You have every right to meet the person you children will be with I wouldn’t be letting her pick them up if the father can’t pick them up They would back with me
You are right about everything. Stand your ground!
2 Likes
We had a friend who whenever he had his kids, he left them on his girlfriend and did his own thing. It wasn’t her place to raise his kids, especially when he didnt want her kids over.
If you may not meet her, how can you thrust the time that your child is with her, it’s normal you want to know and its your right. And surtain when he is threatening with court…
Hell nah! I wanted to meet er one of my sons donors girlfriends. He had a different one every other month so I wanted to know who these strangers were
Don’t make it hard on the kids. They will figure out who loves them on their own. Arguments don’t help the kids
This is very complicated, and emotional on both sides. You need to consult a lawyer or have mediation done.
I think you’re spot on . You need to know what this lady is like otherwise no she can’t pick the kids up . And yes they should be with you when he is at work ,
I 100% agree with you. He’s being unfair. If he wants this to work he has to make the effort. You meeting his girlfriend the lady who’s going to spend al that time with your children is perfectly reasonable and I think it would be wrong for you not to. Stand up for what you think is right and don’t doubt your concerns
Ok while I agree you need to meet anyone watching your children… I go back to you saying it took a year before he could have them overnight…supervised visitation is NOT the norm just because of separation. Depending the reason for that…is his decision making in question concerning the children (new SO aside). And I’m re retracing he has this hf for 1-1/2 years yet a 10 moth old with someone else? I think there is a lot more going on and YOU have to be an advocate for your kids!!! Good Luck!
I have always met the women my kids will be around. As I would expect any women would want to meet me if I’m around her kids.
I wouldn’t like it but from what I understand if its how time with the kids he can make decisions about who he leaves them with unless you have full custody.
If she is going to be around your kids you have a right to meet her
Yes he has to work and just like mothers he has to find someone to take care of them while he is working. I totally agree you must meet her.
My kids dad is not allowed to have his gf around them until i meet her. If i dont meet her, he dont get them.
You do need to be allowed to meet her, prior to allowing her to pick up the children.
I would not let someone I don’t know pick up kids at all due to the fact so many children are a target for abduction or sex trafficking. Of you can’t meet her talk to a lawyer and see what they say. Don’t let him bully you into doing this
I agree with the man sometimes exes like the cause trouble with your current situation because they were bitter from the previous one and maybe he’s worried that’s what you will do
Thats one of my requirements. If my child is gonna be around someone alot I have the right to meet them.
Same problem here it’s a shame he can’t stand up and take care of his responsibilities and he has to have somebody else do it for him.
Why does it matter what he does with the kids as long as they come home happy and healthy
If you were hiring her as a babysitter, (which apparently he uses her as) you’d meet her first.
So why would he think you don’t need to? Pfft.
This girlfriend is a stranger to you! She should NOT have permission to be picking up your kids from daycare!!!
I wouldn’t agree to leaving them with anyone that you don’t know. It’s called sacrifice.
if my child were at day care no one i didn’t know or hadnt meet would definitely not be pickeing up my baby.
I would want to meet my exes friend. I don’t want just anyone around my grands are children. My grandmother’s rules.
I would definitely meet someone spending that much time with my children
If he does take you to court make sure to have proof of the fact that he isnt spending time with the kids
You have every rite to meet who your child is spending time with!!
Why doesn’t he want u to.meet her would be my question
1 Like
I don’t think he can dictate who is on the pick up list…it can be just you and him.
Not wrong but legally you have no right. I’ve done this merry go round in court. It sucks.
Since from what i read there is no harm done to the kids then let him handle his home his way. Put her on and mommy on at your house.
Just stop by the house while he is at work or even at home
Don’t give her authorization to pick them up. That’s a disaster waiting to happen.
You should know everyone that comes in contact with your children
You have right of first refusal if he’s working.
You need to meet this woman. You are doing everything right, don’t let him guilt trip you into anything. Be a pain in his ass if need be.
You should 100% meet her I wudnt allow it if didnt know her
The number one child abuser is the significant other of a bio parent. No way in hell.
If he can make his own schedule, he can make time for the kids, yes I think yu have a right to meet his g/f, and g/f doesn’t have the right to pick up the kids from dagcare. Stand your ground.
No it’s not wrong however it’s not going to happen unless it’s in the court order.
No you have the right to know who is around your kids.
You are absolutely in the right wanting to meet her. I have actually been in both spots, yours and hers. My ex at a point got 50/50 of my son with me. My son is autistic and ahdh, my son gets a check that my ex got half of because we split 50/50, and i knew my ex’s place was not a good environment. Im glad i pushed to meet his girl friend because i found out she was a drug addict who gave up her own 2 children to avoid them being taken because she chose drugs over them. Cps got involved and the judge and my ex was told several times she was not to be left alone with my son. Long story short he chose the gf over our son and lost 50/50, i am working on changing it but as of now he is court ordered to be allowed to see him every other weekend, but since he doesnt get any money for my son now he chooses not to see him and hasnt in over a year. But now my husband has a daughter that they share 50/50 custody, i met her mom early on and honestly we are the 2 that communicate about her. There are a few things i make her and my husband discuss but for the most part its me and her that communicate. You push you’re right mama and make sure your babies are in good hands.
She has your kids and you haven’t met her? That’s not right
Not unreasonable at all.
Right of first refusal.
What is wrong with you?
Put her on the list and stop being petty. If you meet and her and don’t like then what? Worry about you and your time with the kids.
Hate women like this 
. Stay in your own home.
Leave him out of it and meet her by yourself. Facebook her or something.
Let her know you dont care about her relationship with your ex, and that youbare appreciative of what she does for your kids.
Get coffee with her. Become her friend, if she is a decent person.
Sometimes, women stay in a bad relationship because they dont want his kids to suffer.
Let her know that it is ok to leave him if she wants.
1 Like
You have every right to meet the person caring for your children. Period.
Meet her and a background check. 
If shes so great she’ll understand.
It’s best for the kid if everyone can put their own personal feelings aside. Yes, you should be able to meet her, but how would you feel if it was the other way, and your “new” BF was watching the kids, would it be ok for your ex to insist that he meet him?
I’ve never understood why women feel they have more rights to their child than the father (obviously there are exceptions, such as criminal history and such). I know that I have the unpopular opinion, but im ok with that. You should be happy that you ex has someone that is wanting to help and be part of the lives of his children. Would you rather he be with someone who didnt want anything to do with the kids?
2 Likes
Nothing wrong with you meeting her. It’s weird he’s defensive about it. If she’s so great whats the issue 
1 Like
U have every right to request and meet anyone who is is spending time with ur kid. Don’t let him bully u
He has the right to chose who the children are with when he is at work. You can’t dictate he bring them home if he is at work. How do your children feel about her? Do they like her? If they are happy then why are you unhappy? I know it’s an adjustment but this is what happens when relationships fail. Step moms are not all evil and can be a great addition to a child’s life. They have a new sibling on the way and they should have a relationship with this new baby, as well as the other child from other baby mamma. Looks like this woman will always be connected to you. You should get to know her and you should put the past in the past. Give this woman a chance.
2 Likes
Nope, don’t put her on the list until you have met her and you feel comfortable with her
Talk to the judge because in most states if the one parent isn’t available and the other is they can have the child before grandparents or girl/boyfriends. You can have that added to a custody agreement but yeah if definitely have to meet and feel someone out before my child or children would be left with them and if you don’t feel comfortable for good reason you can have that added as well.
3 Likes
And if the children are okay when they go over to his house and with this woman and they come back fine and they don’t say anything’s wrong I don’t see where there’s an issue
1 Like
She should want to meet you. She keeping your kid. He sounds like a a hole
I would damn sure not put her on the list if I did not know her.
If some lady was watching my kids, I’d wanna meet her also
You are their advocate. Follow your gut feeling. He seems irresponsible
Even after meeting her, I wouldn’t put her on the list.
You definitely do need to meet her.
Feels like my life 7 years ago … please DO meet her you have every right to know the woman taking care of your kids… My daughter was potty trained by the time my ex husband and I split but still his then girlfriend was helping her in the bathroom … it drove me crazy to think some stranger is taking my little to the bathroom. My ex never respected me at all as her mother and it took 7 years for us to finally get along. I’m sending you good vibes 
Time for you to go back to court and let them know he’s not spending time with them like he should and just pawning them off on someone else when it’s his days!! How did he get overnight visits when he doesn’t have custody of his other child?? Time to be so damn nice and go fight for your kids in court!!
Nope! I’d demand it or don’t put her on list!!
It sounds like you’re a control freak. Are the kids afraid of her? Has there been any reason to think harm has come upon them? Why don’t you quit cutting him down and try to be on friendly terms and maybe on one of the kids next birthdays, throw a birthday party and invite them both.
That’s not unreasonable at all
As long as you know he doesn’t need your approval of whom he’s with, because your kids seemed around 3rd place for topic content as you explained everything. And she doesnt have to meet you if she doesnt want to.
Absolutely not…you are totally right ! So let him take you to court, he will lose. You have every right to know the person your kids are with. And why don’t she have custody of her own child ? If she was deemed unfit then NEVER would I allow my children to be with her alone. It’s one thing if their father is there. Stand your ground Mama !
1 Like
Your definitely not wrong
YES There Is no reason to.
You are right on both counts.
I’d take him back to court! What a jerk!!!
So you’re mad that he leaves your kids with someone that’s going to be like more family because they have a sibling by this woman as opposed to you taking them to daycare where they’re going to be around a bunch of random new kids same kids and new workers sometimes because daycares aren’t always consistent. I see jealousy in this conversation and that’s it
4 Likes
You need to meet the person your kids are with
You have absolutely every right to meet any woman that is helping raise your child. Me and my ex have that much respect for each other. I think I meant everyone of his girlfriends personally but 1. I’ve only seen the one in person but not actually introduced to her. But she was not that involved with him without my ex around. And definitely no one but 3 people (1 my ex hasn’t meant but a good friend of mine) that is on the pick up at school. No one else unless agreed upon by both of us
You should get it court ordered that he is to be with the children at all times during visitation and any significant other who will be watching the children without his presence needs to be approved by both parents. If they break up and her name is on the list for her to pick up, she could take those kids whenever she felt like… you don’t even know her! Absolutely not!
13 Likes
Big difference between what is morally right from your perspective and what the law says.
The court does not care about your feelings.
You need to play ball by their rules.
If she is a danger and it can be proven, you’re good.
If not, you do not have a case.
Talk to a lawyer regarding fighting custody/ placement changes. That law degree is difficult to get for a reason.
Unhappily, you have no right to demand a meeting with or introduction to this woman. You might really want it and feel totally justified, but you have no legal ground. Choose your battles.
In the mean time, read Divorce Poison by Richard Warshak. It has some helpful tips for similarly toxic situations.
But be sure to talk to a lawyer!
5 Likes
You do not get the right to meet/know her. Although it is a courtesy he should be man enough to do on his own. If you trust him then trust his judgement of who they’re being left to be cared for by. Don’t involve yourself in their time together. Don’t make it hard for him to have a relationship with his children. Be thankful he’s involved and not putting on you every time he cannot find a sitter. Unless your kids have voiced concerns back out until you have reason to get more involved in his weekends. Trust me so many absent parents out here. And yes if it’s easier for him to see his kids more if she could get them from daycare then let her. The easier you make the relationship the better it’s going to be on everyone ESPECIALLY your children!
13 Likes
As that girlfriend/ new woman (wife now) I felt it was important for me and mom to get to know each other. We are not the best of friends by any means. But she and I have a very civil relationship and get along better than her and dad/husband. If she’s there to stay and in an active role in the child’s life, she is a piece of the coparent puzzle. Yes you should meet. AND… who the heck gives permission to have a stranger on your child’s emergency pick up list? That is an unfathomable request. Dad probably wouldn’t, and shouldn’t, like it if it was a new man in your life he didn’t know. That’s really not an appropriate thing to expect.
14 Likes
Although letting you meet her would be the respectful thing to do it’s not required. And honestly a quick hello and a handshake isn’t going to all of a sudden make you feel better. If his court ordered parenting time is on the weekends you don’t get a say in who provides child care during that time. Unless you see signs of abuse or the kids are telling you something concerning I would let it be.
3 Likes
My daughter is 12. I’ve been with my current bf for 10 years. My kids fathers met him a few months before my kids did because I wanted to makes sure it was at the very least somewhat serious before he met them. Both dads are still single but the same rules apply. I need to meet the new gf before she meets my children especially if a significant amount of time will be spent together. It’s a respect and trust issue.
2 Likes
Hear me out…The best thing I have done is meet my ex’s now wife. For the first few years he never let us meet, so I took it upon myself. I admit I was afraid of letting another woman in, but I’m glad it was her. We get along great. I even take my son to see her. The fact that I know she’s there when I can’t be brings me comfort because I know she will look after him the same as I do. Give her a chance, you just never know until you do.
1 Like
My husband and his ex lived 2 1/2 hours away. So we met in the middle. My husband went from 2nd shift to third shift. He couldn’t always pick up my step daughter or drop her off. So he picked a trusted adult to him to do it. His ex had a hissy fit. First before she said she didn’t know the person and then started to not meet to give him his weekends because he had to work and sleep and didn’t see her the whole time he had her for the weekend. He actually sacrificed sleep to give her a few more hours. By that time I was pregnant with our 2nd and our daughter was a few months old. She had met me many, many times. She still refused to let her go to me. We went to court. The judge told her she had to release the child to whoever was there. It didn’t matter as long as the minor knew the person. He told her that she didn’t have to be there. Fast forward a few years and then she started not showing up again. This time her excuse was well I work seconds and can’t be there. So again the judge said the only person required to be at the meet place every time is the minor child. As long as the minor knows the person it’s okay. My husband raised that girl all by himself for two years. Then I helped when she was eight. By the time she was 11 her mom was to the point of using her as a meal ticket and pawn. By the time she was 13 her mom called me and said come get her I don’t want her and I raised her with my husband. She is now almost 22 and to this day calls me Momma. She now resents her bio mom for keeping her away from her dad and family and barely has a really with her. When we got custody we went for months showing up so her mom could have visitation and it broke my heart when she would beg us not to go because she wasn’t gonna show. Finally we proved to the courts she wasn’t gonna show so it was changed to where she had to drive all the way to get her. That was 2014. Four times has her mom driven to see her. Twice in the beginning and then nothing for almost four years until she graduated and then she had to be there and she took her to a wedding. The best thing to do in any situation is what’s best for the kids and to talk to the courts. I was the new girlfriend and vilified by the mom which caused issues with my “step” daughter. I have never viewed her as step have loved her as my own and treated her just the same as the rest of our kids. I definitely encourage you to meet the girlfriend but also to befriend her. If they stay together she’s going to be there for many things and let me tell you how hurtful it was to be told by the mom that I was nothing. That their daughter didn’t have to have anything to do with me or listen. I never tried to take her moms place. Just was there to live her. I did tell her she had to respect the fact that her dad and I were together But I did that with her mom and any partner she had. She didn’t have to like us but she had to respect us. She could call us by our names or something else if that was her choice as long as it wasn’t nasty and mean. That if her moms partner said she couldn’t do something or she had to do something to do it. Same for me. If her mom had an issue with her partners saying something then her mom could step in. Same with my husband. Obviously my situation turned out differently but it started the same. Talk to your kids. My daughter was the same way. We had a better relationship then her and her dad for a while. It also went both ways. I think it started that her mom was jealous of our relationship but I never tried to be better. I’m a product of divorce myself. My step dad raised me with my mom for years my parents had horrible custody battles. I felt like I couldn’t call my other parents anything but their names around my other parents. I have four amazing parents who raised me but I grew up in a constant battle between the four and felt like I had to choose. I never wanted that for my kids so when my husband introduced me to his daughter I was adamant that I wasn’t going to replace her mom. I was just a bonus family member.
Being the new girlfriend in a similat situation, she has all right to meet her especially if she is watching them. My husbands ex refused for me to even meet their kids until we were together for almost a year and then I wasnt allowed to be left alone with them until another 6 months after even though we were going to be having out own child together. Even still, i didnt want to be left alone with them at first anyways, just so that the kids wouldnt feel uncomfortable and tell her that and then her end up not letting them come visit. Today, we are quite close with one another, and she helps me if I need help with my 4 children with him and and as do I with their youngest together and her youngest after their relationship.
If he manages his own schedule for work, there is absolutely no reason for him to be leaving YOUR child with someone you haven’t even met. That’s absolutely ludicrous, and he is gaslighting you so much over it, saying she doesn’t need to deal with you since she’s pregnant, as if YOU’RE the problem. Personally, I would never be okay with someone I don’t know being responsible for my daughter, I’m hardly even okay with a lot of the people I do know being responsible for her. Definitely stand your ground on this because it’s not okay.
I love how these dudes try to use court as a threat. Take it to court… he won’t get 50/50 especially if he’s not even with them during his own visits. No it’s not unreasonable to want to meet her, but it doesn’t matter what you think about her. Unless she has a background that makes her dangerous to be around your kids… you won’t get to choose who he has your children around. My court order says (and we didn’t even discuss this in court) that if either one of us are going to be away from the kids for 5 or more hours, we have to ask the other parent first to watch the kids, before letting someone else do it. Honestly, don’t be afraid to go to court… they’re pretty fair.
Does he know everyone you leave the child with? It’s his parenting time, and if he chooses to have someone watch them, that’s his choice. It would be a courtesy of him to introduce her to you, and definitely a nice gesture, but you can’t control what he does on his time any more than he can control what you do on your time.
That being said, I don’t think you are wrong for wanting to meet her, I’m just not sure you can/should force it. I would NOT put her on the pickup list without meeting her and having some conversations with her, then deciding on that.
Oh man. Thats too complicated…
I agree me and my ex split up and have an agreement no new partners meeting the kids until we’ve each met them after at least 6months dating but… our priority is our 2 kids and last thing either of us want are new ppl coming in and out like a ice cream flavors of the week kinda shit but I don’t think u need to give her access to get kids for daycare
It will but the judges won’t do shit.
He’s just doesn’t want you telling her all the bad shit about him lol
u dont have a say what he does and who watches the kids as long as they are safe. that’s all that matters. stop being a bitter baby mom. and hes right. atleast they get along with her and tbey like her.u should be happy he has someone who is willing to love your babies. other then u and dad. there has to be a reason hes saying she dont need to deal with u. that kinda shows ur an asshole to his other gfs in the past or ur just an ass to him and he doesn wanna put her thru that. my husband’s baby mom is a complete cunt. i met her once like in person and she tried dragging me from my car and beating the shit outta me… and that was after an attempted suicide cause i went off 3 different meds i was on all at the same time and lost my shit (i didn know u weren supposed to do that. was on anti depressant. sleep meds and mood stabalizer all for ppd) the only thing i agree with here is i dont have to put her on the list especially if u haven met her…id let it go…and stop being bitter and let ur kids have time with the dad cause honestly u dont know if hes working late or not.
Id want to meet her for sure
Absolutely not !! In the first place he should want you to know who your kids are spending time with little own pick them up from daycare if he can’t introduce you to her then take it back to court and take the time back if he is working then they should be with you, if he can’t introduce you,you have the right to know who your children are being left with … especially if he had to earn his custody back in the first place . Good luck
Unfortunately he is not under any obligation to let you meet his girlfriend. Yes, morally and ethically it would be a good idea, however it doesn’t seem like he’s looking to work cooperatively with you. Be diligent and try to keep friendly lines of communication open. And certainly if you are concerned that there is any abuse take immediate action. It is sad, but just because a man CAN have children doesn’t mean he will be a good father. Good luck.
1 Like
Speaking from a stepmom’s point of view- You have every right to meet this woman who is caring for your children. Just keep an open mind and try to understand that she may love your children too. As long as she is taking good care of them and treating them well, you shouldn’t rock the boat.
Hes trying to be controlling. You have every right to know who your kids are spending their time with. Especially if they are young. There is a reason he has to have supervised visitation. He needs to understand that you need to trust him and the girlfriend. The kids may be safe but if you have to take it to court.
3 Likes