Am I overreacting?

I am sorry you feel so strongly about porn. Have you considered watching it with him and including it in your bedroom time? It may make your marriage better. If you can’t beat em, join em…… or leave. Good luck

Get over it …grow up

25 Likes

I’m sorry for you the world is so immoral any more. But also you have been with him so long his shit will soon stop functioning . That’s why so many older men take Viagra and end up having heart attacks. I do think however that your letting it bother you too much. It’s him with the problem not you.

It’s porn…. Him helping himself is a perfectly natural thing…. Almost everyone masturbates…. It’s not like he’s finding random girls to send him nudes or videos…. I honestly think you’re over reacting to a normal humanly occurrence

Here’s the thing you don’t like it you’ve expressed it and he continues to do it. That is disrespect. It doesn’t matter what other people think of it. It doesn’t matter if your neighbors down the street watch porn together. It makes YOU uncomfortable. Every person is not the same. He knows it upsets you. With that being said he likes porn. Some people just do men and women both. Is it a deal breaker? There is a difference between fantasy and addiction. Just because he fantasizes doesnt mean he doesn’t love you or wants to change your sex life… Do you feel your relationship is suffering? Do you feel that you can’t get past this? If it’s been bothering you for 24 years then it’s probably time to leave. You just can’t change other people.

Every marriage should have boundaries that aren’t crossed to allow for trust. If this is a really important boundary to you, then I absolutely feel like it’s an issue. The fact that he is unwilling to stop completely says more about him than it does about the porn. He could stop if he wanted to, but he obviously doesn’t. It doesn’t matter what anyone else says about you “getting in on it with him to ‘spice things up’”.

I say you start doing it too. In front of him… By him… wherever. Hell… Have him catch you having some fun with yourself while you’re watching porn. Give him a taste of his medicine :nail_care:t4::zap::skull::smirk_cat:

This shit always gets me. Like I get that internet porn wouldn’t have been big for you prior to marriage so you wouldn’t have probably set that boundary, but I literally have a massive anxiety disorder and still don’t get this “porn means he’s cheat” or “porn means I’m not enough” mentality. Is he having less sex than normal with you because of porn? If the answer is no then why the fuck does it matter? Is he watching it in inappropriate places? Again probably no.

You allowed it in the beginning by not putting boundaries up or giving him an ultimatum on what would happen if it happens again so he knows he can look at it and nothing big will come of it which is why he continues it. He doesn’t care if it breaks your heart or not honestly. You need to decide what u want to do.

Honey your turning into a huge ordeal when it’s not have you ever sat and watched porn its nothing to be feared nor should you let something like this have such a huge part in your marriage

1 Like

Once is a slip, twice or more is a choice he chooses to watch porn, you need to choose to either accept this or change your circumstances because you won’t change someone who thinks there is nothing unhealthy in what they are doing.

This isn’t an addiction. He’s just male. Lots of men and women watch porn. If my SO told me to stop watching porn, I’d show him the door. How controlling. This sounds like you have issues that are making this a problem that you probably should see someone about. He’s not cheating, I don’t see the big deal. If he’s choosing porn/masturbating over intimacy with you, then it’s your choice to stay or go. But he shouldn’t be made to feel bad for doing something natural and he shouldn’t have to say sorry for your issues.

:unamused::roll_eyes: he’s probably just trying to find some ideas for spice or enjoys the entertainment. He is probably bored with y’all’s sex life. There is nothing wrong with watching porn, it’s not like he is cheating on you… Maybe try something new to make him less curious about what they do and more about what y’all do.

I wouldn’t be ok with my husband watching porn either. If it truly makes you that unhappy you have Choices. My husband and I have only been married 6 years and I’m already excepting he’s not going to change. I would imagine after 25 years you already know that too. I’m sorry he’s disrespecting you like that.

Everyone has their way on how they feel about sex with their partner . For people to tear her down on her feelings says a lot about them until they are the ones getting screwed over by their significant other . Only you will decide to either leave after him not validating how you feel and start over or ignore his hobby of porn and swallow your pride and ignore it to preserve 24 years of what you built . He’s made it clear in his way he is not stopping . Leave or swallow your pride and ignore to save face out in public . It’s your choice through all these answers .

There is only a few questions to ask. For 1
Do you get turned on by absolutely anything on the TV? Movie? Etc?
Did you set boundaries?
Did you tell him not to?
Did you express your feelings? Did you try to help him with his?

Some of u women are freaking pathetic. Stop telling her to “watch it with him” or “get over it”. When someone has an issue with something and their spouse does it anyways that is disrespectful and shows that they do not care nor love them. It doesn’t matter if u think its ok or ur ok with it. Quit with the shaming other women. Watch porn and getting off to another woman is considered cheating Idk what anyone else says or thinks its ok. To the op im sorry ur going through this and please do not listen to these childish women who think its ok to shame u for how u feel. Men that watch porn are cheaters and they are disgusting. If he is not willing to be respectful then u need to leave him plain and simple

Maybe the lady needs to rethink what she is doing wrong and stop being uptight.

3 Likes

Okay have you ever put to him in making your own video together? So instead of watching porn he can watch the videos of you both …just a idea.

I don’t understand the deal why so many women upset by their partner watching porn. I mean we all have fantasies right? I personally think you are in the wrong. It’s not an everyday thing.

Watch it with him. Sorry but all men look at porn.

Yes you’re overreacting. Lots of people watch porn. You are trying to take away his right to do something he enjoys that isn’t hurting you, he’s not cheating or talking to other women, try to consider your partners needs and feelings.

How would He feel if the roles were reversed?

5 Likes

Has he ever physically stepped out in your relationship? How is your guy’s sex life? Do you both feel satisfied in what each other bring to the table? What bothers him about you? Has that changed? I’m not saying your feelings are not justified, but 24 years for something that isn’t an addiction maybe just a pleasure and to continue to let it bother you this badly… is rather extreme. In 24 years and this is his biggest issue. I say your pretty lucky! But if you can’t live another 24 years like this then step away. Its just a matter of what makes you happy at this point or maybe this is only a underlying issue to the real issue?

Look. Regardless of what other peoples beliefs are. If those boundaries were laid out within your relationship and he continues to ignore them, you’re justified in your hurt. Nobody can belittle you for that. You’re not over reacting at all. Personally after laying out those boundaries, once they were crossed there’s be no coming back from there. Be strong. :two_hearts:

25 Likes

Porn is incredible it’s like the state fair; there’s something for everybody! Lol you’re missing out! :slightly_smiling_face:

Don’t settle that’s not okay. If you have expressed it bothers you that he views that stuff then he should respect you and your feelings enough to put them ahead of his sinful desires and stop doing it.

The husband is supposed to love his wife as he loves himself.

13 Likes

If I may ask, Why do so many women find it offensive if their man watches porn??

That’s gross. Find a man who is turned on by you. Eww

7 Likes

It hurts you.
You’ve expressed this to him.
He chooses to hurt you.
Now you get to decide if you want to be with a man who disregards your feelings or if you’d rather respect yourself and walk away.

13 Likes

She isn’t wrong to be concerned. He needs to get help or get out. It took 17 years for me to realize my husband was serial cheating with porn and with other women and that he would never stop. I still miss him and he has now passed away, but I couldn’t live with the pain another day.

24 years? Woah. I’m just gonna say there’s maybe other problems there. There’s definitely more to this story. Too late now I’d say you should have set boundaries I dunno 23 years ago then.

4 Likes

24 years too late to set boundaries now. Also it’s just videos

I mean it’s been 24 years, as far as I see it you have two options. You could leave or you could get the fuck over it. It’s none of ANYONES business what that man has on his phone. It’s natural to please yourself he might need a little help in doing so.

Why are people so bothered by porn ?? I don’t get it , it’s a normal thing to do , women do it too…… would you rather he be out having sex with other women?

It’s emotional cheating.

11 Likes

Nothing wrong with looking at porn as Long he not cheating on you why u worrying about that its h

If its not everyday all day long who cares. Watch it with him you may spice things up & have fun!

3 Likes

Pornography has single handedly destroyed human kind. I’d be upset too. If he can’t stop watching it and you won’t ever be okay with that, leave his ass. Life is too short to spend your time being broken hearted and upset.

Talk to a counselor…both of you…together.

3 Likes

What’s wrong with watching it?

12 Likes

I will never understand why a person watching porn while in a relationship is a bad thing. I’ll never be able to wrap my head around that. We are all human we all have needs. If he likes beating off to some porn then why is that a problem? Do you seriously think because you are in a relationship that he HAS to only desire you and you only? He’s not out here stickin it in other people he’s looking at a fantasy of his and getting off. Why is him getting off not okay? Because you aren’t the one controlling it? I’m not being a bitch I want someone to seriously tell me why it’s a problem for them. I have never had any one explain that to me. I personally feel like you have to choose your battles… & him watching porn does not mean he doesn’t want you. You think he rather look at other people doing it than him get to do it himself? He’d much rather be having sex with an actual person than looking at a screen and beating off… I feel like if that bothers you so much then you are going to live a life of being hurt. Something that small and stupid hurts you that much then I can only imagine what else hurts you… you’ll never not be hurt if everything hurts you. I just don’t get it and no one has ever been able to explain it to me for me to understand why that matters. How dumb. Now if he’s looking at pictures or videos of someone you know personally and beating off then be mad all you want.

A lot of women and men watch porn. That’s a reality. But there is a line I feel like, if he’s using it to escape/like a drug per se then that’s definitely an issue of possible addictive behavior. I do agree with the other ladies that since you’ve told him how it makes you feel and he continues it does seem like a lack of respect. Maybe try therapy by yourself to get to the root of why it bothers you so much. Then add him in to be able to discuss it that way.

It’s porn, grow up. masturbating is completely normal and healthy, maybe you’re not satisfying him sexually so he has to watch porn

Hate to say this but just looking at other women or men is like having affair.
Thats why it hurts?so much.
He or she should not do things if they know it hurts. Their partner.
If they do it’s?not True LOVE.

7 Likes

If you have been married for 24yrs and that the biggest issue yous have then I would say you are winning at marriage.

22 Likes

Definitely get into counseling together

2 Likes

I don’t get why people are laughing porn isn’t something that everyone thinks is normal within a relationship and there’s nothing wrong with that

Leave? If you’ve been “battling” it for so long just leave he doesn’t care about your feelings otherwise he would stop.

I have no issue with porn personally and don’t really understand why others do. It’s not my place to understand because I’m not in the relationship, so please don’t come at me that it’s emotional cheating. I get that. It’s emotional cheating TO YOU.

Cut him out it’s wrong in the eyes of God… It’s worst than cheating… He fantasises about other women and of mind guys that watch porn can become pedrofiles later… You will never be able to compete with his fantasies… Straight out he doesn’t respect you and real man don’t do porn… He has slept with so many women is his mind… He is just using your body…

I’d kicking him out I wouldn’t care about the 24 . It’s the worst thing you can do to your wife…

12 Likes

What you allow is what will continue. 24 years?! Stop settling and start living.

3 Likes

Wonder if my finacee feels the same about my porn watching lol :thinking:
He’s never said anything… although he himself doesn’t enjoy it, he doesn’t seem phased if I do.

Porn isnt the issue…the issue is he is not respecting you or your feelings. What works for one relationship may not work in others. If this is the biggest issues in 24 years you are doing great.
Perhaps try some counseling or sex therapy.

If that’s your biggest issue let him have it.

5 Likes

You can actually put a block on his phone , home computer etc and you are the only one with the access code. But you also need to explain to him how disrespectful it is you and your marriage

4 Likes

I personally don’t have a problem with it & don’t consider it cheating. I think it’s a reach to consider it cheating. However, that is me & we all have different boundaries. I want to know - how does him watching directly effect you? Is he less intimate? Is he less affectionate towards you? Is your sex live good? Have you asked him why he watches it? What type of porn is he watching?? It may sound nuts - but there is many types of porn & not all of it is gross. I would not get divorced after 24 years without really discussing it & asking him some tough questions. Good luck!

Fuck id be watching porn with him. Its not like he is fucking in the porn, hes just watching. I don’t get it, hes not cheating on you. Now if he was watching nothing but gay porn you have a issue. Let the man be a damn man. Why do women feel so insecure over porn.

Ur over reacting lol it’s jus porn :sweat_smile:

Don’t listen to half of these rude a— women. You are entitled to your feelings. In my relationship we have a no porn rule either. It’s basically cheating, it’s looking at other people’s genitals and their naked bodies. For me, if I catch you once you have one more chance. If I ever catch it again I’d be done. It hurts, it makes you feel like your not good enough. You should ask him to go to counseling. There is a such thing as p*rn addiction, maybe you guys can find out why he feels the need to watch it. Maybe you just need to try new things in the bedroom together :slightly_smiling_face:

I highly doubt men watch porn for the “hot women”. Y’all know they fake it right. Even when they “finish” it’s 95% fake. Also don’t think they watch porn start to finish, just get to the good parts,get off and go back to whatever they were doing

I guess because it doesn’t bother me, I don’t see what the issue is. But if it’s bothering the OP, perhaps the two of you need a third party to open up the lines of communication more deeply to help the understanding as to why it bothers the OP so greatly and why the SO continues doing so. To me, there are bigger things to be worried about and upset about, but that’s just me and it’s not my relationship or marriage.

9 Likes

You guys need couples therapy. But this hasn’t been boundary for you because you’ve stayed. You may not like it but it hasn’t been a hill and he knows that. If it’s now a hill for you then it needs to be addressed.

But you don’t get to control his personal sexual life. He can do with his body as he likes bc it’s his. Trying to co tell how he touches himself isn’t going to end well for the relationship. Would you want him to tell you no more romance novels bc it gives you ideas or no more romcoms bc of the unrealistic relationship ideas it portrays? Has he forced you to watch porn against your will? Has he forced to reenact it in some way? Has he forced you to continuously check his masturbation habits? Does he also control you and what you use?

Your over reacting porn isn’t cheating

1 Like

Idk why people laugh at this… it is wrong. PERIOD! Eyes are fir your wife, and supposed to only be for your wife. Your feelings are completely valid. No porn is not OKAY. No matter who tries to validate it. It’s. Not. Right.

You too old for middle school games. Its porn, its not cheating.

Oh good grief let the man be a man. They all look at porn. Some are better at hiding it then others. Has nothing to do with how they feel about us. Ladies you would be much happier if you stopped snooping through your man’s phone.

I use to get up set. But at the end of the day, as long as doesn’t step out on you. It’s really not a big deal. Mind you it took me 10 yrs to get to this point. Men will do it regardless.

4 Likes

It’s just porn. Watch it with him. But he is his own person and you can’t control what he does. There’s nothing wrong with watching porn and he shouldn’t have to hide it. :woman_shrugging:t2:

Porn is just watching. Not like he is joining the ladies. As long as he is in your bed nightly I don’t understand what the big deal is. At least he isn’t one of those men that peek in windows or under dressing room stalls. You let it go for that many years and now you want to have a problem with it??

Honestly there is nothing wrong with watching it. My hubby watches it, maybe try watching with him.

9 Likes

Watch it with him .better him just watching than go out looking

4 Likes

I watch porn as does my bf. Neither of us disrespect each other ever. Every relationship is different, your happiness is key and if you can’t handle it then maybe this relationship isn’t good for your mental health and that is priority. I used to get jealous but I know my man loves me and even if other women look good, they aren’t me

1 Like

Men are wired to look at and fantasize about women. There are some guys that don’t have a minutes twang that they can act on their desires and not feel guilty about doing it. Then there’s men who look at porn and fantasize, but would never break their vows physically. Men like to look….it’s part of who they are. They was made like that to keep the species to continue to grow. Mans desire for as many partners for sex, combined and tempered with how most women only desire their man and no others that they actively pursue, but might think about is how we have been designed.

Okay so hear me out. I don’t like it either and sometimes it hurts my feelings. But at the end of the day. He’s coming home to me, he loves me, he pays for my life style so I don’t have to work and can stay home with our kids, he’s an amazing dad and husband and basically gives me everything I want. With all of that considered I feel like I need to check myself when I’m gettting riled about p*rn. When we began our relationship I told him I didn’t care about it as long as he didn’t choose it over intimacy with me, or as long as it didn’t effect our lives. It hasn’t done either of those things so :woman_shrugging:
How I deal with it, is to force myself not to think about it. Straight up I ignore it. It’s the only thing I ignore because I understand that it’s a “me” problem because I know it’s not a big deal and I’m jealous for no good reason.

11 Likes

Sounds like insecurity issue’s

13 Likes

Funny the amount of females in here that think watching porn is a bad thing… at least he not sticking in another chick and just using his hand on HIM SELF

For 24 years you have stood by while this was going on, now you ask what you can do because it is breaking you. You have set your standards. Your choice is either to look the other way, get counseling or walk

11 Likes

Maybe watch it with him, maybe he’s missing something in the relationship spice it up alittle and try new things with him. I feel like watching pork should be the least of your worries he’s not out cheating. Maybe the issue is not with him but with yourself try something new 24 yrs is along time new excitement.

13 Likes

If I may( from a mans view). Married 25 years or wtv. I can almost bet the sex life isn’t what it used to be . As a man in a committed relationship. I much rather have sexual relations with my loved one than watching a a Video as I can say 99% of all men do . But when the woman doesn’t have the drive to show there man that attention anymore they look at porn . I say praise that man for watching porn and being faithful to his wife . He could be out having relationships with other woman but obviously he wants her but isn’t getting the attention he needs from his wife …? Again this is a mans look at this topic so I am just telling u how I see it …but most of the time a man watches porn he just isn’t getting the attention he needs from his loved one . :man_shrugging:

Why don’t you make videos with him and then he can watch y’all. That way it’s still porn but at least it’s your own.

It’s his to touch and do what he wants with he been touching it since he was a kid and will continue to until his final days… with or without porn!!!

1 Like

Watching porn doesn’t mean you’re addicted to it or missing something in the relationship. It’s human nature. You shouldn’t even know when he does. Just because you’re married doesn’t mean you have to know every little thing he does. Even married people need personal time.

You’re not over reacting. It changes people who have addictions to it. It’s usually part of a bigger problem IF it truly is an addiction. (My ex was a sex addict through and through and an alcoholic).
I came to realize after my divorce that that’s a deal breaker for me when in a relationship.

Don’t listen to women who say you’re over reacting. Don’t listen to men who say it either.

There’s may studies that note how porn changes brain chemistry, contributes to ED, contributes to unhappiness in marriage- etc.

If you have expressed the pain it causes and he continues to do it- maybe it’s time for couples counseling.

Don’t listen to women who say to “watch it with him” and “try the things he watches WITH him”… as this isn’t a solution and usually makes it worse. Trust me. Been there.

You know your heart. If this is a deal break for you, then so be it!
You deserve to be comfortable in a relationship.

Women are really out here mad af that their man watches porn. Porn does not mean he’s cheating. Porn does not mean he doesn’t like you anymore. It does not mean you’re not satisfying him enough. It means he’s a freaking human being like the rest of us. I understand it might make you feel insecure, but you’re doing it to yourself with making a big deal out of him watching it. Just let it go, tell him not to watch it when you’re around if it really bothers you that much. Sometimes people just want get off without all the extra work of involving someone else and that’s okay too.

He must stop now. Talk to your minister or priest

18 Likes

Broken for porn? Girl! Life is to short to worried about a fantasy. What’s wrong with watching porn? Maybe you could watch with him and maybe for play with him. Bring some spice to the relationship. At least he is at home watching pornography and not in the street cheating.

Nothing wrong with a little porn every once in a while. Instead of trying to hold it against him why not be involved with him in extra.

Don’t listen to everyone saying “your just super insecure, it’s fine to watch porn” it’s your relationship and only you have a say in what your ok with and not ok with!
Honestly I’d say he doesn’t really care because he knows your not gonna do anything about it anyways you just get upset and then move on.
I’d give him an ultimatum he sounds like he needs therapy so tell him to go get help for his addiction or your done

You’re not overreacting, porn is cheating. Mentally and spiritually during that time he is being with another person who isn’t you.

Porn isn’t bad at all. Watched it last night with my hubby! Open your horizons a little. What’s so bad about it you don’t like?

I don’t understand why most of you think this is “normal”. Its not. It’s fkin weird. Why would your husband want to watch someone else? It has nothing to do with her being insecure. It’s just fkin weird and creepy honestly. lol

36 Likes

Your minister or priest is too busy looking at child porn :roll_eyes::neutral_face:

1 Like

I’ve never understood why people marry someone THEN try to change them. He didn’t just develop this habit, you always knew and you stayed anyway.

17 Likes

It’s porn all guys look at it get over it

I don’t like it that much but at the same time he could be doing worse! Let him have his moments because at the end of the day he’s home with you and nowhere else!

3 Likes

Maybe try watching it by yourself? See if it does anything for you? I’ll occasionally watch it if I’m unable to take myself to the top… helps me focus on the task at hand lol instead of thinking about laundry, etc. But I have no attachment to the people in the videos, and it doesn’t affect my intimacy with my bf of over 5 years. Reflecting on how I enjoy it made it easier for me to accept it. I did have a boyfriend who was an “addict” though and I could never get comfortable with that. In the end, you have your boundaries. And if you don’t want to expand them, that’s okay. But I don’t think your guy is going to change at this point.

5 Likes

Try to watch it with him then have some grown up time?

Why should he apologize? You taught him how to act and what was acceptable

If you have expressed that something hurts you and he continues to do it anyways then that is disrespect towards you. :100: When you love someone you won’t purposely do something to hurt them.

21 Likes