I dont think HE is doing anything wrong. YOU are. Your job as a wife is to support your husband, even if you don’t agree. You want to quit. All because it’s dramatic and stressful to you? Girl, your husband feels that stress 20 fold. Not only is he getting it from his ex, he’s getting it from you. What do you think your unwillingness to support him in this says to your husband? If he were smart he would leave your selfish ass. That child needs his father. Because God knows men are gonna be in and out of his life, as you’ve seen happening already with those in a relationship with his mother. He needs stability. He needs someone to count on. If your husband wants to fight for his child, don’t get in the way of it. Instead, support him. This has nothing to do with you. You’re being selfish. Almost like you’re jealous that your husband would want to fight for his child and not you. If you make him choose between his child and you, you better be prepared to lose all of it. If this was the other way around and it were your child, you wouldn’t be acting like this. Shame on you. Children need and deserve both parents in their life. Support your husband and gtfo of the way of his relationship with his child. The fighting has limits. Eventually, it’ll stop. But in the meantime, stop adding drama and giving ultimatums. Your opinion of his mother doesn’t matter. That child will hate you if you continue down this road. So get on board, or get out. That child existed before you came along, and he will be there after as well. The one with the problem is you. Check yourself and take a good hard look at what you’re doing and how you’re acting. That child is watching. What you do now, the things you say, the way you present yourself, every part of it can either make you and your husband stronger, or it can tear you apart. The choice is yours. But the repercussions will be felt by more than just you. Remember that.
Completely wrong!! And parents go to court for custody even across the country without locating so that’s a poor excuse as well!! You’re just making excuses to not have to try because the mom makes it difficult and that’s not fair for the kid and if your husband is willing to give up that easy he shouldn’t have the privilege of being called dad anyways
What a sorry coont.
Kids are worth more then YOUR feelings.
Like, go jump an over pass bruh, that baby deserves better then you.
FIGHT for the child. It will matter in the long run.
Its his child he has all rights to fight. It shouldnt be your decision if he fought or not. If he wants to see his child then Thats his decision not yours.
Someone should never give up on their child. He has to keep fighting. Even if it never happens at least he tried his best and did everything he could do.
I haven’t read how he feels about the situation. I’m disappointed he moved so far away from his baby. But I respect that he’s come to his senses and wants to be a part of the child’s life. Is he paying support? That’s the first step. He should make sure he is supporting his child. Next, he should be saving money every month so that when he can take vacation from work, he can go get a hotel room near his child and really spend some time, with or without you. You seem to be less than enthusiastic about him being in this child’s life. So, if you resent the mother and so forth, maybe you’ll want to not go. He can spend time in the child’s life in the summer, and maybe when the child is old enough, the mother can put him/her on a plane and send him/her to the dad for the summer. Then maybe you’ll have overcome your resentment and will be ready to accept this child.
He had the child before you, if he wants to fight and you care for him you “woman up” dig in your heels, move, and fight. This is a child not a possession
Since you obviously both suck it’s probably best you just continue to do the awful thing you’ve been doing and just stay tf away. 
My opinion depends on a few things. For one, are you the only one wanting to quit trying? If he doesnt want to quit fighting for his kid then you need to prepare to support him through that. If that’s not the case and he also wants to quit fighting, then you guys need to prepare for the child possibly resenting you botb. If the courts wont help you unless you live near the child, I wouldnt deplete yourself financially to move. How would you care for this child if you use ALL of your resources just to take it to court, you know? It’s a really tough and tricky situation. The mom bringing around different men and having the child call them “daddy” is extremely concerning. Before you give up, exhaust every option you can think of.
Man what if you were that child, when you grow up, explain how you’d feel. Say it out loud a hundred times? Feel any guilt? Imagine the poor little soul, you don’t know what the baby thinks, says or does, what if you fought so damn hard got that child 100% and made that child have a better life, are you the problem that’s stopping him from fighting for his child? That simply just could be YALLS child, and if you know all of that… why wouldn’t you want to make the child’s life better… just because your life isn’t peachy doesn’t mean you ruin or let someone else’s innocent life crumble. #ColdTruth #MomAtHeart
He needs to throw you away. What kind of person are you ……
Does he want the child in his life? If so then don’t throw in the towel, back him up on it. And figure out a way to eventually get to common ground.
But while the child is with the mom, you and the father can’t really say much about what’s going on on that end. You are only responsible for your side. Unless the safety of the child becomes a concern
And if he doesn’t want to be in the child’s life then you can’t force it, thus throwing in the towel. And maybe down the line things can change
Don’t let these other comments dog you. That shit is hard. They can give their opinions all they want. But that’s doesn’t define who you are.
They can say well what if it was your child and blah blah blah but it’s not. They can’t compare your situation to another one. Bc no two situations are the same.
NEVER give up!! He is the father just as much she is the mother and he has rights. Idc if you’re a million miles away if he fights hard enough he will be granted some sort of visitation or even some type of custody! Look into your local courts and find out what you can do
This is wrong and wrong of you to want to or even advise him to give up on it! What if it was your kid!?? Let me tell you, my best friend and her husband fought for his kids and they were the furthest states away, Washington and Maine ! No you do not have to live close to go to court! Get a good lawyer and get his rights to his child. Poor kid!
I would never ask my husband to even ATTEMPT to give up trying to see ANY of his three prior children. They are my stepchildren and just as much my own children as my daughter is. I don’t understand all this animosity towards step children? I love my step kids and I consider them a part of our family and I would fight to hell and back alongside my husband to make sure he had a right to see them. Just me though I guess…
For someone who says you are detached from the situation sure doesn’t sound like it and yes you are wrong because everything is going to dad
NEVER stop fighting !!
Courts will allow zoom meetings with the miles being so much. So if he wanted to try HE WOULD. hire an attorney in that state and fight it out.
Would you give up if it was your child?
I have been goin them the same thing since 2013. I’m in a whole different time zone as my kids . I cannot move back there because of my rare disease and need proper medical doctors. I’ve fought and paid a ton of money but don’t give up it was so worth it. I now get my kids every summer and every spring break and most holidays we rotate ect. As far as being blocked and not being able to see pictures of the kids or info on the kids via the mothers social media accounts and such that never goes away and sadly neither does the being able to control who comes in and out of the children’s lives. If he is young the best thing to do which we just had to do is hire a child therapist and pay for an in home visit aadly since we wanted the in home visit we aud to lay for most of the fathers in home visit as well. But she will talk to the child or children in private then with yall and his mother and whoever she is involved with as well as make sure the child has lroper food and place to sleep and clothes ect… and she will write a report that can be used in court. The woken or man that comes and does the in home visits will also be at court the day yall would have court. We paid around 5000 for the in home visits but that made our case and i would soend that money again in a heartbeat!
Well I’m glad you’re not my parent or my step parent I’m glad my parents never gave up on me not even to the day they died nor my husband I would never give up on my children I’ve stopped but I have never give up not in my heart and not in my soul and not ever to the day I die
If he is paying support for the child and wants visitation. He must go to court. It is expensive and the mother can make it difficult. You as the second wife really have no say except to encourage him to see his child. It is about the child’s welfare, and what is in the best interest of the child. It is not about you. ~
He needs to ditch you a fight for his kid
Would you throw in the towel if it was one of your kids? You fight tooth and nail for your kids, you seem to know a lot the mother to his child considering you clsim he has not seen the child since birth! You sound jealous and that’s typical! If you can’t support your fiance you have business marrying him
Honestly you never quit your child. The kid’s mom may be a pain in the ass, she may be this she may be that, but in the end the only person that matters is that child. The child has never asked once to be put into the situation. If Dad is not going to fight for child who’s going to fight for the child. You fight and you fight and you fight until you get a resolution it might not be everything you want or everything he wants but at least you can tell your child you tried your best for them.
Some places do phone court procedures
Tf does it matter if there’s another man in the photos of his child? That is petty to be telling her you wanna see pictures and videos of the child, but to turn around and b*tch about who’s in the pictures.
Let your man make the decision.
You are 100% WRONG for this
You NEVER give up on a your child and if I y partner ever suggested it I’d be filing for divorce ASAP
Also…she doesn’t have full control of shit
Go to court not through the mom
Yes your wrong. The child needs his dad. To let the child know he never gave up on the child
This is very sad for dad and child. Tell him to always buy cards for all occasions and keep a weekly journal of all his feelings and thoughts if his child. Someday his child will show up and he will be able to see how much he was alway loved and thought about. It will help the child someday and maybe even your husband. 
Go to the courts. I know someone who gave up their rights years ago…prompted by his parents. He was sorry later & tried to connect, long story short it didnt work the teen child said No.
Wow. Yes. Both of you are wrong. Thousands of miles away is no excuse not to try for at least Sunmer visits and holidays, phone or video chats, etc.
U fight with ur husband for his rights as a parent!!! You don’t give a shit about the kid nor ur husband if u can “detach” like that…
As the child that, this was done to. Don’t! Just don’t! Keep your nose out of it. Do not ever come between a child an a father. I’m 36 and I’m still working though all the trauma of my childhood. We never get over it. We just learn to deal with it.
YES , BIG FAT YES… it is wrong to not fo right by they child. Full stop .
You should be supportive that your husband is trying so hard to be in his kids life. People like you really piss me off. My parents split up and my father NEVER ONCE made an effort to be in my life again. I was 6 months old when they split. You don’t know the damage it causes when a father isn’t present and doesn’t even bother to be. I’m 30 fucking years old now. I have so many issues because of it. He should leave your miserable ass.
Do you have any idea of the damage you’re doing to a child by saying “nope not worth it.” Disgusting.
If I were him I would kick you to the curb 
doesn’t matter how difficult a coparent is, that is still HIS child
Would you want to be told if it was your child? Would you want your SO to say to you “this becoming too hard, you should just give up”? No. You fight for your child tooth and nail. Doesn’t matter if you’re 1000s of miles away. You go to court and you make it work. Whether that be you flying there and flying back with the child for summer and holiday visits, or you fly there and get a place to rent for the summer holiday visits. You don’t ever give up on your child and for you to even think about suggesting this to your SO because things are hard is appalling. Because if that happens you know what the child is going to remember? That dad gave up. Sure as shit aren’t gonna remember that mom made things difficult, but they’ll remember that dad gave up.
So obviously ,at least i hope,You yourself dont have a child…because if you did you would understand how absolutely crazy you sound…Of Course its worth it to fight for his child…wtf is wrong with you.If I were the mother i wouldnt want your heartless a** around my child either.And if this man has any sense he needs to choose his child and this fight over you!
Wow how selfish can you be? Fight for that child. Do not let the father walk away. Every child needs both their parents (if there is no abuse involved). So yes you are wrong by throwing in the towel and walking away.
That child did not ask to be brought into this world and needs their father and you to be good supportive parents to it.
I would never stop fighting for my kid and I’d divorce any bitch who told me to. 
You fight tooth and nail for kids you sound weak giving it.Get some guts in you both I feel for the kid
So we live about 8 hrs from my step son we see him on all holidays and vacations there is a way to have contact and see the child. And if you don’t want mom to resent you then be excited to see the kids photos even if the other man is in the picture. The more you get along the easier it is for you to see child. Don’t give up go to court get the child on holidays or at least the summer and be there for the child
There is two ways to look at this. I would never want a man to give up on my child but he has unfortunately. So I see the hurt the child goes through. I don’t think a parent should ever give up. They should always try calling,send cards,letters,little toys,trying. Showing they are consistent and will be stable. On the other hand there are parents that do alienation. Anyone that hasn’t dealt with it can’t judge it. It can take a lot of fighting and a lot of money. Some people can’t pay child support and also pay for every supervised visit and court. It’s understandable where you would be frustrated and want to give up but…think what you would do if it was your child. Your husband needs to try the best he can but sometimes a mom will make it impossible.
How old is the child now? Always send cards every holiday and just because in between. Document everything, AND if they are returned, so be it, KEEP IT! If you can’t call, write, send it certified with signature and without. That way, one way they can refuse, one way they can’t, but they can trash it. Either way, you have documentation, and hope that it does get to the child.
Is there people that y’all know around the town where the child lives? Maybe they can help with photos at public events. You can also have an Atty send her a letter because if there are orders in place, she does need to follow them. Good Luck! Feel free to contact me anytime. I have been there, and wore that tShirt out! Thankfully we survived and the child is adult.
Yikes. Know your place
That’s exactly what she wants you guys to do. Don’t do it. She wants you guys to give up so she can say “see they didn’t even want the baby because they didn’t fight me” your job as bonus mom is to make sure you support your husband in getting that child the visitation they deserve. If it were your child you’d fight tooth and nail for them. So act like this child is yours because it’s half your husband, and if you love him you gotta love that kid too and want them around. Throwing in the towel doesn’t count when you’re talking about kids.
If it was YOUR child would you just give up?
You don’t have kids do you?
Not your child to decide to work for or not work for. But if the situation is upsetting you this much, then maybe rethink your relationship amd love for this man. You should be supporting him in this, it is his child. I do understand how hard it is on both ends here however this kid is innocent and deserves to know both parents. Its not your decision. The petty things here are just that, petty. Support him here. Or walk away. End of story
He’s the father of their child so let him choose what he wants to do. And if you care for the child why do you care so much about who’s in pictures with her. That’s her child and you’re telling her what to do with her own child? No it doesn’t work that way. Either he wants to be in the child’s life or not. That’s his choice and you should stick beside his choice seeing as they had this child before you came into his life🤷🏻♀️
It’s his responsibility at the end you can only support his choice.
Do not allow that child to be denied his family. Not only is the child not seeing their father, they are also missing out on a relationship with any other family from the father side. Absolutely fight for visitation even if you live thousands of miles away there are always summer vacations holidays etc. that you can see a child
Stay out of it and let your husband do what he wants. He is his child.
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Throwing in the towel should NOT be a option! You as a woman should help your husband fight for his baby!! Shame on you for wanting to give up!! I’m sorry but if he was a real man he would give you up first and fight like hell for his child!!
Yeah… your husband needs to drop you…not his child!! Unbelievable…smh
I think your first mistake is basically trying to tell her who she can have around her kid. It doesn’t matter if it’s the third guy. She’s the one taking care of that child. Not you guys. Also if you don’t want your husband to fight for his child you just need to go. Let that man find someone who wants his child too. Lord 
Omg please never have kids yourself?
Thats very selfish honestly. That poor lil one. Summer vacations, holidays, video chats and phone calls should all be fought for. The child deserves to know both parents and it didn’t ask for this situation it was put into. Send letters and cards and little gifts often. Distance doesn’t matter. You shouldn’t ever come between child and father kids come first.
I get it, your frustrated beyond what most of these responders understand.
Take a deep breath, put yourself in the position if it were your child. I understand it’s harder bc he’s thousands of miles away, but there are ways you can see him with some consistency and still make a difference in the child’s life.
The father can get him a phone and facetime regularly, request/get him for summers and holidays – build a relationship that overshadows the mother’s ignorance. One day he will be thankful and who knows he may get older and request to come live with you all.
Would you fight for your child? Why is this even a question! My husband is in court constantly trying to fight for his son and I support him every time!
You’re wrong for inserting yourself and no parent should ever give up on their child
Wow!!! Always fight for your children no matter what!
Can you guys PLEASE HELP ME fight for my daughter!! 
I need to cover all the legal fees!! Please be an angel to me and my daughter so se can be together. https://gofund.me/fd3a4b32
No parent should ever give up on fighting for their children
You clearly have no children if you did you would never give up fighting
Giving up on your own kid for such minimal reasoning. It’s OK to just say “he has no bond and no desire to to bond so hes decided to give up his rights so her fiance can adopt him one day” you’d get more respect for being honest than you will just quitting. Smh
I think you need to keep your nose out and let the father decide what he needs to do. They made that kid. Not you. I am a SM myself and I couldn’t sit back and watch my SO do that. It’s wrong and it’s weak of him. And you shouldn’t encourage him. Grow up.
Sounds like a hard situation and distance doesn’t help.Feeling for the child. Speak to an attorney with family law experience.
What the heck
Is this a real question
I bet you would never ask him that.
When you married him you knew he had a child.
It’s a package deal.
Giving up is not an option.
Support your husband
Devil’s advocate here. Y’all are going to have to coexist with whoever she may be with. I understand that y’all are thousands of miles away but for him to have any kind of relationship with his child, he’s going to have to let stuff go. This is about his relationship with this child, not this child and whoever momma may be with at the time. He (and you) need to focus on the child and nothing else.
I went 2 years with out seeing my son over court and once court ordered I get my son so it depends how much you love said child and how much you want the best for the child.
Yes you are wrong. He needs to get rid of you and fight for his kids!!
Wtf is wrong with you expecting him to just give up on his kids??!!
Id never give up on my child it’s wrong none of this is said child’s fault
Y’all both ain’t 
You never stop fighting for your kids. Period.
Y’all both ain’t
It’s his choice what he wants to do, and it’s your job to support his choice. It doesn’t matter the cost of what it takes . This is his fight for his child. Maybe you don’t have children but you love your children more than anything in this life , he is right to fight for it. This is not about you. The only influence you should have is being on the side line cheering to support him . Being patient and being a good listener.
Tell me you don’t have a biological child without telling me you don’t have a biological child 
Jesus Murphy I would do anything for my children. As would my husband and rightfully so.
Every single word of this, i live it myself. Bitter mother who absolutely hates me being in my childs life. Tells my kid that her boyfriend is her dad because im not around (fully her choice, not mine). Its maddening. My mind just doesnt operate like that, so i cant understand it. My mind automatically goes to what is mature, and best for the children. She always hated in the past that i had a girlfriend around him, but she moved “dad” in literally 3 months after we split up. She now has 3 kids by 3 different dads. I fought for my son in your court, but your situation sounds alot more complicated and frustrating. I dont blame u for throwing in the towel. There are times i wanted to, trust me. Women like this are an absolute nightmare to deal with. Hell, u would think they would get sick of their own shit eventually 
Yes, you’re wrong. Do what ever you can to support him in having access to his child. Document everything, and keep good records on everything he does to get access. He might not get access until the child is old enough to decide for himself/herself, but these records will be the proof Dad DID try, and wanted to be a part of his childs life. If you encourage your husband to give up when he clearly wants a relationship, expect resentment and blame to rest squarely on your shoulders. A child deserves to know both their biological parents, whenever possible. Be a support, not a hindrance. You will all be happier (except the ex) in the long run.
You are 1000% wrong. Idc how difficult the situation is, if my partner ever suggested giving up on my child (or theirs) they would be out the door so fast. You should be supporting him instead of making it harder.
We live in AZ and fought for custody in FL. We hired an attorney there and attended court via telephonic hearing. When attorneys wiped us out, I started doing all of the paperwork myself, then got on craigslist in FL and found an attorney to do our filing for us for 500.00 and at the end of the day, we won, child moved to AZ and I adopted. There’s always a way if it really matters…
It’s not your child. It’s not your choice. He should be fighting for his child. That’s what any good father would do.
All of you sound stupíd:rofl:
that poor kid is surrounded by grown children:rofl:
Never give up. I’m sure it’s super frustrating to be in a constant battle. Eventually though, maybe you all can get the child for holidays, spring break, and throughout the summer. Distance can be overcome. Ps. It shouldn’t matter if she posts pictures with her new fiance. Focus on the child and if the mom does something you don’t like on social media, delete that post. Otherwise, if you let her know it bothers you, she could keep on, on purpose. Be smart and remember, the child is the goal. Nothing else really matters.
I would NEVER stop fighting for my child. My oldest was taken away from me when I was 19 because of my addiction. It took me 10 years to get back in her life after getting clean but MAMA NEVER GAVE UP!! You don’t have to live in that state to fight for custody. Dad not throwing in the towel yet tells me that he is still willing to fight for his baby so don’t be one to try and stand in his way.
…he should never stop fighting for his child. And you should support it or step out of his way
Absolutly wrong for giving up! Would you give up on your child?I’d fight to my death bed for my children!
Go to court and get set visitation. She doesn’t get to decide. You don’t have to travel to court. You can appear telephonically or via zoom. If they set a hearing you can petition to appear telephonically. All I can say is the ex has as much power as you give her.
Think in terms of how you will explain it to the child when he’s older and asks why you didn’t see him more.
I suggest you try to find someone who can give you some advice on how to deal with this. Maybe a child advocacy group. Please don’t give up.
Why would you even say anything about what pictures she posts? And how is it the courts wouldn’t help? There’s no need to move, just make it to the court dates. Get a visitation plan. You do absolutely nothing for this kid and want his dad to give up on him… yet you want to critique her parenting of the child, what pictures she posts and who she has the child around? Make that make sense.
Um, I really think as a partner you need to put your feelings aside and help and support your husband to be in his child’s life no matter how difficult the child’s mother is or the situation. A child deserves BOTH parents in their lives especially if they’re both able. Some parents purposely make it hard so that you give up. His child will never forgive him or you for not fighting for him.
So a man who has had zero contact and his current wife come into the picture after years of zero imput and have an opinion about who takes photos with the child. 
yeah leave em be. They sound better off.
You keep fighting, you can do court remotely so yes it is an option but you can’t expect a parent to just walk away from their child.
This breaks my heart 
. You are wrong. See 
.
