While it isn’t ideal and it sucks and I would hate it too, it is their home. The only way you will be able to have things 100% your way is to move into your own space.
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Take it from me, it better to just move out. They are set in their ways and will not listen. To them even with scientific proof and everything they will not believe you put your energy towards moving out and forward.
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I would be irritated too however it is his house and you knew they were smokers before moving in. In all reality you can’t be too upset with him so if you don’t like it then move. I would understand if it’s something you didn’t know about before hand but you did so you kind of put yourself in that situation.
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I would be very angry. I made my point to all smoking visitors NO smoking in my home or vehicle.
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Not overreacting!
Third/fourth hand smoke is very bad for a baby!
Nope, 100% not ok. Id try to get out of their ASAP if they arent open to stopping. You can try showing them the research
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His parents are graciously trying to accommodate you & your family. They have offered for you to stay in their home. If the environment is not suitable to you, you should have declined and made other housing arrangements that DO suit your needs. You can’t expect to move into their home, then tell them what they can and can not do in their own home.
To avoid an uncomfortable situation for everyone, find another place to live … before they are out all of the expense of trying to convert their home to suit your needs.
I’m not saying you’re wrong for feeling the way you do … the baby’s health is the most important thing & as his mother, it’s your responsibility to protect him and provide a suitable environment for him. What I’m saying is that you chose the wrong environment, and now you are trying to fit a square peg in a round hole … it’s not going to work, no matter how much you try to force it.
To avoid the conflicts and resentments that are to come, you should relocate to a place of your own. This way, everyone will be happy & be able to get along.
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Or get a air purifier leave it inn 24/7 if you have to stay there.
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You are not overreacting. This is bad for your child’s health. Explaining that damage it can cause your baby to your fil might help. Have you asked him if he would be willing to step outside to smoke?
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Even putting the clothes in a dresser…they will still smell.
It’s a bit late to be trying to change his smoking habits. You just had his kid, right? If it’s not his kid, then, at the least you’re moved in with him and his parents. My question to you is…didn’t you think this through? I’m not being judge-mental, just asking a question.
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Definitely not ridiculous. Cigarette smoke sticks to EVERYTHING. When our sons were first born my husband would literally smoke a cigarette outside, come in and change his clothes before holding them. My grandparents ceiling turned brown from them smoking when it was originally white. You have a right to be concerned over your babies health. I would just explain your grateful for the help but your really concerned that the smoking could lead to respiratory issues. Hopefully they can understand your just trying to protect your little one which should be everyone’s top priority.
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I have never smoked.
My father was a chain smoker. Sometimes it would be so thick you could see it fill the room.
I am 52 and have been diagnosed with COPD last year. I think the best way to go about it would be to research it and print out all information and give it to them to read. They need to see for themselves the implications of it. Honestly if your FIL stops now. It could kill him. His body is not going to accept such a drastic change. It could cause a Heart Attack. But if you could share information that will bring him to the realization of what it WILL do to his GS he may start to respect you and him. Tell tell the parents you love them and CARE about them just as much as you love your husband. Change tactics. Go about it as them being important just as much as your family. But it’s all about respect and caring for the well being of you and your children. God bless. I pray you can get thru to them.
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Oh yikes that’s a big no. I’m a smoker and a mum, there’s no smoking in my house or car.
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Is there somewhere you and the baby can live away from there? People who are used to the smoke/smell don’t even realize how nasty that is smells and how it stays on your clothes, walls, etc. Good job looking out for your baby. I don’t think you are overreacting at all. I would not let anyone smoke in my house/car/near my kids.
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Hell no, id go stay literally anywhere else. They don’t even respect your baby or you.
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Wash your baby’s things daily. Get an air purifier. Open a window. Or find your own place. It’s like when I go to my grandmas house my grandpa smokes in the entry way and doesn’t care to go outside when I have the kids over but that’s their house.
WHY are you choosing to live with his mommy and daddy??? Why wouldn’t you both be working like crazy to have a place of your own??? You can make your own rules at YOUR home.
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You need to invest in a GOOD hospital grade air purifier like Rabbit Air. And use it in the basement.
Your father in law is down there working. Your baby is only 9 weeks old you say he stops smoking when you bring the baby down - can your husband help him finish off your walls so the father in law can be done cooking downstairs ?
Can you tactfully ask him to not smoke downstairs so the baby doesn’t breathe the lingering smoke? Or open a window ?
I’m more direct when people would smoke near my parrot I would straight up tell them “ Dino doesn’t smoke- move your cigarette out of this room”. But it was my house. You’ll need to be more gracious.
And your husband is a smoker ? That’s why he thinks you are being unreasonable
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I mean, yeah it’s shitty and not at all a situation I would want. My son has asthma, so no one smokes around him and I’d be pissed if someone did. But, it’s their house. I’m sure he was smoking in the basement long before you moved in. You can ask if he would stop smoking in the basement, but if he says no… I would move.
If I was doing something before someone moved in with me, and I was doing something I normally did, and they asked me politely, I’d consider stopping especially for that reason. But, it also isn’t something I’d HAVE to do.
It sucks, and I feel for you but it is their house.
Never mind the dust from renovating.
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Unfortunately since it isn’t your home you can’t ask someone not to smoke in their own home. 
You’ll create a big rift in the family if you press this issue. It sounds like they are being as considerate as can be by not smoking in your presence and trying to provide privacy. It’s their compromise by having you in their home and still living their lives. Your health concerns are warranted so I think you should work toward finding separate housing as soon as you and your family can move is probably best
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You are right about the 3rd hand smoke. When I was doing my nursing training at a child health place the nurse told me they had handed someone the baby who had just had a smoke and baby actually stop breathing (something to do with the messages that are sent to the brain from the smell of cigarette) despite this person washing up and changing top. ( don’t worry baby lived, started breathing again as soon as handed to a non smoker), So no, you are not overreacting. However it is not your house and alot of people from that generation don’t know nor believe all this new science. You could try explaining and educating but at the end of the day it’s not really your decision unfortunately. May need to look for some where else.
You are NOT Overreacting!!
Smoke of any kind is disgusting and that’s coming from a former smoker who now vapes
Im sorry you are going thru this I would be livid and honestly I would speak up and advocate for your babies health just like you are right now. Just be as gentle as possible … usually when you got to the pediatrician for anything they will ask you does anyone smoke in the house etc well maybe say it came up at a Drs appointment etc I feel horrible for you and the baby 1st 2nd 3rd hand smoke shouldn’t ever be in the same room/house as a child especially a baby
Will your partner switch to vaping instead of smokin? It’s a good start and so much less offensive then cigarettes smoke I’m sry you are dealing with this
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Definitely not okay… my husband smokes. We’re on baby number 3 and every baby I’ve had he has had to quit smoking in the house… this is a tiny baby and they shouldn’t be exposed to smoke… you’re husband should understand that and talk to his parents…
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Yes, smoking, the smoking smell and smoking residue is absolutely disgusting and terrible with lots of health side effects. BUT you are choosing to live in their home. You don’t get a say in what they get to do or don’t do in their home. If at all possible, you should get your own place.
Not ok at all. No one should be smoking indoors or in a Vehicle with a baby or child.
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I would try and find somewhere else to stay! I’m a smoker and that’s one of my biggest things, we go outside to smoke. Cigarette smoke lingers on everything and it’s gross! We started smoking outside when my son was a young teenager, just because he said that all of his stuff and his self stunk . So out of respect for him, we decided to go outside to smoke! He’s all grown up and out on his own now and we still go outside to smoke. I prefer my house to smell good all the time, I have a wax burner in a couple of rooms in my house and it smells great 
can you talk to your father in law at all? It’s a respect thing, in my eyes 
I understand it’s their home and they are helping you out but maybe put a bug in his ear about wanting to look for somewhere else to stay because of it
Can you put blankets up as temporary walls?
In Ontario it’s illegal to smoke in a car with your kids and on my recent hospital discharge papers they asked if baby was going to a smoke free home.
You can try to educate your in laws about the dangers of 3rd hand and hope they care enough to go outside but if they’ve been smoking in that house the damage is done, it is very hard to remove smoke from a home. If you have any other options for somewhere to live it’s best to explore them. Good luck Mama, big hugs to you, that’s a lot of stress for a first time Mama with such a young baby. 
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Get your own place then! It is harmful to a child to be around 2nd hand smoke, but you knew they smoked before you had a child that costs more to raise than you and your partner make on your own, not being able to provide for your child is also harmful to a child’s health, ya think?
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I believe it is totally inconsiderate to smoke around a newborn and their things. Unfortunately you are in a situation of it being their house and they can do what they want when they want. You should find a place of your own as soon as you are able. The living situation seems hostile and will become extremely toxic the longer you stay.
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I hate to say this but it’s there house. You need to get your own place or have a talk about the harm the smoke can cause the baby.
Move… their house, their rules.
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Went through this for 14yrs…… I did everything to protect my children from first, second and third hand smoke. I was ALWAYS getting into argument with my husband and his family were going around bagging me and telling people I wouldn’t let them see the kids, when they chose to not see them in a clean, smoke free environment.
Note: I don’t live with them and his father refused to come see the grandchildren even in our house because of the no smoking policy and having to wash hands before handling any of the children.
Sadly, in the end, his father and many other have died from smoking related cancers.
Unfortunately, your big mistake is moving in with them.
At the end of the day, you now have a choice, either live with it, or move on, because the fact is, you don’t have your partners support on putting not only your child’s health but your health first……. then he is not the life partner you need. Take it from me, this matter alone can and will affect your marriage.
Now if you decide to stay, just makes sure he has life insurance, because clearly he doesn’t care about his own health, as he himself has been subjected to smoke his whole life 
.
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No ur not overreacting! You are 100% correct … the smoke clings to EVERYTHING and stinks. Tell “Henrys” dad how u feel. Tell him this is for HIS grandsons well being… we all know the risks of second hand smoke for babies … SIDS! For one!! And the list goes on!
I smoked for years. 22 to be exacy. Never smoked in the house. You need to find a new place to live unfortunally. As a non smoker now, its kills me to think what I put my familt through
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Nah. I’ve requested that everyone smoke outside when we visit. Yes, even in their own home. It’s not about you and it’s not about them. It’s about that baby.
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I would be concerned too if I were you. If it’s any consolation at all, I grew up with a mother who smoked in the house in the ca literally all the time around me. My grandmother, and aunts smoked around me too all the time. Then I worked in restaurant and bars for 10yrs Before they changed the law about smoking. I have had (what I feel like) is an enormous exposure to second and third hand smoke. I have never smoked and I’m 40 and healthy as a horse. So if you are stuck there just do you best to keep things away from they area. (Put baby clothes and other baby items that you can in gallon ziplocks or those big ziplocks that you can pack stuff in. That will help protect them in the mean time.
You are not over reacting and I totally would be the same way, just thought it might provide you with. Little comfort to know all the smoke I was around and I’m ok. 
good luck
You are absolutely 100% correct that baby should not be around any second hand smoke. It is extremely dangerous that it is around his clothing but more disturbing that you put him in a bassinet to sleep in where he is exposed to second hand smoke. SIDS that’s all I can think of. While your points are valid the consequences of your choices are this. It’s their home their rules. I don’t care what anybody says having a whole family move in with you whether it’s your grandson and children or not is difficult. I moved back home 13 years ago when I left my daughter’s dad my parents cleaned some shelves off in the garage that’s the only place they had for us to store our stuff like clothes toys etc. We slept on an air mattress every night and deflated it in the morning. I was grateful I didn’t have to keep the stuff in my trunk. We did what we had to do I got my crap together and got her and I our own place. They don’t owe you anything. Part of being a parent is putting your child first and doing whatever it takes to keep them safe.
You live in someone else’s home. He has the right to smoke in his own home. It’s HIS. You should have considered the issue before moving in. You don’t have the right to tell him he can’t. What you can do, is move.
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His house and you should know that, you can always move out with your baby!!
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If he stops smoking and it does linger it is his house but could be considerate so the baby doesn’t smell like smoke but I’d move
Third hand smoke is a very real thing. I honestly wouldn’t stay with anyone who was willing to put my child’s health in danger. Him even going outside to smoke then coming in brings the chemicals with him. I personally wouldn’t risk it. I do not want people who smoke to be around my children period 
you can kill yourself but you don’t get to decide that for my children and myself.
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I would find somewhere else to live. In the meantime you could get a plastic bin with a cover that seals to store his clothing and bedding in. I would also ask my partner to finish the wall work so your FIL doesn’t need to be down there. That’s really only a temporary solution though since you will really need to find a smoke free place to live.
Unfortunately if they have always smoked in their house, everything has smoke on/in it. Sitting on the furniture will be exposing him to years of smoke. It’s so gross and I do not understand how anyone knowingly exposes their children or grandchildren to this…it literally blows my mind that with all the science proving how harmful it is, that people still do this! HOWEVER this is their house. You are living in their house and he is building a wall for you. You can’t really expect them to stop smoking in their house. Best of luck finding safe & healthy housing.
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id say move out asap the whole house is full of cig smoke and its there house so they wont stop find new place for you n baby
This infuriates me! I was SUPER ANAL about cigarette smoke around my baby. I made sure EVERYONE that wanted to be around my baby that smoked, changed their clothes, brush their teeth and wash their hands before touching my baby lol there is NO WAY I’d allow anyone (don’t care who you are) to smoke near my baby. This is a really horrible and unhealthy environment for a baby. Please move, if he’s everything to you and no one respects your boundaries when it comes to your baby, then there’s your answer right there. Everyone respected my wishes when it came to my rules of no smoke whatsoever near my baby, because they respect and care about me.
As bad as it is that he is smoking. His house his rules
It’s horrible for your baby
I feel like this was a conversation that should have been considered before moving in as you and partner were obviously already aware that they smoke and do so in their home. You can’t move in and then start making demands on people who are helping you out and letting you invade their space. If this was a big issue for you I would have ensured they wouldn’t be smoking in the house before moving on in. When your space is finished you can talk to them(or ask your partner to) about not smoking in your area so you have a smoke free area for baby to be. The best solution for you tho is to move out of the in laws and get your own place and make your own rules
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I would move. My babies health is always number 1
Move baby in perfect they would quit smoking in the house period but they won’t it’s their home and they can do as they please unfortunately at the expense of your child’s help get your own so you can make the rules love I’m not saying what they’re doing is right but it their shit so……
They going to pay the doctor bills when your baby is constantly sick or develops asthma when they get a bit older. It’s gross af to smoke in your house anyways, I’d politely ask for him not to and explain the heath concerns and if you get met with ignorance start looking for a place bc that’s BS.
It’s not healthy and you are very right in being concerned. I’d move asap.
I stopped reading, u need to move if ur that worried .
Nah, your not over reacting. If they think you are, they just need to be educated. You should sit them down and talk about it. If they refuse to take it seriously, you should move.
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Keep your babies stuff in a garbage bag till you get a dresser. Can’t you ask him to not smoke down there. I bet he wouldn’t if you asked
Communicate. Educate them on how smoking around the baby can affect him. Sit down with them and talk to them about it because it’s their house. Henry thinks you’re overreacting, but maybe his parents would understand better. They probably think you don’t mind at all.
Better to communicate…I’m sure they’d be happy to smoke outside or not anywhere near the baby because it’s their grandson’s health we’re talking about.
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No your not over reacting a baby shouldn’t be around smoke but unfortunately it is his house I’d move
Communication, speak with the family kindly… I hope they understand 
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Go to your mothers . It’s there home .
I see 2 sides. You live in their house but it is SO BAD for your baby. I would ask that either they smoke outside or you need to find a new place to live
You need to move out. 2nd and 3rd hand exposure is just as bad. Also everything in the house is covered in all the crap from smoking. The floor, the walls, the countertops, it’s in the washing machine and dryer…. Literally everything. The only way to minimize contact for your child’s health is to move out. And strip all the fabric as best you can. But that stuffs gonna be in any bottles, the car seat, the baby bed, etc.
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Tell him not to smoke in the house
U shouldnt have kids
Ok, so y’all are adults with a child. Why do you not have your own place? It’s their house so they make the rules. A conversation might help but move out and get your own place. Your house, your rules.
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No, you’re not overreacting but it is their house. Y’all need to move ASAP.
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As the older generation and a smoker I somewhat agree with Ashley Farrell. I don’t smoke around my grandkids nor do I in my home. But that said I disagree with her saying about disrespect. It’s their home and the gave the right to do as the please. If you don’t like it move
It’s his house. In order to assert some control, you’ll need to get your own place.
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You’re not overreacting , that smoke is nasty man . You cant go to a family members house ? You gotta make a stand for your baby … it’s absolutely ridiculous that they dont seem to care about your very small child
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Definitely not overreacting!
I was told by my children’s allergy specialist that the smoke settles in the fabric of curtains, carpet, clothing etc…and when breathed causes membranes in the nasal cavity to rupture. My kids were on two different allergy meds a day and when my ex husband smoked in the house they were constantly sick. You are not overreacting, it’s a big deal.
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There is help if you look for it!
Don’t continue to live like this!
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Yea that’s not cool. They should know better enough to go outside. I’d be upset too. This isn’t the 80s anymore lol but it is their home if they don’t want to make the change and just have the occasional cig in house if baby’s not around one thing but to be constantly smoking in house especially in your space isn’t good but what can u really do about it. Your husband should back you up and say something maybe
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Apologies for dropping this here but it feels too great to stay quiet, Good work needs recommendations.
C oonnect with Mrs
Unfortunately it’s their house and thankfully and at least they aren’t smoking with your son in the room. I understand finances are tight, but you should probably invest in an air cleaner and a fan to point towards the door and have both running on high all day long (once the room is built). My adult daughter lived with her grandfather who smokes a 
-ton and she was able to keep her things from smelling like cigarettes and from affecting her asthma by using the air cleaner with a fan pointing at the door. A quick cheap fix would be to purchase some cheap plastic containers and put baby’s clothes and bedding in a plastic bag inside of the container.
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People who smoke don’t give a crap about their health or anyone else’s!
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No your not over reacting. I’m a smoker and I would change my clothes and sanitize and wash my hands before going near my baby
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Selfish people don’t change! You would have to not have a brain to not know smoking( period) causes many health issues, specially to a baby! Move move move! These people don’t care!
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Definitely NOT overreacting,at all!
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I keep smiling anytime I invest with her, she is is good at what she does, she’s an expert trader:point_down:
ALL 3 of MY Kids Ended up with Difficult, Different Issues until I finally came Across this SITUATION. I Immediately put a STOP to MY ex Smoking in the HOUSE AND CAR after MY SON Almost DIED from a Brain Issue from ALL the Second hand smoke. ALL their health Issues have filled them to Adulthood. My SON A Severe Broncial Asthmatic, My dest Daughter with 2 + Ear Surgeries in YOUNG Childhood, and My Youngest Daughter with terrible Issues. You really need to find a way to Get your Baby out of that Environment.
You’re not overreacting! Stand your ground! Unfortunately when you’re living with someone else though, you may not have much control.
I fought SO much with my parents about this, I refused to take my kids over to their place and they constantly were mad at me but it is what it is.
I actually, unfortunately, am a smoker but I have split custody with my kid’s dad and I won’t smoke when they are with me, for 3-4 days. I don’t even like the smell of it. And when we are at social events, if someone is smoking, I will keep my kids away from them until they’re done.
Don’t let anyone make you feel like you’re overreacting or crazy, you’re looking out for your family!
Best to move. I mean your partner just thinks that the normal. Because he’s dad does it all the time. My kids grandfather smokes in his back room in his house. It goes thru the whole house. Smells so bad. I’ve ask my partner if he can ask his pop if he can smoke outside when our kids go over and he says “he’s been doing it for 50 yrs I don’t think he’s ganna stop now” which is annoying but true lol
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You are very correct but unfortunately you can’t control someone else house I would try to get some housing assistance and get your own place tell them you are homeless with a baby that might get you moved up on a list
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I smoke but I do not smoke inside or while near my daughter or even if she’s not home I won’t smoke inside !! And my parents at their house smoke inside but when we go over there they smoke outside. I would expect no smoking in a house im staying in . I live at my FIL and when my daughter was born even tho it caused MAJOR arguments my partner stuck up for our just born daughter and put his foot down and said idc if it’s his house no smoking inside !
Your partner should say something 
it’s not as a dislike too the dad it’s a safety concern for your baby
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Move out ,it’s their home . I personally don’t think you shld smoke in the house with kids but again it’s their house
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No, I don’t think you’re overreacting at all. As a former smoker, I find it absolutely disgusting to smoke inside and cannot comprehend how anyone would think smoking in their home with a baby is okay. Nonetheless, you are still living in their home… as selfish as I personally believe it is, you are at their discretion. If you haven’t had the conversation with them already, maybe have it? They could be incredibly receptive and be perfectly fine with going outside.
My mother was told to quit smoking several times, she never smoked in her life, but everyone else in the house her entire life smoked. She had the top lobe of her right lung removed because of second hand smoke
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Their house, when you move into your own house you make the rules
Take the baby and leave! Apply for assistance and leave! Tell everyone that they can’t see baby boy unless they are smoke free! Clean clothes! Bathe and shampooed hair! It will kill your baby!!
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Unfortunately it’s their house, you can try and Voice your concerns but at the end of the day if they don’t want to you really can’t make them. Your either going to have stay somewhere else or deal with it.
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Not only does the smell linger the nicotine sticks to everything and it’s near impossible to get rid of so it continuously omits toxin into your lungs… the more the worse it is.
It sticks to walls, clothes furniture everything.
I house sat and looked after my kids at their dads while he and his gf went away and the whole apartment was yellow and reeked of cigarette smoke… every time my kids would come to me after his weekend their hair would smell of smoke and this is all despite them smoking on the balcony, maybe at times with the balcony door open…
You aren’t being unreasonable nor are you overreacting! But if they won’t stop then get out.
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You’re living in somebody else’s house. I smoke. But I smoke outside and I have for years. And what one someone’s letting you into their house out of their own generosity and building things to make life better for you and more private I don’t know? Maybe you just have to take your son for more walks or find a place to live on your own…
It’s kinda tough.
Actually it’s really tough. I sympathize for you but in the same sense if someone told me what I could or couldn’t do in my house I’d probably tell them to hit the bricks?
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No you’re not overreacting at all. Tbats a valid health concern and very bad for anyone especially young babies. But there’s not.much you can do when you’re living in someone else’s home, short of moving out. If they are stuck in their ways in their home you can’t do anything besides voice your concerns and they don’t have to change anything tbey do. It’s theor home. That said this is your child. Your child’s life is more important than anything else. I would bring them some resources like articles, science, stories and research about this exact subject. Take the hubby and his mom to a baby dr apt and speak to the dr about all this in front of them. The dr will 100% back you up and show them the dangers of smoke anywhere around a baby. Let the dr tell them how bad it is.
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If your worried about that trust me you don’t know the half of it don’t vaccinate you kid that’s for starters my daughter almost died and my son because I was stupid has scars they killed one of the scientist who use to make them because she came out with all kinds of official documents showing how it’s basically population control scary stuff she came out after her first child was born
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Tell him to look into SIDS. Smoke exposure increase chances of SIDS.
It’s time to make an exit plan.
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i dont like the smell of smoke myself, would not lett my baby smell it either. jour not overreacting at all.
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It can cause SIDS.
I’m not sure how walls will help prevent the stink of smoke when his workshop is in basement where ur home will be?
Make it awkward now and ask if he can smoke outside Becuz the smell lingers inside basement. If u can’t stand up to him now then it will make things even worse later . Your husband should be supporting you and baby in this.
Try to get a new place to live Becuz I can already tell this isn’t a long term home. Get air filters and leave back door open to ventilate. Put baby clothes in a plastic tub with lid.
He really doesn’t have to smoke while building walls up.
I cannot sympathize with smokers.
I really can’t stand the smell of smoke. I also have asthma and smoke gives headaches. It’s very toxic for babies. Show ur husband the research u have done. Take him to ur child’s dr. Appt and have the dr. Tell ur husband , professional opinion will open his eyes.
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