Question- my bf and I have been together for a year and a half- I spend all my time, energy, and effort into making his kids feel loved, important, and appreciated (they are 8 and 12). They both have mothers that aren’t “great” so I step up and do what’s necessary. My birthday was yesterday and neither child made a point to say anything to me. I told my bf that this really bothered me and he didn’t seem to care and told me “he can’t control them”. Am I wrong for feeling hurt and disrespected? Any advice would be helpful as we got into quite the heated argument last night.
Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. Am I wrong for feeling upset my boyfriends kids forgot my birthday?
My own kids would forget my birthday if my husband didn’t tell them… people forget birthdays…especially kids. Absolutely don’t be upset about it.
The 2 children I birthed cant remember mine lmao and they are 8 and 11
Did they hear your bf or anyone else say happy birthday to you so that they could follow ?? They are kids
they probably just didn’t know…
Shitttt, I can’t even remember my brother’s and sisters bdays
They’re kids… Honestly, you’re acting a bit childish.
they’re literally 8 & 12…. i’m 35 and can barely remember my own bday
They are 8 & 12. My own kids forget to tell me happy birthday . They are kids they don’t think about stuff like that unless someone is reminding them to do so!! If anything your BF should have taken them to maybe buy a card some candy or something to say happy birthday.
My own kids don’t even remember my birthday! they are kids
Maybe they didn’t know and normally the other parents sorts out cards and gifts so thinking dad couldn’t be bothered. Don’t blame the children.
They are children. They don’t remember to brush their teeth. no, you shouldn’t feel disrespected. You can feel hurt, but you’re wasting your time and energy by feeling that way.
You’re a drama queen. Poor kids.
they are just kids! They are not like adults. also maybe try being in their shoes
That’s kinda petty
I’m 28 and I forget everyone’s birthday lol I think I was like 16 before I remembered when my stepmoms birthday was
Your boyfriend could have helped them remember and done something nice !
Thats on the father, not the children. Your boyfriend shouldve hyped them up to celebrate you and had a little celebration for your birthday, told them to make you a card… had cake and dinner… something. Thats on him. If that was me, I would be questioning how much this man truly loves you.
At those ages the kids don’t think about things like this. They are more concerned with themselves and their world. Don’t take it personally!
I mean they are kids. My 6 year old doesn’t even remember when my birthday is. Let alone her birthday is.
They are young and you only been together a little over a year
Could it be possible they just forgot or didn’t know
They’re kids. What’s wrong with HIM?!
Jesus … of you think kids bio ones or not remember this stuff you are in the wrong relationship
Your bf should have reminded them… motherhood or mother figure is a job that gets no thanks
I think you’re taking this too personally. Kids forget, simple as that. My own kids wouldn’t remember my birthday if someone didn’t say something. But then again, I don’t care about my birthday. It’s just another day to me.
They’re 8&12 they don’t know their own parents birthday
It’s a birthday… That will eventually just be “another” day.
They’re kids. Personally I’d adjust expectations even though I know how this may have felt.
Why wouldn’t your bf remind them and help make your day special? I’m sorry but it’s just wrong imo…
Good lord I really hope this is a joke
They are 8 and 12 . It was his job to help them organize a way to celebrate you. You can not blame the kids-period
I mean I forget my own birthday and that’s still pretty young to remember someone’s birthday
I wouldn’t remember half the birthdays in my family if it wasn’t for fb notifications. They are kids, they simply forgot. It was your husbands duty to remind them or buy a birthday card and have them sign it.
Your bf should have told them. Kid’s won’t remember this
Heck no…they are kids…
Yeah my kids wouldn’t remember my birthday unless I or their dad reminded them I forget my own parents birthdays at times. You could talk with your boyfriend though and let him know how important it is to you and that he should remind them next time. I always tell my kids to tell their family members happy birthday.
Yeah YTA. Most children struggle to remember their own birthdays, nevermind their parents. This was your boyfriend’s job, and he failed. Be mad at him.
They’re kids and if you don’t start hinting a week or so before your birthday- they’re not gonna think about it. Besides it’s really up to your boyfriend to initiate it
I told my bfs daughter she’s almost 8 but she’s not going to remember… I told her and she got excited and said happy birthday.
U sound bitter why u speaking on the kids moms talking about they are not great? U seem crazy to me him and the kids need to run. U a grown woman complaining about doing for some kids. Just be single or have your own kids then your feelings won’t be hurt
Let me preface this by saying that you are absolutely entitled to your feelings and good for you for expressing them hopefully in an appropriate manner. But, I mean they’re kids…as a grown adult, I forget birthdays. The only ones I actively remember are my daughters. Around here, we don’t make a big deal about adults birthdays. Do you think maybe that may be the case?
Heck I forgot my birthday last year. It wasn’t until the end of the day that I realized. None of my family acknowledge it.
My kids are 34,21 and they forget my birthday
My 12 year old son forgets mine still sometimes
Nope my own kids can’t remember simple
Things half the time let alone a birthday … I joked the last birthday about it . Not a big deal
They are just kids, they never think of stuff like that. Their dad could of reminded them though.
Your feelings are valid! I’m sure they still love and appreciate you, even though they didn’t say anything.
Honestly their kids. Did he even tell them? I always tell my kid when it’s their aunt uncles, etc birthday’s so they can remember to tell them. Maybe he just didn’t tell them or there is definitely some animosity towards you from your partner and his kids.
It’s not really on the kids, but on him for failing to celebrate you.
They are children and you are an adult, if you need children to validate your birthday or you feel disrespected then I feel sorry for that man AND those kids. The one you SHOULD POSSIBLY be feel hurt by is your bf if HE forgot. You could easily have chosen to say hey kids we are going to dinner tonight, or a movie tonight because it’s my birthday and had the kids enjoy the day WITH you instead of wanting to pick a fight.
Yeah, they’re kids, they barely remember to brush their teeth and do their homework at that age. Lol
The kids are too young to remember. I’d be upset with my boyfriend. He should make sure your day is special and the kids will follow along.
Of this disappointment hurts you wait until they get older. It does not get easier. And their dad should of helped them and taught them to show you kindness on your special day.
My own kids don’t know my birthday unless their dad reminds them I wouldnt be upset
Kids are naturally self absorbed. They don’t usually know what day it is and mine only know the day by what the school is serving for lunch! If my husband didn’t remind them, they wouldnt have a clue it was my birthday(13, 11 & 8). Shake it off
I would be mad at the boyfriend, kids won’t remember that but he should of and helped the kids with something
Lady, they are KIDS! Don’t take it out on them! My daughter is 14 and she didn’t even know my birthday was 2 weeks ago!
My question would be did they know it was your birthday and just decided not to say happy birthday, or did they not know…if they “forgot” and didn’t know, can’t be mad at that. If they knew and chose to be crappy and not say anything, then yes you can feel some type of way. And when it comes to children, it is definitely the parents obligation to make sure they acknowledge (or do something thoughtful/nice) for the other parents birthday, Christmas, etc.
I’m toxic and messy, but it’s FUN
A) they are children.
B) this only the SECOND TIME they were around you on your birthday.
C) grow up
The kids could honestly not have remembered. This is on your bf for not working with them to do something special or at least remind them to say happy birthday. That’s what you really need to address.
If the dad would have put fourth the effort to make your day special, I’m sure they would have followed. It’s nice to feel appreciated and loved especially when you put so much into your household. I don’t blame you for being upset…but aim it at the right person
First of all, he should be to control them. It’s called discipline. I wouldn’t really care though but that’s only cause I don’t make a big deal out of my birthday…
They are kids! Maybe you could use this as a teachable moment
My own kids don’t remember my birthday unless I tell them lol! Subtle reminders help especially if it’s written in plain sight on the calendar lol
Kids that age don’t worry about anyone’s birthday but their own. Grow up!
The fact that people seriously laugh at this post breaks my heart. Just because it wouldn’t hurt you doesn’t make her feelings any less valid. This clearly hurt her feelings and to find humor out of it is just rude. It’s free to be kind.
Your boyfriend should have made them say Happy Birthday
They are kids… your man should’ve done something for you and asked them if they wanted to gift you something or make you something the problem here is your partners selfishness… my ex narc was the same ! Good luck
That’s your boyfriends job. They are kids
It’s not wrong for you to feel like your birthday wasn’t made to be an important thing, however (coming from a separated mom of a 9&11 year old) in our family it’s dads responsibility to make it special for you. As moms we don’t get a lot of “days” so this one needs to be on dad. He should have taken them to get a gift or plan even just a cake after dinner and homemade cards just something…effort is the best thing to give to someone you love
My own child is 13 and wouldn’t know it was my birth without a family member telling him
They are children, you guys haven’t been together for years how were they supposed to remember without being reminded…. They didn’t disrespect you, but you do have a right to be upset I mean your man could have told them but you shouldn’t be mad at the kids……
Kids do not keep track of birthdays… it was your boyfriend’s job to remind them and make your day special. Your issue should be with him not children. And i stepped up for my bonus daughter too, I expect NOTHING from her. I do it out of love. She owes me nothing and if you feel that they do, you need to rethink your situation
When I was a kid I could only remember a few birthdays. Mine, sometimes my best friend’s. If someone told me a birthday was coming up, I might remember on the actual day, if I was told what day that would be. But at that age they have a lot going on in their heads and it’s not reasonable to expect them to remember at that age without a ton of reminders.
My stepdaughter is 11 and doesn’t even know her fathers birthday lol I wouldn’t take it personal. But your boyfriend should of done something so they did remember.
They are still babies. They have to be reminded about “important dates and events”. That’s all in their dad. Be mad at him for not trying to make your day special.
It’s not the kids. The bf is the adult, he could facilitate a little happy birthday from them for you, like I’m sure you would have done for him
Forgetting birthday’s is normal. His reaction isn’t. If my sisters kids forgot my birthday she’d tell them and they would say happy birthday because they love me and aren’t trying to be hateful. So I dont see why that was his reaction…
My husband reminds my kids vice versa. 10 and 5. Don’t take it personally.
So everything you do is only for something in return
they are kids. it’s typically up to the other parent in this case their father to remind them its your bday and stuff. you can’t be upset with them. besides that you said yourself yall have only been together for 1 1/2 yrs. you expect a couple kids to remember your birthday when in all honesty they’ve probably only been told your birthday MAYBE once? seriously? grow up. they’re kids. if you wanna be mad be mad it your man. not the kids.
My daughter never remembers my birthday on her own the only reason she does now is because I claim birthday week from her and her dad and they have be super nice to me and cook all week
They are kids the only birthday they care about and remember is theirs.
They are kids. So are you in the wrong no your feelings are valid. But they are children.
They learn what they see if he doesn’t see a “big deal” with it neither will they! Let this show you who you’re with because although he can’t control them he can teach them!
…this is a bf issue, not a child issue. You feeling hurt and disrespected should be redirected to your man. And yes, it IS his responsibility, not yours or his childrens.
Um, they are 8 and 12 they’re lucky to know and remember their own birthdays
I don’t remember birthdays…and I’m an adult. Kids wouldn’t. You are overreacting.
When I was that age I didn’t even remember my parents birthday. I still don’t remember my dads birthday and I’m almost 23. It’s normal at that age for them to not remember.
Its up to the bf to tell the kids. Don’t get mad at the kids its not their job to know when ur bday is. Not to be an a hole but you’ve only been there a year and a half. They aren’t going to remember your bday. You haven’t been there long enough for them to remember it.
Your Husband should have stepped up and made more of an effort. Maybe encouraged the kiddos to do something for you…like, “Hey, don’t forget that tomorrow is your Step-Mom’s birthday. If there’s anything you want to do or say to her, I’m sure it would make her day!” I’m sorry you feel unappreciated. Your Husband is the one who should have made your day special/helped them to be a part of it.
Grow up, my kids are 18, 16, 11 none of them realize their dads birthday is tomorrow and he is an amazing father.
My SO and I have been together 6 years. His daughter just turned 24 with her 3rd due anyday. I’ve never gotten a happy birthday from anyone other than his mother. My birthday is 4 days after the first grandchild.
As long as he remembers, that’s all I care about.
They are children. Children won’t always remember. The guilt falls on the father for not caring enough to remind them.
Not wrong for feeling that way. Being a step-parent is hard. You love and treat them as your own but have little say or control how they turn out.
Your boyfriend is being disrespectful by not taking your feelings into account.
If he’s not willing to work with them and you then it’s not going to get easier therefore making it harder for you to become a healthy blended family.
Kids are kids. I wouldn’t be upset at them, he should have done some cute little crafts with them & had them make birthday cards or taken you all out.
Ok so you’ve had one birthday while together and you expect them to remember your birthday? That’s kind of outrageous to expect that out of children. Mine that I’ve raised only remember my birthday cause I tell them it’s my birthday. And even then it’s happy birthday mom and that’s about it. Sometimes they’ll draw me a picture.
Ok how do you know their mothers arnt “great” … It’s your boyfriend who’s forgotten your birthday, not the children.
If your doing so much for them after being in a relationship for a year and a half there are issues
Don’t take it personal. Sometimes you have to take an initiative. Like when I was younger I would do stuff like , hey you guys want to go shopping with me it’s my birthday and let them help you pick something out for you. You pay for it though. Or say let’s make a cake it’s my b-day. It’s possible they haven’t got the concept of how to celebrate with you. They’re still learning. Family’s do it differently and that’s just it. If one of them forget y b-day now I just call them myself and they usually say oh I literally forgot and happy bday. But sometimes they just hadn’t done it or of course there’s always personal things going on. You won’t be forgotten if your activity trying to be there on their level.