NEVER give up on your child
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You are a disgusting woman. I hope he sees this and realizes the kind of woman he married and how she values his child.
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This is such horse shit. YOU give up, leave him be. You’re trying to give up something that isn’t even yours to begin with. This can’t be a serious post…
With the mother bringing in different strange men into this child’s life, you and your husband may turn out to be the only stability in this child’s life. Motivate your man to go to court and fight for this baby. You may end up getting full custody. I’m praying that you open your heart and do the right thing. You won’t regret it.
Yes you’re wrong for throwing in the towel, a child needs their father!!! That child will grow up thinking he wasn’t good enough for his dad or something even worse. If it was your child I don’t think you’d throw in the towel so why would you even think that?! You don’t have to pay be in the same place to go to court, you just have to hire an atty in the mother’s jurisdiction and have him represent your boyfriend. Then once visitation is established, you’ll have to pay for airplane tickets for spring break, every summer, and at least one week of the Xmas break for him to come visit you guys. I was in your situation and my hubby had 50% custody but we barely got every other weekend and holidays then we still had to fight for every single visitation until we’d had enough and filed a complaint with the court and gave them a list of every visitation and holiday she screwed us out of (always keep a journal). The judge told her as of this hearing you owe him 37 days of visitation, if you stop one more visitations I’ll grant him full custody for 37 straight days and you won’t be able to see your daughter or call her while she’s in his custody then maybe you’ll understand what you’re doing, even if you don’t, you don’t have the right to interfere with his daddy daughter relationship and if you continue I will hold you in contempt and put you in jail. That’s how important a child’s relationship is with their father, the courts finally recognize it and try to make sure fathers are in their child’s lives. Never ever give up on your child, and if you’re marrying this guy, he’s your child.
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Yes. Wtf. Never give up. You don’t give up on your kids. Ever
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Sadly y’all don’t get to choose who she has around the kid, but you DO get to choose to be a part of said kids life. Fight your ass off! That kid deserves it and if you don’t think so, then you’re probably not fit to be a bonus mom anyways. Sounds like y’all are looking for any reason to walk away and if that’s the case then the kids deserves better anyways, cause the mom has pics of the child with her “fiancé” grow up. Move closer to the child. There are jobs everywhere, you can and will do what you have to for your child. Period. So yea you’re in the wrong.
Not a decision for you to make. He’s not your child. Stop being a selfish immature person.
PM me. I understand this 100% and going through something similar.
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All types of wrong wtf.
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It’s NEVER a waste to fight for your kids!
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So, let me say I understand the feeling of defeat. Now, I don’t know the situation fully, but if he moved away from child that was the beginning choice to making it hard visitation wise. I know this because my children’s father moved 16 hours away. He gets a couple weeks in summer, and every other Holiday break the kids get from school. Now, as far as not wanting to deal with the mother of step kids,.guess what. You don’t have to. That’s his responsibility. Your responsibility is to support him in HIS decisions about this, AND to step up as a role model to the children.
Now, understand it won’t be easy, because unfortunately alot of states still play favorite to the Mother’s. It sucks hard core. We’ve been fighting tooth & nail, and co-parenting with that woman is like talking to a wall for him. It’s been 5 years and it still hasn’t gotten easier. But he won’t quit, and I wouldn’t want him too. While in that same token, he has days he cries because he just wants more time with his children and it’s like he’s being punished every day for simply not being in a toxic relationship anymore. Those days, he wants to give up because it feels hopeless. All I can do on those days is hold him, and try to comfort a man who is heartbroken. I also made the choice that if he were to choose to no longer pay money to continue this fight and just leave visits as they are, I wouldn’t blame him or resent him. I highly doubt this man will ever give up, but ultimately that’s HIS CHOICE, And it’s MY CHOICE to support him or not. So I had to decide that on my own.
This isn’t something I will ever try to tell him what to do. Those are his babies. His world. I would never force him to fight or to give up because that has to come from his heart. I only choose for myself if I want to support this man. And that my dear is your ONLY choice as well. Good luck.
Wtf GO TO COURT. There is no excuse for this if there ain’t a court order
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Tis kid is better off with his mother than with someone who’s willing to throw in the towel…
It’s not the child’s fault that the parents can’t get it together . this child ,no matter who you like or don’t like to see this child with deserves to have a relationship with his father and the father deserves to have a relationship with his child ,especially if he wants one even if it’s from thousand miles away he has the right to fight for it.
There are only a few reasons to deny a child a father/mother abuse ,addiction ,criminal activity,
Just because a parent is being unreasonable doesn’t mean you stop fighting for this child. its this child’s future that’s at stake not your own personal feelings.
And why fight for this child that you have no power of ?you fight because when that child gets older and realizes what’s happening they will realize that even though all that shit was going on my dad still fought for me. or he didn’t. What side of history your on , is the choice you have right now… what this child will think of you in the future is what you have control of right now. How do you want to be remembered? 
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I’ve been fighting in the courts for 6 years. Going on 7. Never stop regardless of distance. She has jurisdiction yes. But he still has visitation rights
Its not about her its not about you ita not about dad. Its about the child. NEVER STOP FIGHTING FOR THEM. They see that.
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I’m not going to judge or tell you something you’ve already thought of and have already felt guilty for. I know you do. But I will say this. My boyfriend right now has a 2 year old daughter (her birthday is today 
) and I’ve only met her once. But I have said from the beginning of time with him that she is welcome with open arms, no matter the fight we had to be miserable through or the wounds we haven’t healed yet. She deserves to be fought for, no matter what. No we are in no kind of custody battle, right now its civil and he sees her regularly (it’s harder for me to get off work to go with him to see her or I would every time), but if it were to happen and my boyfriend asked me if I was all in with him, it would be a 100 percent yes. Right now, she is safe right where she is, she is being taken care of well and she is happy! And she knows that daddy will drop everything to help her and see her every time he can. That means more to her than what anything is on paper. Fight for her, girl. I know it’s tough and even tougher since it’s not your child. But you chose your husband knowing he had a child. She is worth it. All of it is worth it.
Been there done that and now as my husband’s kids are adults there phyco mom had totally poisoned them against us after they had sucked every penny from us then poof they were gone.
You need to grow up ! If neither of you have been in this child’s life who are you to judge the mama ? And you sound like a selfish person to ve so bothered by a daddy wanting his child in his life . He should dump your negative butt & do whatever it takes to do right for his kid. Cause I promise by this post there’s a lot more self serving motive thrown at him as road blocks.
The courts could help relocating is not required.
I hope this dad grows a set …
Yes your in the wrong, until you have your own child you will understand the fathers place its best to always fight for your children
Sadly alot of women use their kids as a way to get to the father
Fighting for your child is NEVER a waste. Shame on you.
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Wow. Never give up on your child
You never stop fighting for a child no matter what the situation is (legally). I know you’re frustrated but giving up on a child is incomprehensible to me. It baffles me how people can be like this. These children, this child is innocent. It really does take a village and said village needs to step up or step out.
Yep, your wrong. “Throw in the towel” “wasting time” … Not when it comes to your children. I’d throw your ass away:thinking:
You can do court via phone or zoom
He should make every effort. Maybe ask the court for child to spend summer vacations with his father.
Don’t quit on a child.
Time flies and It’s a temporary situation.
Yes. You are wrong. Very wrong.
I hope he leaves you. You are terrible person
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Wow some of you people have never been in a situation like this and it shows…
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It is a really hard situation. But you are right, your husband will has to establish residence in the State or County where the child lives. We went through this and it was so expensive. My husband had to actually set up residence in a motel in the State of Oklahoma fir three conservative months and show proof of receiving mail at that address. In the end he won total custody and control of his son and she had to pay child support. I t was really an ordeal and you have to be strong to survive it!!
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Hes a lot better man than you are a woman.
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Personally I could never respect a man that didn’t. How he shows up for that kid, or attempts to is a pretty good indication of how he will show up for yours… would you really want to be with a man that didn’t at least try to take responsibility for the child he brought into this world. No matter how difficult the situation?! I mean that’s basically what being a parent is. Doing what’s right for the child despite all of life’s bullshit…
You’re very wrong.
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Would you give up if it was your own child???!!
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You wrong wrong. Why are pics of baby with her dude even an issue. I’m taking a wild guess here but u sound like u may be a huge part of this problem. Poor baby. Imagine u left ur child’s father and his woman was encouraging him to just abandon it. Disgusting
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Yes. You’re super wrong… but not sure dad feels too different since he moved so far away… seems he gave up too.
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Wow you’re a terrible partner and your husband should replace you with someone who will actually care for him and his children.
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Um shouldn’t he be making the choice of if he stops fighting for his kid?
It’s a waste for your husband to stay with you. What’s not a waste is him fighting for his kid…
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Fighting for his child is a waste?
Would you stop
fighting and call it a waste if it was your child.
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You are wrong. If he is considering ‘throwing the towel in,’ he is wrong too & in that case you 2 are perfect for each other & maybe don’t have any kids together.
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Yes it’s about the child they need to know he tries and that he loves them no matter what she does
How does your husband feel about it?
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You are so wrong. A parent never gives up on their child. And, a spouse who loves their partner would never want their partner to give up on their child either.
What parent would ever give up fighting for their child, support your husband for as long as it takes
Because she doesn’t have full power and if it was your kid I’m sure you would do all in your power to see yoir child. Take her ass to court.
That poor child deserves to see his daddy. And ur man should see his son.
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It states ARE WE wrong for throwing in the towel not just her but him as well. I mean you live your life. I have been in a situation like this and at 18 I decided to have a relationship with my dad. I don’t hate him or resent him for what he chose.
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You don’t care bc it’s not your child. You’re extremely wrong.
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You have no dog in the fight. HE should fight to see HIS CHILD regardless of how his BM feels. The child deserve to have a connection with the father bc some men don’t even bother. YOU should start out of the middle of it bc it’s not your child. Since you’re disconnected, keep that to yourself, but encourage him to be THE BEST dad he can possibly be!
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None of it is the child’s fault and the child still deserves to have their real father fight for them. I’ve been dealing with something similar for the past almost 5 years. She wants full control over the older two children and has hated me since I came into the picture. When I first got with him, he was only allowed to see them Friday night to Sunday night and that’s it. I’ve helped him get them weekly and at one point we had them almost everyday for 2-3 years. Even now, she is hell to deal with and won’t respond to us at all unless it’s to be a jerk about something. I know she has cut you guys off period, but at least when she has to come clean about who the babies dad it, you can say you guys tried everything to be there for them. The situation sucks and honestly, you got with him knowing his situation I’m sure. You have no business getting into a situation like that if you’re not even going to fight for that child.
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I’m so disgusted by this post…Kids are ALWAYS worth fighting for, especially your own. If I were him, I would divorce you in a heartbeat and not even think twice about it with that mentality. You clearly are not a parent yet, and if/when you do become one, I hope you are never in a position where you have to fight for your child…because it sucks, and it’s hard, and having an SO with this mentality would be a deal breaker for sure.
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“Fight for his kid” sounds like you found a good man who wants to be apart of his child’s life…. To bad he has a shitty wife
You need to support your husband in fighting for his rights to be a father. If you can’t do that, you need to step back and let him find someone who will stand by him, who won’t try to talk him out of it. You have a lot of soul searching to do. Good luck x
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You should always fight for your children. No matter what. You wanting to “throw in the towel” makes me question your character.
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Well, IF me and my spouse were to split (we have 1 child together), anyone i would ever be with after our seperation would come strictly after my child. As in, if i was fighting for my child and someone wanted me to…stop fighting for my child? Mmm… that person would have to find another person lol.
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You’re in the wrong. He has every right to fight for his child no matter how immature the child’s mother is
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So, y’all don’t have a custody order. She has full power bcuz dad is a dumbass and hasn’t initiated a court ordered visitation schedule 
how can you be over it when you haven’t even actually done anything…?
I can see it from both sides. It would be incredibly frustrating to be entangled in a messy, expensive, stressful situation like this. Even more difficult with the physical distance, yes. She wouldn’t have full power though if he had started fighting for his parental rights from the beginning. Why do you care if she blocks you? I take that to mean on social media…so no biggie. That would make things easier likely. At the end of the day though…the child should come first. They should matter most. All children need their parents, and unless one of those parents poses a threat to the child in some way, they should have both. No child should feel unwanted or unloved by their own parent. It isn’t about letting her have her way. It’s about stepping up for your child, doing what’s right, and sacrificing time, money, whatever is necessary for that child. If he doesn’t want to do that and be consistent, then that would be a damn shame for that child. You as the the stepmother however, should support his efforts to gain rights/partial custody if he is serious about being there for his child. You definitely don’t want to be the one who encouraged him not to fight if that’s what he intends to do. That will cause major issues later on…for all involved.
Drive his ass to court and try to get visitation. There is no excuse not to be part of your child’s life
You should always fight for a child.
Wrong wrong wrong!!!
Yes…you’re wrong, 100% without a doubt wrong. You fight for your kids always. You never throw in the towel…ever.
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He needs to leave you and move back where his kid lives and spend his energy on fighting for his kid instead of on you. Don’t you dare discourage him from his child. What kind of woman are you? No better than the baby mama. He needs to man up and see his kid. Evidently the child is not in a stable environment right now.
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What difference WHO is in the picture?? Those are YOUR kids…maybe THEY dont want to see YOU in the pictures…
Sure, and if you have kids give them up too. Fk all those kids right?
If this was your child an the other way around would you want your husband to give up on your child ? I’m actually so disgusted by this post … every child is worth fighting for an who are you to discourage him from this ? A child wondering why they weren’t good enough for dad to wanna see them ? Can you live with that ? If so then this man deserves better , I’m so beyond disappointed in this post
Your in the wrong
And it’s not your decision to decide anything
Your job as a wife is to support your husband
The child is not your blood but your husbands
And since that is your husband’s child that is your child as well
You married him and everything that is him
So you better fight for that child
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What if something happens to the bio mother? The father needs that connection with his child! You both sound very immature and I hope you don’t have an more children you can throw away!
It’s always important for the dad to fight for his child. SMH girl get you a man with no baggage. There’s woman out here that gonna do everything for that man and that child. Advocate for his rights! I said what I said
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Listen what you just said … WHY FIGHT SO HARD FOR SOMETHING … If you don’t know the answer to that you ain’t my type of peoples
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Unless the kid is full grown and can make his own choices you fight for the best for child regardless how difficult. And if they cut you off as adults make some changes and leave the door open.
Wow!!! U ARE UNBELIEVABLE he should leave your a$$ unreal
WOW! That poor child. Fighting for your child is never not worth it. He should absolutely keep fighting. Thats his kid! And they deserve to know who their father is! Terrible you seem to think otherwise. Would you just give up on them if it were your kid?!
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Every child is worth fighting for. Yes. Do everything you can to let that child know …he is worth the trouble. God bless. 
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I personally don’t even understand the appeal of a man who would give up his own children
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Why would he move thousands of miles from his son if he wants a relationship with him? Sounds like he may be telling you a story that isn’t exactly true. Actions speak louder than words. He says he wants a relationship but what has he done to make it happen?
Also you can’t control what she posts. No matter how you feel about it these men are in his life. Doesn’t seem like your husband is really interested in moving closer, going to court & putting boundaries in a legal agreement. So it’s not going to stop.
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As long as u can look that child in the face, when they become grown, and say to them, “I gave up on you.”…
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Did he move away? Why did he allow it to go on for years?
Court systems suck. Getting a divorce and child support has taken one of my relatives over 2 years. STILL. NO CHILD SUPPORT FOR. A SINGLE MOM NOW IN COLORADO
Wtf. Super wrong. You never stop fighting for your child. And as a woman… you should support that.
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No, you are not in the wrong and your husband would not be either if he did as well…
The child will one day, be legal age…
You could wait for then to seek out the child and the mother would have no say…
I will go against the grain and say that the way you feel isn’t wrong. As long it is just your feelings and you are not manipulating or demanding your husband to give up on his child I do say you are not wrong to feel what you feel. Let your husband deal with the situation and don’t give your two cents on what should he do about the situation.
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Yes the child is worth fighting for also no child support was mention ,is the dad paying child support ?
You are absolutely in the wrong. He should never quit fighting for his child , and ditch any woman that would ask him to.
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I hope he leaves you and fights for “the child” Geez, what a sorry mindset to have.
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If that man you so Love can leave his own blood he created to be raised by another man you need to run sweety! Or maybe you’re just like him
I’m going to assume you’re not a parent yourself otherwise this question would sound as dumb to you as it does to me.
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Visitation is not for you. It’s for the kid.
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He’ll never stop fighting for his child, if you’ve had enough of it “leave”.
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while the mother is to blame for repeatedly bringing in different father figures, why did your husband JUST start trying to contact his child?? i don’t blame her for being against it if he was fine w/ abandonment for so long. a child is worth a lot more than “thousands of miles.”
I don’t think you’re wrong at all! There’s only so much you can do, and it’s not really your problem anyway. I’d let him make his own decision and be done with it.
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yes u wrong if he wants a relationship with his child he has the right to fight for it
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Just encourage the father to keep in contact, pay child support and go to court to arrange visitations. Some dads move to be close to their children. Others arrange for vacation and Summers. Court is a must.
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He can get shared custody of the child where the child is with him for so long out of the year if you live thousands of miles apart. If he really wanted to see the child he would do whatever it takes to have a relationship with him or her
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Have any of you ever dealt with a controlling manipulative physco baby mom or dad? Those r the worst that use the child as a pawn to control the situation. I so beleive a child is worth fighting for but if all they r gonna see is toxic behavior what good r u doing? The games that r played. Oh i dont like your gf or bf you cant see them. At the end of the day the child should come first n if u can not be civil n co parent then 1 needs to walk away. Cus either way that child is hurting. There are plenty of people out there who co parent juat fine n then theres the ones i described. I hope that whatever you n your partner decide the child is safer for it.
It’s not up to the mother to decide if he is in his child’s life! He is the father! Did he see the child when they first divorced? Did he get visitation? Does he pay support? Does he want to be involved?
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NEVER EVER EVER EVER GIVE UP ON A CHILD.
Tell you husband to keep records of every attempt at contact and visitation. Go to activities if yuh can for his school. She cannot control that. Someday when that child is older you can show him that you tried. And that will mean everything to him.
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He should never stop fighting for his child period
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Would you give up on trying to see your child. You seem a bit selfish, that’s his child and if he gives up then you picked a real winner 
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This is f*cked 
poor kid
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Omg im just sad for your husband…he is a good dad for not abandoning his child …its hard …its always hard nothing is easy in life…and if it is …damn yall luckyyyy