He’s right about one thing-your the problem. Not because your bad but because you have chosen to put up with it. Leave and co-parent. Work a second job if you have to during the time he has the kids. This is unacceptable.
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He isn’t your boyfriend, he is a sperm donor. He goes to family parties with his eldest because they know about her. Odds are they dont know about you and your kiddos being his kids. Go tell them… ask why they didnt want them for Thanksgiving. See what they say. I bet they think their son is with someone else or single. By the way, you deserve more and yes he isn’t treating you or your kids right. At all.
I guess I’m the odd person out but it sounds like there is more to the story. If he is telling you that you are the problem maybe you should consider that if you truly want resolution. We are not always right. Your boundaries are fair but maybe it’s how you come across and it could be that the grandparents are not interested in the drama of it all.
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I didn’t let my own mother keep my daughter overnight until she was 5. Your boyfriend should support you, and he isn’t and it’s a problem.
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Clearly there’s a parental bond with her grandparents. Was your man a teenage father What’s? What’s the girl’s relationship with her mom like? Did grandma have to step up and be a mother figure to this girl. You have also denied them the bonding experience that your stepdaughter has had with grandparents. And so what if they said they spanked her, that was your missed opportunity to discuss how you discipline your kids. Also, how does your family treat all 3 kids?
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Honey, my boyfriend of a year and a half and my two children from a previous marriage are as thick as thieves. He wouldn’t go anywhere they or I were not welcome and I the same for him. If my children were not welcome with his family, even though they are step to him, I wouldn’t be with him. Period.
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Tell him stay at his momma’s house forever
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That’s really awful of them as well as your boyfriend for not stepping up for his own children. Not over reacting at all.
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I was kind of in the same boat. I share an almost 11 year old daughter with my ex (who she hasn’t seen in 3 years). My ex has three other kids with his second ex wife. His family only ever wanted to see my daughter. It was always about her. Never his other kids. Luckily for me though. My daughter hasn’t seen any of his family in over three years. And she doesn’t ask. They are very toxic people
Your boyfriend is the problem. And this will not change. So you have a choice…stay and be miserable…or leave …hurt for a minute…and be happy in the long wrong. 2nd choice probably better for your kids.
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Your not over reaching he’s being an ass to all of his kids. By allowing this he’s going to cause a rift between all of the kids. He’s also allowing his parents to complexly disrespect his younger kids and in turn also disrespect you.
You show equal love to all kids or you don’t get to see any of the kids.
Why do you want a relationship with these people who you know will put their hands on your children? Why are you with a man for 5 years who leaves you alone on holidays to be with his family & his child from a woman he no longer has a relationship with? Or does he? It may be time for you to move on.
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Boyfriend of 5 years, there’s your red flag. 2 kids and no name change later. If he ain’t married you by now, he ain’t serious about you.
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I was with a guy for about three years and my daughter and I were never invited to any holiday events, either. I found out once we split up it was because they never saw us as a serious relationship or as (eventually) being a part of the family. We were never welcomed because they never thought we would last.
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They ain’t missing what they don’t know, move on.
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Your boyfriend needs to grow a pair and stick up for his children! Does the family have something against you? How shameful of them that they pass it on to the children, especially when your boyfriend is the father of those two.
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No!!
Ur partner is a total arse hat for being so spineless and his parents are nasty toxic control freaks… that if they can’t get their own way, then it’s nothing at all…
I know u want ur kids to have their grandparents and ur kids to be loved… but not by toxic people like that… I would tell them and him… to their faces why they will never have anything to do with ur children… ur partner stinks with the way he behaves and doesn’t support u…
Sounds like you need a new boyfriend. I can’t believe he would leave you and his other 2 on Thanksgiving to appease his parents, that says it all right there.
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So his parents are missing out on a blessing and his letting them
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Your boyfriend is the problem. This is a hill to die on.
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Nope. That’s fucked up
You’re not overreacting at all. You’re absolutely right! When you’re in a relationship with someone, that person and YOUR family, meaning your spouse and children, are the priority. Not that it’s ever excusable to exclude any children, but it MIGHT be a different story if the two youngest were yours and not his, but even that is cruddy. With all 3 kids being your boyfriends kids, he should want them all treated the same too. The fact that he allows that to go on with his kids, is extremely questionable. It’s also obvious that he really doesn’t care, because if you have addressed it with him and he continues to not address it with his family, it says a lot about him. My ex husband was a real POS and my family did not like him at all. At that time, I was oblivious to who he really was and I stood my ground. If my whole family isn’t invited, then none of us are coming. After that, he was included, even though my family didn’t really want to include him, but they did it so they didn’t miss out on time with me and my kids. Everyone just played nice.
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Your boyfriend is a pussy and your in laws are toxic
I’ve kinda got the same problem! My oh mum always has his brothers children takes them shopping, holiday abroad loves spending time with them but my girls get to see her if she invites us all over for tea! They barely ever get to see her yet, alway ask why the others sleep over an why she doesn’t ask her! I refuse to beg anyone to be in their life as it’s her loss, but when you see it gets to the children it’s heartbreaking! Some people just don’t think how this effects the children! Anyway they will be told they don’t need anyone but the people that make time an effort to see them!
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5 years and he still hasn’t done anything about it? Give him a choice. He either steps up and says something or you’ll find a man that will step up like a man. Your kids are being left out and they will later or already do feel it. Remember that. Kids over men all day everyday.
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Girl it’s time to pack your bags and leave. Do you want this for the rest of your life? I wouldn’t! He’s not putting your feelings in play nor is he man enough to stand up to his family. It’s time to get out!
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Sounds like they did except your kids. You are the one one drew the line so not your bfs fault 
see if from another side.
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You’re not overreacting at all! I would be furious if my husband did that and went there with those circumstances! He needs to grow up and start protecting and backing his girlfriend (YOU) and all of his kids! That’s absolutely terrible! I would sit him down and talk to him about it. If he continues to do it, I would leave his ass! Best of luck to you! Hope things work out! 
You’re not over reacting at all, he should definitely speak up to his parents. He is the problem. He’s the one allowing them to be like this. I’d be reconsidering being with him if he can’t even stand up for his children??
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Need more back story, bc know a very a similar situation and it went WAY beyond her not letting the grandmother or aunts keep the brothers children @ all wout her hovering. And well, ALL great ppl. And all see the son from the previous relationship, bc all have always been allowed. No kids ever harmed in any of the care. Some mothers are really that controlling and manipulative.
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Say bye to the bf. Anyone who won’t support you or your children isn’t someone you need in your life. My children don’t stay overnight until they can talk. It’s a preference and one that should be respected.
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My husband and I have 9 kids between us, none together. We call these kids, Our kids. They are all grown and we have 19 grandchildren and 3 great grandchildren. All our family accepts All these kids, it’s really hard to tell whose kids are whose because we all love the kids. If anyone doesn’t accept any of our kids, my husband tells them about it! You need to find a boyfriend with a heart and a spine. He’s worthless.!
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The fact that he is letting his family do that to you is so wrong. You and your significant other are suppose to be a team. If he can’t grow a pair and stand up for you and your kids to his family, you shouldn’t be wasting your time with somebody like that.
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Definitely sounds like there’s more to this story.
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Wow. My mom still sees my brothers ex girlfriends son and hes not even blood related. And she still calls my exs children her grandchildren and again not even blood. I have never seen anyone disown a grandchild. I would leave him. And now. Life is too short to live with someone who treats you so unfairly
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No. People who brag about hitting kids drives me crazy. They use it as some type of badge of honor.
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Talk to them. All of them if needed let them know your feelings and listen to there feelings. Time is short and if they don’t want to take your feelings into consideration then don’t worry about it. I know its probably not what you want to hear but before ties get cut make sure there is communication between everyone then you can decide what you want to do.
You are not over reacting at all.your boyfriend needs to step up and be a man.he should talk to his parents. If you and your child aren’t invited,he shouldn’t go either.
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I would be packing his belongings!!
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I told my boyfriend from the very beginning if he or his family didn’t welcome my children like their own and treat them as such then I’d walk away. Thankfully his family and himself are amazing!
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Do you really want to deal with them? Shoot I would be thankful if mine were out of my life. I absolutely understand this is not fair to your kiddos. So make it fair …on the days that the oldest daughter goes out…have a kiddo party. Do something very special for your kids. Or have your kids spend more time with your family. Or just leave. You have so many options
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Unfortunately you can’t control their involvement in his oldest daughters life. She isn’t your kid. You can say whether or not they can be in your 3&2 year old lives.
Edit to add, seems like it’s a good thing you don’t have to deal with them.
Well I guess they figured since you didn’t want your child around without you present then not to deal with you at all. I don’t see the problem here.
Yes it’s weird they don’t interact with their own grandkids without being given permission to “beat” them.
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I mean they don’t sound like good people what so ever. I think you are absolutely better off and so are your kids! Take it as a blessing.
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You are not over reacting,idk how he as the father takes no issue with his children being excluded… they can dislike you all day who care you’re an adult but to do it to children take a special amount of ignorance personally i wouldn’t continue being in that relationship with him
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Not over reacting. Your boyfriend needs to step up to his parents and tell them to stop playing favorites and that they need to include your kids as well!
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You’re not overreacting at all, they all deserved to be loved. I struggle with that from my family not accepting my two step kids. Adults suck, children can’t choose who their family is. They deserve to be loved!
Not overreacting but he should always stand by your side. If he’s not willing to do that and stand up to his family then it’s Time to leave or at least see a couples counselor to figure out a resolution.
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Your bf showed you where you and your kids stand period. Leave and find a man.
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You’re not overreacting but I’d be more concerned about your bf leaving his spouse & TWO OF HIS CHILDREN home on Thanksgiving because “you weren’t invited”. That’s a bigger issue than his family not being involved with you & your 2. And you’ve clearly talked to him about it so, damn, just leave him & find what you deserve.
If he is willing to go to a Thanksgiving 2 of his children and his significant other aren’t invited to, then I would say he isn’t really part of your family with those 2 kids.
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He’s the problem, NOT his parents…
Free milk…take care of yourself, it is very hurtful and uncalled for…let no one hurt you from now on…you be in charge.
Your problem is clearly with your so called man. If he can’t stand up for your children then he clearly shouldn’t be around you or them. Sounds like relationship needs to be reevaluated
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you are not overreacting. Those kids deserve the same treatment. I’d be pissed if i was in your shoes. Just gonna add that my fiance told his dad to accept my son as his grandson cause my fiance is on the BC or we were never coming around. They havent talked in months and my fiacne is not inviting him to our wedding.
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Yeah that’s not bloody ok and no child should be treated differently to the others you treat them all the same or stay away your bf needs to put his foot down and let them know how it is my fiance and I have a blended family with 8 kids all are treated equally by us blood or not they’re our babies and no one treats them differently or they can stay away sorry you’re going through this your babies deserve better
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Treat all children in the family the same or dont see any of them.
Personally my children never spent the night anywhere without me and the only reason to be with grandparents without mom is if they do childcare or Dad has custody .
Your partner needs to step up and support you .
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You aint overreacting if he cant step it up then he needs to go bye bye
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I’m so confused. You’re saying these kids are your boyfriend’s kids too, and the grandparents are biologically related to your kids? Or just his daughter? Because, if he’s your boyfriend for 5 years and he has two kids who he doesn’t see, I’m so confused. What the f are you doing? If they’re not his and the grandparents biologically, then I really don’t see why you would force a relationship on the grandparents and expect your man to get stuff for your kids when he rarely sees them anyway. If those are his kids, lol, you’re in trouble.
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Leave that whole family.
Ok! You can’t tell him what to do with his other daughter. What you should say is IF THEY CAN’T SEE US ALL (you him & kids) THEY CAN’T SEE NONE OF US we’re a package deal. He IS THE PROBLEM!!! Maybe the girls mom is there also that’s why you can’t go?
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I made a support group for survivors of DV and those who are still going through it as well if anyone is interested in joining.
Agree your boyfriend should step up. I was in your situation a long time ago and my inlaws broke my heart…they were nice to me but said it was only so they could see the kids…then they upset my husband who then said they werent going to see the kids. I said fine and they didnt. My daughter was only 5 at the time and the next time they saw her she was 19…so they missed out but it broke up our marriage. If he wont stand up for you leave him. They are nasty vindictive ppl to treat your chidren that way…they will loose out in the end…good luck
I would get a new family. Including the boyfriend.
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Your boyfriend is still with his ex! You are the side chick with 2 extra kids it sounds like!
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That’s not a partner… he’s a place holder until you find someone that treats you and your kids right. I don’t know how he can sit there and watch two thirds of his children be left out, all because you refuse to have them physically “disciplined” 
. How do you brag about beating a child and expect to have more sent your way and how does your “man” allow that and then call YOU the problem? That is not right… You are most definitely not over reacting. Find someone that treats you all right mama.
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Be an adult and speak to the heart of the problem.
The fact your asking tell me it okay with you cause your still there your kids are still being treated that way
You deserve better for yourself and your babies
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Get rid of boyfriend
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Did he cheat on the first women w u? Just asking bc that’s stange they do that. There has to be a reason they do that.
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It’s there Lost that they will regret
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I would have left. There is no way on this earth I would allow one kid to get special treatment over the others like this. It’s so damaging to them and their relationship with their sister. He absolutely needs to step up and stick up for all his children or get out. He isn’t being much of a father supporting this.
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All or one or leave and do your own thing !
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I would get to stepping. THere is not much telling what is being said or done behind your back. I am one if my spouse and kids are not welcomed then I be daggum if I would go. I will never go anywhere where my partner was not allowed.
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Nope! I would be pissed to have my kids alone on the holidays while he’s over at his parents living his life without you. Kick him to the curb and move on. Let him be happy with his abusive family.
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Honestly I don’t think you’re overreacting at all. It’s crappy that his parents are behaving like children and he’s okay with it. They’re missing out on your kids lives because they don’t respect you as their mother and that’s not okay. Grandparents should respect what the children’s parents say. They’re the parents. You’re boyfriend doesn’t respect you by allowing them to disrespect you and not having anything to do with his other children. He’s allowing his kids to be hurt by his own parents and that’s not okay by any means. I’d seriously consider moving on without him. And telling you that you’re the problem. Yeah that’s not good. He’s not the one for you momma. You and your kids deserve better
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Why would your boyfriend be OK with his family never seeing his other children? But yet continue to let them see one of them? That’s really strange. If my family didn’t want to see all of my children and only one they would see none of my children
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Get rid of him he is also the problem. He should not go unless you and kids are invited.
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Girl. Stop messing with these lying ass momma’s boys. You & your kids dodges a bullet. Now go get a life with a real man
You are definitely the problem …
Want to know why?
Because what you allow is what will continue.
Why subject your children to this?
2+ years and the children own father see nothing wrong about excluding his children.
Ma’am if you intend to stay in this relationship then say nothing.
When he leave with his daughter to visit family, you take your children out and y’all have an enjoyable outing, build your own memories…
But honestly you need to know when to let go and walk away
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For 3 yrs you’ve been dealing with this? Why havent you said something to the parents. Your bf sounds like hes already chosen his parents and his daughter over you and your babies. See the big picture and either face it head on or gtfo. Plain and simple.
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Your not tripping or overreacting at all! You all should be going out together as a family on holidays! I also dont let anybody keep my children overnight!
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Wow. Just WOW.
Well it’s obvious that your boyfriend doesn’t care about your feelings or his other two kids feelings. What an ass
Aww…Hell Naw!!! He Needs 2 GO STAY WIT THA FAMILY!!! 
No, you are not overreacting.
You are expected to treat the older daughter as if she family and equal to your children, well so should the father of all the children. And he should be the one to address his family regarding the inequality in the way the family differentiates between the children.
Have personal experience down this same road.
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Not overreacting. Family dynamics just suck most of the time
Whatta big Red Flag!!! Are you sure hes not meeting his ex there!!! They all sound sketchy to me!!! Either way you should garbage bag all of his stuff & leave on their porch!!! With a letter after you notarized it & be done!!! That’ll be his Xmas memory!!! 4ever!!!
I cant believe you put up with that shit… AND your BF is a loser for letting it happen maybe he needs to step up or step out!
He doesn’t have your back and you are right to want more for your children. Though I don’t think you should demand he doesn’t let the other child visit their grandparents, either. But this family sounds dysfunctional and the long term effects on your own children could be very negative. It would be better to find a partner who supports and demands the best for them.
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This is coming from someone whose grandparents wanted nothing to do with my siblings and I after my dad died. You and your kids are probably better off. It’s them that’s missing out.
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Do you know a girl, I don’t care how long you’ve been with your man five years 10 years 20 years, his family is never going to change. If you can’t be there along with your kids that are his children, it’s time for you to walk out the door. They are treating you as if you don’t exist and he’s allowing it and he’s going to continue to allow it. It’s time for them to put on their big girl and boy panties and grow the hell up. Well you need to do is give him a wake up call either the Eric we all start getting including everything that you do with your family and we’re gone. That’s what you need to do you need to start stepping up and saying something to him as well because he should know better but he doesn’t care that’s clear.
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Not overreacting. You are 100% right.
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I think you need a new boyfriend dump that jackass
Leave the SOB, you don’t need him or that kind of people, in your life. The way he lets you get treated so bad, including his kids with you, shows he does not care at all. Leave and live your life . Take care of those children first. Such a sad story.
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Nah leave tell him all or none his daughter shouldn’t brag either that’s petty to you’re children 9 or not she knows what she’s doing id tell her too stop everytime so your husband gets the picture
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Boyfriend and his pathetic family all need to go! Why are you allowing the neglect to begin with???
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No not at all. Its either they accept all or none, your bf needs to get a backbone and talk to his family 
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