed. If you couldn’t afford to buy what they needed then you could have asked for help. To avoid this issue in the future send them a list of what they need and the sizes they are in at the time. Simple solution to a stupid issue.
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Lisa M. Hiskey But if things are ugly, they’re ugly. 
Grandma spends her own money on the clothes because she loves the child. Yes, she would like to see the child wear them. To not wear the clothes is to reject the grandma’s thoughtfulness and love (even if you the mom do not like the clothes). And, two fancy dresses probably cost a lot more than pajamas. When the child approaches puberty grandma will no longer buy clothes for the child because it would be too challenging to fit the child and choose clothes that a teen would agree to wear.
If something so small as overdressing your daughter for the day will bring peace on your family…over dress…
Dress your daughter as you see fit and pay no attention to who bought what. Your MIL is really over acting. When your daughter is older what will your MIL do when she hates what is picked out by this woman? Grandma/MiL needed yo grow up.
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Once she can no longer wear something start by making it part of a table cloth or side table! That way she can see all the clothes she bought and you are in good graces again!
I didn’t even bother to read it past “Am I obligated to dress my daughter in clothes given by my grandmother. NO! Her body her choice. Grandma can buy a gift card and let her dress as SHE likes.
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Take a little photo shoot of her in the clothes and frame them as gifts to grandma. Don’t take the tags off and return them after lol
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The mother n law is wrong. Take pictures of the outfits if she buys anymore and ignore the rest. And if your husband can’t support you let him take his daughter to his moms.
I have put my girls in some super fancy dresses for absolutely no reason 
now they are old enough to say hey I’m not wearing that. It sounds like u need to have a legit conversation with ur mother in law about expectations that way neither of y’all are so let down. It seems like u really value ur relationship with her so make the extra effort put the fancy dress on and be like hey I didn’t realize it was going to hurt ur feelings I feel like our lack of communication cause this and I’d like to do better in the future for all of us. I know it’s not always fun and I’m not saying ur in the wrong but sometimes a little give goes along way. Hugs momma
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All you can do on your end is apologize for returning the dresses. If Dad had such a problem with it at the time, he should’ve stepped up and bought his daughter pajamas so that it wasn’t necessary. And the fact that she got this disjointed over something this petty proves that it’ll happen again. Some people thrive off of resentment strife and will take any excuse to be offended.
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I also at least want to see it on them. If you return it for something else fine. Just tell me why and show me what I bought.
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Tell them all to get over themselves and dress your daughter in whatever you want
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You should take a picture of her in them, and text her a pic.
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The only thing I find wrong here is exchanging the “gifted” dresses for pajamas… They were given to your daughter… If she needs pajamas, go and buy her some… Don’t exchange the dresses she was gifted for them.
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Dress her in the fancy clothes even if it’s to play at Grammas. Let her change her if she’s not happy with what she’s wearing !!!
Take a picture of your daughter holding up the outfits from your MIL when she opens them. Then take another photo of her wearing the outfit. So when your MIL or husband complain that she didn’t wear something your MIL bought for her you can show the pictures and say yes she did. I myself would take video of her opening the gift and wearing the outfit not just photos. If she buys anymore fancy dresses, tell your husband to start having father/daughter date nights with her and let her wear the fancy dresses on those occasions. Take photos to show your MIL that she wore them and had a lovely time with her dad at the same time.
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She really doesnt deserve you. That woman needs to get a bloody life. Jesus she must have feck all else to be bitching about. Just ignore her small mindedness. Infact as ur little one will be in school soon if not already, get wonderful grandma to get her a schoolbag kinda thing and leave the clothes buying to you seems its causing such a wedge. Best of luck. She sounds like a rite awkward petty nightmare of a mother inlaw
My daughters are in their 50’s now, but all you have to say is “tiger pants” and the swearing and groans begin.
My Mother would buy clothes for the girls and mail them to us. When the Jordache jeans were the “IN THING” for teens and preteens at $27.95 a pair (1980’s), my Mom found what she thought were lookalikes but much cheaper. One pair was what the girls called snail gut green with black pin stripes and the other was pumpkin orange with black pin stripes. The orange pair will go down in family history as “Tiger Pants”. Under pain of whatever was the worst thing I could think of, (can’t remember now), they put them on, we took a Polaroid and mailed the photo off to the other side of the country. That was the only time the girls wore those jeans and I was in full agreement. They were ghastly. I don’t think we even put them in the goodwill bag.
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If you value your relationship with your mother-in-law , don’t take things she spent her time and money on back to the store to get what she needs, that’s for you and your husband to do, it’s disrespectful what you did, own it! If you don’t you will be the outsider in his family, causing problems with your husband , Respect is everything , not this new crap young ppl do today, and you wonder why they hate you, would you do that to your mother?, pick your battles wisely, you’ve already lost this one
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If you allow the child to wear clothes from your parents and not the in laws, like u said…ypu are part if the problem. If the clothes are too fancy then convey that to MIL and explain that those types of clothes are not practical for every day wear and better suited for special occasions. Or use the dresses for fancy little princess photo shoots. Turn a negative into a positive.
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Look grandmother of 4 here. Your MIL seems a bit petty and sad your husband doesn’t side with you. In future if she does happen to buy her something take some pics and send them to her. Now for the little verbal snips you can be the bigger person and just ignore her, or calmly snip back kindly but stand your ground and tell your husband it’s fine if he doesn’t defend you cause you can defend yourself, but truly try not to lower yourself.
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I ask my kids what the grandkids need and that’s what I buy. I would happily buy pjs instead of frilly dresses.
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My grandma bought my oldest daughter a pretty dress. Although, my daughter never had the need for it, she did wear it to her house to play. She loved it as her and grandma had a wonderful time. My oldest cherished it as my grandmother isn’t a live anymore but the memories are. If you knew you didn’t want her to wear it give it to grandma for her house. Don’t exchange it. That was rude and disrespectful. It is your responsibility to get what your child needs not exchange a gift. There are plenty of outfits I still have my daughter wore once just so my husbands in laws can see them wear.
I have boys so that doesn’t help a whole lot. But I do want to say my mother in law, my mom and my step mom (even my sister in law at Christmas) usually ask if there is something they need clothing wise. Like right now the oldest needs pjs and the youngest probably pants. If they do get something out of the blue I do try to make sure I get a picture of them in it and share. In your shoes I probably would have said something along the lines that right now these dresses are practical and she really needs pjs, is it alright if I return them and get her some…but she should have also seen you go her something she needed.
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She sounds like a bitch, I wouldn’t speak to her anymore.
I’m a grandma and I’ve always bought our granddaughter clothes, but I consult with my DIL first. I want to get her things she needs first and then clothes she wants. She is now 4 and knows what she likes. This year we didn’t by then and send them to her. We waited for her to be home and went clothes shopping.
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Exchanging a gift for something else is considered rude. If MIL knows you did this, I can understand why she’s upset. I, personally, wouldn’t usually care if I got a gift for a child who needed something else instead, as long as Mom and Dad needed the help, I would want the child to have what they need if they needed something else. Now, if the parents could afford what is needed, that’s a different story entirely! My feelings would be hurt, at least, and I would probably feel taken advantage of. And your husband’s feelings may be hurt as well over exchanging those dresses, I mean, it’s his mom. She wasn’t giving you fancy dresses because your daughter needed them, they were a GIFT.
Flip this around a sec. Your husband buys you a piece of jewelry as a surprise gift. You need socks more than jewelry. So you take it back and buy socks with it. Hell yes I would be mad at you.
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I’ve bought my niece stuff and never saw her in it my SIL prob did return them tbh and it makes me sad but instead of passive aggressively dealing with I just didn’t buy clothes again as was unsure the style I chose was what they liked
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Also I put my baby girl in fancy dresses to visit her grandma 
and she didn’t even buy the dresses
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Pick your battles; this isn’t one of them. Let Grandma do what she wants. Pretty soon your little girl will be ripping her clothes off to run around naked, insisting on wearing her pajamas outside, wearing a bathing suit in winter or a snow jacket in summer or whatever. Let Grandma win this one for now. There are WAY bigger issues to deal with raising kids.
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When I buy my grandchildren clothes mom is involved for advice. Also I will give gift cards so the child can pick what the want.
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My daughters always get clothes from their Nanny and Poppy frog (one set of grandparents). Since they live fourty-five minutes away and lockdowns I dress them in their clothes when we head out or whatever and always send a photo so they know they love their clothes.
I don’t always send a photo because I don’t remember but gift as in clothes shouldn’t have strings attached in my opinion
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Only thing I see wrong is you returning the clothing 
big No
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From a grandmothers point of view. I gift my grandchildren clothes sometimes rather that toys not with the point to see them in them but to help out with what’s needed. I think you should’ve gone to her and asked if she would mind about exchanging the dresses for Pajamas for you little one. Maybe it hurt her that you just done it. I wouldn’t have minded as I also ask what the children need or would like rather than but sometimes it’s lovely just to give a very special surprise gift like a pretty dress or something handsome for boys.
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None of my kids grandparents ever buy them anything so I’ve no clue how to respond to this
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Bought cute clothes for my grandaughter the first 3 years…never saw her in any of them…no more buying clothes for her…but also bought things for my daughter in law that I never saw again…so now I give WalMart gift cards and I don’t have to wonder what happened to the gifts I purchased!
Yeah you don’t do exchanges unless it doesn’t fit but your husband should always back you and stick up for you with his family,
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You Shouldn’t of returned the dresses, she picked those out and bought them herself. There’s nothing with dressing her up just for grandmas house.
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My kids grandparents burned in a 
.I never had the privilege of help from a grandparent.
She bought her pretty dresses I’m sure to show everyone she loves her grandbaby I have 4 grandbabies now and it would be easier of she just asked her son or you what the babygirl needs and wants.im sure she wanted to give her beautiful dresses because that’s what our grandparents did and I’m sure she wanted to have pictures of her all dressed up.be thankful you have someone who cares about her.you could be like me and raised your kids on your own with NO help none.
Take pics and send them when she is in them some people have nothing from what I read she is doing it with good justure
Take a picture of your daughter wearing the dress before you return it.
Send pictures to grandma with a note from your daughter.
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For the future… to avoid this.
Always take a photo of child in outfit and send it when you receive gifts for child.
When time permits print out pictures and put into an album to gift to the grandmother one day.
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Personally, I love to see my grandchildren dressed in the clothes and or shoes and or accessories that I have bought in them. That said, I do understand that sometimes it is just not feasible for the child to wear right away!!
And I do have to admit, there are a few times when I bought something for one of the older nieces or granddaughters that was a little small and they didn’t get to wear it at all but you know so give it to someone else and let them wear it !!
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i always put the outfit on them when they are going to the persons house who bought it
I cant even keep up with what is bought for my kids or by who. And truth be told… if i buy outfits for a baby, it doesn’t matter to me if I see then wear them or not. Clothing is a petty thing for her to be nasty to you over in my opinion.
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You did nothing wrong. They were a gift, and you returned them for something that she actually NEEDED. As a Grandmother should understand that since she is a parent herself. You get what the child needs, not keep things to appeases other people. Let her feelings be hurt, and if she chooses not to buy your child any more clothes… thats pretty damn spiteful. You are the Mother and your husband should support you. A gift should never come with strings attached. Thats why it’s called a gift: something bestowed or acquired without any particular effort by the recipient or without its being earned!
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If there is a next time, have her hire a photographer to come to her house and take pictures of the grandkids in the clothes she bought them, or you could do that. Get a student that takes pics in their spare time. Send her some nice photos of the kids in the clothes. Call it good. And call your husband a jerk. Meanwhile, try to let your inlaws know what your kids need in the clothing line - not what the inlaws think they need.
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Take photo in the outfit and mail.
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Never never exchange a gift, even if you hate it, that is just plain rude
Why are you writing a dissertation for something so trivial … let her grandma see her in the damn dress one time … children wear costumes to school … so what ?
As a grandma….I buy what my granddaughter likes (fingers crossed) but the receipt is with the gift and I would never be offended if the gift was exchanged. A good grandma wouldn’t care at all & would prob like to have hints about what to purchase. 
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I know that I DO like to see my Grandbabies in clothes that I buy them. I just like to see how cute they are. I would never expect the child to be dressed in them when I see them though. Just nice when I do. I don’t get upset if I DON’T see them.
I am now a grandma and I would love to see baby girl in what I buy for her, but it isn’t an expectation. I bought her $100 worth of cloth diapers and never seen her in one. I don’t expect pics but I appreciate them. There should be zero expectations on the parents (especially if it is an in law) to prove the gifts were worn. If it is something I really want to see on baby girl than I will just ask my dil if she can snap pic for me.
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Husband should back you. MIL is a big nasty bitch and yes I sincerely mean that. A gift should be for the recipient otherwise it is NOT a gift. I kicked my husband to the curb when his mother was nasty to me. Don’t take crap. Off anybody.
I am a grandma and a mother of 5. Listen, she can shove her dresses where the sun don’t shine. Those are not gifts, those are items given to you for your kid as a means of control. Your husband siding with her after she’s been disrespectful to you, nope 
, he needs to be backing you up as his wife. I 
if I step out of bounds my oldest son would 1. put me in my place immediately. 2. Back his wife up. 3. I would not be seeing my grandkids for a long time if I ever crossed that line. If this scenarios happened with my own MIL same thing I would expect with my husband’s reactions. His loyalty isn’t to his mother, obviously unless I was being the jerk in the equation which in your situation you are not the jerk. I wouldn’t accept any gifts other than a gift card so you or your kid has the freedom to choose what is actually needed and wAnted. I would not allow my kid any alone time with that grandma because she is going to always undermine you and teach your kid to disrespect you since she has zero respect for you. Gifts 
are freely given with no strings attached and no expectations, otherwise it isn’t a gift.
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As a grandmother I ask kids what the grandbabies need and go from there
I think your mother in law is wacko and you are worrying way too much. Your husband can deal with her nonsense if he wants to. They are both taking advantage of your sweet nature. They need to take a flying leap.
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Is mother in law a child??? She is so immature!!! Did you explain to her why you returned the dresses?? And tell your husband to stop being mamas boy, you are his wife and he is not helping the situation, all this drama is unnecessary and even worse is childish behavior from them!!! Your daughter does not need a drama queen as a Gma.
And your husband should tell his psycho mom to respect you,YOU ARE HIS WIFE!! You need to tell him off, this is not okay.
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Well thats pure stupidity…a grandparent should buy what the child needs and not what “they want to see them in”. Sounds incredibly selfish of the grandparent…
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Not her child, I deal with the same problem. I don’t accept them, I let it be known I can take care of my own child. I don’t like the I bought this n that thrown in my face either.
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Sounds to me like she just wants a reason to be mad. You do not have to dress your child in something just because someone gave it to them.
She wants to be mad. Let her.
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My ex’s mum brought my kids clothes. When they eventually wore the clothes. I took a nice photo and sent it to her so she got a chance to see them in the clothes but, I have never heard of anyone getting down right disrespectful because a grandchild isn’t wearing the clothes for them to see. Your daughter is at the age of dressing herself, what happens if she doesn’t want to wear those clothes at the time. Is the grandparent going to undress her and force clothes on her just so she can see. It’s wrong.
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Sounds like your husband isn’t a good husband if instead of understanding you and bring by your side likes to have the drama his mom brings and doesn’t think you’re worth standing up for.
Sounds like they’re both problems
Sounds a lot like they’re the couple and you’re the mistress tbh emotional incest is a very prominent thing
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Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. Am I obligated to dress my daughter in clothes given by grandma?
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My daughter in law made it clear early on that her tastes were more modern than mine when it came to clothes. I accepted that. So from then on I only gave money as a gift and she could pick out things that maybe they would not have been able to afford if I had not given the cash. We both understood each and it was less work for me to shop also. When Christmas came I just gave her the money, she shopped…and often got sale price bargains on Black Friday, and saved me the hassle of fighting crowds. She knew what her kids would like and I didn’t. She would drop the gifts at my house and I would wrap them and take them to their place for Christmas. There were no hard feelings and it worked out fine. I HAVE A GREAT DAUGHTER IN LAW.
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As a grandmother, the reason I buy my grandchildren clothes is to help my daughter and son-in-law. That’s the reality of it for me. They may not need the help, but it may give them extra money to pay for a babysitter for a date night once in awhile. Any gift I give is without strings attached. Otherwise it is no longer a gift but an item with expectations. Which is wrong. When birthdays and Christmas come around, I ask; what do you need or want? It’s FOR THEM, to be used in the way they want or need to use it. Not for me! I’m just happy I am in a position that I can gift them. That makes me happy.
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when I buy clothes for my grandchildren I always say if you dont like them feel free to take them back and get something else… end of story
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As a grandma I say explain it to MIL once , you returned the dresses for PJs that you baby needed and used. Send her pics of the baby nice and warm in said PJs . If she is not more concerned about the babies needs than her wants she needs to grow up herself
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It’s a shame you have let clothing come between a relationship. So what if they were fancy put them in the dresses to play in maybe they will feel special and like a princess. If you want pjs tell the grandma and let her buy them too. Sounds to me she just wants to be in the child’s life. Your mother in law will be dead and your going to regret not having gotten along with her better. Life is way too short to disagree over something so petty.
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You wont win with that one. Do the best you can.When she starts in with the nasty talk, walk away and ignore her. That says volumes . However, your husband should stick up for you and quit being a mamas boy. Make him aware of it.
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I have been a grandma for 14 years now, I’ve never heard of such a thing , my daughter is kind about me giving the kids things, and I never put her through anything like this, that grandma is selfish old bitty, I would make up excuses not to see her, avoid going around her as much as possible for your own well being, but I absolutely would not let her treat me this way Ever
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This is a control & manipulation issue. I would be more angry with my husband for not standing up. I would stop all effort to please & focus on non-toxic relationships. Let the husband take care of that relationship (the planning, the dressing, the visit) & tell everyone that you won’t be involved in an abusive relationship. Hard boundaries are worth it.
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Sounds a little unreasonable to me, as a grandma, I want my granddaughters to have things they are going to need. Clothing for children should be practical. If there’s a special event coming up or pictures or something, then by all means, buy a frilly dress with ruffles & shiny shoes, otherwise it’s simply a waste. Granddaughters are not dolls you can just dress up at will.
Edit: You’re not obligated to do anything. They’re your children. You’re the mama. I don’t know where the idea came from that grandparents don’t have to respect the wishes of parents, but it has to stop.
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Take a photo of your daughter in the clothes. If you need to return them then do so. I’m a grandmother and a gift that comes with strings is no gift. Also feel free to show this to your husband: YOU’RE SUPPOSED TO HAVE YOUR WIFE’S BACK. IT IS YOUR JOB TO JERK A KNOT IN YOUR MOTHER’S TAIL. UNLESS YOU WANT TO BE MARRIED TO YOUR MOTHER MAN UP AND BE A HUSBAND AND FATHER.
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Dress her up on said dress, take a pic and send to grandma. She will love it - then take dress of and done
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Sounds so damn petty. Fr. Some grandmas need to sit down and chill out and let the parents raise their children. Instead of her buying dresses why don’t she ask what said child needs? I mean come on. Grandma stop being a karen! And boyfriend/husband you need to be on your wifes side and have her back! Its your daughter she exchanged for. Remember that. You have your own family now. Time to cut those strings before you hang your life on it by losing important people by not having your wifes back!
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I use to buy clothes for 2 of my grandsons when they were babies, as they got older, I would give my daughter in law a credit card and tell her to shop for the boys, she is their mother and knows how she wants her boys dressed…it worked for both of us…
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Make sure she gets lots of pictures of your child in those clothes… You’re not doing anything wrong… Grandma, is insecure and a bit “light headed” life is rough when they concentrate on petty stuff… best of luck…
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Mothers need to let go of their children after they marry , stop controlling and being clingy, alow them to live their lives , humble yourself, accept your dil as a daughter . she left the comfort of her mothers home , form healthy relationships. As a mil i feel it begins with me. I don’t stress if i buy something for my babies and I never see it again
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You put the child in the outfit. Pose them and take a beautiful picture and send it to Grandma. Then what you want
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