Not selfish, practical. Just make sure you are not in a “community property” state or it might not matter.
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The first question should have been, ‘should I sell my house to pay off debt incurred by my husband and I.’ 
You are already at a disadvantage by doing that! Leave now while you’re ahead.
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Definitely not selfish go ahead pick your house out buy it, then tell him you got one. If he hasn’t invested in it, he has no say so.
Put the house in your children’s name as a trust. See a lawyer. Have them lease the house to you and you alone for $1.00 a year. Make sure the wording of the lease agreement is very specific. Get thee to the bank to get the money to get the money out and into a trust for your children to buy the house.
Get a divorce only if your state is not a 50/50 state.
Good luck.
Personally, I’m thinking you need to get your own place and move forward without all that dead weight.
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Maybe he needs help, dont end your marriage, cause that’s what your doing if you keep this mindset of you doing all the work, but have you tried to help him? After all that is what being married is about ,loving and helping each other. Not belittling someone for not living up to your expectations
You need YOUR OWN checking acct… since he doesn’t know how to save, you need security for you & your kids…generally title goes to both - depending…
If your married it depends where you live and what the laws are. The new house could be deemed a family asset, meaning it’s his too. Prenup generally protects what you had before marriage not while your married. If you were able to save while in the marriage could you have saved the same on your own if you weren’t living in his house?
No. We live in a house that is in my name only. I bought it and I have kids, he doesn’t. Just being practical and my husband understands. Also, the house is in trust for my kids so that there is no misunderstanding.
Check with a lawyer because in some states what ever purchased during the divorce he can try to put claim on it and if you die unless there is a will in some states your estate belongs to him and then your children.
Sounds like you are on right track,but sounds like you married wrong guy-of course I am only hearing one side Good luck
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Unfortunately, in some states, if you are married, his name automatically goes on the deed to the house. I was in the same situation, that I am now trying to get out of. I put my house up for sale, and had to get his permission to do it, because his name was on the deed. It is still on the market (it’s only been on the market for 2 weeks).
Sounds like he didn’t keep his end of the bargain. He going to want to move in with you and continue his spending lifestyle??
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It sounds like you have an overwhelming majority! I think I was lucky…if you can call a divorce lucky. My ex signed over the deed to the house plus 10 aces to me. He provide child support, plus more, for our kids. He took all of us on several vacations, as well.
That being said, he also filed bankruptcy, which caused me to have to file, too. I had too much equity in the home to file chapter 13, so I had to file chapter 11. I got all the debt from out 18 yr marriage and had to pay it off in 4 years. They were pretty lean years!
Happy ending…my ex and I are better friends now than before!
I hate to predict divorce, but it could very well be likely! Wait on the house! The laws in some states are very convoluted. You’ve worked so hard, and he hasn’t protect yourself and your kids!
sounds like your problems are much deeper than a house. Doesn’t sound like you respect your husband at all. Makes me wonder why you married him? Obviously, he isn’t the one for you
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Not selfish at all. Actually you’d be better off not having him in your life at all anymore. There are better men out there for you… even being without one is better.
Nope, not selfish. And it sounds like you should move into your new house without him. He has some growing up to do.
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Absolutely not! But if ur in the state of texas, please have a will in place if u don’t everything goes to ur husband or the person ur married to!
Absoutely not he should not have his name on other an attorney
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If you hate his house, and pull this crap demeaning him to people you don’t know, I’m saying you shouldn’t be married anyways. Instead of airing your husband’s business go to counseling or use your prenuptial.
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Not selfish, but sounds like there are way more problems than whose name the house is going to be in.
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He’s making absolutely no contribution, so you go girl, put it in your name only and get legal advice so that it’s definite that he won’t be getting it if anything should happen to you, because it won’t be part of the prenup.
Too many problems here----doesn’t sound as though either party felt committed to a permanent relationship. When both people have excessive pride, communication fails. Both are “acting out” to defend their own position as individuals.
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Go back to your house. Trust me I’d wish I had done it years ago. They dont change. U will be the reliable one. GoodLuck. Go.
You have to go with your gut and common sense. Dont ignore what what you can see
Do a living trust for your children this way he can’t fight for it if you die if his names not on the deed
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If you put his name on and then get divorced you will have to buy his half of the home. Anything bought while married the partner is entitled to half get a lawyer first
No not selfish at all. Why should he get half of something you worked so hard for? He enjoyed his money, now it’s time for you to enjoy yours. Please make sure you have a will drawn up to protect your children in the event of something happening to you. Leave him out of it like he left you out of his money!
It sounds like the two of you have problems that go deeper than whose name goes on the title. I’d kiss him goodbye.
You ain’t selfish at all. You earned that money and you earned that house. So no his name ain’t going on your house.
You are doing the right thing! Protect yourself and your investments!
Not selfish, but check the laws in your state. I’m just wondering why you married him when you have resentment building already?
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Definitely not,if like you say the house is yours you can then put it in a will to be left to your children or any other family member, until your children hit a certain age that they can then take over . You can actually have it drawn up in your will that it’s being passed down to your children, and that you don’t want him involved in your estate no matter how big or small. As long as you do a will and state what you want there’s nothing he can do as it’s a legal contract.
No! Put it in your name only with children as beneficiary.
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I don’t think it’s selfish at all. You’ve got a prenup that’ll hopefully protect your hard work.
You’re not selfish at all. It takes two to make a marriage. Evidently he doesn’t want to do his part.
I’m not sure I’d worry about the house I get rid of him now keep my money and buy a house by myself.
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There’s a lot of sadness in your words n it isn’t in the place you live in - it’s in your life. Just observing. Inhale the good, exhale the bad. Get help!
Not selfish at all. He has shown his true colors. You are being wise.
Been there. Done that. TALK TO A LAWYER. Buy and have both deed and any mortgage in your own name only and based on your own credit and earnings. I found that my husband’s credit record was so bad we could not have obtained a mortgage together anyhow. The new house is yours from your personal premarital property though he may have dower rights to living in it, and his house is his to do with as he wishes. In situations like this, a lawyer advised me to always maintain separate finances and never have both your names on any contract, credit card, etc. Contribute from each for a household management fund for food, utilities, etc. We both benefited by avoiding a lot of arguing and my good credit saved us from the disasters his spendthrift ways brought him into… And when he died suddenly of a heart attack, I was not held responsible for his unsecured debts.
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No , it’s smart. Don’t budge, it’s yours and your children. Make sure that prenup favors you and yours . Good luck and stand firm.
Not selfish and no his name shouldn’t be on it. If had contribute yes but he didn’t. He needs to be glad your letting his behind live there with him after his lack of care of his home
Really sounds like you need to move on… without him😕 he apparently doesn’t have the same goals as you. Sorry
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Not at all selfish. You need to put it in your name only. He didn’t help so he doesn’t deserve to be put on it. I would kick his ass to the curb before 10 years. If you divorce him after 10 years it’s half his anyways
No it’s about time women stand up for themselves you earned it keep it
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Not selfish at all. Your money, you sold your house. He has contributed to Nothing. By all means do Not add his name… Not to sound rude. But I don’t foresee you 2 making it much longer if he is being so careless and not contributing… If I were you. I’d cut my losses sooner rather than later… That’s my opinion.
Had a house in my name only before I married. My husband was arrested and put a lean on my house. Didn’t find out about it until years later when I tried to refinance. We were separated when he was arrested, and later divorced.
Nope you worked for it and he didn’t so protect yourself.
No but if you live in a community property state your assets may not be protected. Check with an estate attorney
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Not at all! Protect yourself and your children!
No, you’re not selfish, you’re practicing self-preservation. I also would not put his name on my house in that same situation. Hold strong to your decision.
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Once you are married there is no his or hers. It is ours. People may disagree, that is fine but I still believe that to be true. In the 42 years of marriage everything has been ours.
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If you didn’t put your money together in an account from the beginning to build a future together then it is what it is! If you put his name on the house and he dies his family can come after his half of the house so your doing the right thing
Don’t put his name on deed
In Florida spouse has to
Sign but doesn’t have to be on deed ask your title company rules of your state
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Not selfish at all.Only hope the law agrees with you.Maybe you should put the house in your children’s names so he can’t get hold of it.
Might be N idea to see a lawyer.
Time to walk away , if in four years he has done nothing to contribute , he is not going to. He also has no respect for you behavior shows that
Do not put his name on your new home.From the sounds of things this marriage may not survive…Good luck.
No if he didn’t save his money he doesn’t need to be on the title
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If you are living in the UK and need a mortgage which you will only get on your combined salary his name will have to go on the Title Deed to your property. Should you use only your money you can buy in your name. He may have a claim even then.If you want your children to be your heirs you must do a Will. The problem will be if you buy together and as Joint Tenants you can not leave the property to your children unless you buy as Tenants in Common then you can leave your half to whomever you want. It can complicated and I recommend you see a Solicitor who can explain about leaving things in Trust for your family. I hope this helps, of course if you are Living in America just ignore all I’ve said!!
NOT AT ALL… If he understands his lack of prioritizing upkeep then he will have no problem with your wishes.
Most states are community property. Whether or not his name is on the deed he will still own half of it if it’s purchased while you’re married. You should talk to an attorney about the laws in you state.
Depending on the state you’re in it will be considered marital property being you’re buying it while married us less something in the prenup says otherwise…
Depends on the state you live in. You need to look out for your children and yourself. Separate account for checking , savings, and credit cards. I have been married over 40 years I still have separate accounts just in case .
No your not. Your very sensible. If he hasn’t paid towards the house, it isn’t his. However, as he has let his own house get in a mess, think twice before letting him move into yours.
I understand!! I would put my name on the deed and my oldest child’s. He could live in the dump !! But I’m not always a sweet old lady. Talk to your lawyer.
No . but why don’t you just get a divorce sounds like you don’t like him .then he wouldn’t have to be on YOUR new house
No. Not at all. My hubby of 14 years wants to buy another house (we moved, sold our house and now rent). I will never own another house with him as he didn’t like to do upkeep. We had the main shower about to fall through the floor and a very leaky roof. I can’t fix this stuff and he did construction for 30 plus years. So no way lol.
Yes my Son was in much the same reverse situation, except he didn’t have a house but she did, they were goin to save and save, which he did she didn’t . but then they got divorced, even thought he had puts lots of money into her house. Plus saving over $100K . She spent hers on booze and pot and other crap. When it came down to it. He had to give her lots of money. So you better get a safe deposit box in another city . and stash it . and hope no one finds out about it.
Absolutely not if he hasn’t helped towards getting a newer house to make things better than no you are not wrong you come first you already did it once where you worried about somebody else now it’s your turn if you’re working that hard you’re better than both of your lives I’m sorry he is screwed that up
Depending upon the state you live in, when you purchase a home whether or not his name is shown as an owner, he will still be eligible for half. Check with an attorney to be sure of your rights.
I definitely wouldn’t put his name on it! I would also make sure you speak to a lawyer and get everything set up prior to buying so that in the event something does happen to you, the kids get it.
Better divorce him before you buy anything. And get a good attorney.
You are not selfish. You are Smart taking care of yourself. Keep doing what you’re doing and protect your interests. I married a man like your husband who put everything in my name and screwed me over by quitting wrking and not helping paying bills. I wish I was as smart as you.
Depends on what state you are in but he might be entitled even if his name isn’t on it. The bigger issue is why isn’t he contributing the the household
Wow this broader discussion , have guys spoken to a licensed marriage counselor. Communication. Is the key , but waiting 4 years seems like. A long time , I would have guessed u would have known about his habits before then
Hell to the mother fucking NO! He hadn’t tried to fix his shit up, so let him stay in it until it falls on his damn head! Leave him right there. Don’t be no fool and put his name on a house that you have saved and struggled for.
The house should be in your name as he is too irresponsible to.be part of it. Mortgage will most likely be paid by you…your house.
I didn’t put my husbands name on our house. He didn’t put any money down and he won’t sell his Harley to get any money!
I did add his name when he earned it( about 10 years later)
In Texas no matter what, if you’re married they will be listed on the house. However, I completely agree with you, he should not be listed on the house if you do have the option.
No your not specifically if you’re paying most or all of it sounds like god forbid something happens to you it probably go the same way his went don’t know the kids ages but leave it for them & let them. Decide specially if they are old enough he doesn’t sound to respond enough gl
Not at all. Better alone than badly accompanied. If he doesn’t enhance your life in any way, let him go and look for someone to share your goals.
Some of the comment here crack me up. Look she married him and she doesn’t say he drank or did drugs with it. Her priority was saving for house and his was having a fun life. I just wonder does she use the toys and go to the casino with him? I am more like her and married to a person that’s like him and I am thankful for the balance in my marriage of 29 years. Sometime it’s frustrating but my life would be to ocd without the balance. Just a thought for her.
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When priorities are not the same in a marriage, then I would wait and not do anything rash, especially if it is a major financial decision. You need to have the same goals in life.
I was told a prenup is only good for 10 years .I know someone that got one and that’s what the lawyer told them ,After 10 years everything is your partners also which is not right ,
Wouldn’t he have to sign a post nup agreement. Or it wouldnt matter if the house is in ur name or not he would be entitled.
Why do you still have a husband? Be a woman and divorce his ass. Your children come first. You want them to think the HE is a good example of a human being or a dad? Show them that you are strong enuff to move on.
If all else fails A .22 is cheap.
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I wouldn’t stay in the marriage. It doesn’t sound healthy.
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Marital property so if you purchase it during the marriage, he is entitled to 50%
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I would divorce him and tell him you are buying your own house and he can stay in his house alone. Seems fair
Not at all. He didnt care then, you made all the sacrifices. Rock Roll.
Did he sell his home? I don’t remember reading if he did. If this was a goal and you both were saving then yes his name should be on it. If he is frivolous with and all the money was your then he was worrying abut boats and the casino, then he would never be listed on the house. Look out for your children because I would not have a lot of faith in him financially
If it’s only about the house, divorce first before you buy. If you want to stay married then he has rights to the house as marital property.
Not at all he had the same options as you and if he did not want to fix up his house how much interest do he have in fixing up yours
I think you should check your legal situation and also your marriage consider this-why be with someone so opposite than you all you have to look forward to is looking after him all your life into retirement because he chooses to spend all his money now? Why should you fund his lifestyle and retirement
I think you know the answer. This requires no input from others when you yourself know what to do
You have to think of yourself and your children. It would be different if he had contributed in some way.
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Not at all selfish. I think she who pays is the owner and it should stay in the family.
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Fuck no you’re not unreasonable , sounds like a VERY reasonable decision to make considering his actions and that you were the only one actively working toward that goal
Get out of the marriage. You have worked hard to accomplish getting a new home. Sounds to me that he’s only there for a free ride and wants material things instead of taking care of something he already has. He could’ve spent his money on making your home nicer instead of spending his money on material things. Take care of you first.
I purchased our house with savings money and a decent credit score.
It has worked well for us as my husband owed back taxes to the IRS and other collections issues.
Had I put his name on the house, they would have been able to put a lien on it.