If this is a thing and you Quit on the child, do not come back when he’s 18 and messed up and try to fix it.
Going on with a friend of mine and I’m having a hard time with any support when she’s trying to fix him at 18.
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So he didn’t care to fight to be in his child’s life from day one and y’all are mad at the man who stepped up to take care of the child. All three of you are TA.
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Fight for the child. Its for the child/father relationship and best for the child to know her biological dad
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So what does the child’s mother “blocking” you on social media accounts….have to do with the contact visits that started in November?
Who cares if you can’t see photos on her Facebook due to her blocking you…what do you have a PHD in lurkology?
It seems like you were waiting for the perfect opportunity ……& using it as leverage to unburden yourself.
You don’t abandon a child because you don’t approve of the moms behavior!
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It’s *really not your decision & quite frankly it’s not your place to discourage him … It’s his child 
if he feels the need to fight for parenting time & get to know his child after being absent from it’s life then GO HIM !!!
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Yes you are wrong. You are entitled to be frustrated, mad, downright pissed off. But you never give up on your child. And by marrying his father it made him your child too. Yes do go to court. You don’t need to pay for travel, they do video/telephone for hearings these days. Fight for the right to have him a few weeks in the summer at least. It is NEVER ok to stop fighting for you child. Never.
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Yes you are wrong for suggesting that your significant other should just throw in the towel and give up on his child.  you’re also wrong for supporting him to throw in the towel. 
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Omg… this isn’t your child. This isn’t your blood. You don’t get a say. Eww
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This whole post is just disgusting. That child deserves better on both sides of this mess🤦🏻♀️
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Do give up, if you live that far you should have the child in the summer and at least one of the holidays during the year. Fight for this child .
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2 people close to me have had to wait until their kids were old enough to say they want contact. The one was 16. The other 18. Thankfully there were no hard feelings from the kiddos.
I actually think anyone with this mindset should not be with someone who has a child.
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A child is always worth the time to be with them. A parent that tries to keep the children from the other parent usually regrets it since many times the child resents the party that keeps them away from the other parent.
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Your husband is. You don’t really matter in the equation. But when this kid starts asking questions about where were you why didn’t you fight to see me. His dads gonna tell him it was “too hard”?!? And think that absolves him of any bad feelings?
Maybe figure out whatever you can to move closer to the child so dad gets to have a better relationship. The kid calls this fiance daddy bc that’s who is doing the dad stuff. That’s whose being dad to him. Maybe you shouldn’t be with someone who already has children.
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It’s his child, that child is part of him… it’s his decision alone … it’s not your say… the child is for always but wives and girlfriends are always replaceable
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How would you feel if it was your child being held by its other parent. Would you stop fighting to see them coz it was hard?
Yeah you’re an arsehole. You fight the whole time regardless of outcome.
Seriously shouldn’t even be making him choose between his child and you that child’s there for life you’d be out of mine if you wanted me to give up on them feel there’s more to the story about the photo situation worry about yourselves not who the mum has in her life the only concern is the child
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Yes, you are absolutely wrong. You have options as many others have stated. You need to support your husband or exit the picture all together. Also you don’t get to say if there is pictures of the child and the fiance the only one who can make that call is a judge. You should do some serious soul searching
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Wow, I hope he leaves you sis. 
what type of woman says something like that…
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You always fight for your children!!! No excuses
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Think that is your partners choice not yours . He still loves his kid and he should be able to have contact . Maybe he should give up on you .
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It’s totally up to you to detach from the situation and not wanna do it, but you do NOT have the right to discourage your partner to fight for his own child.
I would die before giving up on my children, no matter the situation
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It’s not your place! No matter what you don’t know the whole story. It’s up to the father you are not a player in this situation what so ever.
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Yes you’re wrong. His child is going to grow up and ask him why he didn’t fight for them. I told my husband during his first big fight with BM in our relationship, when he wanted to walk, I would walk if he did. No kid deserves that because their mom is negative. That’s literally half his DNA. Literally ludicrous. How would you feel if someone told you to give up on your child?? (if you have/had one)
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This is a sad post. That poor kid. Honestly chica…you don’t deserve the title of being a step parent. Where’s the love and compassion?? Your husband sounds like he sucks too. Maybe there is a reason this mom has been keeping the child away from u guys. 
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Would you give up on your kid? No?
Than sit down and shhh.
And if you can’t, why did you marry a man who had a child?
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Sounds like he shouldn’t have married you.
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Absolutely not. You feel this way ONLY because it’s not your child. I hope he sees this and leaves you asap.
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Neither of you deserve her if you both feel this way.
If you “emotionally detached” you don’t give a shit about her.
And he’s a lazy parent if he just chooses not to fight.
I know some mothers can be toxic but that’s really not what this is about.
You want an excuse to give up.
Ya may as well just leave him cuz his kid should always be important.
Furthermore, her fiancé is there. Y’all ain’t. Obviously that kid is bonding with someone
She definitely shouldn’t have had her calling every man daddy. But. Y’all really ain’t the victims from my point of view.
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I totally hear u! It’s very hard! The question here is how is the child with dad (and u)? If there is love and the child isn’t speaking about not wanting to see u themselves ( start of alienation) then try to make something work- get something in writing - even if because of the distance it’s only once a month and two weeks in the summer!
I understand, trust me, it can be very hard dealing with road blocks and a toxic ex! But, what I will say, it’s important for the child to have both parents (and step if it comes to that) as long as child is safe u cannot control what goes on in each different household! I know it’s frustrating with men in and out for the mother - again trust me- but I do think u should not get stuck on that! Focus on what’s in ur control- calling the child, mailing cards, getting minimum visitation, providing support and loving the child- consistency is key! Consistency will help child thrive!
U r actually right- disengaging may help u mentally right now- but disengaging does not mean throwing in the towel good luck
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Yes, you are very wrong. He should want to fight for his child. If you really loved him you would want him to and fully support him while doing so. Smh
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Would you walk away from your child? If so your a shit for a mom…sorry.
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Yes you’re wrong. It’s his child and he needs to be responsible
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As a mother with full custody of her children, if your husband wants to fight for those kids. Let him. If he loses, okay, but at least he can’t say he didn’t fight to be a part of that child’s life.
Some people would kill for their kids to have a dad that wants to fight for them.
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Court systems don’t just award sole legal custody to just one parent unless there is a very valid reason. My question is why is he 1,000 miles away from his kid? Either he moved away, gave permission for mom to move, or he signed away/lost his 50% legal custody. There’s definitely missing pieces to the story here. But if he wants to keep fighting to see his child, that’s his business and you should be supportive of that. If you truly still gave a shit about that child, then you wouldn’t be on here making posts like this. Sounds to me like you’re just encouraging him to “forget” about his kid so you can have your own life with him. That’s not how it works. If you can’t handle the stress, maybe you should move on.
Wow, that is sad that your husband and you are even remotely thinking about throwing in the towel! The child is HIS flesh and you not encouraging your husband to stand up to the mom is crazy!!
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Children are always worth fighting for… But how much do either of you really care if you both refuse to see photos and videos of the child because the finance is in some of them? It sounds like you just want an excuse to dump the kid and blame the ex… I hope I’m wrong and he fights for his child.
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It seems to me the only issue is you. This is your husband’s child, his blood. You appear to be jealous of the fight he has wanting to do this and if anything I’d be encouraging him and also feel more live for a man to fight tooth and nail for his child. You cannot dismiss children because it’s become such a drain on your life. Also it is nothing to do with you what she is doing with regards to her partner’s unless there is true concern, then this is something he could use in court to fight for said child. Take that step back and realise, if you have or ever have kids, then you know that this man will fight you for his kids. Something I personally think is far more attractive than a deadbeat!
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You’re disgustingly wrong. That is HIS CHILD.
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Children are always worth fighting for… But how much do either of you really care if you both refuse to see photos and video of his child because the finance is in some of them? It sounds like you just want an excuse to dump the kid and blame the ex… I hope I’m wrong and he fights for his child.
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It’s not your place to make that decision either!! He should fight for his child no matter what it takes. You may be emotionally detached, but I’m willing to bet he isn’t. Do you have children of your own?
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Don’t give up. Every child is worth it. Every child is worth love.
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I’d sleep on the street in my car even if I need to for as long as I needed to for my child!
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this makes me so sad 
This is his CHILD! NEVER! 
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NEVER THROW IN THE TOWEL ! The day my son quit is the day he literally died! You NEVER stop fighting!
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I would always fight for my child no matter what the situation.
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Look, it is a hard decision.
Coming from someone who stayed by her man’s side, pushed him in the right direction, helped with the paperwork, stressed out with him, cared for all of the children involved, helped gather evidence [videos & photos of the childrens whereabouts and circumstances surrounding] and talking to his ex strictly…we went from having 1 child to 4 children overnight. We fought with his ex for a year and a half and racked up 10,000 and then some for the lawyer.
We live in Washington, it is a mother state and the fight was stressful and hard. The children were a lot of work, transitioning was a lot of work, getting in the right head space was a lot of work. One of the children has adhd and dmdd and that wasn’t an easy transition for her or us. The other child has a heart condition that needed surgery ASAP and she refused to let him have the surgery, that was the toughest thing to watch. [We had to get a restraining order against her to get him and had a temporary order for her to not make medical decisions just so he could have the surgery and live].
Even though the struggle, debt, and transitioning was hard and very difficult, I’d do it again in a heart beat.
Now I have 4 children altogether that I love and adore. Their mom has visitation and pays child support. These kids are properly fed, educated, and living the best life they possibly can. They still see their mom in the most healthiest way possible.
However coming from all of this experience. The mother I’m talking about refused to allow my fiance to have visitation. They had a parenting plan and she was breaching the contract by not allowing the visits. [We would go visit on the days he had visitation and she wouldn’t be there, she’d be somewhere else and not able to get a hold of.]
We started just visiting on non visit days and that was when we saw what was really going on. She’d abandon them in the house, they’d be in dirty diapers, moldy food in fridge, etc etc. They really weren’t properly cared for.
The day we decided together to go to court to hold her in contempt of the parenting plan was also the day we decided we needed full custody of them. I supported him 100%. They needed help. They needed proper medical, education, and deserved better than what she was providing. She refused to let us help her. Had she let us in, maybe we wouldn’t have had to resort to court.
That was 5 and a half years ago. It’s been a long and hard journey.
My questions/comments for you are:
1.) Is his child being taken care of?
2.) Is he just wanting visitation? Or is it custody?
3.) If this was your kid & situation, what would you do? What would you expect your spouse to do if you were in his position?
4.) It is tough and you can either support him and work with him or leave. He obviously wants to see his son and should!
5.) It’s a tough choice but it is your choice to make.
I hope this helps. I do hope you find the solution you are seeking and that it all works out.
Also, to address your concern about court, there are things that depending on the situation, you can get reimbursed for or atleast partial reimbursement after the case ends. That would be a situation to talk to a lawyer about.
If he does have a parenting plan and she isn’t allowing visitation, he could request a change in the parenting plan or go before a judge and show proof of her withholding his child from him. Then there could be alternative methods that can help him. Depending on your state, situation, and what’s offered in the state where the parenting plan is.
Disclaimer: I’m not a lawyer, I speak from the knowledge I’ve gained through our own court proceedings and lawyer we have had. A lot of this really is depending upon your state, situation, and capabilities that reside in that state.
I wish you luck.
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That poor baby. Fight for him with your dying breath
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I see how everyone is saying “fight for the child”. But my question is, how are they gonna do that when they do not have the time, money or live within appropriate proximity? How is the OPs hubs gonna “go and fight” when they can’t be there?
Court can be over zoom due to distance
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Gross! I could never be with someone who didn’t fight to be with his child and have them as much as possible! You sound like my ex wife and it’s my ex not actually putting the effort in to have a relationship with my son! Time and time again he’s given recommendations to do and he doesn’t do them. You married him knowing he had another child at that point you agreed to be a part of the child’s life. It should never be optional!
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If he wants to fight for his kid, fight too. That’s his kid so that’s your kid too. Be a wife or be alone.
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Yes that’s so wrong. A parent should never stop fighting for their child. Ever. If I didn’t have my child, unless I die theres nothing I won’t do in the way of fighting to see my child. It’s pretty petty that you and your husband actually said anything at all about pics just because her new man is in them. That’s ridiculous.Why woukd your husband tell her “we (me and my wife) don’t want to see pics with that guy in them”? That’s just dumb. He has options. Stop acting like he doesn’t.
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sounds like its you singular that wants to give up It is always a good thing to fight for your child
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Well my first question would be who moved away? Him or her? If he moved away, and now he wants to see his kid…well I guess he should move back.
Next question. Is the child taken care of properly? Clean, happy, well fed? Does the child have a good life? If the kid is good just let him be good.
Does the mom have a good support system? Does mom have a good mom, and good, loving, caring family to help look after them both? If they do then they are being looked out for and they will be okay. If not someone needs to be looking in on them.
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Sad to say
You are in the wrong, this is between the child’s mother and father to sort out in court
More power to the father for fighting for his child
Best advice I can give you
Is never come between a parent and their child
As you won’t win
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You don’t care for the child if you want your man to stop fighting for his kids. No offense but idc what you think or feel, that’s his child and his blood. If the child’s mom is being difficult, he needs to lawyer up and document everything. Children deserve all the love and support, and both parents actively involved if available. I’d I were him I’d leave you you continue to fight for my kids if you continue to think like that because it personally sounds like a you issue.
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Idk how any parent can just give up on their child😒 And I truly wouldn’t be with anyone who would!! From the sounds of your post, you seem like the one that doesn’t want the child in yalls life.
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I’m currently watching my kids be devastated by the fact their dad is not fighting for them so yeah, you’re wrong. He needs to fight to show that child he loves them.
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I’m sorry but when you marry someone with kids it’s no longer his his kids they become your kid as well. Question is would you give up on a fight for your kid if the tables where turned I hope not. I’m sorry but if it was husband I would never let him give up on fighting for”OUR” kid.
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Uh who moved is the question? Cause that’s the main issue. If he moved that’s messed up, if she moved same same but kid comes first… Be where your kid is!!! Then fight for them!
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There are too many bad comments directed to you on this post that you do not deserve… don’t let any of that get to you do what you feel is right you and your husband agree on something and go for it
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Would you be fine with him feeling like you should give up on your kids if the roles were reversed? They’re his kids.
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Some women are just bitches. Never give up. Send cards what ever. What goes around comes around. Its hearbreaking.
He should never give up on his child
- He needs to get rid of you if you can’t encourage him, back him up and support him during this time. 2. He needs to move and establish residence somewhere close to the town his son lives in. 3. Don’t say a word about what she (the mother) does that you don’t agree on. It will help you in the end with custody. 4. Document everything. Let her have her pics with every Tom, Dick and Harry. Let her play parenting with all these guys…BUT DOCUMENT EVERYTHING AND HAVE PROOF!! 5. Get a lawyer and let him take care of it all. Your husband could end up with full custody. Have guardian at litem make home visits. He should love his son enough to do this. It’s not about the pictures; it’s about the child!! Sounds to me your just worried about this child being in your life. Maybe you don’t want to share your husband with him and you ARE 100%WRONG FOR THIS!!!
Of course you are emotionally unattached. It’s not your kid. You’re wildly out of line. Stay in your lane.
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I think you’re wrong. Similar happened to my sister it took almost 6 years but now she’s been living with me for almost 3.
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A parent should never stop fighting for their children. More importantly, their children should know that their parents care enough to fight for them. I couldn’t imagine not fighting with everything I have for my kids. Hell, I’d fight for them harder than I would for myself.
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Not your choice. Not your child. An you’re vehemently throwing red flags up by insinuating your husband should just abandon his emotional obligations as a father because it’s a inconvenience for you. 
You must be young surely you’re not that heartless for reals, just young and haven’t lived enough yet to know this would only end badly for you if he stopped contact.
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Wow that’s still his kid no matter what .Maybe he should give up on you instead
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And you obviously don’t have kids
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You need to knuckle down and give your husband the support he needs. That’s his baby… if you cannot support him than he has no business being married to you…
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Yes you are. A father should ALWAYS want to fight for their children. If the shoe was on the other foot and it was your ex keeping your biological child away from you as their mother you would do anything to have access to said child. Don’t expect your partner to give up on his child just because it’s inconvenient for you. Take the appropriate steps if she doesn’t agree to mediation then take it through the court. His relationship with his child has absolutely nothing to do with you as his wife or even a step parent. You’re there to support him. You’re not there to dictate what he does concerning his child. That’s up to him as the child’s father. If you don’t like it don’t be with someone that has kids from previous relationships. If I were him I’d be telling you to get over yourself to be honest. That’s just the truth
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Oh, wow. I could say so much on this. ONE, yes you are wrong. Extremely, wrong. If HE isn’t truly interested in forming a bond and relationship with his child, he will be a terrible husband. If he is and you are sick of dealing with the mother, then you will be a terrible person for him to marry. Perhaps she blocked y’all, because she feels like y’all are being petty and making things more complicated than they should be. Your post says he has no current relationship or bond with the child. So, maybe she shouldn’t allow the child to call men she is dating “daddy”, but have either of you considered the fact that IF he done what he should have from day one as a father- that child would know exactly who and what “daddy” is. I know a lot of me say the tried or couldn’t, because mom said no or was difficult, BUT that is lame excuses!! No matter WHAT the situation was, your soon to be husband could had hired an attorney and obtained rights and visitation to his child, unless he just found out about the child in November (the post doesn’t sound like he just found out). I am sure the mother feels that way as well and any excuse is a bad one. Even if he had no money. He could had went through CPS. The fact that he didn’t. . Likely appears to her like he didn’t care. She probably also feels that after trying to allow the relationship to start again, and y’all feel like y’all are in a position to have an issue with her posting pics of the child with whomever she is dating. The two of you realize that would be no different than the child being with you? Or in a picture with you? Calling them daddy is probably hurtful, but like I mentioned, if he had of been daddy the child likely wouldn’t be calling anyone else daddy. So, my suggestion is, you stay out of it completely, you tell him you support him and think he should do whatever HE thinks is best. IF his decision looks anything like throwing a relationship (or possibility of a relationship) is what he wants, you will at least know that he is ok creating a child and not caring enough to try ANYTHING/EVERYTHING to work on that bond- you seriously will see how it would be if YOU really had to count on him OR YOU have a child with him… you may start seeing moms view a little better. Also, are you SURE they have no more feelings for each other and all of that is completely resolved? Bc he really shouldn’t care so much about having their child aekind whom she is dating. After all he expects you to be around the child… a lot of that happens when the parents can’t be together.
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You have one job. Support your husband in seeking and achieving a relationship with his child. You have no other job or involvement. Any person who thinks giving up on a child just because it’s hard is an option needs to do some serious self reflection. Meet your responsibilities as someone who loves their husband and step in and support and encourage him fighting for the most important person in his life which is his child. If you dont its only a matter of time before he realises you didn’t help him fight for his child. And that won’t be good for your marriage.
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Never a waste of time to fight for your kids . I would never stop trying end of
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Not your choice or your situation and fact of judging her you have no idea what it’s like to be left to bring up children on her own clearly! so what she had three boys friends who done that she obviously desperate for a family and to someone to love her child like she does that sad! Because that’s your husband dam job to be taking the role she wouldn’t feel like someone should fill that hole if your husband had stepped up in the first place! If you cared for the child you’d be mind your own business not try convince your husband to fight for his child because it’s messing with your life. You know what mum and child probably are better without his support especially when he’s got wife like you in his ear.
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Maybe your husband shouldn’t have moved thousands of miles away from his child. Technically that’s considered abandonment. You sound completely selfish. Sounds like the kids will be better off with y’all disappearing because you’ll never be kind to someone your so quick to give up on. Y’all should be ashamed of yourselves. Him especially. For marrying you and abandoning his kid. He could’ve went to court before he hauled ass. I hope y’all don’t reproduce so there’s not another kid ABANDONED by a worthless parent. Like there’s not enough
Just because your miles away don’t mean he shouldn’t fight to see her!! When I was with my ex boyfriend in Wisconsin n mom was in Mississippi we went to court n got to see his son! The courts would most likely give him winter/ spring breaks n summer!! N you wouldn’t always have to drive to the county the child was born in for court you can always do over the phone video/ phone call. Till the judge would like u to come in. I would fight with him to see her n support your husband on it!! And they also maybe make it to where husband and mother of his child meets half way!
Most definitely you are wrong.
My husband baby mom took his child to Florida. We’re in Indiana. He fought for 3 years to get her. He didn’t even get to meet her until a two weeks before her 3rd birthday. He was thousand miles away. & guess what? He petitioned the court for custody of his daughter. Judge granted it.
He’s had her since 2012.
I have since adopted her.
Bio mom is who knows where.
It is never a waste of time to fight for your children.
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If the shoe was on your foot would you give up on seeing your child?
Yes you are wrong! You shouldn’t be with someone who has a child if that’s going to be your crap attitude. Children don’t ask for hard lives or crap parents but if he continues to fight that child will know he did and if he does what you say that child will also know they weren’t good enough to fight for. Your attitude is gross!
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If you live out of state most courts (if not all) will now do appearances online or by phone. Yes you are very wrong for throwing in the towel. You should fully support your husbands attempts at seeing his child. Heck, I would get a second job to pay for a lawyer for my husband if necessary and do whatever necessary. You can’t say you care about the child if you are going to “throw in the towel” knowing that she isn’t looking out for his mental well being and if he/you really want to see the child and be part of the child’s life then quit arguing with her over piddly 
like who is in the videos with the kid.
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It’s never a waste. That child will ask questions one day. And all dad can say is I fought for you and it was out of my hands, mom wouldn’t work with me and the courts were on her side. The kid will come looking for him one day. My husband and I were in and out of court and spent years not seeing his two girls we were so hurt and heart broken. But at the end of the day the girls were able to see we didn’t give up on them and the mom kept them away from us. We now have a very open relationship with both girls and the mother and courts are not involved.
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The mom in this situation has ALOT of power yes, but so dose the father. I wouldn’t ever give up, although I bet it’s frustrating. The child dosent deserve to be abandoned because the mom is an asshole. Even more reason for you guys to fight for her.
Your husband must make that decision, how ever you must see if it is affecting your family and add this to an honest discussion.
Regardless of that situation with mom, DAD NEEDS TO BE THERE FOR HIS CHILD. He needs to fight for him, and you need to support your husband.
My husband went through something similar, where he had custody of one boy, then she had gotten pregnant before they separated and we had never met the second baby because she wouldn’t allow us. She even moved, starting calling child different name. We only found out where she was, when she took him for child support… as soon as I got the papers, I told him he needed to go to court and get those babies. We have had 50/50 custody ever since. A father /mother should always fight for their child, regardless of the feelings between him and mom.